0:00:01 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians Woeful Wars, ferocious Fights
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Dingy castles, daring knights Horrors that defy description
0:00:09 > 0:00:10# Cut-throat Celts Awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crime Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:14# Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:14 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, reigning sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories We do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #
0:00:38 > 0:00:43Viking warriors, tomorrow, as the sun rises, we set sail for England!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46ALL: Yes!
0:00:46 > 0:00:50We must be bold, we must be terrifying!
0:00:51 > 0:00:54We have our axes.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55We have our daggers.
0:00:55 > 0:01:01We have our swords, but now we have a new weapon at our disposal.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- Make-up.- What!
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Do this, my brothers...
0:01:08 > 0:01:13and you shall strike fear into our enemies' hearts.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15ALL: YES!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Let's go and kill some monks.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Olaf, good work, you look truly bloodcurdling,
0:01:26 > 0:01:32Sven, my old friend, excellent, you will chill the enemy to their bones.
0:01:32 > 0:01:37Bjorn, that's what I call really scary.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Eric...
0:01:43 > 0:01:44It's the nose, isn't it? A bit much?
0:01:44 > 0:01:46No, it's, really terrifying.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Let's get us some monasteries!
0:01:55 > 0:01:59It's true though, those rough, tough Viking warriors liked to wear
0:01:59 > 0:02:02eye make-up, neatly trim their beards and have
0:02:02 > 0:02:04a good wash every Saturday night.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07When they invaded Britain, they loved to pick on
0:02:07 > 0:02:10easy targets, like poor, defenceless monks.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Do you know, Vikings were basically just great big girls, yeah?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15But don't tell them I said that!
0:02:22 > 0:02:26Whoa! Stop! Whoa, what's going on?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29We were minding our own business, they came out the blue with axes.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:02:31 > 0:02:36Da, da, da, da, da! One at a time please! You, is what he said true?
0:02:36 > 0:02:40I asked you to stop for a second while we sort this out, please.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43I was just... He...
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Thank you, now what are you doing here? This is Lindisfarne,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52we're a monastery, we're peaceful people.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Well, I hadn't
0:02:54 > 0:02:58really thought about it before. Why did we sail here from Scandinavia?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Maybe it's because there's not enough food,
0:03:00 > 0:03:02there's a shortage of herring where we're from.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05We needed more land, my dad's left all of his land
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- to my older brother, which isn't fair.- But it is a bit crowded.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10Well, we do need more space to live.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Plus we've got a new Viking king now,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15and he's such a bully. As are our wives.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21It seems to me like you don't know why you're here,
0:03:21 > 0:03:25why don't you just go home and we'll say no more about it.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29No, I've just remembered what it is, it's because killing is really fun
0:03:29 > 0:03:30and taking stuff from monks is very easy.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- That's it.- Yeah, yeah, it was, it's mainly that, that was it.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Right, well...
0:03:37 > 0:03:40as long as we're clear on that...
0:03:40 > 0:03:41carry on.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56You're watching HH TV Sports bringing you exclusive live
0:03:56 > 0:03:58sporting events from the past.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Today, it's football, but not as you know it.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06Time to go over live to the 1500s to join our commentator, pit side.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Hello and welcome to Tudor England,
0:04:08 > 0:04:12where the big sport of the common man is an early form of football.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I'm here with Alan, captain of the Roxbridge Village team,
0:04:15 > 0:04:17who's here to tell me a little bit more about the sport.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Alan, I understand it's a very important match here today?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Yes, Gary, the whole village has turned out.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Great to see so much support for the team.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Support? No, everyone plays for the team, the whole village is playing,
0:04:28 > 0:04:31it's our village versus the neighbouring village.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33I see, and what's the score?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Oh, it's still 0-0, but we did come close to a goal.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Really, how close exactly? - About two and a half miles.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Two and a half miles?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43We play between two villages and the winning team
0:04:43 > 0:04:46gets the ball to the opposing village.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I don't... Argh! And...and this is your ball?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Yeah, it's made of pig's bladder. - It looks like a pig...
0:04:53 > 0:04:58Argh! Now... I... That... Wait... That, that... That is inexcusable.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01- Where is the referee?- There's no referee, there's no rules.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Oh, that does explain the black eye,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07the broken finger and what appears to be a bitten ear.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Yeah, well, it's just a gentle game today, Gary.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Last game, I dislocated my arm and broke my jaw.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Would it be possible to have a word with the captain of the opposition?
0:05:16 > 0:05:20- Go ahead.- Thank you. So, how's the game going from your point of view?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Hi, Gary. Yeah, pretty good.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26I think it'll be a long one... Could go on for hours.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- Some of the lads will end up flat on their backs.- Exhausted?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34No, dead. It's how brutal the game can be. Want to be on our side?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I'll certainly give it a go.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Um... Oh! Oh!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Yep, still got it, back to the studio.
0:05:44 > 0:05:49Henry VIII needed lots of young fit men for the English army.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54So many people were getting injured playing Tudor football, in 1540
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Henry made it illegal.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00There really were some unusual laws in Tudor times.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Give me your purse.- Oh! - Give me your purse!
0:06:04 > 0:06:08- Take it, take it! - Lovely, hold on, hold on. Right...
0:06:08 > 0:06:11There's your change and I'll just write you a receipt.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Excuse me?- I only wanted 11p, so I gave you the rest
0:06:14 > 0:06:16and I'll write you a little piece of paper.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19That just saves any confusion, should it come to court.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Um, I'm still a little confused.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Well, you see, if you steal 11 pence or less they
0:06:23 > 0:06:24chuck you in prison, but if you steal
0:06:24 > 0:06:2712 pence or more then they sentence you to death.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- Oh, I see! - So I'll just write you this receipt.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Not going to sign it, for obvious reasons.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35OK, there you go, have a nice day.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37That's the most pleasant mugging
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- I've ever had.- Oh, well, we take pride in our work.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43In fact, here's a penny for your trouble.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Oh, well, thank you very much, that's very kind of you.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48This makes 12 pence, if I'm caught...
0:06:48 > 0:06:49It looks like somebody's for the chop.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Oh, no, this is a tip.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Oh, ho, it's a tip, is it?- Yes.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- Oh, that's right...so you weren't mugging her?- No, I was.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I'm going to chop your head off.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Oh, have mercy Sir.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08Us ancient Egyptians used a clever writing system called hieroglyphics,
0:07:08 > 0:07:12but it was not an easy system to learn, check this out.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19# Settle down class Now you've passed
0:07:19 > 0:07:21# Your grade one pyramid selling
0:07:21 > 0:07:24# Yeah, the time has come for me to drum
0:07:24 > 0:07:26# Some facts into you about spelling
0:07:26 > 0:07:29# Oh, it seems to me your ABC
0:07:29 > 0:07:31# Skills are less than terrific
0:07:31 > 0:07:34# So buck up, boys As we master the joys
0:07:34 > 0:07:36# Of the lovely hieroglyphic, woo!
0:07:36 > 0:07:38# Everyone needs their ABC
0:07:38 > 0:07:41# It's as simple as vulture, foot, basket
0:07:41 > 0:07:43# You know how to sing doh, ray, me
0:07:43 > 0:07:46# Easy to spell It's hand, eye, thingy, owl
0:07:46 > 0:07:48# ABC, vulture, foot, basket
0:07:48 > 0:07:49# Doh, ray me
0:07:49 > 0:07:51# Hand, eye, thingy, owl
0:07:55 > 0:07:58# You'll pass with ease and find it's a breeze
0:07:58 > 0:08:00# The rules are scientific
0:08:00 > 0:08:02# Don't have to be smart all you do is start
0:08:02 > 0:08:05# With simple phonetic glyphics
0:08:05 > 0:08:09# Next you get to learn as a set more things called logographic
0:08:10 > 0:08:13# Finally, third, the form of a word determinatives
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Horrific!
0:08:14 > 0:08:17# Everyone needs their flamingo, house, sun
0:08:17 > 0:08:20# It's simple, but sun can mean duck, everyone
0:08:20 > 0:08:21# You all know how to write your name
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Except for me, Tutan Nephertiti Khamun!
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- # Flamingo, house, sun - Means duck to some
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- # Tutan Nephertiti Khamun - Let's just leave that one
0:08:33 > 0:08:36# If you find it hard Don't be afraid
0:08:36 > 0:08:38# To go and ask your mummy for aid
0:08:38 > 0:08:41# Now, it's time for a spelling bee
0:08:41 > 0:08:43# That's not how you spell bee see me!
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Foot, reed, reed... Easy!
0:08:46 > 0:08:50# Cat, pig, dog, rat, duck, frog Make your spelling magnific
0:08:50 > 0:08:53# You can go up and down, left and right and around
0:08:53 > 0:08:55# The punctuation in hieroglyphic
0:08:56 > 0:08:58# A B C D E F G
0:08:58 > 0:09:00# Just 700 characters or so
0:09:00 > 0:09:02# Now that's done, let's have fun
0:09:02 > 0:09:05# With numbers, here we go
0:09:05 > 0:09:07# Everyone needs their 123
0:09:07 > 0:09:10# It's as simple as eye, eye, eye, eye
0:09:10 > 0:09:15# You can all count to 99... # Easy to write it's hoop, hoop, hoop
0:09:15 > 0:09:22Hoop, hoop, hoop, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- # 123 - Eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- # 99 - Hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop,
0:09:27 > 0:09:32Hoop, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye... Basket?
0:09:51 > 0:09:56The answer is B, they cut off and counted the right hands.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04One of the worst battles in the Second World War was the
0:10:04 > 0:10:08one the Russians and the Germans had over the city of Stalingrad, here.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10It lasted for seven months and
0:10:10 > 0:10:13in the cruel Russian winter, the Germans soon ran out of supplies
0:10:13 > 0:10:17and had to improvise, in the most gruesome of ways.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Oh, ha, ha.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Greetings, Herr Soldier.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Greetings, Herr Stodman. I'm here about a few supplies,
0:10:27 > 0:10:29some new boots, a jacket and some food.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Excellent. Well, I shall take ze whole lot.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34No, zat is what I want from you.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35What?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40You are joking, right? We have been fighting
0:10:40 > 0:10:44here in Russia for six months now, we have run out of all our supplies.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46But I need new things, my boots,
0:10:46 > 0:10:49zey have so many holes in them, I don't feel like I'm wearing any.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Well, you are not wearing any.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Oh, well, zat would explain it.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00- Is there nothing that you can give me?- Well, I think you're in luck.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I got these boots in this morning, good quality too, they're Russian.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- How do you know zey are Russian? - Er....
0:11:06 > 0:11:08There was a Russian in them.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- I cannot wear those! - Of course you can, you just put
0:11:12 > 0:11:15them in ze oven for ten minutes and ze legs will pop right out.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18I'm not going to wear a dead man's boots.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Is there nothing else you have, a jacket?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22I am so cold I have goose pimples on my goose pimples.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Argh, I have just the thing.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27We managed to get this in from Berlin.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Oh, perfect.- Ah...
0:11:29 > 0:11:34Oh, zat is better, oh... And it is not off a dead man, right?
0:11:34 > 0:11:35No, it is from a dead woman.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Brrrrr! What about food, do you have any food?
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Ah, well,
0:11:41 > 0:11:48only tis rather suspiciously named meat paste, I got it in from Germany.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53- What's it like?- Well, ze impression I got from Lieutenant Gotlieb was,
0:11:53 > 0:11:55it's not very good for you.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- Who's Lieutenant Gotlieb? - Er, zis fellow over here.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Zat is exactly what Gotlieb did, except from both ends.
0:12:06 > 0:12:11All you have is inedible food, a dead man's boots, a dead woman's
0:12:11 > 0:12:15coat? Is there nothing you have that is any use to me?
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Well, as our 10,000th customer,
0:12:18 > 0:12:23you have just won, an all-expenses-paid fortnight
0:12:23 > 0:12:25on the beaches of Brazil.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- Oh, really.- No. Raus!
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Can I not work here with you?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34No, I'm afraid it is just me and Gotlieb.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- Auf wiedersehen.- Look at it.
0:12:40 > 0:12:45For the Germans, the Battle of Stalingrad was a tactical disaster.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Mind you, some of the Russian tactics during World War Two
0:12:48 > 0:12:50didn't go that well either.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57The Second World War's Russian anti-tank device.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00The penniless Russians needed a cheap way to destroy the unbeatable
0:13:00 > 0:13:03German tanks, so they invented...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Dog bombs.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Yes, dogs were trained to run underneath tanks
0:13:08 > 0:13:12with bombs strapped to their backs.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14The Russians sent their brilliant
0:13:14 > 0:13:20new doggy weapon into battle but there was one small problem.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24The dogs had been trained to run under Russian tanks.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Nyet! There, doggy, stay...sit.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30So they ran under the Russian tanks.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Bad doggy.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Oh, well, back to drawing board.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Hi, I'm a shouty Georgian woman,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49and I'm here to tell you about the very latest
0:13:49 > 0:13:53in Georgian mobile communication technology, the fan.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Each little gesture with the fan send out a totally different message,
0:13:57 > 0:13:58and it's so simple to use,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01and your parents won't have a clue what you're messaging.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05Send thousands of messages a day, and there's no bill to pay,
0:14:05 > 0:14:07everybody should have one.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- Except you, because you're a bloke. - Yeah, terribly sorry.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15It's also handy for wafting away foul smells, phewee.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Yeah, terribly sorry.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20So don't delay, buy your Georgian fan today.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22'Warning, too much fan flattering
0:14:22 > 0:14:24can seriously damage a lady's wrist.'
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Ow.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Are you quite well, daughter?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Oh, most well, father.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Good day, Mr Willis.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Good day, Mr Andrews.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Surprisingly warm weather for the time of year, Mr Willis.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Er, indeed, Mr Andrews.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Yes!
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Yes, this is my favourite composer.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Whooo!
0:15:10 > 0:15:13It's the latest dance from London town, Mr Willis.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15I see, Mr Andrews.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- Soon.- Sorry?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Spoon. I need a spoon.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Strange boy.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Sir, there is a most pressing question
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I would like to ask your daughter.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47HE CRIES
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Strange, strange boy.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03We Georgian ladies may have had some funny customs,
0:16:03 > 0:16:08but let me assure you, Georgian gentleman were just as silly.
0:16:14 > 0:16:20Hiya, fashion fans, and welcome to another Historical Fashion Fix.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24This week it's all about wigs, stockings and makeup,
0:16:24 > 0:16:26you've guessed it,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29this week we're going to be making over a Georgian man,
0:16:29 > 0:16:32- so let's meet him now. Hi, Daniel.- Sorry?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Let's see if we can't work some Fashion Fix magic,
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- and turn you into an authentic Georgian aristocrat.- All right.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Let's sort out that skin.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- He's looking pretty pale. - I haven't eaten in a week.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49But he could do with being a lot paler,
0:16:49 > 0:16:52so I've stuck some leeches on his arm.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55But he's still not pale enough for a Georgian aristocrat,
0:16:55 > 0:16:59so to make Daniel even whiter, you could use chalk dust,
0:16:59 > 0:17:03but I prefer to use highly toxic lead paint.
0:17:03 > 0:17:09Just add some lipstick and blusher, and let's see the difference.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15There, much more manly. Do you like it, Daniel?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Course he does, he loves it.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Now, let's do something about those awful clothes.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Well, at least I can't look any more ridiculous.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27I stand corrected.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Every bit the Georgian gent,
0:17:29 > 0:17:34and that padding really accentuates Daniel's lovely calves.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35What you doing?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Just time for the finishing touches, the wig.
0:17:39 > 0:17:45The wig is held in place using powder made from flour, starch, nutmeg,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47and, of course, gold dust.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54There. Looking good, but there's one thing missing.
0:17:54 > 0:18:00No Georgian gent is complete without some lice in his wig.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- How do you like your look, Daniel? - I look like a poodle on a cushion.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Some people just can't wear good clothes.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09You have given me nothing for this programme, absolutely nothing.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12That's it this week from Fashion Fix,
0:18:12 > 0:18:15join me next time, when I'll be teaching a stone age caveman
0:18:15 > 0:18:19that it's better to wear some clothes for once. See you.
0:18:19 > 0:18:24Posh Georgian men who dressed up like that were known as Macaronis.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Not sure why,
0:18:25 > 0:18:29presumably because they looked better covered in cheese. Ha-ha-ha!
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Mind you, I think everything looks better covered in cheese.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:18:43 > 0:18:46# They're funny cos they're true
0:18:46 > 0:18:48# Woo Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:18:48 > 0:18:52# Hope next time it's not you He-he. #
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Oh! Next!
0:18:56 > 0:18:57And you are?
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Sir Arthur Aston, English army officer.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06Yeah, yeah, course you are, whatever. Come on, entertain me.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Well, I was showing off on my horse
0:19:08 > 0:19:12- for the benefit of some lovely young ladies.- Hmm, and?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Well, I fell off the horse, I broke my leg,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18it turned septic, so I had to have it amputated.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- And you bled to death? - Oh, no, no, no, I was fine.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26- Oh, shame.- You see, I was given this rather wonderful wooden leg,
0:19:26 > 0:19:29and I was able to return to the army,
0:19:29 > 0:19:33and soon I found myself in a battle, against Oliver Cromwell's army.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Oh, good. How did it go?
0:19:35 > 0:19:40Not brilliantly, I was captured and, well, I was beaten to death.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43With my own wooden leg.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46HE LAUGHS
0:19:48 > 0:19:49With your own wood...
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Oh, that's hilarious!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55I bet you were hopping mad!
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Hopping!
0:19:57 > 0:19:59You're very insensitive, you know that?
0:19:59 > 0:20:04It's a yes from me, Arthur, you're through to the afterlife.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Oh, thank you, thank you.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Hop along now. Hop along!
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Very insensitive.
0:20:11 > 0:20:17Oh, dear. You know, I love my job sometimes, I do, I really do.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Next!
0:20:18 > 0:20:20# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:20:20 > 0:20:24# Hope next time it's not you Hoo-hoo! #
0:20:24 > 0:20:29We Stuarts believed that after the Battle of Edgehill in 1642,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31the ghosts of the soldiers who died
0:20:31 > 0:20:34could be seen acting out the battle again and again.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38Whoo, and here's another scary story.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Greetings, fright fans.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49I am Vincenzo Laughoff, and this week's scary story
0:20:49 > 0:20:55is a ghostly tale from Stuart times, The Terror Of Tedworth.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00It was the year 1662.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03A magistrate named John Mompesson
0:21:03 > 0:21:05was visiting the town of Tedworth in Wiltshire,
0:21:05 > 0:21:09where he was disturbed by a local busker repeatedly banging on a drum.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13DRUM BANGS
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Quiet, we're recording.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18The magistrate checked the man's license to busk,
0:21:18 > 0:21:20and, finding it to be a forgery, threw him in jail,
0:21:20 > 0:21:24and confiscated his drum, a decision he would come to regret.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26DRUM DONGS
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Dong indeed. After the busker was freed from jail,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31he simply disappeared,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33and it soon became clear that he must have perished,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37because his ghost started to haunt the mean magistrate.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38GHOST WHOOS
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Oh, no, it was much more than a mere "Whoo, whoo."
0:21:41 > 0:21:44The spirit of the dead busker plagued the magistrate's house.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47At first, his drum began to bang itself.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Then doors would open and shut on their own,
0:21:50 > 0:21:54unseen creatures would gnaw at the walls.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Coins would turn black inside pockets,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00and red, staring eyes would appear in the darkness.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Had the busker's soul come back from the dead
0:22:03 > 0:22:06to wreak his revenge on the meddling magistrate?
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Was his ghost destined to forever haunt the horror-filled house?
0:22:10 > 0:22:14No, he was alive and well, and living in Gloucester.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16What?
0:22:16 > 0:22:19I thought he was dead!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Ah! You see, the drummer wasn't dead at all,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24he was found in Gloucester,
0:22:24 > 0:22:27where he was arrested for stealing a pig?
0:22:27 > 0:22:31There was no ghost at all? What is this, Scooby-Doo?
0:22:31 > 0:22:35You can't have a ghost story where there's no ghost, right?
0:22:35 > 0:22:38All that stuff about a drum banging itself, was that just made up?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41All this does, it just makes me look silly.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I didn't spend two weeks at drama school's summer camp
0:22:44 > 0:22:46to end up doing this sort of rubbish.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Unbelievable.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58One of our most famous Roman generals was called Julius Caesar,
0:22:58 > 0:23:03he went all the way to the top, but what goes up, must come down.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Don't miss this week's News Of The Empire exclusive,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09it's our Caesar special.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12He defeated the Gauls in France, and invaded Britain.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I came, I saw, I conquered, I...
0:23:15 > 0:23:19oh, oh, oh ..I caught a cold, the weather was terrible,
0:23:19 > 0:23:21so I came home again. Atchoo!
0:23:21 > 0:23:26Now, Rome's greatest general has gone from hero to zero,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28yes, JC's reputation is in meltdown,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31because he started going out with the Queen of Egypt.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Has Cleopatra really stolen his heart?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37So what if she has? My wife won't mind.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39We reveal the truth behind the rumours.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Has Cleo really had Caesar's baby?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Well, here's a clue, he's called Caesarean.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47He has got my nose, I suppose.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49BABY CRIES
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- Oh, there, there, it's not that big. - All right!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Plus, it's a fashion faux pas,
0:23:56 > 0:23:59as Caesar is spotted wearing these red boots,
0:23:59 > 0:24:01just like the last King of Rome.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05We ask, is Caesar getting too big for his own boots?
0:24:05 > 0:24:09I just like the colour. It doesn't mean to say I want to be King. What?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12OK, so I have declared myself dictator for life, but...
0:24:12 > 0:24:15And exclusive, the knives are out for Caesar.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17In our assassination pull-out special,
0:24:17 > 0:24:21we list the Senators plotting to stab him in the back.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- Wait a minute, who wants to kill me? - Find out tomorrow.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26No, no, no, seriously, who wants to kill me?
0:24:26 > 0:24:30Only in this week's News Of The Empire, a cracking good read,
0:24:30 > 0:24:33although it is all in Latin.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36It's true, Caesar started wearing red leather boots,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38just like the ancient Roman Kings,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41and they were hated by the people of Rome.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45The last one, Tarquinius Superbus, had been so evil,
0:24:45 > 0:24:48they got rid of kings altogether.
0:24:48 > 0:24:53Hey! Good name though, Superbus. Rattus Superbus.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55I rather like that, suits me.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59Anyway, Caesar really put his foot in it, and ended up, well,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01getting assassinated.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Hello, and welcome to another Crimewatch BC.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Now, we start this week with a murder,
0:25:11 > 0:25:15which took place right in the centre of ancient Rome.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19The victim was this man, Julius Caesar, a soldier and politician,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22who was recently made dictator of Rome for life.
0:25:22 > 0:25:27It seems Mr Caesar may have known he was a possible target.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30On the morning that my husband, Caesar was murdered,
0:25:30 > 0:25:32I had warned him not to go to the Senate.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36All the omens were bad, they were really bad.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Don't go, Caesar! I don't want you to go. A few weeks ago,
0:25:39 > 0:25:43a bird flew into the Senate house with a laurel leaf in its beak.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46- So what?- Well, it's a warning.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49What, a warning that it might poo on someone's head?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52No, it's a warning that someone's going to get killed,
0:25:52 > 0:25:55someone wearing a crown of laurel leaves on their head.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58What? That is just superstitious nonsense.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I've got a feeling something really bad's going to happen.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Oh, yeah, maybe you're right,
0:26:04 > 0:26:08maybe something really, really bad is going to happen, yes.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09Oh, look, SMASH
0:26:09 > 0:26:12it just did. Brilliant. See you later.
0:26:13 > 0:26:18Caesar ignored the bad omens, and went to the Senate House anyway.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22He was murdered there in broad daylight on the 15th of March.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- Take that, Caesar! - Ow, that's me you're stabbing!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Well, I don't know, all I can see is togas!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Ow, you did it again.- Sorry!
0:26:31 > 0:26:36I have with me in the studio, a man who saw the whole thing happen.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40So, why do you think so many people stabbed Caesar?
0:26:40 > 0:26:44I think the murderers thought it would be everyone's responsibility,
0:26:44 > 0:26:47we'd all be in it together. Sorry, they'd all be in it together.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Any idea why THEY did it?
0:26:49 > 0:26:53I'm told they thought Caesar had too much power and wanted to be a King,
0:26:53 > 0:26:55so Caesar had to die!
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Well, that's what some people thought, anyway.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Oh, must remember to do the washing up.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05Also with me in the studio is the man leading the hunt
0:27:05 > 0:27:08for Caesar's murderers, Senator Mark Antony.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Now, Senator, what do we know about the murderers?
0:27:11 > 0:27:16Well, Kirsty, one thing we do know is their identities.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19There's Casca and Cimber. Then there's the ringleaders,
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Brutus and Cassius.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23So, you know who did it, what next?
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Well, we'd very much like to speak to them,
0:27:26 > 0:27:30just a little chat to see if they can assist us in our enquiries.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- Really?- No, we want to kill them and burn down their houses,
0:27:33 > 0:27:37but I don't want to say that in public, just in case they run away.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39See ya!
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Me and my big mouth.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43I should probably run after him.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Go.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Want to travel through the time sewers with me?
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Then play Horrible Histories terrible treasures.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Go to the CBBC website, and click on Horrible Histories.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk