0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
0:00:03 > 0:00:05# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
0:00:05 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:13 > 0:00:14# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
0:00:14 > 0:00:16# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:19 > 0:00:20# Gory stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:27# Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:32# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Horrible Histories presents...
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Staying fit and healthy has always been important to us humans,
0:00:40 > 0:00:44and one of the best ways to do it is to keep your bits clean.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Ugg.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Are you a caveman using moss to wipe your bum?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Are you a Roman freshening up with a shared poo stick?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- Get out!- Are you the Frenchman who said the best thing to wipe your bum
0:00:57 > 0:00:59with was a goose head?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Come on, it was a joke! I use a cloth.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Who would actually use a goose?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07GOOSE SQUAWKS Shhh!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- Then you need new toilet paper. - What's toilet paper?
0:01:10 > 0:01:11What's toilet paper?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13What is a toilet?
0:01:13 > 0:01:16New toilet paper from China is soft, disposable,
0:01:16 > 0:01:17and mass-produced in sheets.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19FART!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21- That sounds amazing.- Count me in.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- What is a toilet?- Keep your bottom clean and healthy with new toilet
0:01:24 > 0:01:28paper, as used by the Chinese emperor since 1391.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Warning - original Chinese toilet paper,
0:01:30 > 0:01:32smallest size one metre squared.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34How big is the Chinese Emperor's bum?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38It's true. Toilet paper really was
0:01:38 > 0:01:41invented in China nearly 700 years ago.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44We get tonnes of it down here in the sewers.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Frankly, it's not easy to stay
0:01:45 > 0:01:48healthy when you live in a massive bog pipe.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50That's why I'm on a health kick.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Today, I am swimming 100 lengths of the public toilets.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57I'm doing 50 tail squats, and I am running...
0:01:57 > 0:01:58..to the doctors. Because just
0:01:58 > 0:02:01thinking about all that exercise has given me a headache.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Maybe this next treatment could help?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Are you the medicine woman?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Yes, love. What can I do you for?
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I've got a bad pain in this bit.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Your head?
0:02:13 > 0:02:14You're the expert.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Well, for a headache you've got two options - "There, there,"
0:02:17 > 0:02:19or trepanning.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Right. What is, "There, there?"
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Well, I gently pat the sore bit and say, "There, there."
0:02:25 > 0:02:27And what is trepanning?
0:02:27 > 0:02:31I grind this pointy rock into your head, puncturing your skull,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33to let the bad out.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Right, I think I'll go with "There, there."
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Oh, right you are, then.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39KNUCKLES CRACK
0:02:41 > 0:02:43There, there.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- How's that?- It's no different...
0:02:46 > 0:02:48I mean, yeah, it's much better. Thank you.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Are you sure I can't tempt you to a bit of trepanning,
0:02:52 > 0:02:54just to make sure I've got all the bad out?
0:02:54 > 0:02:55No, I'm completely cured.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Goodbye.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- Ow!- Ooh. That looked nasty.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- Pointy rock?- No, no, I'm fine.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Oh, go on, just a little hole.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06It'll hurt even more.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09All right, you big baby, I'll give you an anaesthetic.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- OK.- Right, count backwards from ten for me.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Ten, seven, four...
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Sorry, should have used a bigger dose.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Righty ho, then.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27You should feel right as rain as soon as you come around,
0:03:27 > 0:03:29although you might have a slight headache.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I need trepanning like I need a hole in the head!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Although, come to think of it,
0:03:36 > 0:03:40we Egyptians had some pretty strange theories too.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Especially when it came to being pregnant.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48And how did you find out that you were pregnant?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Just the usual way.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52I had a melon milkshake and threw up.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- ALL:- Aww!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56The milkshake test works every time.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Oh, yes. My husband and I were out for a romantic meal.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03He ordered us both milkshake, and as soon as I saw it,
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I just threw up all over him.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06It just kept coming.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- ALL:- Aww!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Yeah, it was the perfect moment.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I can't wait to tell our son about it when he's born.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14So you know it's a boy?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16You must have done the urine test?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Oh, yeah, of course.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I went and weed in a field, and barley grew, so we know it's a boy.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22- ALL:- Awww!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Actually, do we have to make that
0:04:26 > 0:04:29noise every time? It's really annoying.
0:04:29 > 0:04:35Last time I weed in a field and wheat grew, so I knew it was a girl.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36- ALL: Aww!- Yes, we do.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Right, I am off to wee in a field.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Congratulations! Are you pregnant too?
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Oh, no, no. I just drank far too much milkshake.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54ALL: Awww!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00That sound goes through me quicker than the milkshake!
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Next...
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- Good morning, Doctor. - Please take a seat.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Now, what can I help you with?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I've got a bit of a sore throat.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Well, there's a very simple Mayan cure for it,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17so if you'd just like to pop your sandal off.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21And do a little wee wee in it.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25- Excuse me?- And now drink the wee wee.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Isn't there a herb I could chew or something?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34No, sandal wee wee, twice a day. You'll be better in no time.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Next!
0:05:36 > 0:05:40I'll just drink some water, lots of water.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Hello there, Doctor.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45- Hello.- I've twisted my ankle, and I wondered if you've got a bandage?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Well, we don't actually recommend bandages anymore.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50No, what we have is a more advanced
0:05:50 > 0:05:53treatment that is at the forefront of Myan medical science.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Oh, that sounds great.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57So if you'd just like to pop your sandal off.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Take it off the good ankle.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Off she pops, there you go.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Do a little wee wee in it.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05- Come again?- And then drink it.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09What if that doesn't work?
0:06:09 > 0:06:10It will.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12I think I might get a second opinion.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Do you?- I do.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Good day, Doctor.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Weeing in a sandal.- Some people don't want to be helped, do they?
0:06:21 > 0:06:24What a hectic morning. I have got a banging headache.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I have just the cure for that.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33I am feeling slightly sick, though.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36One cure...
0:06:36 > 0:06:38RETCHING
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Maybe not.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Hello. I'm Richard the Lionheart, King of England.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Wherever that is. I only went once when I was king,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50and I didn't much like it.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Instead, I went on the Third Crusade to the Holy Land.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57But when I got there I got a horrid disease called arnaldia.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58But what did it do to me?
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Did it...
0:07:11 > 0:07:13The answer is...
0:07:13 > 0:07:15B. It made my skin blotchy
0:07:15 > 0:07:17and my hair and fingernails fell out.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20It's true. My hair and nails fell off.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23I mean, my hair, fair enough, but my nails...
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I've never even bitten them.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Don't even suck my thumb.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28Much.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Amazing. I've only been on my fitness drive for three minutes,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35and already I have a six pack...
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Of pies!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40There's a bit of nasty green stuff on the top,
0:07:40 > 0:07:42but you can soon wipe that off.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Ah, yes, cleanliness is very important to me.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47I learned that from the Romans.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49They were very keen on personal hygiene,
0:07:49 > 0:07:52and had a very civilised approach to washing,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55although it could lead to some rather embarrassing moments.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Welcome to Fitness Past...
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Like any young Roman, I like to hang out in baths because it's fun,
0:08:01 > 0:08:04I build up a sweat, and I get to hang out with my friends.
0:08:04 > 0:08:09- Naked.- At Fitness Past you can exercise with your friends, naked.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I like steam rooms because I get to relax, network,
0:08:12 > 0:08:13and chat about current events...
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- Naked.- Can we get a lot more steam in here, please?
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Discuss the news with your friends, and influential people, naked.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Hey, Caesar. How's it hanging?
0:08:23 > 0:08:27You know what? I think I'll come back when it's a bit quieter.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Fitness Past, for people who like to stay fit, naked.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Warning, bring a slave to guard your clothes, or walk home naked too.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Not again!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Ooh...
0:08:38 > 0:08:42It's true. We Romans were obsessed with baths.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46But not everyone in Rome thought keeping clean was a good idea.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49When the Roman Empire became Christian in the 4th century,
0:08:49 > 0:08:53one man claimed that being dirty on the outside, meant being
0:08:53 > 0:08:55clean on the inside.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02# Yo word up brothers and sisters of Rome
0:09:02 > 0:09:04# Got a message from your old mucker St Jerome
0:09:04 > 0:09:06# I'm sayin' Rome's been Christian since the 4th century
0:09:06 > 0:09:09# Takin' a bath that's just so BC
0:09:09 > 0:09:11# Look at me and my posse of Roman bellas
0:09:11 > 0:09:13# This is Leah, this is Paula, and this is Marcella
0:09:13 > 0:09:16# When I met 'em they was real proper Roman Wags
0:09:16 > 0:09:18# Now they stink to high heaven and they're wearing rags
0:09:18 > 0:09:22# It don't matter if your body smells like something obscene
0:09:22 > 0:09:27# If the outside is dirty then the inside is clean
0:09:27 > 0:09:29# That's grime
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- # It ain't no crime - Grime
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- # We're doing fine - That's grime
0:09:33 > 0:09:37# We're doing fine In our own grime
0:09:37 > 0:09:40# I'm a man and a monk and I'm mad as a monkey
0:09:40 > 0:09:43# I don't care if folk'll swear I smell a little bit funky
0:09:43 > 0:09:45# All the guys who are gagging out they won't be laughing
0:09:45 > 0:09:48# When they don't get into heaven for too much barfing
0:09:48 > 0:09:50# Look them pagans all smell lovely there ain't no denying
0:09:50 > 0:09:53# And I guess not washing does increase your danger of dying
0:09:53 > 0:09:56# They got saunas and steam rooms they're healthy and strong
0:09:56 > 0:09:58# But we've got something better bro and that's our pong
0:09:58 > 0:10:00- #- Grime - It ain't no crime
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- #- Grime - We're doing fine
0:10:02 > 0:10:04- #- That's grime - It ain't no crime
0:10:04 > 0:10:06# We're doing fine In our own grime. #
0:10:11 > 0:10:14We Greeks were far more sensible.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17We are seen as the fathers of modern medicine,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19and there was absolutely nothing
0:10:19 > 0:10:22weird about our most famous health nut...
0:10:22 > 0:10:23It's the start of a new week,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26and having been rated epic failure by Ofsted,
0:10:26 > 0:10:28headteacher Hannah Lawrence
0:10:28 > 0:10:30is looking to make some changes.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33This is Historical Educating.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Monday morning, and class 7F have a new biology teacher.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41- Hypocrites?- It's pronounced Hippocrates, mate.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43The father of medicine.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Mr Hippocrates has come all the way from ancient Greece,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48and I think he wants to make learning fun.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51He's told me he's going to bring some humour into the lessons.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53What's that, sir?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Humour. Four humours, to be precise.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Blood, yellow stomach bile,
0:10:59 > 0:11:02black stomach bile,
0:11:02 > 0:11:06and, of course, my personal favourite...
0:11:06 > 0:11:08HE COUGHS AND SPITS
0:11:08 > 0:11:10..phlegm.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Now, a good doctor always diagnoses
0:11:13 > 0:11:16by investigating the bodily symptoms.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19POP
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Turgid, oily, and with a hint of wee,
0:11:25 > 0:11:30which is fascinating, children, because that means his ear wax is...
0:11:30 > 0:11:32delicious.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34PUPILS VOMITING
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I saved a bit for you.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40B minus.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Mr Hippocrates is called to the headteacher's office.
0:11:44 > 0:11:49You look a bit peaky, Headteacher. Tell me, have you done a wee today?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Because I have.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Hippocrates, I hear you made an entire class vomit.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Indeed. Most productive.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- You're fired.- What?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I'm the father of medicine.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Yes, well, it's been 2,000 years, and medicine has moved on.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Not true. Doctors still swear my Hippocratic oath today.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Yes, we've had several parents complain...
0:12:10 > 0:12:13No, no, no, it's not that kind of swearing.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14It's a code of conduct for doctors,
0:12:14 > 0:12:18and my method for curing sore bottoms is still in use today.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- Really?- Yes.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Do you mind turning the cameras off for a moment?
0:12:25 > 0:12:26The thing is...
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Whatever you say, Mr Hippo Crates, or Rhino Boxes,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32or whatever you're called.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37Now, I'm off for a healthy swim in the local pool -
0:12:37 > 0:12:38the cesspool!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Yes, swimming is a great way to stay healthy,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43but did you know that after the Roman Empire was destroyed,
0:12:43 > 0:12:48people actually forgot how to do it for over 600 years?
0:12:48 > 0:12:49It wasn't until Tudor times
0:12:49 > 0:12:53that a new book led to swimming becoming common again.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Oh, look, there's a couple of brown noodles I can use!
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Gentlemen, this voyage will make rich men of us all.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Yes!
0:13:04 > 0:13:08But only if we make it back home in one piece.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11With that in mind, the captain has instructed me, as first mate,
0:13:11 > 0:13:14to give you a health and safety briefing.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17You are absolutely joking me!
0:13:17 > 0:13:22As you have noticed, gentlemen, we are on a...
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- On a high!- On a ship!
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Yes. And what is the most dangerous thing that can happen to us
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- when we're on a ship?- Disease?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- No.- Spaniards!
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Low-flying albatrosses!
0:13:34 > 0:13:37No, pretty sure that only happened to you.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42No, no, the most dangerous thing that can happen on a ship is...
0:13:44 > 0:13:46..falling off a ship. Because what happens if you do?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- You...- Float.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49No, the other one.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50- Drown.- Well done.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- You do drown.- Good boy.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57But not any more, because now we have this brand-new book,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59The Art Of Swimming.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Right, the first one we are going to do is...
0:14:04 > 0:14:06..breaststroke.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Watch my hands. What am I doing?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13All right, I think we've got that one.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Doggy paddle.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Very simple...
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Ruff!
0:14:20 > 0:14:22OK.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Butterfly.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Enough of this.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Shipmates! We're overloaded. Let's throw something overboard.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41No, no running on deck! It's slippery!
0:14:41 > 0:14:42SPLASH!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Help! Throw me something to cling to!
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Ouch!
0:14:48 > 0:14:49It doesn't float!
0:14:49 > 0:14:51That's ironic.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I'm a handsome doctor.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01And I've come to 17th-century France to meet the famous King Louis XIV
0:15:01 > 0:15:04at his royal palace in Versailles.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06A tiny king with a big problem.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Excusez-moi, monsieur, who are you calling tiny?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11No, no, I am, how you would say?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13A big man. With this wig and these heels
0:15:13 > 0:15:17I must be at least six foot eight.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19See how I tower over everyone in my court.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Why are you wearing wigs and heels too?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Why must everyone copy me?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- ALL:- Why must everyone copy me?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31I'm assuming the problem is your bad breath.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- No.- Your funky body odour?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Monsieur, I have had three baths in my life, that is quite enough,
0:15:36 > 0:15:39thank you very much. No, the problem is...
0:15:39 > 0:15:40HE SHOUTS
0:15:40 > 0:15:43ALL MIMIC HIS SHOUT
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Now, the King suffers from what we doctors call
0:15:46 > 0:15:48a really, really, sore bum bum.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53Luckily, help is at hand from local hairdresser Charles-Francois Felix.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57He's been developing a tool for months now
0:15:57 > 0:16:00to remove that ouchy part from the King's bottom.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Whoa!
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Best of luck, I'm right behind you, mate.- Merci.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I mean, we're all right behind you.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15You don't mind if we watch, do you?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20HE YOWLS
0:16:20 > 0:16:22THEY MIMIC YOWLING
0:16:22 > 0:16:24CONTINUED YOWLING
0:16:24 > 0:16:26It's a few days after the operation,
0:16:26 > 0:16:28and I've come to see how Louis is getting on.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Ahhh.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Bum bum and throne engaged.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38So the operation was a complete success
0:16:38 > 0:16:43and has changed the face - and the bum bum - of surgery for ever.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46And the best part is, no-one will want to copy me this time.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Well, you say that, but...
0:16:49 > 0:16:54No, no! I will not operate on your bottoms, you bunch of weirdos.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Please! I want to look like the King!
0:17:01 > 0:17:03PHONE RINGING
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Horrible Histories Health Direct, Tudor era.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10OK, so shave what's left of your hair off,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13then smear your head with fox grease,
0:17:13 > 0:17:14and maybe a hint of garlic.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17And then just rinse it all off with vinegar.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Now, if that doesn't cure your baldness...
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Chocolate!
0:17:22 > 0:17:25My Mayan colleague is suggesting chocolate,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28but then, he says that for everything! Maybe try...
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Chocolate!- ..wearing a wig. OK, you're welcome, bye.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Horrible Histories Health Direct,
0:17:34 > 0:17:35you've come through to the medieval era,
0:17:35 > 0:17:38what is the nature of your medical complaint?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I'm assuming it's the Black Death, - it usually is in the Middle Ages.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47Have you considered rubbing some scorpion oil on to the sores?
0:17:49 > 0:17:52All right, fine, no, I don't suppose there are
0:17:52 > 0:17:54many scorpions scuttling around in Barnsley.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56OK, fine.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I suppose you can have a second opinion.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00A sensible one.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Pass him over, I know all about it.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03Transferring you now.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Yeah, Black Death?
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Poor thing. Don't you worry - we had a nasty dose of Black Death
0:18:09 > 0:18:11in the Tudor times too.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13What I'm going to need you to do, my love,
0:18:13 > 0:18:15is press a chicken's bum against your armpits,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17could you do that for me?
0:18:17 > 0:18:18That's it, against the swellings, yeah.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20It will help absorb the poison.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24That's what I said, a chicken's bum.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26A plucked chicken's bum.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28What do you mean you don't have one?
0:18:28 > 0:18:32What about the skull of an executed man?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35WHISPERS: I am not suggesting chocolate!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37No, stronger cure for Black Death.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Oh, we might have a winner here, hold on.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Well, my brother is a Mayan doctor,
0:18:43 > 0:18:47and he suggests do a big old wee-wee in a sandal, and then drink it.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54OK, have you tried chocolate?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Chocolate!
0:18:56 > 0:19:00We Georgians weren't the cleanest of people. It was a bit of a problem,
0:19:00 > 0:19:02because we did like to look good too.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Luckily, we had some rather fashionable quick-fix solutions
0:19:05 > 0:19:07to make ourselves look better again.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Oh, a beauty spot!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Delightful.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Oh, darling, they're so beautiful.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16The way they sparkle.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18They look so expensive.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21You are worth every centime, my cherie.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Bonjour.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Bonjour. Bonjour. I would like to buy something
0:19:28 > 0:19:32to celebrate my love for this lovely little lady just here.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35And what could be more romantic than a new pair of teeth?
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Indeed, indeed.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38The gift that keeps on chewing.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41May I?
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Be my guest.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Ghastly stench.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Rotten. Oh! I've got a loose one.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- Shall I...?- Oh, no, no, not just yet.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Suit yourself.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00Right, for you, madame, I recommend a full set.
0:20:00 > 0:20:05we have everything from your budget French peasant set,
0:20:05 > 0:20:09all the way up to these genuine British teeth,
0:20:09 > 0:20:11pulled at the Battle of Waterloo.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13They're awfully big.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17All right, you've got me, they might be slightly
0:20:17 > 0:20:20from a horse. What about these ones?
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Oh, they might have been the Duke of Wellington's teeth.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Oh, yeah, yeah, possibly.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29He didn't die at the Battle of Waterloo,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31but I think you should buy them.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32For eight times the price.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Eight times the price, you heard the teeth.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36What are YOU wearing?
0:20:38 > 0:20:39These are special ones.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42They belonged to my dear old mum.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that she passed.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Oh, no, she hasn't, I'm just
0:20:46 > 0:20:49more front of house, you know, so we swapped.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Bonjour!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Actually, they've never fitted her.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Come here, Mum, give them to me.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Here we go, oh, yes.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Make me an offer.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Would you prefer a ring, my love?
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Absolutely.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Meanwhile, over in the US of A,
0:21:08 > 0:21:11we had our own health crazes, and believe me,
0:21:11 > 0:21:13some of them were pretty weird.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Although, there is one that you still eat today.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Yes, you can thank us for the humble cornflake.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Oh, hi, friends.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25I'm John Harvey Kellogg,
0:21:25 > 0:21:28inventor of the world's most healthy
0:21:28 > 0:21:30and calming food - the cornflake.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34If this crazy century is leaving you in a tizzy whizzy,
0:21:34 > 0:21:39what with the aeroplanes, the cars, and the women being educated,
0:21:39 > 0:21:44then why not come and rest a spell, here at the sanitarium?
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Here at Battle Creek we believe in the simple things in life -
0:21:48 > 0:21:51praying, cornflakes, vegetarianism,
0:21:51 > 0:21:56cornflakes, and never, ever thinking about ladies.
0:21:56 > 0:22:01Ladies! Oh, cornflakes, I meant cornflakes.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Here we follow three principles of health.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Number one, exercise.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Number two, cornflakes.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11And number three, enemas.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13What?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15That's right - enemas.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19We start each day with a pint of plain, dull, natural yoghurt.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21You eat half of it...
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Oh!
0:22:22 > 0:22:25..and stick the other half up your bum bum.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26With a pipe.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28It's good for you.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31- Good for me?- Yeah, it's got good germs and stuff.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32I don't know!
0:22:34 > 0:22:35I'm getting a little anxious.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38OK, just eat some more cornflakes.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40OK, nurse!
0:22:40 > 0:22:42POP!
0:22:44 > 0:22:50Battle Creek sanitarium - exercise, relaxation, cornflakes,
0:22:50 > 0:22:54and putting yoghurt up your bum.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Yes, we Victorians really felt like
0:22:56 > 0:22:58we'd got to the bottom of staying healthy.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02But if I'm honest, not all of them were completely successful.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06In fact, some of them might be considered quite dangerous.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07Good day.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Welcome to QVC, the Queen Victoria Channel,
0:23:12 > 0:23:17for our round-up of the hottest new products from The Great Exhibition.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Now, what have you got me wearing today, Constance?
0:23:20 > 0:23:22It's a corset, Verity.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Oh, yawn, so last season.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26It's actually very much this season.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30- It's electrical. - Electrical? How's that?
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Electricity occurs naturally
0:23:31 > 0:23:34in a whole range of new health-giving products,
0:23:34 > 0:23:37ready to buy for the canny Victorian consumer.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40When I was struggling to put this on this morning,
0:23:40 > 0:23:43you hooked it up to that battery, didn't you?
0:23:46 > 0:23:50What Verity is demonstrating is designed to strengthen the chest.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I can't see!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56- How does it feel?- Shocking!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59We've also got this hairbrush...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01That's more like it.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Oh, why me?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08You just don't get these results with a normal hairbrush.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14I think that's all we've got time for on today's...
0:24:14 > 0:24:17You're forgetting our lovely jewellery.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Please, don't tell me...
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Oh, gosh!
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Now, there are only a few of these remaining, so you have to be quick.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Don't tell me people are actually buying these?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29No, they've mostly caught fire.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Can someone grab the electrical fire extinguisher, please?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Eight...
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Nine...
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- WHISPER:- Rattus!- 100.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46And 99.
0:24:48 > 0:24:511,000.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55That's it - I'm as fit as a flea.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57And I should know, I've got plenty of them.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00From trepanning, electric hairbrushes,
0:25:00 > 0:25:04and the thousands of other weird and wacky ideas about health,
0:25:04 > 0:25:06it was these next three huge discoveries
0:25:06 > 0:25:10that really changed the world we live in today.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12The amazing work of Edward Jenner,
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Louis Pasteur, and Alexander Fleming
0:25:15 > 0:25:18saved more lives than anything else in history.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21You might not like having your injections,
0:25:21 > 0:25:25but they protect you from lots of nasty illnesses and infections.
0:25:25 > 0:25:30Thanks to them, we now all live longer, healthier lives.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31Take it away, boys.
0:25:31 > 0:25:37# I'm Edward Jenner and I was told
0:25:37 > 0:25:44# Mates who got cowpox once never had another episode
0:25:44 > 0:25:50# So I-I-I injected James Phipps with a strain
0:25:50 > 0:25:52# He didn't catch smallpox
0:25:52 > 0:25:56# He was as right as rain
0:25:57 > 0:26:01# I gave him inoculations
0:26:01 > 0:26:04# Despite some protestation
0:26:04 > 0:26:07# It was the first vaccination
0:26:07 > 0:26:10# Led to his rehabilitation
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- # Inoculation - Imagine my elation
0:26:13 > 0:26:16- # Medication - At my creation
0:26:16 > 0:26:20- # And so my vaccination - Vaccination
0:26:20 > 0:26:23# Led to experimentation... #
0:26:23 > 0:26:25By me!
0:26:25 > 0:26:29# Louis Pasteur, if you please
0:26:29 > 0:26:32# Thought if that worked Surely you can vaccinate
0:26:32 > 0:26:35# Against all disease?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38# So I
0:26:38 > 0:26:41# Injected cholera into a hen
0:26:41 > 0:26:43# Turns out I was right
0:26:43 > 0:26:47# It lived to lay eggs again
0:26:49 > 0:26:52# I gave him immunisation
0:26:52 > 0:26:55# It was a made-up inoculation
0:26:55 > 0:26:59- # Bit like my vaccination - Vaccination
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- # But with a modification - Modification
0:27:02 > 0:27:04# Turns out this application
0:27:04 > 0:27:08# Was a critical transformation
0:27:08 > 0:27:11# It was a combination
0:27:11 > 0:27:14# Of scientific dedication...
0:27:18 > 0:27:20# Alexander Fleming
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# I invented penicillin
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# Accidentally
0:27:26 > 0:27:29# Like all the best discoveries
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- # Him- And him- And me
0:27:32 > 0:27:35# Saved more lives than anyone in history
0:27:35 > 0:27:38# End disease that's killing
0:27:38 > 0:27:41# With vaccinations and penicillin!
0:27:41 > 0:27:45- # We gave you vaccination - Good, good, good, vaccination
0:27:45 > 0:27:48- # Penicillin and immunisation - Immunisation
0:27:48 > 0:27:51- # We gave you vaccination - Good, good, good, vaccination
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- # Penicillin and immunisation - Vaccination
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- # We gave you vaccination - Good, good, good vaccination
0:27:57 > 0:28:01- # Penicillin and immunisation - Immunisation
0:28:01 > 0:28:04- # We left a world that's cheerier - Vaccination
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# By dealing with bad bacteria. #
0:28:21 > 0:28:23# The past is no longer a mystery
0:28:23 > 0:28:24# Hope you enjoyed
0:28:24 > 0:28:28# Horrible Histories. #