0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:17 > 0:00:22# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:36 > 0:00:40The famous Battle of Hastings took place in 1066.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44If you want to know what happened, look at the Bayeux Tapestry.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46It tells the whole story.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55..she fell over!
0:00:55 > 0:00:59You're watching News At 1066, with me, Dagbar Broadaxe...
0:00:59 > 0:01:00..and me, Matilda Highwimple.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04We bring you news of a major battle at Hastings on the Sussex coast.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Reports of the battle are only just beginning to reach us,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- live by tapestry.- We must apologise for the time delay,
0:01:10 > 0:01:13but these scenes have taken a while to embroider.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16It all seems to have started with the funeral of King Edward,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18after which Harold became King of England,
0:01:18 > 0:01:21and this annoyed William of Normandy who thought the crown
0:01:21 > 0:01:23had been promised to him.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25These exclusive pictures show the Normans building
0:01:25 > 0:01:29their invasion fleet, stockpiling weapons and setting sail for England.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33No resistance when they landed as Harold was away fighting Vikings
0:01:33 > 0:01:35in Yorkshire at the time.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Do we know yet what the Normans did when they landed?
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Well, Matilda, they do come from France so they cooked themselves
0:01:41 > 0:01:42a massive meal.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Let's take a look now at the war zone itself.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47This report contains scenes of violence
0:01:47 > 0:01:51- which viewers may find disturbing. - We're in the thick of battle
0:01:51 > 0:01:54and it looks like the English infantry have left the high ground
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- and been trapped by the Norman cavalry...- Sorry to interrupt.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02We're getting some breaking news. It looks like King Harold...
0:02:02 > 0:02:05has been killed. That's what we're hearing.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Yes, King Harold has been killed.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10We don't know yet whether King Harold is the one you can see
0:02:10 > 0:02:12with the arrow in his eye or the one on the right,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15being chopped down with the sword, it could be either.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18It looks like it's all over.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22So, William is now officially the Conqueror and the Normans
0:02:22 > 0:02:25have taken over Anglo-Saxon England.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27It's a truly sad day for us all.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- FRENCH ACCENT: - What's that you are saying?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I was actually going to say it was a very happy day.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Oh, happy day. Isn't that right, Matilda?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Yes, Dagbert. Ooh, yippee.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Yes. Bonjour!
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Most historians think the Bayeux Tapestry was made in Canterbury
0:02:42 > 0:02:45in Kent, a few years after 1066.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Today, it is in a museum in Bayeaux in France.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Tickets are 8 Euros for adults, 4 for children and rats go free
0:02:53 > 0:02:55if they shimmy down the drainpipe, ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57And it wasn't just tapestries.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02War provided inspiration for songs in the Middle Ages as well.
0:03:02 > 0:03:07Out now! The latest album from Middle Ages French troubadour,
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Bertran de Born...
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Lyre solo!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Also featuring his other best-ever lyrics...
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Buy it now before Bertrand gives up and becomes a monk!
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Listen, kiddo. You were dreadful. Just dreadful.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13'ow dare you?!
0:04:13 > 0:04:16When you become a monk, I hope you take a vow of silence.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Zat Simon Cowell is so nasty and 'orrible.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I must write a song about 'im!
0:04:23 > 0:04:28# Simon Cow-ell Simon Cow-ell
0:04:28 > 0:04:31# Your trousers are too high And everybody prefers Cheryl... #
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Victorian Britain was a very dangerous place to grow up.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43In fact, only half of Victorian children lived to the age of five.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Good day.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47EASTENDERS THEME TUNE
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Right, better give these dishes a good clean.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Oh, hello, love.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58You're back early.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00How was the factory?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02You are not going to believe this.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05The managers wound the clock forward half hour,
0:05:05 > 0:05:09then fined us for being half hour late.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- Oh, honestly! - Unbelievable.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- Dad?- What is it, seventh child?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- It's my birthday.- Is it?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- How old are you?- Five.- Five?!
0:05:20 > 0:05:25- Well done, lad! - So...you haven't got me a present?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- We didn't think you'd make it this far.- What would you like?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30I'd like a name.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31A name?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Well, the thing is, son...
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Coming up with good names is very tricky.
0:05:37 > 0:05:43Given you only had a 50% chance of surviving as far as you have,
0:05:43 > 0:05:45we just thought we wouldn't bother.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47That's why we call you seventh child.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I suppose he could have a name.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52It is his birthday, after all.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55OK. Um...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Oh! What about...Jack?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Ah! Jack it is then!
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Oh! I've got an even better present for you.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05- What is it?- A job.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Oh!- Now you're five years old,
0:06:07 > 0:06:09you can come and work in the factory with your old dad.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12You start tomorrow, 6 o'clock sharp.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Actually, best make it 5.30, in case they try that clock trick again.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19How will we top this for his next birthday?!
0:06:19 > 0:06:22He'll be cleaning the cogs in the new machine at the factory,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25so I don't think we need to worry about next birthday.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31It's true. In Victorian times,
0:06:31 > 0:06:34many poor children went to work in dangerous factories
0:06:34 > 0:06:36from the age of five! Five!
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Some people got to work in nice, posh houses instead.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42But then - that wasn't much fun either.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Hi! I'm a shouty man!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48I'm here to tell you about new Victorian Maid,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51the labour-saving revolution!
0:07:03 > 0:07:06..or at least without getting a break!
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Is there no end to what Victorian Maid can do?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Not if you give it a long enough list!
0:07:13 > 0:07:14What's more...
0:07:22 > 0:07:24..then we'll replace it with a younger model,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27for the same low, low price!
0:07:30 > 0:07:34..and we'll include this unique honesty test, free of charge!
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Simply place the coin under a rug and if it's not found,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39that's bad cleaning!
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Time to replace Victorian Maid! CRASH!
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Or if it is found, and not given back to you,
0:07:44 > 0:07:48that's dishonest! Time to replace Victorian Maid! CRASH!
0:07:48 > 0:07:52New Victorian Maid can be yours for the incredible low, low price...
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Now, that's a bargain!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Try new Victorian Maid today!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08So I think we've established we Victorians
0:08:08 > 0:08:10were pretty vile to each other.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Well, we were pretty vile to other creatures, too.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Oh, yes, we were.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Greetings, terror lovers.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I am Vincenzo Laffov.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29This week's sca-a-ary story is from the Victorian Times.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32It's called...The Freaks!
0:08:33 > 0:08:37It was in the reign of Queen Victoria, a most eerie era
0:08:37 > 0:08:40of fearful years, when a dark new trend gripped the world -
0:08:40 > 0:08:42the freakshow!
0:08:42 > 0:08:44JAUNTY CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:44 > 0:08:48That could not be less like the music I had in mind.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49Try track seven.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52MORE JAUNTY CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Track eight?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56GOTHIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:56 > 0:08:58The freakshow was a most vulgar place
0:08:58 > 0:09:01where those with unusual bodies or unique gifts
0:09:01 > 0:09:06were made to perform, as freaks, for the amusement of a gasping public.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08But amongst the bearded ladies and pin-headed men
0:09:08 > 0:09:12lurked a creature truly deserving of the name...freak.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14The Fiji Mermaid!
0:09:15 > 0:09:19The crazed creature had a head and arms almost human in appearance.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22But, from the waist down, it's body was that of a fish!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24But this mermaid was not alive.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Just imagine the shock, the fear, the REVULSION, felt by those
0:09:28 > 0:09:31who witnessed a true, living, breathing freak!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34The pig-faced lady!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36OINK! OINK!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38That's just not scary, is it?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Can we try slowing it down?
0:09:40 > 0:09:43GRUNT! GRUNT!
0:09:43 > 0:09:44It'll have to do.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48As the eager public entered her tent,
0:09:48 > 0:09:49there was the lady!
0:09:49 > 0:09:54Her eyes dark and hooded, her face wide and grizzled.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Her nose pushed forwards into a wet, wrinkled snout.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01From her cavernous mouth came not a voice, but growls
0:10:01 > 0:10:03and snorts that shook the tent around her.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06What was this pig-faced lady?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10And the answer - it was...
0:10:10 > 0:10:13a shaved bear...what?
0:10:15 > 0:10:19The pig-faced lady wasn't a lady, it was a drugged bear?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21With its fur shaved off?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23And the mermaid was a dead monkey?!
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Sewn onto a fish?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28And covered in papier mache?
0:10:28 > 0:10:32Can someone on this production please get a dictionary
0:10:32 > 0:10:34and look up the word "scary"?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I turned down a film premiere to do this, you know.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41But I'm here, reading some rubbish about dead monkeys.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43That's it.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45I'm burning the book.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Don't try and stop me. No, no, get off!
0:10:47 > 0:10:48I'm burning it!
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Hiya, fashion fans, and welcome to Historical Fashion Fix.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06This week, I'll be making over a smelly Celtic farmer,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08so best take some precautions.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Let's meet Drostan.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13You look perfectly clean!
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- HE SNIFFS - You smell good too!
0:11:17 > 0:11:21- Celts do use soap.- My apologies, Drostan, let's start over.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- Tell us a bit about yourself. - I hate Romans.- OK.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- And any hobbies?- Hating Romans.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Well, you're in luck, because I'll be making you over
0:11:31 > 0:11:34as the ultimate Celtic warrior, a Roman-killing psycho.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39- (Yes!)- First, let's do something about that ridiculous moustache.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42It isn't nearly ridiculous enough!
0:11:44 > 0:11:47There! Shorter hair and a longer moustache,
0:11:47 > 0:11:49that really says Celtic warrior.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54The hair is spiked and bleached using crushed up limestone -
0:11:54 > 0:11:57natures all-in-one bleach and hair gel.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Nice.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59You go, Drostan.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- So, can I go and kill some Romans now?- Soon.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- First, we have to get you out of those clothes.- All right.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- So, what am I going to wear? - Nothing.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12W-what?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Well, you do get to wear this...
0:12:15 > 0:12:16There.
0:12:16 > 0:12:21- What, is that it?- Your neck band is carved with signs to bring you
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- good luck in battle.- I'm going to need it, aren't I, mate?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28If I'm fighting in my birthday suit. I'm nude! Look at me, I'm nude.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31All right. Going to have some trouble with this one.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34We've got some woad leaves here.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37And I've squished up the seeds into a lovely blue dye.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Whoa, what are you doing with that?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44There, every inch the Celtic warrior.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45I look ridiculous.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47The flowers were my idea.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50What flowers...? Oh!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52What's he doing?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54HE GROWLS ANGRILY
0:12:54 > 0:12:55What are you doing?!
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Working my way up into a Celtic warrior battle frenzy.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03I go absolutely bananas and then kill everything in my path.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Not on my show...
0:13:05 > 0:13:07sister.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11That's it for this week. Join us next time,
0:13:11 > 0:13:14when I'll be teaching a Saxon monk how to jazz up his cassock
0:13:14 > 0:13:18with a viking's axe in his head. See you then.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20- I'm really sorry about...- It's OK.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23It's true, some Celtic warriors fought naked.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Yeah, they believed that if the gods decided today was their day to die,
0:13:27 > 0:13:31then all the armour in the world wasn't going to protect them.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34And did you know, one of the most famous Celtic warriors
0:13:34 > 0:13:36was actually a woman?
0:13:40 > 0:13:41# Gonna cause a stink
0:13:41 > 0:13:43# Won't be the first to blink
0:13:43 > 0:13:45# I'm not who you think Don't mess with me
0:13:45 > 0:13:49# I'm Boudicca
0:13:51 > 0:13:54# My husband Prasutagus died He was a Celtic king
0:13:54 > 0:13:58# I was his queen, so due to me Was half of everything
0:13:58 > 0:14:02# Roman law gave half to me So half was what they got
0:14:02 > 0:14:05# Till their nasty soldiers came And took the blessed lot
0:14:05 > 0:14:09# Hey, mister, I'd say You got the wrong end of the stick
0:14:09 > 0:14:13# His answer turned this sister Into one angry chick
0:14:13 > 0:14:14# No man, Roman
0:14:14 > 0:14:16# Will push around this woman
0:14:16 > 0:14:20# You won't get far with Boudicca
0:14:20 > 0:14:22# Foe man, yeoman
0:14:22 > 0:14:24# Smash the Roman foe man
0:14:24 > 0:14:25# All say yah
0:14:25 > 0:14:27- # Yah!- Boudicca
0:14:31 > 0:14:35# I built a massive army Headed straight for the city
0:14:35 > 0:14:38# Beat 'em all with ease And like me, it wasn't pretty
0:14:38 > 0:14:42# Chopped 'em and hacked But what made their red blood curl
0:14:42 > 0:14:46# Bad enough being beaten But beaten by a girl?!
0:14:46 > 0:14:48# Whacked 'em, smacked 'em
0:14:48 > 0:14:49# Boy, how we attacked 'em
0:14:49 > 0:14:53# Near and far Hah-hah-hah!
0:14:53 > 0:14:57# Flayed 'em, slayed 'em Up and down parade 'em
0:14:57 > 0:15:00# Boudicca Toughest by far
0:15:00 > 0:15:02# Colchester, London, St Albans
0:15:02 > 0:15:05# Everybody talk about dead Romans
0:15:08 > 0:15:09# We marched on up the Roman road
0:15:09 > 0:15:11# That's known as Watling Street
0:15:11 > 0:15:13# They trapped us in the forest
0:15:13 > 0:15:15# Then thrashed us to our defeat
0:15:15 > 0:15:19# By now you've guessed I'm not The kind of girl to sit and cry
0:15:19 > 0:15:22# Be sold a slave to Romans? You know I'd rather die
0:15:22 > 0:15:26# They tried to take me prisoner So I led the Roman boys on
0:15:26 > 0:15:30# Instead of giving in to them I swallowed special poison
0:15:30 > 0:15:33# Martyr, smarter Capture a non-starter
0:15:33 > 0:15:37# This was our last hurrah
0:15:37 > 0:15:39# Slaughtered, dismembered
0:15:39 > 0:15:41# Our tribe always remembered
0:15:41 > 0:15:44# Boudicca, superstar
0:15:44 > 0:15:46# Boudicca
0:15:46 > 0:15:48# Superstar. #
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Don't diss this miss.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Everyone knows that weddings can be a bit boring.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01But King Charles I certainly made sure that his bride
0:16:01 > 0:16:03would never forget their wedding day.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10IN FRENCH ACCENT: You look beautiful.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Thank you.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Who are you?
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Oh, sorry, I am the Duc de Chevreuse.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19I am going to marry you today. Enchante.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22What? Where's King Charles I?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I'm supposed to marry him. Not you.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26You could do worse. I'm a duke.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- He's a king! - Oh, yeah. Yes, I suppose he is.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Anyway, he said to say he's very sorry but he's a bit busy,
0:16:33 > 0:16:36so would you mind if I stood in for him for the whole wedding thing?
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Stood in?
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Yeah, well, you know, it's a bit difficult for him.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44There's this dirty business with religion - you're Catholic, he's not.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Plus you're in France, he's not.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49So in the end, I just thought it might be easier to...
0:16:49 > 0:16:51pop down and get married for him.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Does he not want to marry me, then?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Oh, no, no, no, no. He's got this whole second wedding planned
0:16:56 > 0:16:58when you get to England next month.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01A big church in Canterbury, a nice Protestant ceremony,
0:17:01 > 0:17:02big silly cake!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- OK, then.- Magnifique.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Ready when you are.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Do you, Henrietta Maria,
0:17:09 > 0:17:13take a man who is not here but somehow knows this man,
0:17:13 > 0:17:16to be your lawfully wedded husband?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I do.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20And does King Charles I
0:17:20 > 0:17:24take this woman to be his lawfully wedded wife?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Yeah, apparently he does.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Then I now pronounce you friend of the husband
0:17:28 > 0:17:30and somebody else's wife.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32You may kiss the other fellow's bride.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38How dare you! I am the wife of King Charles I...
0:17:38 > 0:17:40I think... Sort of.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I'm so sorry, I always cry at weddings.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49It's true, Charles I didn't want
0:17:49 > 0:17:51a Catholic wedding in a foreign country.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54So he got the Duc de Chevreuse to stand in for him.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55In fact, thanks to King Charles
0:17:55 > 0:18:00there were lots of crazy goings-on in church in the Stuart era.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Here endeth the lesson.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04ALL: Amen.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Now, before we begin prayers today,
0:18:06 > 0:18:10I have to inform you there's to be a wee change to the proceedings.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13"A wee change." I don't like the sound of that...
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Please, it's a decree from our King, Charles I,
0:18:15 > 0:18:20which demands we now use these new Church of England prayer books.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22So if we could just turn to page 109...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24What?
0:18:24 > 0:18:28We're Scottish. We don't need some prayer book from England.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31We're happy with our own prayer books, thank you very much.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I know, but the King wants all church services in Britain
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- to be the same, so... - We're Puritans,
0:18:35 > 0:18:40we like our services to be plain and simple like our prayer books.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Not all elaborate and fancy like the English ones.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Aye, who cares what the King says?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46MURMUR OF AGREEMENT
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I have to read from it, it's the law.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51I'll get into trouble if I don't.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53You're no' right, you. I'm no' happy.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58Please... Right, I knew there'd be trouble. Good job I came prepared.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Right...
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Let's just be absolutely clear, shall we?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Hands up who's happy to read from
0:19:05 > 0:19:07the new Church of England prayer book?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12I thought so.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Our father...
0:19:14 > 0:19:16which art in heaven...
0:19:21 > 0:19:23..hallowed be thy name.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37Welcome back to HHTV Sport, bringing you exclusive live sporting events
0:19:37 > 0:19:39from the past.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Today, we're at the Georgian Games.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44We can go ringside with John and Steve for our big fight live.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46And what a spectacle we're in for.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Good afternoon, there's a real sense of excitement for today's big fight.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54There certainly is, John. These players look very evenly matched.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56We could be in for a real corker.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Seconds out...
0:19:57 > 0:19:58BELL RINGS ..round one.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00And they're straight in to the first pinch.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Oh, it's a good strong pinch to the upper arm there.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07And he's showing no signs of pain whatsoever.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10That's what you've got to do to win a Georgian pinching match.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14For those unfamiliar with the game, could you remind us of the rules?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17The two competitors stand toe-to-toe and simply take it in turns
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- to pinch each other.- Right.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22They can't cry out. If they do, it's game over.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24So if I was to do this...
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Ow!
0:20:25 > 0:20:28- ..I'd have won the game.- Yeah, and if I were to do this...- Ahh!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30..I would have won the game.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31Ow, seriously!
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Aaaagh!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Oh, it's all over, let's look at that final pinch
0:20:40 > 0:20:42once again, in slow motion.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Yes, it's a clinical pinch to the ribs.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- That looks like it hurt.- Absolutely.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52So, let's see what's coming up in these Georgian Games.
0:20:52 > 0:20:554pm, we have the greased-goose grabbing final.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58And at 5pm, live and exclusive, we have women fighting for money.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00And what about the football, John?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- No, football's rubbish. - Well, I like it.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04It's a fad, Steve, it's a fad.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07I'm sure long after people have gone off football,
0:21:07 > 0:21:10they'll still be into pinching matches and greased-goose grabbing.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Back to the studio.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16That's right, Georgians used to enjoy watching people
0:21:16 > 0:21:19trying to grab a dead, greased goose.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22The winner was the one who pulled its head off. Eugh!
0:21:22 > 0:21:24And if you think that's shocking,
0:21:24 > 0:21:28then you obviously haven't heard about our Georgian army.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Hello, sergeant, I'm your new recruit.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Come to serve your country, have you? That's very noble of you, sir.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Have you signed your army contract, sir?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Certainly have, there it is.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Right, you horrible little man,
0:21:42 > 0:21:44why aren't you in uniform? You're a disgrace to the army.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Here, put this jacket on.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- It's not very camouflaged, is it? - Of course it isn't.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52We want your mates to be able to see you easily
0:21:52 > 0:21:54and not shoot you when you're on a smoky battlefield.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Won't the enemy be able to easily see me on the battlefield?
0:21:58 > 0:21:59Of course they will,
0:21:59 > 0:22:02they'll be standing 50 yards away in a straight line shooting at you.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04That's how Georgian armies fight.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Left-right, left-right...
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Get your knees up, you horrible little man.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11The army thrives on discipline.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14You'll be practising drill three hours a day, every day,
0:22:14 > 0:22:16and you will like it.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Recruit...halt!
0:22:17 > 0:22:19HE PANTS
0:22:19 > 0:22:20You hungry, son?
0:22:20 > 0:22:24- Good, it's time for your rations. - Oh, good.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Eugh, it's covered in maggots.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Oh, you'll get used to that. I call that extra-meat rations.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32That's good old, honest Georgian army food, that is.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Right, time for rifle practice.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38I will now present you with your weapon. It's called a Brown Bess.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- Lovely, isn't she?- Cool, may I?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Yeah, just hold it up to your shoulder and pull the trigger.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Sorry about that, you're left handed, aren't you?
0:22:46 > 0:22:49You can only fire the Brown Bess with your right hand,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51otherwise the flash goes off in your face.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53I don't want to be in the army anymore.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Oh, it's too late for that, son.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58You're mine for the next ten years.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Now, on the double, quick-march.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Left-right, left-right...
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Oh, forgotten his rations.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07That's more for me. Oh, look, there's a beetle there.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Mmm, I like the crunchy shell. Oh, that's lovely that.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Ancient Egyptian Queen Cleopatra
0:23:18 > 0:23:20went to a lot of trouble to look her best.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Here's how she did it.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26Hi, girls, ever look in the mirror and see this...
0:23:26 > 0:23:28when you were hoping to see this?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Yeah, me too. That's why I follow...
0:23:32 > 0:23:36And now you can too. Just listen and learn.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40If you want your skin to be nice and smooth like mine,
0:23:40 > 0:23:42why not bathe in asses' milk?
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Eugh! How long has that been there? It really stinks.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Enhance those eyes by painting them with black lead.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Hang on, isn't this like really poisonous?
0:23:58 > 0:23:59What are you trying to do to me?
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Looking better already? You bet I am.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04And this eye make-up repels flies.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Well, I'm not surprised, it is poisonous.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Bring a dash of colour to your cheeks
0:24:12 > 0:24:13with this red ochre made from clay.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Clay? What, like they make pots out of?
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Actually, that does kind of work. Amazing, isn't it?
0:24:22 > 0:24:23And now for the final touch.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27That beauty accessory that no female Pharaoh is complete without -
0:24:27 > 0:24:28a beard.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36It's not funny, it just tickles.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40It's all true. 100% accu-rat.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Pharaohs were supposed to be men,
0:24:42 > 0:24:44so Cleopatra had to wear a false beard
0:24:44 > 0:24:46whenever she did a sacred task,
0:24:46 > 0:24:48like pray for the sun to come up every morning.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Personally, I like girls with a bit of facial hair.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55But then, I would, wouldn't I? I am a rat.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14The answer is...all three were used in medicines
0:25:14 > 0:25:17by ancient Eqyptian doctors.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Oh, it's really sore.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Try not to touch it, the doctor will be round soon.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Good. What are the doctors like round here?
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Yeah, they're very professional and...
0:25:39 > 0:25:43OK, for some reason we don't understand,
0:25:43 > 0:25:46they all seem to be from different historical periods
0:25:46 > 0:25:48and their methods are quite frankly...mad.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Good morning, Mrs Carter, I'm Dr Jenkins.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55You're in luck, he's one of our modern doctors.
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Oh, thank goodness.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- So what seems to be the...? - So sorry I'm late.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02My name's Dr Isis and I'm from ancient Egypt.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03- I'll take it from here.- Of course.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06No, don't go. You know what they're like.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10He'll do a load of weird stuff to her and she'll probably
0:26:10 > 0:26:11end up dying or something.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15Nonsense, I've had all the latest ancient Egyptian medical training.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Now, that is a nasty gash above the right eye.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21I'd be tempted to rub some honey into that.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- See?- Honey is actually a rather good antiseptic.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Ideal for treating a wound such as that.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Oh, well, what about the pain?
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Well, I've got some dried leaves from a myrtle bush here in my bag.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35I'd probably feed the patient a few of those.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37He wants her to eat leaves?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Yes, but myrtle leaves are very rich in salicylic acid.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43It's a basic form of things like aspirin,
0:26:43 > 0:26:45So ideal for treating mild pain.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Actually, I feel quite sick now.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51I've got just the thing for that. A lovely bit of limestone. Mmm.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53He wants her to eat a rock.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Yes, limestone is calcium carbonate.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Powdered up, it's the same as we use to treat stomach complaints today.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01I'd say that Dr Isis actually has some very good treatments.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02What?
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Looks like there could be a little infection there, what do you think?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Yes, that could lead to blindness.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Which I would treat by mashing up a pig's eye
0:27:11 > 0:27:15with a little bit of honey and a little bit of red powder
0:27:15 > 0:27:18and then pouring the mixture into the patient's ear.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Yeah, he's mad. Get him.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24No! How dare you, I'm not mad.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Aaaagh, mummy!
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Want to travel through the time sewers with me?
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Then play Horrible Histories Terrible Treasures.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.