0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Fighting Frenchmen, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Smashing Saxons, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Romans rotten, rank and ruthless Normans savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Civil wars, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host a drumming rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Horrible Histories presents...
0:01:15 > 0:01:19King John - the story of a family at war,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22and a future king born in the shadow of his older brother,
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Richard the Lionheart.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27SING-SONG: You'll never be king, you'll never be king!
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Stop it!
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Grrr!
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Ridiculed by his father...
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Maybe we should call you John Lack-land! Get it?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Lack-land. Because you lack land!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42HE CACKLES
0:01:42 > 0:01:43It's not even funny, Dad!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48A story of power and betrayal.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51You might be a runty little pipsqueak, eh?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54But at least he would not turn on his own father.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Yeah, the thing is, Dad, I'm sort of siding with the French
0:01:58 > 0:01:59and rebelling against you.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02CHOKING: John! What have you done?
0:02:02 > 0:02:04HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Mum! Dad's dead! Can I be king?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09No. It is your brother Richard's turn.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10So unfair!
0:02:13 > 0:02:18A boy desperate to be king, but thwarted by his elder brother.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19I gave him land in France
0:02:19 > 0:02:22on the condition that he stayed out of England while I'm on Crusade.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- God wills it.- God wills it.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26And did he?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Non! Swooped back into England and started a full-scale rebellion.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Two brothers at war,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34but stuck with each other, in more ways than one.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37He's a cheating, scheming, spineless idiot.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Oui, but he is our cheating, scheming, spineless idiot.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- Where is he?- La.- Hmm?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I'm really sorry, Richard, it won't happen again. I'll do anything!
0:02:47 > 0:02:49So lucky he'll never be king.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57King John, coming to a screen near you. Now.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20You join us here at Westminster Abbey, 1199.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Yes, he finally made it.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25It's the long-awaited coronation of King John,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28an occasion of true dignity and solemnity.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31And as the Archbishop of Canterbury approaches,
0:03:31 > 0:03:35John...appears to be taking off his tunic
0:03:35 > 0:03:37and his undergarments.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Sorry, can I just check something? Am I in the right place?
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Coronation of King John?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44It's just that he's getting almost completely naked.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48They always did that? OK. Weird.
0:03:48 > 0:03:53The new king emerges in some sort of...nappy? Um...
0:03:53 > 0:03:58But doesn't he look magnificent as he finally dons the crown?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01And...
0:04:01 > 0:04:03struggles a bit.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05To be fair, it's made of solid gold.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08And it's been a long day for everyone.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Yes, King John. The man who will shape the nation.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Arrgh! - As soon as he gets up.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Get me out of here.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Yes, when Richard the Lionheart died,
0:04:19 > 0:04:22John finally got his heart's desire and became King.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25He immediately started travelling around the country
0:04:25 > 0:04:26doing what he did best.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Being a right royal pain in the neck.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Hi, I'm King John. I'm an itinerant monarch.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35That means I travel around the country
0:04:35 > 0:04:37ruling from wherever I happen to be at the time.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Being on the road means I've had to learn to survive
0:04:40 > 0:04:42in some pretty extreme circumstances.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44And I'm going to show you how.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Here are the basics for X-treme Survival.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50'X-treme Survival tip one - shelter.'
0:04:50 > 0:04:52You're out in the wilds of England, miles from home,
0:04:52 > 0:04:54you need somewhere to sleep.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Look around you - what do you see?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Moss, leaves, grass -
0:04:58 > 0:05:00nature's sheets and blankets.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02What I like to use is actual sheets and blankets.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05That's why when I'm travelling I bring loads of servants with me,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07to carry all my bedding.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08And my bed.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10But, wait, what if it rains?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Look around you - what do you see?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Trees and bushes
0:05:13 > 0:05:16can provide an effective shield against the elements.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19But what I like to do is send the soldiers I brought with me
0:05:19 > 0:05:21to take over the nearest castle.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23SWORDS CLASH
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Then I can sleep there. That's X-treme Survival!
0:05:29 > 0:05:31You're going to need to bring that.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35'X-treme Survival tip two - health.'
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Phew! Keeping clean out in the wild can be tough.
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Especially when, like me,
0:05:39 > 0:05:41you're used to having a bath nearly twice a month.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44But where are you going to find a bath out here on the open road?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Look around you - what do you see?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Fresh running water.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50It's nature's bathtub.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53But this is my actual bathtub.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55It's much nicer, and it goes everywhere I go.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57My toilet comes too.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- Not now! - SCREAM AND SPLASH
0:05:59 > 0:06:02'Next week on King John's Survival Tips - travelling abroad.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04'How to avoid sea sickness
0:06:04 > 0:06:06'with nothing but two servants to hold your head still.'
0:06:06 > 0:06:09I'm going to go! I'm going to be sick!
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- I'm going! - HE RETCHES
0:06:12 > 0:06:15When John was a young man, busy annoying people,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17over on the other side of the world
0:06:17 > 0:06:21knights and soldiers were busy killing people in the Crusades,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23fighting over who owned the Holy Land.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26But Saladin, the leader of the Muslim forces,
0:06:26 > 0:06:30was a clever, well-respected ruler and a great warrior.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33So, nothing like John, then.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36The Crusaders are headed for Jerusalem,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39but we can deal with them here by the Horns of Hattin.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Kill them! Kill them all!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Patience, my friends. We must be cleverer than that.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47We can attack them in a different way.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50We're in a desert, so ask yourself, what do they need?
0:06:50 > 0:06:51- Good kicking!- No.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- No, no.- A sword through their skull!
0:06:54 > 0:06:55- Kill them all! - Kill them all!
0:06:55 > 0:06:59No, no, no, no. Think about it. Think about it.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03What must they do every day in the desert?
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Kiss a chipmunk?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08No. Not that.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Put it this way, what must we all do?
0:07:10 > 0:07:15What must we all do every day to survive?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18- Go toilet?- Other end.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19- Other end.- Brush their teeth.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21What is this? What is in this?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24- Jug.- Jug.- Water! Water!- Ah!- Water!
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- I totally drink water every day. - So what must we do?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31- Kill them!- Kill them!
0:07:31 > 0:07:35No! No! No! Go back to the water. Think water.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- Drown them!- Drown them all!
0:07:37 > 0:07:41How am I supposed to drown them - in the paddling pool I keep on my camel?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44You can drown in as little as one inch of water. Fact.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Oh, thanks for that! That's really helpful!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49What happens in a desert if you don't drink your water?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52They have nothing to wash their, er, salad in.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- Salad-in! Ha-ha-ha! - He's called Saladin!
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Yeah, his name is Saladin.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59What happens in a desert if you do not drink the water?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- They get thirsty?- Yes.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05And what happens if you still don't drink the water?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- You get the bad skin. - No.- Chappy lips.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10No, past that stage. OK? What happens next?
0:08:10 > 0:08:11You die.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Yes! Boom! One point to idiot number two.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Well done.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Where do they need to go to get their water?
0:08:19 > 0:08:22It begins with a W, ends in an L.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Wall?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Rhymes with bell.- Cello?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- W... W...- When do...?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- W...- Well! - THEY CHEER
0:08:33 > 0:08:35- Well!- Well!
0:08:35 > 0:08:38So, we go to the well, we block their access,
0:08:38 > 0:08:39they cannot drink any water,
0:08:39 > 0:08:41they get weaker and weaker
0:08:41 > 0:08:43until they can barely stand.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47They are about to die, and then we can finally...
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- Kill them all!- Kill them all!
0:08:49 > 0:08:51To the well!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Wait! Wait, wait. Can we just run through it one more time?
0:08:56 > 0:08:57HE GRUNTS
0:08:57 > 0:08:59We go to the well.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03The well is this way.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Saladin was clever, cunning in battle,
0:09:07 > 0:09:09but was also fair to his enemies.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12He once agreed to stop attacking a castle
0:09:12 > 0:09:14because there was a royal wedding going on.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17No, he Sala-didn't!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Yes, he Sala-did! - BOOM-TISH!
0:09:19 > 0:09:22But not everyone in the Crusades was as civilised as Saladin.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Especially not the French knight Raynald de Chatillon.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28He was so nasty, he must have thought
0:09:28 > 0:09:30they were called the Cruel-sades.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Eh? The Cruel-sades!
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Definitely one of history's craziest fools.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38CROWD SHOUTS
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Hi! I'm Mr H, and I feel history, yeah?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49It's a rich tapestry of incredible people
0:09:49 > 0:09:51doing brave and wonderful things.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55But I ain't here to talk about them!
0:09:55 > 0:10:00Now, I like to visit places, see stuff and meet people.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04But in the Middle Ages, people liked to visit places,
0:10:04 > 0:10:07steal stuff, and kill people!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10If that ain't crazy, I don't know what is!
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Meet Raynald of Chatillon. He was a knight, yeah?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Who fought in the Crusades like King John's brother,
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Richard the Lionheart,
0:10:17 > 0:10:18and ended up staying in the Holy Land.
0:10:18 > 0:10:24This guy was bigoted, insensitive, violent, greedy and brutal.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26And those were his good points!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29He used to put boxes on the heads of prisoners.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34And then fire them off the castle walls in a catapult!
0:10:34 > 0:10:35MAN SCREAMS
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Raynald thought the box would keep the prisoner conscious
0:10:38 > 0:10:40while they were in the air.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42That is cold, man.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45And he didn't even lay on an in-flight movie - crazy-nasty fool!
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Man, this crazy fool has left me feeling sad.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52So do me a favour. Until next time, be nice to each other,
0:10:52 > 0:10:54and stay away from stupid, all right?
0:10:57 > 0:11:02POSH VOICE: So her father's a colonel, and her mother's in the WI!
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I know!
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Right, when I was prince,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09I got in some top-notch ruling practice
0:11:09 > 0:11:10by being Lord of Ireland.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15What was the funniest thing about that job?
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Was it:
0:11:31 > 0:11:32It's B.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Of course it's B. The Irish Lords had funny beards.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38I got into so much trouble for pulling their beards.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40They didn't like it. I don't know why.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41No sense of humour, some people.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42I'm a funny guy!
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Yeah, hilarious. King John lived a life of privilege and luxury.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51But medieval life for ordinary people like me
0:11:51 > 0:11:52wasn't always that comfortable.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55In fact, it could be pretty smelly.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Oh!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Please, sir?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Please?
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Wipe your bum, sir?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- What?- May I? Wipe your bum, sir?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Er, no. No, no, I'm fine, thanks.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Oh, come, sir, this is the Middle Ages.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31A fine gentleman like yourself
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- can't be seen to wipe his own bum, now, can he?- Er...
0:12:34 > 0:12:36It's all here in the Book of Civilized Man
0:12:36 > 0:12:38by esteemed poet Daniel of Beccles.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43"If you wish to belch, always look up at the ceiling."
0:12:43 > 0:12:45HE BELCHES
0:12:45 > 0:12:47OK, I'm going.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49- No, wait!- You can stick that hay where the sun don't shine.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51But that's what I was going to do, sir!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- Please!- Oh, all right.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55COIN JINGLES
0:12:55 > 0:12:57BEGGAR LAUGHS
0:12:57 > 0:12:59I don't want your money!
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- No, I want your poo!- What?
0:13:02 > 0:13:07It's been such a cold winter, we've been burning poo to keep warm.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Oooh.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- Ready when you are, sir. - Just one log
0:13:12 > 0:13:13for the fire?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15HE VOMITS
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Sorry.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Well, that's dinner sorted.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33You might think burning poo to keep warm is pretty bad.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Cos it is!
0:13:34 > 0:13:36But across the globe, a ferocious leader
0:13:36 > 0:13:39was making life for people even worse.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41In Mongolia.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45Hello, I'm Jeff Reason, and welcome to Battle of the Day,
0:13:45 > 0:13:47coming live from 13th-century Mongolia
0:13:47 > 0:13:50as we focus on the scourge of the world.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53No, not the disastrous King John in England,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56but the strong wolf himself - Genghis Khan.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02With me, providing expert analysis and plenty of gory details,
0:14:02 > 0:14:03it's Jamie Castle.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Jamie, Genghis has a pretty terrible reputation.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08But come on - is he really that ruthless?
0:14:08 > 0:14:12During his life, Genghis Khan turned most of Asia into a bloodbath.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15What kind of soap would you use in a bloodbath?
0:14:15 > 0:14:16It's not a real bath, Jeff.
0:14:16 > 0:14:21And even if it was, Genghis has made washing punishable by death.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Hold your noses, we're about to hear from the mighty Mongol himself.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Genghis, you're off to do battle with the Chinese today.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29What do you say to accusations that you fight dirty?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32It's true. I do!
0:14:32 > 0:14:36There is no honour in war, only victory or defeat.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Not sure that I agree with you there.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Then I'll kill you!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Thanks, lads, see you later.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51We're about to go to Chris Staycalmer at The Bridge...
0:14:51 > 0:14:53of Human Bodies? Chris?
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Genghis arrives, sees the moat around the enemy fortress,
0:14:57 > 0:15:00and orders all his prisoners to rush into the water
0:15:00 > 0:15:03until their bodies pile up like a bridge.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05A human bridge!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Allowing his army to march right across.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Oh, I've never seen anything it, Jeff.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Ugly. But weirdly effective.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15- Arrgh!- Arrgh!
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- Bit like you, Chris. - Oh, yeah, really mature!
0:15:18 > 0:15:21"Oh, yeah, I'm in the Mongol horde,
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- "look at me, bullying everyone!" - SWORD UNSHEATHS
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- No, I meant... - SHOUTING
0:15:25 > 0:15:29And here's a victorious man who couldn't agree with you more.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Genghis, you've conquered anyone and everyone you could find.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36One of the most brutal warriors in history. It's quite a legacy.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Hang on. How about my religious tolerance,
0:15:38 > 0:15:41or the fact that I outlawed kidnapping women,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44stealing animals and enslaving other Mongols?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47And all you want to do is talk about wars and killing?
0:15:47 > 0:15:49But you have killed quite a lot of people.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Fair point. 40 million is plenty.
0:15:53 > 0:15:5540 million!
0:15:55 > 0:15:56In the 13th century,
0:15:56 > 0:16:00that's nearly 11% of the world's entire population.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Great for the environment, though, Jeff.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Dead people don't produce C02, methane, OR chop down trees.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08He really deserves to be remembered
0:16:08 > 0:16:11as one of the most environmentally friendly rulers of all time.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12PARP!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Methane.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22While Genghis Khan was conquering half the known world,
0:16:22 > 0:16:25back in England, things weren't going well for King John.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27But instead of being nice and trying to make more friends,
0:16:27 > 0:16:31he just kept winding everyone up and being really, really annoying.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38This is John. He's the king of England.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40He's got a lot of expensive gear to shell out for.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Wars, feasts, castles and the like.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Bad news - he's skint.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Good news - he's also the king of cons.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Let's see him do the business.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51My liege.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53'The dodgy war con.'
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Brought my troops. When do we set sail for war on France?
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Yeah...er...really soon.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Er...have you got the cash, or...?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Hang on. You're not going to do that thing again
0:17:05 > 0:17:07where you pretend there's a war on,
0:17:07 > 0:17:09we give you a load of money to help fight it,
0:17:09 > 0:17:11then it turns out there wasn't a war and you just wanted the money?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13As if!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Good. Come on. Here you go.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21OK.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23'Bosh! He's just been had!'
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Thanks. Um...
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Actually, I think we will end the war.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Thanks for your support, though.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Oh!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I can't believe he got me again!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38To be fair, he does it the whole time, you know?
0:17:38 > 0:17:40And we have no choice but to give him what he asks.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42It's bad enough that he lost all our land in France,
0:17:42 > 0:17:44now he's nicking our money!
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Wife's going to be livid.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47See you, guys.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51'Who's this geezer? It's our scammer King John again.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54'We call this one the Lack-land Church Land con.'
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Er, sorry, are you the Bishop?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- Yes, sire.- Good.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Right. Because I'm the King, and I'm confiscating all your lands.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Right. OK.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Don't tell me, you're going to sell them back to me.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Not even close.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I'm going to sell them back to you!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13'Bosh! He's already setting up his next con.'
0:18:14 > 0:18:16I'm going to build a whole new town
0:18:16 > 0:18:19just so that I can charge them for a royal charter.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I'm going to call this con "Liverpool".
0:18:22 > 0:18:23'Bosh!'
0:18:23 > 0:18:26'Warning - some of these hustles may turn your people against you
0:18:26 > 0:18:28'and lead to you losing the crown.'
0:18:29 > 0:18:31It's true.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33King John really did found the area of Liverpool
0:18:33 > 0:18:36as a way to make money out of his people.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40- LIVERPOOL ACCENT:- Whose Merseyside is he on, eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Eventually the barons had had enough of coughing up cash
0:18:43 > 0:18:48for greedy King Johnny and decided to make a list of angry demands.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52The Archbishop of Canterbury agreed to act as a go-between.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55And on June 10th 1215,
0:18:55 > 0:18:59King John and the barons met for two weeks of arguing at Runnymede
0:18:59 > 0:19:04in Surrey to discuss what would become the famous Magna Carta.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06THEY WHISPER
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Your Majesty. We, the Noblemen of England,
0:19:10 > 0:19:12are worried about your continued abuse of power.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14It threatens the future of the realm.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16So we've gathered here, at Runnymede,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18and we've written a list of grievances
0:19:18 > 0:19:21in this document here called The Magna Carta.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Really ticked off, actually.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- Really ticked off.- Big time.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Magnum Carthorse? Whatever.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Got some grievances of my own, actually.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30I think you'll find our grievances are more serious.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- I think you'll find mine are. - I don't think you will, actually.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- I think I will, actually. - I don't think you will, actually.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37- MOUTHS:- I think I will.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39There's only one way to settle this.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40I propose...
0:19:41 > 0:19:44..a grievance battle.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45ALL: Ooh!
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Baron. Hit it!
0:19:50 > 0:19:52HE RAPS: Where to start, which part?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54We got so many grievances we could fill a cart
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Let's start with some facts like tax
0:19:57 > 0:19:59They're so heavy that they're gonna break our backs
0:19:59 > 0:20:01We can't pay, there's no chance
0:20:01 > 0:20:03We lost all our money when you lost France
0:20:03 > 0:20:05The Norman bit anyway.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09Your Majesty, you got boned. Drop some beats, playa!
0:20:09 > 0:20:11- HE RAPS:- I'm confused, is this real?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13I thought I was the king I'm holding his seal
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Kneel to the king I'll see you grovel in the grime
0:20:15 > 0:20:17I'll tax what I like I'll even tax this rhyme
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Barons don't grovel It's time to get real
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Listen to me, dawg or you're gonna feel some steel
0:20:22 > 0:20:23This charter's tight we don't need to fight
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Just hit it with your seal and give us our rights
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Some serious points.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28I ain't finished
0:20:28 > 0:20:30We want a council to represent rich people
0:20:30 > 0:20:32We want a free church with a free steeple
0:20:32 > 0:20:34We want you to stop stealing our sons
0:20:34 > 0:20:36And holding them hostage like you have done
0:20:36 > 0:20:38There's vital stuff here that you've got to give us
0:20:38 > 0:20:40There's also some stuff about fishing in the rivers
0:20:40 > 0:20:42So stop, read what we plead
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Agree the deed in Runnymede
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Do what we ask or we're gonna make you bleed
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Yeah, I hear what you're saying
0:20:49 > 0:20:51If I don't tread gently For my life I will be praying
0:20:51 > 0:20:53So tell me what to do You're the boss
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Though we'll have to do this later cos I'm taking up the cross
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Interesting development. I wonder...
0:20:58 > 0:20:59I'll shut up.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Hang on a minute You must think we're barmy
0:21:01 > 0:21:03While you're talking here you're hiring up an army
0:21:03 > 0:21:06So how about this? Let's barter
0:21:06 > 0:21:08We'll stay loyal if you agree to Magna Carta
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Boom! Boom!
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Whatever, dawg I'll agree your skanky scroll
0:21:12 > 0:21:14I'm tired of this game and it's time for me to roll
0:21:14 > 0:21:16I ain't bothered It don't fill me with sorrow
0:21:16 > 0:21:18No-one will even remember this tomorrow
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Plus I'm besties with the Pope and he'll ignore this ting
0:21:20 > 0:21:22I do things my way cos I'm John and I'm the king
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Boom!
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Oooh!
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Man, this king is phat!
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Harsh!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33So, King John had a right royal grumble,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35but agreed Magna Carta.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Which meant for the first time in history,
0:21:37 > 0:21:41the King had to follow the law like everyone else.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43He couldn't just steal your castle
0:21:43 > 0:21:45and take your cash like he could before.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47If it wasn't for Magna Carta,
0:21:47 > 0:21:50the Queen today would be able to kick you out of your bedroom,
0:21:50 > 0:21:52nick your pocket money and eat your sweets
0:21:52 > 0:21:54just because she felt like it.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Yeah. Not that she would, of course, she's a lovely lady.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02But did Magna Carta finally make King John behave himself?
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Nah!
0:22:03 > 0:22:07He just went straight back to being just as annoying as before.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Still King John. Well, just about.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Having a bit of a tough time with the barons.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17They're trying to replace me with a French prince called Louis.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19But I'm clinging on.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Anyway, they're all obsessed with boring Magna Carta...
0:22:22 > 0:22:24HE YAWNS
0:22:24 > 0:22:25..which is a Latin name.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29But do you know what it means in English?
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Is it:
0:22:42 > 0:22:43The answer is B.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46They call it the Great Charter.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Nothing great about it.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I can tell you, it's just a list that I'M not allowed to do.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Well, stuff that for a game of soldiers. I've got actual soldiers!
0:22:54 > 0:22:55This war is back on
0:22:55 > 0:22:59and no Frenchman is going to steal my throne.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02HE COUGHS
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Not feeling tip-top, to be honest.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06I'm sure that won't stop me.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07GURGLING
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh, dear. Gang way!
0:23:10 > 0:23:14King John might have ignored Magna Carta, but luckily for us,
0:23:14 > 0:23:17from 1215 to 2015, people throughout history
0:23:17 > 0:23:20have realised how important it was.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Who'd have thought so much could be achieved
0:23:22 > 0:23:25by one small piece of paper?
0:23:28 > 0:23:32# Here's the story of a very old decree
0:23:32 > 0:23:35# Forced on King John as he made off with the revenue
0:23:35 > 0:23:39# Of us barons and the aristocracy
0:23:39 > 0:23:42# He took our land and for a lark Held our sons hostage too
0:23:42 > 0:23:44- # Magna Carta- Magna Carta?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46# Told King John he's got to be
0:23:46 > 0:23:50He's got to be subject to law Agree tax with us too
0:23:50 > 0:23:51- # Gave his seal - Gave my seal?!
0:23:51 > 0:23:54# Then withdrew his guarantee
0:23:54 > 0:23:57# Left to Henry III and Edward I to pass it through
0:23:57 > 0:24:01# And I would say 800 years
0:24:01 > 0:24:04# A birthday worth 800 cheers
0:24:04 > 0:24:07# Since 1215 Magna Carta's been
0:24:07 > 0:24:11# The foundation of our democracy
0:24:11 > 0:24:15# By 1500 It reads as all men are free
0:24:15 > 0:24:18# Even peasants just like me can tell kings that is true
0:24:18 > 0:24:23- # For years it vanished Until Edward Cook, MP- That's me!
0:24:23 > 0:24:26# Challenged Charles I as his own powers grew
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- # You'd think that Cromwell - Jolly Ollie- Would agree
0:24:28 > 0:24:30# But instead he said
0:24:30 > 0:24:31# Magna Carta?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33# Magna Farta, more like Not for me
0:24:33 > 0:24:37# I'm Thomas Jefferson and Edward Cook is the bee's knees
0:24:37 > 0:24:40# Our American Constitution incorporated his decrees
0:24:40 > 0:24:44# And I believe 800 years
0:24:44 > 0:24:47# Has proved from ancient pioneers
0:24:47 > 0:24:51# Best British invention of all
0:24:51 > 0:24:55# Apart of course from soccer ball
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- # Magna Carta- Super charter - Magna Carta- It's a part of
0:24:58 > 0:25:02# What you're taught at school
0:25:02 > 0:25:06- # Magna Carta- Just for starters - Magna Carta- Nothing smarter
0:25:06 > 0:25:09# Kings, watch how you rule
0:25:09 > 0:25:13# Eleanor Roosevelt extended
0:25:13 > 0:25:16# This letter to America
0:25:16 > 0:25:21# Here's the story of a very old decree
0:25:21 > 0:25:24# And now enshrined in UN Human Rights since World War II
0:25:24 > 0:25:28# It began as Help for the aristocracy
0:25:28 > 0:25:31# Now it's for you and me and everyone in the world too
0:25:31 > 0:25:35# And I would hope 800 years
0:25:35 > 0:25:38# Of freedom never disappears
0:25:38 > 0:25:42# All hail this simple ancient law
0:25:42 > 0:25:46# May it survive 800 more
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- # Magna Carta- Super charter
0:25:48 > 0:25:50- # Magna Carta- It's a part of
0:25:50 > 0:25:53# What you're taught at school
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- # Magna Carta- Just for starters - Magna Carta- Nothing smarter
0:25:57 > 0:26:02# Magna Carta rules. #
0:26:02 > 0:26:04FIREWORKS POP
0:26:04 > 0:26:08800 years old! That's nearly as old as my gran.
0:26:08 > 0:26:13King John continued to fight his barons until he died in 1216,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16just one year after Magna Carta.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18The barons forgot about Prince Louis
0:26:18 > 0:26:22and John's son, Henry, became King Henry III.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Poor Johnny-boy is now remembered for being a rubbish king,
0:26:25 > 0:26:29and for a document he completely ignored.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31I wonder what he would make of all that.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39# Chatty death, chatty death My grizzly interviews
0:26:39 > 0:26:43# Chatty death, chatty death The dead and famous too! #
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Yeah, they wouldn't even pay for a new tune.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Yeah, same tune, different words.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50What?! Oh, yeah.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Hello, and welcome back to Chatty Death,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56where it's time for our special guest.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01Please go absolutely bonkers for the former king of England, King John!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03SILENCE
0:27:03 > 0:27:05That's going bonkers, is it?
0:27:05 > 0:27:07WIND HOWLS
0:27:07 > 0:27:08So!
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Johnny-bobs, Johnny, Jenny, Johnny, Johnny-bobs!
0:27:11 > 0:27:15A King of England, eh? How did you die? In battle?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17An assassin's blade? Let's get to the bottom of this.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Bad tummy. I had dysentery from eating too many peaches.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23PARP!
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Oh, sorry, yes, that's me. Sorry.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Well, we got to the bottom of it, all right!
0:27:26 > 0:27:27Phew!
0:27:27 > 0:27:31Now, there is one thing people like about you.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33You gave us Magna Carta.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36- Magna what-what?- You know, big bit of paper, you signed it
0:27:36 > 0:27:39to limit your powers and give rights to the barons.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40People still remember that?
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Well, yeah, it sort of became the foundation of democracy.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44No, that was nothing. I just signed it
0:27:44 > 0:27:46to keep the barons quiet for a few weeks.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49I've kept more important pieces of paper next to my toilet.
0:27:49 > 0:27:50Yeah, well, this toilet paper
0:27:50 > 0:27:53is the basis of the Constitution of America.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54Sorry, what's an America?
0:27:54 > 0:27:59You know - cowboys, skyscrapers, hot dogs, Al Pacino!
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Hoo-ha! Al Pacino, "What have you got?"
0:28:02 > 0:28:05No? Oh, take too long to explain.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07I can't believe I was so unpopular.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11Please tell me my brother Richard is hated even more.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13- Er, Richard the Lionheart? - Yeah.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Chivalrous hero of the Crusades?
0:28:15 > 0:28:17I don't believe it! He hardly spent a day in the country,
0:28:17 > 0:28:20bankrupted us with his taxes. Why am I the villain?
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Well, let's put it this way...
0:28:23 > 0:28:24SCREAMING
0:28:24 > 0:28:28Phew! That was getting awks!
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Oh, you liked my Al Pacino, did you? Yeah, I do others.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33"Use the Force, Luke."
0:28:33 > 0:28:38# Chatty death, chatty death Hope next time it's not you! #
0:28:38 > 0:28:39Hoo-hoo!
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Hi, I'm King John and I'm a...
0:28:43 > 0:28:44I'm an itirenant...
0:28:44 > 0:28:46It's very hard to say that!
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Make a shrewd tactical decision involving the pincer movement.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52LAUGHTER
0:28:52 > 0:28:54# The past is no longer a mystery
0:28:54 > 0:28:59# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #