0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Fighting Frenchmen, vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# Smashing Saxons, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:14# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
0:00:14 > 0:00:16# Normans, savage fierce and toothless
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Civil wars, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:22# And your host, a drumming rat
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:27# Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:30# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Horrible Histories presents...
0:00:45 > 0:00:47SINGS:
0:01:13 > 0:01:17When her uncle William IV died in 1837, Victoria became Queen.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Not just of Great Britain and Ireland,
0:01:19 > 0:01:22but of all the countries across the world that Britain also ruled -
0:01:22 > 0:01:24called the British Empire.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28And did you know, she was only 18 years old at the time?!
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Good day!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33My lords, ladies and gentlemen...the Queen.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35FANFARE
0:01:42 > 0:01:45A new age is dawning.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Good start.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48A Victorian age, if you will.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Catchy.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I look forward to an age of industry.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Impressive.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56An age of empire.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Excellent.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02An age where Britain is the greatest power for good in the world.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Global, nice.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I want to hear of great explorations and inventions...
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Innovative.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13..of education, philosophy, arts and medicine.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Marvellous.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20I want our armies and navies to be the envy of the world.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22But mostly...
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I just want, like, an hour to myself.
0:02:24 > 0:02:30Like, seriously... I've not yet been alone my whole life.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32There are people who go to the toilet with me.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33It's, like, totally gross!
0:02:33 > 0:02:35- Gross.- Gross.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Well, I'm in charge and I'm Queen, so they can't say no.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Oh, my, Little Drina has grown up.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Stop calling me Little Drina!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I am Queen Victoria.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Sorry.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51And I don't want to share my bedroom with my mother any more.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53And that's another thing...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- SCREECHES:- I want my own bedroom!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58That's it. Thank you.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Well, everybody's got to start somewhere.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Somebody needs a nap.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Who?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Victoria. - Oh.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Little Drina became Queen Victoria.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15And romance came shortly after,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18when the young Queen met a real-life Prince Charming -
0:03:18 > 0:03:21a German prince called Albert.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Oh, ja, bitte.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25This week in Then Magazine's
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Queen Victoria wedding and honeymoon special...
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Meet the new man in Vicky's life.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31According to her diary,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33the part of Prince Albert
0:03:33 > 0:03:37that Victoria finds most attractive is...
0:03:39 > 0:03:40...his throat.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Not that I've read her diary.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Ogle at our snaps of Albert's naked neck.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49See our exclusive photo story of the loving couple's wedding.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Let your heart melt as Prince Albert sails to England
0:03:52 > 0:03:54to be with his love.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Also, we reveal the story of their honeymoon in Windsor Castle.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01The pictures they don't want you to see.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02She got a headache...
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Er, darling?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Ze art!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08..he got all faint because it was past his bedtime
0:04:08 > 0:04:10and he hadn't had his tea yet.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Argh!
0:04:13 > 0:04:16And they jacked it in after three days
0:04:16 > 0:04:17so Vicky could get back to work.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Also take a peek behind the scenes
0:04:22 > 0:04:24at the newlywed couple's first royal photoshoot.
0:04:25 > 0:04:30OK, your royal highnesses, about to take the photograph now, so...frown!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Read Then Magazine...
0:04:34 > 0:04:36The biz! The goss! The pics!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38The enlightening historical insights!
0:04:41 > 0:04:42HOOTER
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Queen Victoria and Prince Albert became the first royal couple
0:04:46 > 0:04:49to live at Buckingham Palace in the middle of London.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54But unlike today, it wasn't quite the palace of luxury you might expect.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Good day!
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Hi, I'm Queen Victoria
0:04:57 > 0:05:02and I want to show you how the other half lives...like me.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05This is Vicky's Palace Secrets.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Buckingham Palace, in the heart of bustling London.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14This is my favourite drawing room.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15We love it here, don't we, Albert?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- Yeah... - Albert, it's not about you!
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Although there are over 600 rooms here,
0:05:21 > 0:05:23you're never too far from a friend,
0:05:23 > 0:05:27because this place is absolutely infested with rats.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28SQUEAKING Oh, goodness...
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Oh! Albert! What are you like?!
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Ahem...- Every time. Every time!
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Ninny!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Also, the chimneys fill the rooms with smoke,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43so the fires can't be too big, so it's freezing.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Which is perfect, because the cold is good for you.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Isn't that right, Albert?
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Well, er...
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- Albert! - Mm, ah...
0:05:51 > 0:05:56And the bracing atmosphere hasn't put off my esteemed guest,
0:05:56 > 0:05:58the Shah of Persia...
0:05:58 > 0:06:00He's just through here...
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- BLEATING - Have you done it again?
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Shah.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Have you sacrificed another sheep in here? You have, haven't you?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- Shah. Shah. - Oh, you're so weird!
0:06:10 > 0:06:11So weird.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16I adore this room, because it overlooks our beautiful garden,
0:06:16 > 0:06:20which you...can't see because of all the London smog.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22But we must still have the windows open,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25because fresh air is vital for health...
0:06:25 > 0:06:27COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Oh, please excuse the smell.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36The sewage from the bathrooms empties into the courtyard.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Isn't that right, Albert?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Talk about the royal "we"! Ha-ha!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Argh!
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Oh! Oh! Oooh! Oooh!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49And after a long day, in the palace,
0:06:49 > 0:06:52I come to my bedroom to relax.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Ooh! The boy Jones.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57He's always sneaking in and trying to steal my pants!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59That's Victoria's secret.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03They were my lucky pants.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Albert!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- What is it, darling? - Time for your bit.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Oh, danke... Ahem...
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Buckingham Palace is...
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- Oh, sorry, we've run out of time. - SQUEAKING
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Oh, oh, oooh! Oooh...
0:07:17 > 0:07:19I do hope you've enjoyed your visit.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Get up.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Get up...
0:07:22 > 0:07:23SINGS:
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Please, Liebchen, you know I don't like surprises.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44They make me go all giddy.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48But, Albert, my dear angel, it is your birthday.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50What do you think would please you most?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Oh, are you going to put ze heating on?
0:07:53 > 0:07:54- No. - Oh.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Much better than that! I have a painting for you.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Oh, not another obscene one?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Zat picture of the shepherdess you gave me last year...
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Oh, just to think on it, it makes me go light-headed. Oh...
0:08:05 > 0:08:07It was rather good, wasn't it?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10But, Frauchen, you could clearly see her ankles.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Female beauty is a natural thing -
0:08:12 > 0:08:14and you know how I adore the painted form.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Please, please, my little Stollen cake,
0:08:17 > 0:08:21promise me that it won't be another picture of a scantily clad stranger?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24My heart could not take it. Kaput it will go!
0:08:24 > 0:08:25I promise.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- Thank ze heavens. - It is not a stranger.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28It is me!
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Oh! Ich bin ueberwunden.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Victoria, what have you done?!
0:08:33 > 0:08:34It is rather jolly, isn't it?!
0:08:34 > 0:08:39Your hair - unbound! Your shoulders, they are bare!
0:08:39 > 0:08:43Und your neck, on view for the whole world...to see!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Don't look directly at it.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Outrageous! Scandalous!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49And that is not the only surprise
0:08:49 > 0:08:50I have for you.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54Vot next? A watercolour of the housemaid with her wrists showing?
0:08:54 > 0:08:55No, you silly sausage!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58A statue of you as a Greek soldier has arrived.
0:08:58 > 0:09:04Ah, now zat is bound to be a much more sombre and noble piece of art.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Mein Augen! I am scandalised.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Ze high tunic, it reveals my ankles, my knees und...
0:09:12 > 0:09:17one might even catch a glimpse of my...lower thigh!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Oh!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- Oh...- Oh!
0:09:26 > 0:09:31Victoria and Albert were happily married for 20 years
0:09:31 > 0:09:33and had nine children.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Yes, nine! That's a lot of poopy nappies!
0:09:37 > 0:09:40However, Victoria's beloved Albert
0:09:40 > 0:09:43fell ill from a disease called typhoid.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48The doctors couldn't help him and poor Albert died aged just 42.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Queen Victoria took his death very badly
0:09:52 > 0:09:54and mourned him for the rest of her life.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Always dressing in black
0:09:55 > 0:10:00and famously growing more and more grumpy the older she got.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Now, being a doctor in Victoria's time was tricky
0:10:03 > 0:10:07as there were lots of different opinions on how to treat patients.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Let's just say some doctors really weren't afraid
0:10:11 > 0:10:13to get their hands dirty.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Mrs Carver, isn't it?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Yes, is Dr Hannity not available?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Er, he was called away urgently on a very important yoga retreat.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I'm Dr Morgan, a Victorian surgeon. In fact, one of the best.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26A Victorian? That's not a good start.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Oh, shush, Milo, look how smartly dressed he is.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Now, Milo, you need an operation on your leg, correct?
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Yeah.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Excellent. Well, let's get started.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39So tall, isn't he?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Look at me, look at you...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- Hang on, is that blood? - Yes. And pus.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47And, er, possibly blueberries - had some pudding.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48No, that's brains.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51But, as they say, a filthy coat is the sign of a busy surgeon.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53It's the sign of a weirdo! Mum, let's go!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Now Milo, to start off with, I just need to punch you right in the face.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- What?- I need to knock you out for the operation.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Trust me, you don't want to be conscious.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Also, to be honest, it's a little hard
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- to concentrate with people sort of screaming.- If he hits me, I'll sue.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Try and relax.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10These hands would not be caked in blood, pus and, er...
0:11:10 > 0:11:14I think that might be some poo - if I didn't know what I was doing...
0:11:14 > 0:11:16DOOR SLAMS
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I'm so sorry about him.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- SHE SNIFFS - Have you just...?
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Um... No, it's the poo on the jacket.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24Oh!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26PFFRRT That was me.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31Now, great medical progress was made during my reign
0:11:31 > 0:11:34and I was a bit of a pioneer, too.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36What was I the first queen to do?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50The answer is A.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54I gave birth to my eighth child, little Prince Leopold,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56whilst sedated thanks to chloroform.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Of course, if you haven't got anaesthetic to put you to sleep,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03you could always listen to my Prime Minister, William Gladstone,
0:12:03 > 0:12:05talking about politics.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10Terrible man. He dares to have his own opinions?!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12How rude!
0:12:12 > 0:12:17It's true, Victoria was never glad to see Mr Gladstone.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21She was much happier when he was replaced by Benjamin Disraeli,
0:12:21 > 0:12:26who came up with a cunning plan to cheer up moany old Vicky.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Yes, she was Queen of the British Empire,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31but now the British were running India -
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Disraeli made her Empress of India too.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Happy days.
0:12:36 > 0:12:42Well, no. Not really. Victoria remained as grumpy as ever.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45But, surely she might at least visit her new country?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48No, not blooming likely!
0:12:51 > 0:12:52INDIAN MUSIC
0:12:57 > 0:12:59# It's good to be boss and Queen Victoria
0:12:59 > 0:13:02# But what if all the world's other leaders ignore ya?
0:13:02 > 0:13:05# Rule the world's biggest empire But who does that impress
0:13:05 > 0:13:09# When even my own subjects don't know me as Empress?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11# Sort it, Disraeli you're PM in charge
0:13:11 > 0:13:13# I suppose if I had to I could tie it to the Raj
0:13:13 > 0:13:15# The plan, Your Highness Prevent your sense of injure
0:13:15 > 0:13:18# I hereby name you Empress of India
0:13:18 > 0:13:21# Empress of India That'll do me
0:13:21 > 0:13:24# Queen of the Ganges
0:13:24 > 0:13:26# Ruler of Karachi
0:13:26 > 0:13:28# Mother of Madras
0:13:28 > 0:13:30# Commander of Kashmir
0:13:30 > 0:13:32# All I say is...
0:13:32 > 0:13:35# I, I, I, I'm...
0:13:35 > 0:13:37# Staying here!
0:13:45 > 0:13:47# The vast land of India is all very well
0:13:47 > 0:13:49# But there's no place like home I prefer its smell
0:13:49 > 0:13:51# Don't you love Bombay spices
0:13:51 > 0:13:53# And the jewels of Hyderabad?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55# They are shipped to England
0:13:55 > 0:13:57# Go fetch them, I've been mad
0:13:57 > 0:13:59# That Indian famine's no fun for a newcomer
0:13:59 > 0:14:02# Prefer the Isle of Wight for my Indian Summer
0:14:02 > 0:14:04- # Calcutta's very nice - With that I have no quarrel
0:14:04 > 0:14:06# Frankly, Benji, bread's buttered better in Balmoral
0:14:06 > 0:14:08# Empress of India
0:14:08 > 0:14:09# Title sounds good
0:14:09 > 0:14:12# Don't want to go there
0:14:12 > 0:14:14# Maybe you should?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16# Mysore, not sure
0:14:16 > 0:14:18# Won't go to Gujarati
0:14:18 > 0:14:20# That's a shame
0:14:20 > 0:14:23# There-ere-ere-ere's...
0:14:23 > 0:14:25# A fabulous party
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- RAPS: Bagpipers played tunes beyond compare.- Hey!
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- Viceroy announced with guns fired in the air!- Hey!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- The Raj has jumped, gave the elephants a scare.- Hey!
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- Stampeded killing natives, most unfair!- Hey!
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- But the party didn't stop for a bit of blood and gore.- Hey!
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- Thousands of leaders feast a week or more.- Hey!
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- The biggest bally party you ever did see.- Hey!
0:14:43 > 0:14:45There's only one thing that's missing - me!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48# Empress of India
0:14:48 > 0:14:49# Nothing would be finer
0:14:49 > 0:14:52# Own armfuls of Africa
0:14:52 > 0:14:53# And chunks of China
0:14:53 > 0:14:56# Queen of the world
0:14:56 > 0:14:58# Apart from Paris and Rome
0:14:58 > 0:15:00# Can't take her anywhere
0:15:00 > 0:15:03# I, I, I, I...I'm...
0:15:03 > 0:15:06# Staying home! #
0:15:12 > 0:15:1419th-century British India...
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Otherwise known as the Raj.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21A large group of provinces, forced together under British rule.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24And that's a total headache for the authorities.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26For example, how can they tax such a huge area
0:15:26 > 0:15:29with only a small number of tax officials...?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Today, I've come to meet Ranjit,
0:15:36 > 0:15:39a man who's been helping to create a rather interesting solution.
0:15:39 > 0:15:44Ranjit, why don't you explain what's going on?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46We're planting a hedge.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Fascinating.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Can you give us any more details?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55We're planting a massive hedge.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- Right.- It's a massive, massive hedge.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00After several hours of this, Ranjit finally explained
0:16:00 > 0:16:03the British rulers' ambitious solution
0:16:03 > 0:16:07is to build a hedge 2,300 miles long right across India.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10When completed, the hedge will be so thick and thorny
0:16:10 > 0:16:13that people won't be able to get across it.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16The British then plan to build a series of crossing points.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Each one guarded by soldiers and officials.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21People who pass through are taxed on their goods.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I've come back to see Ranjit,
0:16:23 > 0:16:25to find out how the hedge is coming along.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29This hedge is nearly five metres deep and four metres high.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Goodness.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Can you picture a small hedge?
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Yes, I think so.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38Well, this is bigger. It takes 12,000 men to guard it.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Do you know why?
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Because it's a big hedge?
0:16:41 > 0:16:42No.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44It's because it's a massive hedge.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48It's like the Great Wall of China, but with one crucial difference.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51It's a hedge?
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Better believe it!
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Love the hedge!
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Several years and one costume change later, I've come back to see Ranjit
0:17:00 > 0:17:02and find out how the hedge is progressing.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08Ranjit, an advantage of a hedge over a wall is that it grows by itself.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12So, it doesn't need constant rebuilding.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14It needs constant rebuilding.
0:17:14 > 0:17:19The storms blow it down, locals set fire to it, ants eat it.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Hate the hedge.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22I see...
0:17:22 > 0:17:23What about stopping the smugglers?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Hi! - You all right?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Oi! Oi! See, they get past it all the time.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30They, they throw things over it.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32They, they float things past it in the rivers.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35They even get herds of camels to run at it, to break it down.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Still, as a feat of engineering or gardening,
0:17:38 > 0:17:40it really is very impressive.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43It's just a massive hedge.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45It's not even the kind that you can shape into amusing animals.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Look... Yah!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51This is a rabbit. I made a rabbit.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55When I first heard about the plans to create a great hedge of India,
0:17:55 > 0:17:57- I was initially sceptical.- Stupid...!
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Of course, I was right, because I wear glasses.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Hate the hedge! Ah, gotcha!
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Take that, you...
0:18:04 > 0:18:08At the time, Queen Victoria's empire covered nearly a fifth of the world,
0:18:08 > 0:18:11including India, Canada, New Zealand
0:18:11 > 0:18:15and most of Africa - not all of it, she wasn't greedy.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Actually, she was. Britain even ruled Australia,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22where an outlandish outlaw called Ned Kelly
0:18:22 > 0:18:25was causing the police all kinds of problems.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29By being bulletproof. Sounds wild.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Yep, it's time for another one of History's Craziest Fools!
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Sometimes, yeah, there is a fine line between being a hero
0:18:44 > 0:18:47and being as mad as a bag of foxes on roller skates. Yeah?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50And this next fool has got to go down in history
0:18:50 > 0:18:52as one of the most bravest, dangerousest,
0:18:52 > 0:18:56craziest geezers that ever lived - apart from my cousin Brian.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59It's the famous Australian outlaw, Ned Kelly.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02This fool was around in the time of Queen Victoria,
0:19:02 > 0:19:05and he was so crazy I sort of like him, actually.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Don't be an idiot, Ned!
0:19:07 > 0:19:08You're surrounded, mate!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Taking on a whole Victorian police force
0:19:11 > 0:19:15in home-made, bulletproof, body armour. Oh, no!
0:19:15 > 0:19:17You're only making this worse for yourself!
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Fire away! You're not going to hurt me.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Turns out, Ned's legs were not armoured.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25But as Constable James Dwyer's about to find out...
0:19:25 > 0:19:26his underpants were!
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Check it!
0:19:28 > 0:19:29- CLANG! - Ow!
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Metal grundies, mate!
0:19:31 > 0:19:32They say Dwyer hopped about
0:19:32 > 0:19:37like a demented, stricken kangaroo - which is Australian for fool, yeah?
0:19:37 > 0:19:41History has taught us that fools can be well nasty.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45They can be well nice, they can be zeros or even heroes.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49But one thing's for sure, they are all crazy, bruv.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Until next time, stay away from stupid, all right?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57NORMAL VOICE: My grandmother knits them...
0:19:57 > 0:20:01and then I take them to Spitalfields and I sell them for a tenner each.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05The Victorian era was a time of great invention
0:20:05 > 0:20:08and one such brilliant idea was the bicycle.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10It transformed the way people travelled.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Although not everyone thought it was a good idea.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Good day!
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Jemima! Jemima! Wait up, my perfectly formed pot of loveliness.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Oh! A kiss, perhaps, for the only man in your life?
0:20:23 > 0:20:24The only man in the village, more like.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Ah, incoming!
0:20:27 > 0:20:28What is it, Dr Shadwell?
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- I'm a very busy woman. - Oh, well, three things.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32One - will you marry me?
0:20:32 > 0:20:33No.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Mm. Two - will you marry me?
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Er, no!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39And three, you appear to be wearing my trousers - will you marry me?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41- Yes.- Yes, you'll marry me?
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Yes, I'm wearing your trousers.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I stole them from your washing line this morning.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Left you my skirt.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Mm, somewhat strange behaviour, my sweet trifle of desire.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Well, not really. I wanted to ride this bicycle.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54If I wear that skirt I'll take off, like an owl.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Mm, not just any owl, my love.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58The most wondrous of owls with the most kissable of beaks.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59IMITATES AN OWL
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Kissy, kiss, kiss!
0:21:02 > 0:21:05I'm afraid I simply must go, Doctor.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08I'm planning on riding to the next village today.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10The next village? But that's miles away.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13You surely won't make it without... (needing a tinkle.)
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I will with my bicycle.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16But aren't you worried you'll...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Faint? Buckle? Go doolally?
0:21:18 > 0:21:24No. I've read your extensive list of Don'ts For Women Riders.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27"Don't race. Don't coast.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29"Don't criticise other people's legs."
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Hmm...
0:21:30 > 0:21:33"Don't scream if you meet a cow."
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Don't develop bicycle face.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Bicycle face?
0:21:36 > 0:21:37It's a real condition...
0:21:37 > 0:21:40and not something I just made up to stop you from leaving.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43It occurs when ladies like yourself try extra hard not to fall off
0:21:43 > 0:21:44when riding a bike.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Regard.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Bicycle face.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Oh, ridiculous!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50You look like a smashed crab!
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Surely the most dashing of all smashed crabs, my sweet.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54Er, kissy, kiss, kiss.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57No, just the most smashed, with eyes like a bulging frog.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Ooh!
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Ride safe, my love!
0:22:01 > 0:22:02I won't!
0:22:02 > 0:22:04And don't speak to any other men!
0:22:04 > 0:22:05I will!
0:22:05 > 0:22:06And, will you marry me?
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Noooo! BELL RINGS
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Now, I'm not sure why, but there seems to be
0:22:13 > 0:22:18a bit of a craze for this newfangled bicycle thingy.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22The strangest one I've seen has a very big front wheel
0:22:22 > 0:22:25and a much smaller back wheel.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27But do you know what it's called?
0:22:38 > 0:22:42The answer is A, penny farthing.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Apparently, it's because the big wheel and the little wheel
0:22:45 > 0:22:50are very different sizes, just like...pennies and farthings.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56Personally, I prefer a three-wheeled tricycle.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59It's much safer for those of us with queenly stature.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04And, no, I'm not too short for a penny farthing.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07It's the rest of you who are too tall.
0:23:07 > 0:23:12Victoria died in 1901, aged 81 years old,
0:23:12 > 0:23:16and was succeeded by her eldest son, Edward VII.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Yes, she may have been a tiny five foot tall, but at the time of
0:23:19 > 0:23:25her death she had a big stature as the UK's longest-serving monarch. Mm.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28She reigned for a whopping 64 years.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32And in her lifetime there were huge advances, like photography,
0:23:32 > 0:23:34telephones and railways.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Didn't Little Drina come a long, long way?
0:23:41 > 0:23:43# Chatty Death, Chatty Death
0:23:43 > 0:23:45# My grisly interviews
0:23:45 > 0:23:47# Chatty Death, Chatty Death
0:23:47 > 0:23:50# They're dead and famous, too! #
0:23:50 > 0:23:53No, they don't make you look cool, Nigel.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54You're indoors, mate.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Ooh! Welcome back!
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Time for my next guest.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01It's former Queen of the United Kingdom
0:24:01 > 0:24:05and Empress of India, Queen Victoria!
0:24:07 > 0:24:08WIND HOWLS
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Don't mind them, love, they've been dead all week.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14It's a pleasure to meet you, Vicky.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16I must say, I've always been a fan.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Black clothes, grey hair, it's a cool look.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Thank you.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22It's nice to meet someone else making black work for them.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Ooh, you're a charmer!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27If I was alive, my cheeks would be bright red.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31So, Vicky...how would you like to be remembered?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34As the longest reigning monarch in British history,
0:24:34 > 0:24:38in charge of one of the largest empires in the world.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Oops!
0:24:39 > 0:24:42When modern people look at their British empire,
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I want them to think of me.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46(Hashtag awkward.)
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Er, bit of a problem there, love - there isn't one.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- What? - The Empire's gone.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54It's finished. India, Egypt, all of it.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55They run themselves now.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Really? Running it themselves?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Yeah. To be honest,
0:25:00 > 0:25:03you're mostly remembered for being a bit of a misery guts.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06"We are not amused," and all that.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Oh, I only said it once
0:25:09 > 0:25:12and the opera I had just watched was rubbish.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14See? You're always saying it!
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Oh, but I WAS amused at other times.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I was amused by lots of things.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Ooh, like jokes?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Sometimes.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Good...um, er, er...
0:25:24 > 0:25:27What's a corpse's favourite food?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Grave-y!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31CYMBAL CLASH Grave-y!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33That's a good one.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Oh, no, Vicky, it's TOMB much for me.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42Tomb much - get it? Because you're dead, er, in a tomb.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45TOMB much.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Mmm...
0:25:46 > 0:25:49We are not amused.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Oh, yeah? Well, this'll amuse me.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Argh!
0:25:54 > 0:25:55She's got no sense of humour.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57None.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01Big round of applause for Queen Victoria, everyone.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04WIND HOWLS
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Yeah, don't bother. Why change the habit of a lifetime?
0:26:06 > 0:26:08# Chatty Death, Chatty Death
0:26:08 > 0:26:11# Hope next time it's not you! Hoo-hoo!
0:26:13 > 0:26:14# Tall tales, atrocious acts
0:26:14 > 0:26:15# We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:26:15 > 0:26:17# The ugly truth, no glam or glitz
0:26:17 > 0:26:18# We showed you all the juicy bits
0:26:18 > 0:26:21# Gory, ghastly mean and cruel
0:26:21 > 0:26:24# Stuff they don't teach you at school
0:26:24 > 0:26:27# The past is no longer a mystery
0:26:27 > 0:26:28# Hope you enjoyed...
0:26:28 > 0:26:32# Horrible Histories. #