0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians, slimy Stuarts,
0:00:03 > 0:00:04# Vile Victorians, Woeful wars,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Ferocious fights, Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:13# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:27# Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Horrible Histories presents Atrocious Artists.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Art has constantly changed throughout history.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42In the Middle Ages, it wasn't always the most realistic,
0:00:42 > 0:00:45but then 600 years ago in Italy,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48everything changed in an explosion of creativity
0:00:48 > 0:00:50called the Renaissance.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54And it produced some pretty bodacious artists.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Give me the bag.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Give me the bag, lady, give me the bag.- Help!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- VOICE IN THE DISTANCE:- You leave that old lady alone, punk.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Who said that?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Leonardo.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Michelangelo.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Donatello.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Raph...
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Raphael.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20ALL: And we are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Renaissance Artists.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Yes, we are.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Quick, ninja him.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26No, we don't actually have any ninja skills.
0:01:26 > 0:01:32But we do have some pretty cowabunga artistic skills.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Raphael, paint a fresco so beautiful
0:01:35 > 0:01:37it will stop the thief in his tracks.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I'm on it, dude.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Take this!
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Good luck resisting Raphael's captivating use
0:01:49 > 0:01:55of all the available colours of his time, including powdered gold.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57That's not helping.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Give him a ninja chop.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Nice work. Michelangelo,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04quick, paint on the ceiling like you did in the Sistine Chapel.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07An artwork of that scale is sure to render him breathless.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14Radical idea, dude. I'm a-feeling paint-a-licious.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Oh, no, it's a really high ceiling and I didn't bring my ladder
0:02:18 > 0:02:20or my scaffolding.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22This thief is one step ahead of us.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Come on, give him a ninja kick.
0:02:24 > 0:02:29Oh, I could confuse him with an awesome portrait.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35Is the Mona Lisa smiling or sad?
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Smiling or sad?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Don't you guys have any ninja weapons?
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Good idea, old lady. Quick, Donatello, sculpt a ninja star.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Should be done in about three days, two, if I bodge it.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53You guys are useless.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57He's getting away!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00That bag had all my groceries in it.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02I just bought a pizza.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- Pizza?- Mamma Mia.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08ALL SHOUTING IN ITALIAN
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Ratabunga!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Hang on! Where are all the paintings of rats?
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Well, that's it.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I'm going to paint a portrait of the greatest,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25most handsomest rat in history.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Me.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Now, it needs to be a masterpiece,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33so I'd better get some tips from history's greatest artists
0:03:33 > 0:03:37and where better to start than the beginning?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I wonder what it would have been like to see a painting
0:03:40 > 0:03:42for the very first time.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- Oi!- Oh!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55I'm so glad I saw your profile.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57I knew we had to meet.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Wonderful, yeah. Oh, now look.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02This, this is fascinating.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Um, you probably haven't seen this but I have.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08It's a new type of expression called art.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- Ah.- Art.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Ah.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Art.- Ah.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Close enough.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22Before now, everything made by us has a practical use,
0:04:22 > 0:04:23so spears were used for hunting.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Oh! Oh, God, so realistic.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Or for, you know, gathering food.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Food, yum, I love food.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Such a foodie.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Um, that's paint made from charcoal and beetle's blood.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I mean, this is art for art's sake.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45For the first time, the nascent human is crying out,
0:04:45 > 0:04:47- "look at me, I exist, I'm here." - Where?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Look, Laura, I'm really sorry but I think this date was a bad idea.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I mean, we're clearly not on the same, um...
0:04:59 > 0:05:00..level.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Anyway, it's, it's been nice.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Oh, another exuberant work.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10I'm going to check out the rest of his stuff.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Oh, no, actually that one's a warning sign.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Beware of the sabre toothed tig...
0:05:14 > 0:05:17GROWLING AND SCREAMING
0:05:20 > 0:05:24Hello, I'm Swill Gumbitz and welcome to a special
0:05:24 > 0:05:26HH News cultural report.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Greek statues - beautiful, elegant, but where do they come from?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32I've narrowed it down to Greece,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34which is why I've come to ancient Greece itself
0:05:34 > 0:05:37to see the statues of the great sculptor, Phidias,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40as they were originally intended to be seen.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Their pale white form...
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Oi, stop that, you vandal!
0:05:44 > 0:05:45What? Where?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Phidias's art can be enjoyed across the world,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52but it seems even his work in ancient Greece itself
0:05:52 > 0:05:55is not safe from vandals. You, sir, are a hooligan.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- No, I'm not, I'm an Athenian. - No, I mean...
0:05:57 > 0:06:01What, what, what on earth is going on?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03This idiot is painting bright colours
0:06:03 > 0:06:05all over these beautiful statues.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- It'll take weeks to wash it off. - Stop it.- What are you doing?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Greek statues are supposed to be painted.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- I don't think they are.- They are.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- I don't think they are.- They are. - I don't think they are.- They are.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Don't think they are.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20They are! I'm an ancient Greek. Trust me, I know.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23But the museums of the future are full of lovely plain white ones.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Well, then the paint must have faded or some idiot's washed it off.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28A Hoolahan, like you.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- Hooligan.- See, he admits it.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Ah. So, if these are meant to be painted, then you're, um...
0:06:35 > 0:06:38..Phidias. Can I just say what an honour it is to have met you?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40No.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43So, there you have it. Painting was in fact all the rage in ancient
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Greece, so what better way for me to sign off than having a go myself.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50I'm Swill Gumbitz, goodbye.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Can you tell which one's mine?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59It's just after dinner in medieval Europe and all over the continent
0:06:59 > 0:07:02people are settling down to enjoy a bit of art together.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Is that little one baby Jesus?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Is it baby Jesus?!
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Who else are Mary and Joseph going to be carting around?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12It doesn't look like a baby though, does it?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Look at the size of its head. It looks like a tiny bloke.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18This week, an Italian artist is about to change the way people view
0:07:18 > 0:07:20paintings forever.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Oh, man.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23This is Giottobox.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28It's coming right out the painting.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30It's coming at us.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31It's so real.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32It's more real than your hair.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33Oh, shut up.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36It's true.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39The artist Giotto used the new technique of perspective to make
0:07:39 > 0:07:41his pictures look 3-D and lifelike.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- Look at that. - Oh, careful, Steve. Wow.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49It's amazing, innit?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51- What's going on there?- It's like 3D, innit?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53It's like I'm actually inside the picture.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Which one are you, the donkey?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Giotto was also one of the first artists to make the people in his
0:08:00 > 0:08:02paintings look more realistic.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Eh, what's the matter, Mum?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06I feel for him.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08It's emotional, like.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Are you crying too, Dad?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- No, I've just got something in my eye, all reet?- All reet.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17I'll turn it over, see what's on the other side.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26That's better.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Giotto really did change art forever with his realistic paintings
0:08:31 > 0:08:33but as pictures became more real,
0:08:33 > 0:08:37artists found they had to be very careful with what they painted.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39You know, the rude bits.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Mind you, what was considered rude wasn't necessarily
0:08:42 > 0:08:44what you might expect.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Madame Le Brun.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55Oh, monsieur, you have come to see my painting. Et voila!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58My dear, you seem to have made a mistake.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04- Where?- What is that there in between your nose and your chin?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06It is my mouth.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08I'm not stupid.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I mean inside your mouth, those white rectangular things.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Those are my teeth.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15SCREAMS IN SHOCK
0:09:15 > 0:09:19A person of good breeding does not show her teeth to the world.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21The world is not ready for teeth.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Well, why, why not?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Because it is not done.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Teeth are supposed to be covered,
0:09:27 > 0:09:31like a table with a cloth or a bottom with knickers.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Stop with the glove thing!
0:09:34 > 0:09:38It is me with my little daughter and so I smiled.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42No, no, no, no! Smiling in a portrait is not respectable.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Here, look.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Look at this disreputable character.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Would you have him singing to you?
0:09:53 > 0:09:55He would sing and then try and eat you.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- Ay!- Look at this.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- This man is smiling so big his head is falling off.- Ay!
0:10:03 > 0:10:07This lady is showing her teeth and talking to an owl.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Do you talk to owls, Madame?
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- No, I...- Do you want your head to fall off or turn all the way around?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- I don't.- Do you want to be eaten by a man with a lute?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- No!- Then don't show your teeth.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21You look crazy.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I think that you may be wrong.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27I think that in future many more people will smile
0:10:27 > 0:10:28in their portraits.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29I do not agree.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Why ever not, monsieur?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Ay!
0:10:34 > 0:10:35SHE GAGS
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Oh, hello, I am Frida Kahlo, the famous Mexican artist.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I'm just doing a self-portrait.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Many of the world's great painters paint themselves once or twice,
0:10:47 > 0:10:52but tell me, how many times did I paint myself?
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Is it:
0:11:00 > 0:11:04The answer is C, 55 times.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Oh, there, that one is finished.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Now, what shall I paint next?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Oh, who am I kidding?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Me again. OK.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25Hi, I'm Turner prize-winning Chris Ofili and I like to experiment
0:11:25 > 0:11:28using a load of different materials for my paintings.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32My most famous paintings use real elephant poo.
0:11:32 > 0:11:37So, my top tip for you is when your art materials are being delivered...
0:11:39 > 0:11:41ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:11:41 > 0:11:43..careful where you stand.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Oh, that's quite nice.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Oh, Nelly!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:11:50 > 0:11:54It's true. Chris Ofili really does paint with poo.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56It's plop art!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00But I'm after something more traditional.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Maybe I should look at other famous painters.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06There was one artist in Georgian times who painted
0:12:06 > 0:12:09so many celebrities that he became a celebrity himself.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16I love it, baby. It's fantastic.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21OK, give me sassy.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24That's it, a girl's just walked in and she's got a bigger hat than you.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26What is she thinking?
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Yeah. Yeah. That's it.
0:12:30 > 0:12:35OMG, Joshua Reynolds is like the hottest painter in London right now.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36I'm not even looking. Not even looking.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39We have queued for hours.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42All the Duchesses and generals are having their pictures done by him.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- Yah.- Hide and seek.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Everyone hide, hide, hide.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Five, six, seven, eight...
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Right, you've got to hide.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52He's painting everyone.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Even Admiral Nelson's girlfriend, Emma Hamilton.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Admiral Nelson's in the Navy or something.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59No, no, it's too masculine.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Way too masculine. I want something innocent, coquettish.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Yeah, different angle. Try the left hand. Yeah, that's it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05That's it, yeah.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Exactly. Canvas adores you, by the way.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Oh, canvas doesn't like you any more.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- #portraitgirls.- #totallyagree.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17#pouttocamera.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19That's really helpful.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Just having a little trouble with that profile.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24I'm so cheeky.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26I love you, hate you, love you, hate you!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29It's brilliant, it's brilliant, fantastic. Let's take five.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Hola, I am famous artist Pablo Picasso
0:13:34 > 0:13:38- and I don't take cash with me anywhere.- I beg your pardon, Sir?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41That is because I pay for everything with Masterpiece.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49With Masterpiece, I don't have to pay for anything.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52That is because drawings by me are simply priceless.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Your tip.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Hi, I'm Salvador Dali and I don't even need to draw a picture.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08My signature is so valuable no-one ever cashes in my checks. Kerching.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Because there are some things in life that being a famous artist
0:14:12 > 0:14:15can't buy, but for everything else, there's Masterpiece.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21We prefer cash, if it's all the same.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Warning, Masterpiece does not work for mime artists.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Mime is not money. Terms and conditions apply.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33Paintings by famous artists like those two can be worth millions,
0:14:33 > 0:14:37so there is no surprise that plenty have been stolen throughout history
0:14:37 > 0:14:40and in the case of one particular painting,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43a lot more than once or twice.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44SMASH! CAT YELPS
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Oh, I've no idea how that got there.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Hi, I'm Sandy Hole,
0:14:52 > 0:14:54I am chief of security for the gallery
0:14:54 > 0:14:57and in particular for our star exhibit,
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn III.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- What?! Someone's taken the painting. - ALARM BLARES
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Cut! Take two, The Security Guards.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11I'm Sandy Hole and I am chief of security for the gallery and in
0:15:11 > 0:15:14particular for our star exhibit,
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn,
0:15:16 > 0:15:19which was recently found in a lost luggage department in Germany
0:15:19 > 0:15:21after it was stolen...
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- ALARM BLARES - Cut.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- It's gone again. - Take three, The Security Guards.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Sandy Hole, chief of security for the gallery.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35I am responsible for the security of Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn,
0:15:35 > 0:15:39which was recently returned to us anonymously after it was stolen
0:15:39 > 0:15:40for the second time.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- ALARM BLARES - Cut.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44We found it on the back of someone's bike.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Take four, The Security Guards.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Hello, I'm Sandy Hole,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49I am chief of security for the gallery
0:15:49 > 0:15:52and Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn, which I think,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54if it's stolen one more time, will make it the most stolen
0:15:54 > 0:15:57old master in history. But that' not going to...
0:15:57 > 0:15:58- ALARM BLARES - Cut.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Found under a graveyard bench in Streatham.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- I'm not kidding.- Take five.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Hi, I'm Sandy Hole and if you'd like to steal Rembrandt's Jacob de Gheyn,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10just take it. Do what you like.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13It's fine. The one on the wall's a fake.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Should have done this years ago.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16The real one's in here.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Cut!
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- SIRENS WAILING - I don't know why I bother.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Hello, I am famous artist Vincent van Gogh
0:16:31 > 0:16:34and here I am painting sunflowers.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Again.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39Sunflowers. What can I say, I like sunflowers.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Also, I have a lot of yellow paint to use up.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44But, hey, don't knock it.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47One day in the future, my paintings will be worth millions.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50One day. One day.
0:16:50 > 0:16:56But, tell me this, how many paintings did I sell in my lifetime?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Was it:
0:17:04 > 0:17:06The answer is B, I sold a couple of paintings.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08I don't know where this rumour started
0:17:08 > 0:17:09that I only sold one painting.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14I sold a few, swapped a few, lent a few, was commissioned for a few.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17OK, so it wasn't a lot, but it was a few.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Not my fault if people don't recognise my genius.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Or maybe they just don't like sunflowers.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29Van Gogh's sunflower pictures are now worth tens of millions
0:17:29 > 0:17:33but this new style of painting, called Impressionism, well,
0:17:33 > 0:17:36it wasn't always appreciated during his lifetime.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Not like me. When people see my self portrait,
0:17:38 > 0:17:41they'll be throwing money at it.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43And probably rotten fruit, too.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45And maybe furniture.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I'll be honest, it still needs some work.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51The problem is there are so many new and unusual styles of art
0:17:51 > 0:17:54that it's hard to know which one to choose.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Hey, imagine if you could get all the famous artists in one place,
0:17:58 > 0:18:02so you could compare them. Hey, they could take an art class together.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07OK, everyone, for this week's art class,
0:18:07 > 0:18:12I asked you to think about light and shade, and remember,
0:18:12 > 0:18:14paint what you see.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18OK, Pablo Picasso, what's going on here, matey?
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Nada. I am painting what I see.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24In that case, probably time to visit the opticians.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Idiota!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29HE SHOUTS IN SPANISH
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Ah, Rembrandt.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34That's more like it.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35But what did I ask you to paint?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Er, the model.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41And what have you actually painted?
0:18:41 > 0:18:44You've painted yourself, just like you did last week
0:18:44 > 0:18:46and the week before and the week before that.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- I find myself fascinating. - Well, I'm glad someone does.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Put it this way, you're no oil painting.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Try again. Give me that mirror.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I thought you people wanted to be artists.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00I mean, look at this one, it's a nightmare.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Mr Munch, what on earth made you think that...
0:19:03 > 0:19:05All right, it's not that bad.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09Aha, now, this is real talent.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Rene Magritte, formidable.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Oh, well, it's not quite finished yet.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18What's that for? We did fruit last week.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I am interested in what we cannot see.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Here's what I cannot see - you being a decent painter.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26I mean, how big do you think apples are, mate?
0:19:26 > 0:19:27- It's a cooking apple. - Dear, oh, dear.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34Barbara Hepworth, Babs, you've not even put a canvas on here.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36What are you up to?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39It's a sculpture. Go on, pat it.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40- I'm not going to pat it.- Pat it.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41I'm not going to pat it.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Right, sorry to say this, but basically you're all rubbish
0:19:44 > 0:19:46and I wouldn't trust you to paint my skirting boards.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Go on, clear off, class dismissed.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Not again. I've told you before, Banksy, not on the walls!
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Banksy is a famous graffiti artist but he does it in secret so no-one
0:20:01 > 0:20:02knows who he is.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07Mind you, Banksy's not nearly as messy as this next famous painter,
0:20:07 > 0:20:10whose unusual splatter style caused a bit of a stir.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Oh, Mr Pollock, Jackson Pollock.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Yeah, who wants to know?
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Hi, I'm Sherman Nathaniel III. Oh, you have paint on your hands, sure.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I'm your biggest fan and I just love the whole expressionistic
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- abstractism thing. - Abstract Expressionism.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30That's what I said.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33And anyway, as you know, you're all the rage in town
0:20:33 > 0:20:35and I'd just love to buy one of your paintings.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Like this.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39It is just... Well, it's wonderful.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41You know, it's breathtaking, it's...
0:20:41 > 0:20:43It's not for sale.
0:20:43 > 0:20:48- I already sold it.- Good, good, I am glad about that because...
0:20:48 > 0:20:50I actually prefer this one.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Oh, it's just genius.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53I just spilt paint on the floor.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Obviously I was joking, because I can spot one of your paintings
0:20:56 > 0:20:58a mile off. And, oh, you spilt it on the canvas as well, buddy.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I mean, good luck getting that off.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- That's one of my paintings. - That's my favourite one.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Yeah. Where's the next one?
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Well, where do you think?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Whoa, hello!
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- This is the best one yet.- My neighbour's daughter painted that.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14- She should be ashamed.- She's three.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17She's a little terror and she's taken all these paints
0:21:17 > 0:21:18and spilt them up there as well.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- You must be livid.- No, no, cos that's one of my paintings.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23- I will buy it for 1 million. - It's not for sale to you.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25In fact, nothing is for sale to you.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26- You can get out.- Whoa.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- Ah, I'm sorry.- Are you kidding?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32My shoes are original Jackson Pollocks now.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36Thank you, Mr Pollock. I am going to be the toast of the town.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37THUNDER RUMBLES
0:21:37 > 0:21:38It's raining outside.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Is there any chance I could borrow an umbrella?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41- Get out.- Sure.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Jackson Pollock's paintings were one of the new styles
0:21:46 > 0:21:49that emerged during the 20th century,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51along with movements like pop art
0:21:51 > 0:21:54and surrealism, which involved taking everyday objects
0:21:54 > 0:21:58and making them look weird.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Yeah, really weird.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06And sometimes the painters were as weird as their paintings.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Like the painter of this one, Salvador Dali.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13It's a new term and headteacher Hannah Lawrence is doing her best to
0:22:13 > 0:22:16improve school standards, which are currently so low they will have to
0:22:16 > 0:22:17improve just to get rock-bottom.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Welcome to Historical Educating.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23It's Monday morning and class 7F need a new teacher.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25We needed a supply teacher last minute
0:22:25 > 0:22:27and Mr Dali's CV came through.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Well, I say CV,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33it's actually a box of cauliflowers.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35But apparently that's called surrealism.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Greengrocery, that's what I call it.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40There really wasn't anyone else.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Good morning, everyone. My name is Dali.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- ALL:- Morning, Mr Dali.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Now, I like my surroundings to be perfect.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50You two, drag in the bath.
0:23:01 > 0:23:07Today's lesson is titled The Genius Of Salvador Dali.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08PHONE RINGS
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Sorry, sir, that's my phone. - That is not a phone.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13This is a phone.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16What's the matter? You pulled a mussel.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Good for you.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19I could teach you about art,
0:23:19 > 0:23:23but it would be pointless as none of you is a genius like me.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26You don't seem like a genius, sir, you seem like a weirdo.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31And you, little girl, seem like an ignoramus.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my anteater for a walk.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Weirdo, indeed!
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Mr Dali has been called in to see the headteacher.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Mr Dali, I'm a little concerned about what you've...
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Sorry, what are you wearing?
0:23:45 > 0:23:46Help me.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56I was just trying to convey how I exist
0:23:56 > 0:23:58at the bottom of a sea of dreams.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Mr Dali, I'm afraid your teaching methods are much too peculiar
0:24:01 > 0:24:05for the children here. I'm sorry, but it's time for you to leave.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Tell me, have you seen my anteater?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Get out.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Coming, Snowball, walkies.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23I'm world-famous pop artist Andy Warhol.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Now, I've mixed with some of the greatest artists of the 20th century
0:24:26 > 0:24:29and if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's...
0:24:31 > 0:24:34..always wear green pants.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Seriously. It's what I do.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I only wear green pants.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Fabulous. I mean, normally I buy them green,
0:24:42 > 0:24:44but this pair I just haven't washed for a while.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Hmm, mouldy pants.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Strangely comforting.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Top tip, Mr Warhol.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01OK, it's finally finished, and from cave art to the Renaissance to
0:25:01 > 0:25:05surrealism, I've used them all in my masterpiece,
0:25:05 > 0:25:09in a new style I call post-rodentism.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Or, as one critic called it, rubbish.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I'm thinking of titling it the Moaning Cheese-a.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18The Moaning Cheesea!
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Suit yourself. OK, can I start the bidding at 1.5 billion?
0:25:21 > 0:25:25No? OK, 1.4 billion.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28No? How about a quid?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31No, it looks like I've got a long way to go to match
0:25:31 > 0:25:34this last incredible painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36It hangs in the Louvre Museum in Paris
0:25:36 > 0:25:40and it's probably the most famous piece of art of all time
0:25:40 > 0:25:44and it's got a pretty mysterious history, too.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Over to you, Mona.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Or is it Lisa?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52# Hello?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55# It's-a-me
0:25:55 > 0:25:59# The most famousest painting in history
0:26:00 > 0:26:03# Ten million see me every year
0:26:03 > 0:26:07# Not hanging in the loo but in the Louvre here
0:26:07 > 0:26:12# Hello, it's me, from the other side of that you see
0:26:12 > 0:26:15# I'm Lisa Gherardini who posed for this
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# My husband wants a portrait of his missus
0:26:18 > 0:26:22# I modelled at the start then the story gets shady
0:26:22 > 0:26:25# Under her is painted another Mona Lady
0:26:25 > 0:26:28# Is this picture me? Or someone like me?
0:26:28 > 0:26:29# Is this Lisa, me-sa?
0:26:29 > 0:26:32# It's a mystery Though my husband was the owner
0:26:32 > 0:26:38# Was there another Mona? No-one knows the real history
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# Hello, it's me
0:26:40 > 0:26:44# I'm the one they call 'The Code' da Vinci
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# Not just an artist I'm a procrastinator
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# If you don't know what that means then I will tell you later
0:26:50 > 0:26:52# Hello, Raphael
0:26:52 > 0:26:56# My student's got to copy this and make a sale
0:26:56 > 0:26:59# This painting is incredibly profound
0:26:59 > 0:27:02# Please stop, those eyes are following me around
0:27:02 > 0:27:05# Her enigmatic smile a visual delight
0:27:05 > 0:27:08# You think so? No, still not quite right
0:27:08 > 0:27:11# The picture's not good enough for someone like me
0:27:11 > 0:27:14# For 15 years those hands have been bothering me
0:27:14 > 0:27:18# My legacy will last I may be great, but I'm not fast
0:27:18 > 0:27:21# And you wonder why I lived in poverty?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25# Patience! One day this great work of art
0:27:25 > 0:27:28# Will hang in the bedroom of Bonaparte
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# Most expensive pic of all you'd better believe it
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# People gonna vandalise forge and steal it
0:27:34 > 0:27:37# If I wanted it back what must I bid?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39# I'm said to be worth one-and-a-half billion quid! #
0:27:39 > 0:27:41What?!
0:27:41 > 0:27:43# Then I was stolen cos someone liked me
0:27:43 > 0:27:46# That was when I gained notoriety
0:27:46 > 0:27:49# Peaceful life ain't being attacked by red paint
0:27:49 > 0:27:52# Now bulletproof glass protects me. #
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Is that little one baby Jesus?
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Is it baby Jesus?!
0:28:00 > 0:28:01Who else are Mary and Joseph
0:28:01 > 0:28:03going to be carting around?
0:28:03 > 0:28:04HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
0:28:04 > 0:28:07LAUGHTER
0:28:07 > 0:28:09# The past is no longer a mystery
0:28:09 > 0:28:14# Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. #