0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians
0:00:03 > 0:00:04# Stylish Stuarts Vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:05# Woeful wars, ferocious fights
0:00:05 > 0:00:07# Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:08# Horrors that defy description
0:00:08 > 0:00:09# Cut-throat Celts or bull Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:11# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
0:00:11 > 0:00:12# Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:13# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:16# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Mean and miserly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:32# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Britain about 2,000 years ago, and not a Roman in sight.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Whoops, spoke too soon.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47The Romans have invaded and they're here to stay.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49I wonder what they'll make of the food.
0:00:52 > 0:00:57Hello, I'm an angry, shouty Roman chef and, having invaded Britain,
0:00:57 > 0:01:01the first thing I notice is that the food is awful!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04So I've come down here to this rubbish restaurant,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06see if I can't turn things around, yes?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Come on.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10So, what is it you're cooking here,
0:01:10 > 0:01:13in this stinking dog-hole of a primitive kitchen?
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Um, uh, this is the staple diet of Celtic Britain.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Um, right here we have the stale bread and this is some ale.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22- And, uh?- Right, well,
0:01:22 > 0:01:26uh, you eat this, and this is to stop it sticking in your throat.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28And what on earth is this?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Ah, well, this is today's special.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34I call this recipe, "Lump of unsalted meat".
0:01:34 > 0:01:40You think that's special? Celtic Britain is a disaster, fat man.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43You're about to get a cooking makeover, Roman style.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Fetch me that pan.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52So we're going to create a Roman menu.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Now remember, the Romans are so sophisticated,
0:01:54 > 0:01:56they like to eat as much as they can,
0:01:56 > 0:01:59make themselves sick and then eat even more.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01So we gotta make something
0:02:01 > 0:02:03that tastes as good on the way back up
0:02:03 > 0:02:05as it did on the way down. Yes?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08OK. So what I'm going to make is a wild boar,
0:02:08 > 0:02:09with live song thrushes
0:02:09 > 0:02:11that fly out when you cut it open.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17I wanna peacocks, a ravens, a swans, a jackdaws.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19I want the innards of an ostrich in a bowl
0:02:19 > 0:02:20and sows' udders
0:02:20 > 0:02:22mixed with the brains of a goat, yes?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25OK. Pass me the pan.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Let's cook!
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Now let me just try some of these sheep's lungs.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Mmm, not bad but it could do with a little something.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Uh, pass me some of those rotten fish guts.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Mmm, that's the stuff.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Delicious.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52HE BURPS
0:02:52 > 0:02:57OK, so we got boar, birds, salad, brains, lungs.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Well, that's the starter done.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Now we should get on with the main course. Pan.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Hey-hey! Let's cook.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11And if you think our Roman eating habits were disgusting,
0:03:11 > 0:03:14you should see what our toilets were like.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Right, here are the toilets.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Great. Well, after you.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23After me? You are such a country bumpkin, Sextus. This is Rome.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25We have communal toilets.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26We all go together.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Come on, you.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- But...- Come on!
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- Afternoon, gents. - Ah, afternoon, Marcus.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Oh, this is Sextus by the way, my cousin. First visit to the city.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Oh, wonderful. Well, take a seat.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44OK. Thanks.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- Mmm.- So, Marcus, how are you?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Oh, feeling a bit... HE BREAKS WIND
0:03:48 > 0:03:50..better, thanks.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Was a bit poorly last week.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- Oh? Did you have that... - HE BREAKS WIND
0:03:53 > 0:03:55..cold that's going around?
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Yeah, I think so. I tried that newfangled cure, though.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01I ate nothing but... HE BREAKS WIND
0:04:01 > 0:04:03..cabbages.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04And drank my own urine for a day.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- Worked a treat. - Mmm?- Yeah.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09THEY BREAK WIND
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- Ooh, sorry.- Ooh!
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Hey, that reminds me, you really must try my wife's cooking.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Come for dinner this Thursday? We're...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28We're having force-fed dormouse.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29You can bring your cousin.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Oh, that sounds... delightful.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Mmm. Pass us the stick, old girl.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- Yes, of course, sir. - Oh, other end, if you don't mind.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Sorry.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Ugh. Right, see ya Thursday.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Lovely. I'll bring some...
0:04:52 > 0:04:53HE BREAKS WIND ..wine.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Bye.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00I can't! I just can't go like this, with all you watching.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01For goodness sake.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Thanks.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13It's true. 100% accu-rat.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18Ha. Romans really did socialise in their communal toilets.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22They'd spend hours in there chatting and listening to gossip.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23HE BREAKS WIND
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Oh, Marcus! Ooh, I do beg your pardon, viewers.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Honestly, there's people watching.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- Sorry, that was my flea. - HE BREAKS WIND.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31And again! Marcus, what have I just said?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40We Victorians fought lots of wars abroad
0:05:40 > 0:05:42and they were really gruesome.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44If you didn't die on the battlefield,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46you probably would in the hospitals.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Check out how filthy they were. Mmm.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Welcome to the Crimean War hospital, Nurse...?
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- Sorry, I didn't catch your name. - Uh, Florence. Florence Nightingale.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Well, let me show you round the hospital.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01First of all, and this is very important,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04do be careful where you tread as there's a lot of...
0:06:05 > 0:06:08There's lots of blood on the floor.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10We do have hundreds of wounded soldiers here.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12There's also a lot of...
0:06:13 > 0:06:15A lot of poo.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Most of our patients have diarrhoea.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Oh. That's disgusting. - Ooh, watch out for the...- Aaargh!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- Rats, yes.- Honestly...
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Right, this is one of our new patients.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Oh, but look at his sheets. They're filthy.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32He's lucky. Most of our patients have to lie on the floor.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34On the floor? What, with all the...
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Blood and poo. Yes.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Oh, good heavens.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Ah, looks like the doctor's hard at work again.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Aha, it's just run of the mill operations round here really,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51mainly cutting off limbs with a blunt saw.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52A blunt saw?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54But that must really hurt.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55Well, yes,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58I have got a bit of a stiff shoulder.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- I just try and ignore it.- Urgh.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02With all the rats around,
0:07:02 > 0:07:05it's very important we dispose of amputated limbs properly.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Oh, at last, some basic hygiene.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Geoff! DOG BARKS
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Oh, he loves his feed.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Right, I can see we need
0:07:14 > 0:07:16to get this place cleaned up.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Let's start with...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Blood and poo, yes.
0:07:21 > 0:07:26Ugh, think this really suits me. Don't you? Ooh!
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Yes, Florence Nightingale famously introduced cleanliness and order
0:07:34 > 0:07:36to hospitals in the Crimean War.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39She became known as The Lady of the Lamp,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41though us rats knew her as Lady of the Broom,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43cos that's what she used to whack us with.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Oh, oi, you! Ha. Huh.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Oh, me snout.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06The answer is...they all were.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Victorians still had
0:08:08 > 0:08:10a lot to learn about medicine,
0:08:10 > 0:08:11and leaning about
0:08:11 > 0:08:12how the human body worked
0:08:12 > 0:08:15was a particularly gruesome business.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Ooh! Bit whiffy.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Still, much to learn...
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Egypt's pharaohs had some really complicated families,
0:11:07 > 0:11:09and I mean complicated.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Check this out. A-ha!
0:11:20 > 0:11:25Behold the Queen of Egypt, the living Isis, Cleopatra.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30Uh oh.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33What on earth are you playing at?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I fell out the end halfway up the stairs.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39You could've broken my beautiful nose...
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Oh, no. I don't believe it.
0:11:41 > 0:11:48Yes, Cleopatra VII, last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt, this is your reign.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52What a lovely surprise.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- And I bet you helped.- Yes, mistress.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Yes. Well, to show you how much I appreciate it,
0:11:57 > 0:12:00I'm going to have you buried alive with me, when I die.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Oh.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Yes, this is a show where your friends and family
0:12:06 > 0:12:09tell us funny stories about you,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11and we're starting with your brother,
0:12:11 > 0:12:15your husband, your second cousin and your brother-in-law.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Yes, it's Ptolemy XIII,
0:12:18 > 0:12:19and, er...
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Hang on, that can't be right.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Shouldn't there be four people?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Oh, no, he is all four.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26You see, I married two of my brothers
0:12:26 > 0:12:29and my dad is my mum's mum's brother, so...
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Oh, cool. OK, maybe your dad can clear things up,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34because he is here tonight with your uncle,
0:12:34 > 0:12:41your great uncle, your father-in-law and one of your other husbands.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Hi, Dad, father-in-law,
0:12:43 > 0:12:44brother-in-law,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46second cousin, third cousin.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Maybe we should leave the family stuff to one side.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50It's a bit weird.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- Let's concentrate on your husbands. - It's us.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55No, no, the other ones.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Because you didn't just marry members of your own family,
0:12:58 > 0:13:01you also had a thing for powerful Romans.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05That's right, husband number two and five,
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Julius Caesar and Mark Anthony are here tonight.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Hello there, everyone.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- It's great to be here. - Me too. Love the show.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Tell us a bit about your romance with Cleopatra.
0:13:16 > 0:13:23Uh, well, in 48BC I was the unchallenged ruler of Rome,
0:13:23 > 0:13:25then I met Cleo.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Uh, she made me stay on a very long holiday in Egypt.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30By the time I got back to Rome,
0:13:30 > 0:13:31I'd become so unpopular
0:13:31 > 0:13:34that I was murdered by my best friends in broad daylight.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37That's similar to me.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41I mean, 42BC, had the world at my feet, great armies at my disposal,
0:13:41 > 0:13:44met Cleo, shortly after, I died alone,
0:13:44 > 0:13:46under attack by my own people. Shocker.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I mean, she's hardly a good-luck charm, is she?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- I was just thinking that.- Yeah.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Well, it was never going to work with either of you two.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57I mean, we're not even distantly related.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Urgh. Cleopatra, this is your very disturbing reign.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04So, have we been married yet?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Uh, um, no.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Come on, let's check our family trees. We might be related.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14We've all heard of Cleopatra.
0:14:14 > 0:14:19She's the most famous female pharaoh, but she wasn't the first.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24She was Hatshepsut, pharaoh of Ancient Egypt.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26She had power, she had riches,
0:14:26 > 0:14:28she had everything a great pharaoh needed.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Except a beard.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- Sorry, a what?- A beard.- A beard?
0:14:34 > 0:14:39Yes. The pharaoh was meant to be the god Horace in human form,
0:14:39 > 0:14:44and Horace was a bloke, so you wore a fake beard to look like a bloke.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Oh, are you, are you sure about that?
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Yes, quite sure. Here we go.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Hatshepsut wore a false beard and dressed in men's clothes.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Hang on, what?!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01You dressed in men's clothes.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Don't blame me. That's, like, just what you did.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Oh, that's ridiculous.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Hatshepsut, the queen who would be king,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12took the throne from her stepson
0:15:12 > 0:15:15and reigned over Egypt for 22 years,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- until she disappeared in mysterious circumstances...- Whoa, whoa, what?
0:15:18 > 0:15:22..her monuments destroyed and her name erased from history.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Stop, stop, stop. What happened to me?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28You were murdered, probably by your stepson.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32He was pretty annoyed about the whole throne stealing incident.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- Right, that's it. - Where are you going?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37You can keep the whole pharaoh thing. Sounds far too dangerous.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- What about the beard? - Ooh, I'm keeping the beard!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Think it really suits me.
0:15:44 > 0:15:50Ooh, that Hatshepsut! Ooh, she was a right show off, she was.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54She had lots of carvings done saying she'd won loads of battles,
0:15:54 > 0:15:56when actually, her dad had won them all.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Yeah! The next pharaoh put the record straight, though,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02by chipping her name off all the monuments.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05The rat knows all. Hm.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13William Shakespeare was the most famous
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- playwright in England. - HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- Britain. - HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:16:17 > 0:16:20The world.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Towards the end of Queen Elizabeth's reign,
0:16:24 > 0:16:28he had his famous theatre, The Globe, built in old London town.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Tea break.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Back to work.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36But then, his landlord put the rent up.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Argh!
0:16:38 > 0:16:42So, to save money, Shakespeare had the entire theatre moved.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44One, two, three, lift.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48From north of the River Thames, to south of the River Thames.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51To me, to you. To me, to you.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Argh, it's on me foot. Ah, that's better.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56It didn't last long, though.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00During a performance of the play, Henry VIII,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03they used a canon to announce the arrival of the king,
0:17:03 > 0:17:08which set fire to the thatched roof, and the whole Globe burnt down.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Right, you get the tools.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I'll stick the kettle on.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Amazing, you couldn't make it up.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Well, obviously Shakespeare could have,
0:17:17 > 0:17:20but he was good at that sort of thing wasn't he, Shakespeare?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26OK, it's the Battle Of Bosworth Field,
0:17:26 > 0:17:30where Richard III is on the run from the gallant Henry Tudor.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Take it away.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Hang on! Hang on. Whoa.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Who on earth are you?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47I, Mr Shakespeare, am the ghost of Richard III,
0:17:47 > 0:17:50and I take it that that is supposed to be me.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Why have you given me a hunchback, a limp and withered arm?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56It's symbolic. It shows you were an evil, murderous king.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59But I wasn't! You just said that and everyone believed you.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- Well, you did kill the Duke of Somerset.- No, I didn't.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05You just wrote it in your play.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06The Duke of Somerset died
0:18:06 > 0:18:08when I was three years old.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Whoa! Well, three-year-olds can have a temper.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14There's a difference between throwing your food on the floor
0:18:14 > 0:18:17and stabbing a Duke through the heart.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20And then, just then, what he said, "My horse, my horse."
0:18:20 > 0:18:21"My kingdom for a horse."
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- Don't say it now. - Well, it's dramatic licence.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26It's rubbish, is what it is.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27Frankly, it'd be more realistic
0:18:27 > 0:18:30if I'd have tried to escape on a...badger.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32I'm William Shakespeare.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I write plays and I make stuff up.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37If I wrote it how it was in real life,
0:18:37 > 0:18:41it would be rubbish and boring, like school.
0:18:41 > 0:18:46Look, I just want a historically accurate rewrite,
0:18:46 > 0:18:48and I want to play myself.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54A badger, a badger, my kingdom for a badger.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59I need to use it to go and see the Duke of Somerset's grave,
0:18:59 > 0:19:03who incidentally died ages ago, when I was three.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08So there's no way I could've possibly stabbed him to death.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11I've got a hunch this play's gonna ruin me.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13I've got a hunch.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Hello and welcome to the News At When. When?
0:19:26 > 0:19:31Over 1,000 years ago, when Vikings were always invading British shores.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36Here to tell us all about it is Bob Hale, with the Viking Report. Bob.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Thank you, Sam. Well, it's 786AD
0:19:38 > 0:19:39and all calm at the moment,
0:19:39 > 0:19:42with lots of happy English people,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45or Saxons as I like to call them, spread across the whole country.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47But I'm afraid it's not going to last.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49You can see here a nasty Viking front
0:19:49 > 0:19:51sweeping in from the northeast,
0:19:51 > 0:19:54causing heavy damage to both monasteries and indeed monks,
0:19:54 > 0:19:56before heading back off to Scandinavia.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58But not for long, here they come again.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01There's lots more of them and they just won't go away.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04But luckily a strong band of Saxons, led by King Alfred,
0:20:04 > 0:20:07pushed back up across the country, creating a front here,
0:20:07 > 0:20:10with the Saxons to the south and the Vikings to the north.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12But in 920AD the Saxons say no,
0:20:12 > 0:20:14enough is enough and they retake the north,
0:20:14 > 0:20:17making the whole of England Saxon again
0:20:17 > 0:20:19and that is the end of that. Or so we thought.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20Here come those Vikings again,
0:20:20 > 0:20:23and a Saxon king called Ethelred doesn't like fighting,
0:20:23 > 0:20:25so he tries to pay them not to fight,
0:20:25 > 0:20:28but they just take his money and invade anyway.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29Those Vikings!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31And before long, the Vikings are everywhere
0:20:31 > 0:20:33and in 1017 we even get a Viking King.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Let's call him Canute, because that's his name,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38and everyone just shuts up and gets used to it.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39But not for long.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42After a whole succession of kings, some Saxon, some Viking,
0:20:42 > 0:20:44we end up with a Saxon one again,
0:20:44 > 0:20:45let's call him Harold,
0:20:45 > 0:20:46because that's his name,
0:20:46 > 0:20:48and before you know it it's 1066.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Sound familiar? Very famous.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54Viking's invade from the north, and while Harold's fighting them off,
0:20:54 > 0:20:56the Normans from France invade the south.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59They say the crown belongs to their king, William the Conqueror.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01There's a massive battle in Hastings,
0:21:01 > 0:21:03let's call it The Battle Of Hastings,
0:21:03 > 0:21:05because that's what it was called,
0:21:05 > 0:21:07and Harold gets shot in the eye
0:21:07 > 0:21:10and then cut into little pieces. Not a great day.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13However, William the Conqueror just conquers England
0:21:13 > 0:21:16and all the Saxons who were so worried about the Vikings
0:21:16 > 0:21:18end up being conquered by the Normans.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19I mean, fancy that!
0:21:19 > 0:21:21So in summary, lots of nasty men, big axes,
0:21:21 > 0:21:23just don't go outside. Back to you, Sam.
0:21:28 > 0:21:34Did you know, the cities of Dublin and Swansea were built by Vikings.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Swansea was named after the Danish King Sweyne,
0:21:37 > 0:21:42that's Sweyne Sea, cos it was Sweyne's and it's on the sea.
0:21:42 > 0:21:47The rat knows all. Good map.
0:21:47 > 0:21:53There's nowhere in Britain named after the Viking Sigurd the Mighty,
0:21:53 > 0:21:54and here's why.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true
0:22:02 > 0:22:06# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Ooh.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Next.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- Name?- Sigurd... the Mighty.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18Sigurd, full stop. Year of death?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20892AD.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Profession?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Viking ruler of mighty Orkney.
0:22:25 > 0:22:30Ruler of a tiny island off Scotland. Method of death?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Well, we Vikings had already conquered Orkney
0:22:33 > 0:22:36and we fancied somewhere a little bit bigger to conquer,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40so we invaded mainland Scotland and defeated the Scots in pitch battle.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44I took the head of my sworn enemy, Earl Maelbrigte of Moray,
0:22:44 > 0:22:49- and strapped it to my saddle as a sign of triumph.- Charming.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Unfortunately...
0:22:51 > 0:22:55- Yes?- While I was riding home, my leg brushed against the teeth
0:22:55 > 0:23:00of the severed head. The wound went septic and I died of the infection.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Bitten to death by a severed head.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Ooh, ooh, ooh...
0:23:11 > 0:23:13You're dead funny.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17ALARM BEEPS
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Yeah, I love my job sometimes.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21I do!
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Next.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #
0:23:33 > 0:23:35We Georgians came up with the idea of
0:23:35 > 0:23:38making Yorkshire puddings out of batter,
0:23:38 > 0:23:41and that's not the only bright idea we had.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Ugh, the hand is yours, sirrah.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52I win again. Huzzah!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Let's play again, Earl Sandwich,
0:23:54 > 0:23:57only this time I shall beat you, what!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00We shall soon see about that. Aha.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04Ooh, I find myself a tad peckish, old boy.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Cook!
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- Yes, your Lordship? - Fetch me some meat.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Yes, your Lordship.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Mmm, yeah.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Ah, dashed inconvenient,
0:24:16 > 0:24:21but methinks I shall have to stop playing cards in order to eat.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25Unless, uh... May I steal some of your fine bread?
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- Be my guest.- Ah, yes. I'll say.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33There, huzzah!
0:24:33 > 0:24:37The bread stops my hand from getting greasy from the meat.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Uh, ergo I can eat with one hand,
0:24:39 > 0:24:42while still playing cards with the other. Ha-ha!
0:24:42 > 0:24:46Mmm, I think you might be on to something, Earl Sandwich.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50We should name it a sandwich, after you.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54A sandwich, capital. Aha-ha. Ha-ha.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58My good cook, I would like one of Earl Sandwich's sandwiches.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Um, I'm afraid we've no more meat, sir,
0:25:01 > 0:25:04we're only got the leftovers we feed to the dogs,
0:25:04 > 0:25:08such as hooves, snouts, tails, guts, private parts...
0:25:08 > 0:25:13Oh, well, why not mince it all up, shove it into some intestines,
0:25:13 > 0:25:18boil the living daylights out of it and then stick it in a bun.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21- Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! - Of course, Baron Hotdog.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26I think I'm going to throw up, fetch me a bucket.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Certainly, Lord Turkey of Twizzler.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Yes, it really was Earl Sandwich who gave his name to the sandwich.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44But he wasn't the first person to eat things between pieces of bread.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48The Romans were doing that about 2,000 years before.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52So we should probably call it a sandwichus. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Cos that's... If you put an "us" on the end of words
0:25:55 > 0:25:59it makes them sound Roman and... Oh, please yourselves.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Posh Georgians, like Earl Sandwich, loved playing cards.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08Poor Georgians had some much weirder ways of amusing themselves.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23The answer is...
0:26:24 > 0:26:28C. The man ate a cockerel alive, feathers, entrails and all.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32And here's another horrible Georgian entertainment.
0:26:35 > 0:26:41Welcome to HHTV Sport, bringing you live sporting events from the past.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43This week we're off to the 1700s,
0:26:43 > 0:26:46when many poor people often didn't wash for months.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Their coats and wigs became infested with lice,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52which in turn led to the sport of lice racing.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Sounds disgusting? Well, it was.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58You join us here for the Chelsea Pensioner Stakes.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I like a day at the races.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04Perfect, a fine pedigree louse.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08I call him Itchy Boy, for obvious reasons.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10And they're under starters orders, and they're off.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12And it's Itchy Boy from Scratchy Lad,
0:27:12 > 0:27:15with Haven't Washed For Weeks coming up on the outside.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Urgh, get it off me!
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Itchy Boy has fallen, he's broken a leg.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21He's still got five left.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24So it's Scratchy Lad and Haven't Washed For Weeks.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27And at the line it's Itchy Boy who wins it by a head.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Congratulations.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32Thank you. But this trophy's not for me, it's for Itchy...
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Boy.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Never mind, plenty more where that came from.
0:27:44 > 0:27:45# Tall tales, atrocious acts
0:27:45 > 0:27:47# We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:27:47 > 0:27:48# The ugly truth No glam or glitz
0:27:48 > 0:27:50# We showed you all the juicy bits
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel
0:27:52 > 0:27:55# Stuff they don't teach you at school
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# The past is no longer a mystery
0:27:58 > 0:28:00# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories! #