0:00:34 > 0:00:37- "To be, or not to be..." - "To be, or not to be..."
0:00:37 > 0:00:40"That is the question."
0:00:40 > 0:00:41"That is the question."
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Another question is, "Why am I reciting Shakespeare on a
0:00:44 > 0:00:48"trampoline, while my head teacher pelts me with satsumas?"
0:00:48 > 0:00:51It started yesterday, in assembly.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55As of tomorrow, we have a television crew joining us in school.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57CHILDREN WHISPER EXCITEDLY
0:00:57 > 0:01:02Obviously, they mainly want to talk to me, but if they do film you,
0:01:02 > 0:01:05they want to film normal life at Westbrook Academy.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08So, and this is the important bit,
0:01:08 > 0:01:11everyone, and I mean everyone,
0:01:11 > 0:01:15is to behave exactly as you would on any other school day.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Understood?
0:01:20 > 0:01:23OK, this is weird. It's like being in a school full of Hank Zipzers.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24I know, fantastic, isn't it?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26How are we going to get noticed in this crowd?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Because there's three of us. We'll stick out as a team.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- Plus I've got loads of good ideas. - Like?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33We could take turns being human cannonballs.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39FUSE FIZZLES
0:01:39 > 0:01:40BANG
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Any ideas that don't involve us being shot or hurt?
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Though I'm absolutely ready if we do go down the injury route!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48- Just saying.- Why would you want to be on TV anyway?
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- It's a passive medium causing the decline of the attention span.- What?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- Sorry, I stopped listening. - You'll never see me on TV.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Yeah, not unless there's a channel for people obsessed with lizards.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Channel 489 - Reptile TV.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Sadly, they're not hiring at the moment.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06You know, Emily is not wrong. 1980, they did a documentary on our band.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Did you see it? Of course you did.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12But anyway, the TV crew would not leave us alone.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15So you're saying if we form a band, we'll get loads of attention?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17No, that's not what I'm driving at.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Can we borrow some kazoos?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21We're in trouble.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22CHILDREN SHOUT AND CHEER
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Moths to a flame. Pathetic.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Pathetic.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Full access, Quentin, you can film anything you like.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36I'm here for you. You can interview me for as long as you like.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38You can even talk to my mother.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Awesome, but we were hoping to focus more on the students.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- The-The...- The pupils of Westbrook?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47On them? Are you sure?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Because, between you and me, Quents, they're a bit...
0:02:49 > 0:02:50HE SNORES
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Right, well, we just want kids with a story to tell.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Maybe someone who has to overcome difficulties?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58You know, when I won my first documentary award...
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine. Look, I get it, you want a sob story.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04You can't throw a brick around here without hitting some troubled kid.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Right! Follow me!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09THEY PLAY 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME
0:03:16 > 0:03:18A-ha! Just the candidate!
0:03:18 > 0:03:22The most unfortunate member of our community,
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Nicholas McKelty!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26STUDENTS MUTTER ANGRILY
0:03:26 > 0:03:31A hopeless case. Academically useless. Written off by the system.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- But Sir, I'm a straight-A student. - Tragic, really.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36See how he lies to get attention.
0:03:38 > 0:03:44- Hang on, isn't that...?- Uh, Mr Rock, our music teacher.- Ex-Flaming Rhino.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Former rock star, and all-time guitar legend. This is TV gold!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Sorry, how did you come to be a lowly music teacher?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Isn't this documentary supposed to be about the kids?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57It is, but let's not forget about the inspiration behind the children.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Oh, my goodness. Is that a gorilla running off with your camera?
0:04:00 > 0:04:01I wouldn't have thought so.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04I'm going to stop it for you, you just stay right here.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Congratulations, Nicholas.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13As Westbrook's most challenged pupil,
0:04:13 > 0:04:17I intend to make you my special subject for the TV documentary.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- But, Sir, I excel in all areas of the curriculum.- Exactly!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I don't want an actual underachiever, do I?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26I want someone who can give me results.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28You want me to act stupid, so you can turn me around,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30and we'd both look good on TV?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33You behave disruptively in class, I come in, take control,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- you answer back. - OK, you pompous sack of dog-snot!
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- We haven't started yet! - Oh... Sorry, Sir.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42I take you under my wing, fix you!
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Now, go and wreak havoc!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46I'm not very good at havoc.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I might be able to manage a small kerfuffle.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Not a problem. I was quite a scallywag in my younger days.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I'm sure I've got a few tricks up my sleeve.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- Oh, they're here!- Out! All of you!
0:05:00 > 0:05:02How am I supposed to teach in these conditions?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Award-winning documentaries don't make themselves, I'm afraid.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09- But, we'll try our best not to get in your way.- "Not" get in my way?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I had less intrusive cameras at my last medical procedure!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- I mean, what's that?- Microphone.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17So we can capture all the sounds of a classroom.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19The only relevant sound in the classroom is the teacher's
0:05:19 > 0:05:21voice imparting facts.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25You don't need a microphone the size of a croquet mallet to hear that!
0:05:25 > 0:05:26MICROPHONE SQUEAKS
0:05:27 > 0:05:29(I think we've found ourselves a character.)
0:05:33 > 0:05:37OK, so the kazoos didn't fly. Plan B. Prank time. Hank Zipzer,
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- Nice to meet you.- Hi.- Ah, help!
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Henry Zipzer, hand me that spare appendage and SIT DOWN immediately!
0:05:50 > 0:05:56You have a...distinctive manner with the students, don't you, Miss Adolf?
0:05:56 > 0:06:01Yes. Well, my methods are based on respect, love and intimidation.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03They respect me, and I love to intimidate them.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06You know, if you tilt your head back slightly,
0:06:06 > 0:06:10you have a much stronger profile for the camera.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Not interested.
0:06:17 > 0:06:22- Nicholas McKelty! You're four minutes late for class!- Like I care.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Take a chill pill, Daddy-o.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Why's he speaking like someone from the Olden Days?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Remove your feet from that desk before I remove them
0:06:36 > 0:06:37from your ankles!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39This is awesome!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Um, children are like wolves.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45If you show them any weakness, then, you know, you're a dead duck.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47MUSIC PLAYS
0:06:47 > 0:06:51And as for all you squares, got my mobile with me, playing some tunes.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Probably to divert attention from my poor academic grades
0:06:54 > 0:06:57and emotional problems.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58KIDS CHEER
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Henry Zipzer!
0:07:00 > 0:07:02WHAT IS GOING ON?
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Some troubled child in need of my special lessons?
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- Only Henry Zipzer, as usual. - Nicholas!
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- ..Henry!- Oh, you run special lessons for children like Hank?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Ah, eh, yes. That's right.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23- Using my carefully developed teaching methods.- Awesome.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- Let's follow this.- Yes! Henry, follow me.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Did he just say "carefully developed teaching methods"?
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Um... What about my lessons?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46You said I was..."awesome".
0:07:46 > 0:07:51Oh, yeah, you were awesome. But this is, um, awesome squared.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52STUDENTS LAUGH
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Silence! Or there'll be detention squared!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01So! Special lessons, then.
0:08:01 > 0:08:07Ah, yes, um, that's what I said I did, so of course, it must be true!
0:08:08 > 0:08:13- So, what techniques do you use?- In my special lessons, you mean?- Yep.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Um...
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Ah.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- "To be, or not to be..." - "To be, or not to be..."
0:08:23 > 0:08:25"That is the question."
0:08:25 > 0:08:27"That is the question."
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I call this the "Joy" method of teaching.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35It combines...gymnastics,
0:08:35 > 0:08:37oration, and yummy fruit.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Doesn't gymnastics start with a "G"?
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Exactly the thing he'll learn once we're done.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Also, how does it work?
0:08:43 > 0:08:50It, um, stimulates pathways within the brainal region of the head.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Sir, can we just get in Frankie and Ashley now?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55- We're supposed to be part of a team. - Keep jumping!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- KNOCK AT DOOR - Come in.- Oh, hello Mr Joy, I'm...
0:08:58 > 0:08:59"To be, or not to be - that is the question."
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Um, what's my son doing on a trampoline?- Hamlet.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04It is by Shakespeare.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Often, the parents are as clueless as the children.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09What are you doing here, Mum?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Oh, well, obviously I had no idea that there was a film crew here.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- You did, cos I told you!- Hank! I knew absolutely nothing.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19But I just happened to be passing with these jumpers
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- that I thought you might like, seeing as it's so cold.- Cold?
0:09:22 > 0:09:26Yes, it's freezing, isn't it? Brrr! Hah. Anyway, best pop this on.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30It's the deli that I run, the Spicy Salami which offers
0:09:30 > 0:09:33a wonderful array of delicious foods at low, low, low, low prices.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36OK, that's awesome. But, we're trying to film here.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- What about the jumper?- Him? He's having a whale of a time.
0:09:41 > 0:09:46- Hello, Emily. Oh, it's ridiculous. - The way this TV crew's taken over?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48No! The way that they won't let me show my logo!
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Apparently there are strict rules about advertising on television.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56They said that anyone caught wearing this jumper won't be filmed.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58I'll wear it, Mum.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Oh, you're a good girl.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- 12 times 3 is 36.- Yeah? - 10 x 10 is what?- Uh...
0:10:05 > 0:10:09- Is WHAT?- ...100.- 100! GOOD!
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Oh, I don't feel right.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15I call this my voice operated mathematical instruction technique.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16V.O.M.I.T.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- No! Anyway...- You know, I think we should take a break.- Ah, good, yes.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Henry, get the door.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28GURGLE
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Stomachs aren't supposed to fizz, are they?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32BUBBLING
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Oh...- Remember,
0:10:35 > 0:10:39no child is too stupid to achieve!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42A great teacher said that.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- Who?- Me. Just then.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Ohh...
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Quentin!
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Just to let you know, I'm planning a lesson on medieval surgery
0:10:54 > 0:10:56this afternoon.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Thank you, but I think we've got all we need of you.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00What? There'll also be a demonstration!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Well, in fact, a full reconstruction.- Is that all?
0:11:03 > 0:11:07A documentary has to find the heart of the story,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10and this story is really all about the kids.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Right, well, in that case,
0:11:12 > 0:11:15- I could put the children in the demonstration.- Oh!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17That's him! it's Mr Rock!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Hey, Mr Rock, how does it feel to be out of the limelight? Mr Rock?
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Mr Rock!
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Anyone would think the nauseating little man had star quality.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30So I was on the trampoline and then a spinning chair,
0:11:30 > 0:11:32and they were filming the whole thing.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34I seem to remember we were going to get on the TV together.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Yeah, something about "being a team."- Yeah, of course we're a team.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I've just opened the door.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- Now they're interested, I can get you in with me.- Really?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- Yeah, of course, trust me. - Hey, you lot. Cake's up!
0:11:44 > 0:11:45SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- This is for you.- Thanks, Mrs Zipzer. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50You're not eating it now. You can eat it tomorrow. On camera.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53With smiles on your faces and, uh,
0:11:53 > 0:11:55if you could drop in the occasional comment like,
0:11:55 > 0:11:59"when you need to feed an army, get yourself down to the Spicy Salami."
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Yeah, we're not going to say that.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04OK, how about this one, "Don't be silly, don't be barmy,
0:12:04 > 0:12:05"just get down to the Spicy..."
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- You're just embarrassing yourself now.- OK...
0:12:09 > 0:12:11OK, hang on! How about this one?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- "We're not far, and we're not pricey..."- Mum!
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Oh, all right, all right.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16SHE TUTS
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- Hello?- Miss Adolf, is that you?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- Yes.- Are you alone?- Yes.- Good.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- Hi.- Hello. We need to talk.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- About the television people.- Yes! Keep them away from me!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44That's what I'm trying to do, because they should be with me!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46SHE SIGHS
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I hate to ask your advice on this,
0:12:49 > 0:12:54but you seem to have some sort of power over them.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58They only care about you if they find you interesting.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Interesting?
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- OK.- It's all about appearances.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Appearances...
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- Glamour over substance.- Glamour?
0:13:09 > 0:13:15- Thank you, Mr Rock. You've been extremely helpful.- Any time.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19No, I think this is probably the only time you'll ever be helpful.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Did she really just say that out loud to me?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Hank! Ready to roll?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Yeah, but all this stuff with the trampolines,
0:13:34 > 0:13:36- it's not really what the school's all about.- Oh, tell me -
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- what is school all about? - For me, it's about my friends.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I've got these amazing friends, Frankie and Ashley.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43And they're the reason I come to school.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46It's like, without them, I'm a total underachiever, but with them,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I can do anything. I've got loads of energy
0:13:49 > 0:13:51and confidence, and I don't need anyone else.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Hank, that's awesome. You know what,
0:13:54 > 0:13:58for the rest of the filming, we're just going to focus on you.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- But that's not what I... - Forget all the other students.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04This is going to be a Hank Zipzer special.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Ah-ha-ha, come on, let's get everything sorted.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- But you're not listening! - Well, WE were listening all right.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- Who needs friends, eh, Frankie? - Yeah, Hank doesn't need anyone else.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14But that's not what I said, I mean it is what I said,
0:14:14 > 0:14:15but... Frankie, Ashley!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Hank Zipzer! My office! Now!
0:14:20 > 0:14:24- Sir, please can I just go and talk to my friends?- No, you can't!
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Quentin wants to see results, and in spite of my efforts last night,
0:14:28 > 0:14:30you didn't manage to learn anything!
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I've learned your techniques don't work.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Well, that's not going to help you when you have to recite
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Shakespeare from memory in front of the whole school tomorrow afternoon!
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- But don't be nervous, you'll be OK.- How?
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Because, Zipzer, you and I are going to cheat.
0:14:46 > 0:14:51- I borrowed this earpiece from the television people.- You stole it.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53"Stole" is a very ugly,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56very accurate word.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57But that's irrelevant.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Just pop this in your ear during the demo
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- and I will feed you the right thing to say.- Do I have to?
0:15:02 > 0:15:06By all means refuse and make a lifelong enemy of me in the process.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10It's entirely up to you. THAT was sarcasm by the way.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12You're doing it.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:15:19 > 0:15:23Oh, Miss Adolf. You look...different.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Hah... You flatter thee, Quentin.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32- Did I? When?- I find it's important to look one's best when teaching.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37- Are you OK?- I'm awesome-cute, Quentin.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Almost feel I could burst into song.
0:15:42 > 0:15:49# Alas my love you do me wrong to have cast me out discourteously
0:15:50 > 0:15:54# And I have loved you so long
0:15:54 > 0:15:58# Delighting in your company
0:15:59 > 0:16:04# Greensleeves was all my joy Greensleeves was my... #
0:16:04 > 0:16:08- Awesome, awesome. Yeah, great. - Oh, oh, ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Sorry, um, I wanted to ask you something.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Quentin, would that be professional?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Um, where can I find Mr Rock?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Hank!
0:16:25 > 0:16:28You are the rudest human being I have ever...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31So, how are you feeling about your demonstration this afternoon?
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Mr Joy seems confident.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35He's not the one on a trampoline having fruit thrown at him.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Usually in these situations, I talk to my friends,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40but that might not be an option.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44What am I saying? It's always an option. Frankie, Ashley, wait.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- I need to talk to you.- Thought you were too busy being a TV star.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52That was a misunderstanding, I'm sorry, I really need your help.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54- Right, last chance. - OK.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56The thing is...
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Can I have a moment?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00- Oh, absolutely. Don't mind us. - No, it's just I don't want you
0:17:00 > 0:17:02filming me talking to Ashley and Frankie.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Yeah, I get it, we're stealing your limelight. Unbelievable!
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- Forget it, Hank. Come on, Frankie, let's go.- No, wait, guys!
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Hank, don't worry about them. Yeah? Let's get some more shots.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Argh!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Eurgh!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- Please, just give me some privacy. - Oh, yeah. Of course, of course.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Er, don't be long!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52What did he have for lunch?
0:17:57 > 0:18:01- Oh, Mr Rock.- Hi, Hank. - You don't...live in here, do you?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Oh, no, no, no. I'm hiding out.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05You know, the TV people when they come after me,
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- they come like zombies. - Tell me about it, you were right.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09This is losing me my friends.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10How did the Flaming Rhinos get through it?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Oh, well, thank goodness I had the emotional maturity to handle
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- that situation.- So what did you do? - I hid in a cupboard.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Ah, Mr Joy!
0:18:20 > 0:18:23All systems go for our big demonstration this afternoon,
0:18:23 > 0:18:25but where's the star of our show?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I'm right here! Ha-ha! Ta-da!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- No, Hank.- Yeah, right, of course.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Um,
0:18:32 > 0:18:33I will go fetch him.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Cheers, thanks.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40Henry Zipzer, come in, Henry Zipzer.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Hank, don't worry.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45You sit tight, this whole thing's going to blow over.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48MR JOY ON EARPIECE: 'Henry Zipzer! If you don't come here this moment,
0:18:48 > 0:18:52'I will dedicate myself to blighting the rest of your academic career.'
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Did I say blow over? I meant blow up.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09I've got a problem. Zipzer was last seen running into the boy's toilets.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- I think he's bottled it. - Ew, that's disgusting...
0:19:12 > 0:19:15So, it's back to Plan A. Do you know Hamlet and your 12 times table?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17"To be, or not to be, that..."
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I don't want to hear it - they do! Now, get up on that trampette
0:19:20 > 0:19:21and start soliloquizing.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Yes, sir.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32- THROUGH EARPIECE:- 'To be, or not to be - that is the question.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33'Good lad, McKelty.'
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Look at that. Your problem's solved.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39He's already found a replacement.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- I suppose so. I'm off the hook.- Yeah!
0:19:41 > 0:19:44But, then it looks like Mr Joy can cure learning difficulties
0:19:44 > 0:19:46with fruit.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49What if they actually think Mr Joy's a genius?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51What if they actually believe him?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53I'm going out there to tell them the truth.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58- I'm Hank Zipzer, and I'm an underachiever.- You do that, Hank.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Be strong. Don't hide from your problems.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Great, are you coming with me? - No chance!
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Close the door on the way out.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Oh, Miss Adolf, do you know where the cameras are?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13They're in the hall for some ridiculous demonstration
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- with your son.- Perfect.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Er, it's strictly no parents.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Oh, no, I'm not here in a parental capacity.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Catering. I've got a Spicy Salami cake.- Sounds revolting.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Oh, no, it hasn't got any salami in it. Look!
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Anyhow, I've got to get it in front of the cameras.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Wait!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I knew I should have gone for rollerblades.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41Ladies and gentlemen, students, viewers at home,
0:20:41 > 0:20:44just days ago, Nicholas McKelty was a no-hoper.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Destined for a life of failure.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50But, I do not give up on students.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Sorry, what happened to Hank?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Forget about him, he was useless.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Then I introduced Nicholas to the
0:20:56 > 0:21:01Joy system of learning. Ha-ha-ha-ha, and a miracle occurred.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04To be, or not to be - that is the question.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- Hank, there you are, awesome. - I think this is yours.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10- Where did you find this?- Ask Mr Joy.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13I need to talk to the cameras.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Here goes.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Sorry, everyone, but I need to tell you something.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- Out of the way, Zipzer, you had your chance.- No, I need to say this!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25To be, or not to be - that is the question!
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Argh, I need to tell you that this technique does not work.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Henry Zipzer!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Sorry, what is happening to my documentary?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40EVERYONE SCREAMS AND SHOUTS
0:21:43 > 0:21:45THE STUDENTS LAUGH
0:21:51 > 0:21:52I'm going to build sandcastles...
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Big sandcastles...
0:21:54 > 0:21:56And then decorate...
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I am a serious,
0:22:02 > 0:22:04award-winning director!
0:22:05 > 0:22:11And you have tried to deceive me with cheap tricks and cheating!
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Look at me! I am covered in cake!
0:22:15 > 0:22:17STUDENTS LAUGH
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Ah, yes, but not just any cake.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21This is cake from the Spicy Salami deli made with the finest
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- Italian ingredients.- ENOUGH!
0:22:23 > 0:22:28We are not continuing this documentary any more!
0:22:28 > 0:22:29We're finished!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32EVERYONE LAUGHS
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Oh, and I was just starting to enjoy myself.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Can we go back into lessons now, please?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42..So I did mention both of you, you just somehow didn't hear it.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Don't worry about it. You were probably on a swivel
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- chair or something.- Sorry you didn't get to be on TV.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Mm, forget it. At least we didn't have to do this!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52To be, or not to be in a documentary - that is the question!
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Quick, kids! You're on TV!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Rewind it, show them!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00NEWS ANNOUNCHER: And finally today, chaos broke out
0:23:00 > 0:23:02at local Westbrook Academy.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05It was all caught on camera by a visiting documentary team.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- MUM: Look, there's me! - All over his face! Oh!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09No-one was seriously hurt in the incident,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12although Headmaster Joy was treated at the scene.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14- And me!- Yeah!
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Footage clearly shows the children were traumatised.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20- And me!- ...And me.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Everybody's there apart from you, Hank.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25You know what? That's fine by me. Mr Rock was right when he...
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Mr Rock!
0:23:27 > 0:23:31I forgot to tell him the cameras had left.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Someone will have told him, right?
0:23:34 > 0:23:39OK... You know what? I'm going to give it five more minutes.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44Ashley saved my life today. She's acting like I did her the favour.
0:23:44 > 0:23:49Today, Westbrook Academy gets to host a surprise teaching inspection.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Do somebody else a favour.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Find somebody in need and pass them on the mojo.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57My being here brings out the basest survival instincts in them.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00This is not the way I expected things to happen
0:24:00 > 0:24:02when I decided to do something good.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06You know what? I'm starting to think me and Nick could be friends.