0:00:01 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:16# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:22# Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat
0:00:22 > 0:00:27# The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to...
0:00:37 > 0:00:41There were a lot of nasty diseases around in Stuart Britain,
0:00:41 > 0:00:44and some pretty crazy ideas on how they could be cured.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I've come back to Stuart times to look into the disastrous state
0:00:50 > 0:00:52of their healthcare system.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55These poor people are all sick with scrofula.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- Excuse me?- Get away from me.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01A disease that causes fever and swelling of the neck.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Are you deaf? I told you to get from me.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Oh, I thought you were trying to jump the queue.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Do I look sick?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10You do look a bit swollen.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Some people have waited up to a year for treatment.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18How long have you been waiting, sir?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh, not long. Two days.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Two days? Can we get someone who's waited a year, please?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25How long have you been waiting here, Tim?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26I've been waiting for about a year.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28That's excellent.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30I mean, that's dreadful, it's terrible.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Oh, dear, someone's died!
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Have you got this? Good.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36That's dreadful. Did she die from the disease?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Oh, no, scrofula isn't fatal.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40No, she died of her injuries, waiting in the crush to be seen.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Someone's going to have to answer to this.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I demand to see the man in charge. Who is he?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Well, it's him. Charles II.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51You're cured.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53You're cured.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55You're cured.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56No, I'm not sick.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Are you sure? You look a bit swollen.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Is this a joke? Is it a joke?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I've been blessed with the royal touch, you know.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04I have only to touch you with my hand
0:02:04 > 0:02:06and your scrofula will be cured.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08That's why they call it the King's Evil.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10But you're not even touching them with your hand.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13No, because they're sick, and some of them are really rather smelly.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15So I just touch a gold coin
0:02:15 > 0:02:16and give that to them.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18And all of a sudden they're magically cured?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Yes.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21You're cured.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Are you actually cured?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Er, no.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25But do you feel any better?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Yeah, I've got a gold coin.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30And what do you do? No, don't tell me, I don't want to know.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Can I just ask, why have some of these people
0:02:32 > 0:02:35waited up to a year to be seen for treatment?
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Well, there's only one of me, and I only do this once a year.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I mean, a man's got parties to go to!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Now are you sure you don't want that scrofula cured?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46For the last time, I do not have scrofula.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47But I am getting a headache.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51I've got just the thing. Powdered mummy.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54I use it to keep myself wise and strong.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58No need to thank me.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01This is Dom Duckworth in Stuart England,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04covered in the remains of an ancient Egyptian mummy.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07A sentence I never thought I'd hear myself say.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08It's in my eyes.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Can we get a nurse? Dead man in my eye.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20During World War II, the Germans recruited some very unusual spies.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21At ease!
0:03:23 > 0:03:27I think you will be very happy with the new recruits.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I believe they will turn out to be
0:03:29 > 0:03:32some of the finest spies in the German army.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Very good work, Frau Schmitt.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36May I present Private Curvenon.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39DOG BARKS
0:03:39 > 0:03:40He says hello.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Hello, sir. He's very formal.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46You're sure he isn't just...
0:03:46 > 0:03:47..Barking?
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Nein. His speech is based on barking,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53but I have learnt to recognise
0:03:53 > 0:03:56the different words and am able to translate.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Now, Frau Schmitt, are you just making this up?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Well, General, as you know, Adolf Hitler himself
0:04:02 > 0:04:06has authorised the setting up of the animal talking school.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Are you suggesting that his idea
0:04:08 > 0:04:10is not entirely a good one?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13In no way, Frau Schmitt.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Perhaps you'll be more easily impressed by Private Rolf.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20He taps his paw in a different way for each letter.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Now that is more like it.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Do you have anything you wish to say
0:04:23 > 0:04:25to the General, Rolf?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30W, O, O, F.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Woof.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Do not bark at the General! Bad soldier!
0:04:35 > 0:04:38We are also carrying out experiments to see
0:04:38 > 0:04:41if dogs can communicate telepathically with humans.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Oh, what's that Rolf? You want a bone?
0:04:49 > 0:04:52You don't have to be a mind-reader to know that. He's a dog!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Perhaps you'll be more impressed by Private Axel.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57And how does he communicate?
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Well, ask him a question.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Any question?
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Ja, any question. So long as it is "who is Adolf Hitler?"
0:05:06 > 0:05:10Erm, who is Adolf Hitler?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12DOG: Mein Fuhrer!
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Now that is good.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Our research is coming on leaps und bounds.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Sitz und play deadz.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Soon we will have a spy network of dogs.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Well, the Allied forces certainly won't be expecting that.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28There is just one small problem with our new recruits.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29What's that?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33There are some hygiene issues.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Ja.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36DOG BARKS
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Oh! Rolf says sorry.
0:05:38 > 0:05:39I bet he does.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Bizarrely, Hitler was an animal lover,
0:05:44 > 0:05:48and was convinced by scientists that animals might make good spies.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51So he approved the animal talking school.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Animals talking? As if that's possible!
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Yes, many animals were put to work during World War II.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05We need more ammo! Corporal Wojciech!
0:06:05 > 0:06:08You can't ask someone with a senior rank to fetch your ammo.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11You can ask this Corporal.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Aaaah! A bear! There's a bear, there's a bear!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Yes, that's Corporal Wojciech.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Er, it's a bear.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Of course, but according to his paperwork, he's a Polish Corporal.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25My unit adopted him as bear cub, but when we moved,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28the only way he was allowed on the ship was if he was enlisted.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31So now he's Corporal Wojciech.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32But he's sTill a bear.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36Don't worry, Wojciech's harmless, he just carries ammunition around.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39He won't hurt you, unless he drops a shell, obviously.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Oh! Oh, you had me then!
0:06:49 > 0:06:52We Vikings lived in some pretty remote places,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55and food could be scarce, so we ate all sorts of unusual stuff.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Tuck's up, boys.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Hey, I thought we'd run out of butter?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04We did. This is seal blubber.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Oh, it tastes like fish.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Isn't it great? Guess what we've called it.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I can't believe you got me eating seal blubber.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10That's right!
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Oh, hang on. This bacon tastes funny.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17That's because it's been fried in...
0:07:17 > 0:07:19I can't believe you fried my food in seal blubber!
0:07:19 > 0:07:20That's right!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Right, that's it, I'm skipping lunch, going back to work,
0:07:25 > 0:07:29covering the bottom of the boats to prevent woodworm. Come on, Bob.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30You know what you're going to need?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Not, "I can't believe I'm covering the bottom of my longship
0:07:33 > 0:07:35"in seal blubber to prevent woodworm!"?
0:07:35 > 0:07:36That's right!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Vikings ate seal blubber in settlements
0:07:51 > 0:07:53like their one in Iceland.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56So named because it was, well, icy.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59When Eric the Red was exiled and wanted to start his own settlement
0:07:59 > 0:08:04somewhere even icier, he had to fool other Vikings into joining him.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Hi, I'm Eric the Red.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15Then why not move to the sundrenched paradise that's so green and fertile
0:08:15 > 0:08:17we've called it Greenland.
0:08:17 > 0:08:22We only moved here because you were exiled from Iceland
0:08:22 > 0:08:24and wanted to be chieftain of somewhere else.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Mum!
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Well, what's the point of being chieftain of Greenland
0:08:29 > 0:08:32unless you find some people to rule?
0:08:32 > 0:08:37Don't listen to her. Magnus just moved here and he loves it.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38I love it.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39We're looking for young Vikings to come
0:08:39 > 0:08:43and join the p-p-p-party here in Greenland.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Pour me a drink, Magnus.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47I can't, the beer is frozen.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51And look, the jug is frozen to my hand. I've got a jug hand!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Don't believe what you've heard,
0:08:53 > 0:08:57the weather here is great and the land is so fertile.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Why else would we call it Greenland?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03To encourage people to move here
0:09:03 > 0:09:05even though it's freezing and there's no food.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Mum!
0:09:08 > 0:09:09I've lost a thumb!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13It must have got so hot it went to find some shade.
0:09:13 > 0:09:19We are so lucky to live here. That's why mum's gone to Greenland!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Oh, you stupid boy.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Now get me my furs. I'm freezing here!
0:09:25 > 0:09:28It's true. Eric the Red was banished from Iceland
0:09:28 > 0:09:31and founded a colony on Greenland instead.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34He called it that to fool people into living there,
0:09:34 > 0:09:37even though the winters were actually very, very cold.
0:09:37 > 0:09:43Making Eric the Red more Eric the B-b-b-b-b-blue.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52'It's the, "Thou hast been framed!" Roman special, yeah.'
0:09:52 > 0:09:53'Welcome to the Battle of Zama,
0:09:53 > 0:09:56'Hannibal of Carthage versus Scipio of Rome.'
0:09:56 > 0:09:58'Here's Hannibal getting ready to rumble.'
0:09:58 > 0:10:01I'm sending my elephants to attack the Romans.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Charge!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06TRUMPETS PLAY AND ELEPHANTS TRUMPET
0:10:06 > 0:10:08'But the Romans have scared the elephants with trumpets!'
0:10:08 > 0:10:10'They're coming back.'
0:10:10 > 0:10:11Let's get out of here!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Who'd have thought I'd get chased by my own elephants?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16'That's what I call Carthage carnage.'
0:10:16 > 0:10:17'Or Catharnage.'
0:10:17 > 0:10:20'Or Carnathage. Oh, you get the point.'
0:10:20 > 0:10:21'A solemn moment,
0:10:21 > 0:10:25'Caesar Augustus himself visiting the tomb of Alexander the Great.'
0:10:25 > 0:10:28'Two of the greatest men in history under one roof, a day to remember.'
0:10:28 > 0:10:33Alexander of Macedon, I honour your memory.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35SNAP!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38'What have you done?'
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I pulled his nose off by accident.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42'Caesar Augustus there,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44'winning the most famous general in a room,
0:10:44 > 0:10:46'by a nose.'
0:10:46 > 0:10:47'Oh, dear, I don't like the look of this.'
0:10:47 > 0:10:49'What's that crazy Emperor Nero doing?'
0:10:49 > 0:10:51'Some kind of torture, no doubt.'
0:10:51 > 0:10:53'Setting fire to someone? Cutting them in half?'
0:10:53 > 0:10:56'Setting wolves on them? Naughty boy.'
0:10:56 > 0:10:57I wrote this one myself.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00It's called "By the bonny, bonny banks of the Tiber".
0:11:00 > 0:11:02'Just when you thought he couldn't get any crueller,
0:11:02 > 0:11:05'you find out he plays the bagpipes. Mercy!'
0:11:05 > 0:11:08'After the break, the Roman General Pompey
0:11:08 > 0:11:11'leads his parade into Rome and gets his elephant trapped
0:11:11 > 0:11:12'in a triumphal arch. Oh!'
0:11:14 > 0:11:18In 60 BC, before Rome was ruled by Emperors, it was run by an alliance
0:11:18 > 0:11:23of the three most powerful Romans - General Pompey, Julius Caesar,
0:11:23 > 0:11:27and the richest Roman of all time, Marcus Licinius Crassus.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29He was a rascal.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:11:36 > 0:11:38# I'm Marcus Licinius Crassus
0:11:38 > 0:11:40# No rich man could ever surpass us
0:11:40 > 0:11:42# Wanted people to say I was brave
0:11:42 > 0:11:44# But lost my first fight And hid in a cave
0:11:44 > 0:11:46# Living there could be A pauper's nightmare
0:11:46 > 0:11:48# But if you're rich like me Then you don't care.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49# I called my slave to the cave To ask it
0:11:49 > 0:11:52# To cook a feast and lower in a basket
0:11:52 > 0:11:54# There's Romans think they're minted
0:11:54 > 0:11:56# But they ain't rich like me
0:11:56 > 0:11:57# You can't call yourself loaded
0:11:57 > 0:12:00# Till you can buy an army
0:12:00 > 0:12:02# Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar
0:12:02 > 0:12:03# They're more famous than me
0:12:03 > 0:12:05# But I'm the world's richest geezer
0:12:05 > 0:12:07# There's no-one richer than me
0:12:10 > 0:12:11# I'm minted!
0:12:11 > 0:12:12# I back General Sulla
0:12:12 > 0:12:14# Every day my wallet got fuller
0:12:14 > 0:12:16# Took the land off our enemies To flog it
0:12:16 > 0:12:18# Used the cash to fill my pocket
0:12:18 > 0:12:20# If I heard of a house on fire
0:12:20 > 0:12:22# I'd rush over, Be a quick cash buyer
0:12:22 > 0:12:24# My firemen would then Douse the flames, boom!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26# Another big house to my name
0:12:26 > 0:12:28# There's Romans think they're minted
0:12:28 > 0:12:30# But they ain't rich like me
0:12:30 > 0:12:32# You can't call yourself loaded
0:12:32 > 0:12:34# Till you can buy an army
0:12:34 > 0:12:35# Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar
0:12:35 > 0:12:38# They're more famous than me
0:12:38 > 0:12:39# But I'm the world's richest geezer
0:12:39 > 0:12:41# There's no-one richer than me
0:12:44 > 0:12:45# I'm minted!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47# I bought an army for fighting Spartacus
0:12:47 > 0:12:49# At the start my men lost heart-acus
0:12:49 > 0:12:50# I killed one in ten In a killing spree
0:12:50 > 0:12:53# So they were more scared of me Than the enemy
0:12:53 > 0:12:55# Smashed the slaves, It got real gory
0:12:55 > 0:12:56# But then Pompey stole my glory
0:12:56 > 0:12:58# To show it was me That crushed the horde.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00# Nailed up the slaves like on a billboard.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04# They're splinted!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06# Not enough to be a big politician
0:13:06 > 0:13:08# Wanted triumph, took my army On a mission
0:13:08 > 0:13:10# Got owned by the Parthian Persians
0:13:10 > 0:13:12# They killed me, but you'll hear two versions
0:13:12 > 0:13:13# The famous one's quite hard To follow
0:13:13 > 0:13:15# They gave me boiling gold To swallow
0:13:15 > 0:13:17# But the true way they made me pay?
0:13:17 > 0:13:19# They used my head as a prop In a play
0:13:22 > 0:13:24# Embarrassing.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25# There's Romans think they're minted
0:13:25 > 0:13:27# But they ain't rich like me
0:13:27 > 0:13:29# You can't call yourself loaded
0:13:29 > 0:13:31# Till you can buy an army
0:13:31 > 0:13:33# Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar
0:13:33 > 0:13:35# They're more famous than me
0:13:35 > 0:13:37# But I'm the world's richest Geezer
0:13:37 > 0:13:38# There's no-one richer than me. #
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Ha, ha, love it, tell me you don't love it. Ha, ha.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51One of our finest Georgian philosophers
0:13:51 > 0:13:52was called Jeremy Bentham.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55He was quite brilliant, but somewhat,
0:13:55 > 0:13:57well, how shall I put this? Unusual.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Good afternoon, sir.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Ah, Jennings.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I've just finished my new design for a panopticon prison,
0:14:06 > 0:14:10in which one guard can watch all inmates without their being able
0:14:10 > 0:14:12to tell whether or not they're being watched.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Brilliant as ever, sir.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Now, I trust you haven't forgotten
0:14:15 > 0:14:17you invited your new neighbour over for tea.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20You won't do anything to embarrass him now, will you, sir?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23No, Jennings, of course I won't.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Sir, what on earth are you wearing?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Well, I'm just trying out my new invention, they're called underpants.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30What do you think?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I think they should be under something, sir.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Yes, you're quite right.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35KNOCK AT DOOR
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Ah, Mr... Good gracious!
0:14:39 > 0:14:41They're underpants, sir.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42I see.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Would you care for some tea? I believe the Reverend
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Sir John Lambourne will be joining us shortly.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50If a Reverend is joining us, should you not be wearing breeches, sir?
0:14:50 > 0:14:51He won't mind.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Oh, here he is now.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54CAT MEOWS
0:14:54 > 0:14:55The Reverend is a cat?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Yes, of course. Come on, Reverend.
0:14:58 > 0:14:59There we are.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Tell me, sir, do all your pets have such unusual names?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Of course not, my other pet's called Dickie.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05A pet dog?
0:15:05 > 0:15:06A pet teapot!
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Who's a good teapot? Who's a good teapot?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Yes, you are!
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Mr Bentham, I'm a very busy man, you are a very busy man, clearly.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15So I shall not beat about the bush.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I intend to have a summer house built in my garden,
0:15:18 > 0:15:20and I was hoping you would be agreeable to this.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Of course. An Englishman should be able to do
0:15:22 > 0:15:25whatever he likes in his own garden.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28I intend to decorate mine with varnished corpses.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30I beg your pardon?
0:15:30 > 0:15:32We must demystify death, sir.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Surround ourselves with it,
0:15:33 > 0:15:35and we will lose our fear of mortality.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37But you can't keep corpses in a garden!
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Yes, maybe you're right. The weather would rot them.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Yes, maybe I'll just exhibit some preserved heads
0:15:42 > 0:15:44in a specially-modified cabinet.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48You, sir, are a very unusual man.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Oh.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Right, I'm off to walk Dapple and Dobbin.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Here they are, sir.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Thank you, Jennings. Come on, boys!
0:15:56 > 0:15:57MIMES HORSE
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Ride like the wind! Oh, Dapple!
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Here's another colourful Georgian character.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true
0:17:02 > 0:17:07# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. #
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Happy birthday! Well, come on, then, blow the candle out.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Oh! We'll be here all day.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Next!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Bonjour. Je m'appelle Madame Blanchard.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Oh! A French lady. I'll take this.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Comment vous appellez-vous?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Je m'appelle Madame Blanchard. I just told you.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31All right, it's just the only French I know.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34And what brings you here, Madame Blanchard?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Well, you may have heard of my husband, Jean-Pierre Blanchard?
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Non?
0:17:40 > 0:17:41The famous balloonist?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Oh, right. Well, you should feel right at home here.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Well, in 1785, my husband became the first man to ever cross the Channel
0:17:48 > 0:17:52in a balloon, and I am something of a pioneer of aeronautics myself
0:17:52 > 0:17:57being the first woman to ever work as a professional balloonist.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Oh, well, that's amazing, well done you, Madame Blanchard.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05But too much helium can be bad for you. I'm already dead, keep up.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Sorry, do continue.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09BALLOON DEFLATES
0:18:09 > 0:18:10It was the balloon.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Well, after the death of my dear, beloved husband,
0:18:13 > 0:18:18I continued ballooning, and in 1819, I did an ascent over Paris.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21I wanted it to be a sight that no one would ever forget.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24So I set off some fireworks at a great height.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28Oh! Rewind. You let off some fireworks in a balloon?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Probably not my best idea.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33One of the fireworks ignited the balloon gas and...
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Ha-ha-ha! When a firework display ends,
0:18:39 > 0:18:41it can leave you feeling a little flat.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Huh, do you get it? Splat, flat, you!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Ha-ha-ha! You're through to the afterlife.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48Merci.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Oh, mind the step, there's a bit of a drop,
0:18:51 > 0:18:52but I suppose you're used to that.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Ha-ha-ha!
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Sometimes I love this job. I do, though, I do.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
0:19:01 > 0:19:03# Hope next time it's not you. #
0:19:08 > 0:19:12Much of what we know about the early Middle Ages is thanks to monks
0:19:12 > 0:19:15who wrote a chronicle of all the important events of each year.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19There's a lot going on in the Saxon world.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22And for years it's been almost impossible to keep up.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23We've got invasions.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Civil War.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25Saxons.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27- Angles.- Jutes.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28- Danes.- Vikings.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29Normans.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31And goodness knows what else.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35And now you won't have to miss a thing, thanks to...
0:19:35 > 0:19:37ALL: Anglo Saxon Chronicle Magazine,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39from Worcester, Abingdon, Peterborough.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Yes, you can read the Anglo Saxon Chronicle
0:19:42 > 0:19:46in any of these five locations in Middle Ages England.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Read how Earl Aelfgar was outlawed for admitting being a traitor.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Well, hang on. According to my Worcester version,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55he was outlawed despite having done very little wrong.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Yeah, in our Abingdon issue
0:19:56 > 0:19:58it says that he didn't do anything wrong.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Is someone checking we're all telling the same story?
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- I'm not. we've just been writing whatever we want.- Us too.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04What happens when everyone finds out
0:20:04 > 0:20:06we're telling different versions of history?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Not much. They're not allowed to read it anyway.- It's for monks only.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Cool, cool. Well, I won't tell anyone if you won't.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15I definitely won't, I'm taking a vow of silence.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16There goes the key.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23BOTH: The magazine everyone in Saxon England should read.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Well, as long as they're Monks.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28- What happened to the vow of silence? - Starting now.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Those Monks were the copying machines of their day,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32until the invention of the printing press.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Good morning.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Good morning, Lord Sugar.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Now, which one of you is Team Monk?
0:20:42 > 0:20:45That was a joke, I'm joking, it's a tough crowd.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47This week's task was perfectly simple.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51All I asked you lot to do was to make as many copies as possible
0:20:51 > 0:20:53of this bestseller, the Bible.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56So, Team Monk, who was your project manager?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Look, I know this boardroom's intimidating, but I won't bite.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Although I might bite if one of you doesn't start talking.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06They've all taken a vow of silence, Lord Sugar.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Of course they have, sorry, Karren. So how did Team Baldy get on, then?
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Well, they copied the Bible, by hand, using quill pens.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Sounds a bit route one to me, Karren.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19How about Team Gutenberg here, who was your project manager?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21I was, I'm Johannes Gutenberg.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25Yeah, I know, I was joking again. How did you approach the challenge?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Well, Lord Sugar, I created a whole new printing process.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32The old process involves carving out whole pages
0:21:32 > 0:21:34onto these blocks of wood,
0:21:34 > 0:21:36which are just thrown away when the book's printed.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39CRASH
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Sorry.
0:21:40 > 0:21:45So I created a whole new movable typeface using these individual
0:21:45 > 0:21:48metal letters, which can be arranged to spell anything you like,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51and reused again and again and again
0:21:51 > 0:21:53to create any number of different books.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Or a bill for a broken window?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Quite so. I needed a printing press
0:21:57 > 0:22:00so that I didn't have to do anything by hand anymore.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Well, what idiot would do it all by hand?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Oh, you make the joke? That's very funny.
0:22:05 > 0:22:10The printing press is based on the screw press as used in wine making.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Ingenious. How did the other team get on?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Well, in one day, Team Monk, between them,
0:22:15 > 0:22:19managed to reproduce just 25 pages of the Bible.
0:22:19 > 0:22:2025 pages?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Well, they do spend an awful lot of time
0:22:22 > 0:22:23on their opening letters.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Yeah, but 25 pages is a disgrace.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28It's going to take you months to make a copy of the Bible, isn't it?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30How did Team Gutenberg get on?
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Well, the Gutenberg press
0:22:31 > 0:22:33printed 3,500 pages in a single day.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Well that's more like it, highly efficient.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37So, just to recap,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Team Gutenberg single-handedly started a revolution
0:22:40 > 0:22:45in communication, enabling knowledge to spread throughout the masses,
0:22:45 > 0:22:48and Team Monk here gave us a few pretty letters.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Team Monk, what have you got to say for yourselves?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53They've taken a vow of silence.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57- I know, Karren, it was another joke. Not you and all?- Sorry.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Team Monk, I've only got one thing to say to you.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Well, actually, two things.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02You're fired.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Team Gutenberg, congratulations.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08You've won yourself a five-star Cordon Bleu dinner of a lifetime.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Team Monk, you're getting bread and water.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Without the bread and water.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16That should shut them up, Nick.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Gutenberg changed the world with his printing press.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22It meant ordinary people had access to books,
0:23:22 > 0:23:25and knowledge was spread around.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29It's one of the most important inventions of all time.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Right up there with the Whoopie Cushion.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32FARTS
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Grace Darling, darling, you've got a fan letter.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46A fan letter for me, father? Oh, it hardly seems possible.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51Nonsense. Everybody's talking about how you rowed that little boat
0:23:51 > 0:23:53out to the wrecked ship off the Farne Islands
0:23:53 > 0:23:55to rescue those people.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Darling, you're the darling, Darling of the newspapers.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Of course, it was actually me who rowed the boat
0:24:01 > 0:24:03out to the wrecked ship, all you did was keep it steady
0:24:03 > 0:24:05while I carried the injured people aboard,
0:24:05 > 0:24:07but nobody seemed very interested in me.
0:24:07 > 0:24:12"Dear Grace, I was so inspired by your strength and bravery,
0:24:12 > 0:24:14"that I've painted a picture of you and put it on my wall."
0:24:14 > 0:24:16"Do you think I might have a lock of your hair?"
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Oh, what a charming letter, of course you may.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21KNOCK AT DOOR
0:24:23 > 0:24:24You've a couple more fan letters.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Really, people are so kind.
0:24:27 > 0:24:32"Dear Grace, you are my heroine, you're so brave and fearless."
0:24:32 > 0:24:35"I'd have been too scared to go out all on me own like that."
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Of course, you weren't on your own, I was there,
0:24:37 > 0:24:40but nobody cares about that, cos I'm a big bloke with a lighthouse
0:24:40 > 0:24:41and you're a heroic little girl.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Though you were actually nearly 23 when we rescued those people,
0:24:44 > 0:24:45but who's counting?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Luckily, I'm not bitter.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49She wants a lock of your hair.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51This one wants a lock of me hair as well.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Well, you cannae give them all hair.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Oh, it's just three letters.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56KNOCK AT DOOR
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Postman.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04"Thank you so much for your letter and request for a lock of my hair."
0:25:05 > 0:25:08"Sadly, it is the 2,000th such request
0:25:08 > 0:25:11"and I am no longer able to honour it."
0:25:11 > 0:25:14"Do you think you could write again in a couple of months
0:25:14 > 0:25:15"when it's grown back?"
0:25:15 > 0:25:19"And in the meantime, here's a toenail clipping."
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Oh, she'll be delighted with that, it's a beauty.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Grace Darling was so famous,
0:25:24 > 0:25:28people kept asking for locks of her hair, and she nearly went bald.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32People never ask me for locks of my hair.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35What's that? Probably cos it's covered in poo?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37The problem being..?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Time now to meet another famous Victorian woman.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Welcome to HH TV Sport, and I'm just hearing that Emma Sharp,
0:25:48 > 0:25:51an ordinary woman from Bradford,
0:25:51 > 0:25:53is about to complete an extraordinary challenge.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56If you think the marathon looked like hard work,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59imagine having to do 38 of them, back to back.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Let's go live to 1864. Gary.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06Yes, great excitement here at the Quarry Gap Hotel Sports Ground
0:26:06 > 0:26:10in Bradford, where a crowd of 25,000 people have come to watch
0:26:10 > 0:26:14this humble housewife as she nears the end of her incredible attempt
0:26:14 > 0:26:16to walk 1,000 miles in 1,000 hours.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18In fact, the event's generated so much interest,
0:26:18 > 0:26:20they've been selling tickets.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22She's been walking up and down this racetrack
0:26:22 > 0:26:25for the last 42 days and nights,
0:26:25 > 0:26:27and now there's just a few hundred yards to go
0:26:27 > 0:26:28and here she comes now.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30And just listen to that crowd.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32CROWD BOOS
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Actually, let's listen to that crowd.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37What is she doing? Boo, somebody stop her!
0:26:37 > 0:26:38What do you mean, somebody stop her?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40She's about to do something extraordinary.
0:26:40 > 0:26:41I've heard of men doing it,
0:26:41 > 0:26:44whoever heard of a woman doing something so physically demanding?
0:26:44 > 0:26:45It shouldn't be possible.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Also I bet ten quid that she couldn't.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Yeah, she's costing us a fortune, that woman. Get her off!
0:26:51 > 0:26:55Right, well, it seems that many people in this largely male crowd
0:26:55 > 0:26:58have actually been betting that she's not going to make it.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00CHEERING
0:27:00 > 0:27:03I don't believe it! He just tripped her up!
0:27:03 > 0:27:04She's back on her feet.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Oh, she's amazing. Let's see if we can grab a quick word with her.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11Er, Mrs Sharp, you're nearly there, how do you feel?
0:27:11 > 0:27:12I'd just like to thank me husband
0:27:12 > 0:27:15for inspiring me every step of the way.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17So he's believed in you from the start?
0:27:17 > 0:27:21No, no. He said no woman was capable of such a thing.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24So I'm doing it to prove the smug idiot wrong.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Right, well, I think that's...
0:27:26 > 0:27:28And there are sTill people trying to stop her.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29She's pulled a gun.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Breaking news here, Emma Sharp's just pulled a gun.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36There she goes, towards the finishing line, armed with a pistol
0:27:36 > 0:27:40and accompanied by 18 policemen and a man with a loaded musket.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Oh, she's done it! Yes, 1,000 miles in 1,000 hours,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45and that is one in the eye to all those chauvinist pigs
0:27:45 > 0:27:48who said she'd never make it. Back to the studio.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49I mean, she must have cheated.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51There's no way that a woman could...
0:27:51 > 0:27:53We're not sTill on air, are we, Pete?
0:27:53 > 0:27:56# Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# The ugly truth, no glam or glitz...
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Can't get enough of Horrible Histories?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Then go to the CBBC Website and click on the link.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05See you there.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07# ..the past is no longer a mystery
0:28:07 > 0:28:11# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #