0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians, Slimy Stuarts
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# Vile Victorians, Woeful Wars Ferocious Fights, Dingy Castles
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Daring Knights, Horrors that defy description, Cut-throat Celts
0:00:09 > 0:00:11# Awful Egyptians Vicious Vikings, Cruel Crimes
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Punishment from ancient times Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless
0:00:14 > 0:00:15# Cavemen Savage, fierce and toothless, Groovy Greeks
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory Stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host's a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Queen Victoria's Coronation was a truly grand occasion,
0:00:39 > 0:00:40as you'd expect,
0:00:40 > 0:00:44but there were a few hiccups. Good day.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46You join us on the splendid summer's
0:00:46 > 0:00:49day in 1838 in London's Westminster Abbey, to celebrate
0:00:49 > 0:00:54the Coronation of our new Queen Victoria, at the tender age of 18.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Now, the ring.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58The Archbishop now moves to place the Coronation ring
0:00:58 > 0:01:00on Victoria's finger.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Ow! That's the wrong finger.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Sorry.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Oh dear! The ring would seem to be well and truly stuck.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10Ow! Archbishop, you're hurting me. Ow!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Terribly sorry.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14And now, with the ring on the right finger,
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Victoria receives the Royal Crown.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21I now pronounce you Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain
0:01:21 > 0:01:23and Ireland,
0:01:23 > 0:01:28the Duke of Lancaster and the Duke of Cornwall.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29- Really?- That's what it says here.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32And next, in accordance with the great traditions of the land,
0:01:32 > 0:01:36it's time for the British lords to touch the new Queen's crown.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Congratulations, Ma'am.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Thank you. Now, get lost.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43And coming up the stairs, it's 82-year-old Lord Rolle.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Congratulations, Ma'am. Ooh!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49And there goes Lord Rolle, rolling down the stairs.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53And now, as is customary, the Queen's Treasurer scatters gold
0:01:53 > 0:01:56and silver medals amongst the lordly congregation.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Ow!
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Touching scenes, indeed.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01One is most terribly amused.
0:02:01 > 0:02:07As a child, Victoria suffered from episcophobia, a fear of bishops.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Just as well she got over it before she was crowned
0:02:09 > 0:02:12or her coronation would have been even sillier.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16"Oh, help, it's a bishop! Oh, help, it's a bishop! Ooooh!"
0:02:16 > 0:02:19"Calm, calm, calm, dear!"
0:02:19 > 0:02:22In 1840, Victoria married Prince Albert,
0:02:22 > 0:02:25and he wasn't a very popular choice. Oh no.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28HE SMIRKS
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Cedric, look. Have you ever seen anything
0:02:30 > 0:02:32so ridiculous in your entire life?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Oh my giddy aunt! Don't these people have mirrors?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37And he's married to the Queen!
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Maybe moustaches are big in Germany.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Well, they're certainly not over here.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43And he wonders why he's so unpopular with the British public,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45wandering around with that ludicrous bogey buffer
0:02:45 > 0:02:47stretched across his face.
0:02:47 > 0:02:52Oh look! Army types. They're always up for a laugh. Come on.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55I say, chaps! Have you seen Prince Albert's ludicrous moustaaaah...
0:02:57 > 0:02:58I beg your pardon?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01I said, hoooowww ahhhh you?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04No, you didn't. Do I look like an idiot to you?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06A little bit. Around the lips.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Sort of. And this area here, sort of thing.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10For your information, gentleman,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12moustache is the very height of fashion.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13THEY LAUGH
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Clearly, you chaps haven't been involved in the Crimean campaign.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Skin infections caused by razor cuts had our soldiers
0:03:19 > 0:03:22dropping like flies over there, so us officers stopped shaving,
0:03:22 > 0:03:25grew our facial hair. Soon, the men followed suit,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28and now we're back here, the craze is spreading like wildfire.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29You were saying?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Dear Cedric, it would appear that you
0:03:32 > 0:03:36and I are, suddenly, deeply unfashionable.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Speak for yourself, mate.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Gentlemen...
0:03:46 > 0:03:51Hi, I'm a shouty man and I'm here to tell you about New Roman Dog,
0:03:51 > 0:03:55the cuddly companion who puts the fur into multifurpose.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Do you have a wart?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Oh! I'll take that as a "yes".
0:04:00 > 0:04:03But don't worry. Help is at paw.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Simply mix some wee-wee from New Roman Dog with some mud,
0:04:06 > 0:04:09apply to the affected abomination
0:04:09 > 0:04:11and your wart will disappear,
0:04:11 > 0:04:15meaning urine great shape. I made a joke with words!
0:04:15 > 0:04:16It's still there.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18It's only a little dog, mate.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20And if your affliction is more serious than a wart,
0:04:20 > 0:04:22then Roman Dog is here to help.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26An all-over body rub down with a puppy is the perfect canine cure
0:04:26 > 0:04:28for all manner of illness.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Feeling better, love?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Actually, I do feel a bit better for that.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33That's because Gavin here has cured you.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Oh, that's wonderful...
0:04:34 > 0:04:36SHE COUGHS
0:04:36 > 0:04:39And New Roman Dog doesn't stop at curing illness.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Oh no! He'll also howl, if someone has died.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43SHE COUGHS
0:04:43 > 0:04:44HE HOWLS
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Either you cured her or you didn't, Gavin. You can't have it both ways.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48HE PRETENDS TO CRY
0:04:48 > 0:04:50And even when your doggy dies,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53he's still as useful as ever.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55In fact, the gall bladder of a black dog is a valued
0:04:55 > 0:04:57ingredient in all sorts of magic.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Mystical spirits, bring my dog back to life!
0:05:02 > 0:05:03HE SIGHS
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Probably shouldn't have taken his gall bladder out.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07And the blood from New Roman Dog placed under
0:05:07 > 0:05:10the threshold of your house will keep away evil spirits.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Wooooh!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Sorry, mate. We've got dog's blood! Try next door.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18See?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20So get your New Roman Dog today.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22You'd be barking mad not to.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26And don't worry, the dog's fine. Never leave me, Gavin!
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Romans also believed that, if you'd been bitten by a mad dog,
0:05:32 > 0:05:36you could be cured by using the hair of the dog that bit you.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Though just how you're meant to get a hair off the mad dog
0:05:39 > 0:05:43without getting bitten again is anyone's guess.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47Yes, those Romans believed in some pretty crazy cures.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Ah! Come in.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Thank you.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56I seek the wisdom of the wisest Roman of all, Marcus Porcius Cato,
0:05:56 > 0:06:00revered soldier, esteemed statesman and venerated thinker.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02And cabbage farmer. What's the problem?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Well, I'm looking for a cure for my ill son.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Mm, yes. He does look a bit peaky.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Yes, his glands are up around his neck.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14Well, you know what's good for that don't you? A cabbage.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Get that down you, boy. That'll soon stop the swelling.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Ah, see, I'm not sure that's going to work.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Oh, it looks like he's got the sweats, too.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Cabbage should cool him down.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Ah! Actually, I'm not sure...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Best thing for it. Ah!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Do you know, I don't think this was actually a very good idea?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Ooh! Has he got a rash on his neck?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34To get rid of that, take one cabbage after every meal.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Breakfast,
0:06:36 > 0:06:37lunch,
0:06:37 > 0:06:38dinner.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41And one before you go to bed. Help you get off to sleep.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Everyone knows that cabbages are good for insomnia.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I think we're actually going to leave it there.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Ooh, hey now!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Are you casting doubt on the wonder drug powers of the cabbage?
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Yes, I am.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57And I think all of the great medics of Rome would share that opinion.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Well, they're idiots!
0:06:58 > 0:07:02And in the case of my son, we were strongly advised against cabbages.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Why in Jupiter's name would they do that?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06He's allergic.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07To cabbages.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I think I have a cure for that.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10SHE SIGHS
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Soup.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Hot cabbage soup.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16I'll go and make us up a pot.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Ooh! You dropped one.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Yeah, sorry about that. It's all the cabbages I've been eating.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43The answer is B.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45They stayed in the dining room
0:07:45 > 0:07:48and weed in a potty, while still joining in the conversation.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53Yes, Georgian dinner parties really could be pretty strange.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Previously on Georgian Come Dine With Me...
0:07:55 > 0:07:58George III served up a plate of branches...
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Welcome to my dining room. Now, who wants a steak from my beef tree?
0:08:02 > 0:08:07Oh! Of all the fathers in all the world, he had to be mine.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Friend of the Prince Regent and famous dandy, Beau Brummel,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12didn't have time to serve anything at all, but looked absolutely
0:08:12 > 0:08:15gorgeous after taking his usual five hours to get dressed.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Ta-dah! Oh!
0:08:19 > 0:08:20I don't believe it!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22One of my cuffs is a millimetre longer than the other!
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Do you chaps mind if I change?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25- ALL: Yes!- Oh!
0:08:25 > 0:08:29And famous traveller, surgeon and entrepreneur, Dean Mahomet,
0:08:29 > 0:08:32brought the others to the first-ever Indian restaurant in London,
0:08:32 > 0:08:34where they experienced a rare treat called curry.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38I fear the taste may be a little strong for the British palate.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42It's unlikely to find many fans over here.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Are you going to finish that?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48It's day four, and with his guests on the way, the Prince Regent
0:08:48 > 0:08:51and future George IV heads down to the kitchen.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53But he's got some bad news for his chef.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Basically, everyone's favourite Prince is horribly in debt,
0:08:56 > 0:09:00so tonight, if you could just give us the absolute basic minimum.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04- OK.- 60 courses of the finest European cuisine.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Got to tighten one's belt while the money's short.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10And Dad's still got control of the royal purse.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Knowing my luck, he's probably eaten it.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15George's personal cook is celebrity chef, Antonin Careme,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17the man who invented haute cuisine.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Yes, Antonin's worked for all the greats -
0:09:21 > 0:09:24me, Napoleon, The Tsar of Russia...
0:09:24 > 0:09:25and me.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Good food can be very simple. Take my vol-au-vents.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Don't mind if I do.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Breadcrumbs, mushrooms, nutmeg, cream, lobster tails,
0:09:33 > 0:09:37chicken jellies, calves' udders, lambs' glands, sheep's brain.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Yes, what simple dish isn't complete without a bit of sheep's brain?
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Don't think George likes it.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45The Prince Regent's guests have arrived and are ready to eat,
0:09:45 > 0:09:47although King George is having trouble
0:09:47 > 0:09:49parking his invisible kangaroo.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Woo-hoo, kangaroo! Down, boy!
0:09:51 > 0:09:54As usual, the meal is served a la Francaise, which means
0:09:54 > 0:09:57put everything on the table and grab whatever you possibly can.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Oi! Save some for me!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Chillax, George! There are 60 courses.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Time for those all-important scores.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06It's a stylish seven from Beau Brummel...
0:10:06 > 0:10:07The food was awful.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10..but as he'll be needing help from the Prince Regent to open
0:10:10 > 0:10:12a bath house in Brighton, Dean Mahomet's given him a ten.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Waah!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15And it's a chicken from George III,
0:10:15 > 0:10:17meaning the winner of the £1,000 is...
0:10:17 > 0:10:22It's me! I won! Yes! Get in, so much!
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Yes, I can finally start paying off my debts!
0:10:26 > 0:10:30Oh, thank you. I promise to use this money responsibly.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Or we can all go for supper,
0:10:33 > 0:10:34on me!
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Dean Mahomet opened some steam baths in Brighton, where he
0:10:38 > 0:10:42treated people for all sorts of ailments, using herbs and vapours.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44He even treated George IV.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48He was known as a pooing surgeon.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50No, no, wait a minute. Sorry, that's not right, is it?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52I meant to say shampooing surgeon.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53HE LAUGHS
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Actually, shall we just take that again?
0:11:00 > 0:11:04Alexander the Great of Macedonia really didn't hang around.
0:11:04 > 0:11:09By the age of 22, he'd conquered virtually the whole of Greece.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12But he just couldn't stop expanding his empire.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Some people are never happy!
0:11:14 > 0:11:15'Are you fed up, now you've finished
0:11:15 > 0:11:18'Alexander's Conquest of Greece board game?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19'Why stop there?
0:11:19 > 0:11:22'Keep adding to your Empire, with the all-new Persia Expansion.'
0:11:22 > 0:11:25The new Persia Expansion game is awesome!
0:11:25 > 0:11:29I'm going to fight an army of one million men.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31A million, it sounds a bit hard.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Yes! Eat my army! I've conquered Persia - game over!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37ALL: Oh, no.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Wait a minute, guys, the game's not over yet.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41'That's right-er.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43'Just when you think you can pack up and go home,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45'you'll be made to play Alexander's new conquest.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46'The Egypt Expansion Board.'
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Are you sure? It's just, it's getting late.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Yeah, maybe we should quit, while it's still fun.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Well, I'm having fun! And it's MY game.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Y-yes, fun game!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Yay!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Oh, look! I've just conquered Egypt.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Oh, no, game over!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06No.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07'That's right-er!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10'Alexander's Conquest of Greece, Persia and Egypt Expansion
0:12:10 > 0:12:12'comes with a Conquest of India Expansion board, too!'
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Oh, come on!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I only really came round to conquer Persia, so...
0:12:16 > 0:12:18I want to conquer India now!
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Yeah, that could take a while.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I did say I'd pick my sister up from the swimming pool.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Oh look, we've just been attacked by elephants!
0:12:24 > 0:12:25What is an elephants?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28OK, but once we conquer India, then can we go home, because I...
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- What do you think? - 'You've guessed it!
0:12:30 > 0:12:33'Alexander's Conquest of Greece, Persian Egypt and India Expansion
0:12:33 > 0:12:36'comes with the To The Ends Of The Earth Expansion board!'
0:12:36 > 0:12:39We are going to keep playing this game
0:12:39 > 0:12:43until this board covers the whole world.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Guys?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49'Alexander's Conquest of Greece, Persia, Egypt and India
0:12:49 > 0:12:52'with the To The Ends Of The Earth Expansion board game.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54'Play it until no-one will play with you anymore.'
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Right, who is that voice?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Alexander's empire was huge
0:13:00 > 0:13:05and stretched over five million square kilometres, which is massive.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Almost as big as Alexander's ego.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Yes, that Alexander really was quite a character.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13ECSTATIC CHEERING
0:13:19 > 0:13:21# Alexander is my name
0:13:21 > 0:13:23# Macedonia's most famous commander
0:13:23 > 0:13:26# History calls "The Great" but I prefer "The Greatest"
0:13:26 > 0:13:29# A king aged only 20 when my dad assassinated
0:13:29 > 0:13:33# Advisors called for calm but, frankly, peace is over-rated
0:13:33 > 0:13:36# Crushed rebels in Greek city states
0:13:36 > 0:13:40# So, thousands of them martyrs
0:13:40 > 0:13:43# Made short labour of my neighbours
0:13:43 > 0:13:47# And that was just for starters
0:13:47 > 0:13:53# Alexander, full-time fighter
0:13:53 > 0:13:56# Made my home rule secure
0:13:56 > 0:14:01# But that wasn't enough I wanted more, more, more!
0:14:01 > 0:14:05# And so began my masterplan to conquer by invasion
0:14:05 > 0:14:08# Started with dad's enemy The famous Persian nation
0:14:08 > 0:14:11# Ruler Darius had far more troops An inconvenience
0:14:11 > 0:14:15# But I won, then thrashed Egypt I'm a military genius
0:14:15 > 0:14:21# Founded Egypt's Alexandria Named for the greatest man alive
0:14:21 > 0:14:25# I was now Pharaoh and King of Persia
0:14:25 > 0:14:28# Not bad for 25
0:14:28 > 0:14:32# Alexander!
0:14:32 > 0:14:36# Victorious fighter
0:14:36 > 0:14:38# "The Greatest" sounds flat
0:14:38 > 0:14:39# How about "The Living God"?
0:14:39 > 0:14:43# Yeah, I'll buy that!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46# My loyal followers said "That's the stuff"
0:14:46 > 0:14:50# But I, a born warrior said "It's not enough"
0:14:50 > 0:14:53# "Let's take India Last man there's a fool"
0:14:53 > 0:14:57# Started wearing Persian clothes Boy, I looked so cool
0:14:57 > 0:14:59# But made my troops suspicious
0:14:59 > 0:15:01# Men called me too ambitious
0:15:01 > 0:15:03# Said they wouldn't follow me... #
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Guitar solo, Ptolemy!
0:15:12 > 0:15:15# Cos of me, Ptolemy, he'll go far
0:15:15 > 0:15:18# He'll found the dynasty that ends with Cleopatra
0:15:18 > 0:15:22# Then, there's Hephaestian My best friend, of course
0:15:22 > 0:15:26# Unless you count Bucephalus but he's a horse #
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Why the long face, my friend?
0:15:28 > 0:15:29HORSE NEIGHS
0:15:29 > 0:15:32# Anyway, together It was going grand
0:15:32 > 0:15:35# Till Heph and Bucy died and my men took a stand
0:15:35 > 0:15:39# I wanted to continue but my hands were tied
0:15:39 > 0:15:44# So I sat in my tent and I cried
0:15:46 > 0:15:53# Oh-oh-ohohohoooooh!
0:15:53 > 0:15:59# Alexander! No more a fighter
0:16:00 > 0:16:08# Adventures had to stop cos 323BC saw me drop... #
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Dead!
0:16:19 > 0:16:23It's 1928 and historical grimefighters, Louis and Dave,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26have come to the laboratory of scientist Alexander Fleming
0:16:26 > 0:16:29in St Mary's Hospital, London.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Yeah, we've had problems with Mr Fleming before.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34He's a brilliant scientist, supposedly.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37But he's not a brilliant tidy-upper, I can tell you that for nothing!
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Oh, crikey, this is worse than your bedroom, this is, Dave.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43There's dirty pots and dishes everywhere,
0:16:43 > 0:16:45full of highly-infectious bacteria.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Oh, I don't believe this, Dave!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50He's been experimenting with bacteria
0:16:50 > 0:16:54and he's gone on holiday without tidying up after himself first!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56There's mould in that Petri dish.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Oh, here he comes, Dr Doolittle.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00What's going on?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Tell you what's going on, mate, you're going to clean up
0:17:02 > 0:17:04this laboratory, starting with that mould there.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Extraordinary!
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Not really, mate. That's what happens when you go on holiday
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- and leave your dirty dishes. - Look, look.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13The Staphylococci bacteria on this is completely normal, right?
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Whereas in this dish, it's been destroyed by the mould.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Do you know what this means?
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Blooming strong mould.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Exactly. I must grow some more!
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Erm, I don't think so, mate. Dave, the mould killer.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27No, stop! Look, you don't understand, right?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29This mould stops other bacteria from growing.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32I mean, this could be a really important medical discovery!
0:17:32 > 0:17:35One day, we could use this to treat infections.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Oh, right! "Doctor, doctor, I'm feeling really ill!"
0:17:38 > 0:17:40"Oh, it's all right, here's some mould!"
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I reckon I'll win a prize for this one day.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Yeah, you will, mate - The Filthiest Laboratory Award, 1928.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Here's your reward.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Right, come on, Dave, let's get out of here.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55I'd like to thank me mum for never making me clean my room!
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Disgusting!
0:17:57 > 0:18:00That's enough of your jibber-jabber, Dave.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Dr Fleming had actually discovered penicillin,
0:18:05 > 0:18:09an antibiotic which is still widely used today.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13And in 1945, he shared a Nobel Prize.
0:18:13 > 0:18:18I've grown plenty of mould and I've never been given a prize for it.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Back in the early 1900s, another potty pioneer was making his name.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Hello. I'm here to pitch one of the greatest adventure stories
0:18:32 > 0:18:35in history - my team's journey to Antarctica.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Listen, Scotty of the Antarctic, the last thing we want to hear
0:18:38 > 0:18:41is a boring story about a bunch of guys who got to the South Pole
0:18:41 > 0:18:43second and then all froze to death on the way home!
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Talk about a story without any warmth!
0:18:46 > 0:18:47Depressing.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50No, no, I think there's been some confusion. I'm not Scott.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Scott died on his way back from the South Pole in 1912.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Ah, you must be Amundsen,
0:18:55 > 0:18:58the Norwegian guy who got there 33 days before Scott!
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Now, that's more interesting.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Apparently, he used dogs to pull the sledges.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Were these talking dogs?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Lady and the Tramp Go Skiing?! It's a "yes" from me!
0:19:05 > 0:19:08No, no, I'm not Amundsen, either. I'm Ernest Shackleton.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11So you weren't first or second to the South Pole?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Well, actually, my team never made it, at all.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- Oh, great! - Because films about massive losers
0:19:16 > 0:19:18who don't achieve anything make such big hits(!)
0:19:18 > 0:19:20How close did you get?
0:19:20 > 0:19:21About 200 miles.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Is this a comedy?!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24No, it's a thrilling adventure!
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Oh, beam me up, Scotty of the Arctic! I want out of this meeting!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30So our voyage of discovery was something of a failure,
0:19:30 > 0:19:32but it's what happened next, that's the amazing story.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Our ship, The Endurance, got stuck in the ice for nine months.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Eventually, the force of the ice cracked the hull of the ship
0:19:38 > 0:19:41and we had to abandon it. Leaving most of the men behind
0:19:41 > 0:19:44on the frozen beach, six of us went for help in a small rowing boat.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46OK, you've got my attention.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48We travelled for 800 miles in two weeks,
0:19:48 > 0:19:50in the most horrendous conditions.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51And then what happened?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53We landed on the island of South Georgia,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55where we knew there was a whaling station,
0:19:55 > 0:19:57but we were on the wrong side of the island.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59HE GROANS
0:19:59 > 0:20:02In our way was a huge mountain range. Incredibly, three of us managed
0:20:02 > 0:20:05to make it across and charter a boat to rescue the rest of the men.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Amazingly, every single one of them survived!
0:20:08 > 0:20:09- Yes!- Hooray!
0:20:09 > 0:20:11They're alive! They're alive!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Kid, you got yourself a movie deal.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Oh, thank you!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I assume everybody lived happily ever after.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Actually, no.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20Most of them were called up
0:20:20 > 0:20:23and killed a couple of years later in the First World War.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Well, there goes the sequel. - It's a no from me.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- Buzz! You got three nos. Thanks for coming.- Right, fine. I'm off.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Better hurry up or the Norwegian team will beat you.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32That was the other guy!
0:20:32 > 0:20:35He's going outside for a walk, he may be some time.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36The OTHER guy!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- I found him very cold.- Mm.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Chilling.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Early man good at music.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51Neanderthal even make flute 40,000 year ago.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53'Available at last from Neanderthal Records...
0:20:55 > 0:20:57'..the first-ever musical notes
0:20:57 > 0:20:59'played on the first-ever musical instrument -
0:20:59 > 0:21:00'a hollowed-out animal bone -
0:21:00 > 0:21:03'collected together on one unforgettable album.'
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Now, that what me call music.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Music good! Me like! Hey!
0:21:08 > 0:21:11'Featuring the ground-breaking Three Notes In Any Old Order...'
0:21:11 > 0:21:13HE PLAYS RANDOM NOTES
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Oh, beautiful.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18'..the remarkable Four Notes In Any Old Order...'
0:21:18 > 0:21:20HE PLAYS A SINGLE NOTE
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Oh! HE PLAYS MORE RANDOM NOTES
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Very good!
0:21:23 > 0:21:26'..and the smash hit, Smash Hit!'
0:21:26 > 0:21:28BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- CRUNCH! - Oh!
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Broken!
0:21:34 > 0:21:37What you mean, "While Neanderthals last"?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39- What this?- I don't know.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42It's true -
0:21:42 > 0:21:44a flute made from animal bone is thought to be
0:21:44 > 0:21:47the oldest musical instrument in the world.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49That is if you don't count the bum trumpet.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- PFFRT! - Ah, sweet music.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Stone Age man had many uses for animal bones
0:21:55 > 0:21:58and they came from some very unusual animals.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06Hello. I'm an over excitable wildlife presenter.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09And I'm an even more excitable wildlife presenter.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- And I'm really excited today... - Though not as excited as me!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16..because we are here in Stone Age times for a really special
0:22:16 > 0:22:19edition of Historical Springwatch.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22We are in the Pleistocene Era, where we've got hidden cameras
0:22:22 > 0:22:27deep inside the habitats of this era's most extraordinary animals.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28They really are extraordinary.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30- I just said that!- Sorry.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Let's take a look at the Toxodon.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36The Toxodon is a giant, three-toed mammal
0:22:36 > 0:22:39that's a sort of a cross between a hippopotamus and a gerbil.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Imagine that - a sort of giant, hairy hippo.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Well, you don't have to imagine it.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Because we're going to see one, any second now.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Oh, it seems the Toxodon's been eaten by an early man.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54That's exciting to see, too -
0:22:54 > 0:22:58Homo sapiens surviving by making use of any food available to him.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Not to worry - we've got plenty of other giant mammals for you.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05So let's take a look at the Megatherium we've been following.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09This sloth can grow up to six metres long.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11And we've been following this guy for more than...
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- Oh! He's done it again! - Can we check out the other cameras?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17He scoffed the lot!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19If he carries on like this, early man's going to end up
0:23:19 > 0:23:22killing off all of these fantastic mega animals.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Well, not on my Springwatch, let me tell you.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Oi, you there!
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Did you never stop to think that people in the future
0:23:29 > 0:23:32might actually want to see giant panthers, giant sloths,
0:23:32 > 0:23:35even giant sabretooth tigers?!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37GROWLING AND ROARING
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Uh!
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Actually, you have my permission to kill this one.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Where are you going?!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Oh! What extraordinary teeth you have!
0:23:46 > 0:23:47ROARING AND SCREAMING
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Well, join me tomorrow, when we'll...
0:23:50 > 0:23:54I'LL be looking at a bull that's the size of a small elephant.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58And then early man will be turning it into hamburgers. See you, then.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Us pirates could be dead hard to understand.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11Especially for those people we held captive. Arrrrr!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Do they know who I am? Who's in charge here?
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Arr! Heave-to, me hearties!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- Are you the man in charge? - That be me, you landlubber.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20I'm sorry, what was that?
0:24:20 > 0:24:24I am reasonably familiar with pirate parlance.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26- Perhaps I could translate?- Proceed.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28A landlubber, basically, means someone
0:24:28 > 0:24:30who is clumsy while aboard a ship.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33If that's what you mean, why don't you just speak properly?
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Silence, scurvy knave!
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Oh, he's at it again. Translation, please.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Scurvy is a nasty disease you can get at sea and knave...
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Well, he's basically calling you a villain, sir.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47If he wants to call me a scabby villain, why didn't he just say so?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Well, shiver me timbers, I'll have this bilge rat keelhauled.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52THE GENTLEMAN SIGHS
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Well, if a ship gets a sudden blast from a cannon,
0:24:55 > 0:24:59then the wooden masts - or "timbers" - are shaken or "shivered".
0:24:59 > 0:25:01It's, kind of, an expression of surprise.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03And bilge is the very bottom of a ship -
0:25:03 > 0:25:08a dirty, stinking place filled with rats. Hence "bilge rat."
0:25:08 > 0:25:10And "keelhauled"?
0:25:10 > 0:25:11A traditional pirate punishment,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14where your feet are tied and you're dragged under the water,
0:25:14 > 0:25:17rubbing against the barnacled bottom of the ship.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18You'd be torn to pieces, sir.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21That threat certainly would have had me quaking in my boots,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24if I'd had ANY idea what it meant!
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Speak English!
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Arr! Paul, sew his mouth up.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Ugh! Translation, please.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33"Sew his mouth up."
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Ah.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Well, shiver me timbers.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I think I've just filled my keel with bilge.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Now you're getting the hang of it, mate. Arrr!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43PIRATES LAUGH
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Hello and welcome to HH TV Sport,
0:25:48 > 0:25:51bringing you live sport direct from the past.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Today, we've got a truly extraordinary sporting spectacle
0:25:54 > 0:25:56lined up for you - the Pirate Races.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58To find out more,
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I hand you over to our commentary team in the Georgian Era.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04So, here we are at the pirate racecourse,
0:26:04 > 0:26:05a recently-captured merchant ship.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08This promises to be the most amazing race -
0:26:08 > 0:26:10the riders and their jockeys
0:26:10 > 0:26:12now taking their positions at the starting line.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14And here they are.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Three experienced pirate jockeys and three captured monks.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Well, as you know, pirates are twisted lot.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24They take particular pleasure in tormenting these religious men.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26And they're under starter's orders.
0:26:26 > 0:26:27BIRD CAWS
0:26:27 > 0:26:29And they're off!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Well, it's a cracking start to the race.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33They're approaching the first obstacle now,
0:26:33 > 0:26:35which is a board of nails.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37This racecourse is a recently-captured merchant ship -
0:26:37 > 0:26:40the merchants have tried to prevent the pirates capturing the ship
0:26:40 > 0:26:43by putting down a board full of nails, right across the deck.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Oh, dear! Brother Carlos has trodden on one!
0:26:46 > 0:26:50Oh, and there goes his vow of silence. That is unfortunate.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Oh, and just look at this, Brother Miguel's jockey
0:26:52 > 0:26:55is making him drink rum at gunpoint. Is that normal?
0:26:55 > 0:26:58I'm afraid so, John, some pirates like to amuse themselves
0:26:58 > 0:26:59by forcing monks to get drunk.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02But this is the first time I've actually seen it
0:27:02 > 0:27:03used in an actual race.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04And, yeah, Brother Miguel
0:27:04 > 0:27:07really feeling the effects of the rum, there.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09And here's the next obstacle.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11The merchants have put butter and peas on the deck(?)
0:27:11 > 0:27:13That's to make the decks slippy for the pirates.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16And the riders certainly struggling with this one.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Slipping into the lead there is Father Xavier...
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Lazy monk, come on!
0:27:20 > 0:27:25..whose jockey is making judicious use of the cat-o'-nine-tails.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Well, that's the pirates' whip of choice.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30And they're coming up to the finishing line
0:27:30 > 0:27:32and it's Father Xavier who wins by a bald head.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35And his jockey receives his well-deserved winner's trophy,
0:27:35 > 0:27:37his to treasure.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Ah, well, not for long, John.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- Well, that's pirates for you. - THEY LAUGH
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Back to the studio.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45# Tall tales Atrocious acts
0:27:45 > 0:27:46# We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# The ugly truth No glam or glitz... #
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Can't get enough of Horrible Histories?
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Then go to the CBBC website and click on the link!
0:27:53 > 0:27:55See you there!
0:27:55 > 0:27:57# The past is no longer a mystery
0:27:57 > 0:27:58# Hope you enjoyed
0:27:58 > 0:28:03# Horrible Histories. #