0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians
0:00:03 > 0:00:04# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts and bold Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fearsome, toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:23# Gory stories, we do that And your host a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:32# Welcome to Horrible Histories! #
0:00:36 > 0:00:41The streets in Tudor Britain were quite disgusting. Yuck.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43See what I mean?
0:00:46 > 0:00:50And now let's look ahead to what we can expect to see raining down
0:00:50 > 0:00:54on top of us in the streets of Tudor Britain over the next few days.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59Once again we're forecasting lots of poo and pee,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01here, here and here.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Everywhere in fact, as this is Tudor Britain,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06where people go to the toilet in buckets,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09and throw it out of the window.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11And it's not just buckets.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15Sometimes people stick their bottoms out of the window and poo
0:01:15 > 0:01:17directly onto the street below.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21And if you're on the street below, directly onto you.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26So, we can expect sudden showers of wee, heavy poo downpours,
0:01:26 > 0:01:30and with this level of hygiene, some showers of vomit,
0:01:30 > 0:01:32with conditions becoming slippery
0:01:32 > 0:01:35and in some cases rather smelly. Ooh!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39So, a summary then.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41If you're living in Tudor times
0:01:41 > 0:01:43and walking in the streets,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45be sure to wear a big hat.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Have a nice day. Ta-ta.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Did you know that Queen Elizabeth I had one of
0:01:52 > 0:01:54the very first flushing toilets in Britain?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Before that, she just squatted over a pit. Ha!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59How very regal! Huh.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01"One's done a number two."
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Ha-ha!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Time again for our fairytale series,
0:02:05 > 0:02:09where the stories are retold in different historical settings.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Today, Thumbelina, the Tudor version.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16And so Thumbelina found her way to London,
0:02:16 > 0:02:19where she hoped to meet a fairy prince.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Unfortunately this was Tudor times, so the streets were all
0:02:23 > 0:02:27six inches deep in poo, which people had thrown out of their windows.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31And since Thumbelina was only six inches tall...
0:02:33 > 0:02:37..Thumbelina drowned in poo.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41The end.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51All good Victorian homes had fireplaces,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54and you won't believe what we used to keep our chimneys clean.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Hi, I'm a shouty man
0:02:57 > 0:03:00and I'm here to tell you about new Victorian Child,
0:03:00 > 0:03:03the chimney cleaning revolution.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08New Victorian Child cleans even the most difficult of bends, don't you?
0:03:09 > 0:03:11And you can really see it working.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18The chimney flue on the left is clogged with dirt and soot,
0:03:18 > 0:03:21whereas the one on the right is completely soot free.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24It's been cleaned with new Victorian Child.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26There it is now.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Help. I'm... I'm stuck.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31And just look at the results.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Well, Victorian Child now has eye infection,
0:03:34 > 0:03:37skin irritation and breathing problems,
0:03:37 > 0:03:41but when your chimney's this clean, who cares?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44We'll even throw in this pack of pins,
0:03:44 > 0:03:48to make sure your child remains motivated.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Argh!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Up ya go, little fella.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56And what's more, new Victorian Child comes with a full guarantee.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00If it's injured, falls to its death, suffocates, is badly burned
0:04:00 > 0:04:03or gets too darn big, we'll just replace it
0:04:03 > 0:04:06with another poor child, free of charge.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10So go on, try new Victorian Child today.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Shove a kid up your chimney and the dirt is gone.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Use before 1864 because then it's abolished.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Believe it or not, in Victorian times
0:04:19 > 0:04:23many poor children worked as chimney sweeps by the age of five.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Well, you needed to be tiny to fit up there, didn't you?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29When you got too big, you were out of a job and out on the street.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Well, that's if you managed to survive at all.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37It's horrible, but then that's because this is Horrible Histories.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40If you think being sent up a chimney is horrible,
0:04:40 > 0:04:43you should see the terrible punishments
0:04:43 > 0:04:48they handed out at our super-strict Victorian schools. Ooh.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I think you'll find the conditions at our Victorian school
0:04:51 > 0:04:53to be quite exemplary, inspector.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I'll be the judge of that, Headmaster,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59that's why we have these random school inspections.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06CHILDREN SOB
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Pray, explain what's going on here?
0:05:12 > 0:05:17Well, I was administering 30 lashes to this boy,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19and then I broke one of my canes,
0:05:19 > 0:05:22so I was giving him 30 more lashes for damaging school property.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I see.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27And what did he do?
0:05:27 > 0:05:32He misspelled the word anti-disestablishmentarianism.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34And how long will he be in the stocks?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38- Three days.- I see.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41And another three days for sobbing!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45And what was your crime, my child?
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Good, you're learning!
0:05:55 > 0:06:00- Explain?- Ah, this boy is being put into the cage.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03It's one of my absolute favourite punishments.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06He will then be suspended from the rafters.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11- What for?- Oh, nothing. He's my son,
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- and I don't want to be accused of favouritism.- Thanks, Dad.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- So, um, what do you think then, inspector?- Gentlemen.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Keep up the good work.- Marvellous.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28- Jenkins, you can sit back down now. - Thank you, sir.- What?!
0:06:28 > 0:06:30You can sit down?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33I obviously haven't beaten you enough, boy!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35HE SOBS
0:06:41 > 0:06:46We Romans had dozens of gods, which was really handy
0:06:46 > 0:06:51cos anytime you had a problem there was always a god who could fix it.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Have you been injured at home or at work?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Ow!
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Or perhaps had one of your shoes stolen?
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Maybe you've lost some small change
0:07:02 > 0:07:07and would like to randomly accuse someone of theft.
0:07:07 > 0:07:12Whatever the petty problem, Roman Gods Direct can help.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- What's your name? - Here at Gods Direct,
0:07:14 > 0:07:18we have specialist Roman gods on hand 24 hours a day
0:07:18 > 0:07:21to review your petty small-minded gripe.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Gods like Neptune, god of the sea.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- Minerva, goddess of wisdom.- Hello?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Cloacina, goddess of sewers.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Uh, poo. Ugh.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38And me, Mercury, the messenger.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Just tell us who wronged you and your preferred method of revenge,
0:07:42 > 0:07:44and we'll handle the rest.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48I'd had some money stolen and I suspected Ticene of Carisius.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50So I asked Roman Gods Direct
0:07:50 > 0:07:54to make her intestines, navel and thighs waste away.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57I've no idea if it worked because she moved away.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01But I'm very happy with the service I received from Roman Gods Direct.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05And at just one sacrifice a year, their rates are very reasonable.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07So if you'd like us to take on your claim
0:08:07 > 0:08:10on a no-revenge, no-sacrifice basis,
0:08:10 > 0:08:13simply send your inscribed stone tablet to
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Roman Gods Direct, Freepost, Heaven.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Or drop it into the sacred waters at one of our regional offices
0:08:20 > 0:08:23in Bath, Hamble or Uley.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Gods Direct, no whinge is too petty.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33We know about how the Romans asked their gods to help them get revenge
0:08:33 > 0:08:36because lots of stone tablets with messages carved in them
0:08:36 > 0:08:39have been found at the Roman baths, in Bath.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I wonder if it actually works. Hmm.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45"Dear Cloacina, goddess of the sewers,
0:08:45 > 0:08:50"will you find out who pooped on my head and poop on theirs back?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53"Yours, the Rat...
0:08:53 > 0:08:54"..kiss, kiss."
0:09:10 > 0:09:13The answer is...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15They all real Roman gods.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17The Romans had a god for everything
0:09:17 > 0:09:21and took them all very seriously.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Battle is upon us.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I have come to appease the gods before we face the enemy.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Mars awaits you, General.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Hail Mars, god of war.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37On this great day of battle, may we fight with honour in your name.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- Good. To war.- Hold on, General.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45You must also pay homage to Mithras, God and Patron of Soldiers.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Of course. My mistake.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Hail Mithras.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54On this great day of battle, may we fight with honour in your name.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59- Great, thank you.- And Hippona, Goddess and Protector of Horses.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- Horses?!- Got a cavalry, haven't you?
0:10:03 > 0:10:07Hail Hippona. On this great day of battle, please look after the horses.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Good, thank you.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12And Cloacina, goddess of the sewers.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Why would I pray to the goddess of the sewers?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Soldiers get very nervous before a battle, General.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21If 15,000 men decide to go the toilet at the same time,
0:10:21 > 0:10:22I'm not clearing it up.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Hail Cloacina.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27On this great of battle make the bogs work properly. Thank you.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31And Felicitas, goddess of good luck.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Can we skip that one? The battle's started!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36You want the other side to have all the good luck?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Hail Felicitas, goddess of good luck.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Please be on our side. Now I really must...
0:10:41 > 0:10:45- Ops, god of plenty.- Oh, come on. - You want to run out of arrows?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Hail Ops, yadda, yadda, be on our side. Done.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Janus, god of good beginnings,
0:10:51 > 0:10:54you want to get a good start to the battle.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56It's a bit late, the battle's probably finished!
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- Can we wrap this up please? - Faunus, god of sheep.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- I am in a hurry.- Fine, fine.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06But if a flock of sheep sweep across the battlefield,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08tripping your men up, you're to blame.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10How many more are there?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Um, well there's Diana, goddess of the hunt,
0:11:13 > 0:11:18Strenua, god of endurance and Fides, god of loyalty.
0:11:18 > 0:11:23OK, well, hail them all. OK? Hail them all.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27SCREAMING, SLASHING
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- I don't... - What was that?- ..understand.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Where did I go wrong?
0:11:32 > 0:11:36Oh, blast!
0:11:36 > 0:11:38I forgot the god of victory.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41That...was a bit...stupid.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50A lot of English words come straight from the Viking language.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Like this lot.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06What, really? Welcome?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Don't think we're giving out mixed messages?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Mmm.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17And here's another surprising Viking fact.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32The answer is...
0:12:32 > 0:12:36B, London Bridge is falling down.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39It's about a Viking attack on London. And here's one more thing
0:12:39 > 0:12:43you probably didn't know about the Vikings.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Contrary to popular opinion,
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Viking warriors didn't actually have cow horns on their helmets.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50That's right.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54In fact, they had moose antlers.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- No, we didn't.- No. No, silly me.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59They had bunny ears.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- Don't be ridiculous. - Big pink bows, then?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Of course not.- Cow udders?
0:13:06 > 0:13:07By Odin's thunder!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- Well, what did you have then? - Nothing.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- We had nothing on our helmets. - Well, isn't that a bit boring?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16We're fighting battles, not having a fashion parade.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19What would be the use of having great big cow udders on your head
0:13:19 > 0:13:20in a war with the Saxons?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Argh!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Actually that is rather effective.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31That's right, Vikings didn't actually go to battle with
0:13:31 > 0:13:36horns on their helmets. It's a shame really, cos it's a smashing look.
0:13:36 > 0:13:41The idea was in fact made up in Victorian times.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45To be honest, lots of historical facts turn out just not to be true,
0:13:45 > 0:13:48so watch what your teachers tell ya, mmm?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54So Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table
0:13:54 > 0:13:57set off in search of The Holy Grail.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00On the way they encountered numerous...
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- I've heard enough, teacher. - What's going on?!
0:14:02 > 0:14:06I'm arresting you for disseminating falsehoods to young children.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11- You mean...- Lying. Telling fibs.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12You see...
0:15:51 > 0:15:54You children think I said what?
0:15:54 > 0:15:58They think you said, "We are not amused," your Highness.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Really? That's quite funny, isn't it?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38People from the different bits of Ancient Greece
0:16:38 > 0:16:40were very different from each other.
0:16:40 > 0:16:46The Greeks from Athens and Sparta really were like chalk and cheese.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50This is the Athenian family of Athens.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Hi. I'm a playwright.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57And they're doing a wife swap with the Spartan family of Sparta.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00I'm a warrior.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05So how will these two very different Greek cultures get on?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Ooh.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Help me with my bags, Spartan slave,
0:17:18 > 0:17:20and then go and tell the master of the house
0:17:20 > 0:17:22that Mrs Athenian has arrived.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23I am the master of the house.
0:17:25 > 0:17:30Oh, I'm sorry. And, um, and where's your dear son?
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- I believe like us you have a seven-year-old boy.- I do.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38He's out naked in the hills, fighting with other children.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Oh. And when will he be back?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43When he's 15.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Things aren't going much better in the Athenian household.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55Oh, welcome, welcome, Mrs Spartan to our home.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57I'm Mr Athenian. This is my son.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Why is he so puny and sickly?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Why was he not taken up a mountain to die at birth?
0:18:02 > 0:18:04HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:18:04 > 0:18:07What's that water coming from his eyes, eh?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09She joking. She's joking.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14And Spartans have a very different idea of a woman's role.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Right, time to get something for supper.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Great, what are you hunting?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23What are YOU hunting?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Go get us a rabbit.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28But I'm just a delicate Athenian woman.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33I'm only allowed out of the house to visit other women or go to funerals.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36You are going to a funeral...
0:18:36 > 0:18:37The rabbit's.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49These Spartans are unbelievable.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54At school, Spartan girls learn how to wrestle and throw javelins.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Imagine that? A girl going to school!
0:18:57 > 0:19:00They should be at home, learning how to sew.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06So, Mr Athenian, are there any parts in your plays for a strong woman?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Oh, yes, yes.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Right, then I should play it.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Oh, no.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16You're a woman. All female parts are played by men.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Oh, right, well, I'll come and watch it then.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Oh, don't be silly, you're not allowed, you're a woman. Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:24 > 0:19:25Argh.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30What a wimp this Athenian is, eh?
0:19:30 > 0:19:35I mean, what kind of a job is writing plays, eh? In Sparta,
0:19:35 > 0:19:40if you want a good night out you just go and slaughter a wolf, simple as.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45It's time for the Spartans and the Athenians
0:19:45 > 0:19:47to settle their differences.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Look what you did to my wife.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52It's not my fault she fainted.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54She should be tough, like my woman.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56She's no woman.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58I'm no slave, like Athenian women.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01You uncivilised Spartan brutes!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03You la-di-dah Athenian sissies!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Right, that's about as much as I can take. OK? All right.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Now, there's only one thing for it.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Agreed.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12A fight to the death.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15No, no, I was actually thinking of a vote,
0:20:15 > 0:20:17to see whose way of life is best.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20OK.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22I vote Spartan.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I vote Spartan.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28I vote Athenian.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I don't get a vote, I'm only a woman.
0:20:31 > 0:20:36I make that 2-1...to Sparta!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- Run, Jean!- Argh!- Raaarghh!
0:20:39 > 0:20:43Next time on Historical Wife Swap, it's 1660, and Mrs Merry
0:20:43 > 0:20:47tries her first Puritan meal...
0:20:47 > 0:20:50While Mr Merry throws a party for Mrs Miserable.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54- So what do you Puritans do for fun then?- Fun is sinful.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11This is HHTV News, bringing you live news direct from the past.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Our main story from the Stuart era.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17The Plague epidemic seems to be spreading rapidly.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Let's go over to our correspondent Mike Peabody,
0:21:20 > 0:21:22who's in the thick of it. Mike.
0:21:22 > 0:21:28Thanks, Sam. I've come to 1665, where literally thousands are dying
0:21:28 > 0:21:30from the Great Plague.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32I caught up with this gravedigger,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35to find out how the Plague was affecting his work.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Well, I, I haven't been so busy for years.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I've buried 30 people this morning!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42They're dropping like flies at the moment.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45And I suppose the real worrying thing
0:21:45 > 0:21:48is that the Plague can strike so very quickly.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Oh, is he...? He's dead.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Bishops think they've tracked down the root cause of the Plague.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01It's naughtiness and rude things.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03The Great Plague is a punishment on people
0:22:03 > 0:22:06who are very naughty and extremely rude.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10As a result, only the wicked will die of the Plague.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15It's certainly a very interesting theory, but can you back it up?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20He's dead.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27Doctors are doing their best to combat this deadly disease,
0:22:27 > 0:22:30using the very latest in modern medicine.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Everybody knows the best way to beat the Plague
0:22:34 > 0:22:35is a bag of lavender.
0:22:35 > 0:22:41You simply twirl it around, like this, and jump over it...
0:22:41 > 0:22:43like so.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44And is that effective?
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Oh, yes, very effective. I mean, take me, I'm as fit as a...
0:22:48 > 0:22:50HE WHEEZES AND COUGHS
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Sorry, I just, uh, coughed and fell over then.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58I haven't got the Plague.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01There is a new group on the fringes of modern English medicine,
0:23:01 > 0:23:03who think there may be another cause.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06This group call themselves scientists.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09The most important thing is not just to guess what's responsible,
0:23:09 > 0:23:13we need to look closely at the evidence and analyse it logically,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16and one way we do this is by using this brand new invention,
0:23:16 > 0:23:18the microscope.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20A microscope, ha-ha-ha!
0:23:20 > 0:23:24What did you expect to find? Tiny little creatures?
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Ha-ha. What an idiot.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Everybody knows the Plague comes from bad air,
0:23:29 > 0:23:32and all you need is a bag of lavender.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Microscope! Ha-ha. Ooh...
0:23:38 > 0:23:42Doctor, have you fallen over again or are you in fact dead? He's dead.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47This is Mike Peabody reporting for HHTV News, in Plague-riddled 1665,
0:23:47 > 0:23:50really wishing I was somewhere else.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Did you know, in 1665 there were
0:23:53 > 0:23:56lots of theories as to how the Plague was being spread?
0:23:56 > 0:24:00They blamed dogs, cats, pigs, pigeons and rabbits,
0:24:00 > 0:24:04but the real cause - it was us rats!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Ha! So rats 1, humans 0. Ha.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Only in Ye Sun tomorrow,
0:24:09 > 0:24:12everybody's talking about it, everybody's got it,
0:24:12 > 0:24:13The Great Plague.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Read our health tips on how you can prevent the Plague.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Yes, you can avoid infection just by putting a gold coin in your mouth.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25SHE COUGHS
0:24:26 > 0:24:31Plus, "I woke up in a cart full of dead Plague victims!"
0:24:31 > 0:24:35I drunk a few too many ales, fell asleep and when I woke up
0:24:35 > 0:24:37they'd chucked me on the Plague cart.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Talk about red in the face, a bit purple in places an' all.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43In fact, I think I mighta caught the Plague.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46HE COUGHS
0:24:46 > 0:24:50But we don't just cover the depressing stories, oh no!
0:24:50 > 0:24:51We've got uplifting news too.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55The French have got the Plague, hooray!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57That's all in Ye Sun tomorrow.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Make Ye Sun the last thing you read before you die.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05So, London was rife with the Plague in 1665.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08At least 1666 must have been better.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Not!
0:25:09 > 0:25:13The Great Fire almost burnt London to a cinder.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Hello. I'm Thomas Farriner,
0:25:19 > 0:25:23a baker from 1666, and I've cooked a lot of things in my time.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27But now I'm gonna show you the thing I'm most famous for.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Yes, today I'm gonna show you how to cook London.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37First, you'll need a long hot summer, so everything's nice and dry
0:25:37 > 0:25:39and easy to burn.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Next you'll need a row of wooden houses, like these ones,
0:25:43 > 0:25:47from London's Pudding Lane, where my bakery is.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Do make sure you pack your houses in nice and tight,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52so the flames can spread quickly.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Of course, this is just a model.
0:25:54 > 0:25:59Real houses from a London slum are much, much smaller.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Now you've got all your ingredients to start your fire.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09I did this by spilling some red hot embers on the floor of my bakery,
0:26:09 > 0:26:14while I was distracted by a thieving little boy.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15But to be honest,
0:26:15 > 0:26:17any method of starting a fire will do.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Ooh. There she goes. Wonderful!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Now, I like my London nice and crispy,
0:26:24 > 0:26:26so I'm just gonna let that burn for a while,
0:26:26 > 0:26:30a few days should do it, while I welcome on our guest,
0:26:30 > 0:26:34famous diary writer Samuel Pepys.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35APPLAUSE
0:26:35 > 0:26:37What have you got for us, Sam?
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Some expensive Parmesan cheese and a collection of fine wines.
0:26:41 > 0:26:45- And what do you suggest we do with them?- Bury them.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Bury them in the garden, my boy, so that the fire doesn't get them.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Good tip. So there you go,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53if your London's cooking, make sure
0:26:53 > 0:26:56you bury all your treasured possessions.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Samuel Pe-e-epys, everyone.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Now, your London should be cooking away nicely by now,
0:27:02 > 0:27:06the flames leaping from street to street,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08almost as fast as a man can run.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13And pretty soon you'll have a Great Fire of London.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17Actually, I would think twice before cooking this particular dish.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20When I did it caused a lot of damage,
0:27:20 > 0:27:22and, well, I won't be setting fire
0:27:22 > 0:27:25to any more buildings in my lifetime, put it that way.
0:27:25 > 0:27:26Oh, my goodness...
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Here we go again. Run!
0:27:33 > 0:27:37Ooh, almost forgot to bury the cheese!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40# Tall tales, atrocious acts, we gave you all the fearsome facts
0:27:40 > 0:27:44# The ugly truth, no glam or glitz, we showed you all the juicy bits
0:27:44 > 0:27:49# Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel, stuff they don't teach you at school
0:27:49 > 0:27:51# The past is no longer a mystery,
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories! #
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd