0:00:02 > 0:00:05# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians
0:00:05 > 0:00:07# Woeful Wars, Ferocious Fights Dingy Castles, Daring Knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# Vicious Vikings, Cruel Crime Punishments from ancient times
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# Groovy Greeks, Reigning stages Mean and Measley Middle Ages
0:00:19 > 0:00:20# Gory Stories we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:27# Welcome to... #
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Hello, I'm a gorgeous Viking scientist,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46and this is the wonders of the Viking universe.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48You know, we Vikings are amazing scientists,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50we can navigate across the world's oceans
0:00:50 > 0:00:52just by using our knowledge of the stars.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53We can tell where we are
0:00:53 > 0:00:55just by looking at the consistency of coastal mud.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59What we Vikings don't know about the universe isn't worth knowing.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01And we also know that it rests
0:01:01 > 0:01:04in the branches of an enormous tree called Yggdrasil.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It's a massive tree, amazing.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Brian, stick to the script, mate, yeah?
0:01:08 > 0:01:11At the bottom of the tree is the land of the dead
0:01:11 > 0:01:13and right up high, the top of the tree, is Asgard.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Now, that's where all the gods live,
0:01:15 > 0:01:17and it's all surrounded by this vast ocean
0:01:17 > 0:01:20with a big snake in it called Jormungandr.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23It's a huge snake, amazing.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- All right, Brian, I'm going to stop you there, yeah, mate.- What?
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Erm, I'll let the tree rubbish go, because it's a nice picture, yeah?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32But the massive snake is ludicrous.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35No, it's not. No, it's Viking scientific fact.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38You know, like the beautiful gigantic bridge in the, in the sky
0:01:38 > 0:01:41that connects where we live to Asgard, the home of the gods.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Amazing.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Right, if it's so amazing, why can't we see it?
0:01:45 > 0:01:48You can. Well, that's what a rainbow is.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50No, Brian, a rainbow is just a refraction of light, yeah?
0:01:50 > 0:01:54No, no, every Viking knows it's a bridge you walk on to Asgard
0:01:54 > 0:01:57if you can get past Heimdall, the warrior who guards it.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00All right, Brian. Sorry about this, all right? Come on, lads.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02No, wait. I haven't told you about Loki,
0:02:02 > 0:02:04who gave birth to an eight-legged horse.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06It's Viking scientific fact.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Amazing.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09It's true.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Vikings believed all that nonsense.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16They really did think Loki gave birth to an eight-legged horse.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Bet they've never had that story line on Holby City.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Yes, it's fair to say those Vikings did things a bit differently.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25TELEPHONE RINGS
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Hello, historical dates,
0:02:27 > 0:02:30call us with speed if it's a partner you need.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33I'm sorry you had a terrible date with Alexander the Great.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Perhaps you'll have a great one with Ivan the Terrible.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38CLIENT HANGS UP
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Maybe you should go out with him.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Oh, no, I've had enough, Karen. I'm not dating any more men.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Least of all these historical ones.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46HORN TOOTS
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Oh, hello, the Viking.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50What can I do for you?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52I am looking for a woman.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- Bing. - She must be good at fighting.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Well, you should see me on a Saturday night.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58And she must be able to manage the farm
0:02:58 > 0:03:00whilst I'm away on Viking raids.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I love animals, I do.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Embarrassing.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Well, in that case, what are you doing tonight?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09What? Really?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Wait till my mum hears I'm going out with a Viking.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14No! You must not tell your mum.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16If you tell your mum, I must marry you.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18What?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20A Viking who takes too long to propose to a woman
0:03:20 > 0:03:22can be physically harmed by this woman's family.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Hello, Mum.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25I'm going on a date with a Viking,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28I got to go, I got a wedding to organise.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Babe, you hardly know him.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Now, how much will your father want for you?
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Sorry?
0:03:33 > 0:03:35We Vikings always pay for the bride.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Sally's as cheap as chips,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40For two bags of chips, you probs marry Sally and her sister.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- All right.- Nice deal.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Right, I must go and fetch the goat.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45The what?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48To sacrifice, so that we can drip its blood over us.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- Lovely.- And then we will eat, drink and wrestle.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Sounds like your cousin's wedding, Sal.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56And then we will hurl insults at each other.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59You cut price Saxon bride from hell, you stupid...
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Oh, OK. Now, I'm going to stop you there, I don't want to marry you.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I just think it's moving a bit too fast.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09OK, listen, since I'm here, do you mind if I do a bit of pillaging?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Oh, no, not at all. Help yourself.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Doing anything nice at the weekend, Karen?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Well, I'm thinking I might...
0:04:24 > 0:04:27One of our most unpopular emperors was Emperor Nero.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29He really had no shame.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- Oh, I can't believe it. - Mother.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37The whole city burnt to the ground and our home, our beautiful home.
0:04:37 > 0:04:38TRUMPETS
0:04:38 > 0:04:41His Majesty, the Emperor Nero.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Hail me.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Oh, mighty Emperor, thank you for visiting us in our hour of need.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Well, yeah, of course.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49OK, so let's have a look, shall we?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51What do you make? I make it 5.4?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Darling, he's going to rebuild it.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Yes, I am, time is of the essence, people.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58- Emperor.- Thank you.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I see a beautiful Roman palace, lots of Roman villas,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05lots of pavilions, a man-made lake and a revolving dining room.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I've always wanted one of those.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09She has always wanted one of those.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11What? Oh! I get it, yeah.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13You think I'm building this for you.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15No, no. I'm building a palace for me,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17right here in the centre of Rome.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Where will we live?
0:05:19 > 0:05:20I dunno, on the edge of town.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Do you know an area called the slums? Ha-ha-ha!
0:05:23 > 0:05:26But they're just full of dirty poor people.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Well, all your stuff's been burnt to a crisp,
0:05:28 > 0:05:30you should feel right at home.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32But, Emperor, our... our lives have been destroyed,
0:05:32 > 0:05:33you have to do something for us.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34And so I shall.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I promise you I will not rest
0:05:37 > 0:05:41until there is a 35-metre bronze statue of me just there.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45How shall I pose? Grapes, no grapes.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Argh.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Oh, save the waterworks, love.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- There's no fire left to put out. Ha-ha-ha!- Ha-ha!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Oh, very funny, Emperor, very funny.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Tss, oh, I'm literally on fire.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- Oh, because of the fire!- Cos of the fire.- Yeah, well, brilliant, yeah.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Right, let's take a look at the bathroom, shall we?
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Did he...?
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Nero declared himself the winner despite crashing out,
0:06:21 > 0:06:26unlike this champion who earned his fame and fortune in the Roman arena.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Enjoy the thrills and spills,
0:06:32 > 0:06:33but chiefly the spills,
0:06:33 > 0:06:35of chariot racing at the Circus Maximus,
0:06:35 > 0:06:38with celebrity charioteer, Scorpus.
0:06:40 > 0:06:432,000 and counting.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52And the most brutal and deadly race of all time.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Good choice.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Choose team colour.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12Yeah, green's good.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Although red doesn't show up your opponents' blood so much.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18He-he-he-he!
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Let the race commence.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Ho-ho-ooh!
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Do you have what it takes to survive the seven laps?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Oh, yeah.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Well, he doesn't.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Watch out for the fallen charioteer,
0:07:28 > 0:07:30you don't want to miss him.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Nearly missed you. Ha-ha!
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- And watch out for the flying horse poo.- Ha-ha-ha!
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Avoid the broken chariots, known as shipwrecks.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40If you do crash, don't forget to let go of the reins.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Oh, unlucky, you can't, they're wrapped around your waist.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44So long, sucker.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Scorpus wins.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Yeah.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49And I live to race another day,
0:07:49 > 0:07:51unlike my winning horse,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53who is to be sacrificed to the gods.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55I shall miss you, Dobbinus.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I'm not crying.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06No way, I'm not crying, I'm not.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:08:16 > 0:08:18# They're funny cos they're true Wooh!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:08:20 > 0:08:23# Hope next time it's not you He, hee! #
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Oh, no, no, you're doing awfully well,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29a new judge is just what we needed, keep these two on their toes.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Next! And you are?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Richard Lionheart, King of England.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Mm, also known as the King of France.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Oh, if only.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41I hate England, that's why I was always away fighting.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Oh, which presumably explains the er...
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Yes.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Come on, then, hit me with it. The story, not the sword. He-he-he!
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Well, I was besieging a castle in France.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51As you do.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54And I became highly amused by one of the defenders.
0:08:54 > 0:09:00He was holding a crossbow in the one hand, and a frying pan in the other.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03He was using it as a shield, every time an arrow came towards him,
0:09:03 > 0:09:05pop, he popped it away, pop.
0:09:05 > 0:09:0740, love. New balls please!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- Sorry? - As in tennis.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Tennis?
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Oh, never mind. Carry on.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14It was the funniest thing you've ever seen,
0:09:14 > 0:09:18I was laughing and all the guys were laughing, we were having great time.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21And sadly, I didn't notice that there was a small boy
0:09:21 > 0:09:23aiming his crossbow at me.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Oh, I see. Ouch.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28And the wound went gangrenous, et voila, here I am.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30How come your armour didn't stop the arrow?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Oh, I wasn't wearing any armour.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35You went into battle without wearing any armour?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Oh, tough. It's how I rule.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Oh! Ha-ha-ha!
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Well that, yeah, erm, you're not Richard the Lionheart,
0:09:42 > 0:09:45you're Richard the Chicken Brain. Ha-ha-ha!
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Mummy's joke, you two raise your game,
0:09:48 > 0:09:50you're through to the afterlife.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Oh, by the way, what happened to the little boy who killed you?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I gave my men the orders that he must be forgiven
0:09:57 > 0:09:58and given a full pardon.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Mm, nice touch.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- Au revoir. - Au revoir.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Next!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Arh. I take it Richard's men didn't obey his order.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Oh, well, what you going to do? You're through. Ha-ha.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Next!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:10:17 > 0:10:21# Hope next time it's not you Hoo-hoo! #
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Richard the Lionheart fought in the Crusades
0:10:23 > 0:10:25and in their bid to capture the Holy Land,
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Crusaders went away on long journeys
0:10:28 > 0:10:30through unfamiliar foreign countries.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33And so they had to be ready for anything.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36My name is Sir William Giscard,
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I am your worst nightmare.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42I am going to turn you into crusaders or kill you trying.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- BOTH: Sir, yes, Sir! - Why are you here, soldier?
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Because I'm a lean, mean, crusading machine, Sir.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Arh, freckles here thinks he's a fighter.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Well, freckles, can you defend yourself against a Saracen lance?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- Sir, yes, Sir! - How about a Saracen sword,
0:10:53 > 0:10:56can you defend yourself against Zimmertar?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- Sir, yes, Sir!- What about a man with elephant trunks for ears?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Sir, yes. No, what?
0:11:00 > 0:11:01Know your enemy.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05The Penati is not an Italian cake, it's just one of the monsters
0:11:05 > 0:11:08you may have to fight in the Holy Land.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11What is so funny, soldier, am I amusing to you?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Sir, not you, Sir, the man with stupid ears.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Oh, he's funny, is he?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17What would you do if he was charging towards you, argh?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19What would you do then?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Erm, cut his ears off?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Right, yeah, that'll do it.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27What about the one-legged Cyclops?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Too slow, you think that's slow
0:11:29 > 0:11:31and he will dance on your grave.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32- Hop.- Hop on your grave.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Right, freckles, you know so much about him,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37you can be the one-legged Cyclops and attack me.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Attack me!
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Argh!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Get out of it! Did you see what I just did?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- Pushed him over. - I just pushed him over!
0:11:45 > 0:11:49The one-legged Cyclops has one fatal weakness,
0:11:49 > 0:11:51he only has one leg, clue's in the name.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54As monsters go, these ones are a bit rubbish, really, aren't they?
0:11:54 > 0:11:57You clearly haven't met the Antipodes.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58What's he got, Sir, no legs?
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Oh, he's got some legs, soldier, he's got a fine pair of legs.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04They're pointing in the wrong direction.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06That's right, Mr Smarty Armour Underpants.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08What would you do if he was running towards you?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Do whatever I like, cos he'd be facing the wrong way.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14What about a horned human who grows old when he's seven?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Hide and wait till he dies of old age.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20What about a bird, so big it can pick up an elephant?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23I guess I'd shoot him down with arrows, I mean you can't miss.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27Sir, are you sure all these monsters actually exist?
0:12:27 > 0:12:28Do you want to see proof?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Do you want to see scars?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Well, when I meet them, I will show you the scars.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37You haven't actually met one, then?
0:12:37 > 0:12:41We have had detailed descriptions of these monsters by travellers.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- And they've seen them? - They've heard about them, yes.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Face it, none of these monsters actually exist.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48There is one that exists,
0:12:48 > 0:12:50and I've seen him with my own eyes.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53He terrifies the inhabitants of cities
0:12:53 > 0:12:56by throwing the severed heads of his victims over the walls.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58What kind of sick creature is this?
0:12:59 > 0:13:00A Crusader.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03That's what we do, boys. Now.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Grab a head and let's start throwing, hey, go!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Crusaders discovered some unusual stuff
0:13:12 > 0:13:14when they were out fighting in the Middle East.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Check out this crazy cure.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20If you want to give them a great way to start the day,
0:13:20 > 0:13:22give them something really different for breakfast.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Yes, we take the finest old Arabian men
0:13:26 > 0:13:28and feed them nothing but honey.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Then, when they die,
0:13:30 > 0:13:31we bury them in more honey.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Then, we wait a hundred years
0:13:34 > 0:13:36and dig them up again.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38And it's the delicious golden honey
0:13:38 > 0:13:39and hundred-year wait
0:13:39 > 0:13:41that make the great taste of Mellified Man.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44So give them the finest delicacy of Medieval Arabia,
0:13:44 > 0:13:48golden chunks of real 100-year-old honey soaked dead person.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51A mummy in honey, that's yummy.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Yeugh!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I am not eating that.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Yummy.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Y-U-C-K, yuck!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04And that's not a word I use often.
0:14:04 > 0:14:10People really thought that mellified man had healing powers, as if.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18The Georgian era saw lots of advancements,
0:14:18 > 0:14:20like the Agricultural Revolution,
0:14:20 > 0:14:23which all started with the humble turnip.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Good morning.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31ALL: Morning, Lord Sugar.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33This was a perfectly simple task.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I asked you, vegetables,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38to take these turnips and turn them into cash.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40You lot, who's your project manager?
0:14:40 > 0:14:41I was.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43And what did you bring to the table, Whiggy?
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I prefer the name the Second Viscount Townshend.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50No, I'm not impressed, Whiggy. I'm a Lord, answer the question.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Well, Lord Sugar, I'm a politician,
0:14:52 > 0:14:55I served for a decade as Secretary of State
0:14:55 > 0:14:58with responsibility for directing British foreign policy.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Was he a good project manager?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- I'd have been better but I. - Ha! I hardly think so.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05- Actually, I've been in charge of all sorts of things.- Such as?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Two pigs, a goat, goat died.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Boo hoo. Right that's enough of you, Whiggy.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11I'm sick of hearing from you.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14It's Team Whig, with a H, named after my political party.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Don't try and make me look stupid.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18You're the one that looks stupid.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23Right, you lot, I believe you've called yourself team Go Wurzel.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- Go Wurzel.- Go Wurzel.- Go Wurzel.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28What did you lot do with my turnips?
0:15:28 > 0:15:29We made soup.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30Turnip soup.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32What other kind of soup are you going to make with turnips, son?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Lobster bisque? Is there a market for turnip soup?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Team Go Wurzel never really found out.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40They ate all the soup themselves.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Can I get a rewind, you ate all of my soup?
0:15:42 > 0:15:43We are starving.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- Anyway he ate the most of it. - I never.- Well you did, look you.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- You're greedy!- Ah!- Oh! - No-one's having it.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Let's hope team Whig did better.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54We planted them.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Actually, Lord Sugar, I think it was Phil who planted them.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I'm a Georgian gent, I never get my hands dirty.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I'm more the ideas person.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Yeah, I'm the do the actual work person.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- Why did you plant them? - Well, I noticed that British farmers
0:16:07 > 0:16:10were using a three-year crop rotation cycle.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11Two years of crops
0:16:11 > 0:16:13with one year crop-free.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14As I understand it, Lord Sugar,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17it's to give the soil a chance to become fertile again.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21But planting turnips restores nitrogen to the soil,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23so you can make the soil fertile again
0:16:23 > 0:16:26AND grow a crop at the same time.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29I've implemented a new four-year crop rotation.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Oh, I now is it suddenly.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I think you'll find we implemented it, actually.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34I have implemented
0:16:34 > 0:16:36a four-year crop rotation cycle
0:16:36 > 0:16:39where the field is never empty.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Does it work?
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Well, it has vastly increased the productivity.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Farmers can now produce a lot more food per field.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48It's like a revolution in agriculture, Lord Sugar.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51If I wanted your opinion, sunbeam, I'd have asked for it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54You might say it's an Agricultural Revolution.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56That's very good that, Karen, I like that.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57So was this your idea, Whiggy?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Well, no. Dutch farmers have been doing it for a while.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01So you nicked it?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I prefer the term "borrowed".
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Industrial espionage, well done.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08So team Go Wurzel here took my turnips,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11made turnip soup out of them and then ate it,
0:17:11 > 0:17:15whereas team Whiggy here have taken my turnips
0:17:15 > 0:17:17and revolutionised the way farming is done in Britain.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Team Go Wurzel...
0:17:21 > 0:17:22You're fired.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- Oh!- OK, thank you.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Team Whiggy, I've got a treat for you,
0:17:26 > 0:17:28you're going away for a weekend in the country,
0:17:28 > 0:17:30where you will stay in a luxury mansion,
0:17:30 > 0:17:34go horse riding and sleep in a four poster bed.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36You, you're sending me home?
0:17:36 > 0:17:37But I, I thought we won.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43For his hugely important contribution to the Agricultural Revolution,
0:17:43 > 0:17:47the Second Viscount Townshend was given a new title.
0:17:47 > 0:17:52He was known ever more as Turnip Townshend. Ha-ha-ha!
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Unlucky turnip!
0:17:53 > 0:17:57And the Georgian Agricultural Revolution led in turn
0:17:57 > 0:18:02to an Industrial Revolution, which not everybody was happy about.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10# We were weavers highly skilled
0:18:10 > 0:18:13# Till things were mechanised
0:18:13 > 0:18:16# Craft and artisanship killed
0:18:16 > 0:18:19# A threat to all our lives
0:18:19 > 0:18:22# Machines meant the workforce shrunk
0:18:22 > 0:18:24# You think you'd see us settle?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27# When bosses said "Let's junk each punk
0:18:27 > 0:18:31# "And replace you with heavy metal!"
0:18:36 > 0:18:38# The workingman was sacrificed
0:18:38 > 0:18:41# Luddite! Luddite! Luddite! Luddite! Luddites!
0:18:41 > 0:18:46# Turned us into Anar-chistes!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52# Industrial Revolution
0:18:52 > 0:18:54# Our old life overthrown
0:18:54 > 0:18:58# So we came up with a solution
0:18:58 > 0:19:01# A revolution of our own
0:19:01 > 0:19:03# Met in the hills and planned to smash
0:19:03 > 0:19:06# Their weaving machines of gloom
0:19:06 > 0:19:09# Hear that sweet music as we bash
0:19:09 > 0:19:11# A wop bop a loom, ahh!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14# A wop bam boom!
0:19:17 > 0:19:20# Industrial weaving it's a stitch-up!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Luddite! Luddite! Luddite! Luddite! Luddites!
0:19:23 > 0:19:27# Break the device and smash my switch up!
0:19:28 > 0:19:31# We named our movement after Ned Ludd
0:19:31 > 0:19:34# A folk hero who myth proclaimed
0:19:34 > 0:19:37# Once reacted in a fit of rage
0:19:37 > 0:19:40# By smashing up some knitting frames
0:19:40 > 0:19:43# So we formed the new Luddite Army
0:19:43 > 0:19:44# Started to riot!
0:19:44 > 0:19:46# It all went barmy!
0:19:51 > 0:19:53# Laws were passed to shake our will
0:19:53 > 0:19:56# Sent soldiers armed with guns
0:19:56 > 0:19:59# And though we tried to break things still
0:19:59 > 0:20:01# We fought the law
0:20:01 > 0:20:02# But the law won
0:20:02 > 0:20:04# Trial and punishments were seen
0:20:04 > 0:20:07# It's clear we'd lost the fight
0:20:07 > 0:20:11# But thanks to us rage against the machine
0:20:11 > 0:20:16# Now carries the name Ludd-ite!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Luddite! Luddite! Luddite! Luddite! Luddites!
0:20:19 > 0:20:22# This band's struggle carries on
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Luddite! Luddite! Luddite! Luddite! Luddites!
0:20:24 > 0:20:28# Won't rest till machines are all gone! #
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Solo!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36On, on what exactly?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45We ancient Greeks believe that certain birds
0:20:45 > 0:20:47carried messages from the gods.
0:20:50 > 0:20:55Lysander, look yonder, a dove this way flies.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57A bird of such beauty.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Truly the radiant dove is a worthy messenger
0:20:59 > 0:21:01for the goddess of beauty herself.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Aphrodite.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05It takes her messages from heaven and brings them to us,
0:21:05 > 0:21:07mere mortals on Earth.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Behold, I think it's heading for this very tree.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Tell us Aphrodite's bidding, oh, white winged one.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16A blessing.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18It's easy for you to say, you haven't got poo on your shoulder.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20No, think, Lysander,
0:21:20 > 0:21:24the gods themselves have chosen you to receive this divine message.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26It's brown message. My toga's ruined.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Consider, Lysander, perhaps this bird
0:21:29 > 0:21:32brings tidings of great joy of a future love,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35perhaps you have been singled out for greatness.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Or perhaps the gods want us to stop standing under trees full of doves.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Yeah, it could be that.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Maybe the gods want us to stand over there.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Maybe they do, yeah.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51That's right, the ancient Greeks believed that different birds
0:21:51 > 0:21:53carried messages for different gods.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Aphrodite had doves and swans, Zeus had eagles,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00and Aries had owls and vultures.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02A chicken brought me a message once. It said, "Eat me."
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Must have been from the god of food. Ha-ha-ha!
0:22:05 > 0:22:09And humans had some unusual ways of transporting messages as well.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Hi! I'm a shouty man!
0:22:11 > 0:22:13And I'm here to tell you about...
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Do you have trouble keeping your secret messages secret?
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Shhh.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26Sorry, do you have trouble keeping your secret messages secret?
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Then you need...
0:22:29 > 0:22:31The perfect way to arrange a rebellion
0:22:31 > 0:22:33without alerting your enemies.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Simply shave the head of your most trusted slave
0:22:36 > 0:22:39and tattoo your secret message directly onto his skull.
0:22:39 > 0:22:46Please arrange a rebellion.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48- Ow.- Spelt rebellion wrong.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Cross it out.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Ow.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Then simply wait for the slave's hair to grow back
0:22:53 > 0:22:55and voila, bingo, bango,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57your message is completely hidden from prying eyes.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59And ancient Greek tattoo messenger
0:22:59 > 0:23:01comes with its own easy-to-hear instructions.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Pst, shave off my hair
0:23:03 > 0:23:06and you'll find a secret message tattooed on my head.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11I shall act on this secret message at once.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- Although he has spelt Persians incorrectly.- Ow!
0:23:15 > 0:23:18So try new ancient Greek tattoo messenger today,
0:23:18 > 0:23:20the ancient messaging system
0:23:20 > 0:23:22that's both hair today, but not gone tomorrow.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Or something, all right?
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Warning!
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Slaves with pre-existing baldness
0:23:26 > 0:23:28are not suitable.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Oh, thank you so much for seeing me, I've got really bad toothache
0:23:39 > 0:23:41and my normal dentist couldn't fit me in.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Oh, that's all right, we've always got plenty of appointments
0:23:44 > 0:23:46here at the historical dentist.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51Even if the patients do survive, they tend not to come back.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Historical dentist?
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Yes. Mr Tudor will be seeing you today. Arh.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Hello, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting,
0:23:57 > 0:23:59I've just been boiling a few frogs.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Don't need to tell you how important they are to modern Tudor dentistry.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Actually, I think you do.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Tell me, how do you clean your teeth?
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Well, I use an electric toothbrush.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Ridiculous, no wonder you've got problems with your teeth.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13You need to be using a Tudor toothbrush.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15It's a twig with a rag on the end,
0:24:15 > 0:24:17you rub it on your teeth with a paste
0:24:17 > 0:24:19made from rose water, lavender and cuttlefish.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Still, it's too late for you,
0:24:21 > 0:24:22the pain has already started.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Erm, Mandy do we have any poo?
0:24:24 > 0:24:25Freshly made this morning.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Wonderful. Where did it come from?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I'd rather not say.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Oh, right. Yes, of course, sorry.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33We'll mix that with some honey,
0:24:33 > 0:24:35and we'll see if that does any good.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37You're not going to put that poo in my mouth?
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Don't be ridiculous,
0:24:38 > 0:24:42in order for it to be effective it must be your own poo.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- I don't suppose you want... - No chance, mate.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Right, OK. Well, frogs it is.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Good job I mixed this up earlier, isn't it?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50So let's take a dollop of this,
0:24:50 > 0:24:52I'll apply it to the affected tooth
0:24:52 > 0:24:54and it should drop straight out. Open up.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Erm, I'm not putting that in my mouth either.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58This is cutting-edge Tudor dentistry.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Of course, if I get any on the good teeth they could fall out also,
0:25:01 > 0:25:04but, huh, you can't have anything, er, I mean everything.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Can't you just do a filling or something?
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Look, I understand your nervousness,
0:25:08 > 0:25:09why don't I remove
0:25:09 > 0:25:12one of Mandy's teeth first just to prove that it's not going to hurt?
0:25:12 > 0:25:13That's fine by me.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15This is crazy.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19No. No, this is what the Bishop of London did for Queen Elizabeth.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23She was worried that having a tooth out would hurt,
0:25:23 > 0:25:27so the Bishop had a healthy one of his own removed to show it wouldn't.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Come on, Mr Tudor, whip it out.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33I'm sorry, I'll live with the pain, you people are nuts.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Oh!
0:25:35 > 0:25:39While I'm in the chair, I do have some pain in one of my teeth.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Well, luckily,
0:25:41 > 0:25:43we've got just the thing.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I know!
0:25:46 > 0:25:51And being a dentist wasn't even the most unusual job in Tudor times.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Hello and welcome once again to Behind the Throne,
0:25:57 > 0:26:00where this week we've been granted unprecedented access
0:26:00 > 0:26:04to the most important aid in King Henry's entire household.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Sir Thomas Heneage, the so called groom of the stool.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11- Hello, Sir Thomas. - Hello, Jilly.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14And of course a, er, a very special hello to you, your majesty.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Looking lovely as ever, Jilly.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18So, tell me, Sir Thomas,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21what does being groom of the stool actually entail?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Well, basically, Jilly, it just means I'm his personal assistant.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28I help to dress him, er... All done, sire.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29Excellent, now if you'll excuse me,
0:26:29 > 0:26:33I've got to go to the little boy's room and powder my nose.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Very good, your majesty.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Yes, so basically, I look after his clothes,
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- like this beautiful jacket here, oh. - Oh, yes, that's beautiful.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- Yes, it's lovely, there we go. - What on earth are you doing?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46It's been worn three times, Jilly, it must be destroyed by fire.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48- Right.- Then there's accompanying him
0:26:48 > 0:26:50on his travels and wiping his bottom.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Well, that'll... Sorry, what?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Ready when you are, Tommy.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Coming, your majesty.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Sorry, when you say wiping his bottom,
0:26:59 > 0:27:01you don't actually mean that you... Oh!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03There you are, your majesty, all polished.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Arh, splendid.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10And then afterwards, Jilly, I like to analyse it.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15So you, er, you wipe his bottom
0:27:15 > 0:27:17and then you look at his poo?
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Oh, it's a very important job, Jilly,
0:27:18 > 0:27:20just to check that he's in a good state of health.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Let's have a look, mm, good size, good consistency.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Sorry, Tommy, I've got another one brewing, I think.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28And then just to double check he's in good health...
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Um hm.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34I like to inhale the exhalation of the royal posterior.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35So the exhalation...
0:27:35 > 0:27:37PRRRT!
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Oh!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Anything bad in that one?
0:27:40 > 0:27:42The breath of an angel.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45- What do you think, Jilly, are you getting this?- Arh.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Arh. Oh, what does she know, she's not a professional.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49Wiping time again, Tommy.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Of course, your majesty.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts. #
0:27:54 > 0:27:56If you enjoyed that,
0:27:56 > 0:27:57why not come and play.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Go to the CBBC Website
0:27:59 > 0:28:01and click on Horrible Histories.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03See you there!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05# The past is no longer a mystery
0:28:05 > 0:28:07# Hope you enjoyed
0:28:07 > 0:28:11# Horrible Histories. #