0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:23# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Being held prisoner in the Middle Ages could be pretty nasty.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42But that wasn't always the case.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47His Majesty John Balliol, the rightful King of Scotland.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Hey, did you see that grouse?
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Here, give those to cook. Tell her to add them to tonight's banquet.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54You, play me a song. Something soothing.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57It's been a very busy day
0:00:57 > 0:01:00and who the devil are you?
0:01:00 > 0:01:04- I'm the legal expert you sent for, Sire.- Ah, the lawyer.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Excellent. Come on.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Now, I am hoping that you can help me
0:01:09 > 0:01:12overturn a terrible miscarriage of justice.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15There is a very important man currently languishing
0:01:15 > 0:01:19in the most famous jail in England and I want you to get him out.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Of course, your Majesty, and who is this man?
0:01:22 > 0:01:23It's me, you idiot!
0:01:23 > 0:01:26You wouldn't keep an animal like this. It's inhumane.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Fruit, Sire?
0:01:27 > 0:01:31I don't like grapes. You see what I mean?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33So this isn't your castle, then?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35This is the Tower of London.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I am the King of Scotland.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Well, I was, until your stupid King Edward stole my throne
0:01:41 > 0:01:43and trapped me in here.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I am a King reduced
0:01:45 > 0:01:47to the status of a bum.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48HE SNORTS
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Don't laugh at bum, Terry.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52It demeans us both.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Well, Sire, if I'm completely honest.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56I've visited a few jails in my time
0:01:56 > 0:01:58and the conditions here are...
0:01:59 > 0:02:01..not the worst I've seen.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04It would seem you've just been out hunting.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05And your point is?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Most prisons, they don't tend to let you out.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09In fact, as far as I can see,
0:02:09 > 0:02:13the only real punishment here is how much you must miss your family.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Why would I? They're right next door.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18- All right, kids?- Hello, Daddy!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Well, in that case, if I may speak frankly,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23I've no idea what on earth you're complaining about.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Of course you don't.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Because you're not a Scotsman.
0:02:28 > 0:02:34You don't know what it's like to have your body here in London,
0:02:34 > 0:02:38when your heart and soul lives only in the Highlands
0:02:38 > 0:02:40and until I am returned to my homeland,
0:02:40 > 0:02:45I shall be a prisoner every day of my life.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I could probably get you banished to France.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Done! Actually that's better, cos the weather's nice.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54OK, everyone. We're moving to France.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56ALL: Yeah!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Not you. Come on, everyone. Join on.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Vive la France, hey! Vive la France, hey! Vive la France...
0:03:04 > 0:03:07That's 100% accu-rat.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10John Balliol, King of Scotland was released from the infamous
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Tower of London in 1299 and allowed to go to France.
0:03:14 > 0:03:19But not everyone found it quite so easy to escape the Tower.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:03:23 > 0:03:25# They're funny cos they're true
0:03:25 > 0:03:28# Wooh! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:03:28 > 0:03:31# Hope next time it's not you. Hee-hee! #
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Yes, they've been a bit boring today.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38Sometimes I worry we'll never find another really, really stupid death.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Next!
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Woah! Hold the phones. We've found a doozy. Name?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- Griffith Ap Llewelyn. - Let's hear your story.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I can't wait. Come on, come on.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52So, I was a prisoner locked high up in the famous Tower of London.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54But I wasn't going to hang about.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- I had a brilliant plan for escaping, see.- Go on, go on.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59So I made a rope out of bed sheets
0:03:59 > 0:04:02and lowered it out of the window to escape from the Tower.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Ye-es?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Down and down I went until...
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- Please be good! Please be good! - I ran out of bed sheet!
0:04:09 > 0:04:10HE LAUGHS
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I made it 10 metres too short!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I fell, landed on my head and died.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Aha-ha-ha-ha!
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- That's why I've gone like that.- And that's why you're "Uurgh!" Oh, hey.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Er, what do you call the Welshman who tries to escape
0:04:23 > 0:04:25with a rope that's 10 metres too short?
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- Dai the Stupid Death. - THEY LAUGH
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Spelled D-A-I. Cos it's a Welsh name.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- Yeah, it's like the Welsh name, Dai. - Do you get it?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- Well, me and him get it. - That's right.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Very good. Congratulations. You're through to the afterlife.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- See you later. - Oh! Er, mind how you go.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44There's a bit of a drop on the other side.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46HE LAUGHS
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- I'd land on my bottom and my head would pop back out.- It might do!
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Off you go, now.- OK, See you later. - Don't milk it.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57I like him a lot. Best we've had today. I mean it.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58I won't hear anything else.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Shh! Next!
0:05:00 > 0:05:02# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:05:02 > 0:05:06# Hope next time it's not yo-o-ou. #
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Good morning, Mrs Grimshaw.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- And how are we feeling today? - Oh, my throat is killing me.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- Don't you worry. The doctor will be here soon.- Yeah.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- It's amazing what they can do with modern medicine, isn't it?- Mm, yeah.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35But unfortunately, you won't be getting any.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37You're doctor's from Ancient Rome.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Hail, patient. I'm Dr Galen.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41What appears to be the problem?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43This is Mrs Grimshaw.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46She was admitted late last night with inflammation of the throat.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Oh, yes. She appears to have a rash.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Possibly a reaction to a bite.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- Nurse, bring me a spider immediately.- What for?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55The best cure for a spider bite
0:05:55 > 0:05:57is to crush the body of the spider in the bite.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58I don't think it's a spider bite.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01A snake? Then we should pour wine up her nostrils
0:06:01 > 0:06:03and smear the bite in pig poo.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05No, I don't think it's a bite at all.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08She says the pain is inside her throat.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Yeah, yeah. It's red raw. I could barely breathe last night.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I thought I was having some sort of seizure.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Hail, Seizure. Well, that could be epilepsy but don't you worry.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21A nice glass of gladiator's blood and you'll be right as rain.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Mm, nutty.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27- You said it, love. - Doctor, here's a crazy idea.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Why don't you come round here and have a look down her throat?
0:06:31 > 0:06:32Mm. Couldn't hurt, I suppose.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34All right. Open wide.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Oh. Looks like tonsillitis.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Er, nurse, fetch the surgeon.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Don't worry, Mrs G.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- We'll have those nasty tonsils out in no time.- Finally!
0:06:44 > 0:06:48- Someone who knows what they're doing.- I wouldn't be so sure.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- Hail, Claudius.- Hail, Geoff.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53So, whipping out the old tonsils, are we?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Oh, is that going to be painful?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Yes! Yes, it is. But don't worry.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Us Roman surgeons are specially trained
0:07:00 > 0:07:03to completely block out the sound of screaming.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05THEY LAUGH
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Now, then.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- Waaaah!- Did anyone hear something?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Waaah!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Couldn't hear a thing. Couldn't hear a thing.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18It's true. Roman army surgeons
0:07:18 > 0:07:20really were trained to ignore shouting and screaming.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23As are us rats, when we're spotted in the kitchen.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26They were actually very good at healing wounds
0:07:26 > 0:07:28and thanks to them, lots of soldiers
0:07:28 > 0:07:31survived some pretty terrible injuries.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34But not all Roman medicine was as sensible. No, no.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Hi, I'm a shouty man and I'm here to tell you about
0:07:38 > 0:07:40new Criminal's Head.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42It's the Roman medical sensation.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45You won't believe all the things new Criminal's Head can cure.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Do you suffer from gum disease?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- Uurgh!- I'm no scientist,
0:07:49 > 0:07:51but I'll take that as a yes.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Simply pluck a tooth from new Criminal's Head
0:07:54 > 0:07:56and scrape it against your diseased gums.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58It'll get rid of those nasty painful sores
0:07:58 > 0:08:00and make them up to a bit percent better.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- I don't think it worked.- It did.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06And there's more. Have you been bitten by a dog?
0:08:06 > 0:08:07- Grrr!- I'm no scientist,
0:08:07 > 0:08:09but I'll take that as a yes.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Then simply swallow one of these pills,
0:08:11 > 0:08:14made from the skull of new Criminal's Head
0:08:14 > 0:08:16and your dog bite will be cured in no time.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Is there nothing you can't do? And that's not all.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23New Criminal's Head will cure all known diseases, or no money back.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Are you sick?
0:08:25 > 0:08:26I'm no scientist,
0:08:26 > 0:08:28but that looks contagious. Is it contagious?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Then simply take a hair from new Criminal's Head
0:08:31 > 0:08:34and you won't believe... Oh, dear. Never mind.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40And for this month only, buy new Criminal's Head
0:08:40 > 0:08:43and get Hanky Dipped in Blood absolutely free.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45That's right. New Hanky Dipped In Blood,
0:08:45 > 0:08:47dipped in the blood of new Criminal's Head.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Guaranteed to bring you good luuuuuu...
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Or no money back.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11The answer is
0:09:11 > 0:09:12all three.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20In fact, before the French Revolution of 1789,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23the lives of the rich and poor couldn't have been more different.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26This week, we're in France for a special royal edition
0:09:26 > 0:09:28of Historical Wife Swap.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32The King of France, Louis XVI and his wife, Marie Antoinette
0:09:32 > 0:09:34will be doing a Wife Swap with...
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Mr and Mrs French Peasant.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40But how will these two extremes of the French class system get on?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Welcome to my humble abode, Mrs Peasant.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Oh, your trousers. They appear to be around your ankles.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56I know! I do it all the time to make my friends laugh.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Because I am your loveable, eccentric King Louis XVI.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Ah, we are going to have so much fun!
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Benoit, you show Mrs Peasant to her room. Oh!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09If you don't like it, you can pick another one.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11We have 700 rooms here. Hah?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Meanwhile, over at the Peasant cottage...
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Which way is my room?
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- This is your room. And my room. It is- THE- room.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Ha-ha-ha! Oh, very funny!
0:10:23 > 0:10:26My husband also likes to drop his trousers.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30I've lost so much weight zat they keep falling down.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Us French peasants are starving to death.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Well, anyway. It's very funny when Louis does it.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39So, are things going any better at the royal palace?
0:10:39 > 0:10:44- Tell me, Mrs P, would you like some cake?- Oh, yes, please.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Benoit? Bring some cake, please.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Ah! SPLAT!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Oh, I am a loveable eccentric, non?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Am I not, Benoit?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Oui. Tres amusant(!)
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Oh, do you mind? Only I haven't eaten for weeks.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- Be my guest.- Mm.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07Ze King just asked me if I wanted to have a bath in crushed strawberries.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10These royals, they are so out of touch!
0:11:10 > 0:11:14We peasants are starving and they are having baths full of strawberries?!
0:11:14 > 0:11:19Obviously, I will scoff the lot. I am a starving peasant.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Mm!
0:11:21 > 0:11:24It's supper time at the peasant cottage.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28You don't expect me to eat grass! Do you think I look like a cow?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Serious question?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32But surely you peasants don't really eat grass?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Last year, there was a terrible harvest
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and now the price of wheat is so high, we can't afford bread.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42So yes, some of us have resorted to eating grass.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52I must say that this whole experience
0:11:52 > 0:11:55has been a real eye-opener for me.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I mean, the poverty, the hardships,
0:11:57 > 0:12:01I have learnt so much.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06Like never hang out with peasants. Yuck!
0:12:06 > 0:12:07The Wife Swap is at an end,
0:12:07 > 0:12:09and it's time for the royals and peasants
0:12:09 > 0:12:12to settle their differences.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Oh! Look at that. Your trousers are round your ankles.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20This country does not need a loveable eccentric for a king.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22France is penniless and yet you royals,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25you're spending money like it grows on trees.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29Which is silly, because it...doesn't?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32How can you bear to see your country in such a state?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Er, excuse me.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39I'm from Austria. This isn't actually my country.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40It's true!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42I don't think you are helping.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Let's start a revolution.- Oui.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48BOTH: Down with the royals! Vive la revolution!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Don't worry, darling. I know exactly how to deal with this.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Tick. Tock.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Boom, voila!
0:12:55 > 0:12:58A-ha-ha-ha! Look!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02I don't think it's working. Run.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- Vive la revolution!- Wait for me.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09And so began the French Revolution.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Louis XIV and Marie Antoinette tried to escape the angry peasants
0:13:12 > 0:13:15in Paris by fleeing disguised as servants.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18They were arrested after a merchant recognised the King
0:13:18 > 0:13:21from his face on a coin.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Heads you lose, eh?
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Which, as it happens, is exactly what happened to Louis. Ha-ha-ha!
0:13:26 > 0:13:27What?
0:13:27 > 0:13:32Oh, he got his head chopped off. It's a joke! Tut, suit yourself.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39The British Army had help from all kinds of countries
0:13:39 > 0:13:42in the First World War, so you could've been in for a surprise
0:13:42 > 0:13:44when you arrived in the British trenches.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Private Tommy Jones reporting for duty, sir.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Proud to be part of the British Army, sir.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Pardon, monsieur. Er, nous somme le Bataillon Canadien.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Er, am I in the French Army trench?
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Non, monsieur. We are Canadian soldiers.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08Part of the British Forces here to fight le Germans.
0:14:08 > 0:14:13- Oh. Where can I find the British Regiment?- That way, my chum.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15OK, Thank you. Bit weird, but cheers.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Private Tommy Jones reporting for duty, sir.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Proud to be part of the British Army, sir.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24At ease, ya limey shark biscuit.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27If you're looking for the other pommy cobbers,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30you need to go up there and dip your lid to the bludger with the stripes.
0:14:31 > 0:14:37- YELLS: Where are the British Forces? - Just hang on a tick, mate.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- We- ARE- part of the British Forces, ya cheeky larrikin!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Your lot are up there.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44All right. Thank you.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Private Tommy Jones reporting for duty, sir. Er...
0:14:51 > 0:14:55I guess you're not looking for the South African Division, my friend?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58No, I'm not. Do you know where the British part
0:14:58 > 0:14:59of the British Forces are?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Oh, yeah. You want to head down here,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04do a left at the West Indians, then a right at the Ghurkhas
0:15:04 > 0:15:07head straight through the Indian division,
0:15:07 > 0:15:09and stop just before the New Zealanders.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- All right? God save the King! - Yeah, whatever.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- Excuse me.- Yeah.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Is this the part of the British Forces with the actual British in?
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- That's right. - Oh, thank goodness for that.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I've spent the last hour looking for you lot.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Half the British Forces are from other countries.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- I couldn't understand a word they said.- Don't worry. You're here now.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32collect your bunk, your fleabag and your daisies from the devil-dodger,
0:15:32 > 0:15:34watch out for chats and Canutes,
0:15:34 > 0:15:36you should avoid getting chin-strapped
0:15:36 > 0:15:39or sent to the rest camp with a meat ticket cause you're a landowner.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Know what? I think I might go back to that French lot.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Au revoir!
0:15:48 > 0:15:49That's right.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54In World War I, soldiers from Canada, Australia, South Africa,
0:15:54 > 0:15:58India and other countries fought for Britain in France.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Thousands of miles away from their homes and families.
0:16:01 > 0:16:06Alongside troops from England, Wales, Ireland and Scotland.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Because your legs are beautiful,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12because your skin is beautiful,
0:16:12 > 0:16:13because you're worth it,
0:16:13 > 0:16:17wear ladies tights beneath your kilt.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19- Hang on, that's a man!? - That's right.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Scottish soldiers always wear ladies tights in the trenches.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26For one, it keeps you nice and warm and for two,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29ye dinnae want bare legs if there's a gas attack.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Here's the expensive graphic-y bit.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36In tests, ladies tights have been proven to stop up to 90%
0:16:36 > 0:16:39of the damage enemy gas attacks cause to naked legs.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42So now, whatever the Germans throw at you,
0:16:42 > 0:16:44you can wear your kilt with confidence.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46New ladies tights for men.
0:16:46 > 0:16:51Because in the trenches, a man's best friend is his ladies tights.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Oof! Though they don't half ride up a bit. Oh!
0:17:00 > 0:17:05Our Tudor Queen Elizabeth I was a very difficult woman to impress.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Happy Christmas, your Majesty.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12A ring. Why thank you, Cecil.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Have this put with all the other presents I don't like and never use.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Yes, your Majesty.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Lord Robert Dudley.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Lord Dudley.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26May your Yuletide merriments know no bounds, your Majesty.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Oh, a present.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Whatever could it be?- What does one get the Queen who has everything?
0:17:32 > 0:17:36Why, something that nobody has.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41How did this tiny clock get stuck in this bangle?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45'Tis a wrist clock, your Majesty. The first of its kind.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Ah, with your permission.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Now, when there is no clock around, you can tell the time
0:17:56 > 0:17:58with a simple look at your wrist.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Oh!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Why, this is far and away my favourite present ever.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- Isn't it marvellous, Cecil? - Mm, yes, your Majesty.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Let us drink to this new invention.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- To the wrist clock.- The wrist clock.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Mm! Oh, dear me.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21There's no clock here in the throne room
0:18:21 > 0:18:23and I need to know the time.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28Ah, oh! Would you happen to know what time it is, your Majesty?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Oh! Why, it is...
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Oh, dear, Lord Dudley,
0:18:37 > 0:18:42there appears to be a serious design flaw with your wrist clock.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Indeed, your Majesty.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47(Yes!)
0:18:49 > 0:18:53Historians believe that Elizabeth's gift, a wristwatch,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56was possibly the first of its kind in the world.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Though when ugly Elizabeth looked at it, the glass cracked! Ha-ha-ha!
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Oh, what a horrible thing to say. Oh, I do apologise, your Majesty.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Yes, there were all sorts of new fashion accessories
0:19:06 > 0:19:09on show in the Tudor era.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Oh, honestly. The state of these Tudor streets.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18One can avoid the occasional poo,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21but the whole street is just covered in it.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Ooh, my long dress is quite ruined.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Oh, Alice.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32Is it my imagination or have you grown?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- Oh, that'll be my new platform shoes.- Oh.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I got them in the local shoe shop. Look!
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Now I can walk around in a poo-filled street
0:19:41 > 0:19:45without getting my lovely dress all mucky.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Ah!
0:19:46 > 0:19:47SPLAT!
0:19:50 > 0:19:51You were saying?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53THEY LAUGH
0:19:59 > 0:20:05Hiya, fashion fans, and welcome to another Historical Fashion Fix.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07This week, a Tudor peasant will be swapping sack cloth
0:20:07 > 0:20:12for silk in an amazing makeover. So let's meet our grubby commoner.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13It's Pete.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- Are you ready, Pete?- No.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Then let's get started!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Right. First thing's first, we need to do something
0:20:21 > 0:20:23about that horrible hair. Am I right, Pete?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Actually, I...- Of course I am.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29So to help us out, I've invited a personal friend
0:20:29 > 0:20:31all the way from the 1500s,
0:20:31 > 0:20:33it's Tudor barber, Bob the Barber.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- She's here.- Mwah, mwah.- Where did you get this?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- It's vintage.- Lovely.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42So, Bob. What are we going to do about Pete's horrible, horrible hair?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I'm just going to do what I do to all Tudors
0:20:44 > 0:20:46who can afford a haircut. Cut it all the same length,
0:20:46 > 0:20:49just above the shoulder. I call it the bob,
0:20:49 > 0:20:50after myself!
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Can't wait to see the results.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02- There we are. All done. - Thanks, Bob. You look fierce, Pete.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06Apart from that hideous wart. I can't stop looking at it.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Luckily, we've got a surgeon who can get rid.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12It's Tudor surgeon, Bob the Surgeon.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Bob?! I thought he was a barber.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16No, all Tudor barbers were surgeons too.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Hair, limbs, It's all cutting, isn't it?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- What?!- Can you hack off Pete's horrible wart?
0:21:21 > 0:21:22I'll give it a go.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24- I feel sick! - Oh, I can sort that out too, love.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Bit of bloodletting. Do you the world of good.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Bloodletting?!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Not only does it cure many ailments,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33but bloodletting is great for that pale complexion
0:21:33 > 0:21:37that's all the rage in Tudor times.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41We took our inspiration for Pete's new outfit from Henry VIII.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43The king wore big, baggy clothes
0:21:43 > 0:21:48to hide his big, bloated belly, so everyone else started doing the same.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Let's see if all that hard work has paid off. Here's Pete.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56Every inch the Tudor lord.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- How do you feel Pete? - Can I have my mucky clothes back?
0:21:59 > 0:22:00You can't. We burned them.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04That's all we've got time for this week on Fashion Fix.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Join us next time when we'll be perking up another pongy peasant.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- See ya.- Can someone wipe some muck on me, please?
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Can you show some gratitude, please?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- Here, mate! Have you got any mud on you?- Disgusting.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17I hate him. I actually hate him.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Hello and welcome to The News At When.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33When? Ancient Egyptian times, over 3,000 years ago,
0:22:33 > 0:22:34when the ruler of Egypt
0:22:34 > 0:22:38was a nine-year-old boy called Tutankhamen.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40He had a very strange family.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43For more details, here's Bob Hale with the pharaoh report.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Thank you, Sam. Well, it's 1341BC and we're over here
0:22:47 > 0:22:49in Ancient Egypt, where a wickle baby has been born
0:22:49 > 0:22:51and his name is Tutankhamen.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Now, he's also known as Tutankhamen, Tutankhamon, Tutenkarten,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Amen-tut-ankh, Steve and King Tut.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Though probably not Steve. And King Tut's dad was also a king.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03A pharaoh called Akhenaten. At least, we think that's his dad.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06It's hard to be sure. It was so long ago, no-one can remember.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Not even my nan and she's really old,
0:23:08 > 0:23:10though she doesn't look it. Love you, Nan.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14What we do know is that when King Tut was just 6 years old, Akhenaten died.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Yes, his daddy became a mummy, which is a very complex operation
0:23:18 > 0:23:21and King Tut's big brother Smenkie becomes pharaoh
0:23:21 > 0:23:24and then promptly dies. Then replaced by his sister, Neffie.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Who then promptly dies. Meaning that at just 9 years old,
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- Tutankhamen becomes pharaoh, which I thing is- pharaoh-nuff.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34All right, no more jokes. Running a country is no job for a 9-year-old
0:23:34 > 0:23:37because it's far too boring, so King Tut's uncle turns up.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41- A chap called Ay and he says he will keep an- Ay- on things. Sorry, sorry.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Forgot. So Uncle Ay runs the country
0:23:43 > 0:23:45so that King Tut can get on with doing all the fun stuff
0:23:45 > 0:23:48that kids do, like play games, go to school and get married.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Yep, getting married. If you thought that was weird,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55to keep his royal blood line pure, his new wife is his sister. Yeugh!
0:23:55 > 0:23:59And she used to be his stepmum, so it's double-yeugh!
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Anyway, King Tut grows up,
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Uncle Ay hands over power to Mr and Mrs Tut
0:24:02 > 0:24:06and they rule Egypt together as husband and wife-mum-sister.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07And that's the end of that.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Or so we thought.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13But history books say Uncle Ay didn't want to give up power,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16so he killed King Tut by bashing him on the head, like that.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Yep. That'd do it. Except it didn't.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21It turns out the history books were wrong and King Tut actually died
0:24:21 > 0:24:25from an infected broken leg, leaving Mrs Tut with a broken heart
0:24:25 > 0:24:28and the Crown of Egypt, which of course Uncle Ay wants for himself.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31How does he plan to get it? Well, by marrying Mrs Tut,
0:24:31 > 0:24:34even though she's his granddaughter, which is yeugh!
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Times this much.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Ooh! But Mrs Tut has other ideas.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41She decides to marry a foreign prince called Zannanza instead
0:24:41 > 0:24:45because he's got such a cool name, but sadly Zannanza gets cold feet.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Cold everything, because he dies. Killed on his way to Egypt
0:24:48 > 0:24:51by a very jealous Uncle Ay who then finally marries his granddaughter.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54They live happily, ruling Egypt together
0:24:54 > 0:24:56for ages and ages and that's the end of that.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04What a life. Born in Dublin to a blind darts player, the first woman to swim across Ireland,
0:25:04 > 0:25:07and would you believe it? She's 99 today. So, come on everyone.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11# Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you
0:25:11 > 0:25:14# Happy Birthday, Nanny Bob Happy birthday to you. #
0:25:14 > 0:25:17And back over to Sam to blow out the candles. Sam.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Tutankhamen was one of Egypt's most famous pharaohs
0:25:26 > 0:25:29but not quite as famous as this one.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31# Rah rah, Cleopatra
0:25:31 > 0:25:33# Famous beauty coming at ya
0:25:33 > 0:25:35# Rah rah Patra-Cleo
0:25:35 > 0:25:37# Guys all go gaga for me, oh
0:25:37 > 0:25:40# I am a leader and a lady and a queen
0:25:40 > 0:25:44# I'm Cleopatra, such a queen never been seen
0:25:44 > 0:25:48# I am a pharaoh yet they're all meant to be guys
0:25:48 > 0:25:52# But I don't care-o I just wear a beard disguise
0:25:52 > 0:25:55# My mum and dad were pharaohs I thought I was too
0:25:55 > 0:25:59# But both my older sisters thought that they should rule too
0:25:59 > 0:26:03# Oh, dear, they both died I wonder who that will leave
0:26:03 > 0:26:07# Little me, oh pharaoh Cleo OK, no time to grieve
0:26:07 > 0:26:12# Think that's alarming you'd be right but it gets worse
0:26:12 > 0:26:16# Married my half-brother and we ruled the Universe
0:26:16 > 0:26:19# That bad romance led to an overcrowded throne
0:26:19 > 0:26:22# But then died boo-hoo so now I'm all alone
0:26:22 > 0:26:25# Wow wow wow wow wow
0:26:25 > 0:26:26# All hail Lady Cleo
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# Wow wow wow la la
0:26:29 > 0:26:31# Coolest pharaoh by far
0:26:34 > 0:26:36# Fashion took my list of vices
0:26:36 > 0:26:38# Bathed in ass's milk and spices
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# Then I dress liked goddess Isis
0:26:40 > 0:26:41# Long black hair in ringlets nicest
0:26:41 > 0:26:43# Vipers too for men entices
0:26:43 > 0:26:45# Finest linen robe, top prices
0:26:50 > 0:26:53# Married another brother He's an OK geezer
0:26:53 > 0:26:57# But never told of my love for Julius Caesar
0:26:57 > 0:27:01# Had Caesar's child and hoped that he'd be crowned king
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# My bro said no, I said oh and I murdered him
0:27:04 > 0:27:08# Cos I am Cleopatra Egypt's royalty
0:27:08 > 0:27:12# The ruling pharaoh Don't you dare all mess with me
0:27:12 > 0:27:16# My poker face smiles only when I see
0:27:16 > 0:27:20# A man who takes my fancy like Oh, Mark Anthony
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# Wow wow wow wow wow
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# Another Roman leader
0:27:24 > 0:27:26# Wow wow wow la la
0:27:26 > 0:27:27# No Egyptian crowd pleaser
0:27:27 > 0:27:30# Rah rah Cleopatra
0:27:30 > 0:27:31# Finally I'd met my match-a
0:27:31 > 0:27:33# Rah rah Patra-Cleo
0:27:33 > 0:27:35# Ends in death for him and me-o
0:27:35 > 0:27:37# My life was a drama
0:27:37 > 0:27:39# I was one kooky mama
0:27:39 > 0:27:42# Wow wow wow, you know
0:27:42 > 0:27:46# Today I'd be a favourite of the paparazzo. #
0:27:46 > 0:27:49No pictures, no pictures.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50# Tall tales, atrocious acts
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# We gave you all the fearsome facts... #
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Want some more Horrible Histories?
0:27:54 > 0:27:57then come with me down the Time Sewers.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Just go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02See you down there.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:05 > 0:28:07E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk