0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians
0:00:03 > 0:00:04# Slimy Stuarts Vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:05# Woeful wars Ferocious fights
0:00:05 > 0:00:07# Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:08# Horrors that defy description
0:00:08 > 0:00:10# Cut-throat Celts or royal Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:11# Vicious Vikings, cruel crime
0:00:11 > 0:00:12# Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:14# Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless
0:00:14 > 0:00:15# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:16# Groovy Greeks, reigning sages
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Neither mix with Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Welcome to Horrible Histories! #
0:00:36 > 0:00:40In Saxon Britain, arguments between families
0:00:40 > 0:00:43could really get out of control,
0:00:43 > 0:00:47like in EastEnders, only with lots more blood.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Oh!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I am bushed.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Your dad killed my dad!
0:00:57 > 0:01:00That's only because your dad killed my uncle!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Your uncle deserved it for stealing my grandma's horse!
0:01:03 > 0:01:07That was because...because...
0:01:08 > 0:01:10You know, I can't remember that far back.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13This blood feud between our two families
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- has lasted so long, hasn't it? - It has, hasn't it?
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Anyway, your dad killed my dad and I demand revenge!
0:01:20 > 0:01:24Owww!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27I liked that arm! That was my favourite!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Right, I'm gonna show you, then.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31- OK!- Aaagh!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I'll get you for that.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Not if I get you first!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42You killed my husband!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44I demand revenge!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Oi! Did you just kill my husband?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Yeah, because he killed my husband first.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Yeah, but only because his dad killed his uncle.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Whoa, whoa! Knock, knock, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, now.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02This blood feuding is getting out of hand.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- Who are you? - I'm the king of Anglo-Saxon England.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Don't you recognise me from the coin?- Oh, my gosh!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11You're so much sweatier in person.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Well, I've just run up a hill.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Right, to stop all this feuding,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18I've come up with a new law.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20OK? It's called Weregeld.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22What it means is, if you commit a crime,
0:02:22 > 0:02:26you have to pay money to the victim or their family.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28OK? It's very, very simple.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Small crimes cost less,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33big crimes cost more.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34All right, then.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Ow! Ow, ow!
0:02:39 > 0:02:43This is...all the time...well, 100 shillings,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45so if you could pay that across.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Thanks very much.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Now get a load of this.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Right, so how much do I pay her family?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Like, 200 shillings, or something?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I don't think she's got any family left now, has she?
0:03:00 > 0:03:04And this is getting ridiculous. OK, new law.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06You have to pay the king now,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08because she hasn't got any family.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13- Thank you.- I'd complain, but I haven't got a leg to stand on.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17It's true! And 100% accurate.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22The Weregeld Law meant if you killed someone, you had to pay their family.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27If you just hurt them a bit, you only had to pay for the bit you'd hurt.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30So, cut off a big toe, that's 20 shillings.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Cut off a nose, 60 shillings. Wonder how much it is if you cut off a tail?
0:03:34 > 0:03:39Bet the three blind mice were never paid by the farmer's wife.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Saxons really were a vicious bunch,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44and they were very superstitious, too.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Welcome to Anglo-Saxon Ghost Hunt.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50This week, I'm with Ethel Burger, of Norwich.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53She's found something spooky in her hut.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- Come on.- This way.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59- Come on. Shh.- Oo-ooh!- Ooh!
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Where's that coming from? OK.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Whose ashes are in this jar?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08That's my husband.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10He was killed by the Vikings.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12OK. You had him cremated, then?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Yes, and he's haunting me.- OK.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Don't worry. That's why I'm here, all right?
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Oo-ooo!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Don't worry!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23He's trying to talk to me, OK?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26He's trying to talk to me. Sorry, I can't quite hear.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28What's that?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- Let me out!- All right, OK.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32As every Anglo-Saxon knows,
0:04:32 > 0:04:36what you should have done is put a hole in the side of the jar,
0:04:36 > 0:04:40because when dead spirits find themselves confined in jars,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42they get a bit cross.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44So, just put a hole in there.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Right.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48That's probably why he's haunting you.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Whoooo!
0:04:50 > 0:04:51SCREAMS
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Shh! Don't be afraid.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Where's that coming from? Who's in there?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58That's my uncle, Athelrick.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00He was killed by Vikings, too.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- OK, here's an idea.- Right.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Dead spirits like to have a bit of a natter,
0:05:05 > 0:05:06just like we do.
0:05:06 > 0:05:11So what we'll do is, we're just gonna mix up the ashes, like that.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15So they can have a little natter now. OK, there! Problem is solved.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17The haunting has stopped.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19That's a great relief! Oh, phew.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23What you should have done to avoid all this bother,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26when they die, just chop their heads off.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28It's a well-known Anglo-Saxon fact
0:05:28 > 0:05:30that if you chop their heads off when they die,
0:05:30 > 0:05:32they won't haunt you.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Is that true?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Only one way to find out! Aaagh!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Oh! Don't worry, don't worry.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Don't worry, it's a ghost.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41It's only a g...
0:05:42 > 0:05:46It's not a ghost, it's an actual Viking. Aaagh! Mummy!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Grub's up, it's Ready Steady Feast!
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Today's guest is a Victorian gentleman
0:06:02 > 0:06:05with the most unusual diet in history.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10He's eaten stewed bluebottles, squirrel pie,
0:06:10 > 0:06:14mouse on toast, he's even eaten roast giraffe.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17What is he going to bring along today?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Please welcome Dr William Buckland.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Good day to you, madam,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23and may I say it's a deep honour for me
0:06:23 > 0:06:26to be on your esteemed entertainment programme.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29I only hope I live up to your splendiferous introduction.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Is that Victorian for hello?- Yes.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36Great, hello back. What ingredients have you brought for us to cook?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I didn't want to shock anyone,
0:06:38 > 0:06:42so I brought items that I would eat on an average evening.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Here is my first item.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48- A grey sock? - No, an elephant's trunk.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Delicious roasted.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54For my second item, I've brought along a sauce.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58I'm sure your audience already have a bottle of this in their larders.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- Oh, smells a bit nutty. - Yes, it's bat's urine.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05My third item,
0:07:05 > 0:07:07I've got a rare French delicacy.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11- Truffles?- More rare. - What's rarer than truffles?
0:07:11 > 0:07:15The heart of King Louis XIV. Yummy.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- That can't really be...- Oh, it is.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19It's the mummified heart
0:07:19 > 0:07:21of the former king of France.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Stolen from his tomb
0:07:22 > 0:07:24and bought by me. A delicacy.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Disgusting. Dread to think what's next.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Still, what could be worse than a 100-year-old human heart?
0:07:30 > 0:07:36For my final item, I've brought along a pound of sprouts.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Sprouts? That IS disgusting.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Mmm. Grub's up! - No sprouts here, sunshine.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Put them back in your little bag.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- I've got some panther... - I don't want your panther.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51William Buckland really did eat all those things,
0:07:51 > 0:07:55as well as alligator, roast ostrich and a mole.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Just imagine him doing a bushtucker trial, eh?
0:07:58 > 0:08:02"Mmm, this is delicious. Got any more dried maggots?"
0:08:21 > 0:08:25The answer is, he had all three.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27He really was a potty Victorian,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and he wasn't the only one.
0:08:32 > 0:08:37# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true
0:08:37 > 0:08:42# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you! #
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Next!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- Name?- Matthew Webb.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Year of death?
0:08:50 > 0:08:521883.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- Profession?- Professional swimmer.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58I'll just put "unemployed".
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Method of death?
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Well, I was the first man to swim the English Channel in 1875,
0:09:04 > 0:09:08and I became quite the Victorian celebrity,
0:09:08 > 0:09:11participating in exhibition swimming matches
0:09:11 > 0:09:15and floating in a tank of water for 128 hours.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I even wrote a book.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19The Art Of Swimming.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24Hmm. So, method of death - water related, perchance?
0:09:24 > 0:09:28I thought I'd go one better than swimming the Channel,
0:09:28 > 0:09:30so I tried to swim across some rapids.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Hmm. And where were these rapids, exactly?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Underneath Niagara Falls.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Niagara Falls?- It wasn't pretty.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:09:42 > 0:09:43I bet it wasn't!
0:09:45 > 0:09:50- You plonker!- Well, anyway, that's for you. I signed that for you.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Ooh, thank you. Burn it!
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Next!
0:09:56 > 0:10:01# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you! #
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Some women did their bit for the war effort
0:10:08 > 0:10:11by working in munitions factories,
0:10:11 > 0:10:15making things like grenades, ammunition and bombs.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Working in a munitions factory can be hard work,
0:10:25 > 0:10:29so when I go out at the end of the day, I like to look my best.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33I always steal deadly high explosives from the production line
0:10:33 > 0:10:35and use it to dye my hair.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39A little TNT can really liven up your locks,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42transforming you from a brunette to a blonde.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46I never knew I could look this good!
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Here's the science bit.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52TNT's the abbreviated name for the chemical compound trinitrotoluene.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56It's used in bombs to blow things to kingdom come.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59It'll bleach your hair, but it can turn your skin yellow, too.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Now I'm blonde all over!
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Thanks, TNT.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Hey, I'm a real blonde bombshell!
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Even though many women
0:11:14 > 0:11:17genuinely used TNT to bleach their hair during the war,
0:11:17 > 0:11:20putting high explosive on your head is ill-advised
0:11:20 > 0:11:21and could result in death.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Dodgy war inventions, number 16.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29The First World War's Zeppelin airship.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Zeppelins were basically massive gas balloons with engines,
0:11:32 > 0:11:37designed by the Germans to drop bombs on British cities.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38They were brilliant,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42because their enormous size meant they could carry loads of bombs.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45But there was one small problem.
0:11:45 > 0:11:51Their enormous size also meant they were almost impossible to miss.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54IN GERMAN ACCENT:
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Does anybody have some chewing gum and a bicycle pump?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Right, how are we feeling?
0:12:19 > 0:12:23I'm not any better. I really need to see a doctor.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26I know, but our best doctors are off sick,
0:12:26 > 0:12:31and I'm afraid that just leaves Dr Hippocrates, the ancient Greek.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Yes, yes, sorry I'm late.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Let's get started, shall we?
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Hello, I'm Dr Hippocrates, father of medicine,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43on transfer from the year 400BC.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44What seems to be the problem?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Well, I've got a bit of a cough and I've got a terrible pain in my chest.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Hmm. Have you been violently shaken up and down, at all?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- No.- Why on earth not?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Nurse, shake this woman violently up and down.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00If you hear a splashing sound, she has lung disease.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02If not, apologise and put her down.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Yes, Doctor.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Hello, my name's Dr Hippocrates. What seems to be the problem?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16I've got a nasty gash on my arm.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20It doesn't seem to be healing. I'm just worried it might be infected.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Hmm. I think we might have to run a few tests.
0:13:23 > 0:13:28First of all, I'll need a sample from the wound itself.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33- Oh!- Then I'll need a sample of your earwax.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Ow!
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Couple of nice fresh bogies.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Of course, last but by no means least,
0:13:45 > 0:13:47a sample
0:13:47 > 0:13:49of your wee-wee.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Um, how long will it take for the results to come back?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Oh, I should say about 10-15 seconds.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07GARGLING
0:14:10 > 0:14:13The good news is, I don't think there's any infection.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Great. What's the bad news?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18I'm going to be sick.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20RETCHING
0:14:23 > 0:14:27You know what I'd call a mixture of blood, earwax, bogey and wee?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Lunch!
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Of course, Hippocrates didn't really drink all that in one go.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36That would have been quite disgusting.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38He had them one at a time,
0:14:38 > 0:14:41which makes it OK, I'm sure you'll agree.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45All doctors still have to take the Hippocratic oath,
0:14:45 > 0:14:47named after Hippocrates.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50And he's not the only Greek who gave his name to things.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52There was also Alexander the Great,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56a great military leader who conquered countries and founded cities.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01So what should we call this new city, oh, Alexander?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Hmm?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Sorry, oh, Alexander The Great. - Yeah.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11I think we should call it...
0:15:14 > 0:15:19..Alexandria, after our great and powerful leader.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Where is he? Where is he?
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Where is he? There he is.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31Well, you have founded a whole chain of cities from Greece to India.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Indeed I have.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34And you named this one Alexandria.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- Uh-huh.- And you named this one Alexandria, didn't you?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- Mmm.- Then there's Alexandria.- Yeah.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41- Alexandria...- Yeah.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Further east, there's Alexandria.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Let's not forget Alexandria.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48No. Well, that's the thing.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51I think it might be getting a bit confusing, don't you?
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Could we perhaps name this new one after someone else?
0:15:54 > 0:16:00OK, I am the greatest military commander that ever lived.
0:16:00 > 0:16:06I have conquered the known world and I am barely 26 years old.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Perhaps when you've found your own city, you can name it after yourself.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15You could call it...Skinny-man-dria.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19But since I'm founding them,
0:16:19 > 0:16:23I'd like to call it Alexandria. OK?
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Yes, sir.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34No, actually do you know what?
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Perhaps you're right.
0:16:35 > 0:16:40A great military ruler also listens to his advisors.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42It is getting a bit confusing.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44I think we should call it Iskenderun.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Iskenderun, great.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Why Iskenderun?
0:16:48 > 0:16:49It's Turkish.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Is it Turkish for Alexandria?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Yes.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- Thought so.- OK.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Hello and welcome to the News At When. When?
0:17:10 > 0:17:15The Roman era, a time when Rome was the most powerful city in the world,
0:17:15 > 0:17:21and who ruled Rome became a question of life or death, literally.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Here to explain more is Bob Hale, with the Roman Report.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Bob.- Thank you, Sam.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Well, you may have heard Rome wasn't built in a day, and it wasn't.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32In fact, it took them a whole year.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34The year 753BC, to be precise,
0:17:34 > 0:17:37and there it is, slap bang in the middle of Italy.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Rome is founded, and it starts as a kingdom, which means it needs a king.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45And there he is. In fact, there were several right up until 510BC,
0:17:45 > 0:17:48when we get one called Tarquin - no, don't laugh
0:17:48 > 0:17:49- and he's a terrible bully.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52So bad, in fact, that the Romans get rid of him.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Not just him, but kings altogether.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Crikey. Rome becomes a republic.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Which means it's now ruled by the senate, 300 elected senators,
0:18:01 > 0:18:04which makes it a democracy, a bit like our parliament,
0:18:04 > 0:18:05but with a lot less shouting.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08And the busy senators have a massive empire to run,
0:18:08 > 0:18:11so they appoint people to do stuff for them,
0:18:11 > 0:18:14lawmakers and governors and praetors and quaestors and aediles
0:18:14 > 0:18:17and all sorts of other people with silly sounding jobs,
0:18:17 > 0:18:20until Julius Caesar turns up and says, "Whoa!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22"There's too many of you and your jobs sound silly.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25"Why not just have one person in charge of everything?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27"Someone like, ooh, I don't know, me!"
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Yes, Julius Caesar becomes dictator.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32He keeps the senate but, basically, he's in charge.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Bit like a headmaster, but with a lot less shouting.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Then Caesar gets murdered.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38And a fellow called Augustus takes over
0:18:38 > 0:18:41and decides the senate is still too powerful,
0:18:41 > 0:18:45so he makes himself emperor, and says the senate can only give him advice.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47And being emperor is a great job.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50There's banquets and power and helicopters and money,
0:18:50 > 0:18:54except not helicopters. And it's so great that everyone wants to be one.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57People start queueing up to be next. If they get bored of queueing,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00they just kill the current emperor and take over. Brilliant!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Until someone kills them, and someone kills them,
0:19:03 > 0:19:05and...well, you get the picture.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07There's a lot of dead emperors.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09If we look at the emperorometer,
0:19:09 > 0:19:12we can see that in 193AD, there were five different emperors,
0:19:13 > 0:19:16a whopping six in the year 238AD
0:19:16 > 0:19:18and, between 238 and 285AD,
0:19:18 > 0:19:23there were no less than 25 different Roman emperors.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27And their names were Gordian and Gordian and Maximus and Balbinus
0:19:27 > 0:19:32and Gordian and Decius and Sabinianus and Iatopabainius...
0:19:32 > 0:19:34HE STARTS SINGING "MACARENA"
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Hey, Macarena!
0:19:40 > 0:19:41Back to you, Sam.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42HE CARRIES ON SINGING
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Some of our Roman emperors were pretty crazy,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52and Emperor Caligula was one of the craziest.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55You should have heard his speeches.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Hail Caligula, Emperor of Rome.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Ah, Josephus, who am I?
0:20:04 > 0:20:10- Caligula.- No, I'm the famous Greek general, Alexander The Great.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12This is his real armour and everything.
0:20:12 > 0:20:18I had them dig up his grave so I could wear it. Oh, look, a worm.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Hello, wormy.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22"Hello, general".
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I've been sent to help you with this speech.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29We're a little concerned you might come over a bit...crazy.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Caligula, crazy?
0:20:31 > 0:20:36I'm not crazy, I just have a great sense of humour.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Did you hear about the sacrifice of the bulls the other day?
0:20:39 > 0:20:44Yes. You hit the priest with the hammer and sacrificed him instead.
0:20:44 > 0:20:50Ha ha! That's still funny. So anyway, what's wrong with the speech?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Well, take the beginning.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Ah, yes. My big opening.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00"I, Caligula am a god.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02"I only have to nod,
0:21:02 > 0:21:06"and all your throats will be cut."
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Right. How about starting with hello?
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Oh. Really? All right.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16"Hello.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21"Rome is just a city of necks waiting for me to chop!"
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Yeah(!)
0:21:23 > 0:21:26It's good... how about,
0:21:26 > 0:21:30"Hello, it's great to be here in Rome. What a city."
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Hmm, so you'd lose the whole chopping necks thing completely?
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I wouldn't start with it.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Hmm, I thought they'd love that. You liked it, didn't you, wormy?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42"Yes, I did, I thought it was wonderful."
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Good old wormy. Oh, well...
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Never mind.
0:21:47 > 0:21:53Um, how about if I just say, "Hello, it's great to be here in Rome.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55"What a city!
0:21:55 > 0:21:57"Thank you all for coming."
0:21:57 > 0:22:00They might not think I'm crazy.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Yeah. By the way, what is the occasion?
0:22:03 > 0:22:08Oh, I'm making my dear friend Incitatus a consul.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- Well, there's nothing crazy about that.- No, he is my favourite horse.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14He's a good horse, isn't he, wormy?
0:22:14 > 0:22:18"No, I don't like him." How dare you!
0:22:18 > 0:22:23"Let me out!" No, bad wormy. Dirty wormy.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42The answer is...A.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46Incitatus the horse was fed oats mixed with flakes of gold.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51He also had 18 servants and a stable the size of a palace.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Our Tudor queen, Elizabeth I,
0:22:59 > 0:23:04just loved making up nicknames for people.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Pygmy!
0:23:05 > 0:23:11Pygmy! Ah, there you are, Pygmy.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Yes, I do wish you wouldn't call me that, Your Majesty.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18You could just call me Robert or Cecil,
0:23:18 > 0:23:22or Robert Cecil. Or indeed, First Minister.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24But you know how I love nicknames, Pygmy.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I give all my favourite courtiers nicknames, Pygmy.
0:23:27 > 0:23:33And anyway, Pygmy suits you, Pygmy, because you're so short and ugly.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Bravo! Such wit!
0:23:35 > 0:23:40And why did you call for your First Minister, Majesty?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Is it a matter of national importance?
0:23:42 > 0:23:49- Indeed. I seek your counsel on a most pressing international issue.- Really?
0:23:49 > 0:23:54My new French friend, the Duke of Alencon, needs a nickname.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58Oui, oui, I demand my own nickname.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03Usually I'm so good at coming up with nicknames, aren't I, Water?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Oh, indeed you are, my queen.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10When I first introduced myself as dashing explorer, Walter Raleigh,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13you cleverly noticed that with my West Country accent,
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I don't pronounce my Ls properly.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20So instead of Walter Raleigh, he became Water Raleigh.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Water Raleigh! Inspired.
0:24:22 > 0:24:27So now, my French friend needs a nickname.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30That's it.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32I think I have it.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34I shall call you Frog.
0:24:34 > 0:24:41Frog, because I am French! Formidable.
0:24:41 > 0:24:46No, Frog, because your skin is so horrid and slimy, like a frog's.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47Only worse.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Those are all real nicknames Elizabeth used for her friends.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Some were pretty nasty,
0:24:54 > 0:24:57but it was worse if she didn't give you a nickname.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59It meant she didn't like you,
0:24:59 > 0:25:02and you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of Liz. Oh!
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Tudors love chopping people's heads off.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09And this week in Oh, Yea! magazine, it's our execution special.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12We've got exclusive pictures of the execution order
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Queen Elizabeth signed for her own cousin, Mary, Queen Of Scots.
0:25:16 > 0:25:21Also this week, My Axe Shame, by Mary's executioner.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Oh, no. I let the big occasion get to me, I'm afraid.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29I kept hitting her head and the shoulders instead of her neck.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31But luckily, the story has a happy ending.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I sawed through her neck gristle.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Result!
0:25:35 > 0:25:38And don't miss our exclusive survey -
0:25:38 > 0:25:40which Tudor monarch is the meanest,
0:25:40 > 0:25:42or are they all just as bad as each other?
0:25:42 > 0:25:46That's all in this week's Oh, Yea! magazine.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52SONG:
0:26:27 > 0:26:31Just popping out to chop some wives.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Oi! That's me you're talking about.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# Tall tales, atrocious acts
0:27:52 > 0:27:53# We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# The ugly truth, no glam or glitz
0:27:55 > 0:27:56# We chose you all the juicy bits
0:27:56 > 0:27:59# Gory, ghastly Mean and cruel
0:27:59 > 0:28:02# Stuff they don't teach you at school
0:28:02 > 0:28:04# The past is no longer a mystery
0:28:04 > 0:28:06# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #
0:28:06 > 0:28:09E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk