0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights, Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, Savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:23# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:36 > 0:00:41Christopher Columbus was one of the world's greatest explorers,
0:00:41 > 0:00:44but sometimes he got a little confused.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48"Captain's Log October 12th 1492.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52"I, Christopher Columbus, am heading westwards on my ship,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54"the Santa Maria.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57"It is over two months since we set sail from Spain
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- "and still no sign of land." - Land ahoy!
0:01:01 > 0:01:07- Land ahoy, Captain! Land ahoy! I...- OK, get your breath back.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I spotted it. I should claim the king's reward.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- The king's reward is rightfully yours.- Thank you.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19- Unless someone else spotted land last night.- What?- Me, for instance.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24I don't see how you would have seen it, given that it's over there.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Let's see what the Captain's Log says when we get back to Spain.
0:01:28 > 0:01:33Don't. The important thing is my mission is complete.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I, Captain Christopher Columbus,
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- have discovered a whole new passage to India.- India?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44They said it was impossible to sail due west from Spain to India.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49- It still is.- Another doubter. I suppose you think the Earth is flat!
0:01:49 > 0:01:54- No, I know what shape the Earth is, Captain.- Good. It's pear shaped.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58- This trip is pear shaped. The Earth is a sphere.- Not according my map.
0:01:58 > 0:02:03This must be right. It got us all the way to India.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08I'm quite an experienced sailor. We haven't arrived in India.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12- We went uphill from Spain. - Uphill?- Yeah.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Over the brow of the pear,
0:02:13 > 0:02:18past the Canary Islands where we saw those mermaids.
0:02:18 > 0:02:23- You mean sea cows.- They weren't the best looking, but that's harsh.
0:02:23 > 0:02:29- And all the way round until... Hola India! Hola India!- Captain...
0:02:29 > 0:02:34- I say hola, you say India. Hola.- India.- Hola.- India. No.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Can't you admit you're wrong?- Never!
0:02:37 > 0:02:42I am Captain Christopher Columbus, the finest sailor and navigator.
0:02:42 > 0:02:48If I go looking for India, India is what I find. Good day.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58- Door?- It's there. - I know that. It's my cabin.
0:02:59 > 0:03:04That's all true. Christopher Columbus never landed in America.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08He'd discovered the islands known as the West Indies,
0:03:08 > 0:03:13so called because Columbus believed he'd reached the west of India.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16The rat knows all. Unlike Columbus.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20The person who really discovered America was this fella.
0:03:25 > 0:03:30I'm here to pitch the movie of my discovery of America.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Thank you for coming in, Mr Columbus. Take a seat.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38I think you have me confused with someone else. I'm Leif Ericsson.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- Must be a nickname.- Mine's Bubbles.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- Is Leif Ericsson short for Christopher Columbus?- No.
0:03:43 > 0:03:49- It's long for Leif Ericsson. - Columbus discovered America.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53- Columbus sailed the ocean blue. - He took with him honey and money,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- wrapped in a five pound note. - Owl and the Pussycat.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- Talking animals. Get Antonio Banderas and Eddie Murphy.- Eddie Murphy!
0:04:00 > 0:04:06What do you mean, 1492? I discovered America in 1002.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- You say you discovered it before Columbus?- Is this a fantasy?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- Are you Conan the Barbarian? - No. I'm Leif Ericsson.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Us Vikings went to America 500 years before this Columbus!
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- You're a Viking!- That explains the fur.- Not cool. I've got a mink.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24If you're a Viking, how come your helmet doesn't have horns?
0:04:24 > 0:04:28- Viking helmets don't have horns. - OK, no problem.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- This is a massive problem. - Do you want to make my movie?
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- It's no from me.- Nnnn-ggg. - It's three noes.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Christopher Columbusson, you're sailing home.- Nice one.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41This is an epic saga. The Viking warriors who sailed
0:04:41 > 0:04:44their longboats to find a new continent.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- This meeting's a saga.- Nice one.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Everyone thinks someone else discovered America.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- We cannot have you pillaging our history.- A Thor loser!
0:04:53 > 0:04:55I've had enough of this.
0:04:55 > 0:05:01- Overreaction.- Anyone would think he's the first Viking to get axed!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I don't get it.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Welcome to beautiful Canterbury,
0:05:14 > 0:05:20which is today readying itself for a royal visit from King Henry II.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25We have been told King Henry plans to visit the city's cathedral.
0:05:25 > 0:05:31The royal party should be making its way down this street any minute now.
0:05:31 > 0:05:37It seems like a tramp has wandered onto the king's parade route.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- You need to clear off. - What?- The king is coming.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45- I am the king, you fool! - Oh, my goodness!
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Your Majesty, is this an initiative to make the royal family
0:05:49 > 0:05:51seem more down to earth?
0:05:51 > 0:05:56- You might have taken it too far. - I did come all the way from London.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- You walked from London? - Not all the way. I got a lift.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04But I did walk the last couple of miles in barefoot.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Why?- As penance, I have done a terrible thing.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12If you include what I did on the roadside, two terrible things.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15What was the other terrible thing?
0:06:15 > 0:06:19I appointed my pal Thomas Becket as Archbishop of Canterbury
0:06:19 > 0:06:22to sort out my church problems. A man on the inside.
0:06:22 > 0:06:27- Sounds like a clever plan.- It wasn't. He started getting all religious
0:06:27 > 0:06:31and turned out to be a royal pain in the royal backside.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36I got angry with him. I have these idiot knights... Here they are.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40- Sorry. Got lost on the ring road.- There isn't a ring road.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45- That's why we got lost.- These must be the idiot knights. No offence.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48We get it all the time.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I got in a mood with Thomas Becket and said,
0:06:51 > 0:06:57"Who will rid me of this troublesome priest?" And guess what they did.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- THEY MUTTER - Speak up.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- ALL:- Beat him to death.- I asked them to put the frighteners on him.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09But they beat him to death on the altar of Canterbury Cathedral,
0:07:09 > 0:07:11the holiest place in England.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- I said I'm sorry.- Are we going to do this now?- I...- No. Shush.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19To atone for the murder I unwittingly ordered,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22I had a shrine of Thomas built here and I'm on a pilgrimage
0:07:22 > 0:07:28- to pay respect to my murdered friend.- What a tragic story.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Did we find out who the idiot knights were?
0:07:32 > 0:07:37- Anyway, I've got to be on my way. - Just a few more questions.- I'm tired.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- It won't take five minutes. - I've said no.- I'll be quick.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44- Who will rid me of this troublesome reporter?- We will!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Guys, I was joking!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Done it again.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50You're fired.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57To atone for his sins, Henry II was whipped my monkeys.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59That should be monks, sorry.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03A king being whipped my monkeys is a funnier image.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08In the Middle Ages, there were ways to be pardoned for your sins.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Help is at hand.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23If you want a fast, easy way to get back in the good books,
0:08:23 > 0:08:29our team of pardoners are waiting to help you at Cash My Sin.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34Our staff will be able to tell you how naughty you've been
0:08:34 > 0:08:37and how much you have to pay to buy your pardon.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41I stole this apple from My Lordship's apple tree.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45It cost me just three pennies to buy my forgiveness.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Getting pardoned in the Middle Ages is easier than you think.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53Our prices are simple to understand and very reasonable.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56I'm jealous of my neighbour's horse.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01That is the sin of envy. Two pence, please. You are forgiven.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06- Have you seen my new shoes? They're great.- That is the sin of pride.
0:09:06 > 0:09:11- Another two pence, please. - I don't have any more money.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15- All right, I lied.- Thruppence. - What?!- That's another two pence.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Anger is a sin as well.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23- Just one shilling covers a multitude of sins.- Great.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27It's easy, it's great value
0:09:27 > 0:09:31and it means you won't burn in the fires of Hell for all eternity.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34It's got to be worth it.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37# My chances of Heaven were looking thin
0:09:37 > 0:09:40# Till I gave lots of dosh to Cash My Sin. #
0:09:48 > 0:09:53In the Georgian era, Russian Tsar Peter III commanded a large army,
0:09:53 > 0:09:58although you might find some of his troops to be rather surprising.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Court of Historical Law is in session.
0:10:02 > 0:10:09Prosecuting today, all the way from Russia, it's Tsar Peter III.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- Actually, I'm not quite Tsar yet. - The future Tsar Peter III.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17And the accused appears to be a rat.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21Are you seriously going to bring legal proceedings against a rat?
0:10:21 > 0:10:26No. It will be a military hearing with a view to court martial.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31- OK. - So, Mr Rat, assuming you are a rat
0:10:31 > 0:10:34and that is not an elaborate disguise...
0:10:34 > 0:10:39- What would disguise itself as a rat? - A mouse with delusions of grandeur.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44- Good point.- Mr Rat, I put it to you that on the night of May 15th,
0:10:44 > 0:10:48you chewed the head off of General Balochi.
0:10:48 > 0:10:54- How is that even possible?- A question best put to my first witness.
0:10:54 > 0:11:00- Please, call to the stand, Corporal Harkov.- Call Corporal Harkov.
0:11:00 > 0:11:07Did you witness the vicious head chew of Major General Balochi?
0:11:07 > 0:11:10"Yes, indeed I did."
0:11:10 > 0:11:16And can you identify the rat or mouse in rat's costume
0:11:16 > 0:11:18anywhere here today?
0:11:18 > 0:11:22"It's him. He did it!" No further questions.
0:11:22 > 0:11:27- Your witness appears to be a toy figure.- And an excellent soldier.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31You found a rat chewing one of the toy soldiers
0:11:31 > 0:11:35in your bedroom and you're giving it a military trial.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- Nothing less than the monster deserves.- Do you think...?
0:11:39 > 0:11:43That we should move on to sentencing? Excellent idea.
0:11:43 > 0:11:48So I hereby court martial you and sentence you to hang by the neck.
0:11:48 > 0:11:54- This can't get any weirder.- Using these tiny gallows that I built.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- It could get weirder. - You stand there, you get nice view.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03He hanged a rat for chewing on his cardboard fortress
0:12:03 > 0:12:07and two of his toy soldiers. I demand a retrial!
0:12:07 > 0:12:11As it turned out, he only ruled as Tsar Peter III
0:12:11 > 0:12:14for six months before he was assassinated.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18What goes around, comes around.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, They're funny cos they're true
0:12:24 > 0:12:30# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, Hope next time it's not you. #
0:12:30 > 0:12:34..And then they all died vomiting!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Ooh, tough crowd!
0:12:36 > 0:12:42What are you two up to? Oh, well. One for the gossip columns. Next!
0:12:42 > 0:12:47- And you are?- Hannah Twynnoy, Georgian barmaid.- Ooh, a barmaid, you say.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- Which pub did you work in? - The White Lion in Malmesbury.
0:12:51 > 0:12:57Don't know it. My local's called the King's Head's Been Chopped Off.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- So what's your story?- In the summer, a travelling circus arrived.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- Hold the ketchup! Did you say travelling circus?- Yeah.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I love it already! Do carry on.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12The circus set up in the rear yard of the White Lion.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Did they have a white lion?
0:13:14 > 0:13:19No, but they had all sorts of animals, including a tiger.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- I ain't never seen one before.- You don't get many tigers in Malmesbury.
0:13:23 > 0:13:28No, you don't. I prodded it with a sharp stick.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31You do know that tigers are highly dangerous?
0:13:31 > 0:13:37The circus staff did warn me, but it was such fun.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I was poking it and prodding it.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44I threw things at it, I mocked it, I jabbed it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- And?- It got fed up and killed me.
0:13:47 > 0:13:53There's a surprise! Hey, that was a big cat-astrophy!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Big cat-astrophy...
0:13:56 > 0:14:01But I was the first person in Britain to be killed by a tiger.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04How about this one? Stupid deaths are g-r-r-r-reat!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Like the tiger in the advert!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09That joke's dated? Look who's talking.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14- I love your story, you're through to the afterlife.- Much obliged.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17What is it with Mummies? No sense of humour.
0:14:17 > 0:14:22# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, Hope next time it's not you. #
0:14:28 > 0:14:33I cannot wait to get paid. I'm going down the taverna.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37They've got an all you can eat cow's udder and pig's trotter special.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Sweet as a nut!
0:14:39 > 0:14:45- Hello, Chief. You got something for me?- Name.- Antonius Moreilus.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50- Four-month military campaign in northern Italy?- That's the one.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- Give us the dosh.- Here's your pay.
0:14:52 > 0:14:57Don't spend it all at once, as my mother used to say.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- This isn't money. This is salt. - Well, obviously.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05I was expecting to get paid in coins. The Romans are famous for it.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Paying our soldiers in salt is quite standard.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Hence the term salary, from the Latin for salt.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16What am I supposed to buy with a bag of salt? Pepper?!
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Pepper, cow's udders... You can swap it for anything you want.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Merchants are happy to exchange goods for anything of an equivalent value.
0:15:24 > 0:15:29All right. At least I'll have something to put on my meat.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33Join the army, they say. It's a great career, they say.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38Paid in salt, they didn't mention. This sack's getting lighter.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42As the Roman Empire grew, we needed more and more troops.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45We made our army compulsory.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50Some people would go to surprising lengths to avoid military service.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01- Hello.- Antonius Polex? - Maybe. Who's asking?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04I am a recruitment officer from the Roman army.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09You have been selected to join the army for at least ten years.
0:16:09 > 0:16:15- I'm being conscripted?- Yes, you are. Congratulations, Legionary Polex.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19I'd like nothing better than to spend the next ten years
0:16:19 > 0:16:24fighting in some god forsaken corner of the Republic,
0:16:24 > 0:16:26but unfortunately, no thumbs.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- Oh, that is a shame.- I know.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35I accidentally chopped them off in a kitchen accident.
0:16:35 > 0:16:41Totally useless. I can't even hold a spear or a sword, look.
0:16:41 > 0:16:48- Well, how could you?- Waste of time. I'm gutted, honestly.- Bet you are.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51This is the third time this has happened today.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55- Everyone's accidentally cutting their thumbs off.- You're joking.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58It's like people are deliberately
0:16:58 > 0:17:01cutting their thumbs off in order to avoid joining.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06- No way. Who would do something like that?- You tell me, Tony.
0:17:06 > 0:17:11We've decided that from now on, anyone who deliberately
0:17:11 > 0:17:15accidentally cuts off their thumbs will get some more injuries.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20- Really?- Yeah, some more serious ones.- Oh, yeah?
0:17:20 > 0:17:25- What were you saying about your thumbs?- Look! They're back!
0:17:25 > 0:17:30There they are! I couldn't see them. That happens sometimes.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35- Welcome to the Roman army.- Thanks. I'm looking forward to it.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Grab him, Marcus.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Yes, the Gauls were very superstitious.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12Accept our sacrifice, god of thunder. Keep the sky from falling upon us.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16Shouldn't we sacrifice him to Esus, the god of war,
0:18:16 > 0:18:21to ensure victory in battle? Or better Teutates, god of our tribe.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26We've got too many gods. It's impossible to choose.
0:18:52 > 0:18:58I don't care, as long as I don't have to listen to him.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Show mercy. At least cut my ears off.
0:19:13 > 0:19:19- Hello and welcome to the Early Show. I'm Early Man.- And I'm Early Woman.
0:19:19 > 0:19:24Coming up later, we'll have our regular interior design feature.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28We'll show you how to make your cave look less bare with these
0:19:28 > 0:19:30charming bear skulls.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35An we'll be showing you a handy technique for using your hand
0:19:35 > 0:19:38to paint prints on your cave walls.
0:19:38 > 0:19:43Have you ever looked at a wolf and thought, "He just needs a cuddle"?
0:19:43 > 0:19:48- Our next guest has.- We're lucky enough to have with us Geoff,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51who has been trying to domesticate wolves.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Let's have a look at him in action.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Sit, no. Bad wolf. No. No!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01THEY GROWL
0:20:01 > 0:20:03No!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- Please welcome Geoff.- Hi.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- Geoff, how has it been going? - Not great, if I'm honest.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- Wolves don't really want to be domesticated.- Who'd have thought!
0:20:16 > 0:20:23- How exactly does the domestication programme work?- Or rather, not work!
0:20:23 > 0:20:27The plan is to convince the wolves I'm their pack leader.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- Rather than their food.- I will pair off the least aggressive wolves,
0:20:31 > 0:20:35who will produce less aggressive wolves and repeat that cycle
0:20:35 > 0:20:39until the aggressive streak is bred out of wolves entirely.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43- How long will this take? - Quite a while.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Geoff, what is the point in domesticating wolves?
0:20:47 > 0:20:52They'll be able to help you when hunting, warn you of danger.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55If you throw a stick, they will bring it back.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00- If you want the stick, why throw it away?- I don't know.
0:21:00 > 0:21:06I believe domesticated wolves will become man's best friend.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Have you thought of a name for these wolves?
0:21:10 > 0:21:15- Yes, I call them Geoffs.- How about D-O-Gs?- Dogs, it could work.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18As in Devours Over-Optimistic Geoff!
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- That would be "doogs" because of the hyphen.- Listen, mate...
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Coming up, our cookery show. I'll be eating a bear's stomach.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30And I'll be bringing up the contents of my stomach.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Humans really did domesticate wolves in the Stone Age.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Dogs are descended from wolves.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Hard to believe when you look at a Chihuahua.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Stone Agers used their domesticated wolves to help them hunt.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48They needed more than dogs to bring down a woolly mammoth.
0:21:50 > 0:21:57- Where other caveman?- Others hunt. - What hunt for?- Mammoth.- Mammoth big.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Mammoth strong.
0:21:59 > 0:22:05- Not want to get too close to mammoth. Throw spear.- Throw spear no good.
0:22:05 > 0:22:10Fur too thick. But caveman clever. Hunt as team.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15- Oh!- Clever caveman frighten mammoth. Chase mammoth off cliff.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Mammoth fall, mammoth die!
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- Stupid mammoth!- Stupid mammoth! Clever caveman.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- Which cliff did the caveman use? - Erm...
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Urgh. Stupid caveman.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38One of the most memorable events of Queen Victoria's reign was the
0:22:38 > 0:22:43Great Exhibition, which she opened with her husband, Albert, in 1851.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Good day.
0:22:44 > 0:22:49Is it true the exhibition includes the world's largest diamond?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Indeed. The Koh-I-Nor, the most beautiful thing you'll ever see.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Unless of course you're looking into a mirror!
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Wait until you see the tempest prognosticator,
0:22:59 > 0:23:03- a barometer that predicts the weather.- So sophisticated.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Using leeches. - Don't blind me with science.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09And the latest in tasty treats. Ice cream and fizzy drinks.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- And a flushing toilet. - Not in the same room!
0:23:13 > 0:23:17I must say, Mr Cole, your exhibition looks great.
0:23:17 > 0:23:24- A truly great exhibition. You should name it as such.- Yes, Ma'am. We did.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- It is settled. It is rather noisy though.- Yes.
0:23:27 > 0:23:33The problem with building our Crystal Palace in a park
0:23:33 > 0:23:38is the local sparrows. It has caused issues, such as noise and...
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- SHE SCREAMS - I need not finish that sentence.
0:23:41 > 0:23:46- Remove the sparrows.- We've tried, Your Majesty. The roof is too high.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Constable, shoot them.- Stop.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53The Crystal Palace is built from 900,000 square feet of glass.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57Could you imagine anything worse than being covered in broken glass?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Right at this moment, yes!
0:23:59 > 0:24:05- I might have a solution.- Duke of Wellington, what would you suggest?
0:24:05 > 0:24:10I'd release a couple of sparrow hawks in here.
0:24:10 > 0:24:15- They'd take care of this infestation.- Then it's settled.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20Wellington, release your sparrow hawks before I'm covered...
0:24:20 > 0:24:26I don't know what's worse. The mess or the constant interruptions!
0:24:26 > 0:24:30- What are you waiting for? - Release the sparrow hawks.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35It seems Wellington's hawks have solved your little problem.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39- Indeed.- Another excellent idea.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43- There is one problem. - What's that?- They're much bigger.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47SHE SCREAMS Incredible aim though.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52It's true.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56At the Great Exhibition, they used hawks to get rid of the sparrows.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00I imagine any rats also got out of there, like a rat up a drainpipe.
0:25:00 > 0:25:05The exhibition helped make Prince Albert popular.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Until then, people hadn't liked him. Apart from Victoria, of course.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19# For 40 years, I ruled alone
0:25:19 > 0:25:23# Shed all those tears while on the throne
0:25:23 > 0:25:26# What got me through the pain and hurt
0:25:26 > 0:25:29# Was clinging to the memory of Albert
0:25:29 > 0:25:32# I loved her so, my darling Vicky
0:25:32 > 0:25:36# So much, you know almost made me sicky
0:25:36 > 0:25:39# I was not liked in your country
0:25:39 > 0:25:42# But who cares when I had her love for me
0:25:44 > 0:25:46# Her love for me
0:25:48 > 0:25:51# Oh, V and A, oh, A and V
0:25:51 > 0:25:54# Each way still spells L-O-V-E
0:25:54 > 0:25:58# Oh, A and V, oh, V and A
0:25:58 > 0:26:03# They'll name a building after us one day
0:26:08 > 0:26:11# In love from our first rendezvous
0:26:11 > 0:26:14# As Queen, had to propose to you
0:26:14 > 0:26:17# You were my rock in a crisis
0:26:17 > 0:26:21# Like when someone tried to shoot you but they missed
0:26:21 > 0:26:25# We were a real celebrity pair
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- # Was first Queen Vic - First Albert- Square
0:26:28 > 0:26:32# The press watched every smile and flirt
0:26:32 > 0:26:36# Called us Alboria, but I preferred Vicbert
0:26:36 > 0:26:40# You can call me Al!
0:26:40 > 0:26:43# Oh, Bert and Vic, oh, Vic and Bert
0:26:43 > 0:26:47# Nine kids, great family advert
0:26:47 > 0:26:49# Oh, Vic and Bert, oh, Bert and Vic
0:26:49 > 0:26:54# Yet I found babies ugly, ironic
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Urgh, my eyes!
0:26:59 > 0:27:02# We set trends, started new traditions
0:27:02 > 0:27:05# Christmas trees, wearing tartan with style
0:27:05 > 0:27:09# Albert backed the Great Exhibition
0:27:09 > 0:27:14# Which made Great Britain Albert-o-phile
0:27:14 > 0:27:15At last!
0:27:15 > 0:27:18# Oh, Vic and Al, oh, Al and Vic
0:27:18 > 0:27:22# You showed our kids love with your stick
0:27:22 > 0:27:25# Oh, Al and Vic, Oh Vic and Al
0:27:25 > 0:27:29# Ours was a truly grand affair royale
0:27:34 > 0:27:38# Then Albert died, which left just me
0:27:38 > 0:27:42# Just V, no A, no A, just V
0:27:42 > 0:27:46# Oh, how I mourned my special pal
0:27:46 > 0:27:47# I loved you, Vic
0:27:47 > 0:27:50# I loved you, Al. #
0:27:55 > 0:27:57# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you the fearsome facts... #
0:27:57 > 0:28:03If you enjoyed that, why not play the new AD BC Time Tour Music Game?
0:28:03 > 0:28:08Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories. Rock on!
0:28:08 > 0:28:13# Hope you enjoyed... Horrible Histories. #