0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians
0:00:03 > 0:00:04# Fighting Frenchmen Vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:05# Woeful wars, ferocious fights
0:00:05 > 0:00:07# Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:08# Horrors that defy description
0:00:08 > 0:00:09# Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Smashing Saxons, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:13# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# Normans, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:16# Civil wars, brainy sages
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host, a drumming rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# Welcome to Horrible Histories. #
0:00:33 > 0:00:38Horrible Histories presents... Wicked William the Conqueror.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27You were standing too close. Looks weird.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Previously on...The Normans.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Normans? You look more like a Viking.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Well, we used to be Vikings!
0:01:37 > 0:01:42Oh, yes, the word Norman comes from "Norse man".
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Well, at least you're not violent and horrible like a Viking.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Me and my big mouth.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Who will succeed Saxon king, Edward the Confessor?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54SNEEZES
0:01:54 > 0:01:56His Saxon brother-in-law, Harold?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59So, had any children yet, Your Majesty?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01I'm far too religious for that.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05Or his French cousin, the Norman Duke, William?
0:02:05 > 0:02:10Edward the Confessor, he has promised me the English throne.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14And just to clarify, then, when you die, I'm going to be king, aren't I?
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Mm.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20Hang on - you said I could be king when you die.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- Mm.- Well, great.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- What?- Eh?- Hmm?- Huh!
0:02:25 > 0:02:26HE GROANS
0:02:26 > 0:02:28HE GROWLS
0:02:28 > 0:02:31So that's that sorted, then.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35The Normans - catch it now.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38So, the Saxon Harold and the Norman William
0:02:38 > 0:02:43both believed they would one day be King of England.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Well, that's going to be awkward.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48And even though they were bitter rivals,
0:02:48 > 0:02:52they still hung out together
0:02:52 > 0:02:54like proper bezzie mates. Well, sort of.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56- Cheers.- There you go, mate.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02So, thank you for helping me out fighting the Duke of Brittany, mate.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Oh, right, yeah, well, you know, whenever you need support, mate.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09I know, mate, you'll be there, mate.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10I'll be there, mate!
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Don't hit me, mate.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17Sorry, I... I just thought cos you...
0:03:19 > 0:03:20I'm messing, mate!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Oh, ho-ho, yeah, of course, mates for life.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Fantastic, mate, because I am going to claim the English throne
0:03:27 > 0:03:30when Edward the Confessor dies, so you support me
0:03:30 > 0:03:34and we're all good! King and mates for life, eh, mate?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Ow.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40Um...yeah, great, yep.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Grr.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Sorry, mate, it's all good, all good.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49So in that case you won't mind swearing on these religious relics?
0:03:49 > 0:03:54- Ah, mate... Not sure... - Come on, mate.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Swear, mate.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02I swear to support you as my best mate.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04And...? Say it, mate.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08And as my king.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I'm messing with you, mate!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Although that is legally binding.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- But we are best mates forever, yes, mate!- Ow! Yes.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Best mates...for now.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I mean, forever.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Harold decided to return home to England,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30where soon after, King Edward the Confessor died.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34And back in France, it wasn't long before news reached William
0:04:34 > 0:04:37that things hadn't quite gone according to his plan.
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Let's find out
0:04:38 > 0:04:40what's new in the world.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Mon Dieu, what is this...?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Edward ze Confessor is dead?
0:04:48 > 0:04:53Oh, brilliant! Zis means that I, William, Duke of Normandy,
0:04:53 > 0:04:57am now King of England, ho-ho!
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Oh, wait a minute.... zis is King Harold?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Zer must be some kind of mistake. No.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09PHONE RINGS
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- (Ask them if they do it in gold.) - Harold.- Hello, mate!
0:05:15 > 0:05:19What is this? Edward the Confessor is dead and you are king?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I confess, it's true!
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Do you get it, Confessor, confess?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Sorry, I've been wanting to do that one all morning.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Yeah, the nobles elected me king, so what can you do?
0:05:30 > 0:05:33It's on ChainmailOnline, so it must be true.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Yes, but, er...
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Eddie promised me that I could be king of England.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Sorry, mate, wish I could talk longer
0:05:40 > 0:05:44but I booked out Westminster Abbey on LastMinuteCoronations.com
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Wish me luck.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Incroyable.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Zis means war.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56PHONE RINGS
0:05:56 > 0:06:00William, to what do I owe the pleasure?
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Ah, your holiness, please forgive me disturbing you,
0:06:04 > 0:06:08but it is super-important that you back my new project on KingStarter.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Who are you attacking this time?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Oh, I must invade England immediately,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15and defeat Harold Godwinson.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19OK, I'll do it right now, via PapalPal.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Merci, your holiness, thank you.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Yes, yes!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29OK, we sail at dawn.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Call the police, there's a badger up my nanas!
0:06:38 > 0:06:39So check it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42A lot of time, history is written down by the people
0:06:42 > 0:06:45who have killed all the other people who might have written it down.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48So it's no surprise that they tend to come out looking pretty good.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Let me tell you, yeah? No fool is perfect!
0:06:51 > 0:06:54William the Conqueror-or.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57He's just arrived in England ready to kick some Saxon butt.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00He wants to make a fierce first impression, yeah?
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Shame he fell over like a massive clumsy fool!
0:07:04 > 0:07:06William the Clown, more like!
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Hey!
0:07:07 > 0:07:11See how easily I grab Harold's lands?
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Pull the other one, Willie! You didn't mean to do that!
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Ha-ha!
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Idiot!
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Mind this thing here.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Hardly anyone remembers that little stumble...
0:07:22 > 0:07:23but I do!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Crazy fools think they can hide in history,
0:07:25 > 0:07:27but they better wake up and apologise!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29I never forget - I'm like an "ephelant".
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Until next time, stay away from stupid, yo!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Yeah, just a bath. With some oils and some salt.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40If you please.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Hello, I'm Jeff Reason, and welcome to Battles of the Day,
0:07:45 > 0:07:50live from 1066 with one of the most famous fights in British history.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52It's big, it's brutal,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55it's bloody, and boy, are we looking forward to it.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58It's the Saxons versus the Normans at the Battle of Hastings.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03Combining tactical analysis with a mix of murder and mayhem,
0:08:03 > 0:08:04it's Jamie Castle.
0:08:04 > 0:08:10So Jamie, 1066. If William defeats Harold today, we'll have a new king.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14That's three in one year - how on earth will they sort all this out?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- They'll kill each other, Jeff. - Exhausting stuff,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19and there's no let-up because Harold is about to face his biggest test -
0:08:19 > 0:08:23this man, William, Duke of Normandy.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Well, at the day, Brian, I'm just trying to get
0:08:26 > 0:08:29what has been promised to me. I'm trying to be reasonable.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31You've been looting, burning and killing
0:08:31 > 0:08:33everything in sight for three days.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35OK, well, that's not VERY reasonable,
0:08:35 > 0:08:38but look, the Pope has given me his seal of approval,
0:08:38 > 0:08:40so I'm just fighting for what is legally mine.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43But with the two armies so evenly matched, the chances
0:08:43 > 0:08:46of either side getting massacred are getting slimmer and slimmer.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- What's the answer, Jamie? - Retreat, Jeff.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Sounds mad, I know, but look at this.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54The Normans pretend to run away and the trick draws the Saxons
0:08:54 > 0:08:57off the higher ground, completely breaking up their defence,
0:08:57 > 0:08:59leaving them open to counterattack from William.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- Who's been killed?- Oh, my word!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04We can confirm that Duke William of Normandy is dead!
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- Oh!- Chris Staycalmer.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08He's not dead, Jeff, but someone said he was,
0:09:08 > 0:09:11and the Normans are retreating for real now.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14It's madness - where are they going to run to, Jeff? France?!
0:09:14 > 0:09:17< Stop! Wait!
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Look! I am alive. And with God's help, I will conquer.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Come back! Come back!
0:09:26 > 0:09:29He'll need more than God's help if they don't come back, Jamie.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31But the Normans have turned back, Jeff.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33William must've talked them round.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35And with the Saxons spread out all over the place,
0:09:35 > 0:09:37the Norman cavalry can really get amongst them now
0:09:37 > 0:09:39and cut them down with ease.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41It's turned into a massacre after all, Jeff.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Especially for Harold Godwinson, who was surrounded by Norman knights
0:09:45 > 0:09:48and hacked to pieces, and definitely not shot in the eye with an arrow.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52- It's an away win for the Normans, Jeff.- Wise words.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- Chop chop chop chop, hack hack hack. - HE LAUGHS
0:09:56 > 0:10:01So it was victory for William at the famous Battle of Hastings,
0:10:01 > 0:10:06earning him the name he's best known by, William the Conqueror.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Time to work it Norman style.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11DANCE MUSIC
0:10:16 > 0:10:20# We Normans are from France It's not where we originated
0:10:20 > 0:10:22# Our accents are weird
0:10:22 > 0:10:23# But we're not sophisticated... # HE BURPS
0:10:23 > 0:10:27# Tough and terrifying We've descended from ze Vikings
0:10:27 > 0:10:30# So is it any wonder We've a natural flair for fighting?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32# Normans over here
0:10:32 > 0:10:34# And you English can't abide us
0:10:34 > 0:10:35# Normans over here
0:10:35 > 0:10:38# Oh, that's cute, you tried to fight us
0:10:38 > 0:10:39# Normans over here
0:10:39 > 0:10:41# We set the north on fire
0:10:41 > 0:10:43# Normans over here
0:10:43 > 0:10:45# The Saxon life, au revoir
0:10:45 > 0:10:52# We build castles, we love horses Our cavalry all armies fear
0:10:52 > 0:10:55# We're great fighters You can hire us
0:10:55 > 0:10:59# But you won't like us And we don't care
0:10:59 > 0:11:05# We've got bad haircuts Off the chainmail that we wear... #
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Zis is Norman style.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09# Chop, chop, chop-chop
0:11:09 > 0:11:11# Riding Norman style
0:11:11 > 0:11:13# Chop, chop, chop-chop
0:11:13 > 0:11:15# Haircut Norman style
0:11:15 > 0:11:17# Chop, chop, chop-chop
0:11:17 > 0:11:18# Hands off Norman style
0:11:18 > 0:11:20# Chop, chop, chop
0:11:20 > 0:11:21# Zis is Norman style
0:11:21 > 0:11:25# I'm William the Conqueror The greatest Norman ever
0:11:25 > 0:11:29# Got delayed invading England Cos of ze bad weather
0:11:29 > 0:11:32# Then chopped up your King Harold And left his mummy crying
0:11:32 > 0:11:36# What do you expect, man? I'm practically a Viking
0:11:36 > 0:11:38# England's rightful heir!
0:11:38 > 0:11:40# So signed Edward ze Confessor
0:11:40 > 0:11:41# England's rightful heir!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43# Forget Harold the usurper
0:11:43 > 0:11:45# England's rightful heir!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47# Zis Norman's gonna rule ya
0:11:47 > 0:11:49# England's rightful heir!
0:11:49 > 0:11:50# Surrender or I'll kill ya
0:11:50 > 0:11:57# We build castles, we love horses Our cavalry, all armies fear
0:11:57 > 0:12:01# We're great fighters You can hire us
0:12:01 > 0:12:04# But you won't like us And we don't care
0:12:04 > 0:12:10# We've got bad haircuts Off the chainmail that we wear... #
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Zis is Norman style.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16# Hey, Saxon ladies
0:12:16 > 0:12:19# Chop, chop, chop-chop
0:12:19 > 0:12:20# Haircuts Norman style
0:12:20 > 0:12:24# Hey, Saxon prisoners
0:12:24 > 0:12:26# Chop, chop, chop-chop
0:12:26 > 0:12:27# Hands off Norman style
0:12:27 > 0:12:31# Hey, check our horses
0:12:31 > 0:12:33# Chop, chop, chop-chop
0:12:33 > 0:12:34# Riding Norman style!
0:12:34 > 0:12:38# Hey, we rule England
0:12:38 > 0:12:41# Chop, chop, chop
0:12:41 > 0:12:43# Norman style. #
0:12:43 > 0:12:47So William had conquered the Saxons by chopping them to bits.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48How very primitive.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50But over the other side of the world,
0:12:50 > 0:12:54they were so advanced, they had ideas and inventions
0:12:54 > 0:12:58that would blow your mind, starting in China.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Let's blow some stuff up!
0:13:02 > 0:13:06This book contains all the important military inventions
0:13:06 > 0:13:10the Chinese knew about nearly 1,000 years ago. Break it down, Shang.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- Well, it's got flame-throwers. - Whoosh!- Firebombs.- Boom!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Poison bombs!- Boom! Bleugh!- Napalm.
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Don't really know what that is.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- Gunpowder.- Bang!
0:13:19 > 0:13:20And it shows how to make an early compass.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Boring! Let's set them all off at the same time.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Awesome! What else is in there?
0:13:32 > 0:13:36There's catapults that hurl bombs, fire ships, arrows that explode...
0:13:36 > 0:13:40Whoo-hoo! Let's blow some more stuff up!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Yeah! Oh, I feel so alive!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49You demonstrate reckless abuse of ancient wisdom.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52All right, Grandad, we're wearing goggles.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Welcome to Amazing Scientists.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01You know, nobody's perfect, so it's no wonder that
0:14:01 > 0:14:04some of our greatest scientists can be a bit odd at times.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08It's only natural. I'm a scientist, and I've got an imaginary friend.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I haven't, really. I'm joking.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13We fell out. He stole my imaginary shoes.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Stop following me!
0:14:15 > 0:14:19Today, I'm meeting Ibn al-Haytham, who's got no weirdness about him
0:14:19 > 0:14:23at all. Ibn al-Haytham was seen as the world's first true scientist.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Hello.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Go on, show 'em how brainy you are.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33Oh, er, I discovered the laws of refraction, and I use them
0:14:33 > 0:14:35to work out the height of the atmosphere.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38This was before the Battle of Hastings. Amazing!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41And, er, I also improved the pinhole camera.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Pinhole camera over 1,000 years ago. Amazing!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48At last, a scientist with no weirdness whatsoever.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49I'm a lemon!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Hey?- I'm a hairy lemon!
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- What are you doing? - Squeezy lemon head!
0:14:56 > 0:14:59It's the Caliph, al-Hakim.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Hello, Caliph!
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I'm a squeezy moon hippo!
0:15:03 > 0:15:08I have to pretend to be mad. I promised the Caliph I'd stop
0:15:08 > 0:15:10the Nile from flooding, but that was before I'd seen it.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14It's massive! I've got no chance!
0:15:14 > 0:15:19Anyway, so now I have to pretend to be mad so he won't kill me.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Banana buttons!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Amazing scientist, honestly.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Blah blah blah blah blah!
0:15:25 > 0:15:28So, after I destroyed the miserable English at the Battle
0:15:28 > 0:15:31of Hastings, what did me and my army do? Hm?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47And ze answer is...
0:15:47 > 0:15:51C. Yes, we had a picnic, of course. We had a lovely carve-up.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54And then we had the picnic.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Fooled you!
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Actually I think, yes, I think I still have some food
0:15:58 > 0:16:01stuck in my teeth, er, so just...
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Oh, yes, just the job.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Wicked William soon got busy bringing the country under
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Norman control, burning stuff down and building loads of castles,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15and to mark his great victory at the Battle of Hastings, work
0:16:15 > 0:16:20began on one of the most famous bits of sewing ever, the Bayeux Tapestry.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Today on Let's Talk About Art, I'm here in the Norman era with
0:16:27 > 0:16:31the nuns who are making the Bayeux Tapestry.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Sister, tell us, what is the Bayeux Tapestry?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37It's a massive picture of the events
0:16:37 > 0:16:41leading up to, during and after the Battle of Hastings.
0:16:41 > 0:16:47Oi! Agnes, use the big needle! Yeah, the big needle!
0:16:47 > 0:16:51And I believe it's going to be 70 metres long.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Yeah, yeah, give or take.
0:16:53 > 0:16:58Oi, Joan, call that a helmet? Sort your threads out, love.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59And who commissioned it?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02I don't know, mate, we just do as we're told.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Although William the Conqueror's brother Odo is shown
0:17:05 > 0:17:06as one of the leaders of the battle
0:17:06 > 0:17:10and he weren't even there, so I'm guessing he might be paying for it.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Oi-oi! Monks going past!
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- Oi, give us a wave! - SHE WOLF-WHISTLES
0:17:16 > 0:17:19So, how is the...
0:17:20 > 0:17:22So, how is a tapestry made?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Tapestry? This is an embroidery, mate.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27So why's it called a tapestry?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Not my department. That'll be the clever helmets upstairs.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33And when will you be stitching the arrow that killed Harold?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- You what, mate?- The arrow. When he was shot in the eye.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Don't know what you're on about.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Harold was hacked to death fighting on the front line.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Arrow in the eye? You've been reading too many books, sunshine.
0:17:43 > 0:17:48Interesting. And I can't help noticing that you are English nuns
0:17:48 > 0:17:53who are working on the tapest... the embroidery for the Normans.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Well, a job's a job, innit?
0:17:55 > 0:17:59And besides, the way we've drawn it, the English actually come out quite
0:17:59 > 0:18:02well. We've added a few bits here and there. They'll never notice.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Don't...don't tell the bosses.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- BELL TOLLS - Monks!
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Oi-oi!
0:18:07 > 0:18:09He's waving at me!
0:18:09 > 0:18:13Oh, no, he was just scratching his bald spot.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Well, there you have it. What a privilege it is to see
0:18:17 > 0:18:22one of the greatest artworks in history actually being constructed.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24What a magical experience.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Oi! Abbot! Give us a wave!
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Please stop doing that.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36- Welcome to... - Welcome to The Great Saxon Bake Off,
0:18:36 > 0:18:40where our Saxon peasant has made some bread.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42How do you know she's a peasant?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Everyone's a peasant to me, Paul.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Now, grubby woman, what do you have here?
0:18:48 > 0:18:53- Well, the thing is, Mary, it's July. - I know, it's glorious, isn't it?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55My hollyhocks are thriving.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Well, the grain ain't ready for harvesting yet,
0:18:57 > 0:18:59and our stores have run out.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03At this time of year, us Saxons have to make do with what we can find.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06It wasn't easy, but I've managed to make...
0:19:06 > 0:19:08this rye bread!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10It looks mouldy.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14The mould's the best bit! I saved that for you special.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16- And is it safe?- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Unless it's got ergot in it. In that case, it'll kill you.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23And, erm, the mould will send you mad.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26But apart from that, it's totes safe. Yeah.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Oh, I have also got this.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Now, this looks more pleasant. Mm!
0:19:34 > 0:19:37HE GIBBERS That'll be the mould.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- Now, what is it?- Oh, it's sort of a rustic seed loaf.- How charming.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- Is it safe?- Hundred per cent, yeah.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Although it has got hemp, poppies
0:19:48 > 0:19:51and darnel seeds from the hedges mixed in with a small amount of
0:19:51 > 0:19:56flour we had left, so on reflection, no, it'll send you mad as a jackdaw.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Well, it tastes fine to me.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00MARY WIBBLES
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Ah, there you go!
0:20:05 > 0:20:07So, am I Star Baker, then?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09I am an avocado.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11I'll take that as a yes.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15After I conquered the English, I nicked all their lands
0:20:15 > 0:20:16and shared it with my barons.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Of course, to make sure there were no English rebellions,
0:20:18 > 0:20:21my barons started building the castles,
0:20:21 > 0:20:24but guess how many were built during my reign.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Yes, the answer is C. We built a motte-and-bailey castle
0:20:38 > 0:20:41almost every two weeks until there were 500 of them.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45William the Conqueror? More like William the Carpenter!
0:20:45 > 0:20:46I'm kidding, of course.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Ze only manual labour I do is ravaging my enemies.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52William was a strong
0:20:52 > 0:20:57and determined king, dedicating his rule to turning Saxon England
0:20:57 > 0:21:01into Norman England so he could pass the crown down to his son.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Turns out invading was the easy bit.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08He had lots of angry Saxons to keep under control.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10You'd think on his death bed,
0:21:10 > 0:21:13surrounded by loyal subjects, he'd at least get some peace.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Nah, not a chance.
0:21:17 > 0:21:23And as a last act, release all those currently in prison.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27A generous gesture, Your Majesty.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30That will be my last great act as...
0:21:30 > 0:21:31HE GROANS
0:21:31 > 0:21:36..William the Conqueror.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43Ze king is dead.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Right, fill your boots.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53BANGING
0:21:59 > 0:22:01What was all that commotion?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06It was merely the wind, sire.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09What was all that about?
0:22:09 > 0:22:12When he dies, there will be a massive power struggle.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14We need to get home and protect our property.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16But you are nicking stuff!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19We need money, and he won't need it where he's going.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Show some respect.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28I'm having the silver.
0:22:57 > 0:23:03Yes, William the Conqueror finally snuffed it in 1087, aged 59,
0:23:03 > 0:23:08and passed the crown of England on to his son William II.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11William the Conqueror had established a new ruling
0:23:11 > 0:23:15dynasty that would change England forever, despite having
0:23:15 > 0:23:20one of the worst haircuts in history. Normazing stuff!
0:23:23 > 0:23:27# Chatty Death, Chatty Death My grisly interviews
0:23:27 > 0:23:32# Chatty Death, Chatty Death They're dead and famous too! #
0:23:32 > 0:23:37..So I said, "I'm sick of flogging a dead horse, literally"!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Because I was.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I've got a hatchback now. Much better.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44Hm?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Oh! Welcome back.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Time for my next guest,
0:23:48 > 0:23:52the first Norman King of England, William the Conqueror!
0:23:54 > 0:23:56SILENCE
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Awkward. There must be a lot of Saxons in.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03So, William the Conqueror, thanks for coming on the show.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Now, I want to keep things jolly,
0:24:06 > 0:24:08so let's talk about your funeral!
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- That was a laugh, wasn't it? - What do you mean?
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Well, you know, I heard it went with a bang!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19I don't know what you're talking about.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22The thing is, your body was so fat and bloated
0:24:22 > 0:24:24and your sarcophagus was so small that
0:24:24 > 0:24:27when they tried to force you into it, your belly exploded!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Boom!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Yeah, it's not that funny when you say it out loud, is it?
0:24:35 > 0:24:36I exploded at my own funeral?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39All right, mate, no sense crying over spilt guts.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41And he's back!
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Never gets old.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Listen, any of you lot planning on a summer holiday?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Because you're all looking a bit pale.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54# Chatty Death, Chatty Death Hope next time it's not you! #
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Hoo-hoo!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58- # Tall tales - # Atrocious acts
0:24:58 > 0:24:59# We gave you all the fearsome facts
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- # The ugly truth - # No glam or glitz
0:25:01 > 0:25:02# We chose you all the juicy bits
0:25:02 > 0:25:05# Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel
0:25:05 > 0:25:07# Stuff they don't teach you at school
0:25:07 > 0:25:10# The past is no longer a mystery
0:25:10 > 0:25:12# Hope you enjoyed...
0:25:12 > 0:25:15# Horrible Histories! #