0:00:31 > 0:00:33Yeah, a typical Wednesday.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Typical, if you mean being chased by a horde of insanely angry aliens.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43OK, let's rewind.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50OK, that's maybe too far. Let's jump to Tuesday morning.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55- I think I'll pass on the milk, thanks, Mum.- Sorry.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59But it was worth staying up, wasn't it?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02We got the book! Hot off the press,
0:01:02 > 0:01:05the final chapter of Alien Adventures.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Brilliant. Cos me and books always get on.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10BOOK GROWLS LIKE A DOG Get off! Get off!
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- BOOK WHINES LIKE A DOG - Well, we're lucky.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Every copy in London sold out by 5am.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16The final story.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Who knows what happens to Captain Johansson and his crew?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22I do. I finished it at 4.17 this morning.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- It's 560 pages long!- What can I say?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27- How far did you get, Hank?- Seven.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Chapter seven? Well done, son.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Page. Page seven.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Yes, well, there's no harm savouring it.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Emily, please can you just tell me what happened at the end?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40No! No, no, don't tell him.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Hank, you'll feel so much better when you do it on your own.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Emily, I don't suppose that you...
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Yes, you can borrow my copy, like you borrowed the last six.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Ooh, I am so excited! I love these books!
0:01:52 > 0:01:57The romance, the adventure, the giant ultrapede with 14 heads.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- SHE GROANS - It's so brilliant!
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- HE SNIGGERS - Have you got a problem?
0:02:02 > 0:02:04No, no, no, no. Not at all, no.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Spacemen and aliens are all very well,
0:02:06 > 0:02:09but most people want to read about real things.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Important things.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Like the stuff I write.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15- You write about sport.- Exactly.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Which is grown men playing with a bat and ball.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21It's basically just sports day with bigger trophies.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Ouch. Burn, Dad.
0:02:23 > 0:02:24"Ouch. Burn, Dad."
0:02:26 > 0:02:29LIFT BELL DINGS Hey, guys.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Well, I'm glad you asked.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Yes, I have got the new Shark Munch Madness game
0:02:37 > 0:02:39and, yes, you do get to swallow Taurus whole.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44HE SIGHS Enjoying the book, then?
0:02:44 > 0:02:48It's amazing. I heard they do an actual alien autopsy in chapter 33.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Yeah, what part are you up to?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Got to the bit where they torpedo the battle weasels yet?
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm way past that. I'm at the bit where, um...
0:02:56 > 0:03:01the alien queen eats the crew of the ship.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Huh? But everyone knows she's vegetarian.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- That's the huge plot twist in the second chapter.- Oh, yeah.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I'm actually just working my way through that now.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10LIFT BELL DINGS
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Come on, guys. Can't we just talk about something else?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Not everyone is obsessed by the Alien Adventures.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18See?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23This is going to be a very long day.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28"From Bethnal Green to Bayern Munich,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- "the meteoric rise of a local hero." - HE CHUCKLES
0:03:31 > 0:03:33It's a pretty weighty profile I'm writing.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36And not a 14-headed ultrapede in sight.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Oh, well, don't worry. I'm sure someone will still want to read it.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41See you tonight.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Oh, you've left your...children's book.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49BELL RINGS
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Guys. Guys, we're here.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I've survived books about kid wizards and teenage vampires.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I can survive one about aliens, can't I?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07BELL RINGS Guys, maths with Adolf.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11No reading allowed. Whoo! Come on, guys, let's go.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I know. Desperate times.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- WHISPERS:- That bit's amazing.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Miss Wong, I presume you're studying your quadratic functions
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- for Thursday's big test. - SHE GROANS
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Alien Adventures, The Final Probe.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Perhaps you would care to explain
0:04:32 > 0:04:35why you'd allow yourself to be sucked into
0:04:35 > 0:04:38a mindless, populist phenomenon like this, Mr Townsend?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Oh, it's, like, the coolest thing ever, Miss.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42It's like this massively awesome epic journey
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- through space and time and... - Incorrect.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Science fiction is the fungal bacteria of the publishing world
0:04:47 > 0:04:51and reading such lowbrow literature during test week
0:04:51 > 0:04:53will gain you an instant detention.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Let me get the brand-new algebra mock test.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Now, those ARE thrilling.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- Looks like there's no reading for you.- You can't either.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04No need, Zitzer. My dad got me the e-book last weekend.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06It wasn't even supposed to be out.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I'll tell you all about the surprise ending.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- ALL:- No, no, no! - Please, don't say anything.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Fine, but you better all make it worth my while or I might just
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- accidentally tell you who dies. - THEY GASP
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Or who doesn't.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Delete, delete, delete, delete.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30HE EXHALES
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Let's try this rubbish.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36HE SCOFFS
0:05:41 > 0:05:43HE CHUCKLES
0:05:46 > 0:05:49HE SCREAMS
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Attention, learning units.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59The Alien Adventures is all that's on anyone's mind.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02On the news, on the web, on the street,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05pupils cluttering up corridors as they read it.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Mr Joy. He'll put a stop to this.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11And I'm delighted to be a part of it.
0:06:11 > 0:06:18So, prepare, my little minions, to worship me as a conquering hero,
0:06:18 > 0:06:22or some kind of extraordinary demigod
0:06:22 > 0:06:27because Kathleen Murray herself, the Adventures' creator,
0:06:27 > 0:06:29has agreed to come for a book signing
0:06:29 > 0:06:34here at our school tomorrow afternoon!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I think it's the best thing that's ever happened!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Yeah, it's definitely up there.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Headmaster. Headmaster, headmaster.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54OK, I know this celebrity visit is a pretty big deal.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56I think it needs a musical fanfare.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00I'm not having you assault our guest's celebrity ears.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03No, not assault. I'll write it, the kids will play it.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05It will be out of this world.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07It will be out of my school.
0:07:07 > 0:07:13Kathleen Murray is going to think Headmaster Joy is amazing.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19- Right, OK.- Mm.- She might dedicate her next book to me.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Or take me to the film premiere.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Can you see it? You're walking down the red carpet.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Pop, pop, pop, pop! Watch your eyes.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Now you're being interviewed. "How do you do it, Joy?"
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- I don't know.- "He doesn't know."
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- It's a brilliant idea.- Thank you. - I'm glad I thought of it.- Me too.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37- You are the boss. - Yes, I am.- Yes, you are.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38Yes, I am.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41What is this rubbish doing here?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Sorry, Headmaster. I was just about to take that out.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Only got one pair of arms, you know.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Well, I suggest you grow another pair.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51We have a VIP visit tomorrow. Sort it out.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56My band of brothers and sisters, My Joy has given me the honour
0:07:56 > 0:08:00of writing Miss Kathleen Murray's fanfare.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02So, with your help,
0:08:02 > 0:08:05we're going to find the perfect sound for outer space.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07It's going to blow your ears off. As a matter of fact,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10the caretaker will be sweeping up little ears for weeks to come.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Mr Rock, can't we just do that hip-hop lullaby fusion
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- that we did last week? - No, Hank, we can't.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Now, look, I know that you and books don't get along so well,
0:08:18 > 0:08:22but I thought you would love Alien Adventures.
0:08:22 > 0:08:27I mean, it's so filled with passion and adventure and slime.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I do love slime.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33Outer space. I want you to play the first thing that comes to mind.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35On my count. Ready?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Three, two, one!
0:08:38 > 0:08:41ALL PLAY TUNELESSLY
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Needs a little work.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Frankie, Ashley, wait! Come back, come back. Come here.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Guess I'm going to have to bring out the big guns.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54This, my friends, is a screen grab
0:08:54 > 0:08:58from level 20 of Shark Munch Madness.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00You get to attach monster trucks to the sharks
0:09:00 > 0:09:03and smash them into oil tankers. Ba-boom!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05So, my place tonight? 7pm?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Great. I'll get the snacks in. Catch you later, shark fans.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- Did he say something?- Who?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Oh, my days, that is...
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- Unbelievable! - HE LAUGHS
0:09:16 > 0:09:18KEY CLINKS IN LOCK
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Hey, how's the big deadline going?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Wow, you look exhausted.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33I've never seen anyone actually sweating from typing before.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Medically speaking, that's worrying.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38This is what real passion looks like.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40In-depth character profiles don't write themselves, you know.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- SHE CHUCKLES - Unfortunately.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- There you are, Headmaster. All done.- Done?
0:09:53 > 0:09:55You've barely even started.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56I've drawn up a list.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- It's double-sided. - This will take all night.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Which is exactly the amount of time you have.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Well, get on with it.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Done. Junk food and sharks. Now, that's a perfect combo.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Frankie and Ashley should be here any minute.
0:10:21 > 0:10:246.45. Let the games begin.
0:10:28 > 0:10:327.30. Where are they? HE GRUNTS
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- BOTH:- Whoa!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Oh!
0:10:36 > 0:10:40PHONE VIBRATES
0:10:40 > 0:10:43It's Hank. He says we promised to go to his.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46We did? But I really need to finish this chapter.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49OK, same here. But as long as we get a move on.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53"Delayed. Won't be long."
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Great. They'll be here in a minute.
0:11:03 > 0:11:058.25. Unbelievable!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10What's going on? You said you'd be round ages ago.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Sorry, Hank. We just got caught up. It's the book.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14It's like some kind of addiction.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Medically speaking, it really can alter the serotonin levels.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Medically speaking, I could die of cheese and onion poisoning.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I ate 16 bags of crisps while I waited for you.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Hank, we're really sorry. It wasn't on purpose.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28We wanted to play your shark bite game. Honest.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Yeah, I'm up for dismembering limbs any time.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33It's not like we meant to ignore you, Hankster.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35It's just when this book gets hold of you...
0:11:35 > 0:11:37You wouldn't understand.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- What does that mean?- It's just games are more your thing.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44We can't really read with you, can we? You slow us...
0:11:46 > 0:11:48..down.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Cheers, Frankie. Thanks a lot.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Hey, what happened?
0:12:11 > 0:12:15I thought everyone was coming over to do something violent to whales.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19- It's sharks.- Oh. - And they're too busy reading that.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24Oh, love, it's just a book. It'll all blow over in a week or so.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Everyone's doing this thing that I can't do.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30It's rubbish. Wake me up next January.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Hank, I know it's really hard, but you'll get through this.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36I know you will.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Oh.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Thanks, Mum.- If you want to talk, I'm just next door.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- HE EXHALES - Finished!
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Right.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Right, I'm not going to be defeated
0:13:23 > 0:13:26by a bit of chopped-up tree and some stupid ink.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Right.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Relax. Tame the brain.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Focus. Hold still.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Come on.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53This is awesome!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I'm going to prove to Frankie and Ashley that I can do this.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I'm going to stay up all night and finish the whole book.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12ALARM CLOCK RINGS No!
0:14:12 > 0:14:15I can hardly wait to read the last chapter.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19- There's this amazing bit... - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't! No.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24No...need to talk about hobbies at breakfast.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27This should be family time. How is everybody?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30We're very excited about the Alien Adventure signing, Dad.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- Haven't you been listening? - Oh, didn't you know, Emily?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Your dad's not interested in the Alien Adventures, are you, Stan?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42BELL RINGS
0:14:49 > 0:14:52WHISPERS: Frankie, Ashley, about last night...
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Henry Zipzer!
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- Distracting the class again. - I can't distract anyone, Miss.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03They're all too busy with their alien books.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Well, well.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Thank you, Henry. Please collect up all the copies.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17THEY GROAN
0:15:22 > 0:15:25My preference would be to burn them, but I'm feeling generous,
0:15:25 > 0:15:28so I'll make sure they're safe in the confiscation cabinet
0:15:28 > 0:15:30until Friday after the algebra test.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34- But the signing's this afternoon. - Oh, is it?- Yes, Miss.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37I don't care.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Not cool, Hank. I had four pages to go.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Excellent. Now that I have your full attention,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52you have three minutes to solve...that.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- THEY GROAN - Congratulations.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58You've wasted time groaning. Now it's two minutes.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01THEY GROAN
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- You there.- Mr Joy, I've done everyone on the list.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07I worked all through the night. Even mucked out the school rabbit.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- The school doesn't have a rabbit. - I mucked out something, anyway.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13- Good, good. Just one more thing. - Yes, Headmaster?
0:16:13 > 0:16:15That tree there - never liked the way it looked at me.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- Chop it down at once. - Yes, of course.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Perhaps you'd like me to rebuild the science block while I'm at it.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- There you go.- Are you sure we're going to need all these instruments?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31We absolutely are if we're going to find that perfect sound
0:16:31 > 0:16:33for outer space.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37But no-one seems to be in the mood. Everybody's got a sour face.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40What is it? Dumpling delight with tuna fish for lunch?
0:16:40 > 0:16:43I got their books confiscated for the signing this afternoon.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- Now they all hate me.- Ah.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49You know, in 1982, my band and I, we started to create a concept album
0:16:49 > 0:16:52about the building of the BLT sandwich.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54It was brilliant.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58The critics said it was a sin against the ears.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00It flopped spectacularly.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02- So, you know what we did?- What?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04We picked ourselves up, we dusted ourselves off,
0:17:04 > 0:17:06we wrote an even better album...
0:17:06 > 0:17:08- which also flopped.- Oh.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12You know, I thought I had a point somewhere in that story.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15This is bad. Even Mr Rock doesn't have a solution to our problem.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17I guess I'm going to find my own.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21No, no, it's OK. I got it, I got it, I got it.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- Where are you going? - I'm going to get the books back.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27OK, so, here's the plan.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30All I've got to do is sneak the keys off the caretaker.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32He wanted them chopping.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Oh, I chopped them all right, on no sleep.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Chop, chop, chop.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40And then, when no-one's looking, I slip into the staffroom...
0:17:42 > 0:17:44..and straight into the confiscation cupboard.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Note to self - fire caretaker.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03I don't remember this being part of the plan.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Unbelievable!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13No. No, no, no, no!
0:18:13 > 0:18:15What happened to the slime babies?
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Rosa.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28Westbrook both looks to the future and honours the past.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31It looks in both directions at the same time.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35Like...like owls, when they swivel their heads.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39And they allow someone like you to be the head, do they?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42That's either really impressive or really frightening.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Anyway, shouldn't we be getting on?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Because I don't want to be late for my next signing, so...
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- You!- Ah!- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Do you realise you've left a bonfire worth of logs
0:18:54 > 0:18:56right where we're doing our presentation?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Dispose of them at once.
0:18:58 > 0:19:0123 years, I've been at this school.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Miss Murray.
0:19:04 > 0:19:10Do you think you would feature an authoritive yet dashing headmaster
0:19:10 > 0:19:14- in your next space novel?- Hmm.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15No.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- HE LAUGHS - Look, it's fine.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Let me out!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21HE HUMS
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Hey! My great aunt used to hide in cupboards.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Thanks. I'm sorry. I'll explain later.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31And then, of course, my great aunt thought that beavers could talk.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Guys!
0:19:36 > 0:19:42- Guys!- The ending. This is just so perfect.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Mum, are you sure you have to be here?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Oh, yes. I wouldn't miss this for the world.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Oh, or this.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Oh, fancy seeing you here!
0:19:51 > 0:19:56Fine, you got me. I love the book so much.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59If it wasn't for you, I'd probably marry it.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Please, I have to know how it ends.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04OK, you've suffered enough.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY - Excuse me.- Whoa!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Coming through!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- Let me get them! Sorry.- Hi, Stan.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Apparently, he hasn't.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Your books are over here, safe and...
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- ..gone.- What are you doing?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Is this a prank? Where are the books, Hank?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26"Dispose of the logs at once," he said.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- He didn't say where. - HE CHUCKLES
0:20:29 > 0:20:31As one inspirational icon,
0:20:31 > 0:20:34it gives me great pleasure to introduce another.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39- Get ready.- Alien Adventure's author, Kathleen Murray.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45In my opinion, she and I are...
0:20:45 > 0:20:47How long is this speech going to last?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Because I would like to get to my signing at Eastbrook
0:20:49 > 0:20:52some time before the heat death of the universe.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Scrap the anthem!
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Oh, of course. The most appropriate sound for outer space - silence.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04Can I just start by saying how great it is to see so many of you here...
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Uh-oh.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15..and how much you love and nourish literature here at Westbrook.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24This is my book!
0:21:24 > 0:21:28I've had bad reviews, but this is ridiculous.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37SHE LAUGHS
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Zitzer did this. Get him!
0:21:46 > 0:21:48And this is where we came in.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Hold it!
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Everyone, please, let's have a little dignity here.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05If you need me, I'll be inside just cleaning my tentacles.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08All right, make way. Thank you.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Not happy. Just very, very not happy.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Please, Miss Murray, don't leave. We all love your books.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Well, I think you can see why I might find that hard to believe.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20It's all my fault.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22If we all hadn't loved your book so much,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24then they wouldn't have confiscated it,
0:22:24 > 0:22:26and if they hadn't been confiscated,
0:22:26 > 0:22:28they wouldn't have ended up in 1,000 pieces.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- Actually, there's a bit of alien in your hair.- Oh.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35And I wouldn't have fallen out with my two best friends.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39All that was on anyone's mind was the Alien Adventures.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42And you? What did you think of the big ending?
0:22:42 > 0:22:45I don't know. I can be a bit of a slow reader sometimes,
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- but I'll get through it.- Well, how do you think it should end?
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Well, I've only got to chapter five, but what if Captain Johannson
0:22:52 > 0:22:54is chased through a wormhole by the star fungus,
0:22:54 > 0:22:57sucked through back to the beginning of time
0:22:57 > 0:22:59and then ends up as the king of a mushroom universe?
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- SHE LAUGHS - You know, that's not bad.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Maybe you could twist the publisher's arm
0:23:04 > 0:23:06to use a dyslexia-friendly font?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14I'm writing all these ideas down, you know.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Don't listen to him!
0:23:16 > 0:23:20He's an exchange student from a zoo, and he's very much expelled.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Over my dead body!
0:23:23 > 0:23:26This one's got a lot of potential.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Right, let's get on with the signing
0:23:27 > 0:23:32cos there's plenty of copies left for everyone whose book was pulped.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- Hi. I'm Stan.- Oh.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- Can I have your autograph? - SHE CHUCKLES
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- And maybe a selfie? - SHE LAUGHS
0:23:40 > 0:23:41No.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I've got to admit it, Hank,
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- you do have a way of making the day more exciting.- Thanks.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48And I'm glad you both got your books back.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Books are so 11 o'clock this morning.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Ooh, there's a new extreme paintball dungeon in town.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55You're guaranteed to get bruised. Want to come?
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Lead the way, my friend. Lead the way.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01As of tomorrow, we have a television crew
0:24:01 > 0:24:02joining us in school.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Well, we just want kids with a story to tell.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07It's like being in a school full of Hank Zipzers.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Keep them away from me.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11That's what I'm trying to do, because they should be with me.
0:24:11 > 0:24:16- To be or not to be.- Awesome. - That is the question.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18I seem to remember we were going to get on TV together.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Forget all the other students.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22This is going to be a Hank Zipzer special.
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Ten times ten is what?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Of course we're a team. I've just opened the door.