0:00:02 > 0:00:05# Gorgeous Georgians, slimy Stuarts Wild Victorians, woeful wars
0:00:05 > 0:00:08# Dingy castles, daring knights Horrors that defy description
0:00:08 > 0:00:12# Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Roman rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:23# Gory stories - we do that And your host - a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:32# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Measly Middle Ages.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40We had some pretty weird beliefs in the Middle Ages,
0:00:40 > 0:00:42I mean, some people believe
0:00:42 > 0:00:45they should go around the place whipping themselves.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Weird or what?
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Argh!
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Arg!
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Ooh.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Give us ya money!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Or I'll whack you with my cudgel!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59You'll hit me with your cudgel? What sort of a threat is that?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02I'm whipping myself with a steel-tipped whip here.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Ah, now look what you made me do.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I'm supposed to be abstaining from talking,
0:01:06 > 0:01:10I'm gonna have to whip myself again now as punishment. Argh!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Why aren't you supposed to talk?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Because I'm a flagellant.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I'm atoning for my sins by wandering from town to town
0:01:17 > 0:01:19silently whipping meself,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21I've opened me gob again now.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Argh.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Well, whipping or no whipping, give us your money or I'll, I'll...
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Yes? Argh!
0:01:28 > 0:01:31I'll hit you with this cudgel, and I'll cut your feet off
0:01:31 > 0:01:33and gouge your eyes out.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Well, that might be quite helpful actually.- What?
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Well, like I say, I'm a flagellant, I'm trying to suffer as Jesus did
0:01:40 > 0:01:42so that God'll save my soul,
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I'm thinking the more suffering, the better, so do your worst. Ooh!
0:01:46 > 0:01:50If you won't give me your money, I'll just have to help meself.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Argh! Agh! That's disgusting!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Yeah, I know, as well as the whipping,
0:01:55 > 0:01:59we flagellants are also forbidden to wash, shave or change our clothes.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- Ooh.- You're not right in the 'ead.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Ere, hang on, you haven't even got any money!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Nah, that's the other thing about us flagellants,
0:02:11 > 0:02:14we believe money to be the root of all evil.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Ooh! So I'm penniless.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21Oh, what's the point, I'm a hopeless thief.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Well, why don't you give it up?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Aye? Come on the road with me.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26It'll mean you'll go to heaven.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31You're on, I am a sinner.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Argh. Oh, how long do I have to do this for?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Well, Jesus lived for 33 and a third years,
0:02:38 > 0:02:41so we'll keep this up for 33 and a third days.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- 33 and a third days? - No talking in front!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Ow! Ow! Ow!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Ow! Ow!
0:02:50 > 0:02:55Flagellants were around during the Black Death of the 1340s,
0:02:55 > 0:02:57they believed it was a punishment from God,
0:02:57 > 0:02:59so they punished themselves,
0:02:59 > 0:03:02in the hope that God would stop punishing them!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Mind you, Black Death or whipping yourself?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Whipping yourself or Black Death? I'm not sure which I prefer.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12In the Middle Ages they also believed
0:03:12 > 0:03:14you could cure the Black Death by what?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27The answer is...
0:03:27 > 0:03:29all three.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33People in the Middle Ages believed some really weird stuff.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Today on The Made-up Planet,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38we're looking at some monsters that explorers
0:03:38 > 0:03:42from the Middle Ages claimed to have spotted on their travels.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Not knowing any better, people of the time believed they were real.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51There's one now, the monopod, a one-legged giant,
0:03:51 > 0:03:54he's using his one huge foot as a sunshade.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Foot keeps sun off face all right,
0:03:57 > 0:04:02but now bottom of foot burned, ow!
0:04:02 > 0:04:06'And how privileged we are to see one of these.'
0:04:06 > 0:04:10A Blemiyeh, supposedly one of a race of headless men.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Obviously being headless does have its drawbacks.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17DOG BARKS
0:04:17 > 0:04:22What's this? Yes, the unmistakable bark of a dog...
0:04:22 > 0:04:24headed man.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26That's a canocephali.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Claimed by explorers from the Middle Ages to be found in India.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Ruff! Ruff!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35And what a stroke of luck!
0:04:35 > 0:04:40The bonnacon, a giant bull that uses projectile dung as a weapon.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Yeugh! Argh!
0:04:43 > 0:04:49Actually that's quite soothing on sunburn.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Join us next week on The Made-up Planet for more made-up creatures
0:04:54 > 0:04:56that never really existed.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Though it would have been fun if they had.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Ooh...
0:05:00 > 0:05:02nice.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Now I know those creatures sound pretty silly,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10but most of the world was still unexplored in the Middle Ages,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12so people really did believe
0:05:12 > 0:05:14strange things lived in lands they'd never been to.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18I mean they even thought there was a, a huge monster in, wait for it,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Loch Ness! I mean, who'd think that, eh?
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Who'd think there was a monster in Loch Ness?!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I mean, what crazy people would think that?!
0:05:26 > 0:05:27HE LAUGHS
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Who?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Oh, OK. Each to their own.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Vile Victorians.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39In Victorian Britain, many poor children were sent
0:05:39 > 0:05:40to work in factories,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43which were very, very dangerous places to be.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Good day.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Aaaargh!
0:05:52 > 0:05:56This morning I was involved in an accident at work.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I lost two fingers,
0:05:58 > 0:06:00so I contacted Victorian Claims Direct
0:06:00 > 0:06:03to see if I could claim some money from my injuries.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06They said no and I got no money at all.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09'That's right, he got zero compensation.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13'Yes, zero compensation!'
0:06:13 > 0:06:14But I did get...
0:06:14 > 0:06:18The sack! He can't work properly with no fingers.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Have you been working 12 hours a day since the age of five
0:06:22 > 0:06:24in a factory and been injured at work?
0:06:24 > 0:06:29Then you too could be line for zero compensation.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32This nine-year old works in a factory making chains,
0:06:32 > 0:06:35wielding that huge hammer all day, every day.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Now I'm crippled for life.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40He got zero compensation.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43This seven-year-old girl has spent five years
0:06:43 > 0:06:46turning a weaving loom 12 hours a day in a ribbon factory.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Now I can't walk, but thanks to Victorian Claims Direct
0:06:50 > 0:06:51I got nothing.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56That's right, she too got zero compensation.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00This 11-year-old child has had an unfortunate accident with nails.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02That's no accident, I hammered 'em in,
0:07:02 > 0:07:06that'll teach him for not working hard enough in my nail factory!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08And he got, you guessed it -
0:07:08 > 0:07:11zero compensation.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15So if you too are a Victorian child and you've had an accident at work,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18bad luck, you're stuffed.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Victorian Claims Direct,
0:07:20 > 0:07:25we guarantee zero compensation and no money back.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31Of course not all children had to work in Victorian factories,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33some were made to clean our chimneys.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36So what seems to be the problem?
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Her ladyship believes
0:07:37 > 0:07:40there may be some sort of blockage in the chimney.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Mm, right, well let's have a look-see, shall we?
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Oh, yeah, yeah, there's definitely something blocking it.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Not to worry though, I think a number six should clear it.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Number six.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Yes, guv.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Get up there.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Right-ho.- Remember what I told you.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Try not to die.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03That's the spirit, yeah.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Nice clock.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- I think I've found the blockage. - Oh, good boy.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16BLOCKAGE RUMBLES
0:08:16 > 0:08:19COUGHING
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Yeah, just as I thought, you had a bit of chimney sweep stuck up there.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Yeah, I think we got it all out now.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Hang on, guv, there's a bit more 'ere.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32COUGHING
0:08:32 > 0:08:35HE COUGHS
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Oh, dear.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Cor! Something else is jammed up here pretty good.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44Problem is see, unlike, say, your screwdriver or your spanner,
0:08:44 > 0:08:47your chimney sweep has an annoying tendency of growing older
0:08:47 > 0:08:48and getting bigger.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Once they start getting jammed up there,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53you've gotta replace 'em, mate.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Oh, I think I've got it.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56RUMBLING
0:09:01 > 0:09:04No-one saw a thing.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Is he one of yours?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10No, guv.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13The Victorians made children do all sorts of jobs,
0:09:13 > 0:09:16but they also invented lots of technology -
0:09:16 > 0:09:18electricity, the railway,
0:09:18 > 0:09:22steel ships, the car, the radio, postage stamps, movies,
0:09:22 > 0:09:26the light bulb and the first ever telephone.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Ha! Presumably the phone number was easy to remember,
0:09:29 > 0:09:31cos it would only be one.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Gorgeous Georgians.
0:09:39 > 0:09:46# A gorgeous Georgian lady is quite a sight to see
0:09:46 > 0:09:50# For some splendid beauty tips
0:09:50 > 0:09:53# Pay attention, listen to me
0:09:56 > 0:10:00# White is beautiful, dear ladies
0:10:00 > 0:10:03# Smear your face with paint of lead
0:10:03 > 0:10:06# Never mind the lead has made
0:10:06 > 0:10:10# The men who mixed it ill or dead
0:10:12 > 0:10:15# Take some silk of red or black
0:10:15 > 0:10:19# Cut a circle or a crescent
0:10:19 > 0:10:24# Stick it to your face to cover smallpox scars
0:10:24 > 0:10:27# It's much more pleasant
0:10:27 > 0:10:31# Shave your eyebrows clean away
0:10:31 > 0:10:34# Take a trap and catch some mice
0:10:34 > 0:10:38# Make false eyebrows with the mouse skin
0:10:38 > 0:10:42# Stick them on - you'll look so nice
0:10:42 > 0:10:43# Squeak! Squeak!
0:10:45 > 0:10:48# Next you need a monster wig
0:10:48 > 0:10:52# If you want to look real smashing
0:10:52 > 0:10:55# When your wig has reached the roof
0:10:55 > 0:11:00# Then you'll be the height of fashion
0:11:01 > 0:11:03# Decorate your lovely hair piece
0:11:03 > 0:11:08# Use the feathers of a parrot
0:11:08 > 0:11:11# Add some ribbons, fruit and flowers
0:11:11 > 0:11:15# From your ear then hang a carrot
0:11:16 > 0:11:20# Make your face look soft and chubby
0:11:20 > 0:11:24# Pack your mouths with balls of cork
0:11:24 > 0:11:27# Hang your false teeth in the middle
0:11:27 > 0:11:31# Hope you don't choke when you talk
0:11:33 > 0:11:36# Now you've followed my advice
0:11:36 > 0:11:40# Last of all you need a fan
0:11:40 > 0:11:44# Flutter it oh, so demurely
0:11:44 > 0:11:48# Then you're sure to bag your man. #
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Argh!
0:11:51 > 0:11:56Do you want to know how poor Georgians made themselves look good?
0:11:56 > 0:11:59They didn't, ha! Horrid smelly peasants.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01They couldn't have been more different
0:12:01 > 0:12:04from us nice Georgian posh people.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08This is Lord and Lady Posh from the manor.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Hello. We're very, very, very rich.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15And they're doing a wife swap with...
0:12:15 > 0:12:17the Peasant family of Poorville.
0:12:17 > 0:12:22Hello. We're very, very, very hungry.
0:12:22 > 0:12:27So how will these two very different Georgian classes get on?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Show me to my bedroom, poor person.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43Er, this is your bedroom and our bedroom,
0:12:43 > 0:12:46and the living room, kitchen and dining room.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Oh...
0:12:49 > 0:12:52and where pray is the toilet?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Well, there's a hole in the ground out back.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56THUD!
0:12:57 > 0:12:59You all right?
0:12:59 > 0:13:04And things don't get off to a much better start in the mansion.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Arh, you must be Mrs Peasant.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Mm...
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Enchante.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Ew.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28It's dinner time in the Peasant household.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32I am absolutely starving, I haven't eaten anything for nearly an hour,
0:13:32 > 0:13:33what's for dinner?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Oh, the usual...
0:13:35 > 0:13:36nothing.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Why's your girl staring at my hair? It is quite unnerving.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I think you've got some food in it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:50That fruit is decoration my girl, hmm, hmm!
0:13:50 > 0:13:53I swear, I had more fruit in my hair this morning,
0:13:53 > 0:13:57that little scamp has stolen an apple,
0:13:57 > 0:14:02now I shall have a word with the judge in the morning and erm,
0:14:02 > 0:14:03have her hanged.
0:14:03 > 0:14:08Dinner time in the posh house, is a very different affair.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Do you know, I spend more on grapes every day
0:14:11 > 0:14:13than you probably earn in a month.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15But we don't earn anything in a month,
0:14:15 > 0:14:18not since you were given ownership of the common land.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20The Enclosures Act, yeah.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23What a wonderful piece of legislation,
0:14:23 > 0:14:27I must remember to congratulate my close friend the Prime Minister.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30But we poor people have got no fields left to work!
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Ohh... That is a sad story,
0:14:33 > 0:14:37would you like my private 27-piece orchestra to play you something sad?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Orchestra, play something sad!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Now, do go on.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48I never thought I'd say this about the Lord of the Manor,
0:14:48 > 0:14:53but I'm starting to think in actual fact, he's not really very nice.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57It's time for the Lord and Lady of the Manor
0:14:57 > 0:15:00and the peasants of the village to settle their differences.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03And we really had no idea the terrible conditions
0:15:03 > 0:15:05in which you peasants live.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07I see, me Lady.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11So my wife and I have decided to do something about it.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14We're going to flatten your entire village.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16What?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Well, it is quite an eyesore,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22and it really rather ruins our nice country views.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Mm.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28You can tootle off to town and die working in a mill or something.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30SHE CRIES
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Oh, no, you're upset.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Oh, dear.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Orchestra, play something sad.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Oh, dear, dear, dear.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45No crying. No crying.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50HE LAUGHS
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Rich people really did that kind of thing in Georgian times.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57The Duke of Chandos really had his own private orchestra,
0:15:57 > 0:15:59and the Earl of Carlisle
0:15:59 > 0:16:02had a whole village flattened just because it ruined his view.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03HE LAUGHS
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Do you know, I've been thinking of having that sofa flattened,
0:16:07 > 0:16:10so I can see exactly what has been left out in the kitchen.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Potty Pioneers.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17True or false?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33It's...
0:16:33 > 0:16:34false.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37He dropped like a stone, he broke numerous bones,
0:16:37 > 0:16:41but survived, unlike this potty pioneer.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true
0:16:48 > 0:16:53# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Next.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59- Name?- Franz Reichelt.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Oh, year of death?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- 1912.- Profession?
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Austrian tailor and inventor.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Method of death, ooh, let me guess, one of your inventions?
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Well, yes, this one actually, the fabulous coat parachute,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18half coat, half parachute.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Mm. So what happened?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Well, I wanted to test the coat parachute,
0:17:24 > 0:17:26from the first deck of the Eifel Tower,
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I told the authorities, I'd use a dummy,
0:17:29 > 0:17:32but I was so confident it would work,
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I actually tested it on myself.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35And?
0:17:35 > 0:17:37It didn't work.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Let me guess...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41HE WHISTLES Splat!
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Basically...
0:17:43 > 0:17:44but with more screaming.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48HE LAUGHS
0:17:51 > 0:17:53A coat parachute!
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Well, at least the coat bit worked!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00The coat bit...
0:18:00 > 0:18:01You're dead funny.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Next.
0:18:09 > 0:18:15# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Rotten Romans.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21When the Romans were at war,
0:18:21 > 0:18:24they sometimes used slaves to row their warships,
0:18:24 > 0:18:25which were called galleys,
0:18:25 > 0:18:29imagine what the conditions in that job must have been like.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Good afternoon, can I have your attention please?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you slaves
0:18:38 > 0:18:41aboard this Roman galley destined for Carthage.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44And I'd just like to go through a few safety procedures.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Please ensure your chains are fastened at all times
0:18:50 > 0:18:53throughout the journey, they do up like so.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57And should be tightened until they are extremely painful.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01Lovely.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04In the very likely event of an emergency,
0:19:04 > 0:19:06and we are rammed by an enemy ship,
0:19:06 > 0:19:10the emergency exit's are here, here and here,
0:19:10 > 0:19:12but they are just for us Romans.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15And to help speed up our evacuation,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17please ensure that all your possessions
0:19:17 > 0:19:19have already been stolen by the Roman Army.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23And as the ship sinks slowly beneath the waves,
0:19:23 > 0:19:27please tug desperately at your chains like so.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Help! Help!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34It just remains for me to thank you for choosing to travel
0:19:34 > 0:19:35with the Roman Navy,
0:19:35 > 0:19:37not that you had any choice,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39and I hope you have a very enjoyable voyage.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- 'Scuse me, miss.- What?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Where's the toilets?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Well, just go where you're sitting.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47At least there's no queues, eh, mate?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Oh, less chat and more rowing, yes?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Dodgy War inventions,
0:19:56 > 0:19:58number seven.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02The Roman catapult, called an onager,
0:20:02 > 0:20:07the onager was a catapult made of wood, which used leather ropes.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Wound up like a rubber band to lob rocks and flaming missiles
0:20:10 > 0:20:13long distances.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Brilliant, but there was one small problem.
0:20:20 > 0:20:25Leather goes all floppy when it's wet, so the ropes didn't work
0:20:25 > 0:20:26in the rain.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29All right, own up,
0:20:29 > 0:20:33whose clever idea was it to invade Britain in February?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Oi, drummer guy,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43do you know any other tunes?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Try this one out.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48FASTER DRUMMING
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Me and my big mouth.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Frightful First World War.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Time again for our fairy tale series,
0:21:00 > 0:21:04where all the stories are retold in different historical settings.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Today, The Old Woman Who Lived In The Shoe -
0:21:07 > 0:21:09The First World War Version.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
0:21:12 > 0:21:16she had so many children, she didn't know what to do,
0:21:16 > 0:21:21but the boot they lived in belonged to a World War I soldier
0:21:21 > 0:21:22and in the First World War,
0:21:22 > 0:21:26soldiers used to wee on their boots to soften the leather.
0:21:30 > 0:21:36And so the old woman and all her children always stank of wee.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37The end.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Weeing on our boots was a bit yucky
0:21:40 > 0:21:44but we had more important things to worry about in the terrible trenches,
0:21:44 > 0:21:50where just to survive we needed all the luck we could get.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54All right men, this is it, we're going over the top.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57We climb out of the trench, run through the deep mud,
0:21:57 > 0:21:58over the barbed wire
0:21:58 > 0:22:01and charge headlong at the enemy's machine guns.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04That sounds like sheer suicide. What happens if we refuse?
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- You'll be shot for cowardice. - Ready when you are, Sir.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10OK, on my command.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Oh, no, hang on.
0:22:12 > 0:22:18Almost forgot my soft felt cap. Ooh, that could have been nasty,
0:22:18 > 0:22:21OK, cha-a-arge!
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Come on, Billy, what you doing?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Looking for my four-leaf clover.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- What?- I'm not gonna go run at a German machine gun
0:22:33 > 0:22:38without my lucky four-leaf clover. Oh, hang on, here it is, I found it.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I've got to check I've got my lucky Bible.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42It's strapped to your helmet.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45No, that's not me lucky Bible, this is me lucky Bible.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49- OK now?- Well, hang on a tick, er, er.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- Lucky penny, lucky rabbit's foot. - Where'd you get that?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56It belonged to the lucky mascot, which got bombed.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Well, not so lucky, then!
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Luck horse shoe.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Lucky charm bracelet. Almost there.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Fingers crossed, let's go.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Honestly, you and your stupid good luck charms,
0:23:09 > 0:23:11they're just silly superstitions.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Retreat, retreat.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Men get back in the trench.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Good lord, some survivors, this is a first.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24You are so lucky!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Still think it's a load of superstitious nonsense, eh?
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Come on, help me find a four-leaf clover.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35World War I soldiers were very superstitious,
0:23:35 > 0:23:38and good luck charms were really popular.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Who knows if they worked,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42but there certainly were some very lucky soldiers,
0:23:42 > 0:23:45like Captain William Milner, who was saved
0:23:45 > 0:23:48when a German bullet pinged off the metal badge on his cap.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Ooh, close call.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55During World War I, the lucky mascots of the Scots Guards
0:23:55 > 0:23:59were called Bella and Bertha, but what were they?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08The answer is...
0:24:09 > 0:24:12The two cows were the only survivors from a herd
0:24:12 > 0:24:15that had been hit by a bomb, lucky cows!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Groovy Greeks.
0:24:20 > 0:24:25We Greeks were famous for stories about our gods and heroes,
0:24:25 > 0:24:27which are known as myths.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Some of them were really gruesome and horrible too, like this one,
0:24:31 > 0:24:36the story of Cronos, the boss of all the Greek gods.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Greek Myth Talk.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Good morning and have we a special show lined up for you,
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I'll be talking to some Greek gods.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50So let's start with the wife of the chief Greek god, Mrs Cronos.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52APPLAUSE
0:24:52 > 0:24:57Mrs Cronos, I understand that your husband had a rather nasty habit.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- Yeah, that's right.- What did he do?
0:24:59 > 0:25:04- Did he put his sandals up on the furniture?- He ate all our babies.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05AUDIENCE BOO
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Let's bring him out.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Cronos.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13AUDIENCE BOO
0:25:14 > 0:25:20- So Mr Cronos, you ate all your babies?- Yes, I did.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21How many exactly?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23- Six.- Why did you do it?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Cos there was this prophecy that one of my children,
0:25:26 > 0:25:28was going to take over my throne.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30So you ate them all?
0:25:30 > 0:25:31Better safe than sorry.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34BOOING
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Well, it worked didn't it? I'm still top god.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Do all top gods have to worry about their children taking their jobs?
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- What you getting at?- Didn't you only get your father's job
0:25:44 > 0:25:47by cutting off his dangly bits with a sickle?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50So what if I did?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52BOOING
0:25:52 > 0:25:55So Mrs Cronos, I believe you have a little something
0:25:55 > 0:25:57to tell your husband.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00- You know you think you ate all six of our children?- Yeah.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Well, you only ate five.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06- What?- The last one was a little rock I wrapped up in a blanket.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08You never?!
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Yes, Cronos, you had thought you had eaten him, but he is here tonight,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15please welcome your son, Zeus.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Yeah, how do you like that, Dad?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- AUDIENCE: Fight, fight, fight. - Please, please, guys, please.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32Well, Zeus, your father ate all your brothers and sisters,
0:26:32 > 0:26:36he thought he'd eaten you, is there anything you'd like to say to him?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Yeah there is. Dad...
0:26:38 > 0:26:40you know how my mum brought me up.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44- Yeah.- Yeah, well now you're gonna bring up my brothers and sisters.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46What you talking about?
0:26:46 > 0:26:50I poisoned your drink. You're gonna sick 'em up.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52What?
0:26:53 > 0:26:58HE CHOKES AND VOMITS
0:27:03 > 0:27:06And he has, Cronos has just thrown up
0:27:06 > 0:27:08his now fully grown children,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11but I must remind you that all our guests
0:27:11 > 0:27:15on this programme are Greek gods, so please don't try this at home.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Look at you, oh, you look lovely.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23That is certainly the most unusual family reunion,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26join us after the break when we'll be using a DNA test
0:27:26 > 0:27:30to find out if Oedipus really did marry his mother. See you then.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31APPLAUSE
0:27:31 > 0:27:32We're gonna need tissues.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd