0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and truthless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Welcome to Horrible Histories Horrible Christmas.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41This show is going to be a real cracker!
0:00:41 > 0:00:44By which I don't mean it's full of bad jokes.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Right, I'm off for a mince pie whilst you lot watch this.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Ho ho ho!
0:00:54 > 0:00:58One of my favourite things about Christmas is watching telly.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00But you won't believe what passed for
0:01:00 > 0:01:03good Christmas entertainment in the Middle Ages.
0:01:03 > 0:01:08# Finally found my place in paradise... #
0:01:08 > 0:01:11- Next!- What? Why?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Let me try another song.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15How about some Taketh That, or the Jonas Brethren?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Oh, no. Next!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Are you sure he's not good enough, sir?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21You have seen every jester in the country.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25No! I'm looking for something extra special here.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29I want some top notch, quality entertainment, Chamberlain.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31There is one more name on the list.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Next!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I'm bored already.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40HE FARTS
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Roland the Farter at your service.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44HE FARTS
0:01:49 > 0:01:53That is brilliant! Chamberlain, book Roland here for the Christmas party.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57In fact, I want you to do this jump-fart thing
0:01:57 > 0:01:59at every Christmas party from now on!
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Shower this man with rewards!
0:02:02 > 0:02:04HE FARTS
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Yes! Bravo! Yes!
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Give this man a manor house, that one in Suffolk.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Oh, and 20... No, 30 acres of land!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Nothing is too much for such a talent.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Talent? You can't be serious.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19He's not a proper entertainer.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22If was farting you wanted, you only had to say!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I mean, how hard can it be?
0:02:25 > 0:02:26HE FARTS
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Oh...
0:02:28 > 0:02:29I think I tried too hard.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Get cleaned up, be on your way.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35I will not speak a word of this.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Thank you.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39HE FARTS
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Open a window!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Oh, yes, they certainly had a different way of
0:02:45 > 0:02:48celebrating Christmas in the Middle Ages.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51On Twelfth Night, peasants didn't have the silent night
0:02:51 > 0:02:52that you hear about in the carol.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Instead, they went out wassailing.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Greeting, ghoulish fans of the dark.
0:04:05 > 0:04:12I am Vincenzo Larfoff, and this week's scary story is...
0:04:15 > 0:04:17It's a poem?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19How's that supposed to be scary?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Oh, yes, all right. I suppose it is Christmas.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I'll read it.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Twas the night before Childermass, and all through the land
0:04:28 > 0:04:30The children were whipped at Mum and Dad's hand
0:04:30 > 0:04:3328th of December, that was the time
0:04:33 > 0:04:34But why were they beaten?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Let's find out in rhyme
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Childermass was a medieval convention
0:04:38 > 0:04:41It actually happened, it isn't invention
0:04:41 > 0:04:43The story I tell you is horribly true
0:04:43 > 0:04:45It isn't made up, I do promise you
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Back in the time of the dark Middle Ages
0:04:48 > 0:04:51They would celebrate Christmas horribly strangely
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Instead of trees and presents and riding on sleds
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Children would hide out under their beds
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Back then, as part of an ancient tradition
0:04:59 > 0:05:01They were to be beaten into submission
0:05:01 > 0:05:04But why were they treated in this terrible way?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Well, because of what happened in King Herod's day
0:05:07 > 0:05:09King Herod ruled in Biblical times
0:05:09 > 0:05:13He killed all the babies - a terrible crime
0:05:13 > 0:05:16And to remind children of what came to pass
0:05:16 > 0:05:18The adults invented Childermass
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Yes, the children were whipped, and that may sound cruel
0:05:21 > 0:05:24But it was just to remind them of King Herod's rule
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Today we have Santa, and presents and trees
0:05:27 > 0:05:30A much better Christmas, I think you'll agree
0:05:30 > 0:05:33So be thankful, be happy, and make sure you sleep tight
0:05:33 > 0:05:38Merry Childermass to all, and to all a good night!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Actually, that was pretty scary.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Can someone turn the lights up?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46No, really, please. Thanks.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Hello, and welcome to the News At When.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58When? Christmas Day 1066, which was a double celebration,
0:05:58 > 0:06:02because it was also the day William the Conqueror was crowned King.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Let's go over to our royal correspondent,
0:06:04 > 0:06:07who's outside the original Westminster Abbey.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10We're about to witness the coronation of
0:06:10 > 0:06:14England's first-ever Norman King, William the Conqueror.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16So, as one of the new King's guards,
0:06:16 > 0:06:20what is the mood amongst the Norman soldiers?
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Well, it is quite tense, because nobody knows
0:06:23 > 0:06:26how the crowd will react to William the Conqueror.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Why's that?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Well, because he came to power here by killing lots of English people.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34The clue is in the name - Conqueror.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I knew that. I knew that. Ah! And there he is!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Let's see if we can grab a few words.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Your soon-to-be Majesty, erm,
0:06:43 > 0:06:47how are you feeling on this most historic day?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:06:53 > 0:06:57For those of you who are not fluent in French,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00he just said... something in French.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Ah! And here's the Archbishop of York.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08By the power vested in me,
0:07:08 > 0:07:14I hereby crown you, William of Normandy, King of England.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Pardon?
0:07:19 > 0:07:20You, King!
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Ah, oui, la monarchie! Tres bien!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Vive le Roi!
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Pardon - long live the King!
0:07:29 > 0:07:30THEY CHEER
0:07:30 > 0:07:34A fantastic reception there. The King has got to be pleased with that.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35No?
0:07:40 > 0:07:45Oh, it seems that the new King's guards have mistaken the cheering for
0:07:45 > 0:07:47the start of a riot, which they are now
0:07:47 > 0:07:52trying to crush, using William's favourite method - extreme violence.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Sur les yeux! Sur les yeux!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56And not content with killing and chasing the locals,
0:07:56 > 0:08:00they're also now burning some buildings.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Well, what a day it's been here in London.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07We've said hello to a new King and goodbye to
0:08:07 > 0:08:11hundreds of innocent people and most of Westminster Abbey.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15So, it's goodbye from me, and more importantly, merry Christmas.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Ho ho ho! Now, you wouldn't fancy finding
0:08:23 > 0:08:25these Saxon presents in your stocking.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Happy Christmas, everyone.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30- BOTH:- Happy Christmas!
0:08:30 > 0:08:34- Christopher, merry Christmas! - Oh, thank you!
0:08:34 > 0:08:38"To Christopher, from Mildred and the guys!" Thanks, guys.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Is it...? Hey!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Ah, horse poo, excellent!
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Now I can mix this up with some clay and mould some new dinner plates.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47I need some new ones.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Thank you so much. Thank you.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52And here's a little gift for you, Mildred.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Oh, thank you. You shouldn't have!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Oh!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Oh, it's pig poo!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03That's excellent. Thank you so much, John.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05I've been meaning to re-plaster our walls -
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- this stuff's the best thing for it.- Jed.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Ah, thanks. Look at that!
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Chicken poo!
0:09:18 > 0:09:21This is perfect for making leather clothes.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I'm going to let it go really stinky,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26then put my cow skins in there and clean them before tanning.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31John. I wouldn't leave you out!
0:09:31 > 0:09:33What's this?!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- Oh! Oh!- It's perfume.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- It makes you smell nice.- It stinks!
0:09:43 > 0:09:44That's right. In Saxon times,
0:09:44 > 0:09:48lords often gave animal poo to their peasants at Christmas.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Dread to think what you got if you'd been bad!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53That may be true, but the carol you know
0:09:53 > 0:09:56about King Wenceslas is not quite so accurate.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03For me, there's only one thing
0:11:03 > 0:11:07that really makes Christmas feel like Christmas.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Persecuting Catholics!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Ha ha ha!
0:11:11 > 0:11:12But when I'm tired of that,
0:11:12 > 0:11:16I like nothing more than tucking into one of these.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25Mr Tudor's Mince Pies are made from a traditional recipe of fruits, nuts,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28spices and mincemeat -
0:11:28 > 0:11:30specifically, the mincemeat of chicken,
0:11:30 > 0:11:34hare, rabbit, pheasant,
0:11:34 > 0:11:39ox's tongue, liver - pretty much anything you can think of.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40- What about turkey?- Turkey?!
0:11:40 > 0:11:42At Christmas?! Absolutely ridiculous!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I get through more of them than I do wives!
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Of course I do - I only had six wives!
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I've had about 150 of these today!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56STOMACH GURGLES
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Ooh, bit of heartburn!
0:11:57 > 0:12:01That Henry VIII needs to watch his waistline. He's waisting away!
0:12:01 > 0:12:04And his beard's not up to much, either.
0:12:04 > 0:12:09Those Tudors - they really did eat a lot of meat at Christmas.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Welcome to a Christmas edition of Historical MasterChef.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18We're looking for a really good plate of food...
0:12:18 > 0:12:20..on a plate.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22What?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I've got a sweet tooth!
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Ed is a trainee chef at Hampton Court, where,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32with 200 colleagues, he prepares meals for Henry VIII.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34What are you going to cook for us today?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I thought a traditional Christmas feast.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- That's an awful lot of meat. - Yes, I'm going to add some spices
0:12:41 > 0:12:45and some oatmeal and then stuff all the meat into a pig's gut
0:12:45 > 0:12:46to make a Christmas pud-pud.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- Pudding?- Did someone say pudding?!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51But his pudding is made of meat.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Phwoar! Now you're talking!
0:12:57 > 0:13:01OK, cooks, you have ten minutes remaining.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Whoa, naked man in the kitchen!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Whoa! What are you doing?!
0:13:05 > 0:13:08When the kitchens get hot at Hampton Court,
0:13:08 > 0:13:09we always strip off. No biggie.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Mate, sorry, you can't do that.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13You really can't do that.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17I'm just having a quick leak. We do it all the time at Hampton Court.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Saves time and cools the place down.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22The only leak that should be in a kitchen...
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- ..is one like this.- That's a swede.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I know. I used to be a greengrocer.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29With time running out,
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Tudor chef Ed is starting to feel the pressure.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Ed, Ed, Ed. Slow down.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39You've just sewn a pig's snout onto a chicken's backside.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41No, no. I meant to do that.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Another Tudor speciality.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47It's called a cockatrice. Usually you'd sew half the pig
0:13:47 > 0:13:48onto a half a cockerel,
0:13:48 > 0:13:50but I'm pushed for space,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52so I've sewn a pig's snout onto a chicken's backside.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Cockatrice? Looks more like a Franken-swine to me! Ha ha ha!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Mate, how much sugar have you had?
0:14:00 > 0:14:01A lot.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04To complement his impressive cockatrice,
0:14:04 > 0:14:09Ed has served up another seasonal Tudor delicacy - humble pie.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Oh, that is awful!
0:14:10 > 0:14:13It's actually pronounced "offal".
0:14:13 > 0:14:17It's the guts of a deer, and the spleen and the lungs and the liver.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19HE RETCHES
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Ed, your cockatrice is an affront to nature.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Your humble pie made Gregg vomit.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Your Christmas pudding is little more than a pig's gut
0:14:32 > 0:14:34stuffed with meat.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37However, because it has the word "pudding" in it,
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Gregg has insisted that we crown you champion.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Congratulations, mate.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Well, I have got a sweet tooth! Cor!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55The answer is...false.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00Sugar buildings, ships and even sugar joints of meat were a way of
0:15:00 > 0:15:03impressing guests, because it was such an expensive ingredient.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Queen Elizabeth was particularly fond of eating sugar sculptures,
0:15:07 > 0:15:09and she wasn't easy to please.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Happy Christmas, Your Majesty.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17A ring. Why, thank you, Cecil. Have this put with all the other presents
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I don't like and never use.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Yes, Your Majesty. - Lord Robert Dudley.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Lord Dudley.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28May your yuletide merriment know no bounds, Your Majesty.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Oh, a present!
0:15:31 > 0:15:36- Whatever could it be?!- What does one get the Queen who has everything?
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Why, something that nobody has.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44How did this tiny clock get stuck in this bangle?
0:15:44 > 0:15:48'Tis a wrist clock, Your Majesty - the first of its kind.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51With your permission...
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Now, when there is no clock around,
0:15:58 > 0:16:02you can tell the time with a simple look to your wrist.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07Oh! Why, this is far and away my favourite present ever!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Isn't it marvellous, Cecil?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Yes, Your Majesty.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Let us drink to this new invention.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18To the wrist clock!
0:16:18 > 0:16:21The wrist clock!
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Oh, dear me - there seems to be no clock here in the throne room,
0:16:24 > 0:16:26and I need to know the time.
0:16:26 > 0:16:32Oh, would you happen to know what time it is, Your Majesty?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Oh! Why, it is...
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Oh dear, Lord Dudley.
0:16:40 > 0:16:46There appears to be a serious design flaw with your wrist clock!
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Indeed, Your Majesty.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Ho ho ho!
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Not everyone was as jolly as me at Christmas.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06In Stuart, times they did away with kings and queens,
0:17:06 > 0:17:10and the country was run by the miserable Puritan Oliver Cromwell -
0:17:10 > 0:17:14and it wouldn't be much fun going round to his on Christmas Day!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18# On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me... #
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Cousin Olly! Merry Christmas, old bean!
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Oh, relatives.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25How did you get past the guards?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28We thought we'd pop by to wish you a very merry Christmas.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31I'm a Puritan, I don't celebrate Christmas. I have had it banned.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36Well, you won't say no to a spot of Christmas dinner, will you?!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- We brought you a goose!- Guards!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- What are you doing?- Christmas dinner is banned. It's sinful.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45I've ordered the army to confiscate all roast geese. Guards!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Whoa, whoa, we'll lose the goose.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50We'll loose the goose. It's fine.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Why don't we go to the pub or something?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56- Guards!- What now? - Pubs are banned - they are sinful.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Fine - why don't we go to the theatre?
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- Guards!- Let me guess - banned? - Yes. It's sinful.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04All right, why don't we all go and have
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- a festive kickabout in the park?- Guards!
0:18:07 > 0:18:09- Oh, you can't ban sport...- Sinful!
0:18:09 > 0:18:13You have to understand these frivolous events distract
0:18:13 > 0:18:16us Puritans from our devotion to Christ.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18We have to do something - Lucy's all made up.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21With make-up?
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Yes.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- Guards!- Oh, come on!
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- Make-up is sinful. Especially that eye shadow with that top.- What?!
0:18:29 > 0:18:31- Nothing.- Wait a minute. I've got it.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Why don't we all go to church?
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- I mean, church isn't sinful, is it? - No, of course not.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Well then, let's all go to church.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Guard! Seize them!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43It's against the law to go to church on Christmas Day.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Take these sinners to prison!
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- But...- What?!- Wait!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Yes?
0:18:51 > 0:18:52Happy Christmas.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- Oh!- Now lock them up and throw away the key!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Yes, life wasn't much fun under Cromwell.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01So people wanted their monarchy back,
0:19:01 > 0:19:04and everything was much jollier under Charles II.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07But what with the plague and the Great Fire of London,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09it wasn't all plain sailing.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Hello, lovely people of Britain.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Happy Chrimbo. Now, I know when I did my speech this time last year,
0:19:45 > 0:19:49everyone was on a bit of a downer about the whole plague thingy.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54Dead bodies everywhere, no more parties. Dreadful business.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59Well, this year, the good news is, there's no more plague! Huzzah!
0:19:59 > 0:20:02The bad news is, there's no more London.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Blasted great big fire just about burned the whole city down.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08At least this year you won't have to worry
0:20:08 > 0:20:11if the Christmas goose is properly cooked.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12Mmm! Nom nom nom!
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Marvellous.
0:20:13 > 0:20:19Well, let's hope that 1667 is an altogether better year for everyone.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Touch wood! Oh, that's still hot!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Happy Christmas, all. Party on!
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Are you sure the fire's completely out?
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Victorian prisons were cruel and brutal places.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Although things were a bit different at Christmas.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Get on with it, you criminal scum!
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Pick it up, you horrible little worm!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52First of all, you will move these cannonballs
0:20:52 > 0:20:55from there to here for no reason whatsoever!
0:20:55 > 0:21:00Then, you will turn that heavy crank around and around, because I say so!
0:21:00 > 0:21:02BELL CHIMES
0:21:03 > 0:21:08# We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas
0:21:08 > 0:21:12# We wish you a merry Christmas, number 3102. #
0:21:12 > 0:21:14What's going on?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17It's Christmas lunch. Time to stop the merciless punishment,
0:21:17 > 0:21:21the beatings and pointless ritual humiliations,
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- and be nice to you for the rest of the day.- There's a catch.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28No catch. Come on. You don't want your Christmas dinner getting cold.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Is this what you do every year?
0:21:30 > 0:21:33One minute you're beating prisoners senseless
0:21:33 > 0:21:36and the next you're serving them a slap-up feast?
0:21:36 > 0:21:38The magic of Christmas in a Victorian prison.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42In fact, me and the lads, we had a little whip round.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I know you did, I've got the scars.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47No, I mean we all clubbed together.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Yeah, on my head.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Do you want this present?
0:21:51 > 0:21:56- It's a watch.- Aye, I know it is a bit over the top.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58We're only supposed to give you lunch.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02But I think can I speak for all the lads when I say, well,
0:22:02 > 0:22:04you are our favourite prisoner.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Wow!
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- I'm touched.- No!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11- Happy Christmas.- Hang on a minute.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14That says two minutes to one.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18- That prison clock's running fast again.- That doesn't matter, does it?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Well, of course it matters. It's not lunchtime yet.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Now, get cranking that wheel, you wretched lowlife!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Ow!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Oh well, I guess it's better than eating sprouts.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Oh, that hurt!
0:22:36 > 0:22:38There's only one sensible thing to do with sprouts.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Hang them on your Christmas tree. Nice.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Christmas trees haven't always been around.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46In fact, here's where they're from.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52It wasn't just Christmas trees
0:23:52 > 0:23:55that first became popular in Victorian times.
0:23:55 > 0:23:591843 saw the first-ever commercial Christmas card.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03Though Victorian cards were a little strange.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10At Victorian Weird Cards, you can send a weird Victorian card
0:24:10 > 0:24:13directly to your loved ones this Christmas.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Choose from all the latest Victorian Christmas card designs.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Clown attacking a policeman with a red-hot poker!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Child being stung by a giant wasp!
0:24:23 > 0:24:28And my personal favourite - children at their parents' funeral!
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Or if you're looking for something a little less traditional,
0:24:35 > 0:24:37why not try our gift-card range?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Including, slice-of-bacon card!
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Yes, that's actual bacon. Extracted-tooth card!
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Yes, that's a real human tooth.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Or, dead-mouse card!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Well, you get the picture.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55And order now, and we'll send your card by new penny post
0:24:55 > 0:24:56for just a penny.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Penny post for just a penny - wow!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02And all of our weird cards can be personalised
0:25:02 > 0:25:05with your own message at no extra cost.
0:25:05 > 0:25:10"Dearest Auntie, sorry the card is so weird,
0:25:10 > 0:25:15"but they're the only ones you can get.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20"Hope you like the bacon."
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Victorian Weird Cards.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Get them while they're still weird.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Have we finished?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Can I eat that?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Now, I bet you think nothing Christmassy ever happened
0:25:37 > 0:25:39in the trenches of World War I.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Well, you would be wrong, because on Christmas Day 1914,
0:25:43 > 0:25:46the British and German troops who were fighting each other
0:25:46 > 0:25:50held an informal truce, climbed out of their freezing trenches
0:25:50 > 0:25:52and played a game of football.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Amazing. Imagine that.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57I'm imagining it now!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Well, you join us here in the final stages of
0:26:02 > 0:26:05this most unusual England versus Germany friendly.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09It looks like Britain are mounting another attack, Steve.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Usually it would be with guns and bayonets, but not today.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Jenkins has got through. A magnificent ball.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17There's nothing between him and the goal,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20except a couple of unexploded bombs and some barbed wire.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Shoot! Shoot!
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Poor choice of words.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Good point. Kick, kick.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31And Britain have scored. That levels the match at 2-2.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34I have to say, the pitch is in a shocking condition.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Absolutely, Steve.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39It's not a pitch - it's a battlefield.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41The players are playing upon no-man's land -
0:26:41 > 0:26:44which is the area of ground between the two enemy trenches.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47And it looks like one of British subs is
0:26:47 > 0:26:49warming up on touchline there.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52He's actually got lice from living in the trenches.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55And Germany back in possession.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58This would be the winning goal here.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Over here, Herman. On my head, on my head.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Oh! Sorry, guys.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I probably should have taken my helmet off.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11WHISTLE BLOWS
0:27:11 > 0:27:14They think it's all over. It is now.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Not the war, but the football game.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Great game, mate.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Ja, ja, you want to change the shirts?
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Oh, might not be such a good idea under the circumstances.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Ja! You funny guy!
0:27:26 > 0:27:29You're all right, mate. Happy Christmas.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32You OK too, chum. Happy Christmas.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Touching scenes there.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37It's hard to know how these troops are going to go back to
0:27:37 > 0:27:39trying to kill each other tomorrow.
0:27:39 > 0:27:46- Maybe they won't, Steve. Maybe they won't.- Merry Christmas.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Want to travel through the time sewers with me?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd