0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians
0:00:04 > 0:00:05# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:05 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishments from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:22# Gory stories, you can see And your host... #
0:00:22 > 0:00:23Well, that's me!
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Boo! Ha-ha-ha!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36What's that? Oh, you could see my head.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37I'll try again.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Boo! Ha-ha-ha!
0:00:41 > 0:00:46Hello, and welcome to the Horrible Histories Scary Special,
0:00:46 > 0:00:47with me, Death. Ha-ha-ha!
0:00:47 > 0:00:52I've been asked to put together my top 12 favourite things
0:00:52 > 0:00:54from all of Horrible Histories.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Oh, shouldn't it be top 13? 13's a scarier number,
0:00:58 > 0:01:00What's that, Mother?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Yes, all right, yes, I'll get on with it. OK.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05At number 12, it's witches,
0:01:05 > 0:01:08and there were lots of them about in the Stuart era,
0:01:08 > 0:01:09if you believe this fella.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I love this sketch, it's a classic.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15'Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault?'
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Argh!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19'Trip or fall at work?'
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Argh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:25'Suffered a personal injury or sickness?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27'Then, you could have been cursed by a witch.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31'So get in touch with us, at Witchfinders Direct.'
0:01:31 > 0:01:34We'll find some innocent woman, say she's a witch,
0:01:34 > 0:01:37and have her burned to death.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Argh!
0:01:39 > 0:01:42'Farmer Pocket of Crawley lost all his cabbages
0:01:42 > 0:01:44'when they were eaten by slugs.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46'He lost literally several shillings.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49'So he called in Witchfinders.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53'And we decided the slugs had been sent by the strange old woman
0:01:53 > 0:01:55'who lived in the village.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58'Yes, her.'
0:01:58 > 0:01:59It wasn't me.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02'Yes, it was. She's old and warty, and looks a bit evil,
0:02:02 > 0:02:03'don't you think?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06'So we had her dragged away, and given a fair trial.'
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Do you have a cat?
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Yeah.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Then, thou art a witch.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16'She was put to death, and her cat sent to prison.'
0:02:16 > 0:02:20So if you have anything go wrong in your life, call Witchfinders Direct.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24We'll find some innocent old woman and blame her for it.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28'Witchfinders. Because old ladies deserve it.'
0:02:28 > 0:02:31In the 1600s, confessing to being a witch could result in burning.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Not confessing could result in being tortured
0:02:33 > 0:02:36until you said you were a witch. Then, in burning.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Not all witches were burned. Other punishments included
0:02:38 > 0:02:42forced fasting, exile, hanging, beheading, stoning and gouging.
0:02:42 > 0:02:47Did you know that Matthew Hopkins, the Stuart Witchfinder General,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49was responsible for 300 executions?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Ha-ha-ha!
0:02:51 > 0:02:53I know! Only 300!
0:02:53 > 0:02:57He barely makes it onto my Execution-o-meter.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Anyway, what's next on my list of scary things?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05At number 11, it's mothers! Ha-ha-ha!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I'm joking. I'm kidding, Mother, it's a joke!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12No, I've gone for aliens. Ha-ha-ha!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15This story cracks me up.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25Greetings, horror hounds. I am Vincenzo Laughoff.
0:03:25 > 0:03:30And this week's scary story is from the Middle Ages.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34It's called The Children Of Woolpit.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40It was 1173, an especially eerie yearie,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43when the small village of Woolpit, in the county of Suffolk,
0:03:43 > 0:03:47was invaded by creatures from another world.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48Oooh...
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Indeed.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52One day, two aliens appeared in the village.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56These aliens had taken the form of two children, a boy and a girl.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58But their skin was bright green
0:03:58 > 0:04:01and they spoke in a strange, alien language...
0:04:01 > 0:04:05HE SPEAKS IN AN ALIEN VOICE
0:04:05 > 0:04:07..or something.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Yes, the villagers of Woolpit were terrified.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13These green-skinned aliens demanded to be fed,
0:04:13 > 0:04:16but what they ate was truly chilling.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Something no real human child would eat without being forced.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Yes, vegetables!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Aaah!
0:04:23 > 0:04:26And then, quite without warning, the boy alien dropped down dead!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Aaah!
0:04:28 > 0:04:29And the girl alien?
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Well, that's the strangest part of all.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38She became a part-time domestic servant.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Ahem!
0:04:42 > 0:04:46It turned out that these children were not from Mars or Venus,
0:04:46 > 0:04:48they were from...
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Belgium.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54They were orphans, the children of Belgian cloth makers.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Their skin was green, because of the dye the parents used on the cloth.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00They'd been living in the woods so long
0:05:00 > 0:05:02the only food they recognised was vegetation.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05The boy died of malnutrition, the girl grew up, learned English,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07got married, and went to work for a local knight.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09This is not a scary story, is it?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11It's a sort of boring story, with a weird beginning.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14That isn't the same thing. I mean, why am I here?
0:05:14 > 0:05:15I grew a goatee for this.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17It's unbelievable!
0:05:17 > 0:05:21I'm going to my dressing room, and there had better be doughnuts.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Next up, at number ten, it's more witches.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26I can't get enough of them.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30In the Tudor era, they saw them everywhere.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32There we are, my darlings.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Daddy, can we get a cat?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37BOTH: Oh, please, can we? Can we, please, please?
0:05:37 > 0:05:41Now, come on kids, we've been through this before, haven't we?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45You know we can't have a cat, because a cat could be...a witch!
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Witches in disguise, they be!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51It's a well-known Tudor fact
0:05:51 > 0:05:55that witches often disguise themselves as cats.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56How about a dog, then?
0:05:56 > 0:06:00BOTH: Oh, please, a doggy, they're so cute and cuddly!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I know they are, but you know we can't have a dog,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05because a dog could be...a witch!
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Witches in disguise, they be!
0:06:09 > 0:06:13Well, then, can I at least keep this toad I found?
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Witch!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Witches in disguise, they be!
0:06:19 > 0:06:20FROG CROAKS
0:06:20 > 0:06:21SPLASH
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Oh!
0:06:23 > 0:06:24WASP FLIES IN
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Argh!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29This witch has turned itself into a wasp!
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Argh! Begone.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Evil witch, begone!
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Excellent, yes.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40All safe and sound now.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43EVIL CACKLING
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- Morning, dear.- Morning.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46BOTH: Morning, Mum.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Did you have a nice night's work?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Well, mustn't grumble, but I'm famished now,
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I could eat a small child.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57TOILET FLUSHES
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Oh, ha-ha!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I'd give it five minutes, if I were you.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Had a curry last night, feel like death warmed up.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Ha-ha-ha!
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Death warmed up, the curry warmed me up, I'm Death.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Anyone? Anyone? Oh, forget it.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Now, at number nine, it's Roman Emperors.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16But which one to choose?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18They're all so evil and twisted.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Caligula, Commodus? No, it's got to be...
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Nero!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I'm a huge fan of his work. I am, I really am.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Emperor Nero, fabulous party.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Thank you, thank you.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34I love what you've done with the place.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- I particularly like these huge candles.- Oh, yeah.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39I had them made specially.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Shaped like Christians.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41They ARE Christians.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43SCREAMING
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Sorry? What? Real Christians?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Yeah, actual Christians. Can we get another candle, please?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Candle on lawn six.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Emperor, erm, how can you do that?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Oh, it's very simple. You just get a Christian,
0:07:58 > 0:08:01tie him to a stake, dip him in tar, stick a wick on top of him,
0:08:01 > 0:08:02voila - Christian candle.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04SCREAMING
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- They're in excruciating pain! - I know! It's brilliant, isn't it?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10You get to light up your garden and torch Christians at the same time
0:08:10 > 0:08:13so, you know, two birds, one stone.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Isn't it a bit, dare I say it... sick?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18How so?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Well, I mean, torturing a fellow human being like that.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22If I didn't know any better,
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I'd say you feel a bit sorry for him.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26SCREAMING
0:08:26 > 0:08:28You're not Christian, are you?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Only that candle's just gone out.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32We need another Christian.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35You were saying?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Well, I love the party.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Particularly like those...
0:08:39 > 0:08:40SCREAMING
0:08:40 > 0:08:41..those great candles.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43HE LAUGHS
0:08:43 > 0:08:44- I agree.- Really good.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45SCREAMING
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Really good candles...
0:08:48 > 0:08:51You like the candles, you should see the fireworks later.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55So, anyway, yeah, this is my gaff, my pad, my crib.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59Well, yes, technically, it's your crib, Mother.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I still live with my mum... Which is lovely!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03No, it isn't, it's awful.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05As soon as I get enough money, I am out of here.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Anyway, on to my next selection.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11At number eight, it's deaths,
0:09:11 > 0:09:14and not just any old deaths but...
0:09:14 > 0:09:16# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:09:16 > 0:09:18# They're funny cos they're true Hoo-hoo! #
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Come on, Mother, sing along, this is what I'm famous for.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:09:23 > 0:09:25# Hope next time it's not you Hee-hee! #
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Here, from the Middle Ages, is one of my absolute favourites.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Next!
0:09:31 > 0:09:32And your name is?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Henry I, King of England.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36HE FARTS
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Oh, sorry.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Well, Henry, you seem to have a little problem.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Anything you'd like to divulge?
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Yes, I'll tell you my story, but I'm going to have to be quick.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Yes, please.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49I was visiting my grandchildren in Normandy
0:09:49 > 0:09:53and I had a lovely meal of my favourite dish - lamprey.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Lamprey?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Yes, it's a kind of eel, well nice.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Oh, yes, yes, they are nice. Carry on.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02I just loved them so much and I scoffed and I scoffed
0:10:02 > 0:10:04and I scoffed, um, um, um, um...
0:10:04 > 0:10:07And I had so many that I got a real pain in my gut.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Did the eels make you feel EEL? He-he-he!
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Do you get it? Eel, ill... I'm saying eel, ill, eel...
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Yes, I get it.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- Oh, it's just you didn't laugh, so I thought...- No.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19..you didn't hear it. No, OK, carry on.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Well, my doctor advised me to take a laxative.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25He said it would give me diarrhoea for a day,
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- but it would clear out my bowels. - Hm, charming(!)
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Yes, and clear out my bowels it certainly did.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35I just kept on pooing and pooing and pooing.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- Yes?- Until I died.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40HE LAUGHS
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Hey, you could say you were DYING to go to the toilet!
0:10:43 > 0:10:44HE LAUGHS
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- Can I go now?- I'll just confer with the judges.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Hm, er, yes, yes, oh...
0:10:50 > 0:10:53- Yeah, oh, I completely agree. - No, no, I really need to go now.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Well, Henry, congratulations,
0:10:55 > 0:10:57you're through to the afterlife.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Thank you. Gangway!
0:10:58 > 0:10:59HE FARTS
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Poo-ee, you sure one of those wasn't you, hm?
0:11:03 > 0:11:07You? Oh, how could you? Face of an angel.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:11:09 > 0:11:12# Hope next time it's not you Hoo-hoo! #
0:11:12 > 0:11:15At number seven, who better to scare you
0:11:15 > 0:11:19than the people who gave us the word "scare"? It's got to be...
0:11:19 > 0:11:21the Vikings.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26Viking warriors, tomorrow, as the sun rises,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28we set sail for England!
0:11:28 > 0:11:31CHEERING
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- We have our axes! ALL:- Yes!
0:11:33 > 0:11:35We have our daggers.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37We have our swords.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40But now, we have a new weapon at our disposal.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Make-up.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43HE CHUCKLES
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- What?- Do this, my brothers...
0:11:48 > 0:11:52..and you shall strike fear into our enemies' hearts.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- ALL:- Yes!
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Let's go and kill some monks!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- ALL:- Yeah!
0:12:00 > 0:12:06Sven, my old friend, excellent. You will chill the enemy to their bones.
0:12:06 > 0:12:11Bjorn, that's what I call really scary.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Erik...
0:12:16 > 0:12:18It's the nose, isn't it? A bit too much?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20No, it's really terrifying.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Let's get us some monastery!
0:12:23 > 0:12:26THEY SCREAM
0:12:27 > 0:12:32Has he gone? Oh, I can't stand clowns, really, I can't.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35They give me the creeps with their white gloves and white faces
0:12:35 > 0:12:37and weird hair. Ooh-oh.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Anyway, on with the funny stuff.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43What's next on my list of favourite things?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46At number six, it's horror.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Yes, there's nothing like a good horror movie to lift the spirits
0:12:50 > 0:12:52and have a good laugh. Ha-ha.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Er, she prefers romcoms.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Here's a horror from the Second World War, enjoy.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02'He had been evacuated from the city
0:13:02 > 0:13:04'to a foster home in the country.'
0:13:04 > 0:13:06This is your new home now, Charlie,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08until the Germans stop bombing London.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Don't worry, you'll be safe here.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- Can I go play, Mrs Jones? - Of course, Charlie.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Mind you don't come to any harm.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17'But here he was to face something
0:13:17 > 0:13:20'even more terrifying than German bombs.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24'It was like nothing he'd ever seen before in the city.'
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Moo!
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Ahhhh!
0:13:26 > 0:13:28'It came from the meadow.'
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Moo!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Ahhhh!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34It had horns to butt with
0:13:34 > 0:13:36and it made a terrifying noise!
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Moo!
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Ahhhh!
0:13:38 > 0:13:43It had six sides and it had a tail on which hangs a brush!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Don't be silly, Charlie, it's just a cow.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Aaaah!
0:13:48 > 0:13:50'Everything was new, everything was scary.'
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Baa!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54HE SHRIEKS
0:13:54 > 0:13:57'The farm. Just when you thought it was safer in the country.'
0:13:57 > 0:13:59It is.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Next up, at number five,
0:14:03 > 0:14:06it's the Aztecs.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Did you know that Aztec priests used to sacrifice
0:14:08 > 0:14:13about 50,000 victims a year in lots of gruesome ways?
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Ha-ha! What's not to like? Take it away, boys.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:25 > 0:14:27# We're Aztec priests So mind your head
0:14:27 > 0:14:29# Our prisoners always wind up dead
0:14:29 > 0:14:33# Our favourite colour is blood red We're not nice
0:14:33 > 0:14:35# At an Aztec temple's opening day
0:14:35 > 0:14:38# We priests would please Our gods this way
0:14:38 > 0:14:41# Hoards of enemies we'd slay Mass sacrifice
0:14:41 > 0:14:44# To win at war Make crops grow more
0:14:44 > 0:14:46# To cure our kids when ill
0:14:46 > 0:14:48# The sun to shine This song to rhyme
0:14:48 > 0:14:50# More victims we must kill
0:14:50 > 0:14:52ALL: # Hah, hah, hah, hah
0:14:52 > 0:14:55# You won't survive You won't survive
0:14:55 > 0:14:57ALL: # Hah, hah, hah, hah
0:14:57 > 0:15:01# Ain't staying alive Ain't staying alive, yeah!
0:15:01 > 0:15:03# With sacrifice, we priests appease
0:15:03 > 0:15:06# Our gods each powerful big cheese
0:15:06 > 0:15:10# Let's hear it for your favourites Please, ah-ah-ah-ah!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12BOTH: # We're doing it for Toci!
0:15:12 > 0:15:14# The Aztec goddess At the earth's heart
0:15:14 > 0:15:16BOTH: # We're doing it for Chantico!
0:15:16 > 0:15:18# Goddess who makes volcanoes start
0:15:18 > 0:15:20BOTH: # We're doing it for Itzli!
0:15:20 > 0:15:22# The goddess of stone knives
0:15:22 > 0:15:28BOTH: # We're doing it for Itzpapalotlometeotlchiconahuiehecatl
0:15:28 > 0:15:31# Uh... Some other god's Great lives!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33ALL: # Hah, hah, hah, hah
0:15:33 > 0:15:35# Don't cross us Aztecs We advise ya
0:15:35 > 0:15:37ALL: # Hah, hah, hah, hah
0:15:37 > 0:15:41# Or you'll end up as fertiliser Yeah!
0:15:41 > 0:15:45# Our year starts in November When every priestly member
0:15:45 > 0:15:50# Is asked if they'll remember Our Aztec dead
0:15:50 > 0:15:54# We do this if you haven't guessed By getting something off your chest
0:15:54 > 0:15:58# Your heart would probably be best Or else your head
0:15:58 > 0:16:02# And then, on our year planners It's the raising of the banners
0:16:02 > 0:16:07# And it's only polite manners To kill more guys
0:16:07 > 0:16:11# December and January Dismembering methods vary
0:16:11 > 0:16:15# All you need to know is that we pile them high
0:16:15 > 0:16:20# May and June, it's summertime The killing is easy
0:16:20 > 0:16:22# It's only halfway Through the year
0:16:22 > 0:16:24# I bet you're feeling queasy
0:16:24 > 0:16:28# In autumn time, we sweep our homes And kill some more, but then
0:16:28 > 0:16:33# By late October, the killing's over Then, it starts up again
0:16:33 > 0:16:35BOTH: # Hah, hah, hah, hah
0:16:35 > 0:16:37# You won't survive You won't survive
0:16:37 > 0:16:39BOTH: # Hah, hah, hah, hah
0:16:39 > 0:16:41# Ain't staying alive Ain't staying alive
0:16:41 > 0:16:43BOTH: # Hah, hah, hah, hah
0:16:43 > 0:16:45# Want to live until you're old?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47BOTH: # Hah, hah, hah, hah. #
0:16:47 > 0:16:52Avoid us priests, you've been told.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55You're watching my scary special.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56DOORBELL RINGS
0:16:56 > 0:17:01Oh, sorry, doorbell scared me.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Ahhh!
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Thought I saw a ghost, then.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Just a sec.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Yes?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Delivery for Mr De'Ath. Sign here, mate.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Oh, OK. Um, I wonder what it is!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16It's a scythe, mate.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Oh, thanks a lot, ruin the surprise, why don't you?
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Honestly, there's no magic any more, is there? No mystique. Hm!
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Our Roman Emperor, Caligula,
0:17:31 > 0:17:33could be a really nasty piece of work,
0:17:33 > 0:17:35even to his loyal followers.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37But don't tell him I told you so.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Oh, mighty Caligula!
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Are my eyes deceiving me?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Have you recovered from your dreadful illness?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Oh, thank the gods!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Don't touch the toga.- Oh, sorry.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Indeed I am better,
0:17:51 > 0:17:54and I am told that when my doctors didn't know what to do with me
0:17:54 > 0:17:57it was you who came to my rescue.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- Oh, it was nothing.- Nothing at all.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00You begged to the gods to make me better.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Well, now you come to mention it....
0:18:02 > 0:18:05I don't want to make a big thing of this at all,
0:18:05 > 0:18:06but it was actually my idea.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- All right.- Well, it was.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Why do you have to do that?
0:18:09 > 0:18:13Well, I came to say thank you,
0:18:13 > 0:18:14so, uh, thank you.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- Was that it? No gold?- No land?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Not even a bit of small change for me?
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- After all, it was my idea. - Why do you keep saying it?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Well, I don't know what you do with it where you're going.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Am I missing something here?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Well, I understand - and forgive me if I'm wrong here -
0:18:28 > 0:18:31but when you prayed to the gods for my speedy recovery
0:18:31 > 0:18:33you did, at one point,
0:18:33 > 0:18:37offer the gods your lives in return for mine.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Yes...technically.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41And my good health has recovered.
0:18:41 > 0:18:47So now it's your turn to keep your side of the bargain.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Please! Have mercy!
0:18:49 > 0:18:52"I've got a great idea," she says. "It'll all be all right," she says.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54All right! I'll give you me death!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56What a lovely couple!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Don't you think so, Mr Finger?
0:18:58 > 0:18:59No, they stink!
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Ooh, you're right, they did.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Someone burn this toga.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05A peasant has touched it!
0:19:05 > 0:19:09Next, at number three, it's pirates.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I mean, what's scarier than a pirate?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13A pirate doctor, that's what.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Oh, you poor thing, that looks nasty,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- I'll just see if there's a doctor around.- Argh, morning, nurse!
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Morning, and you are?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37One-Eyed Ned, pirate extraordinaire.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40I've got my chest here full of the finest pirate medicines.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Argh, sea water. Hemlock.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46That's poisonous, isn't it?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Only if I don't read the instructions,
0:19:48 > 0:19:49which I probably won't,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52cos they're all in Latin and I can't read anyway. Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Right, let's have a look at you, me young swabby.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Argh, touch of scurvy, eh? Argh, well, there's not much
0:19:58 > 0:20:00a bit of blood-letting won't cure.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Removes other toxins, so it does.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I haven't got scurvy, I've just got a cut on my leg.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Argh! Why didn't you say so?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Oh, we'll have it off in no time.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Off?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Yeah, you don't want a rotten leg aboard a ship, do you?
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- But it's only a little cut. - Well, better safe than sorry.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Trust me, I'm a carpenter.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21A carpenter? I thought you said you were a doctor?
0:20:21 > 0:20:22We had a doctor!
0:20:22 > 0:20:26But he died, he mostly just sawed off limbs anyway. Ha!
0:20:26 > 0:20:30And I'm the ship's carpenter, so I know me ways about a saw.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Say "Argh."
0:20:33 > 0:20:34- Argh.- Argh!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36- Argh.- Argh!
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Oh, you're a chatty one, ain't ya?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Isn't there anything you can give him to ease the pain, any anaesthetic?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Oh, I've never heard of 'em. - Oh, rum, maybe?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Don't mind if I do.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49HE MOANS
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Not so fast, laddie!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Better see if he survives first.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- No good wasting good rum on the dead.- Yeah.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Nurse, the leg.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03Almost finished, all we got to do now is seal the wound.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- With stitches and a clean dressing? - No!
0:21:06 > 0:21:08With a load of hot tar. Argh.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10HE SCREAMS IN PAIN
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Oh, good thinking, nurse!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Argh, hah, hah, argh.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Here's your new leg.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26And next, at number two, it's executions.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30Uh-huh! I love a good execution, and so did the Georgians.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Hello and welcome to the News At When.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41When? 1724, when a third of London's population
0:21:41 > 0:21:45turned out to see Britain's most famous criminal.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49To find out more, let's go over live to Jessica Harvey-Smyth,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51who's soaking up the atmosphere.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52As you can see,
0:21:52 > 0:21:56thousands of people have turned up just to catch a glimpse
0:21:56 > 0:21:57of their hero, Jack Sheppard,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Perhaps one of London's most glamorous criminals.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04He's escaped from prison not once, not twice but four times,
0:22:04 > 0:22:06and these people clearly love him for it.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Jack Shepherd is well lush.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Yeah, he's like such a rebel and he's so daring.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12So how long have you been a fan?
0:22:12 > 0:22:13Er, like since his first escape.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16He was being held in St Giles' Roundhouse,
0:22:16 > 0:22:17he broke out through the roof.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Yeah, he lowered himself to the ground using bed sheets
0:22:19 > 0:22:21tied together, it was well wicked.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23And I really liked it when he escaped from Newgate Prison
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- dressed in ladies' clothes. - Yeah, that was so awesome.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27There he is, there he is!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Let's try to get an interview with him.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!
0:22:31 > 0:22:34HHTV News, um, can we have a few words?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Of course you can, nice to meet you.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40Oh, well, um, 300,000 Georgians have turned up
0:22:40 > 0:22:42just to catch a glimpse of you, Jack,
0:22:42 > 0:22:46that's one quarter of London's population, um, are you nervous?
0:22:46 > 0:22:49A few butterflies, it's not every day you're executed.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Well, when you say executed, I'm sure you're planning to make
0:22:52 > 0:22:55one of your trademark daring escapes?
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Ooh, you know me so well.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59I do have a trick up my sleeve, actually,
0:22:59 > 0:23:00it's a penknife.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- Brilliant.- And I'm going to use it...
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I'll have that. This way, sonny.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06I'll think of something!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Jack Sheppard there.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Can't wait to see how he's going to get out of this one.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13And the crowd are going to go absolutely wild,
0:23:13 > 0:23:15and Jack is getting up on the scaffold now
0:23:15 > 0:23:18and he's putting his head in the noose.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21I'm sure he's about to make his move any time now.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24And the hangman is about to open the trap door.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26He should be escaping any second.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28THUMPING, CROWD GASPS
0:23:30 > 0:23:35Still, always nice to see a good public execution.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Great day out for all the family.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41So, who's at number one?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44The tension is killing me! Not really, I'm already dead.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Ha! Keep up, keep up. Drum roll, please, Mother.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Whatever.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53So...at number one,
0:23:53 > 0:23:56it's ME, of course! Ha-ha!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I couldn't decide between all the awful things that were left,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02so I decided to include all of them in a song.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03My singing's awful, too.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07GENTLE PIANO MUSIC
0:24:08 > 0:24:12# Fairy cakes, baby ducks Warm winter mittens
0:24:12 > 0:24:16# Snowflakes on puppies And cute cuddly kittens
0:24:16 > 0:24:20# One of these might be Your favourite thing
0:24:20 > 0:24:25# But not me - it's scary That makes me go zing! #
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Hee, hee, hee!
0:24:27 > 0:24:30# Smallpox and scurvy And fatal diseases
0:24:30 > 0:24:34# Lesions and lurgy I like to hear wheezes
0:24:34 > 0:24:37# Of bogies and poo I just can't get enough
0:24:37 > 0:24:41# Yes, that's just a bit Of my favourite stuff
0:24:42 > 0:24:46# Scary, hairy
0:24:46 > 0:24:50# Things that go bump in the night
0:24:50 > 0:24:53# Slimy, grimy
0:24:53 > 0:24:56# I love all that stuff That gives you a fright... #
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Boo!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00# Emperor Vitellius Being dumped in Rome's sewers
0:25:00 > 0:25:04# Brandings with irons For Tudor wrongdoers
0:25:04 > 0:25:07# Burke and Hare stealing From Edinburgh's graves
0:25:07 > 0:25:12# Yes, these are a few Of my personal faves
0:25:12 > 0:25:15# Creepy, weepy
0:25:15 > 0:25:19# Do I prefer pustules or boils? Hm...
0:25:19 > 0:25:23# Spooky, kooky
0:25:23 > 0:25:26# Some of my best friends Look like gargoyles
0:25:38 > 0:25:41# William the Conqueror's Exploding body
0:25:41 > 0:25:45# A gutsy performance A funeral most oddy
0:25:45 > 0:25:48# Ivan the Terrible Stealing a bishop's togs
0:25:48 > 0:25:52# Sewed him in bear skins And let out the dogs... #
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Woof, woof!
0:25:53 > 0:25:57# When I'm feeling Just a bit miz
0:25:57 > 0:26:00# Standing at death's door
0:26:00 > 0:26:03# I simply remember What makes people barf
0:26:03 > 0:26:05# And then I just laugh
0:26:05 > 0:26:12# Loads more!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15# Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Hee-hee-hee-hee! #
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Well, that's all we've got time for.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21So it's bye-bye from me,
0:26:21 > 0:26:23and bye-bye from Mother.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Bye-bye!
0:26:25 > 0:26:28# ..Atrocious acts, we gave you all The fearsome facts... #
0:26:28 > 0:26:30If you enjoyed that,
0:26:30 > 0:26:32why not come and play?
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories. See you there!
0:26:36 > 0:26:40# The past is no longer a mystery Hope you enjoyed...
0:26:40 > 0:26:44# Horrible Histories. #
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd