0:00:01 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians, Slimy Stuarts,
0:00:03 > 0:00:04# Vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishments from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fearsome, toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Miserable Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:23# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:30# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to Horrible Histories. #
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Henry VIII really was a terrible Tudor.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43If he didn't like you, he'd have your head chopped off.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46He even beheaded two of his wives.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50In this week's issue of Oh, Yea! magazine,
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Henry VIII's latest wedding.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54We ask, will Katherine Parr go the distance,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56or are we heading for a beheading?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Plus, Henry VIII tells of his heartbreak
0:00:58 > 0:01:00at the Anne of Cleeves divorce.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02I chopped her because she was a minger.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05And Anne Boleyn's manky sixth finger revealed.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Was is an abnormal extra finger or was it just a wart?
0:01:08 > 0:01:09It's a wart.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13All the goss, all the pics on all the latest beheadings
0:01:13 > 0:01:15only in this week's Oh, Yea!
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Huh, Henry just loved chopping off heads. Didn't do it himself, mind.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25He had trained executioners to do the dirty work. Huh!
0:01:25 > 0:01:28I wonder how you get chosen for that job.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37It's a Monday morning in Tudor England, and a batch of new recruits
0:01:37 > 0:01:41are about to see who's up to the challenge of landing their dream job.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Chopping people's heads off.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44I'd be living the dream, really.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Well, more of a nightmare, I suppose.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50My mum reckons I'd be really good at this job,
0:01:50 > 0:01:51got all the right qualities.
0:01:51 > 0:01:56- And what does your Dad think? - I dunno. I chopped his head off.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Some people say this isn't a job for a woman, but to be honest,
0:01:59 > 0:02:02you're wearing a mask, so who's gonna know?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09It's not just about chopping people's heads off.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12There's all sorts of skills required in the job.
0:02:12 > 0:02:17There's hanging people, dropping people in boiling oil,
0:02:17 > 0:02:19chopping the limbs off, and then, of course,
0:02:19 > 0:02:23you've got the slitting people open, watching the stomachs fall out.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- SHE VOMITS - Right, you're out!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Oh, please, sir, I've got so much more to give.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31I didn't even mention pulling people's lungs out.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- SHE VOMITS - Oi, watch me shoes!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Vamoose!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39The remaining recruits are set to their first task,
0:02:39 > 0:02:41which is to lift the axe.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44So, what makes you think you can do this job, sonny?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I like the uniform,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49and I just wanna be independent, you know,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51stand on my own two feet.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53BLADE CRUNCHES
0:02:53 > 0:02:55One foot.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Next!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Right, listen very carefully.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07The type of noose used in a public execution
0:03:07 > 0:03:12varies according to the time of day the execution is to be carried out.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15This is the seven o'clock noose.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18This is the nine o'clock noose.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21And this is the Noose at Ten.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24And this is the person that wrote that joke.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Now, what makes you think you should be given the job?
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Well, I've got the axe and you haven't.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Good point. Welcome to the Tower.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Raaaaargh!
0:03:58 > 0:04:02It's...false.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Spartans only wanted babies who would grow into strong warriors,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10but even a strong warrior can make a mistake.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true
0:04:17 > 0:04:22# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you! #
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Oooh!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Next!
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- Name?- Pausanius.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31"Pausanius"!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Year of death?- 470 BC.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- Profession?- Spartan general.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Greek troublemaker.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- Method of death?- Well, I sort of fell out with my fellow Spartans,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46so decided to betray them to the enemy,
0:04:46 > 0:04:49but my letter to the other side was intercepted by the Spartans,
0:04:49 > 0:04:51who sent troops to kill me as a traitor.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54But I fled to the Temple of Athena,
0:04:54 > 0:04:58saying, "You can't lay a finger on me here, I'm on sacred ground."
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- Mmm. And did the killers dare lay a finger on you?- No, they did not.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06They just bricked up the door and left me to starve to death.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- HE LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY - A classic!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17You're dead funny!
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Bricked up!
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I love my job, sometimes I do. I do.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Next!
0:05:26 > 0:05:31# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you! #
0:05:31 > 0:05:34And there were plenty of stupid deaths
0:05:34 > 0:05:36in the ancient Greek city of Athens
0:05:36 > 0:05:38when a bloke called Draco was in charge.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41He was super, super strict.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49The Court of Historical Law is now in session.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54Today we are using laws from the ancient Greek city of Athens.
0:05:54 > 0:05:59Prosecuting, all the way from the year 621 BC,
0:05:59 > 0:06:04the great, the all-powerful...Draco.
0:06:04 > 0:06:09Ruler of the Athenian people, philosopher and law maker.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13And the accused, Seth.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19So then, Seth, if that is indeed your real name,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I put it to you that on the night of the 12th day
0:06:22 > 0:06:25in the orchard of Darius Panagopoulos,
0:06:25 > 0:06:32you did wantonly, brazenly and with malice of forethought steal an apple.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Stealing an apple?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Is that what this is about? - Did you or didn't you?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Yeah, I nicked an apple.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40So who do I owe an apple to?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42CONTEMPTUOUS LAUGHTER
0:06:42 > 0:06:46I'm afraid that under my Draconian law the theft of an apple
0:06:46 > 0:06:49is punishable by... Let's see, shall we?
0:06:52 > 0:06:57- Death.- What?!- Guards, take him away and make him dead.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Wait, wait. No, I remember now. I didn't steal an apple.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05I distinctly remember standing in the orchard
0:07:05 > 0:07:09and making a point of not stealing any apple.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13But you were in the orchard, which sounds like trespassing to me,
0:07:13 > 0:07:17which under Draconian law is punishable by...
0:07:17 > 0:07:18..death!
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Guards, take him away and make him dead.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, hang on.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24No, it's all becoming clear now.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27I was nowhere, doing nothing.
0:07:27 > 0:07:32On the night in question I just sat around nowhere in particular,
0:07:32 > 0:07:34doing nothing whatsoever.
0:07:34 > 0:07:40In which case, we shall drop all charges of theft and trespassing
0:07:40 > 0:07:43and replace them instead with a charge of idleness,
0:07:43 > 0:07:45which under Draconian law is punishable by...
0:07:45 > 0:07:47..tickling!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50That's not right.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Death!
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Guards, take him away and make him dead, unless you can
0:07:56 > 0:07:59think of something worse than death, in which case, do that too.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01This is an outrage!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Well, not a bad result, I'd say.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07I mean, you have to take the hard line with these law breakers.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08SCREAMS OF AGONY
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Actually, I think you'll find that was my apple.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Now, time for our fairytale series,
0:08:22 > 0:08:26where all the stories are retold in different historical settings.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Today...
0:08:31 > 0:08:35The beautiful princess had been asleep for 100 years
0:08:35 > 0:08:37when a handsome prince found her.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40He fell in love with her,
0:08:40 > 0:08:45and with a kiss she finally awoke from her long sleep.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48And they would have got married and lived happily ever after,
0:08:48 > 0:08:54but the Ancient Greek ruler Draco had introduced some new laws,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57and being lazy was now a serious crime,
0:08:57 > 0:09:02and nothing is lazier than sleeping for 100 years.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06So the princess was taken away and executed.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Oh, come on!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09The end.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Hello, and welcome to the News at When. When?
0:09:22 > 0:09:23Well, the modern day, I suppose.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Today we're looking at how come Britain has connections
0:09:27 > 0:09:29with so many countries around the world.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Here to explain more is Bob Hale, with the British Empire Report. Bob.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Thank you, Sam. Well, there it is,
0:09:36 > 0:09:40the world, and right there in the middle of it is England.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Tiny little country with a big idea -
0:09:42 > 0:09:45to take over everywhere else and become really, really powerful.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48So in 1583, a Tudor chap called Humphrey Gilbert
0:09:48 > 0:09:52lands over here in a new-found land called Newfoundland.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56He claims it for England, and so the Empire begins. Ta-da!
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Sadly, he doesn't leave anyone to look after it,
0:09:59 > 0:10:01then dies on the way home, so all in all
0:10:01 > 0:10:04it's not a brilliant trip, but England tries again.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06In Stuart times, back across the Atlantic they go,
0:10:06 > 0:10:10this time claiming Canada, the Caribbean, and most importantly,
0:10:10 > 0:10:11the east coast of America,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14which means we finally have a British Empire,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17and everything's going awfully, awfully well, but not for long.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20The American states declare independence.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Not only do they declare it, they fight for it, and they win.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24It's a disaster!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27So Britain has to go and try its luck somewhere else.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Fortunately, Captain Cook discovered Australia,
0:10:29 > 0:10:31so Britain says, "We'll have that,"
0:10:31 > 0:10:34and they would also like a bit of Asia, over here. Yes.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38There's a British business in Asia called the East India Company,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41trading in things like tea and biscuits. Mmm, yummy!
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Everyone loves teas and biscuits.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45So much that the company becomes big and powerful
0:10:45 > 0:10:47and starts to take over entire countries.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Plus, Britain wins the Napoleonic Wars against the French Empire,
0:10:51 > 0:10:53and they nab more countries off them.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Wait a minute. It seems the Indian people don't like
0:10:56 > 0:10:59being ruled by a tea company, and who can blame them?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00They decide to rebel.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02The British Army, however, crushes the rebellion
0:11:02 > 0:11:05and Queen Victoria takes over as Indian Empress,
0:11:05 > 0:11:08which don't "empress" the Indians. Ha, ha!
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Meanwhile, it seems the Dutch won't share South Africa.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Naughty, naughty!
0:11:12 > 0:11:15So Britain has a couple of wars down there, the Boer Wars,
0:11:15 > 0:11:17and gobbles up a few more countries.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20By the time World War I breaks out, a third of all Africans
0:11:20 > 0:11:21are ruled by the British.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24And what's Britain's prize for winning the war?
0:11:24 > 0:11:25A load more countries, of course.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29A third of the planet run by one tiny island.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Ah!
0:11:31 > 0:11:32But not for long!
0:11:32 > 0:11:35First to go are Australia and Canada and Egypt,
0:11:35 > 0:11:38they demand to be recognised as equal countries,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41so they're out of the Empire. And then World War II happened.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Britain wins, but we're completely broke.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45You can't run an empire without money,
0:11:45 > 0:11:47especially when people don't want you.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50India leaves, and everywhere else isn't far behind.
0:11:50 > 0:11:521948, and Ireland goes. See you, Ireland!
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Then Sudan. Bye, Sudan! Then Cyprus and South Africa and Zanzibar
0:11:56 > 0:11:59and Malta, Singapore, Fiji, then Hong Kong,
0:11:59 > 0:12:01then the screen goes dead and the cat's put out,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04the phone's unplugged, lights go off, milk gets cancelled,
0:12:04 > 0:12:07the gas is disconnected. and I hand back to Sam.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Back to you, Sam.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Thanks, Bob.
0:12:15 > 0:12:21# I love to be a British queen I am Victoria, you see
0:12:21 > 0:12:26# Now, where's my British butler With my British cup of tea?
0:12:26 > 0:12:31# Tea is not from Britain, ma'am From India it was brought
0:12:31 > 0:12:35# Yes, for your cuppa thousands died
0:12:35 > 0:12:37# And many wars were fought
0:12:37 > 0:12:42# British things, my British things It seems that tea is not
0:12:42 > 0:12:47- # British things, my British things - Can I sweeten it a jot?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52# Do tell me sugar's British, though
0:12:52 > 0:12:58# No, it's Caribbean, imported For sugar in your cup of tea
0:12:58 > 0:13:03# Slavery's been supported I know it's wrong, Your Majesty
0:13:03 > 0:13:05# But slaves in Africa
0:13:05 > 0:13:11# Were tarred in fields of sugar cane To sweeten up your cha
0:13:11 > 0:13:14# British things, our British things
0:13:14 > 0:13:19# I thought that there were many British things, oh, British things
0:13:19 > 0:13:23# Afraid there's hardly any
0:13:23 > 0:13:28- # You know your British cotton vest? - What's wrong with it? Explain
0:13:28 > 0:13:33- # The cotton's from America and picked by...- Slaves again
0:13:33 > 0:13:37# Your Empire's built on fighting wars
0:13:37 > 0:13:39# That's how your income's swollen
0:13:39 > 0:13:45# Your British things are from abroad And most are, frankly, stolen.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47# Whatever next? Go on, pray tell.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50# Our British Queen is foreign as well?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52# It's true I am of foreign descent
0:13:52 > 0:13:54# And your husband Albert?
0:13:54 > 0:13:58# A German gent At least I've got a British name
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- # Victoria's Latin - That's a shame!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03# British things, British things
0:14:03 > 0:14:06# There are none, we declare
0:14:06 > 0:14:09# All our favourite British things
0:14:09 > 0:14:14# Seem to come from elsewhere! #
0:14:16 > 0:14:17More sugar?
0:14:22 > 0:14:26A lot of English words come straight from the Viking language,
0:14:26 > 0:14:27like this lot.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Really? Shy?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Ooh, I am a bit, actually.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Erm, stop staring at me, I'm going red.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57We Vikings really were a surprising bunch.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01I mean, how do you think we told stories about our gruesome battles?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03We told them with poems.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07We really did, cos it's easier to remember a rhyme.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Greetings, my friend, it's great to be back!
0:15:14 > 0:15:17And just wait till you see what I've got in my sack.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18We pillaged this monastery
0:15:18 > 0:15:22down by the coast, and divided the loot up, but I got the most.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Then drowned some monks and went back on the ship.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28All in all, I would say not a bad little trip.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36- What?- Yeah, I don't know if you were aware at the time, but everything
0:15:36 > 0:15:38you just said seemed to...
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Rhyme? Well, that's perfectly normal.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Nothing odd there. It's just a good way
0:15:43 > 0:15:47for us Vikings to share the tales of battles we've had whilst away.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- We could write it down but... - It's nicer to say?
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Well, I wouldn't say nicer, not nice as such, cos most of the time
0:15:54 > 0:15:59it's all blood and guts and stabbing and looting and violence and hate.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01But you say it in rhyme and it makes us sound great.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- I think it sounds silly. - You're doing it too.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05- I'm not.- You just did.- That's you.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Well, this is just practice, messing around.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13The real battle poems would truly astound.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16They're stirring and epic, a real work of art.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I could read you one now, I've learnt it by heart.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Enough with poems, I'm getting annoyed.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23This is about all the towns we've destroyed.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25I don't wanna hear it, leave me alone.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29You'll like this one, it's one of my own.
0:16:29 > 0:16:35Red flames swallowed up men's rooves as we raged and cut them down.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Bodies skewered lay there sleepy
0:16:37 > 0:16:41in the gateways of the town.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Both brutal and touching, a most potent blend.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- I think it could do with a joke at the end.- It's not about jokes.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51I'm spreading the word. Down the generations that verse will be heard.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Seriously, stop it now.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55It's making me cross.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- I'm not even going to make that bit rhyme.- That's your loss!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01But for me, I'm afraid this is more than a game.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05I'm a warrior poet, and soon will come fame.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And years in the future they'll speak of a time when
0:17:08 > 0:17:14Eric the Viking spoke only in words that sound the same as each other.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Oh, I think I've stopped.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Brilliant. Do you fancy an ale?
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- Er, yeah, all right then.- Ah!
0:17:22 > 0:17:23So, how's it going with you?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Ah, not too bad. Cow's got a gammy foot.- Oh, really?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Vikings didn't always rhyme.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30What could be worse?!
0:17:30 > 0:17:33But many famous stories were written in verse.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Ha! It took me all week to work that one out.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Vikings loved playing with words.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54The answer is...
0:17:54 > 0:17:58B. His sword was called Leg Biter, because its bite could kill.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Remember, remember, the 5th of November.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Well, that was when a Stuart bloke called Guy Fawkes
0:18:12 > 0:18:15tried to blow up the King about 400 years ago.
0:18:15 > 0:18:21Hello. Fireworks Night can be very dangerous. I should know.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24I'm Roman Catholic revolutionary Guy Fawkes, and I'm here to give you
0:18:24 > 0:18:28a few important safety tips for November 5th.
0:18:31 > 0:18:37Be very careful when transporting 36 barrels of highly explosive gunpowder
0:18:37 > 0:18:40into a cellar below the Houses of Parliament.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Oh, no, no. No smoking.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49Always make sure there are no fellow Catholics in Parliament.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51You wouldn't want to blow them up, would you?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55I think I'll write a letter to Lord Monteagle
0:18:55 > 0:18:57to warn him not to come to Parliament on the 5th.
0:18:57 > 0:19:02Ooh, hang on, could that jeopardise our plan?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Hmm...no, I think it'll be all right.
0:19:07 > 0:19:13When you're going to light 36 barrels of gunpowder, do stand well back,
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- preferably three miles back, so you don't get caught red-handed.- Gotcha!
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I got a tip-off from Lord Monteagle.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I don't suppose you'd come back in 12 hours
0:19:22 > 0:19:24when I've blown up the King, would you?!
0:19:24 > 0:19:26No.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Do be careful not to get tortured.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36- Give me the names of your co-conspirators.- No, no, no!
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Not even that idiot what wrote to Lord Monteagle?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Oh, yes, you can have him.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48And this is the most important one.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- Under no circumstances get hung, drawn and quartered.- All right, mate.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53OK, you're over here.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55It's just in here. Yeah?
0:19:57 > 0:20:02It's true, when Lord Monteagle got the letter from Guy Fawkes' mate
0:20:02 > 0:20:03warning him about the plot,
0:20:03 > 0:20:07he passed the information straight on to the King's men.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10He was rewarded with land and money.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Presumably he got a penny for the Guy!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14HE LAUGHS
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Oh, go on, I was pleased with that one.
0:20:18 > 0:20:23People were always trying to get rid of the King in Stuart times.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25And if blowing up your King didn't work, you could
0:20:25 > 0:20:27always start a war against them.
0:20:32 > 0:20:37Hello and welcome to the News at When. When? 1642.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40That's the year civil war broke out in England.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42King Charles I and his Cavaliers
0:20:42 > 0:20:46were up against Oliver Cromwell and his Roundheads.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50And which side you chose to be on could be a matter of life or death.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59I cannot wait for this horrid civil war to be over.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03It's got fathers battling sons and old friends fighting one another.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Not us, though.- No, indeed.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08We Cavaliers must stick together.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- Forever loyal to good old King Charles.- Exactly.
0:21:11 > 0:21:16We're true blue Royalists, complete with snazzy outfits and wigs.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Yes, we're with the King whatever happens.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24Even if Cromwell's Roundheads were marching up the hill?
0:21:24 > 0:21:29- Absolutely!- Because they are actually marching up the hill.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Oh, good gracious, so they are. Erm...
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Plan B!
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Yes, we Roundheads must stick together.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52That King Charles always pushing his weight around
0:21:52 > 0:21:54and ignoring Parliament. Who does he think he is?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Exactly. Down with the monarchy.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Yes, we're Roundheads through and through.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Complete with our manky outfits.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Yep. We're with Cromwell, whatever happens.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Even if the Cavalier Army
0:22:08 > 0:22:12are marching quickly up the other side of the hill?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Oh...
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Back to Plan A!
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Right, so...
0:22:31 > 0:22:33God save the King and all that.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Hold on, your outfit's a bit mixed up.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39I mean, you look like sort of a Roundalier.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Well, you look like a Cavahead.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45We'll end up getting shot by both sides!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47They're closing in.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49What do we do?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- There's only one thing for it. - Not...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Yes - Plan C!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Wasn't there a Plan D?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14It's Plan C, only without the pants.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37The answer is...
0:23:37 > 0:23:40A, he used dead bodies
0:23:40 > 0:23:42as blankets.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49In the Middle Ages, lots of knights sailed
0:23:49 > 0:23:54from Europe to the Middle East to fight in wars known as the Crusades.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Lots of people died,
0:23:56 > 0:24:00but that's not the only way they died in those days.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03All right, just wait there.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- Next.- Cheers, Sir John.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I've been waiting decades to get in here.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Sorry, there's a backlog.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12It's these Middle Ages, they're so gory, everyone's dying.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- Yeah, tell me about it. Look I've just...- Erm...- Sorry...
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- Do you mind? Messy Jessie!- Sorry.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Oh, all right, let's just get on with it, shall we? Name?
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- Sir Basil.- Profession?- Crusader.
0:24:24 > 0:24:29Oh, not another one. I'll just put 'Ditto'.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31- Year of death?- 1291.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Ditto. Method of death?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- Take a wild guess. - Oh, that's a new one actually.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- You should have seen the other guy. - Are you gonna be much longer?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- Hey now... - I'm so sorry, I'm a little bit wet.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I got a bit wet in the floods in Europe in 1315.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Really wet in fact, cos I drowned.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53- Tens of thousands of us did, so, you know...- Floods, you say?- Yeah.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- Whatever next?- The 100 Years War.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59I was killed by some English pig in ze opening battle.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- Don't look at me.- 100 Years War?
0:25:01 > 0:25:04- Oui.- Oh, well at least it can't get any worse.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Excuse me! SHE COUGHS
0:25:07 > 0:25:09- Whoa, Nellie...- Sorry.
0:25:09 > 0:25:15I died of the Black Death in 1349, so I'd stand well back if I was you.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Well, we're already dead, so...
0:25:17 > 0:25:19There was a few million of us what died,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- so we was wondering how long you was gonna be?- Black Death?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Millions dead? You know, I'm fed up with all this dying.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27- I quit.- What?
0:25:27 > 0:25:31But you're ze Grim Reaper, what other job could you possibly do?
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Yeah, you're mean,
0:25:32 > 0:25:35you're nasty, you're old, you're sick-looking, what you gonna do?
0:25:35 > 0:25:38I could always become a headmaster.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Actually, that is not a bad idea.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43Yes.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48In the Middle Ages, wars could go on for, well, ages.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Like the 100 Years War between England and France,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54which went on for, oddly enough, 100 years.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Towards the end, English forces surrounded the city of Orleans,
0:25:58 > 0:26:02stopping the French from getting out, and waiting, very cleverly,
0:26:02 > 0:26:04till they ran out of food. Yeah.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08It was called the Siege of Orleans.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Grub's up! It's Ready, Steady, Feast, live from
0:26:14 > 0:26:19the Siege of Orleans, where the food ran out about three months ago.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21We're starving. Literally.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Let's see what our contestants have brought to cook.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Please welcome Phillipe and Jean-Claude!
0:26:28 > 0:26:29Hm, mm?
0:26:29 > 0:26:31No. Definitely no.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Phillipe, what's your first item?
0:26:33 > 0:26:37Well, we have a beautiful apple tree in the garden.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39You've brought an apple. Wonderful.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Well, no, obviously we ate all ze apples months ago,
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- so I bring along a branch.- Mmm!
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- Delicious.- My second item,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- an old boot.- Leather. Lovely.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Boil that up for a couple of days until it's just like some beef, some
0:26:57 > 0:27:01stinky beef that someone's been walking on for a year.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04You see, my third item...
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Mm, sultanas.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Rat droppings.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13And here's my final item, the rat.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Where's the rest of the rat?
0:27:15 > 0:27:20- Well, I got a little bit peckish on the way over.- OK.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Well, Phillipe's brought some wood, an old boot,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26some rat droppings and half a rat.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33- So, let's see what Jean Claude has to offer.- I've got five sausages.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37Wow, where did you get them?
0:27:39 > 0:27:40Grub's up!
0:27:42 > 0:27:43# Tall tales, atrocious acts,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45# We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:27:45 > 0:27:48# The ugly truth, no glam or glitz, we showed you all the juicy bits
0:27:48 > 0:27:50# Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel
0:27:50 > 0:27:53# Stuff they don't teach you at school
0:27:53 > 0:27:56# The past is no longer a mystery
0:27:56 > 0:27:57# Hope you enjoyed
0:27:57 > 0:28:01# Horrible Histories! #