0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians, Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful Wars, Ferocious Fights, Dingy Castles, Daring Knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description, Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, Cruel Crime, Punishments from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Roman, Rotten, Rank and Ruthless, Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Groovy Greeks, Brainy sages, Mean and Measly Middle Ages
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# Gory Stories we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:27# Welcome to
0:00:27 > 0:00:30# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Rotten Romans.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39During the reign of Emperor Augustus,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43we Romans formed an alliance with some Germanic barbarians.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47But trusting them was another matter, as this General found out.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50General, I've been thinking.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52I did specifically ask you not to do that, Eggius.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56I know, sir, sorry, sir. Only I couldn't help thinking,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58is it really wise to march in single file
0:00:58 > 0:01:00along a narrow path through dense forest?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Your point being?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Well, might we not be ambushed by barbarians?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Why on earth would you think that, Eggius?
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Two things, really.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10One, this is the perfect place
0:01:10 > 0:01:12for barbarians to ambush a Roman Legion
0:01:12 > 0:01:14and two, a spy has warned us
0:01:14 > 0:01:18that barbarians are going to ambush a Roman Legion, specifically us.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Poppycock, Eggius.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22The secret to great leadership is being able to tell the difference
0:01:22 > 0:01:26between what's true and what's poppycock, and that is poppycock.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29The barbarians in this region are our allies.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31That said, might it not be a good idea
0:01:31 > 0:01:33to send a reconnaissance party out in front?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Yeah, good idea, you go ahead,
0:01:35 > 0:01:38at least then I won't be able to listen to all your bellyaching.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Take a couple of the men with you.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Er, Sir.- What is it now, Eggius? - Hm.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Right, I see. Erm, just keep walking, Eggius.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Maybe they haven't seen us.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- A bit faster?- Yeah, a bit faster would be good.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01- Oh.- Oh.- oh.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08Three Roman Legions were annihilated in the ambush. 15,000 soldiers!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11That's more Romans than I've got lice.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14When Emperor Augustus heard of the disaster,
0:02:14 > 0:02:17he repeatedly hit his head against the walls of his palace
0:02:17 > 0:02:20saying, "Give me back my legions."
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Old Augustus wasn't used to failure.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I really shouldn't have done that!
0:02:29 > 0:02:31In a time of conflict...
0:02:31 > 0:02:36Sire, we have Mark Antony and Cleopatra cornered at Actium.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Could end this Civil War with one blow.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43..only one man could defeat Mark Antony, a powerful Roman General
0:02:43 > 0:02:45and Cleopatra, the Queen of Egypt.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I am Emperor Gaius
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Julius Caesar
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Octavianus Divi Filius Augustus.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Augustus, I'm Emperor Augustus.
0:02:55 > 0:03:00And I shall have a victory at Actium that will echo through history.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03The story of:
0:03:03 > 0:03:05- What's your name? - Agrippa.- Bless you.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07I'd like you to take care of the details for me.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Sorry, when you say details?
0:03:09 > 0:03:10You know, the battle, the fighting,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12I'd like you to go and win the battle for me.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16It's likely to be sunny and I don't want to get sunburnt, so...
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Right, so I go and...
0:03:18 > 0:03:19- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20- Yeah.- Fine.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25Augustus, he rebuilt a city and founded an empire.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Sire, through your leadership we have destroyed the enemy.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Yeah.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Well, it wasn't really his leadership. I mean I,
0:03:32 > 0:03:34you know what, fine, carry on.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Yes.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I shall build Rome anew,
0:03:37 > 0:03:42creating the greatest city the world has ever seen.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Yes.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Can you sort the details, erm, thingy?
0:03:46 > 0:03:47- Agrippa.- Bless you.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50You know, the buildings, the roads, the sewers, the baths,
0:03:50 > 0:03:51that sort of thing.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53I don't want to go outside,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55I'm worried I might be hit by lightning.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Right, so I go and...
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Oh, and can you pay for the food
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- and bathing for the people out of your own pocket?- Yeah.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Emperor, you are too generous.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Really, he...?
0:04:05 > 0:04:10Augustus, his achievements would be remembered through all eternity.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11That's nice, new?
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- Yes. Erm, Arthur? - Agrippa.- Bless you.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19I'm having it copied and placed in every major city in the Empire.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23I call it the Res Gestal, it's a list of my achievements.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28How I won battles, built Rome and created an Empire.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30You didn't do that, I did that.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Not what it says here.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36Augustus, the story of the greatest leader ancient Rome ever had
0:04:36 > 0:04:38and his friend, erm, Ah Tissue.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Now, read me a bedtime story, you know I can't sleep without one.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Once upon a time, there was a famous king
0:04:45 > 0:04:47who made his best friend do all the actual work
0:04:47 > 0:04:52- and his name was Agrippa. - Bless you.- Oh!
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Augustus, the movie.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58"I found Rome a city of brick and left it a city of marble."
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Well, with a bit of help from what's-his-name.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02I wonder what's wrong with Adrian?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Terrible Tudors.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10You may have heard of the Princes in the Tower.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14When Edward IV died, his brother, Richard III took the crown
0:05:14 > 0:05:17and had Edward's two young sons locked up in the Tower of London
0:05:17 > 0:05:19and possibly killed.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22But then, Henry Tudor beat Richard III in battle
0:05:22 > 0:05:24and became Henry VII.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26And remember those Princes in the Tower?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29One of them, Richard Duke of York,
0:05:29 > 0:05:33mysteriously reappeared to claim his crown.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35This is Father Richard Simons,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38an Oxford trained priest and scholar who has asked for our help
0:05:38 > 0:05:39to confirm his royal ancestry in...
0:05:39 > 0:05:42No, no not me, the boy, the boy.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Oh, oh right. This is a erm...
0:05:44 > 0:05:48- 13-year-old.- Really? Looks a lot younger- No, 13.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53OK, so this is a 13-year-old boy who this priest has asked us
0:05:53 > 0:05:57to confirm that he, the boy, has royal ancestry, is that right?
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Yes, that's right, that's right.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02So, join us as we trace back his family tree and ask the question,
0:06:02 > 0:06:0513-year-old boy, who on earth are you?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08To help search the boy's ancestry for any royal link,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10we've enlisted the help of leading family historian,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Sir Francis Guesswork.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15So then, first things first, what's your name?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- La...- Richard Duke of York. He's Richard Duke of York, aren't you?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- Erm.- See.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Well then, this is quite a discovery.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23You were believed to have been murdered
0:06:23 > 0:06:25in the Tower of London as a child,
0:06:25 > 0:06:27one of the infamous Princes in the Tower.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30And you most certainly have a royal bloodline,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32in fact as the son of Edward IV, you'd...
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Be the rightful King with all the fame,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37money, power and influence that goes with it,
0:06:37 > 0:06:39which you would no doubt share with me,
0:06:39 > 0:06:41being your loyal friend and tutor.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Do you know that thought hadn't even crossed our minds, had it, Lambert?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47I mean, Prince Richard.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Right then, let's go and claim that crown of his.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51I mean, yours.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- Oh, no, you, you just can't go and claim the crown.- Why not?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56You need proof.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58There's documentation, testimonies, supporters.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00All right, all right.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01You know, it's fascinating really
0:07:01 > 0:07:05because one of the other claimants to the throne recently went missing.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Oh! Er, who was that?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Edward Plantagenet, Earl of Warwick,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13he hasn't been seen since Henry VII had him locked up in the Tower.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14How old would he be?
0:07:14 > 0:07:1512.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- That's him.- What?
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Sh!
0:07:18 > 0:07:19But you said he was 13?
0:07:19 > 0:07:22And you said he looks younger. He is, he's 12.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Er, he escaped from the Tower and I found him.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26But I thought he was the Duke of York?
0:07:26 > 0:07:28You must have made a spelling mistake.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30this is definitely the Earl of Warwick.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Let's go and claim that crown.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34I'll rally some supporters and we'll see you at the palace.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Yeah, I don't think that's such a good i...
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Oh!
0:07:37 > 0:07:40In an attempt to verify Father Simons' claim,
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Francis has brought in royalty expert, King Henry VII.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Sorry we're late, had to gather some supporters
0:07:46 > 0:07:50and then we stopped for lunch and, anyway, this is the Earl of Kildare.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Head of the Irish Government and may I say, your Majesty,
0:07:52 > 0:07:54that we are so convinced that this little fellow
0:07:54 > 0:07:57is the rightful King of England that we've just gone ahead
0:07:57 > 0:07:59and crowned him King Edward VI, so we have.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00So there.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Well, your Majesty,
0:08:01 > 0:08:03he clearly has the Irish on side,
0:08:03 > 0:08:06which does make a pretty convincing case
0:08:06 > 0:08:08for this being the real Edward, Earl of Warwick.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Yes, yeah, I can totally see
0:08:10 > 0:08:13why you think this is the real Edward, Earl of Warwick,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16but I'll tell you why I'm not completely convinced.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17And why is that?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Because this
0:08:19 > 0:08:21is the real Edward Earl of Warwick.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23He didn't die and he certainly didn't escape.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27I've had him locked up in the Tower the whole time.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29So what do you say to that, Father Simons?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Ah, is there anyone else in line for the throne
0:08:33 > 0:08:35aged between, sort of, nine and 14?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Guards! Take this fraud away.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Bye.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41So then, lad, what's your real name?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Lambert Simnel, Sir.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Well, young Lambert, you're for the chop.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Oh!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49And the rib and the fillet and the shank.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I'm going to give you a job cooking meat in the royal kitchens.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Oh, thank you, Sir.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I don't suppose you need someone to do veg?
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Shut up, you.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Henry VII fought off all of the claims to his throne.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04If he hadn't, Henry VIII would never have been king.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08And this weird contraption would never have been invented.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Hello, I'm Henry VIII.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13I'm not getting any younger, or smaller.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Can't work out why.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I'm even having difficulty getting up the stairs.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Luckily I've discovered this.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21The all new Tudor King Lift.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25The ultimate mobility aid for tubby monarchs.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Here's how it works.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Using a series of pulleys, known as the block and tackle system,
0:09:29 > 0:09:31my new Tudor King Lift
0:09:31 > 0:09:34makes getting up the massive staircase at Whitehall Palace
0:09:34 > 0:09:36as easy as beheading a loved one.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38There, that's so much easier.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40No effort required at all.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41SNAP
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Ergh.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47Right, can somebody design a King picker-upper?
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Quickly.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Oh, no, oh, I'm too fat. Oh!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Woeful Second World War.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Hello and welcome to the News at When, when?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07About 75 years ago, when Germany,
0:10:07 > 0:10:11a country still reeling from the effects of the First World War,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14finds itself with a leader who's about to start another one.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Here with more details on this rather unwelcome sequel
0:10:18 > 0:10:21is Bob Hail, with the World War Two report. Bob.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Thank you, Sam.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Well, the year is 1938, that behind me is the world
0:10:25 > 0:10:28and hold onto your helmets because it's about to go to war.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Again!
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Yes, it's 20 years since Germany lost the First World War
0:10:31 > 0:10:33and had a load of land taken off them.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35And their leader, Adolf Hitler. Yeah, that one.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Has decided he wants it back, so he just takes it.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39I know, he's like that.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Which does not go down well with Britain and France,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43who send their Prime Ministers to have a little word with him.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46So, Hitler promises that he won't take over anymore territories,
0:10:46 > 0:10:49peace is guaranteed and everyone lives happily ever after
0:10:49 > 0:10:51in candy floss houses with gingerbread roofs.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53But not for long, now it turns out that Hitler has a memory
0:10:53 > 0:10:55much like his moustache, very short.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56He forgets about this Peace Treaty
0:10:56 > 0:10:59and promptly invades Czechoslovakia, allies with Italy
0:10:59 > 0:11:02and turns his eye towards Poland followed by his tanks and his guns.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05But, just the week before, Britain signed an agreement with Poland,
0:11:05 > 0:11:07promising to fight anyone who tries to invade them.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Which can mean only one thing.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Group hug.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Oh, no, my mistake, all out war!
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Yes, in September 1939,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Britain and France along with Australia, New Zealand and Canada,
0:11:18 > 0:11:21declare war on Germany and Italy - and the Second World War has begun.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23An event, which if we look at a dramaometer,
0:11:23 > 0:11:25is precisely this exciting.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Yes, for nine long months, nothing really happens as the Allies
0:11:28 > 0:11:30place all their troops behind this wall, the Maginot Line,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33and wait for Hitler to come and get them, which he never does.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Instead, he spends his time invading Norway, Denmark
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and the Netherlands before sneaking past the Maginot Line
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- through Belgium and invading France by the back door.- Boo!
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Wow, there's a lot of you in today.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44So, now, with France under Nazi rule.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Britain is on the front line,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48which means there's suddenly more drama that our thingy can handle.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50As World War Two takes to the skies.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Yes, no sooner had the RAF prevented a German invasion
0:11:52 > 0:11:54in the Battle of Britain,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56than Hitler starts dropping bombs on British cities.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58And a huge blitz known unimaginatively as The Blitz.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01And while Britain stays strong, Germany grows even stronger
0:12:01 > 0:12:04as Japan, Hungary and Romania all join Hitler's side,
0:12:04 > 0:12:07which then takes over Yugoslavia, Greece and North Africa.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Yes, Adolf's got invasion fever and despite promising
0:12:10 > 0:12:12that he'd never invade Russia, he then invades Russia.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Honestly, it's like you can't trust him or something.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16And it seems that this invasion fever is catching
0:12:16 > 0:12:18as Japan is now bitten by the bug.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Yes, after attacking the US Navy at Pearl Harbour,
0:12:21 > 0:12:23a Hawaiian island and terrible movie, the Japanese take over
0:12:23 > 0:12:27Thailand, Burma, the Philippines, Borneo, Hong Kong and Singapore.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28They even have a crack at Australia.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30In fact, if we look at the countryometer,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32or map as some people like to call it,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34it's quite clear that Hitler's going to win
0:12:34 > 0:12:36there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. Right?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Wrong, you see the Russians have already started
0:12:39 > 0:12:41fighting back the Germans on a new Eastern front.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43And America, angered by Pearl Harbour, the attack,
0:12:43 > 0:12:45not the movie, have joined the Allies, too.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Yes, now the Nazi's are facing more troops from more directions
0:12:48 > 0:12:50than ever before and the tide begins to turn.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52The Americans beat back the Japanese over the Pacific,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55while British forces push the Nazis out of North Africa.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57The Russians push back from the east
0:12:57 > 0:12:59and the Allies push up from the south.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Whilst over in the Far East, the Allies win back Burma.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02In fact with one big push,
0:13:02 > 0:13:04those Nazis could be forced into a retreat.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06And do you know what?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Here comes one big push, yes it's D-Day where everyone
0:13:08 > 0:13:11with a name beginning with D gets to invade France and the, what?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Oh, right, sorry, my mistake.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16It's where 160,000 Allied troops with various names
0:13:16 > 0:13:18invade the French coast of Normandy
0:13:18 > 0:13:20to start forcing the Nazis back across Europe.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Yes, now Hitler is facing a war on three fronts,
0:13:22 > 0:13:24or one bottom and two sides,
0:13:24 > 0:13:25depending on how you like to look at it.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28And when his Italian counterpart, Mussolini, is overthrown and killed,
0:13:28 > 0:13:30the writing's on the wall for Hitler.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Writing that says, "You're finished, mate." But in German.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35So, on May 8, 1945 Germany surrenders
0:13:35 > 0:13:37and the war is finally over.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Except, not really because back over in the East,
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Japan and the USA are still battling it out, until the Japanese are
0:13:43 > 0:13:46forced to surrender, by two bombs so big they wipe out entire cities.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49So, after six years and 60 million deaths,
0:13:49 > 0:13:52World War II finally finds a fittingly foul finale.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Yes, war is over and ladies and gentlemen,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56all I am saying is give peace a chance because when you...
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Ouch! You pricked me.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00Well, say you're sorry!
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Oh, silent treatment, is it?!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Well, you know what this means, war!
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Not so big now, eh?! Come back!
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Gorgeous Georgians.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18There was some most unusual people around in Georgian times
0:14:18 > 0:14:21and none more so than a certain Reverend Harvest.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28And thus we finish our reading from Corinthians.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31I must say, I'm very disappointed with the turnout this morning.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Well, it could be that last week you chased everybody out of here
0:14:35 > 0:14:38with a shotgun and accused them of being squatters.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Well if they weren't squatters, Roger,
0:14:40 > 0:14:42what were they doing in the church at that time?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Well, they come to the church at the same time every week
0:14:45 > 0:14:47because that's when the service is.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Oh, well that's where I got confused. It's lack of sleep.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Last night, someone was shaking me all night.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55That was me.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57You were sleeping in my bed, you were in the wrong house.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Ah, well one is entitled
0:15:00 > 0:15:02to make one or two small mistakes.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06But when it comes to the big stuff, Roger, I am always on the ball.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Reverend Harvest, you're meant to be at a wedding this morning.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Oh, really, whose?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Yours, you idiot. We are supposed to be getting married.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Oh, I'm sorry, that's the second time I've missed my own wedding.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Have you organised the honeymoon?
0:15:23 > 0:15:24I'll need horses for the buggy.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27My father, the Bishop, lent you some horses yesterday.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29I've lost them I'm afraid.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Could you lend me a horse, please?
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Not after hearing that, no.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35It looks like we're walking. Shall we go to France?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37I know my way around France, well, I don't really,
0:15:37 > 0:15:40but what I do know is, is that if you lose your hotel
0:15:40 > 0:15:43you can find it by putting a silver coin in your mouth and roaring.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I've done it before.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46What about the wedding?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Is someone getting married?
0:15:48 > 0:15:49I'd rather not.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Reverend Harvest was a total eccentric.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59He once showed a posh lady the stars in the sky
0:15:59 > 0:16:03and half way through talking, had a wee.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Hm, well, what's wrong with that, huh?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10It's only a little one. Huh. A wee-wee.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14There were some right characters around in Georgian times, oh, yes.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15All right, I'll clear it up.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Hah.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Hi, I'm Penny Bell and you're watching Georgian Showbiz News.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27We've got all the latest news on all the latest stars.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Coming up later, we've got Samuel Bishop. Awesome!
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Yes, the Georgian entertainer
0:16:33 > 0:16:35who taught his dog to dance with a monkey
0:16:35 > 0:16:37is back with his new act,
0:16:37 > 0:16:41a Tortoise who can fetch like a dog. Cute.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Fetch, fetch.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Get the ball.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48And we've got an exclusive report on the death of circus exhibit,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Daniel Lambert.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51Sad Face.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54The 52-stone man mountain passed away last week
0:16:54 > 0:16:56and there were tears at his funeral.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Oh, no, I'm not a relative.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02No, I didn't even know the man.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I just put me back out carrying his coffin.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07But first, you won't believe it.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I got to meet Daniel Wildman, that's right,
0:17:10 > 0:17:15the Daniel Wildman, London beekeeper and showman extraordinaire.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Check me out.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20Daniel's act involves riding a horse whilst wearing a mask of bees
0:17:20 > 0:17:24and he's certainly got the whole of Georgian Britain buzzing.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Daniel, hi.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I was going to give you a showbiz kiss,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31but I think I'd better keep my distance.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Don't worry, my bees won't sting you.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I've got them well trained. Watch this.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- How do you do it?- I tied a thread around the Queen Bee.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Haul her around and the others just follow. Simple.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Are you sure they won't sting? They sound kind of angry?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Relax. If they do get out of control...
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- Are you going to shoot them? - No, no, no, one shot from this
0:17:54 > 0:17:56and I can send them all back to their hive.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57GUNSHOT
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Ta-dah!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Now, Daniel, you've got a new book out,
0:18:03 > 0:18:07A Complete Guide For The Management Of Bees Throughout The Year.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08What's it about?
0:18:08 > 0:18:09BUZZING
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Ow! I thought you said your bees wouldn't sting me?
0:18:12 > 0:18:13That's not one of my bees.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Hm, this is Penny Bell with bee man, Daniel Wildman
0:18:17 > 0:18:18and I've just been stung.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Oh, and that's five shillings for the book.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Twice!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30In ancient Egypt, we really liked to look good.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32I mean, check me out.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35But for everyone else, it wasn't always so easy.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Hello.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42I wonder, have you got anything to help with this?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44With what, there's nothing there.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- That's really funny.- I know.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Do you have a cure for baldness?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Er, yes, sir, certainly, I can mix you up a cure.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Let me just check and see if I've got the right ingredients.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- Great.- Let's have a look.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57So, I need the fat of a hippo.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Check.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01The fat of a Tom cat.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Check.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07And the fat... Oh, dear, I seem to be missing some ingredients.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- What's up? - I need the fat of a snake.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I've got one living in my grain store.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- Shall I go and see if it's there? - Yeah, great, OK, thank you.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- See you in a sec.- Yeah.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- Argh!- Eurgh!
0:19:18 > 0:19:19I found him.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- Argh!- Thank you.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Right, all I need now is the fat of a Nubian ibex.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31As in an ibex that lives on the lands of our mortal enemies,
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- the Nubians?- Yes, indeed.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- Great, well, I'll just go and... - It's your head, mate.- Cheers.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- Aahh!- Oh, careful, you almost spilt my snake fat.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43You'd have had to go and get some more.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45All I need now is some crocodile fat.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Do you think we could not do this one at a time,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49just give me the whole list now.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- That's it, all we need is crocodile fat and we're done.- Sure?
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Absolutely.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Ahh!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Crocodile. All done.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06Yep. We've er... Oh, no, I forgot to read the other side of the list.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08We need lion fat.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Do you sell wigs?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27The answer is, B.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Medicines were made from all sorts of poo in ancient Egypt,
0:20:30 > 0:20:33from fly droppings to ostrich poo.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36And number two's were used in beauty treatments, as well.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Urgh!
0:20:37 > 0:20:38This season treat yourself
0:20:38 > 0:20:41to the all-in-one ancient Egyptian beauty set,
0:20:41 > 0:20:46eyeliner, face make-up and moisturiser in one easy-to-use pack.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48It's got to be Only For Men.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50What? Men?
0:20:50 > 0:20:54That's right, it's got everything an Egyptian man needs to look his best.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Stunning black lead eyeliner.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Luscious clay make-up for cheeks and lips, and there's more.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Buy the Only For Men beauty kit today
0:21:02 > 0:21:05and get this Only For Men leg hair removal cream absolutely free.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Only For Men.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Yes, with our new improved formula of oil, bird bones,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12cucumber and gum, now with added fly dung.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14You can make embarrassing leg hair a thing of the past.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Simply heat the cream, apply to the affected area
0:21:17 > 0:21:19and wait for it to set.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Then pull it off bringing all the unwanted hair with it.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Argh!
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Just look at the difference.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Before, no pain.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28After, lots of pain.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Only For Men.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Look like a man with the Only For Men ancient Egyptian
0:21:33 > 0:21:34beauty set, Only For Men.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Only For Men.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Now that's what I call macho.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Does my bottom look big in this?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Only For Men.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Measly Middle Ages.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54I'm here in Middle Ages England on my way to meet a man
0:21:54 > 0:21:57who's planning to build a massive extension.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00And all this while he's working full time as King of England.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03His name is Edward I.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07- Hello.- Just how big is this extension of yours going to be?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Around 8,000 square miles, give or take.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13It really is massive, and what would you call that, a conservatory,
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- a garden room? - Well, I call it Wales.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Edward's plan is to extend his current home of England
0:22:19 > 0:22:21out to the west, to incorporate
0:22:21 > 0:22:25all of the neighbouring country of Wales, where the Welsh live.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28He plans to underpin this new extension
0:22:28 > 0:22:30with an ambitious building programme that includes several
0:22:30 > 0:22:33of the largest castles ever built,
0:22:33 > 0:22:37including Beaumaris, Harlech, Caernarvon and Conway.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40And how is the project going down with the neighbours?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Good, I think, yeah. Good.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Excuse me, I don't mean to be any bother, but you seem to be building
0:22:44 > 0:22:47a giant castle in the back of my garden, and I was just wondering...
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- Take that, you Welsh scum.- Argh!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53You wouldn't say there were any tensions?
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Oh, you're talking about the budget.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Because I'm proud to say that despite this being
0:22:57 > 0:23:00one of the most extensive castle building projects in history,
0:23:00 > 0:23:03we're well within budget. Mainly because there isn't one.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06I'm so rich I've told my architect, Master James of St George,
0:23:06 > 0:23:08that I don't care what it costs.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11And, of course, we're stealing only the best
0:23:11 > 0:23:13locally sourced materials for the stonework.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I can't help noticing your relationship with the locals
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- could be better? - Oh, really, how?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Argh!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23You could stop killing them for a start.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Well, that's what all the castles are for, you see.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Once they've been built, we won't have any of this unpleasantness.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31There'll be an army there to keep them quiet.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33For me, it's all about sustainability.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36The castles can sustain an English army in Wales.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Argh!
0:23:38 > 0:23:40You see, they're getting it already. I like him.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Do you think you can to bring this project in on time, Edward?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Yes, I hope to be finished within two years.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49And then you can put your feet up and enjoy your new extension?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52No, then I start extending out the back.
0:23:52 > 0:23:53Out the back?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Out the back, here.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57You don't mean Scotland?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59You say, "potay-to", I say, "potah-to".
0:23:59 > 0:24:01You say, "Scotland", I say,
0:24:01 > 0:24:04"excellent potential for an extension to my English Kingdom".
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Edward's project may be controversial,
0:24:07 > 0:24:10but you've got to admire its scale and ambition.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Although his plans to build a new extension in Scotland
0:24:13 > 0:24:16have come to a halt due to a dispute with neighbour, William Wallace.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20You may take our lives, but you will never get planning permission
0:24:20 > 0:24:22- to build all those castles in Scotland.- Really?
0:24:22 > 0:24:25No. It's just not going to happen. Completely different...
0:24:25 > 0:24:30Yes, Edward I fought the Scottish and the Welsh very aggressively.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34William Wallace defended the Scots, but it would be over 100 years
0:24:34 > 0:24:38before a Welshman would rise up against the English.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41MUSIC: Delilah by Tom Jones
0:24:41 > 0:24:45# I'm a Welsh noble, I mobilised Wales 'gainst the English
0:24:45 > 0:24:47# He is Owen Glendower
0:24:47 > 0:24:51# Fought King Henry IV because Wales abhorred English rule
0:24:51 > 0:24:54# It's not unusual
0:24:54 > 0:25:00# But my uprising
0:25:00 > 0:25:02# It went a bit wrong
0:25:02 > 0:25:06# And this song tells the surprising tale
0:25:07 > 0:25:09# Oohhhh
0:25:09 > 0:25:13# Owain Glyndwr
0:25:13 > 0:25:18# Welsh hero of the hour
0:25:20 > 0:25:22# It all began
0:25:22 > 0:25:26# Cos my neighbour A vindictive man
0:25:26 > 0:25:28# Baron Grey de Ruthyn
0:25:28 > 0:25:31# Was spreading untrue things about me
0:25:32 > 0:25:34# Said I was a rebel
0:25:34 > 0:25:37# Who planned to repel England's king
0:25:37 > 0:25:39# From the green grass of home
0:25:39 > 0:25:41# Not really true
0:25:41 > 0:25:43# But then more than a few were convinced
0:25:43 > 0:25:45# We were ready to fight
0:25:45 > 0:25:51# So I decided
0:25:52 > 0:25:54# To take up the mantle
0:25:54 > 0:25:57# Was given the handle of Prince
0:25:57 > 0:25:58# Of Wales. #
0:25:58 > 0:26:00MUSIC: Kiss by Prince
0:26:00 > 0:26:02# You don't have to be Welsh
0:26:02 > 0:26:04# To feel Welsh pride
0:26:04 > 0:26:08# Even King's man Henry Hotspur ended up on my side
0:26:08 > 0:26:11# We claimed Welsh ground
0:26:11 > 0:26:13# Then in Hereford rain meant
0:26:13 > 0:26:15# The King nearly drowned
0:26:15 > 0:26:17# Washed away in his tent
0:26:17 > 0:26:21# So partly thanks to Welsh weather I was crowned
0:26:21 > 0:26:23# Think I'm gonna dance now
0:26:23 > 0:26:26MUSIC: Delilah by Tom Jones
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# I had great plans for new government, new law and churches
0:26:29 > 0:26:32# So, what's new pussycat?
0:26:32 > 0:26:36# But Henry IV had dried off and revenge was his game
0:26:36 > 0:26:38# Thought that he'd help himself
0:26:38 > 0:26:45# We were defeated
0:26:45 > 0:26:47# He blocked supplies to Wales
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# Our crops failed and starvation came
0:26:51 > 0:26:53# Oooh
0:26:53 > 0:26:56# Owain Glyndwr
0:26:58 > 0:27:03# My family sent to the Tower
0:27:04 > 0:27:07# As Welsh towns fell
0:27:07 > 0:27:11# And we all know that never ends well
0:27:11 > 0:27:16# So I disappeared, but my name is revered throughout Wales
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# Who-oh
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# Owain Glyndwr
0:27:24 > 0:27:29# Father of the fight for Welsh power
0:27:30 > 0:27:33# Welsh legend holds
0:27:33 > 0:27:37# That should Wales ever need someone bold
0:27:37 > 0:27:39# I'll rise up to help them
0:27:39 > 0:27:42# Mind you, I'm 600 years old
0:27:48 > 0:27:53# Whoh-oh-oh-oh-oh! #
0:27:54 > 0:27:56# Tall tales, atrocious acts
0:27:56 > 0:27:58# We gave you all the fearsome facts... #
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Can't get enough of Horrible Histories,
0:28:00 > 0:28:03then go to the CBBC Website and click on the link.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06See you there.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08# ..The past is no longer a mystery
0:28:08 > 0:28:13# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #