0:00:01 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians
0:00:03 > 0:00:04# Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians,
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Woeful Wars, Ferocious Fights, Dingy Castles, Daring Knights
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians,
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, Cruel Crimes all these from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:16# Groovy Greeks, Brainy Sages,
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# The Measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:27# Welcome to....
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Horrible Histories! #
0:00:37 > 0:00:39When people died in Roman times,
0:00:39 > 0:00:46we had some really funny ideas about how to give them a good sendoff.
0:00:46 > 0:00:51And above all Messiunas was a wise and a noble man
0:00:51 > 0:00:57who only ever beat his slaves when it was absolutely necessary.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01He will be sorely missed by us all.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03But now...for the fight!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05CHEERING
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Yea! Fight! Fight! Fight!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Go on...fight, fight!
0:01:10 > 0:01:11- What on earth's going on?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13- Oh, it's a fight!- But why?
0:01:13 > 0:01:18Oh, it's the latest Roman thing. You get your two favourite slaves
0:01:18 > 0:01:21to fight to the death in front of your graveside.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- Whatever for?- It's very noble. The loser's like a sort of sacrifice
0:01:25 > 0:01:29to the dead man, you know, keep his soul company?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32The best thing is, it's really good fun to watch.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34So this is catching on, then?
0:01:34 > 0:01:39Oh, yeah, friend of mine died last month, had three fights,
0:01:39 > 0:01:43that means three more funerals and three fights at each one
0:01:43 > 0:01:45that makes nine funerals! It's been wall-to-wall
0:01:45 > 0:01:48funerals for weeks now. Brilliant!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Which one was that?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Um... Marcus.
0:01:56 > 0:02:02We are gathered here today to mark the passing of Marcus.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04- He was a good slave. - I can't believe all this.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Oh, this is nothing. My uncle, Centillus,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10had it written into his will that he wanted a fight to the death
0:02:10 > 0:02:12between two beautiful women.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- Seriously?- Yeah.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16His funeral's in ten minutes.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- It's disgust....can I come?- Yeah.
0:02:19 > 0:02:24- You've got to pretend to be sad until the fight starts.- No problem.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31It's horrible, but it's true!
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Romans loved watching slaves fighting at funerals.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38In fact, they loved it so much that someone had the bright idea
0:02:38 > 0:02:43of putting the slaves in stadiums and calling them gladiators.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Rat-a-tat-a-ta!
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Gladiators were trained in gladiator schools, not like your schools,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51but, do you know, it would be funny if they were.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Teacher's coming!
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Hail Rome, class! Very good to see you all working hard,
0:03:08 > 0:03:10but I'm afraid we must push on.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14All right! Someone tell me where we got to yesterday.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- Sir!- Yes, Abacus?
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Maths, Sir, We were counting
0:03:17 > 0:03:21how many criminals heads we could chop off in one contest.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Oh, yes, maths. So, if we're to take...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Sir! Sir!- What is it, Overzealous?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29when do we get to fight in the Colosseum, Sir?
0:03:29 > 0:03:34Colosseum? The Colosseum is for elite gladiators, like me,
0:03:34 > 0:03:38masters of the gladitorial arts.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Which of you will become raging retiarius, eh?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45With your trident and your net.
0:03:45 > 0:03:52Or a vile venator doing battle with wild animals.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56You, Overzealous, are not ready for the Colosseum.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59What did you get in your last Fighting Wild Animals exam?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Got a "Bee".
0:04:01 > 0:04:02You got a "Bee".
0:04:02 > 0:04:07Smallest and easiest to fight of all the animals. But what would you do
0:04:07 > 0:04:11if you were up against a lion in the arena?
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Speak up, boy!
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Don't know, Sir.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15"Don't know, Sir!"
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Na-na-na-na!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Exactly!
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Now, where were we?
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Maths, Sir.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25Maths! Good. So, if I was to cut off four men's heads
0:04:25 > 0:04:30and add them to the ten slaves arms I cut off the day before
0:04:30 > 0:04:31what would we have?
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- Yes?- A great afternoon of entertainment for the people.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Correct answer. Well done!
0:04:38 > 0:04:40BELL RINGS
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Oh, OK, everyone pack up violently.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48And before you go, before you go, make sure you hand in your homework.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49GRUMBLING
0:04:52 > 0:04:57All right, all right, thank you! Very good, very nice work. A+.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04In the First World War
0:05:04 > 0:05:07lots of us soldiers had to fight in horrible trenches.
0:05:07 > 0:05:13And most of the trenches were full of lice. Ow!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Mmm! What's cooking, Soldier? Smells Good!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Fried lice, Sir.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Fried rice? Delicious!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26No, no, fried LICE.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Billy's been living in his trench for months without washing,
0:05:29 > 0:05:30he's covered in lice.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Ooh, aah, it itches!
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Oh, I see.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37So we're frying them...
0:05:39 > 0:05:40..for fun! Ha-ha!
0:05:40 > 0:05:41That's disgusting!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44You think that's disgusting...
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Crumbs! They're different colours!
0:05:49 > 0:05:53Yeah! I picked up the pale ones from our trench, and the red ones
0:05:53 > 0:05:54from the German trench.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57It's like they're waging war all over my body, Sir!
0:05:57 > 0:06:04BATTLE CRIES AND GUNFIRE
0:06:04 > 0:06:06It's not looking good, Commandant!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08The British lice have taken
0:06:08 > 0:06:10control of the head and are advancing South.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13We can't hold onto ze nipples much longer!
0:06:13 > 0:06:15We must have reinforcements!
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Come on, egg, hatch big! Hatch!
0:06:18 > 0:06:21They are over-running us!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Take cover in this shell-hole!
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Gerry? We have you surrounded!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Come out with all your hands up!
0:06:28 > 0:06:30OK! We surrender!
0:06:30 > 0:06:36- Gentlemen, this body is ours! - Huzzah!- Hooray!- Wizard!
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- But you German lice can still have some of it.- Oh, ya?
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Yes, you can keep the bottom!
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Ha-ha-ha!
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Life really was horrible in the trenches...
0:07:05 > 0:07:07for the Germans as well!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Grub's up! It's Ready Steady Feast!
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Joining us today is a German soldier
0:07:15 > 0:07:19who comes directly from the trenches of the First World War.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Please welcome... Paul Bomber!
0:07:21 > 0:07:22APPLAUSE
0:07:22 > 0:07:23- Ta...- No!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Thanks for coming, Paul. I see you've brought
0:07:26 > 0:07:27a bag of food with you.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31Well, yes und no. Zis is ersatz food, or fake food.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33It's what we have to eat in the trenches
0:07:33 > 0:07:35now we have run out of real food.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38OK. Why don't you show us what you've got?
0:07:38 > 0:07:44- For sure. So, my first ingredient is ersatz pepper.- Pepper?
0:07:44 > 0:07:48No, ersatz pepper. We ran out of real pepper.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51This is just ashes from ze fire. But we are glad of it!
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- It takes away ze taste of ze bread. - What's wrong with the bread?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58It is made of beans and sawdust.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Yuk!
0:08:01 > 0:08:06And this is ersatz coffee. This we make by mixing
0:08:06 > 0:08:09ze nuts with coal tar and sugar.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Hm! That sounds terrible!
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Well, it is not so bad, actually. Then we ran out of nuts and sugar,
0:08:15 > 0:08:20- so we had to mix coal tar with turnips.- That is horrible!
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Well, you think that's horrible, you should try ersatz meat.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Zis we make from spinach, potatoes, und ersatz eggs.
0:08:28 > 0:08:29Ersatz eggs?
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Potatoes.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33So basically it's potatoes with potatoes!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- That doesn't sound that bad.- Oh, no?
0:08:36 > 0:08:41Well, we fry it up using the fat made from boiled-down rats.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Disgusting!
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Well maybe I'll have more luck with my other guest
0:08:45 > 0:08:48from the First World War. Please welcome Mick Wall!
0:08:48 > 0:08:49APPLAUSE
0:08:49 > 0:08:53He was a milkman in 1917 London. Mick, what have you got for us?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56I've just brought in some milk, watered down to make it go further.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Er, it's illegal, but I thought it was a good idea,
0:08:59 > 0:09:01what with all the shortages.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Nothing wrong with that.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Ask him where he found ze water?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Where did you get the water from?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Oh, I'd rather not say, really.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11But if you do find any brown bits floating in there,
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- just fish them out. - Oh, look! Sausages!
0:09:14 > 0:09:16RETCHING
0:09:16 > 0:09:18VOMITING
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Mmm, might make it taste nicer!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Ya, for sure!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- Grub is up!- Oh, shut up!
0:09:27 > 0:09:32Honestly, that's all true. 100% accu-rat-e! Ha!
0:09:32 > 0:09:37Even the bit about making cooking fat from boiling down rats...
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Do you know what? I think I'm going to get out of here!
0:09:45 > 0:09:50Pirates terrorised the world's seas for hundreds of years.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51They were a frightening bunch,
0:09:51 > 0:09:54but there was one thing that frightened them...
0:09:54 > 0:09:58being sent The Black Spot!
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Shiver me timbers! Daggers! Daggers McCaw!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Is that you, you salty sea dog?
0:10:12 > 0:10:15No! You must be mistaking me for somebody else.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18No, I'm not. Why are you wearing a false beard?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Shhh!
0:10:22 > 0:10:26I'm in disguise. Me life is in danger.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I tried to stage a mutiny on ship,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30and now Captain Grey's baying for me blood.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32But he is a fellow pirate,
0:10:32 > 0:10:35he wouldn't just kill you, he'd have to warn you first.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38By sending you...A LITTLE NOTE!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41No, I think you mean by sending me...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44THE BLACK SPOT!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Yes, pirate shorthand for...
0:10:47 > 0:10:49"We're going to kill ya!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52"If you stick around, you'll be killed,
0:10:52 > 0:10:55"if you try and run, you'll be killed!"
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Thank you, that's making me feel so much better.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59But it's fine, isn't it?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Because you haven't actually received The Black Spot.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Not yet, but now I'm out in the open it could happen any moment...
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Argh! The Black Spot!
0:11:08 > 0:11:12No! No, no, no! I was writing my shopping list earlier
0:11:12 > 0:11:14and my quill pen broke, and I spilt some ink.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17It's not The Black Spot! Ha-ha!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Right! Oh, my goodness, that's a relief!
0:11:20 > 0:11:21For a moment I did think...
0:11:21 > 0:11:24The Black Spot! That's a black spot!
0:11:24 > 0:11:27No! No, no, no! I was having squid in ink for me dinner,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30and a bit must have splashed on my sleeve.
0:11:30 > 0:11:35Right! Because for a moment I thought that was actually...
0:11:35 > 0:11:37The Black Spot! The Black Spot!
0:11:37 > 0:11:41That's warty Wendy, she was born like that.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42She's got another one...
0:11:42 > 0:11:45It's a black spot! It's a black spot!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48It's a black spot! It's a black spot!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50It's a black spot! It's a black spot!
0:11:50 > 0:11:51It's a black spot!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53This could take some time...
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- It's a black spot!- Daggers! - It's a black spot!- Calm down.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Look, you're not going to get killed unless you receive a note
0:12:00 > 0:12:05with The Black Spot on it. And I think if that was going to happen,
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- it would have happened by now. - Yeah, I suppose you're right.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13Thanks for setting me straight, mate. Anyway, best be off.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17- Night, Daggers!- Night.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Well, what he doesn't know can't hurt him!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22DOOR SLAMS
0:12:22 > 0:12:24GUNFIRE
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Oh, I stand corrected!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44The answer is...
0:12:44 > 0:12:46B. The pirate cut off his ears
0:12:46 > 0:12:50and made him eat them sprinkled with salt.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54And some pirate behaviour was even more surprising than that.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02All right, all right! Listen up, you scurvy scum!
0:13:02 > 0:13:08It's been many moons since I've had fresh blood aboard my ship.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Now you all know me by reputation.
0:13:12 > 0:13:19Black Bart, the most bloodthirsty pirate ever to sail the seven seas.
0:13:19 > 0:13:26But I don't know any of you, see, so to avoid any misunderstandings
0:13:26 > 0:13:31I'm gonna tell you how I runs things on my boat.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33LAUGHTER
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Bones! The rule book.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39RULE ONE! Fighting...
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- Ah-ha!- A-ha!
0:13:41 > 0:13:45No fighting! It's anti-social,
0:13:45 > 0:13:48and it's a good way to lose an eye, isn't it, Mulligan? Hmm?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51So they'll be none of that. If you have a quarrel
0:13:51 > 0:13:55you settle it on shore like gentlemen. Is that clear?
0:13:55 > 0:13:59RULE TWO! Games!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- Ha-ha!- Ha-ha!
0:14:01 > 0:14:05They'll be no games. I don't want to see any gambling on my ship.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Save your money for a rainy day, people.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11After all, if you look after your pieces of eight,
0:14:11 > 0:14:16your doubloons will look after themselves, won't they, gents? OK.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20RULE THREE! We settle everything democratically.
0:14:20 > 0:14:25We take a little vote, and if you don't want to do it, we won't do it!
0:14:25 > 0:14:29No-one's going to force you. As for treasure, we divide that up equally.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33No squabbling about treasure, boys, come, come.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37RULE FOUR! Bedtime is 8 o' clock sharp.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Busy day pirate-ing the next day,
0:14:40 > 0:14:44and I don't want to see any of you lads over-tired. All right?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46What?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49What if we breaks any of those them rules?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Do we get sent to bed early with a smacked botty? Ha-ha!
0:14:52 > 0:14:58No! We maroons you on a desert island.
0:14:58 > 0:15:05We leaves you there with no water to drink, no fruit to eat,
0:15:05 > 0:15:10no animals to kill, no trees for shade.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13We leaves you with a bottle of rum and a loaded pistol.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Now the choice is yours.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19You can starve to death, slowly,
0:15:19 > 0:15:24or you can end it all, swiftly... BANG!
0:15:24 > 0:15:29Well, that's more like it! Ha-ha!
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Wonderful! I'm glad you're all having so much fun.
0:15:32 > 0:15:38This is great, but it is five to eight, guys, so beddy-byes!
0:15:41 > 0:15:47Ah, 'tis all true! Ah-ha! 'Tis 100% accu-rat-e! Ha-ha-ha!
0:15:47 > 0:15:51Many pirate rules weren't as tough as you'd expect,
0:15:51 > 0:15:55oh, no, in many ways they were just great big cissies! Though, actually,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58I wouldn't recommend saying that to a pirate's face! Ha-ha!
0:16:02 > 0:16:08Guess what we used for tools in the Stone Age, eh? Give up?
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Stones! It was the Stone Age,
0:16:11 > 0:16:14and it's amazing what you can do with a stone.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19New from Stone Age tools comes a brand new set of Stone Age tools.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Yes, it's the all-purpose Stone Age tool set
0:16:21 > 0:16:24for all those Stone Age tasks that need doing around the cave.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Including...sharp stone,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29useful for cutting, and...
0:16:29 > 0:16:33sharp stone, good for slicing. Plus...
0:16:33 > 0:16:36sharp stone, for chopping.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38And now...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40introducing blunt stone,
0:16:40 > 0:16:42great for hammering!
0:16:42 > 0:16:48And that's not all, because order today and get this sharp stone...
0:16:48 > 0:16:50absolutely free! Be the sharpest
0:16:50 > 0:16:53tool in the box, buy the all-purpose Stone Age tool set, today!
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Warning! Sharp stone is sharp and can cause injury.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Aargh!
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Sharp stones and...blunt stones!
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Yeah!
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Sharp stones, and blunt stones, were all the tools humans had
0:17:10 > 0:17:14for two million years, until some clever-clogs discovered metal in...
0:17:14 > 0:17:18wait for it...yes, the Bronze Age! Ha-ha-ha!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Imagine coming third before the Bronze Age, eh?
0:17:20 > 0:17:23All you'd have got is a stone medal! Ha-ha-ha!
0:17:38 > 0:17:40The answer is...
0:17:42 > 0:17:46We find out much of what we know about Stone Age man
0:17:46 > 0:17:48from what has been found in Stone Age graves.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Here's what we think Stone Age burials were like.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56'You join us on this, the saddest of days.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59'The great chief of our Stone Age tribe is dead.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02'And so with all due reverential pomp and ceremony,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04'his body is laid to rest...
0:18:04 > 0:18:06'in a ditch.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10'His adoring wife, there, clearly upset by the tragic occasion,
0:18:10 > 0:18:14'as well she might be. She is going to be buried with him.'
0:18:14 > 0:18:16SCREAMING
0:18:16 > 0:18:20'And now the chief's loving son comes to pay his respects
0:18:20 > 0:18:22'to his late, deceased father.'
0:18:22 > 0:18:27Ugh! Like to say, few words...
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Ugh only know few words. Father!
0:18:31 > 0:18:36You dead! Me now big chief! Ha-ha-ha!
0:18:36 > 0:18:41As is traditional on such occasions, the mourners throw in some objects
0:18:41 > 0:18:44that the chief might need in the afterlife.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48His bow and arrows, a necklace of seashells
0:18:48 > 0:18:53and a little extra something to really confuse the archaeologists
0:18:53 > 0:18:57who dig him up in years to come. And finally we go to the memorial
0:18:57 > 0:19:00that commemorates the tragic way the chief lost his life.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Me push mammoth off cliff! Whee!
0:19:04 > 0:19:09Splat! Chief splattered! Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:09 > 0:19:13An extra arm really has been found in a Stone Age burial pit.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18So have loads of other weird things like extra teeth, seashells,
0:19:18 > 0:19:23and even a dead cat! Mind you, that's how I like my cats, dead!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Fight your way through history!
0:19:34 > 0:19:39You are a Viking, the most terrifying warrior the world has ever known.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42It's time for you to invade Britain!
0:19:45 > 0:19:46'Head-chopping axe,
0:19:46 > 0:19:48'skull-crushing hammer,
0:19:48 > 0:19:50'gut-slashing sword.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52'Selection complete.'
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Choose the mightiest British warrior to fight, or just go to Britain
0:19:56 > 0:19:59and butcher some defenceless monks!
0:19:59 > 0:20:00'British monk selected.'
0:20:00 > 0:20:05Re-create the battles of the brave Viking warriors.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11'Selection complete'.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17How many unarmed British monks can you slaughter?
0:20:19 > 0:20:21How much treasure can you steal?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25How many British monasteries can you destroy?
0:20:27 > 0:20:28'Select new British monastery.'
0:20:28 > 0:20:31But it's not all just kill, kill, kill!
0:20:31 > 0:20:33You take monks as slaves, too.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Warrior!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Being a Viking wasn't all fight, fight, fight.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57We liked to look good, too. And what you are about to see
0:20:57 > 0:21:01are all genuine Viking beauty treatments.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06Historical hairdressers! "Hair", there and everywhere! He-he!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Oh! What is it with you Vikings
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- that you're always coming in on a Saturday?- It's tradition.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16You know Vikings like to do their grooming on Saturdays
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Look, can I just have a hair wash?
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Does it look like I can?
0:21:20 > 0:21:24I mean, some of these Vikings made their appointments weeks ago.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25OK, OK. Eyebrow tidy?
0:21:25 > 0:21:29No! Shelley's run off her feet moustache-trimming as it is.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Look, please! I've got a longship raid for a fortnight from Wednesday,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36I just want to look my best. Look, you know us Vikings
0:21:36 > 0:21:38take our grooming very seriously.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Oh, all right, I've got a cancellation Tuesday morning.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45I can fit you in for a hair wash, dye and a plait then.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I dunno, it's cutting it a bit fine, Suzanne.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50I'll see if Shelley can book you earwax removal at the same time.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52She's got a new Viking ear spoon.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Shelley! Show him your new ear spoon.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Oh, that is brilliant! Cheers, Suzanne, I'll see you then.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Aah!
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Eric, that's you done.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Now, who's next for a hair wash?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06I am!
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Oh, I hate Saturdays!
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Vikings were incredibly clean.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18They really did like to wash and groom themselves every Saturday.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21They had earwax spoons and everything. Ha-ha-ha!
0:22:23 > 0:22:25I just stirred my tea with that!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33We didn't just have silly wigs in Georgian times,
0:22:33 > 0:22:36we also had some silly tax laws.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40And now it's time for our fairy tale series, where all the stories
0:22:40 > 0:22:43are re-told in different historical settings.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Today...
0:22:47 > 0:22:52And the wolf huffed and puffed and blew the stick house down.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55So the little pigs ran as fast
0:22:55 > 0:22:57as their little trotters would carry them,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59to their little piggy brother's house
0:22:59 > 0:23:03which was made of very strong brick.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05But this was Georgian times,
0:23:05 > 0:23:10and the little piggy in the brick house had bricked up all his windows
0:23:10 > 0:23:13so he wouldn't have to pay the new window tax,
0:23:13 > 0:23:17which meant he didn't see his little piggy brothers.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21And they were both eaten up by the big, bad wolf.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23The end.
0:23:23 > 0:23:29It's true. Many Georgian people bricked up their windows like this
0:23:29 > 0:23:32to avoid the window tax. We Georgians had silly taxes
0:23:32 > 0:23:37because we had stupid politicians and we had stupid politicians
0:23:37 > 0:23:39because we had silly elections.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Number one, turn up at the polling station.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Number two, go home if you're a woman.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Number three, go home if you don't own any property.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I own property!
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Yes, but you're still a woman and therefore feeble-minded. Go home!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Number four, check that one of the candidates
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- is the lord of the manor's son. - Are you the lord of the manor's son?
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- Daddy, am I the Lord... - Yes, you are.
0:24:13 > 0:24:14Yes, I am.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Number five, vote for the lord of the manor's son.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19But what if I don't want to?
0:24:19 > 0:24:21You have to, there are no other candidates.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Hang on, isn't voting supposed to be secret?- Certainly not,
0:24:31 > 0:24:35we have to make sure you voted for my son.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40And finally, congratulate your new member of parliament.
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Congratulations.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Thank you. Now give me all your money, I've just put the taxes up.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Ha-ha! That's my boy!
0:24:54 > 0:24:59Georgian elections really were very corrupt and members of parliament
0:24:59 > 0:25:03weren't paid, so only rich men could afford to become one.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06And who would they stick up for in parliament?
0:25:06 > 0:25:12Well, their rich friends, of course. That stinks! And not in a good way.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Please welcome to Horrible Histories
0:25:17 > 0:25:20the four King Georges of the Georgian era with Born 2 Rule.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28# I took the throne of England just cos I was protestant
0:25:28 > 0:25:33# A German, a prince whose English stank, King George number one
0:25:33 > 0:25:39# I like to argue, now that's clear, especially with my father, here
0:25:39 > 0:25:43# And when he died of diarrhoea I fought with my son
0:25:43 > 0:25:49# I broke records with my 60 year reign
0:25:49 > 0:25:54# And I broke the scales with my giant frame, ha
0:25:54 > 0:25:59TOGETHER: # Born to rule over you
0:25:59 > 0:26:01# King George Four...
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- # Three,- One,
0:26:03 > 0:26:04# And Two,
0:26:04 > 0:26:09TOGETHER: # You had to do what we told you to
0:26:09 > 0:26:14# Just because our blood was blue
0:26:18 > 0:26:20# I was a hunk, girls adored me
0:26:20 > 0:26:22# Ladies all swooned before me
0:26:22 > 0:26:29# They would do anything for me or I'd have their husbands killed
0:26:29 > 0:26:31# Had a war with Prince Charles, Bonnie
0:26:31 > 0:26:33# Everyone said that I was f-f-funny
0:26:33 > 0:26:35# I spent everyone's money
0:26:35 > 0:26:38# Our subjects were not thrilled
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# I was the sad one
0:26:40 > 0:26:43# And I was the bad one
0:26:43 > 0:26:45# I was the mad one
0:26:45 > 0:26:47# And I was the fat one
0:26:47 > 0:26:52TOGETHER: # We were born to rule over you
0:26:52 > 0:26:55# Georges one,
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- # Three,- four- and two
0:26:58 > 0:27:02TOGETHER: # England's kings, though we were German, too
0:27:02 > 0:27:03# Him,
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# Then him,
0:27:05 > 0:27:06# Then me,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08TOGETHER: # Then you
0:27:08 > 0:27:09# We were born...
0:27:09 > 0:27:12TOGETHER: # To rule over you
0:27:12 > 0:27:13# Born to rule
0:27:13 > 0:27:18# Gorged on fruit then I died on the loo
0:27:18 > 0:27:21# People hated us...
0:27:21 > 0:27:23TOGETHER: # And we hated them, too
0:27:23 > 0:27:27# Born to rule over you
0:27:27 > 0:27:31# Born to rule over you
0:27:31 > 0:27:36# Me, I was as batty as a bonkers kangaroo
0:27:36 > 0:27:42# Me, I would have been more at home in a zoo
0:27:42 > 0:27:50TOGETHER: # Now, now our song is through, yeah
0:27:50 > 0:27:54# Georges! #
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:05 > 0:28:08E-mail: subtitling@bbc.co.uk