0:00:02 > 0:00:02# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians
0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Slimy Stuarts Vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars ferocious fights Dingy castles daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:08# Horrors that defy description
0:00:08 > 0:00:10# Cut-throat Celts Awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings cruel crimes Punishments from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:13# Romans rotten rank and ruthless
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# Cavemen savage Fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:16# Groovy Greeks brainy sages
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:27# Welcome to
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Everyone knew about the pyramids we built to house our dead pharaohs
0:00:40 > 0:00:43because you could see them from miles around.
0:00:43 > 0:00:48But some of our later designs were a little bit more...well, secret.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51OK, OK,
0:00:51 > 0:00:53and...open your eyes.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Ta-dah!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Where's the tomb I ordered you to build for me?
0:00:58 > 0:01:01You are looking at your own brand new,
0:01:01 > 0:01:03state-of-the-art, cutting-edge burial tomb.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- No, I'm not.- Yes, you are.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07You just can't see it.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- You're fired.- Mm?
0:01:09 > 0:01:11No, no, no!
0:01:11 > 0:01:14No, no. Look, it IS there,
0:01:14 > 0:01:16it's just under the ground.
0:01:16 > 0:01:21Under the ground?! What good does that do me? I'm a pharaoh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I'm an Egyptian god walking the earth.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25When I pass over into the afterlife,
0:01:25 > 0:01:30I want to be buried in a majestic golden pyramid 150m high.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32No, you don't.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35No, no, no! Think about it.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40Your dad, they stuck him in a massive golden pyramid
0:01:40 > 0:01:43that all the grave robbers could see for miles around
0:01:43 > 0:01:46and, of course, they all came down and robbed his gold.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48What do you think it was like for your poor dad,
0:01:48 > 0:01:51arriving in the afterlife with no treasure?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- Embarrassing.- What? - It was embarrassing.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Very embarrassing.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01Whereas with this design, they won't even be able to find your tomb.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05The whole thing is buried under the desert.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08OK, well, it's not what I was expecting,
0:02:08 > 0:02:10but I asked you to build me a great royal tomb
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- and I suppose you built me a great royal tomb, so...- Absolutely!
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Right. Well, thanks.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Oh, and here's your bonus.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Er, there's nothing there?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Oh, there is.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23You just can't see it.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Laters.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Pharaoh Tutankhamen was buried in an underground tomb just like that one,
0:02:32 > 0:02:35which wasn't found for more than 3,000 years,
0:02:35 > 0:02:40making Tutankhamen the undisputed world hide-and-seek champion. Ha-ha!
0:02:40 > 0:02:44And it wasn't just the pharaoh's burial tomb that was important,
0:02:44 > 0:02:45but what went in it.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48And so I die.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Thank you, my wonderful slaves, for taking care of my every need.
0:02:52 > 0:02:58Mighty pharaoh, it has been our privilege to serve,
0:02:58 > 0:03:02and we shall all miss you as you take your journey to the afterlife.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05What? No, you won't. You're coming with me.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Guards! Sacrifice my slaves and bury them in here with me.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12You're killing us after everything we've done for you?!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Who else is going to take care of my things in the afterlife? Guards!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18But it's so unfair! There must be some other way.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20There is! I'm a shouty man.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Are you an Egyptian pharaoh on your death bed?
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Are you thinking that sacrificing real people
0:03:25 > 0:03:26might just be a bit unfair?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Then try new Egyptian Ushabti dolls,
0:03:29 > 0:03:31the slaves you can have buried with you
0:03:31 > 0:03:33without killing anyone first.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- That sounds excellent. - What, little dolls?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39That's right! These beautiful figurines will magically turn into
0:03:39 > 0:03:42actual servants to look after every need in the afterlife.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44And there's hundreds to collect.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51These look my size.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56To wipe your majestic bum.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58How does this work?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01My, that's first class.
0:04:13 > 0:04:18Did you know George I, King of England, actually came from Germany?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21And that made things a little tricky for him.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27The Right Honourable Member of Parliament, Mr Robert Walpole.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Your majesty, I bring grave news, I'm afraid.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35The company we set up to profit from slave trading in South America
0:04:35 > 0:04:38has, it seems, promised rather more than it can deliver.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Without firm action, this crisis could well spell the end
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- for both of us.- Er, was ist das?- Ah!
0:04:45 > 0:04:50Your English seems to have got worse again, your majesty.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51Er, was?
0:04:51 > 0:04:55Have you been back over to Germany again?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Ja, ja. Ich leibe Deutschland, ja.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I know you love Germany. Some would say for an English king
0:05:01 > 0:05:02you spend rather too much time there.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- Was?- Er, nothing.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08We have a bit of a crisis.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Ja, ja?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I'd like to help solve the crisis,
0:05:13 > 0:05:17but I don't have enough power.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Ja, ja?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Do you understand me
0:05:20 > 0:05:23or are you just repeating the word "yes" in German?
0:05:23 > 0:05:28- Ja, ja.- Your majesty, you cannot make this problem just go away
0:05:28 > 0:05:33simply by repeating yes, after everything I...say.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Now I think about it...
0:05:35 > 0:05:40Would you like me to solve the crisis for you?
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Ja!
0:05:41 > 0:05:45And would you be willing to make me First Lord of the Treasury
0:05:45 > 0:05:47and Chancellor of the Exchequer?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Basically making me in charge of the entire country.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52A sort of Prime Minister.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Was?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- No, the other word.- Ja?
0:05:55 > 0:05:56That's the one!
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Well, thank you very much,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01If you wouldn't mind just signing there,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03make it all official.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Wonderful! Well, that's that then.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Ooh! Um,
0:06:08 > 0:06:12while I think about it, would it be OK for the country
0:06:12 > 0:06:17to buy me a nice big house? You know, as Prime Minister?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19No...problem.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Oh, did you understand that?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- Or are you just saying some English words you remembered?- No problem?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Yep, thought as much.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Auf wiedersehen.
0:06:32 > 0:06:37That's right, Walpole got Houghton Hall thanks to George I.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42But in 1732, George II gave him a new London residence.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Number 10 Downing Street.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47So whenever the Prime Minister of Britain walks into Number 10,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49he has George II to thank.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Oh, by the way, did you know where George II died? Mm?
0:06:53 > 0:06:54On the toilet.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59Well, only appropriate, I guess. He WAS a number two. Ha-ha-ha!
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Hello and welcome to HHTV Sport,
0:07:05 > 0:07:08bringing you historical sports direct from the past.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Today, it's over to Scotland for some unusual Highland games.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14To find out more,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17I'll hand you over to our commentary team live in the 1820s.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Well, today's programme features a number
0:07:20 > 0:07:23of traditional Highland game pursuits. There's the running race,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27the lifting a heavy stone competition and throwing a hammer,
0:07:27 > 0:07:29preferably in the direction of the bagpipe player.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30WHOOSH!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Arrgh!- Oops.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Feel a bit bad about saying that now.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39Anyhow, there's one particular event that caught my attention
0:07:39 > 0:07:42and I have the winner here with me now. Jamie, congratulations.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Thanks, Andrea.- So, you won for the bizarrely-named
0:07:45 > 0:07:48twisting the cow competition.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Can you tell us exactly what that involves?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Well, Andrea, it involves twisting the four legs off a cow.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- A-a dead cow?- Aye, a dead cow.
0:07:58 > 0:07:59We're not animals!
0:07:59 > 0:08:03And can you tell us exactly how you made it through to today's final?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Well, I put in a lot of hard work,
0:08:06 > 0:08:08but mostly I did it ON THE HOOF!
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Aha-ha-ha!
0:08:11 > 0:08:13On the hoof! Ha!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I imagine twisting the leg off a cow is pretty difficult.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Do you get many injuries?
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Aye, well I did tear a CALF muscle during my warm-up.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25But I've never been injured myself! Aha-ha-ha!
0:08:27 > 0:08:32- And what was your prize for winning? - Er, a fattened sheep.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Great(!) And are you confident about winning next year's competition?
0:08:37 > 0:08:42Aye, I'm quite BULLISH about it. Aha-ha-ha!
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Good luck with that, back to the studio.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50- Want some?- No, that's all right. I'm vegan.- OK, fair enough.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Hello and welcome to Horrible Points Of View.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05We've just been going through the vaults at the BBC
0:09:05 > 0:09:08and have dug out this bag of letters from the Stuart era.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10A number of them concern a recent performance
0:09:10 > 0:09:12of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14What's the problem, guys?
0:09:27 > 0:09:31It may sound strange, but up until the reign of King Charles II,
0:09:31 > 0:09:34all female roles in theatre were played by men.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37And not everyone was happy when this changed.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41I can't believe I've been training for over a year
0:09:41 > 0:09:45to play the part of Juliet and then they give it to a woman.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50I mean, a woman dressed as a woman on the stage!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52It just doesn't seem right.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Well, we took the complaints right to the very top
0:09:55 > 0:09:58and found out what King Charles II had to say on the matter.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Marvellous! Splendid! Wonderful!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03What was the question again?
0:10:03 > 0:10:05So next time you're watching Hannah Montana,
0:10:05 > 0:10:08be thankful you're not in the Stuart era,
0:10:08 > 0:10:11or she'd be played by a bloke. Good night.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15Those English actors thought they had it bad in the Stuart era.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17What about this French star of the stage?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21He had a particularly unpleasant final performance, I can tell you.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:10:25 > 0:10:27# They're funny cos they're true
0:10:27 > 0:10:30# Woo! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:10:30 > 0:10:33# Hope next time it's not you! Hee-hee! #
0:10:33 > 0:10:36And I've hated foreigners ever since.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Mm, especially the French. Next!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- Name.- Moliere,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44French actor and playwright.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45It's not my day, is it?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48And what sort of plays do you do?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50I was a master of comedy.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Oh, this should be funny then. Well, come on, then.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Renversez les haricots.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57That's spill the beans, but you probably already know that.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Anyway, I was performing my most recent play, The Hypochondriac.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03The hyper-whaty-act?
0:11:03 > 0:11:08The Hypochondriac. It is someone who is convinced they are always ill
0:11:08 > 0:11:11when they are, er... Mon dieu, how you say? Not ill.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16Well, we all know someone like that. Fit as a fiddle, really!
0:11:16 > 0:11:17Sorry, continue.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I was in the middle of a quite masterful performance
0:11:20 > 0:11:21in The Hypochondriac,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24when I fell to the floor in a violent coughing fit.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Oh. All part of the play, of course.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Well, pas, pas, pas. The audience thought so as well.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32But no, this was a real violent coughing fit.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34So real in fact, that...
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Ye-es?
0:11:35 > 0:11:36That I died.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39You di...? Aha-ha-ha!
0:11:39 > 0:11:40HE LAUGHS
0:11:40 > 0:11:43The Hypochondriac really WAS unwell.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Did anyone in the audience die laughing?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Because I think I might! Oh, go on. Au revoir!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51HE LAUGHS
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Oh, seriously, I might die laughing.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Oh no, I'm dead already, aren't I?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Next!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:12:02 > 0:12:05# Hope next time it's not yo-o-ou! #
0:12:05 > 0:12:07HE LAUGHS
0:12:07 > 0:12:10The superstition that green brings bad luck to actors
0:12:10 > 0:12:12is said to originate from the colour of clothing
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Moliere was wearing at the time of his death.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17The rat knows all!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Welcome to Historical Wife Swap,
0:12:25 > 0:12:28This is Mr Viking and his wife from Norway.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Argh!
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- Don't growl, dear. - Sorry love, sorry.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35And this week, they'll be doing a wife swap with the Thralls,
0:12:35 > 0:12:38a family of slaves who live at the bottom of their garden.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40But how will these two very different classes
0:12:40 > 0:12:41of Norwegians get along?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Mrs Viking has left her house and husband behind
0:12:44 > 0:12:46and is about to meet Mr Thrall.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47You there.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48- Ah.- Ah!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Oh, don't be alarmed. I'm just very ugly.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54I'm Mr Thrall. You looking forward to being a Thrall for the week?
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Am I heck!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Come on, it'll be fun.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00I mean, normally to be a Thrall, you have to be born a Thrall.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I'm an uneducated slave, so was my father
0:13:03 > 0:13:04and my grandfather before him.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- My kids'll be slaves too. Won't you, Blobnose?- Yeah.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Ah!
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Chip off the old block, eh? - A horrible-looking boy!
0:13:11 > 0:13:12It's a girl.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Things aren't going any better at Mr Viking's house.
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Hello, I'm Mr Viking.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Pleased to meet you. Actually, not going to.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22So what's your name? Oh, sorry.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24You slaves need permission to speak.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25For the rest of the week,
0:13:25 > 0:13:27permission granted.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30You're going to live like my wife and she talks whenever she likes.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Boy, do I know it.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Mrs Viking's getting her hands dirty
0:13:34 > 0:13:38as she helps Mr Thrall with his daily chores.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Right, that must be enough. How long have I been digging now?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44- About three minutes.- Three?!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47I haven't worked this hard since... Well, ever.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51I've worked this hard since I was five. Not just mending fences
0:13:51 > 0:13:54and digging for peat, it's building walls, herding animals,
0:13:54 > 0:13:58grinding corn and spreading pig muck.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Ah!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02It's dinner time at the Viking house.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Do I have to wear this all the time?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07No, just while I'm eating.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Finished.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Oh.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Erm, so how did you and Mrs Viking meet?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- Snoradottir.- Pardon?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16It's not Mrs Viking, it's Mrs Snoradottir.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- Viking women don't take their husband's names.- Oh, right.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23I was 15, she was 15. She was going through a very messy divorce.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24- You what?- Yeah,
0:14:24 > 0:14:28she dumped her first husband because he showed too much bare chest
0:14:28 > 0:14:30and then my family paid her to marry me.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35This Mrs Snottyflopper sounds awful. She gets paid to get married,
0:14:35 > 0:14:39she can get divorced when she likes for the silliest of reasons
0:14:39 > 0:14:42and she makes us Thralls do all the work for her.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I tell you, I would like to give her a piece of my mind.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Providing she gave me permission to speak, of course.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Being a Thrall is really hard work.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Apparently Mr Thrall and his wife have to do this stuff every day
0:14:54 > 0:14:57for free, just because they're ordered to
0:14:57 > 0:15:00by some bossy, horrible old Viking hag with no manners.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Hang on, he means me!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05It's time for the Vikings and Thralls to sit down
0:15:05 > 0:15:07and see what they've learned.
0:15:07 > 0:15:12If I'm honest, sir, I find your wife snobbish, arrogant and lazy.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- But I must say, she is quite a looker.- What?
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Well, your wife is fantastic at housework.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22She's a great cook. Admittedly she does look a bit like rotting meat,
0:15:22 > 0:15:25but at least she doesn't tell you what to do all the time.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Tell you what to do?!
0:15:26 > 0:15:30I only take charge because you're always away killing monks
0:15:30 > 0:15:31or burning down villages!
0:15:31 > 0:15:34When was the last time you were around to dig up some peat
0:15:34 > 0:15:36or put up a fence, hm?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39We don't need to dig up peat or put up a fence.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41We have Thralls for that, don't we?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Well, I don't need to cook or clean.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45We have Thralls to do that too.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Yes, good.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49So basically what you're saying is
0:15:49 > 0:15:52things are pretty good as they are, when you think about it.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Not for us they're not.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- Permission to speak terminated. - Yeah, I agree.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Back to the bottom of the garden, you two.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03Do you know what? I forgot how ugly you are.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Oh, you say the loveliest things!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Come on.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13And it's from Viking Thralls that we get the expression
0:16:13 > 0:16:17being in thrall to someone, meaning being under their control.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Like Marcus, my pet flea, is in thrall to me.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22He does everything I tell him.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23PARP!
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Marcus, stop that.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26PARP!
0:16:26 > 0:16:27Marcus, I'll have a bath!
0:16:40 > 0:16:41The answer is...
0:16:41 > 0:16:42B.
0:16:42 > 0:16:47Vikings had natural steam baths by pouring water over hot stones.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51They used soap made out of conkers and would hit themselves with twigs
0:16:51 > 0:16:54and roll in the snow to really freshen up.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Hello and welcome to the News At When.
0:17:05 > 0:17:10When? The 1400s when the people of Europe finally discovered America,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13which - for a big place - was very difficult to find
0:17:13 > 0:17:15and even more difficult to settle in.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Here with more details is Bob Hale with the American report. Bob?
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Thank you, Sam. Well, the year is 1492 and that there
0:17:23 > 0:17:27isn't quite America. It's what the Native Americans call Turtle Island
0:17:27 > 0:17:30or Anowarkowa or Ina Maka or - better still - just home.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33They can call it what they like cos they're the only people there
0:17:33 > 0:17:36thanks to this big blue thing, the Atlantic Ocean,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39which has stopped them being bothered by anyone for 500 years.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41But that's about to change. Here comes Italian explorer
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Christopher Columbus. The man who discovered America, right? Wrong!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48He only discovered these islands here, which he thought was India.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52He's only wrong by about 8,000 miles and that's why these islands
0:17:52 > 0:17:55are known as the West Indies, an interesting fact that can be found
0:17:55 > 0:17:58in Bob's Big Book Of Interesting Facts, available now, just £12.99.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Next up then, it's another Italian, John Cabot, who in 1497
0:18:02 > 0:18:04also managed to not quite discover America,
0:18:04 > 0:18:08landing up there in Newfoundland, which is also just an island.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Followed in 1516 by the Spanish, who land here in Florida,
0:18:11 > 0:18:14which isn't an island but they think it is, so no points there either.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Going well, isn't it? But who's this? Oh, no!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19The English are coming, the English are coming!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Yes, in 1587, Sir Walter Raleigh lands here in Virginia
0:18:22 > 0:18:24and sets up the very first English colony,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27which promptly disappears without trace. Nice one, Wally.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30So what does England do? Well, it tries again.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34Yes, 1607 and back in Virginia Jamestown is founded, and why there?
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Because there's gold there. But the Brits are so busy mining for gold,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40they forget to think about things like growing food
0:18:40 > 0:18:43and within a few years, they're so hungry they eat horrible things
0:18:43 > 0:18:47like poo and each other and sprouts and dirty water.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Though not sprouts. Before long, they're dropping
0:18:49 > 0:18:52like the sales figures on my book I mentioned earlier.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55So by 1625, of the 7,000 Jamestown settlers,
0:18:55 > 0:18:59more than 6,000 have died. Sounds like they need some re-enforcements.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02And here they come. Yes, it's 102 very religious people
0:19:02 > 0:19:04from the British Midlands. The Pilgrim Fathers,
0:19:04 > 0:19:07who make the Jamestown lot look the smartest men on earth.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09They bring no ploughs, no fishing line,
0:19:09 > 0:19:12no animals and one of them brings 139 pairs of shoes.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Now there are some very weird priorities.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Luckily for the Pilgrims, the Native Americans take pity
0:19:18 > 0:19:21and hold a giant feast. The Pilgrims give thanks, which is where
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Thanksgiving comes from. What an interesting fact! It's in the book.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Next to rock up, it's the Dutch who land here
0:19:27 > 0:19:30and name the place New Amsterdam, after the Dutch city.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32The English steal it off them and rename it
0:19:32 > 0:19:35after the English city of York, which is how we get New York, see?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37The Brits aren't the only ones stealing.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41By 1750, everyone's at it - the French, the Spanish, the Brits,
0:19:41 > 0:19:42all fighting each other for land,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45land which belongs to the Native Americans,
0:19:45 > 0:19:48who get fed up with people trying to steal it off them.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51No sooner has Britain fought off the French and the Spanish,
0:19:51 > 0:19:54they have to start fighting the Native Americans. But not like that.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57No, that's too fair. They give the Native Americans
0:19:57 > 0:20:00blankets infected with smallpox and let the disease do
0:20:00 > 0:20:03the fighting for them, a plan as horrible as it is effective.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I mean, very. So the British control most of East America
0:20:06 > 0:20:09and that's that, all done, job finished, story over, step back,
0:20:09 > 0:20:11there's nothing to see here.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Or so we thought.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16The government back home want the American colonists
0:20:16 > 0:20:19to pay British taxes but have no say in how that money's spent,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22which seems unfair, especially since they put taxes
0:20:22 > 0:20:25on everything, even the one thing no-one can live without -
0:20:25 > 0:20:27tea! Yes, the tea tax really took the biscuit,
0:20:27 > 0:20:31so in 1773, the Colonists stormed the tea ships in Boston Harbour
0:20:31 > 0:20:33and threw all the tea overboard, making a big statement.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36An even bigger statement of really salty tea,
0:20:36 > 0:20:40and that little Boston Tea Party was more than just a storm in a teacup,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Within two years, the colonists went to war - the American Revolution.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47By 1776, it's goodbye Brits, as America declares its independence,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50they are now the United States of America, the USA,
0:20:50 > 0:20:52the US of A, Home of the Brave and Land of the Free,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55and do you know what else is free? Yes, it's this fantastic Bob Hale
0:20:55 > 0:20:59action figure when you buy my incredible new book, just £2.99 now.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02So what are you waiting for? Come on every...
0:21:02 > 0:21:03That's more like it. Yep, don't worry,
0:21:03 > 0:21:06plenty to go around. Yes, one for you. Yes, good, well done,
0:21:06 > 0:21:09and don't worry, Sam, I've saved you a signed copy.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16One of the famous figures of the American War of Independence
0:21:16 > 0:21:17is Paul Revere.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21He's well known for riding through the night to warn fellow Americans
0:21:21 > 0:21:22that the British were coming.
0:21:22 > 0:21:28What isn't so well known is that he was also a dentist and an inventor.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Hi, I'm Paul Revere.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Are you fed up with cleaning your teeth using your finger?
0:21:33 > 0:21:37A piece of rag? Someone else's finger?
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Or nothing at all?
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Then help is at hand, thanks to my amazing, not in any way effective,
0:21:42 > 0:21:44all-American toothpaste.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48The unique three-stripe formula delivers complete mouth freshness.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52The white stripe is sugar, the yellow stripe is butter
0:21:52 > 0:21:53and the brown stripe is breadcrumbs.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Say bye-bye to cavities
0:21:55 > 0:21:58and hello to totally rotten teeth. And not forgetting
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Paul Revere's special, not at all secret ingredient...
0:22:03 > 0:22:07For that bright yellow smile that will blow your friends away.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08HE COUGHS
0:22:08 > 0:22:11You'll never need to use another toothpaste.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Paul Revere's all-American toothpaste,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15because teeth are over-rated.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Warning, new gunpowder formula. May contain gunpowder.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Our Roman emperor Caligula could be a really nasty piece of work
0:22:28 > 0:22:30even to his loyal followers.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32But don't tell him I told you so.
0:22:32 > 0:22:38Oh, oh, mighty Caligula! Are my eyes deceiving me?
0:22:38 > 0:22:41- Have you recovered from your dreadful illness?- Thank the Gods!
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Don't touch the toga.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Oh, sorry.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Indeed I am better
0:22:45 > 0:22:49and I'm told when my doctors didn't know what to do with me,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51it was you who came to my rescue.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- Oh, it's nothing. - Nothing at all.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55You begged the gods to make me better.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- Well, now you come to mention it... - I don't want to make a big thing,
0:22:58 > 0:23:02- but it was actually my idea. - All right!- But it was.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Why'd you have to do that?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Well I came to say thank you, so, er, thank you. Mm.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08What, that's it?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- No gold?- No land?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Not even a bit of small change for me? After all, it was my idea.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Why do you keep saying it?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18What would you do with it where you're going?
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Am I missing something? - Well, I understand...
0:23:21 > 0:23:22and forgive me if I'm wrong,
0:23:22 > 0:23:26but when you prayed to the gods for my speedy recovery,
0:23:26 > 0:23:31you did at one point offer the gods your lives in return for mine.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Yes, technically.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36And my good health has recovered.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41So now it's your turn to keep your side of the bargain! (LAUGHS)
0:23:41 > 0:23:45Chop-chop, or stab-stab if you prefer it.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Emperor, please, have mercy!
0:23:47 > 0:23:50"Oh, what a great idea," she says, "It'll be all right," she says.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52All right! Stop giving it that!
0:23:52 > 0:23:56What a lovely couple, don't you think so, Mr Finger?
0:23:56 > 0:23:57No, they stink!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Ooh, you're right, they did.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Someone burn this toga, a peasant has touched it.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05That's what really happened.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Anyone offering their lives to the gods for Caligula's recovery
0:24:09 > 0:24:11then had to make good their promise.
0:24:11 > 0:24:16Yes, Caligula was one bad emperor, but was he the baddest?
0:24:16 > 0:24:21- The famous Roman Empire.- Was the biggest, meanest neighbourhood.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23We four were the baddest Emperors.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25By bad, we don't mean good.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26ALL: Woo-hoo!
0:24:30 > 0:24:34# My name is Caligula A rotten Roman pigula
0:24:34 > 0:24:38# If you told me a fibula I'd hack your hands to stumps
0:24:38 > 0:24:42# One time I killed a priest Who'd come to sacrifice a beast
0:24:42 > 0:24:44# You think it's sad that he's deceased
0:24:44 > 0:24:46# We all laughed like chumps
0:24:46 > 0:24:50# I'm very hairy but take note If you so much as whisper "goat"
0:24:50 > 0:24:52# With an iron rod you will be smote
0:24:52 > 0:24:55# In a good mood today so I won't slit your throat
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- # I'm bad - He's bad
0:24:59 > 0:25:01# A shameless rotten cad
0:25:01 > 0:25:04# Do you still have limbs since meeting me?
0:25:04 > 0:25:08# Then I guess you should be gla-a-ad
0:25:08 > 0:25:09# Oh-oh
0:25:09 > 0:25:11# Your nastiness was fabulous
0:25:11 > 0:25:13# But my name's Elagabalus
0:25:13 > 0:25:16# And I was far far worse
0:25:16 > 0:25:18# Just listen to my verse
0:25:18 > 0:25:22# I was quite notorious For catapulting venomous
0:25:22 > 0:25:26# Snakes at Rome's enormous crowds Oh how they fled, ha-ha
0:25:26 > 0:25:28# If you won a lottery prize
0:25:28 > 0:25:31# I'd give you bees dead dogs and flies
0:25:31 > 0:25:34# My house guests got a nice surprise
0:25:34 > 0:25:35# A lion in their bed
0:25:35 > 0:25:37# You'd think to children I'd be cuter
0:25:37 > 0:25:39# No, I was their biggest executer
0:25:39 > 0:25:41# Use their guts to read the future
0:25:41 > 0:25:43# It says here I should get a job as a school tutor
0:25:45 > 0:25:47- # I'm bad - He's bad
0:25:47 > 0:25:50# Could argue I was sad
0:25:50 > 0:25:51# Hated through our empire
0:25:51 > 0:25:56# From Great Britain to Bagdha-a-ad
0:25:56 > 0:25:58# Ooh-ooh
0:25:58 > 0:26:00# Afraid your claim is bogus
0:26:00 > 0:26:02# Cos my name is Commodus
0:26:02 > 0:26:06# And no-one else can be A worse emperor than me
0:26:06 > 0:26:08# There never was a greater Pretend gladiator
0:26:08 > 0:26:10# If the booing got too loud Made the lions fight the crowd
0:26:10 > 0:26:13# Just one man was grander Julius Alexander
0:26:13 > 0:26:15# So I killed him, see Cos I'm the Emperor, me
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- # I'm bad - He's bad
0:26:19 > 0:26:21# My actions truly rad
0:26:21 > 0:26:25# You only got the Emperor job Because you were chosen by your dad
0:26:25 > 0:26:28# To me you all score zero
0:26:28 > 0:26:30# My name is Emperor Nero
0:26:30 > 0:26:33# Evil men you're not I'm the worstest of the lot
0:26:33 > 0:26:34# Wooh!
0:26:34 > 0:26:36# My rule was full of fear-oh!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38# Yes men from far and near-oh!
0:26:38 > 0:26:42# Called me a fighting hero Or I would have them slain
0:26:42 > 0:26:44# Changed the Olympic season
0:26:44 > 0:26:46# So the medals went to me, son
0:26:46 > 0:26:49# Burned Christians for no reason
0:26:49 > 0:26:51# Just a fun game I played, you know
0:26:51 > 0:26:54# Poisoned my stepbrother Ordered men to kill my mother
0:26:54 > 0:26:56# Tried to drown her but she fled
0:26:56 > 0:26:59# So I had her stabbed instead, oh! #
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Wait, there's more.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# With my first wife, dear Octavia
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# I showed truly bad behaviour
0:27:05 > 0:27:07# Chopped her head off gave it to
0:27:07 > 0:27:09# My girlfriend who I then killed too
0:27:09 > 0:27:14# I'm bad so baddy Of badness I'm the daddy
0:27:14 > 0:27:18# Come on, I want to see A more evil bloke than me, ha!
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# You're bad Real bad
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# Nothing more to add
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# We all thought that we were awful
0:27:24 > 0:27:30# But you are really truly ma-a-d
0:27:30 > 0:27:31# Woo-hoo! #
0:27:31 > 0:27:34I'm the baddest emperor the Romans ever had.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# Tall tales atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- # The ugly truth... # - Want some more Horrible Histories?
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Then come with me down the Time Sewers.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45Just go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46See you down there.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:50 > 0:27:52E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk