0:00:02 > 0:00:05- Dave, do you know anyone who works in television?- Well, me.
0:00:05 > 0:00:09No, I meant someone important. I've got a great idea for a TV show.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Come on, then, let's hear it.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Well, we take a celebrity, or someone like you,
0:00:14 > 0:00:19and we uncover their family history. Pretty original, hey?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Sounds exactly like Who Do You Think You Are?.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Well, yes, but you know we're going to give it
0:00:23 > 0:00:24some kind of Rattussy spin.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26HE LAUGHS It's never going to happen.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33# If mummies, rats and fleas Ain't your thing
0:00:33 > 0:00:36# And you don't like the sound Of an exploding king
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# If you're easily scared And don't laugh at poo
0:00:39 > 0:00:42# You'd better turn off This show ain't for you
0:00:42 > 0:00:46# Still watching? Then let's test your brains
0:00:46 > 0:00:49# With Horrible Histories Gory Games
0:00:49 > 0:00:51# Horrible Histories Gory...
0:00:52 > 0:00:53# ..Games! #
0:00:53 > 0:00:57- Hello and welcome to... - Who Do You Think You Are?.- No!
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- Yes, the show where you actually get to meet your ancestors.- No, no, no!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Shut it, Rattus! Shut it!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It's not Who Do You Think You Are?, it's Gory Games,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09so welcome, everyone, to Gory Games.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Let's meet today's Horrible Historians.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Hi, I'm Affan and I'm from London.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16CHEERING
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Hi, I'm John Oscar and I'm from Falkirk.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19CHEERING
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Hi, I'm Elisabeth and I'm from North Yorkshire.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24CHEERING
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Welcome, everyone. Right, you lot are here to win Year Spheres.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34The person with the highest year score at the end of the show will
0:01:34 > 0:01:38win a prize pulled out of the Time Sewer by this vile vermin.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- No need to thank me.- No need indeed.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Let's crack on with round one, shall we?
0:01:43 > 0:01:46And to find out what it's about, it's over to the Gory Grid.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51It's the Savage Stone Age.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54So, four questions on the Savage Stone Age coming up.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58The person who gets the most right, wins the first Year Sphere.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02You all know this! Your four Stone Age topics are...
0:02:08 > 0:02:12So, Affan, it's your turn to pick first in this opening round.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16- I would go for Fire, please.- Fire.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Which of those did Stone Age people living in Orkney Islands
0:02:19 > 0:02:20use as fuel for fire?
0:02:20 > 0:02:26A - human hair, B - animal poo, or C - horse guts.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Show me now, please.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31OK, complete disagreement, they all think it's a different answer.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32What is the actual answer?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Answer is B. We used animal poo
0:02:35 > 0:02:39as fuel for fires. Clever.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- Stinky though.- They burnt poo?!
0:02:41 > 0:02:46Yeah, yeah, absolutely true. Poo can burn.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49After I found a vindaloo in your bin, my bottom was on fire.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53- Thanks for sharing that, Rattus. - No, no, thank you for sharing.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Affan, you have taken the lead, well played.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Plenty of time to catch up, of course. John Oscar, pick a topic.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Can I have Chinchorro Tribe, please?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Boldly picking the hardest one to pronounce.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06What did Stone Age Chinchorro tribe do with loved ones
0:03:06 > 0:03:08when they're dead?
0:03:08 > 0:03:14A - eat them, B - mummify them, or C - throw them off cliff.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Show me those answers now, please. Total disagreement again.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- What's the answer?- Answer is...
0:03:21 > 0:03:22B. Chinchorro tribe
0:03:22 > 0:03:27mummify dead relatives and bring them out for special occasions.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Spooky.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Like there aren't already too many relatives
0:03:31 > 0:03:33around the table at Christmas.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36You're telling me. Last year, we had 30,000 round.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40That is a lot of crackers. Well done, Affan. Excellent work.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Two-point lead. You can all still catch up. Elisabeth, have a pick.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- Can I have Art, please?- That sadly is a question from Rattus Rattus.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- Yay!- Oh, that's nice.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Created more than 40,000 years ago,
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Europe's oldest piece of cave art is thought to be what?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- Is it A - a brown bison... - BELLOWING
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- ..B - a red dot... - SPLAT!
0:04:01 > 0:04:04..or C - a black circle?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Show me those answers now, please.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Total disagreement again! Are you ever going to agree on anything,
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I wonder? What's the answer, Rattus?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14The answer is...B.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15A red dot is Europe's
0:04:15 > 0:04:17oldest piece of cave art.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Well, either that or Europe's oldest swatted bug.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23I suppose it could go either way. Elisabeth, well done.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27You're in the game. That's a point to you. Just one topic left.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30It is a question on Leather. Let's hear it.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Stone Age people turn animal skin into leather by soaking it in what?
0:04:34 > 0:04:40A - animal brains, B - fox poo, or C - seal blubber.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Show me now, please.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44John Oscar and Elisabeth have agreed.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Well, that's the first time anyone has agreed during this entire show.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48What's the answer?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Answer is A. Animal brains
0:04:52 > 0:04:57make animal skin so soft. Nice.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I always knew we'd find a use for that brain of yours
0:04:59 > 0:05:01one day, Rattus.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04John Oscar, Elisabeth, well done. A point apiece there.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05And at the end of that round,
0:05:05 > 0:05:10we can see that Affan and Elisabeth are in a tie-breaker situation.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14John Oscar, just for now, you're history.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Affan and Elisabeth, here is your tie-breaker question.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Beginning with the letter A, what was the name of the missile
0:05:20 > 0:05:24invented by cavemen that was commonly used with a bow?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Arrow.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Arrow is correct. Well done, Affan. You have won the quiz.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's time for you to choose your Year Sphere,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35but that means it's also time for me to say...
0:05:35 > 0:05:40all hail the Potty Pyramid.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Affan, help yourself.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51We'll find out what's inside at the end of the show.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54So, winning the Stone Age quiz means Affan is automatically
0:05:54 > 0:05:55through to play the Stone Age game,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58but will he be alone or will everyone get to play?
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Let's find out.
0:06:01 > 0:06:06Ooh, it's a single player game. So, Affan, off down that
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Time Sewer on your own, fella.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Oh, it stinks!
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Yeah, it is pretty unpleasant in there.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16It's the Stone Age,
0:06:16 > 0:06:20when food could be absolutely anything from healthy vegetables
0:06:20 > 0:06:23right down to the contents of a dead mega bear's stomach.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Yes, let's play...
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Simply have a rummage around the dead mega bear's stomach
0:06:30 > 0:06:33and fish out the half digested stuff that's in there
0:06:33 > 0:06:37and then, match the items to the cave painting before any live
0:06:37 > 0:06:40mega bears turn up and spoil the party.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44GROWLING
0:06:44 > 0:06:47So, Affan surveys the bear before diving in.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50He doesn't look like he wants to get his hands dirty here, Rattus,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52but I'm afraid that's what this game is all about.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55A quick glance at the clues there, smart move.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- He's a smart lad and he's grabbed a fish.- Oh, that looks tasty!
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Just like Granny's old recipe for fish basted in stomach acid.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Urgh! That sounds unspeakable,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06but he's really getting into it now, is Affan.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10That's a rock but he's heading over to the table, he thinks it's a rat.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Of all the cheek!
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Dave, do I look like a rock to you?
0:07:13 > 0:07:18- No, Rattus, you're far too smelly to be a rock.- Oh.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19BELL DONGS
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Whoa! Now, that sound means he needs to get a move on.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Affan's going for it here,
0:07:23 > 0:07:25but not quite quickly enough.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27It looks more like he's looking for money
0:07:27 > 0:07:28down the side of a settee,
0:07:28 > 0:07:30albeit the most disgusting settee in the world,
0:07:30 > 0:07:32filled with guts and smelly stuff.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- You mean my settee? - Exactly like your settee.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Well, Affan has the leaf of a cabbage here.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39That's going to have to do,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41but he still needs two more items,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43he's only got eight seconds.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46He's staring down the barrel of defeat here.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Time is ticking away.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49No, it's not going to happen, Rattus.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50GROWLING
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Nice try, Affan, but no Year Sphere this time.
0:07:53 > 0:07:58It was so, like, wet and disgusting.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Well, it is Gory Games.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Welcome back, Affan.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04STONE AGE MAN ROARS Stone Age man! Stone Age man!
0:08:04 > 0:08:10- That's not just any old Stone Ager, that's early Lamb.- What?
0:08:10 > 0:08:15Who Do You Think You Are?, he's one of your first ancestors.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Hey, he's just like you, Dave. Only more articulate.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Look over there, sir!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24DAVE SCREAMS
0:08:24 > 0:08:25HE LAUGHS
0:08:25 > 0:08:30Oh, well, the show must go on. Affan, are you there?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Ah, great!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Sadly, no Year Sphere for you this time,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37but it's still all to play for.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40What's up next? Let's go over to the Gory Grid.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45It's the Vile Victorians. Good day.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47And your four Victorian topics are...
0:08:55 > 0:08:59Oh, looks like we've got another visitor. Who do you think it is?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Lord David Montague De Feffle Lamb at your service.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Wow! It's Dave's great-great-grandpa,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Victorian Dave. Just like Dave, only more up-to-date.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14- Can you help me host the quiz, Lord Dave?- I'd be honoured, rodent.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18- What do I do?- Well, you just read the cards.- Any fool could do that.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Any fool does.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23You boy, John Oscar, only two names? You should have ten like me.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Ridiculous amount of names. Choose a question, boy.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- Could I have Prisons, please? - Acceptable.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Sadly, this appears to be a question from the rodent.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Victorian prisons were
0:09:33 > 0:09:38so overcrowded that some convicts were held on prison ships
0:09:38 > 0:09:42floating on the River Thames, but what were the ships called?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Was it...
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Let's see those answers, please.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53What's the answer, rodent?
0:09:53 > 0:09:55The answer is A, hulks.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Nothing for the gentleman. One point for the young gentleman.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04One point for the young lady. Young lady, choose a category, please.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06- Can I have Cures, please? - Yes, you can.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Which of these was a Victorian cure for boils?
0:10:09 > 0:10:14A - rubbing the boil with snake skin, B - piercing the boil
0:10:14 > 0:10:18with a hedgehog spine, or C - placing porridge on the boil?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Let's see those answers. What's the answer, please?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24The answer is C. The Victorian cure for a boil
0:10:24 > 0:10:26was to place porridge on it.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29I'm sorry to tell you that no-one scored any points there.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Quite ridiculous and pathetic. Young man in green, choose a topic.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Queen Victoria.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Which of the following did Queen Victoria have as a pet?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Let's see those answers, please.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49You've all gone for C.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51What's the answer, please?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54The answer is A. Queen Victoria
0:10:54 > 0:10:57had a pet rat. Good gracious!
0:10:57 > 0:11:02Well, let's hope it wasn't a talking rat, eh? A talking rat.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04You know what? I should sell you to a Victorian freak show.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Oi, back off, Victorian Dave.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08I've got a full bladder
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- and I'm not afraid to use it. - Good heavens.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12One more question in this round,
0:11:12 > 0:11:14no-one gets to choose and that's how it should be.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18In Victorian times, poor people, or riffraff as I call them,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20would scavenge through the filth at the side of the Thames
0:11:20 > 0:11:23looking for anything they could sell. Were they known as...
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Let's see those answers.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34And you've all gone for C - sewer rats.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Good choice, but is it?
0:11:37 > 0:11:38The answer is B -
0:11:38 > 0:11:40mudlarks.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Yes, that's right and let's not forget our Victorian
0:11:43 > 0:11:46sewers emptied straight into the Thames.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Yes, it was the big splash at the end of the log flume.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50Well, at the end of that round,
0:11:50 > 0:11:52we see that two of you have the same score.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Some sort of deadlock shatterer must be in order.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00You, er, you wouldn't happen to have a little card with some
0:12:00 > 0:12:02deadlock questions on, would you?
0:12:02 > 0:12:04For heavens' sake, I'm saving this show.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Beginning with the letter A, Lewis Carroll wrote a famous
0:12:08 > 0:12:10children's book about a girl who...
0:12:10 > 0:12:11- Yes?- Alice In Wonderland.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Alice In Wonderland. Well, I'm going to give it to you.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17That full question - beginning with the letter A, Lewis Carroll
0:12:17 > 0:12:19wrote a famous children's book about a girl who
0:12:19 > 0:12:22fell down a rabbit hole, what was her name?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Alice, I think you'd have got that, absolutely. Well done.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27You have won yourself a Time Orb.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- Er, Year Sphere. - You've won yourself a Year Sphere.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33You're very good at this. You should do it all the time.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Thank you very much.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37So, Elisabeth, you are the winner of that round, congratulations.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40You shall be the one to play the Victorian game, but shall
0:12:40 > 0:12:44you play alone or will your little urchin friends here join you?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Victorian Dave, you couldn't press the button, could you?
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- Yes, pressed it. - No, no, the one on the desk.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I'm pressing... On the desk? Ah, this chap.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00Elisabeth, only you shall play. Down the Time Sewer, please.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05- It stinks in here!- I hope she's not blaming me for that.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08During the Industrial Revolution, small children were forced to
0:13:08 > 0:13:11work in dangerous factories, and quite right too.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14There was always a high risk of injury, that's just part of the job.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15It's time to play...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Somewhere in this factory are four fingers.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Well, there are a lot more than that, but the four
0:13:21 > 0:13:23we're interested in are scattered around.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25You have to navigate your way through the machinery
0:13:25 > 0:13:27and reunite the hand and all its digits.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30You've got to get it all done within the time limit
0:13:30 > 0:13:31to collect your Year Sphere.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34In three, in two, in one.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36HORN BELLOWS
0:13:36 > 0:13:39So the first obstacle appears to be a mangle.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40She's through there quickly enough.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Takes me back to my childhood actually that, the mangle,
0:13:43 > 0:13:46watching the servants wring out the laundry.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49That was terrific fun for me, just standing there watching them,
0:13:49 > 0:13:50shouting at them.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52It was all good, clean fun.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Victorian Dave, you really are a dreadful man.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Thank you, I take that as a huge compliment.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00So, what's this guttersnipe up to now?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Er, well, she seems to be fiddling with her finger,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05trying to get it out of those screws, and she's done it.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Very good. Bravo, urchin.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10One finger collected, three more to be discovered.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12What's she doing now? Rummaging.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Hmph. I can't say I approve of rummaging.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- Well, she has to rummage to find the finger.- So she does.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20And so she has. Two fingers found,
0:14:20 > 0:14:23this girl has some modicum of talent.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Maybe I should offer her a position at one of my own factories.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Were all Victorians this vile?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Yes, across the board. Absolutely all of us were.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Well, she's through the loom
0:14:34 > 0:14:35and now, she's manipulating
0:14:35 > 0:14:38a finger downwards using a chain pulley system.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Hello, who's this chap?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Oh, it's the factory owner!
0:14:41 > 0:14:43And he's almost as big a monster as you.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Well, well, I think it's about time
0:14:45 > 0:14:46we had someone like this arrive.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49He's giving that child proper encouragement.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Poking her with a rather sharp stick.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52This is what needs to happen here,
0:14:52 > 0:14:54and she will thank him for it.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55HE TUTS
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Well, he's gone now.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58And, almost certainly,
0:14:58 > 0:15:00she's not going to do it, as a result.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Yes, two seconds left, it's all over.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04KLAXON WAILS
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Bad luck, you failed, time to go to the workhouse.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09The factory boss was putting me off,
0:15:09 > 0:15:11and he was very annoying, because he kept...
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- I heard that!- Ah!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Go away. Please go away.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Well, jolly bad luck, Elisabeth.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20So near and yet so far.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Right, well, I've got to go, tea with Queen Victoria at five.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Pip pip, old bean.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- Ta, Victorian Dave.- Good day.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Right, then. What's next on the old era agenda?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35It's the measly Middle Ages.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Oh, it looks like we've got another of Dave's rellies.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Don't tell me, you're Peasant Dave.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47No, I'm King Dave I in a stupid peasant disguise.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51- Really?- No, I'm joking with you, I am Peasant Dave.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54You're much like Modern Dave, aren't you?
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Only you smell better.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Mm. That's a bonus.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01So, four questions on the measly Middle Ages, coming up.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09So, Elisabeth, your turn to lead off. What's it to be?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Can I have the Black Death, please?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Why would you want the Black Death?
0:16:14 > 0:16:15Let's hear the question.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16True or false?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18A Middle Ages cure for the plague was to fart in a jar...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20FARTING
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- ..and then to smell it. - SNIFFING
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Let's see those answers, please.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Well, everybody's gone for false.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28But what's the answer?
0:16:28 > 0:16:29It's true!
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Well, that's what I always do. And I never caught the Black Death.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34HE COUGHS
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Sorry.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- The... - HE COUGHS
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Black Death! He's got the Black Death!
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Calm down, Peasant Dave.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- That's easy for you to say! You're just a carrier!- That's true.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Oh, no, Black...
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Calm down!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Affan, your question next.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Weddings.- Let's hear the question.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55True or false?
0:16:55 > 0:16:59At medieval weddings, the wedding cake was thrown at the bridegroom.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Oh, now, I know this. I know this.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03True or false?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Oh, so, what's the answer?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09It's false.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11You threw the wedding cake at the bride!
0:17:11 > 0:17:12SPLAT WOMAN SHRIEKS
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Eyeball to the green fella, skull to the yellow lady.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Skull!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20OK, John Oscar, it's your choice.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Could I have coin stampers, please?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25True or false?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27In the early Middle Ages, if you worked as a coin stamper
0:17:27 > 0:17:30and stole one of the coins,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33then your hand was cut off and nailed to the workshop door!
0:17:33 > 0:17:34HAMMER BANGS
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Is that true or false?
0:17:38 > 0:17:39What's the answer, please?
0:17:39 > 0:17:40It's true.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Just checking.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Right. And them coin stampers weren't even paid.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51They just got bed and board.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52So they were making money,
0:17:52 > 0:17:55but they weren't making any money.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56That's harsh.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00So, that's one for Affan and one for John Oscar.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02It's the final question, and it's on castles.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04So, true or false?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08When a rival came to kill 11th century aristocrat Gerald of Wales,
0:18:08 > 0:18:12he was forced to flee to safety from Cilgerran Castle
0:18:12 > 0:18:14by sliding down the toilet chute
0:18:14 > 0:18:16and crawling out through the cesspit.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Is that true or false?
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Let me see your answers, please.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24And you've all gone for false.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25And the answer is...
0:18:25 > 0:18:27..true!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Oh, I love crawling through cesspits!
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Oh, me too, Peasant Dave.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34We've got a lot in common, really.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38So, Affan, at the end of that round,
0:18:38 > 0:18:40you've won yourself a Year Sphere.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41Come and collect it.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44MARTIAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:44 > 0:18:47OK, Affan, as the winner of the Middle Ages quiz,
0:18:47 > 0:18:49you're through to play the Middle Ages game.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53But will it be just you, or is everyone going along?
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Let's find out!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Could you push the button, please, Peasant Dave?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- What button?- The thingummiejigger.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Oh, the thingummiejigger! Why didn't you say?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05It's an all-player game!
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- So, are you ready, the lot of you?- Yeah!
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Then down the Time Sewer with you!
0:19:11 > 0:19:17It's the Middle Ages, and you want to get into a castle, really badly.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Who knows why? Maybe it's got a really nice gift shop.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Anyway, it's time to play...
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Get the castle defences to give up by splatting them with
0:19:27 > 0:19:29rocks, rotten meat and horse heads.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30HORSE NEIGHS
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Get the most missiles into your fortress target
0:19:32 > 0:19:35within the time limit to win the Year Sphere.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Siege the moment!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Fire!
0:19:42 > 0:19:46Well, they're all running around, they've got a stone each.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47And fire!
0:19:47 > 0:19:50There goes the thing, flying through the air, missing the thing.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Elisabeth shoots. And scores!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I once hit my head on a stone.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Why doesn't that surprise me?- What?
0:20:00 > 0:20:01And John Oscar scores!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Ha-ha, the thing went in the thing!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Really starting to miss Modern Dave.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Oh, John Oscar makes it two points! - Yes!
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Affan is still trying to find his range. Oh, he's hit the camera!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14What on earth is a camera?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Well, that's going to come out of his pocket money.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Make that three for John Oscar!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Did I tell you I once hit my head on a stone?
0:20:21 > 0:20:22And Elisabeth scores!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25This is going to be a close one.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Oh, and John Oscar's got one in Elisabeth's basket,
0:20:27 > 0:20:29so that's not going to count.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32So, like, if one of them gets a thing into someone else's thing,
0:20:32 > 0:20:34- that doesn't count as a thing? - That's exactly it.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Well, that's a funny thing, isn't it?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39And it's landed in someone else's thing, so it doesn't count.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40He's got a funny thing,
0:20:40 > 0:20:42he fires it, it landed in someone else's thing,
0:20:42 > 0:20:44so it doesn't count.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- I'm not sure you're helping. - I've got the hang of this!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49And now it's finished.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50I wonder who's won?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Probably that bloke there, dancing around with a horse's head.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55John Oscar wins! How does it feel?
0:20:55 > 0:20:58It feels great! I didn't think I was getting a Year Sphere at all.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Could you open the door, please, Peasant Dave?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Righty oh. Come on in, you lot.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10And jump back down it, because you were utterly useless.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13I never thought I'd say this, but I want Modern Dave back.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15See you later, then.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Cheerio, you lot.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20John Oscar, well done. Collect your Year Sphere.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22MARTIAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:21:22 > 0:21:24I got a Year Sphere!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Will it be an AD date or a BC date?
0:21:27 > 0:21:30We'll have to wait till the end of the show to find out.
0:21:30 > 0:21:31AMERICAN ACCENT: Hi!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I'm Dave Lamb from the future.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Dave Lamb's great-great-grandson.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Oh, they've invented a cure for baldness, then?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43NORMAL ACCENT: No, I'm only kidding with you, it's me!
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I've come via the 1960s
0:21:45 > 0:21:47and nicked all this clobber from the Doctor Who set.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49It's the final round, so it's over to the Gory Grid
0:21:49 > 0:21:51to find out what we've got.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55It's the awesome USA!
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Are you ready to venture into the unknown?
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Well, let's get down there, then.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Absolutely stinks in here!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06It will do.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07You didn't mention it smelled!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12This is a tribute to those brave astronauts
0:22:12 > 0:22:14who travelled all the way to the moon,
0:22:14 > 0:22:16and left bags of poo behind.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20No, they really did, to make their spacecraft lighter.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Yup. It's time to play...
0:22:24 > 0:22:27You are an Apollo 15 astronaut and have to dump your...
0:22:27 > 0:22:32..well, dumps, wee and vomit into the handy moon craters
0:22:32 > 0:22:34whilst grabbing yourself some moon rocks.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37The first person to make it back to base with three rocks
0:22:37 > 0:22:40and raise their flag will be the proud owner of a Year Sphere.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42It's time for lift-off, in...
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Well, this is a lovely, futuristic game to end on.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51You said you're not from the future.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Well, you'll never know!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Everyone needs to find their coloured crater
0:22:55 > 0:22:57to drop off their first bag of poo.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Affan's having a little difficulty, there.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02John Oscar tosses his first poo, it's a miss.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04He'll have to get that back from the astronaut later on.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Elisabeth drops off her plops,
0:23:06 > 0:23:08and John Oscar's buggy bumps into her.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Well, that wasn't very gallant.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Affan very carefully tosses his first number two,
0:23:13 > 0:23:15but something is wrong here.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16That is the wrong crater!
0:23:16 > 0:23:19He'll have to wait for some help retrieving that.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Oh, I've been there, Affan.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I'm always leaving poo where it isn't wanted.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Truer words were never spoken.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28The astronaut's busy retrieving John Oscar's poo,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31so Affan has to wait here. This is going to cost him.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Heavy traffic behind Affan, now.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36And finally, he's away.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38So, the astronauts who went to the moon,
0:23:38 > 0:23:42they left a load of rubbish and urine and poo on the surface?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Yeah, you'd have felt right at home, there.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Now, Elisabeth gets her third poo,
0:23:47 > 0:23:50and that means she is now after moon rocks.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54John Oscar deposits number two number two,
0:23:54 > 0:23:57and Affan gets his first poo away.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00There's Elisabeth, trying to grab that rock, she's missed it.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Well, that could be crucial, couldn't it?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04She can't really go into reverse.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07John Oscar is now on his rocks.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09And Elisabeth claims her first.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11So, at the moment, it's between John Oscar
0:24:11 > 0:24:14and Elisabeth, with Affan slightly behind.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16But they're neck and neck, look at this!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19It's really rally driving, this, in many ways.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21That's the first rock for John Oscar,
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Affan deposits number two number two.
0:24:24 > 0:24:29Oh, agonisingly close, but that rock has gone awry!
0:24:29 > 0:24:31And is there a chance for Affan, here?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33He's creeping back.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36He's creeping back, and John Oscar's taken the lead.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38He's got two rocks.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Well, Elisabeth seems to have thrown this away, slightly.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44John Oscar's now got his third rock, he's come from nowhere!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47He's now got to get back and plant that flag,
0:24:47 > 0:24:50as Elisabeth finally secures rock number two.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53That took her a while, it has to be said.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56John Oscar needs to get back and plant his flag.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58He's getting out of the moon buggy now.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00This is going to be it!
0:25:00 > 0:25:01John Oscar wins the space race!
0:25:03 > 0:25:06It was hard at first, but then I found it easier.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I missed my first two bags of poo,
0:25:08 > 0:25:10but then the astronaut got it for me, and I got the two in.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I was really happy that I won. I had no idea I was actually going to win!
0:25:13 > 0:25:14Well, you did.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Oh, terrific work, everybody! Terrific work.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21Help yourself, John Oscar. Well played.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24That was the final Year Sphere.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26It has been won.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28And now, it's time to count them up.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Remember, AD dates are added to your total,
0:25:30 > 0:25:33and BC dates are subtracted from it.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Here we go, then.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Affan, open up that first Year Sphere, please.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Oh, it's an AD date, but it's a very small one.
0:25:40 > 0:25:4360 AD. Boudicca rebelled against the Romans that year.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Let's have a look at the second one.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Oh!
0:25:48 > 0:25:50It's a big BC,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52it's 4000 BC.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55The domestication of the horse happened round about then.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58So you have a large BC total, there, 3,940.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Who knows? it may be enough.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03John Oscar, let's have a look at that first one.
0:26:03 > 0:26:051170 AD!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Thomas Becket was murdered in Canterbury Cathedral that year.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Let's have a look at that second one.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11Oh, it's another AD,
0:26:11 > 0:26:13you'll be delighted to hear!
0:26:13 > 0:26:161887 AD, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
0:26:16 > 0:26:18published his first Sherlock Holmes story that year.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21You've got an excellent total, John Oscar.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I don't think it can be beaten. Elisabeth,
0:26:23 > 0:26:24let's see what you've got, anyway.
0:26:26 > 0:26:271533, it's a decent score.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Henry VIII married Anne Boleyn that year.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34But it's congratulations to John Oscar, because he has amassed
0:26:34 > 0:26:36a whopping 3,057 points,
0:26:36 > 0:26:39which means that he is today's winner.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:40 > 0:26:43And John Oscar, I'm afraid that's where the good news ends.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Because sadly, your prize is going to be
0:26:45 > 0:26:49something disgusting that's been scooped out of the murky waters
0:26:49 > 0:26:51of the Time Sewer by Rattus, here.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53No, I tell you, Dave, this one's a cracker.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56I'd give my right arm to get this!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Because it is, in fact, a right arm!
0:26:59 > 0:27:00SHRIEK
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Whose arm?
0:27:02 > 0:27:03St Oswald's!
0:27:03 > 0:27:06It was a sacred relic that was famously stolen
0:27:06 > 0:27:10in the Middle Ages by a bunch of monks from Peterborough Abbey.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Cheeky monkeys!
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Who would want a right arm? What do they use it for?
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Scratching your back? Getting biscuits off the top shelf?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Shaking hands with politicians?
0:27:20 > 0:27:23I mean, the list of uses is endless.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25There you go, John Oscar.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Try not to high-five it.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Oh, you have high-fived it.
0:27:29 > 0:27:30A mistake, in my opinion.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Well, I hope you enjoy it.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35At least you don't have to face the perils of the Time Sewer,
0:27:35 > 0:27:38which is, I'm afraid, what's going to happen to you two runners-up.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39Go on, then, off you go.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- Bye, Elisabeth.- Adios.- Adios.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- Bye, Affan.- See you later!
0:27:44 > 0:27:46- Adios.- Adios.
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Eww!
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Oh, it's so horrible!
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Oh...
0:27:55 > 0:27:57I've been Dave Lamb.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58And I've been Rattus Rattus.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00And you've been watching...
0:28:00 > 0:28:01Poo Do You Think You Are?
0:28:01 > 0:28:03- ..Gory Games!- Poo!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- Goodbye!- Goodbye!
0:28:05 > 0:28:06# Games! #