0:00:01 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:17 > 0:00:23# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Disease was rife in Victorian London and so the graveyards filled up
0:00:40 > 0:00:43very quickly and we had to find other places to bury our dead.
0:00:43 > 0:00:44Good day.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47- Hello.- Hello!
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Two tickets to Brookwood, please.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Single or return ticket, madam?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Return for me and a single for my husband.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Taking the Necropolis Railway, are we?
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Yes, it's very convenient.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00When you run out of room to bury people in the city,
0:01:00 > 0:01:03it does make sense to put your cemeteries further out.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Plus you get a lovely day out in the countryside.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Yeah. And my husband does love trains. Well, he did.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Of course he did. First class, second class or third class?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13First class for me.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15- And your husband? - Can he go in the luggage rack?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Afraid not, would he like a window seat?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Well, he doesn't really need a view.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23No, but it's easier to shove him out at the cemetery.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Excuse me, are you going to be long, only I lost my husband last week.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29You and me both.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31No, no, I lost him on the train.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Oh, right you are - well, I think you might be in luck. Somebody
0:01:34 > 0:01:38handed him in last week and I, for one, will not be sad to see him go.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Could you lot hurry up? All my relatives have died of consumption.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Do you have a family railcard, sir?
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Would you be interested in a family railcard?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49What do you think, darling? Yes.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:01:55 > 0:01:58# They're funny cos they're true, woo
0:01:58 > 0:02:00# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:02:00 > 0:02:02# Hope next time it's not you. #
0:02:03 > 0:02:09Oh, guys, what can I say - such a nice surprise, happy death day.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I love you guys, I th...
0:02:11 > 0:02:13What? Yes, best get on with it, the sooner we finish,
0:02:13 > 0:02:15the sooner we can have some cake.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Next! And you are?
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Robert Cocking,
0:02:19 > 0:02:22professional watercolour artist and amateur scientist.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Oh, goody, amateur scientists are so much more fun
0:02:25 > 0:02:27than professional ones. Go on.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Well, I was very keen on science,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31particularly the science of parachutes.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Sounds promising.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35I witnessed the first ever parachute jump in England in 1802
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- and was convinced I could design a better one.- Ah, hah.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42So, I made some drawings and, and some calculations,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Basically, I left nothing to chance, you know.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- You wouldn't, would you? - I was so confident it would work
0:02:48 > 0:02:50that I resolved to test it myself
0:02:50 > 0:02:53by leaping 180 metres from a hot air balloon.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I'm guessing the parachute didn't work?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58What do you think I'm doing here? I don't understand it,
0:02:58 > 0:03:03I calculated the parachute exactly the right size for my weight.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Well, yes, but it would have to carry your weight plus its own weight,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- Obv!- What?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11You didn't forget to factor in the weight
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- of the parachute itself, did you? - Ah!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18You nincompoop! No wonder it didn't work.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Hey, wouldn't it have been a good idea to test it with a dummy first?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Oh, hang on a minute, you did!
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Yeah.- Him being the dummy.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Oh, you got it. Well, tell your face!
0:03:28 > 0:03:30You're through to the afterlife.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Oh, do you know, I think his story might be my best present ever,
0:03:34 > 0:03:37the icing on the cake. Shall we have a piece?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39What...
0:03:39 > 0:03:44You just couldn't wait, could you, honestly! Ruined everything.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Well, he has.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:03:50 > 0:03:52# Hope next time it's not you. #
0:03:53 > 0:03:54That's right.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Robert Cocking forgot to include the weight of
0:03:56 > 0:03:59his very heavy parachute in his calculations.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03See, I've always said maths was bad for your health. Huh!
0:04:11 > 0:04:14I've never noticed you on the High Street before, are you new?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Oh no, we're old, we're very old.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17This is an historical dentist,
0:04:17 > 0:04:22all out dentists are from different historical periods.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Oh, so this Mr Roman actually is...
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Ovulus denticus tonsillitis. Don't get up.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Now, don't worry we, Romans are advanced in all fields of medicine.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34After all, it was a Roman doctor who found the cure for a twisted spine.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Which was?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38He placed enormous stones on the patient's back,
0:04:38 > 0:04:39and when he took them off,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42the patient was the straightest backed corpse you'd ever seen.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44You mean, he died?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Let's not focus on the negative, open wide.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Well, I can see straight away your teeth are far too long.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52We Romans have much stubbier teeth.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55It's because of the bits of millstone in the bread we eat,
0:04:55 > 0:04:56it grinds them down.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Would you like me to file yours down for you?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Er, no, thanks. It's just sore gums, really.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Well, don't worry, we can soon sort that out.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Mandy, do we have any hair from a crucified man?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09We're out.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Shame, it does seem to cure anything,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12never mind.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Er, no, there's no need for the...
0:05:15 > 0:05:18I'm not going to hurt you, I'm a Roman, not a barbarian.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23No, we need the blood from a man who's been killed in a violent way
0:05:23 > 0:05:25and I think we've run out.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- Would you mind fetching some for me, Mandy?- Certainly, Mr Tonsillitis.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Put that on the gums will sort you right out.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Argh!
0:05:32 > 0:05:36- They never outrun Mandy.- Argh! - Rinse, please.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40This water tastes funny.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41That's because it isn't water.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44See, we Romans have found that wee can be a very effective
0:05:44 > 0:05:46cleansing agent.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Can you?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49No, no, wee can, urine.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52And it's sterile, unlike Roman water, which can be lethal -
0:05:52 > 0:05:55but don't worry, the blood will take away the taste.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Here's the blood, doctor.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Was he killed in a violent way? - Oh, extremely!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Good, that's very important.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Now, one more rinse and I'll put the old blood on the gums.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Strangest thing, gums suddenly feel fine,
0:06:07 > 0:06:09it's a miracle. I'm just...
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Um, sorry, before you go, we've run out of rinsing liquid and, er,
0:06:12 > 0:06:14we've both been.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Yeah, not going to happen.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21- Great.- Hm.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43The answer is all three, pretty nasty.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47So if you were sentenced to death in Roman times you might prefer
0:06:47 > 0:06:50a visit to the Tarpeian Rock.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Oh, the relief at last. Thank the gods.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56You have done Tarpeian Rock duty, before?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58No, I can't say I have.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Not to worry,
0:06:59 > 0:07:02just follow my instructions and no-one should get hurt.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03SCREAMS THEN A THUD
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Except the criminals who get thrown off the cliff, obviously.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08You only get chucked off the Tarpeian Rock
0:07:08 > 0:07:10if you've been sentenced to death.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Your job is to make sure that all the criminals
0:07:12 > 0:07:14are well and truly dead.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Yeah, he's a goner, all right. Now, don't worry,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22it's quite a big drop so we don't get many survivors.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23ARRRRGGH!
0:07:23 > 0:07:24THUD
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Oh, I'm alive, oh, I can't believe it!
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Not any more he's not, you can do the next one.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- Do I have to? - Oh, yes, we get all sorts down here.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Murderers, traitors, thieving slaves and people who've lied in court.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38SCREAM THEN THUD
0:07:38 > 0:07:40It's OK, I'm dead I'm totally dead.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42It's all right, he's already dead.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43That's one of the liars.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Now, is there anything I've forgotten? Oh, yes.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50SCREAMS
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Always keep nice and tight to the cliff wall.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Ah, should have started with that, shouldn't I?
0:07:58 > 0:07:59My bad.
0:08:04 > 0:08:09Five eager chefs, five historical eras, but just one prize.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Who will be crowned Historical MasterChef?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14I'm looking thoughtful.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16I'm shouting.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Ernest is head chef at the White Heart Inn.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24He's hoping that the Tudor food he serves to
0:08:24 > 0:08:28guests from the 1500s will appeal to the judges today.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Chicken looks nice and plump there, mate.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33You don't have very many vegetables?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36No, all intelligent Tudors know vegetables carry disease.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40I don't think so, mate, I used to be a greengrocer.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Exactly, look what happened to your hair.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47So, will Ernest's meaty Tudor offerings hit the spot?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50For my main I'm serving a nice, juicy roast chicken.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Cor, my kind of menu, John.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Oh, what's happened there?
0:08:56 > 0:09:00Well, I bought my chicken from a door-to-door salesman, I suppose
0:09:00 > 0:09:03he must have sewn up its bottom so that it looked nice and plump.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- You mean it was full of... - I'm afraid so.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Oh, no.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10With plan A all over his face,
0:09:10 > 0:09:13let's hope that Ernest has got a plan B that isn't a load of plan A.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Ernest, you'd better have a pudding lined up, mate,
0:09:16 > 0:09:19otherwise your whole meal is going to be a wash out.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Well, actually I'm starting with the pudding.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26It's a Tudor delicacy made entirely from sugar, hm.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30My state-of-the-art Tudor sugar's gone, it's gone.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Don't be upset. It's gone to a much better place.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36So, you've got nothing for us to eat at all.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Only the plate.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Oh, the plate, right.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41No, the plate's made of sugar, too.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Lovely, yeah.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Ernest, your chicken exploded in your face
0:09:50 > 0:09:52and your pudding disappeared.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56But on the plus side, you do make excellent crockery.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59For that reason, we are putting you through to the next round,
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- congratulations.- Yes!
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Your sugar cutlery needs a bit of work.- Actually, that's not my spoon.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Argh.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12One person who loved his Tudor food was King Henry XIII,
0:10:12 > 0:10:16and towards the end of his life he got increasingly paranoid
0:10:16 > 0:10:18that someone was trying to kill him.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23"And so the big fat King lived happily ever after."
0:10:23 > 0:10:26That's nice, well, I think I'm ready for beddy.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29And do you have everything you need, Your Majesty?
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Yes, I think so.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32I have my little hat in case I die in the night,
0:10:32 > 0:10:34but I won't die in the night, will I, Chamberlain?
0:10:34 > 0:10:38No, no, Your Majesty, you're in great shape, but best take the crown.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- That way if you do die...- Huh? - ..which you won't,
0:10:41 > 0:10:44then everyone in the afterlife will know you were a king.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48And I have my royal bottom wiper in case I need to go for a poo.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Good evening, Your Majesty.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Assassin!
0:10:50 > 0:10:53That's just your royal bottom wiper, sire.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Oh, yes, yes, I knew that.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- Well, I shall bid you goodnight, then.- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Oh, Chamberlain, brick up the door on your way out, will you?
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Don't you mean shut the door, Your Majesty?- No, no.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06I want to have it bricked up from now on.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Call me an increasingly mad and paranoid old fool,
0:11:09 > 0:11:12but anyone could wander in and murder me in my sleep.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Only the other night I found a man hiding at the end of my bed.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16That was me, Your Majesty.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17There he is again!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20That's just your royal bottom wiper!
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Yes, I knew that. Well, anyway, anyone can wander in
0:11:23 > 0:11:27but if I have a brick wall built right across my bedroom door
0:11:27 > 0:11:29every night, I shall be as safe as houses, won't I?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I've already booked a builder, yeah.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35That's a very wise and sensible precaution.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- Yeah.- Good night, Your Majesty. - Good night, yeah.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Chamberlain.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Your Majesty.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Am I to starve to death bricked up in here without
0:11:44 > 0:11:47so much of a snack to get me through the night?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I'm so sorry, Your Majesty.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Ah, that's more like it. Deep fried boar stuffed with venison.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56HE BREAKS WIND
0:11:56 > 0:11:57You called, Sire.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Oh, assassin!
0:12:00 > 0:12:01Hm.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Henry the XIII became
0:12:05 > 0:12:09so fat they had to use a small crane to take him upstairs.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13Now, I'm no doctor but when you need a crane to carry you upstairs
0:12:13 > 0:12:15it's probably time to go on a diet.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Do you have financial worries,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25worried that a Viking might steal all your treasure?
0:12:25 > 0:12:30Then why not invest your money the Saxon way, with Saxon Bank.
0:12:30 > 0:12:35Yes, Saxon Bank is literally a bank, a bank of earth, because burying
0:12:35 > 0:12:38your money in the ground is the simplest way
0:12:38 > 0:12:40to keep it safe from Vikings.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44With easy 24-hour access, thanks to our handy holes
0:12:44 > 0:12:47in the ground system and interest rates are at an all-time low,
0:12:47 > 0:12:51so your secret fortune will attract zero interest.
0:12:51 > 0:12:57Yes, that's right, absolutely no interest at all, except from worms.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Just don't forget where you buried it all.
0:12:59 > 0:13:05Now, was it three pine trees across and four up, or four and three?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Oh, no, I can't remember my pine number!
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Saxon Bank, where the earth bank is your bank.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Free spade when you open your first Saxon Bank account.
0:13:15 > 0:13:21"Pine number"! As tree puns go that was Oak-eh.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Ha ha!
0:13:23 > 0:13:24I'm wasted here, I am!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Anyway, it's true, Saxons used to bury their money
0:13:27 > 0:13:29and treasure in the ground for safe keeping.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33It was certainly one way to keep your money safe from Vikings.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37The other way was to fight them off like this famous Saxon did.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Hello. I'm Alfred the Great.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Great? We'll judge that after your movie idea.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48You could be Alfred the flop.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Alfred the box office bomb.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Alfred the turkey.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I really think I've got something, the story of my life.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Losers thinking they're interesting, that's the story of my life.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- Nice one!- This is really good.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05It starts with me defeated by the Danes, I'm on the run.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08I've got nothing but a few followers and I'm hiding out in a marsh
0:14:08 > 0:14:12but, from there I make small guerrilla attacks on the Danes
0:14:12 > 0:14:17and gradually with each victory I start to build an army,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20a full-time army, and navy too.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Then, at the climax of the story, the battle of Edington, I defeat
0:14:24 > 0:14:30the Danes and create a new country that today you call England.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Ergh! Yeah, what you've created there, my friend, is
0:14:34 > 0:14:36a massively over budget boreathon.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Alfred the Great. Aren't you the cake guy?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Oh, please, not this again.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- He is, he's the cake guy.- Cake guy? - The cake guy.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46He was hiding out in an old woman's cottage and she told him
0:14:46 > 0:14:49not to burn the cakes but he forgot, so she started battering him
0:14:49 > 0:14:52and he could have stopped her by saying, "I'm the King,"
0:14:52 > 0:14:53but it would have blown his cover.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Yes, it's a lovely little story, but it's not true, it didn't happen.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Age the old lady down, I'm thinking Jennifer Aniston.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- I love her. - We've got a romcom smash.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Please, I achieved so much, I invented the candle clock.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06And burnt some cakes.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11I revolutionised government and taxation, reformed the legal system.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15- Cake guy.- I wrote books, I had spectacular military successes
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- and I built the foundations of a new country.- Cake guy.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I don't want to be remembered for a cake story that never happened.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24This could be a great movie.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27You're right, and guess what, it's called, Alfred The Cake.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Get Ashton Kutcher on the phone, we've got a hit.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- Ashton Kutcher.- Look out, cake guy's getting upset.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Could we get this guy a, a cup of tea?
0:15:35 > 0:15:36Oh and a, a cake.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41I hate you so much.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06The answer is C, his hand was cut off
0:16:06 > 0:16:08and fastened to the workshop door.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Hero.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Colossal dragon.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Epic.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29School.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Apology. Amnesia.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37History, music, geography, philosophy, biology,
0:16:37 > 0:16:39economics, mathematics.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Disaster.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Practise grammar.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Catastrophe.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49We really valued education in ancient Greece
0:16:49 > 0:16:52so perhaps that's why we discovered so many marvellous things.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Nickos Ancient Greekious,
0:17:00 > 0:17:04in that last round, your chosen specialised subject,
0:17:04 > 0:17:06the ancient Greek Olympic Games,
0:17:06 > 0:17:10you scored a quite frankly annoying maximum 20 points.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13But in this next round, general knowledge, there's lots of
0:17:13 > 0:17:18modern stuff so I'm afraid you don't stand a snowball's chance in Hades.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20- We'll see about that. - We'll see about that.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22- Well, we will see about that.- WE will see about that.- Yes, we will.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- Er, we will.- As I said.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Your time starts - we'll see about that - now.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28What shape is the Earth?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- Round.- Yes, that's correct.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Greek philosopher Pythagoras worked that one out before 500 BC.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Well, you got lucky there, I think. Who invented yo-yo's?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39We Greeks did.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Correct. Well, you'll never get this one.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43What is a vending machine?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45A machine that dispenses stuff when you put coins in it.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47How on Earth did you know that?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Because Heron of Alexandria invented one in the first century AD.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Oh, "Heron of Alexandria..." You'll never get this one.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Who invented steam power? I'm going to have to hurry you?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Was it Heron of Alexandria again?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00No, I'm...
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Yes, it was, that's, that's correct. Who invented yo-yo's?
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Er, er, we did.- Correct.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Who suggested that a rainbow was a natural phenomenon
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- and not a sign from the gods? - Anaximenes.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Correct again.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Are we sure these are right because he's getting a lot of them?
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Yep, OK.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Who first realised that sea levels had risen and fallen
0:18:20 > 0:18:21over long periods of time?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Er, was it Xenophanes?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Correct, it was around 500 AD. Who invented yo-yo's?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- We did.- Yes, that's correct, sorry, that question keeps coming back.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Who first suggested the idea of atoms?
0:18:32 > 0:18:35That would be Greek philosopher Democritus.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Correct. Who invented democracy?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- Democritus. - Wrong! You're wrong.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42I've got you.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Well, it must have been him. - No, no, that's just a co-incidence.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Democracy actually means the rule of the people.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53And I'm afraid your time is up, Nickos Ancient Greekious,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56in that last round you got one question wrong.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58What about all the ones I got right?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Well, I prefer to focus on the one that you got wrong.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Sore loser.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06And you are an ex-contestant, leave the studio now, please, leave it.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Yes, those ancient Greeks sure were a smart bunch.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Greek brain box Aristotle was said to have known everything
0:19:14 > 0:19:15there was to know.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Oh, yeah?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I bet he didn't know what's the tastiest bit of a rotten pig.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Some Greeks were great lateral thinkers and none more so
0:19:24 > 0:19:27than Alexander the Great.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Roll up, roll up, have a go at untying the Gordian Knot.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32How about you, sir, you look like a Cretan.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36- What did you say?- A Cretan, an inhabitant of the island of Crete.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Well known for their intelligence and good looks.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40No, no, no, I'm from Isos.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Oh well, why not have a go at untying the Gordian Knot?
0:19:43 > 0:19:44What do I win if I untie it?
0:19:44 > 0:19:48This, standard issue, poorly crafted garden ornament.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I'm joking! You actually win Asia.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Asia, all of it?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Yeah, legend has it whoever unties the Gordian Knot will become
0:19:58 > 0:19:59King of all of Asia.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Oh, that's nice, I reckon if I
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- won that the missus from Isos will kiss us.- I reckon she probably will.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Right, um, what, what kind of knot is this?
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Well, I told you,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12it's your Gordian Knot guaranteed 100% impossible to undo.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14You didn't tell me it was impossible.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Of course I didn't, you wouldn't have a go if I told you that
0:20:17 > 0:20:20and I never tire of watching people fail to untie it.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Make way for Alexander the Great!
0:20:24 > 0:20:27So, this is the famous Gordian Knot.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Oh, I didn't know it was famous.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Legendary. This is the very knot, your greatness.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I wouldn't waste your time, mate, it's a con,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37this knot is 100% impossible to undo.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Oi, you can't do that!
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Actually, no, you're right, no-one said you couldn't use a sword.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Now, where's my Asia?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Um, sort of...over there.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Right, thanks.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02You any good at tying knots?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04I did bunny ears.
0:21:04 > 0:21:05I'll give that a whirl, yeah.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Hello, and welcome to the News At When. When?
0:21:20 > 0:21:23During the reign of George the III, when Britain, and indeed
0:21:23 > 0:21:28most of Europe, finds itself under threat from Napoleon Bonaparte,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31a brilliant if slightly power-crazed French emperor.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Here with more details on this fascinating man is Bob Hale,
0:21:35 > 0:21:37with the Napoleon report - Bob.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Thank you, Sam.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Well, "History is a set of lies that people have agreed upon."
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Who said that? Well, I did just then but I was only quoting this chap.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Yes, it's Napoleon Bonaparte, France's most famous general,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51who history has admittedly told a few porky pies about.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54For one thing, he wasn't that short, in fact he was 1.7 metres tall,
0:21:54 > 0:21:58the same height as Tom Cruise, and he's not short, is he?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01So, talking of short, not that he was short, this is the short history
0:22:01 > 0:22:04of Napoleon Bonaparte, starting right here in Corsica,
0:22:04 > 0:22:09where, in 1769, he makes his first important strategic move, being born.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Then he makes another one, moving over here to France
0:22:11 > 0:22:15and training as an army officer. And as a soldier he is revolutionary.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18A French revolutionary, as he helps to overthrow the monarchy
0:22:18 > 0:22:20and protect the new people's government.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23An act which wins him fame, wealth, influence and helicopters.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Though possibly not the last one.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28In fact, by 1796, our little soldier boy, not that he's little,
0:22:28 > 0:22:32is in control of the entire French army, and that's the end of that.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34But not for long!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37With an entire army under his belt, though not literally,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Napoleon sets about showing what he can do, invading Italy
0:22:40 > 0:22:43and Austria and attacking British trade routes over here in Egypt.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46A tactically brilliant plan which surprisingly falls short,
0:22:46 > 0:22:48not that he's short.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- Leaving him without so much as a boat to sail home with.- Ah!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53You can say ah if you want, but it's up to you.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55But, when he finally gets home to France,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58he has a nice surprise waiting for him and, no, it's not a helicopter.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00With the government bankrupt,
0:23:00 > 0:23:02the people want someone else to run the country.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04And guess who gets the job, Napoleon!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Yes, after a brief spell as governor,
0:23:06 > 0:23:09he declares himself Emperor of France, King of Italy
0:23:09 > 0:23:11and Sultan of Swing, though not the last one.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14How does he celebrate? Why, by having another war.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17He's utterly thrashed by Nelson's navy at the battle of Trafalgar,
0:23:17 > 0:23:21but he makes a cracking comeback, beating both Russia and Austria.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23And as a well done present to himself,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26builds a huge arch of triumph - can't remember what it's called.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27But, he doesn't stop there, oh, no -
0:23:27 > 0:23:30he brings even more countries into this new French Empire,
0:23:30 > 0:23:32which make lovely presents for the family.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34He gives Spain to his brother Joseph,
0:23:34 > 0:23:36makes big brother Louis King of Holland
0:23:36 > 0:23:39while his other brother, Gerome, gets some of Prussia.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40It makes a change from socks.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43In fact, there's just no stopping those Bonaparte boys right up until
0:23:43 > 0:23:46the point when someone stops those Bonaparte boys.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48It turns out that the countries of Europe
0:23:48 > 0:23:51don't much like being conquered, so they start a war against Napoleon
0:23:51 > 0:23:54and this time he really gets caught short, not that he's short.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58He loses the war, gets captured and tries to poison himself to death.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01But his plan hits a hiccup when the poison gives him hiccups,
0:24:01 > 0:24:03and he just vomits it all back up again.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05So the allies kick him off the throne,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08exile him to the tiny island of Elba and presumably clean up the vomit.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09And that is the end of that.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13But not for long! And I mean really not for long.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Within just 100 days, Napoleon escapes from the island,
0:24:15 > 0:24:18gets back to France, raises an army and, yeah, you've guessed it,
0:24:18 > 0:24:20starts another war.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23He strikes back at Europe, facing the Duke of Wellington at Waterloo.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26A battle which, unsurprisingly, proves to be his Waterloo.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Yes, he gets his little pants thrashed off,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31not that he's little, and is made to live out the rest of his life
0:24:31 > 0:24:32on St Helena.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35An island even smaller than Elba. Well, how small is it?
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Well, I'll tell you.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39If that's Elba, that's St Helena, that's the scale of a football pitch,
0:24:39 > 0:24:41that's a London bus, Napoleon, Tom Cruise,
0:24:41 > 0:24:43a sheep, a dog, a cat, a mouse,
0:24:43 > 0:24:45a spider, a baby spider, an atom and
0:24:45 > 0:24:48that's how much energy I've got left after explaining all of that to you.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Oh, honestly, I just need...
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Oh, oh, yeah.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Why on earth do I do these standing up?
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Oh, back to you, Sam.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03In 1805, the French army under Napoleon
0:25:03 > 0:25:06were the dominant land power, but when it came to naval power,
0:25:06 > 0:25:11the British navy under Admiral Lord Nelson simply ruled the waves.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Anchors away, boys.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18# We're the Georgian Navy
0:25:18 > 0:25:20# We've never been beat
0:25:20 > 0:25:22# Thanks to Admiral Nelson
0:25:22 > 0:25:24# Commander of the fleet. #
0:25:24 > 0:25:28The only things I've ever lost are this eye and this arm.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32- Yes, playing with these balls can really do you harm.- Ow!
0:25:32 > 0:25:36# He's the gaffer, he's the boss Knows every naval trick
0:25:36 > 0:25:39# Surprising thing about him Is sailing makes him sick
0:25:39 > 0:25:41# Georgian Navy!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43# Georgian Navy!
0:25:43 > 0:25:47# This is going to be your Waterloo
0:25:47 > 0:25:48# Nelson's Navy!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51# Nelson's Navy!
0:25:51 > 0:25:55# We're going to sink one more than you
0:25:55 > 0:25:58# England expects every man to do his duty, right?
0:25:58 > 0:26:02# Your side's not just from Engerland - you trying to start a fight? #
0:26:02 > 0:26:03I'm from Scotland.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- Ireland.- Wales. - I've transferred from the French.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10# We've even got West Indians sitting on the bench
0:26:10 > 0:26:13# Some of them were forced to sign some chose to join my crew
0:26:13 > 0:26:17# We fight to get our win bonus - mostly we fight for you
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- # Engerland! - Sort of
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- # Engerland! - Well, no, it's not
0:26:21 > 0:26:25# We're going to sink one more than you
0:26:25 > 0:26:26# Rule Britannia
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# Rule Britannia
0:26:32 > 0:26:36# When it comes to my attack the Gunners are my team
0:26:36 > 0:26:40# We've got the strongest arsenal the world has ever seen
0:26:40 > 0:26:44# Thanks to drill and practice we are magic with a ball
0:26:44 > 0:26:48# Means the French and Spanish ships don't stand a chance at all
0:26:48 > 0:26:51# We can get nasty injuries - sometimes it's best to dive
0:26:51 > 0:26:55# If you're hit by the enemy you're lucky to survive. #
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Magic sponge?
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Magic saw!
0:26:58 > 0:27:01# You've got to wait to fight
0:27:01 > 0:27:02# Only do it when it's right
0:27:02 > 0:27:04# You've got to break their line
0:27:04 > 0:27:06# They'll be swimming in the brine
0:27:06 > 0:27:08# Pick your time to shoot!
0:27:08 > 0:27:10# Then their ships we're going to loot
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# Going to be a hoot
0:27:12 > 0:27:15# For scurvy have some fruit! #
0:27:15 > 0:27:16Half time orange, anyone?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# Georgian Navy!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# Georgian Navy!
0:27:22 > 0:27:26# Won at Trafalgar but got shot - ow!
0:27:26 > 0:27:27# Nelson's Navy
0:27:27 > 0:27:30# Nelson's Navy. #
0:27:30 > 0:27:31You think it's all over?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33- Kiss me, Hardy.- ..it is now!
0:27:35 > 0:27:36# Tall tales, atrocious acts
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# We gave you all the fearsome facts... #
0:27:38 > 0:27:40If you enjoyed that, why not come and play?
0:27:40 > 0:27:44Go to the CBBC Website and click on Horrible Histories.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46See you there!
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# The past is no longer a mystery
0:27:48 > 0:27:50# Hope you enjoyed
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# Horrible Histories. #
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd