0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:17 > 0:00:23# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:36 > 0:00:39I've got something amazing to show you.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Ta-da!
0:00:40 > 0:00:42It's a ba-na-na.
0:00:42 > 0:00:47No-one had ever seen a ba-na-na in Britain before Stuart times
0:00:47 > 0:00:50and that's not the only thing that was new.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Oh, lovely!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55I really fancy a cuppa.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Oh, me too!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59A nice cuppa hot water.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Nothing like a steaming pot of hot water in the afternoon.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Um, I was, er...
0:01:06 > 0:01:07- Yes?- I was wondering,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10would anyone like some dead leaves in their hot water?
0:01:10 > 0:01:11What?!
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Dead leaves in water?!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Like a puddle in autumn?!
0:01:15 > 0:01:16They're very special leaves,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18all the way from China.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Whoopee-doo(!) So these leaves have been in a sack for months
0:01:21 > 0:01:25while they've gone halfway round the world in a boat.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Manky, musty old leaves and you want to put them in our hot water?!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31They make the hot water taste much nicer.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Please, try some.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Really, Charles.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Honestly, this is the most ludicrous thing I've ever...
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Mmm! Ooh, that is nice!
0:01:39 > 0:01:40See? You see?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43They really do make the hot water taste better!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Oh, I've never heard such nonsense!
0:01:47 > 0:01:52- Mmm! Oh, no - that IS nice! - What do you call this drink?
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Ah! Well, it's called...
0:01:55 > 0:01:56tea.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57- Tea?- Tea.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- Tea.- Tea.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- Tea!- His Majesty King Charles is very fond of it, apparently.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Well, you can see why - it's delicious.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06You know what we should do?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08We should take these leaves of yours,
0:02:08 > 0:02:10put them in a small paper envelope,
0:02:10 > 0:02:14attach a piece of string to it and call it...
0:02:14 > 0:02:17a tea bag!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- John, is everything all right? - Not really, no.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- I do apologise. - Do help yourself to cake.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Yes, let's distract ourselves with cake.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Obviously, no-one invented tea bags until much, much later,
0:02:32 > 0:02:37but there really was no tea in Britain until 1656.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38So, before then,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40it must have been known as Briain.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Do you get it, eh?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43No tea in Britain - Briain.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Briain! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:02:45 > 0:02:46Suit yourself.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49So, the Stuarts thought drinking tea was a bit strange,
0:02:49 > 0:02:53but that doing these things was perfectly normal.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Am I going to have to wait much longer?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11I'm really sorry about this. We're just very short-staffed today
0:03:11 > 0:03:15and I'm waiting for the replacement doctor to come in from...
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Oh, dear. The Stuart era.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Burn the sole of an old shoe and then give it to the patient
0:03:20 > 0:03:22and encourage him to inhale the smoke.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25It is the perfect Stuart cure for swallowing a snake.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28There we are. Now run along.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29How may I be of service?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32This lady's hurt her arm due to a fall.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35It just so happens that I have in my possession,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38a Stuart cure of note for just such an affliction.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Now, I think a little blood-letting
0:03:41 > 0:03:43using a horse leech should do the trick.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Ow! You're making it worse!
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Look - it's bleeding!
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Fear thee not. We shall stop the flow of blood
0:03:50 > 0:03:52using this here feather quill.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55You mean put the feather onto the wound?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Don't be ridiculous, young woman! It is perfectly clear
0:03:58 > 0:04:02that I shall use the quill to write Veronica on her left thumb.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04That should stem the flow of blood.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I feel faint.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I need some water.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- Ugh! What was that?- Ah! Accidentally swallowed a horse leech?
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Well, swallow this elixir.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18It will remedy the affliction in a moment.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- SHE CHOKES - What is it?!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Vinegar mixed with fleas.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25I'm going to be sick.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Nurse, open the window...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28He's talking sense at last!
0:04:28 > 0:04:32..while I spread some birdseed around the patient's feet.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Birdseed?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37It is the catch-all Stuart cure to treat any truly troublesome ailment.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40We just need some pigeons
0:04:40 > 0:04:42to peck at the patient's feet.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44We used the same treatment for Prince Henry.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47And did Prince Henry get better?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49No, he died. Still, second time lucky, eh?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Let's get those pigeons in here.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Come on, encourage them.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Coo! Coo!
0:04:54 > 0:04:55They'll be here soon.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Welcome back to HHTV Sport,
0:05:05 > 0:05:09bringing you exclusive live sporting events from the past.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Today, a big fight special.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15In Viking times, quarrels between families - known as feuds -
0:05:15 > 0:05:18could get very violent and go on for years.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21For more details, let's go over to our commentators field-side.
0:05:21 > 0:05:28And you join us here on day 523 of this nail-biting Viking family feud.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Let's look back at how it all started.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- You stupid moose-face.- What?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35That's how it started. Erik Olafson called Magnus Bloodaxe
0:05:35 > 0:05:36a stupid moose-face.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39And here we are a year and a half later.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Let's see...57 dead.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Both sides sticking to the Viking family feud rules.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46That's right, John. Rule one -
0:05:46 > 0:05:47there are no rules.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Oh, it looks like it's all happening.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53The Olafsons have set fire to a... a Bloodaxe's home.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56It looks like Uncle Ragnar's place.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I think Ragnar's still inside there.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59That's nasty.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Yeah, absolutely.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03And the Bloodaxes are warming up a substitute.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05It's a berserker, Steve! A berserker!
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Now, berserkers are very, very special Viking warriors.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Steve, can you tell us about the special movements we're seeing?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Thanks, John, yeah.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18He's building himself up into what's known as a berserker battle frenzy,
0:06:18 > 0:06:20where he'll become like a wolf or a bear.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I'd say he was doing the wolf.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25I'd say it was the bear.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Wooooooo!
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Definitely a wolf.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31With that howling and frothing at the mouth,
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- he'll be preparing himself to go really wild in the fight.- He's off!
0:06:34 > 0:06:36That's a good start.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37That's extraordinary!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Looks like...a local lord has stepped in
0:06:40 > 0:06:43and, after more than a year of fighting, has ended the feud.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Interesting. The local lord is trying to work out
0:06:46 > 0:06:48which family has suffered the most.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Working out how much the other family have to pay,
0:06:50 > 0:06:54so the feud can end and both families walk away with equal honour.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57The blood money's changing hands and it's all over, Steve.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- It's over.- It's over.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02It's a great shame - the young berserker winding himself up
0:07:02 > 0:07:05for nothing at all. There'll be no more killing here today.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Woooo! - Spoke too soon, Steve! Leg it!
0:07:08 > 0:07:09AAAAARGH!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Yes, we Vikings love to fight.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Dying in battle was an honour
0:07:16 > 0:07:18because it meant you get to go to Valhalla,
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Viking heaven.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23And if you were a chief, you got a really savage send-off too.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Check it out!
0:07:26 > 0:07:29You join us on this, the saddest of days.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Our great leader, Ragnar The Brave, is dead
0:07:32 > 0:07:36and it's time for his traditional Viking funeral.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38As he's laid to rest on his longboat,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41he will be sorely missed by his two sons,
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Olaf The Fierce...
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Grrrarrr! I'm the new leader now!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47..and Sigurd The Bitter.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51I wanted to be the new leader, but it's fine. It's fine! It's fine.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Now everything that Ragnar needs for his journey into the afterlife
0:07:55 > 0:07:57is thrown into the longboat -
0:07:57 > 0:08:00his mighty axe, his steely sword,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02his trusty shield, plenty of food...
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Walrus pie.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07..and his favourite slave girl.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11I was the chief's favourite slave girl? I was his favourite?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Well, this is quite an honour.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16And now the longboat will be set on fire...
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Oh, great(!) I knew there'd be a catch.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24And the ceremony would not be complete
0:08:24 > 0:08:25without a moving Viking poem.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Ragnar The Brave has lost his head
0:08:29 > 0:08:30We Vikings aren't sad
0:08:30 > 0:08:32We party instead!
0:08:32 > 0:08:33AAAARRRRGH!
0:08:33 > 0:08:38And so the solemn Viking funeral ends in the traditional Viking way.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Right, who wants a fight?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43It's what Ragnar would have wanted!
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- RAAAARRRR!- AAAARRRRGH!- RAAAARRR!
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Such moving scenes.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Quite brings a tear to the eye.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I LOVE A GOOD FUNERAL!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Hello, people of Britain.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04I'm here to tell you how to stay nice and safe during an air raid,
0:09:04 > 0:09:06with the new Anderson bomb shelter.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09It comes with easy-to-follow assembly instructions.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Simply dig a hole in your garden
0:09:12 > 0:09:14and with the magic of wood, corrugated iron
0:09:14 > 0:09:16and a bit of elbow grease...
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Hey, presto! One Anderson bomb-raid shelter.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22There's plenty of room for everyone.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23- Budge up!- Give over!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26You could be in here for up to six hours during a bombing raid,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28so remember to bring a good book.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31War And Peace - good choice.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Oh, would you stop...?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36The Anderson bomb shelter comes with its own en-suite toilet.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41Oh, yuck! Where's my gas mask? Ugh!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43It could save your life, so don't delay!
0:09:43 > 0:09:47Build your Anderson bomb shelter today!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50And introducing the new Morrison shelter.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54If you've not got a garden, then this little beauty could be for you.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58It makes a lovely addition to any London home.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01You can even play table tennis on it.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02My point, I think.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Be safe from those bombs with the new Morrison shelter.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09BOOM! Oh, dear! Budge up!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Room for a small one?
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Come along.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Every home needed its own air-raid shelter during the Blitz,
0:10:16 > 0:10:20but German bombs weren't the only thing that made life dangerous.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true
0:10:26 > 0:10:31# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Well, they had slits up the side.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37What's the point in...? Your legs'll get cold.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Yes, er, next, please.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40And you are?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43A businessman from London during the Blitz.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Oh, no. A cockney. Here we go again.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Let me guess - killed by a bomb, was it, gov?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51No, it's a bit more embarrassing than that.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Oh! Goody gumdrops! Do go on.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58One night I was on the train home from work during the blackout.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00MIMICS COCKNEY ACCENT: The blackout?
0:11:00 > 0:11:02To stop the German bombers from finding London,
0:11:02 > 0:11:05every night they'd have a blackout - no lights allowed.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Oh, blackout! Oh, I see!
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Or rather, I don't! Ha-ha-ha!
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Keep up, guys. Keep up. Do go on.
0:11:12 > 0:11:17So there I was on me train home and suddenly the train came to a halt
0:11:17 > 0:11:19and I thought, "This is my station."
0:11:19 > 0:11:21So I'm tootling off the train
0:11:21 > 0:11:23and suddenly, "Whoa!"
0:11:23 > 0:11:24Splat!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Fell 30 feet to my death.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Very good, but...
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Turns out the train was just waiting on a railway bridge.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34HE LAUGHS
0:11:34 > 0:11:37You thought it was the platform and you...
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Ha-ha-ha-ha! That is priceless!
0:11:40 > 0:11:42You had a one-way ticket -
0:11:42 > 0:11:44straight down! Ha-ha-ha!
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Ha! Good! I like it, I like...
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Yes, I agree.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Oh, shut up, Louis!
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Ooh! Who would have thought that?
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Well done! You've got two yeses. You're into the afterlife.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Oh, thank you kindly.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- Enjoy the trip!- Oh, cheers, yeah.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I was referring to the trip...
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Oh, yeah. Yeah. Whoo-whoo!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06THEY LAUGH Enjoy! I liked him.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Good smile. Kids'll love him.
0:12:08 > 0:12:14# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #
0:12:24 > 0:12:26It's...
0:12:26 > 0:12:27true!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31It was so dangerous in the cities
0:12:31 > 0:12:35that lots of schoolchildren had to be sent somewhere safer.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40'He had been evacuated from the city to a foster home in the country.'
0:12:40 > 0:12:42This is your new home now, Charlie,
0:12:42 > 0:12:45until the Germans stop bombing London.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Don't worry - you'll be safe here.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Can I go play, Mrs Jones?
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Of course, Charlie.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Mind you don't come to any harm.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53'But here, he was to face
0:12:53 > 0:12:56'something even more terrifying than German bombs.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00'It was like nothing he'd ever seen before in the city.'
0:13:00 > 0:13:01MOO!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03AAARRRGH!
0:13:05 > 0:13:06MOO!
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Aaargh! It had horns!
0:13:09 > 0:13:10To butt with!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12It made a terrifying noise!
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- Moo!- >
0:13:14 > 0:13:15Argh!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17It had six eyes.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20And a tail on which hangs a brush!
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Don't be silly, Charlie.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23It's just a cow.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Aaargh!
0:13:25 > 0:13:28'Everything was new. Everything was scary.'
0:13:28 > 0:13:29- Baa!- >
0:13:29 > 0:13:30AAAAARRRRGH!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33AAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!
0:13:33 > 0:13:35AARGH!
0:13:35 > 0:13:39There's nothing to be scared of, Charlie. They're just farm animals.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Why don't you have a relaxing bath?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43A bath?! Are you trying to drown me?!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Aaaarrrgh!
0:13:46 > 0:13:50'Just when you thought it was safer in the country.'
0:13:50 > 0:13:52It is.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56It's true - some children from the city had never seen animals before
0:13:56 > 0:13:59and they weren't used to regular baths either.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01When one pair of evacuees saw a bath,
0:14:01 > 0:14:03they really thought they were going to be drowned.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Me, I always have a regular bath.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08One every other year.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15We didn't write things down in Incan Peru.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19Messages were sent around the empire using a relay team of runners
0:14:19 > 0:14:20called the Chasquis.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24It was a real test of fitness and memory.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27You asked for me, Chief.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Are you from the Chasquis Messenger Services?- Yes, Chief.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34I want you to relay the following message to the High Chief at Nazca,
0:14:34 > 0:14:3650 miles to the west.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Yes, Chief. What's the message?
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Message is...
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Invaders are nearing the coast.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Defences must be reinforced.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Send 50 men with spears under cover of night
0:14:48 > 0:14:49and please hurry.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50Now, go.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- HE PANTS - Chasquis Messenger Service.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59Message is...
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Invaders are nearing the coast.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03The fences must be reinforced.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Send 50 spears under cover of night. Please hurry.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Sweet.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- HE PANTS - Invaders are hearing the most.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Um, the fence is dusty.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Feel the force.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Send 50 spears under the cover of rice.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Please hurry.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27HE PANTS The invaders are hearing the ghost.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29This fence is rusty.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30Peel the horse.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Send 50 spears
0:15:31 > 0:15:32under cover of rice...
0:15:32 > 0:15:33and peas.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37What news?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40The invaders in earrings are ghosts.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43The fence was rusted by a peeing horse.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Send Britney Spears covered in pea and rice curry.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Well, you heard the man.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55Thankfully, the Chasquis messengers didn't just rely on their memories.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58They also used an elaborate system of knotted string,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00which was so complicated,
0:16:00 > 0:16:03the Incas had to spend an entire year at school
0:16:03 > 0:16:04just learning to tie knots!
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Huh! And you thought double maths was bad!
0:16:07 > 0:16:10No wonder some of their stories sound a bit mixed up.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Hello and welcome to the News At When.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19When - the 1000s,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22and in South America, the Incas have emerged
0:16:22 > 0:16:25and set about building their very own empire.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28They have an incredible story of how it all happened.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Some of it is true, a lot of it probably isn't,
0:16:31 > 0:16:35but here, anyway, is Bob Hale with the Incan report. Bob.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Thank you, Sam. Well, the year is 1070 or thereabouts.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39That, there, is Peru
0:16:39 > 0:16:43and the Incan people are just about to magically appear from a cave.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45It sounds weird. You don't have to believe it.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48The important thing is, the Incans believed it.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51One generation told it to the next, who told it to the next...
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Just like I'm telling it to you, but without the rather fetching tie.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57First out of the cave, we have this chap - Manco -
0:16:57 > 0:17:00followed by his brothers, sisters and the rest of the Incan people.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Manco appoints himself leader and to ensure he stays that way,
0:17:04 > 0:17:05promptly kills all his brothers.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Better safe than sorry!
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Then he marries his sister - yuck!
0:17:08 > 0:17:12They have some children - yuck! They settle in a place called Cuzco.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Yuck for the people who lived there because the Incans kicked them out.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19See ya! So Manco becomes the first lord of Cuzco.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22The Incans have a place to call home and that is the end of that.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23But not for long!
0:17:23 > 0:17:25When mighty Manco pops his socks,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28there's an argument about which son will replace him,
0:17:28 > 0:17:29but Mrs Manco sorts it out.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31She wants it to be her favourite son, Sinchi,
0:17:31 > 0:17:34so she dresses him up in this pure gold tunic -
0:17:34 > 0:17:36one that's almost as fetching as my tie -
0:17:36 > 0:17:38and pretends he is the sun god,
0:17:38 > 0:17:40a plan, which - quite unbelievably - works!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Since no-one will argue with the sun god,
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Sinchi becomes the second lord of Cuzco!
0:17:44 > 0:17:47But not for long! After inventing the official royal haircut...
0:17:47 > 0:17:48Yes, I'm serious.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50..Sinchi is replaced by Lord Lloque,
0:17:50 > 0:17:53who's so ugly, his own wife can't bear to look at him.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56He looks like a plate of mince. Unlucky, Lloque.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Then comes this big bully - Mayta - and I mean he's big!
0:17:59 > 0:18:02By the age of one, he was the size of an eight-year-old child.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Just imagine the nappies! Eugh!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Then comes his son, Capac, known as the unforgettable prince,
0:18:08 > 0:18:10who is promptly forgotten about.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13We know nothing about him except he was followed by his son, Roca...
0:18:13 > 0:18:15HE SINGS A ROCK RIFF
0:18:15 > 0:18:17..who was then followed by his son, Yahua,
0:18:17 > 0:18:20who was then murdered by his son, Viracocha.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Not satisfied by being lord of Cuzco,
0:18:22 > 0:18:23he insists on being called God.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Big-headed much?!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28If you thought that was arrogant, you should see what he gets up to!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31He starts taking over all the neighbouring lands
0:18:31 > 0:18:34and pretty soon bullying becomes the family business.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35Along comes his son, Pachacutec
0:18:35 > 0:18:37and his grandson, Tupac
0:18:37 > 0:18:39who take over enough land to create the one and only...
0:18:39 > 0:18:41# Da da-da da-da-da-da! #
0:18:41 > 0:18:42..Incan Empire!
0:18:42 > 0:18:43And that is the end of that!
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Or so we thought!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47in 1493, Huayna becomes the Incan Emperor
0:18:47 > 0:18:50and while he's off conquering Ecuador, up there,
0:18:50 > 0:18:52trouble turns up back down in Cuzco,
0:18:52 > 0:18:53trouble that looks like this.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Aliens!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56No, not really. It's germs!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58A plague from Bolivia, down there, sweeps up,
0:18:58 > 0:19:00killing thousands of Incans.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03What does Huayna do? Rushes home, catches the plague and dies.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06What an idiot! While the Incans are busy dying,
0:19:06 > 0:19:08even more trouble turns up! Aliens!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10No, not really. It's the Spanish Conquistadors
0:19:10 > 0:19:13who want the Incan gold and what do they bring with them?
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Aliens! No, just even more germs - diseases from Europe this time,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18smallpox, in fact.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Should have been called bigpox because they killed so many Incans.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24After going from one tiny cave to an entire empire,
0:19:24 > 0:19:26the Incans were wiped out by a combination of
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Spanish greediness, Incan weediness, wheezes, sneezes and diseases
0:19:30 > 0:19:32and not by knobbly kneeses, short-term leases,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35ceaseless sea breezes, winter freezes, the Japaneses
0:19:35 > 0:19:38or this fine selection of Greek cheeses,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40including this feta to which I am allergic.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42- HE CHOKES - Oh, no - I'm fine.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Oh, no - I'm not!
0:19:52 > 0:19:54So, that's your homework -
0:19:54 > 0:19:56learn 100 English words.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Do we have to, miss?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Yes, you do! The English run all the schools in Wales,
0:20:01 > 0:20:03so which language do we speak?
0:20:03 > 0:20:07- ALL:- English, miss.- And what happens if I hear you speaking Welsh?
0:20:07 > 0:20:10We have to wear the Welsh Not, miss.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11That's right.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13You have to put on the Welsh Not
0:20:13 > 0:20:14like Jenkins, here.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Jenkins, you used a Welsh word, didn't you?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Yes, miss.- Which word did you say?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Miss! I know - it was Cymru.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28You said it! You said a Welsh word! You have to put the Welsh Not on.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30GIRL GIGGLES What are you sniggering at, girl?
0:20:30 > 0:20:35Sorry, miss. I just can't believe he said Cymru.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Oh, dear.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38What are we going to do now?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Wear the Welsh Not, miss?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Correct, and we all know what happens to the last person
0:20:44 > 0:20:48to be wearing the Welsh Not at the end of the school day, don't we?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50- Yes, miss.- They get...
0:20:50 > 0:20:52a beating!
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- Miss?- Yes.- What does Cymru mean?
0:20:55 > 0:20:56THEY GASP
0:20:56 > 0:20:59It's Welsh for Wales, but the bell's about to go,
0:20:59 > 0:21:01so bend over for your beating.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Yes, miss.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Ah, somebody's been speaking Welsh, have they?
0:21:10 > 0:21:11Yes, headmaster.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Some people never learn.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15The silly clot asked me what Cymru means!
0:21:15 > 0:21:17THEY GASP
0:21:17 > 0:21:19BELL RINGS
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Let this be a lesson to you.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26THWACK! Ow! Thank you, sir.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29THWACK! Ow! Sorry, sir.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Schools were made free in 1891.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Until then, it cost a penny a day
0:21:34 > 0:21:37and not all parents thought it was value for money.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Good day.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42MUSIC: EastEnders Theme Tune
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Mother, Father. You wanted to see me?
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Ah, here she is -
0:21:48 > 0:21:50our beloved 16th daughter.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- What's your name again?- Chastity.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Chastity! I told you!
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Right, Chastity, we'd like to talk to you on your school attendance.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- Yes?- It seems you've been going.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Every day.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03After everything we've done for you,
0:22:03 > 0:22:06could you not at least have bunked off school once?
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Costs us a penny every day, five days a week, 40 weeks a year!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Have you any idea how much that is?
0:22:12 > 0:22:145 times 40...
0:22:14 > 0:22:16200 pence.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- I learned maths at school. - It's a waste of time.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22You should be down that factory bringing some money in!
0:22:22 > 0:22:25If you're so good at maths, you tell me what you get
0:22:25 > 0:22:29when you divide a loaf of bread between 18 people?
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Nothing!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32It's an 18th, actually.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Oh, Father. Where did we go wrong?
0:22:35 > 0:22:38I thought you'd be pleased. Look at my school report.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39I'm doing really well.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Aren't you going to read it?
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- We can't read!- Well, I can.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48I learned how to at school and it says I'm top of the class.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50You should be top of a chimney with a brush in your hand!
0:22:50 > 0:22:54That's what I was doing at your age. It didn't do me any h...
0:22:54 > 0:22:57HE COUGHS AND CHOKES
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Or you should be down at the ribbon factory like me.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02But I like school.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05What's to like about school, eh? What do you like?
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Is it the learning or the ruthless beating?
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Cos if it is the beatings you like, darling, your dad'll beat you.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I certainly will and I won't charge you a penny a day for it either.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17But they don't beat me. I'm a good pupil.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20The teacher says, if I pass my exams, I could become a teacher.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22What do you want to be a teacher for, eh?
0:23:22 > 0:23:26You want to beat up innocent kids all day, earning £60 a year?
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Hang on.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31That's more than I earn in a decade!
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Oh, Chastity, darling.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36We're so proud of you, darling.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38- She's my favourite, I always said.- I know.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39So when do you start?
0:23:39 > 0:23:40That's right -
0:23:40 > 0:23:44in Victorian times, you could become a teacher aged just 14.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45How silly was that?
0:23:45 > 0:23:49I mean, what classes could a teenage boy teach?
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Double spot-picking
0:23:50 > 0:23:53followed by how to sleep in late and wear your jeans too low?
0:23:53 > 0:23:54Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Hi, I'm a lonesome cowboy.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02HE BREAKS WIND
0:24:02 > 0:24:04And that's why!
0:24:04 > 0:24:05When I go out driving cattle,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08there's three things I always take with me -
0:24:08 > 0:24:10my six gun,
0:24:10 > 0:24:11my hat
0:24:11 > 0:24:13and the must-have cowboy accessory -
0:24:13 > 0:24:16the mew multi-purpose bandana.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Yes, the new multi-purpose bandana is...
0:24:19 > 0:24:21a dust mask when you're driving cattle,
0:24:21 > 0:24:24sun protection for the back of the neck,
0:24:24 > 0:24:26an oven glove when you're holding a hot pot of beans.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29It's also useful when you've eaten the beans.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31- HE BREAKS WIND - Poo-ee!
0:24:31 > 0:24:32And that's not all!
0:24:32 > 0:24:34New multi-purpose bandana also...
0:24:34 > 0:24:38makes a handy tourniquet if you get bitten by a rattlesnake,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41or a great sling if you break a limb.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44It even doubles up as earmuffs in cold weather.
0:24:44 > 0:24:45And that's not all!
0:24:45 > 0:24:48New multi-purpose bandana is also...
0:24:48 > 0:24:51a useful mask if you want to steal something.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Good day to you, sir. Now hand over all your bandanas.
0:24:55 > 0:25:00New multi-purpose bandana. Available now in general stores.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Warning - trying to steal a bandana can result in a nasty headache!
0:25:03 > 0:25:06CLANG! I told you so!
0:25:22 > 0:25:24The answer is...
0:25:24 > 0:25:27they are all genuine cowboy towns!
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Who'd have thought it?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Actually, that's a real cowboy town name, too.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Who'd Have Thought It - Alabama.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Howdy.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38You know what you need to be a genuine cowboy?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Cows.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42You ain't herding cattle, you ain't no cowboy.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46HE PLAYS HARMONICA
0:25:46 > 0:25:48# Well, I'm a real-life cowboy
0:25:48 > 0:25:50# Just a quiet, humble fella
0:25:50 > 0:25:52# That's what we're like Apart from Mike
0:25:52 > 0:25:54# Yeah, I'm more of a yeller
0:25:54 > 0:25:57# Sing songs to pass the evenings
0:25:57 > 0:25:59# And because it soothes the herd So they won't stampede
0:25:59 > 0:26:01# Unless Mike sings lead
0:26:01 > 0:26:03# And shouts every single word... #
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- Mike!- Sorry!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08# ..Cos we're cowboys
0:26:08 > 0:26:09# Real-life cowboys
0:26:09 > 0:26:14# Not like the ones you've seen on your TV
0:26:14 > 0:26:16# We've never held up banks at all
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- # We're poorly paid - And kind of small
0:26:19 > 0:26:22# You still want to be a cowboy Stick with me
0:26:25 > 0:26:27# On your horse for 18 hours
0:26:27 > 0:26:29# Saddle sores a curse
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- # Then feed your horse - And yourself of course
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- # Those beans just make it worse! # - HE BREAKS WIND
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- # Then you're back driving cattle - That's what being a cowboy means
0:26:37 > 0:26:39# Moving those beasts from west to east
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- HE BREAKS WIND - # Sorry, it's the beans!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44# Cos we're cowboys
0:26:44 > 0:26:46# Real-life cowboys
0:26:46 > 0:26:50# Not like the ones you've seen in the movies
0:26:50 > 0:26:53# We're not big hunks like that John Wayne
0:26:53 > 0:26:55# Cos our horses would complain
0:26:55 > 0:26:57# If you still want to be a cowboy
0:26:57 > 0:26:59# Join us, please.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05# You should be aware we have some customs that are strange
0:27:05 > 0:27:10# Like saying howdy and not hello when you're out here on the range
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# Never touch a cowboy's hat
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# Never ride his horse
0:27:14 > 0:27:16# So what if I took your old mare?
0:27:16 > 0:27:18- # Well, I'd shoot you, of course! - Fair enough!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# Cowboys
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# Real-life cowboys
0:27:22 > 0:27:26# Not like the ones you see on silver screens
0:27:26 > 0:27:28# We don't go out starting fights
0:27:28 > 0:27:30# Cos unions fought for our rights
0:27:30 > 0:27:35# Now Mike will do a solo thanks to beans... #
0:27:35 > 0:27:37HE BREAKS WIND TUNEFULLY
0:27:40 > 0:27:41How was that?
0:27:41 > 0:27:42It stunk!
0:27:43 > 0:27:47# ..And now, my friends I fear that the end is drawing near
0:27:47 > 0:27:50# Cos we only ruled the range for 20 years. #
0:27:52 > 0:27:54ALL: Yee-haw!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:27:56 > 0:27:57# The ugly truth... #
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Want to travel through the time sewers with me?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Then play Horrible Histories' Terrible Treasures.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07# ..a mystery
0:28:07 > 0:28:12# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #