0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians, Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
0:00:12 > 0:00:13# Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Gory stories, we do that
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# And your host, a talking rat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# The past is no longer a mystery
0:00:26 > 0:00:27# Welcome to...
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# Horrible Histories. #
0:00:33 > 0:00:38Horrible Histories presents... Staggering Storytellers!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41From the dawn of time,
0:00:41 > 0:00:45mankind has been fascinated by the power of stories.
0:00:47 > 0:00:54In time of mighty warrior, one man hunt for food.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- WHISPERING:- I'm so sorry. So sorry.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58- Ow!- Thank you.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Sorry.- Ssh!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Him brave man.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Big spear!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Why's he talking like that?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Him run over by mammoth.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Sorry, don't know why I'm talking like that.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- He was run over by a mammoth.- Oh.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Oh, here you go.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- What? I asked for a large. - It's all they had left.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24In time of hunger, one man fight mighty bison!
0:01:24 > 0:01:25BISON NOISE
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Hey, isn't that that same stick man that we saw in the other one,
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- you know, about the tiger? Oh, what was his name? Um...- Not sure.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35No, Um. That's his name.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Oh, OK.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Him fight many more animal. Antelope.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41ANTELOPE CALLS THEY GASP
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Wild boar.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43BOAR GRUNTS
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Wolf!
0:01:44 > 0:01:45WOLF HOWLS
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Action montage!
0:01:46 > 0:01:50ANIMALS ROAR AND GROWL
0:01:55 > 0:01:57The special effects are amazing.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59It's CGI - Cave Generated Imagery.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Spear!
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Blood!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Animal fall off cliff.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10The end.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Still showing Bison Chase Two - This Time It Personal.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Plus, Ice Age.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Oh, what's that about?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21No, actual Ice Age.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Cave shut for ages.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Well, at least we'll save money on the baby-sitter.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Yes, it's true!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30People used to tell stories using pictures,
0:02:30 > 0:02:35long before they had written words. Probably mostly about hunting.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Now, even I can hunt. But can I write a great story?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Something about a brave, handsome rat...
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Hm...
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Maybe, if I meet some famous writers, I can get some tips!
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Ow, ow, ow!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Not THOSE kinds of tips, you...Neanderthal!
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Hello.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04I'm well-known writer DH Lawrence.
0:03:04 > 0:03:09I wrote important novels, including Women In Love and The Rainbow.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12But when I'm struggling to think of something to write,
0:03:12 > 0:03:14I climb a mulberry tree.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Naked.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Oh!- Morning!
0:03:18 > 0:03:20SQUEAKING
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Bonus tip, check for squirrels BEFORE you take your clothes off.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Oh!
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Friendly fellow.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Welcome to The Great Storytellers Bake Off.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Our bakers are all children's authors,
0:03:33 > 0:03:35so today's Showstopper Challenge
0:03:35 > 0:03:38is to create a feast for a birthday party.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Hello. Now. Who are you?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Dahl. Roald Dahl.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47And I'm concocting nish nobblers and snozcumbers,
0:03:47 > 0:03:50with a splendiferous fudge mallow delight.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Plus edible teacups.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Sounds a bit basic, don't you think, Mary?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- We'll see.- Yeah, we will.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I'm Enid Blyton.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I shall be making sardine sandwiches with ginger pop
0:04:07 > 0:04:09and lashings of boiled eggs -
0:04:09 > 0:04:11every child's absolute favourite meal.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- And what about a cake? - Oh, they won't have time for cake.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17They'll be off having adventures and chasing smugglers!
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Well, sounds a bit risky, don't you think, Mary?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Chasing smugglers?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24No. The sardines and boiled eggs!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Hope it's not a sleepover.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27HE LAUGHS
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Gas Mark ten. Oof!
0:04:29 > 0:04:31THEY LAUGH
0:04:35 > 0:04:37And our third contestant is...
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Lewis Carroll.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40And I will be making a drink
0:04:40 > 0:04:41that makes you smaller,
0:04:41 > 0:04:43and a cake that makes you bigger.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Don't all cakes make you bigger?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Well, you should know.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48SHE LAUGHS
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- On your marks, get set, bake! - On your marks, get set, bake!
0:05:04 > 0:05:08It's time to see how our contestants have got on.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12First up, bestselling author Roald Dahl.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14A spaghetti cake?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21It's a bit, er, wriggly.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22Yes, it's worm spaghetti.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25It's raw in the middle!
0:05:25 > 0:05:26I rather like it.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Hello.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32And next, we have Enid Blyton.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34The end.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Now. Enid.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38I think I'll try one of your...
0:05:38 > 0:05:40ooh, edible teacups!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44MARY SPLUTTERS
0:05:44 > 0:05:46HE was the one with the edible teacups.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Scrum-diddly-umptious!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52And lastly, author of Alice in Wonderland,
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Lewis Carroll.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Behold!
0:05:55 > 0:05:59The greatest party food ever created.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02"Drink me!" OK.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06HE GASPS
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Oh, I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking!
0:06:08 > 0:06:10How will I ever get big again?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Maybe I should have one of these biscuits?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18You haven't baked anything, have you?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20No. I haven't, no.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Judging is the hardest part of the show.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29But I suppose this week's Star Baker is...
0:06:30 > 0:06:36..ro...ee...oo...lee...oo...
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Enid!
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Oh, hurrah and huzzah! Jolly good effort, I say.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43And the holidays have only just begun!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Here's to many more adventures in our secret tent.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Is it possible for someone to be Star Baker,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- AND be sent home?- Yes.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Did anyone see my cake wriggle past?
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Oh, hello again!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Roald Dahl here. Now.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01I wrote lots of wonder-fabulous books for children.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04But what was my job when I was a boy?
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Did I work as...
0:07:12 > 0:07:14The answer is...
0:07:14 > 0:07:16A! I worked as a taster for a chocolate factory.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18And I can still do it. Watch.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24See? Now, I can tell, just from one tiny bite,
0:07:24 > 0:07:26that I'm going to eat the entire thing.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29ELEPHANTS TRUMPET
0:07:29 > 0:07:31On with my story. Oh, no,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35I've forgotten my quill! Excuse I.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36SQUAWKING
0:07:36 > 0:07:39You've got a whole bottomful, I only want one!
0:07:39 > 0:07:42There we are. Now.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45The best stories often have an important meaning.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Hm. Maybe I could learn something
0:07:48 > 0:07:51from this famous Indian storyteller.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56I have brought a great wise man to teach you
0:07:56 > 0:07:58with the power of his stories.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Welcome, the great Vishnu Sharma.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04'Sup, kids?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Storyteller in da house,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10whoop, whoop! Woo!
0:08:10 > 0:08:13You like animal stories, yeah?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Who likes turtles?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Sweet!
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Well, this turtle wants to move, yeah?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23So he gets a stick in his mouth
0:08:23 > 0:08:27and two herons either side to fly him to the new gaff.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32The herons tell him to keep his mouth shut or he'll fall, get me?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35And he opens his mouth to say, "OK!"
0:08:35 > 0:08:36And BAM!
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Serious shellshock for Mr Turtle.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41HE LAUGHS
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Yeah, so!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45What's the moral there, guys?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- Never trust a heron?- No.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- Turtles talk too much?- No.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- Never bite a stick?- No.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55It's, "Always listen to the advice of friends." Yeah?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Why not just say that?
0:08:57 > 0:09:03Because you'll remember it better through the magic of stories! So...
0:09:03 > 0:09:05once there was a king with a pet monkey.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08And the monkey protected the king while he slept.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Then one day, as he was sleeping,
0:09:10 > 0:09:13a fly landed on his chest. Yeah?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15And the monkey, like, attacked the fly with a sword
0:09:15 > 0:09:17and killed the king!
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Moral me up!- Well, that one's easy.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- ALL:- Don't give swords to monkeys.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25No!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27It's, "A foolish friend can cause you more harm than your enemy."
0:09:27 > 0:09:31- And never employ a monkey as bodyguard.- No!
0:09:31 > 0:09:35So we SHOULD get a monkey bodyguard? I told you, Dad!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38All right, yeah, yeah, I'll look into it.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39But I'm not arming him!
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Yeah, I got that from your story.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44No, you did... That's not...
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Oh, you know what. Just forget it.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48You can teach yourselves.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Could the monkey have a shield?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53That's just what I was thinking.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Hello. I'm very serious writer George Eliot.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03My advice for women writers
0:10:03 > 0:10:07in Victorian times is, "if you want to be taken seriously,
0:10:07 > 0:10:09"pretend to be a man."
0:10:09 > 0:10:12George! You coming to the boxing?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- GRUFF VOICE:- I wouldn't miss it for the world, mate.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16That's what I did.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18I even changed my name.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21My real name is Mary Ann Evans.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- GRUFF VOICE: - I'll be with you in a minute, lads.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I've just got to pop to the ladies.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I-I mean gents.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31I've got a massive thunder trump brewing!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33You see? I'm a very convincing man.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- SHE FARTS REPEATEDLY - Oh.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I think that last part's coming true.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45Now, back to my story. I think I'm going to write a comedy.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48It's funny when other people fall over or get bonked on the head.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Ow!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53I said OTHER people.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Now, you know they didn't even have comedy stories
0:10:57 > 0:11:01until the ancient Greek playwright Aristophanes invented them?
0:11:01 > 0:11:05Up to then, it had been tragedies all the way.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07HE LAUGHS
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Maestro, you sent for me?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12We actors await your new tragedy with bated breath.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Well, actually, Larocles, I thought I'd try something...
0:11:16 > 0:11:18a little bit different for this play.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I'm calling it "comedy".
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Co-ma-dy?
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Have a look at this. This is a joke.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31What do you get if you cross an Athenian with a Spartan?
0:11:31 > 0:11:32A dead Athenian.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35ARISTOPHANES LAUGHS
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Oh, woe! Poor Athenian!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Plucked from us in the prime...!
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- No, no.- It was too much, wasn't it?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47No, it's not sad. It's just funny.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Perhaps I'm not explaining myself.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52MUSIC: Tragedy by Steps
0:11:52 > 0:11:58# Tragedy is a story where the end is sad... #
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- Of course. - HE GROANS
0:12:00 > 0:12:06# Now just try and imagine everyone is glad... #
0:12:06 > 0:12:07OK.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09# We still fight
0:12:09 > 0:12:13# But instead of killing just say, "all right"
0:12:13 > 0:12:17# Life's too short for enmity
0:12:17 > 0:12:19# Hostility
0:12:19 > 0:12:24# Let's just agree to disagree
0:12:24 > 0:12:26# Comedy!
0:12:26 > 0:12:28# When you've had enough of people dying
0:12:28 > 0:12:30# Comedy!
0:12:30 > 0:12:33# Take a break and laugh at that man lying flat on his back
0:12:33 > 0:12:37# Slipped on a banana skin - how funny's that? #
0:12:37 > 0:12:38It's funny!
0:12:39 > 0:12:41# Comedy!
0:12:41 > 0:12:43# Sure the punters would pay good money
0:12:43 > 0:12:45# Comedy!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47# Falling down - now that is funny
0:12:47 > 0:12:49# Oh, what a gas
0:12:49 > 0:12:50# Did not see it coming... #
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Ah!
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Now, that is top class.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56SMASHING
0:12:56 > 0:12:57There were lots of stories in the old days,
0:12:57 > 0:12:59but there weren't many books.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02So if you wanted to hear a story, you had to find someone
0:13:02 > 0:13:04who knew it off by heart and get them to tell it to you.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07But all that changed with the printing press.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Finally, people could get hold of any book they wanted.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Although not straight away, of course.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17MUTTERING
0:13:19 > 0:13:24Hello. I'm trying to get hold of a printed book in English.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Oh, well, you've come to the right place, sir.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28I am William Caxton,
0:13:28 > 0:13:31and I have printed the first-ever book in English.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34The History Of Troy by Raoul Lefevre.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Would you like a bag?
0:13:37 > 0:13:41What I'm looking for is a copy of the tales of King Arthur.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Right, I'm afraid I don't have that one.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48But I do have this, the History Of Troy.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Is it worth you checking your stockroom?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53No, it's not, because at the moment this is the only book
0:13:53 > 0:13:55printed in English in the whole world.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Did you say you wanted a bag, or...?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- Do you have any biographies?- No.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00- Thrillers?- No.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- Teen vampire fiction?- No.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04An adventure involving some talking animals
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- on a hazardous cross-country journey? Think Madagascar.- No.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10No, because this is the only option. There are no other books!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Maybe I should check somewhere else.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14No, it doesn't matter which bookshop you go to,
0:14:14 > 0:14:16they're all going to say the same thing. And that is that I,
0:14:16 > 0:14:21William Caxton, have printed the first-ever book in English.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23- Then I am definitely in the right place.- Yes!
0:14:23 > 0:14:25May I please have a copy of...
0:14:25 > 0:14:27the tales of King Arthur?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Get out.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33You know what, this book is not half bad.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36OK, on with my story.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Hmm.
0:14:39 > 0:14:44What I need are some top characters that people are going to remember.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Could be something scary, like a monster... Grr!
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Or a wizard.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52"You shall not pass!"
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Oh, oh, oh! What about a detective?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57No-one's written about a detective before, have they?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59What's that?
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Oh.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Ah! My husband! He's been murdered.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10I need a brilliant but eccentric detective
0:15:10 > 0:15:13with a lovable but dim-witted companion.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16And I am here. The great Hercule Poirot.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19And my loyal ami, Captain Hastings.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Good day.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I think you'll find she's talking about me.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- Sherlock Holmes, and my good friend, Dr Watson.- Best friend!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Or could it be me?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Chevalier Auguste Dupin, and my faithful companion...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Well, he doesn't have a name, but you get the idea.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- Dupin? Never heard of you. - Me either.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43I don't care who you are, there's been a murder!
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Yes, and I am here to solve this terrible crime.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50But I was here first.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Actually, I was written by Edgar Allan Poe in 1841,
0:15:53 > 0:15:56that's 45 years before either of you,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59which makes me the first detective in the history of stories.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02The first, maybe. But not the best.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Even Arthur Conan Doyle said I was the best.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Eh?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10He mentioned me in two of your stories.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Well, YOU only have three of your own adventures,
0:16:12 > 0:16:16- whereas- I- am featured in four novels and 56 stories.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Not that I'm counting.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Pah! I am in 33 novels, over 50 stories and a play.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Not to mention the TV series and the movies. Plus...
0:16:26 > 0:16:28..this tea towel, available at 5.99
0:16:28 > 0:16:30from all good retailers.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31That's actually not bad value...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Look, I think you'll find the most portrayed movie character
0:16:34 > 0:16:36of all time is...
0:16:36 > 0:16:37me.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Um...about my husband?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42- Madame, it is not all about you. - No-one cares.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Neither of you two would have ever existed if it wasn't for me,
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Chevalier Auguste Dupin.
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Du-pointe-less, more like.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Du-pants, I should have said before you.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52HE YAWNS
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Sorry. SHE GASPS
0:16:54 > 0:16:57I was looking for a button down the back of the sofa,
0:16:57 > 0:16:59and I fell asleep. What am I like? Found it!
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Of course you found it. - I...- I knew all along that it...
0:17:02 > 0:17:04- Obviously, I could see... - It was elementary...
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- ..he was breathing.- Zut alors!
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Oh, sorry, I think I just leant on the light switch.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Hello. I'm Beatrix Potter.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20And I wrote all those lovely stories
0:17:20 > 0:17:23about talking frogs, and kittens, and rabbits.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26But if I wanted to make up some nasty things,
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I'd write them in code, so that only I could understand them.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33My tip for you is that if you're writing in code,
0:17:33 > 0:17:37always try and remember what that code is.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40I wish I'd done that.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I-I have literally no idea what this says. I...
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Something about jam?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48THUNDER ROLLS
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Rain, gloom and despair.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55A distant volcano has pulled a veil over the sun.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59Let us meet this dread ambience with ghost stories.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01If you dare, Polidori?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Yeah, that's a great idea, Byron. Yeah, I've got one, actually.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Oh. Of course.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Well, you go first, I suppose.
0:18:08 > 0:18:14So, the main character, he's an attractive, dangerous,
0:18:14 > 0:18:16British noble man.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Sounds familiar.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20But he harbours a dark, bloody, secret.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22I do? He does?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25He sucks his wife's blood.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28He is called...
0:18:28 > 0:18:30the Vampyre!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Ha... I-I thought I'd left something...behind there.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- Anyway, my story.- I've got one.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Ugh. Mary Shelley.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51Well, this should be good.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53What are you, 12?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55What's it about?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Losing your pencil case?
0:18:57 > 0:18:58I'm 18.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02It's about a science student called Frankenstein,
0:19:02 > 0:19:06who creates a monster by stitching together
0:19:06 > 0:19:09bits...of...dead...bodies.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Oh, cripes!
0:19:11 > 0:19:16On his wedding night, the monster finds the student's wife...
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Run for your life, woman!
0:19:17 > 0:19:19..and murders her!
0:19:19 > 0:19:24MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
0:19:28 > 0:19:29OK, now I'm finished!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Yeah, there's, er, definitely something with the, um...
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Yeah, yeah, there's definitely...
0:19:36 > 0:19:37It might be the pelmet up top, actually...
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- Pelmet, probably the pelmet. - Your go, Byron.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Oh, it's, er... It's getting late.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47I, um... I think I may just go upstairs and hide...er, sleep.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Come on, Byron, we've both told a story.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Now it's your turn.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Oh, er, all right.
0:19:53 > 0:19:54Um...
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Look out, there's a monster!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57THEY LAUGH
0:19:57 > 0:20:00That is literally the rubbishest story I've ever heard.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02No, I'm serious. My pet bear has escaped.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Ooh!
0:20:04 > 0:20:05BEAR ROARS
0:20:05 > 0:20:07THEY SCREAM
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Who's scared now?
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Argh!
0:20:13 > 0:20:14WHISPERS: It's true!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Polidori and Mary Shelley really did come up with...
0:20:19 > 0:20:23..the Vampyre and Frankenstein on the same night.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Have they gone?
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Phew! I'm definitely not doing a horror story.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35What I need is a good plot and some great characters.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Once I've got that, maybe I'll be able to write stories
0:20:38 > 0:20:42as good as the ones these incredible writers came up with.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Take it away, ladies!
0:20:44 > 0:20:46MUSIC: Black Magic by Little Mix
0:20:46 > 0:20:49# All the girls writing books knocking at your door
0:20:53 > 0:20:55# Know how to tell a story so that you want more
0:20:59 > 0:21:02# There was a time when only misters
0:21:02 > 0:21:04# Wrote the books but now the sisters
0:21:04 > 0:21:07# Have started doing it for themselves
0:21:08 > 0:21:10# We were told cooking's all we could do
0:21:10 > 0:21:12# So we invented a magic stew
0:21:12 > 0:21:15# Of books that are flying off the shelves
0:21:16 > 0:21:18# The girls were always looked upon
0:21:18 > 0:21:20# As being weaker
0:21:20 > 0:21:23# Don't say that to Hetty Feather
0:21:23 > 0:21:25# Or Tracy Beaker
0:21:25 > 0:21:27# Why do people so love stories?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29# Cos from cradle to the grave
0:21:29 > 0:21:31# These stories help us work out
0:21:31 > 0:21:33# How we should behave
0:21:33 > 0:21:36# Ooh, oo-ooh ooh
0:21:36 > 0:21:38# We adore that magic... #
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Hey!
0:21:42 > 0:21:44# Girls and boys always kept the light on
0:21:44 > 0:21:46# Had to finish every Enid Blyton
0:21:46 > 0:21:49# 700 books in 50 years
0:21:51 > 0:21:53# Helped to grow the story habit
0:21:53 > 0:21:55# Even when told by a rabbit
0:21:55 > 0:21:56# Listen to my stories
0:21:56 > 0:21:58# You're all ears
0:21:59 > 0:22:01# Secret Seven, Famous Five
0:22:01 > 0:22:03# Always caught the crook
0:22:03 > 0:22:06# Noughts And Crosses was no game
0:22:06 > 0:22:07# At least not in MY book
0:22:08 > 0:22:10# Why do people so love stories?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12# You all want to be that sleuth
0:22:12 > 0:22:14# These stories may be lies but
0:22:14 > 0:22:16# They're how we learn the truth
0:22:16 > 0:22:19# Ooh, oo-ooh ooh
0:22:19 > 0:22:21# Even Peter Rabbit. #
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Hey!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27# All the girls in the books knocking at the door
0:22:29 > 0:22:31# It's not just about the boys no more
0:22:33 > 0:22:36# Everybody loves a hero, true
0:22:37 > 0:22:40# But a hero can be a she-ro too
0:22:42 > 0:22:44# Why do people so love stories?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46# Mother, father, child or friend
0:22:46 > 0:22:48# Cos they bring us close together
0:22:48 > 0:22:51# Hope the story never ends
0:22:51 > 0:22:53# Ooh, oo-ooh, ooh... #
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Cos it's really magic.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Hey!
0:22:59 > 0:23:00# Ooh, ooh, ooh
0:23:00 > 0:23:01# Why do people so love stories?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04# We just hope you've seen our text
0:23:04 > 0:23:05# Everybody wants to know... #
0:23:06 > 0:23:08What happens next? Ooh!
0:23:15 > 0:23:16THEY LAUGH
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Silly!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Hello. I'm Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22And I wrote poems with fantastic stories,
0:23:22 > 0:23:23such as the Charge Of The Light Brigade
0:23:23 > 0:23:25and The Lady Of Shalott.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29Now, being a writer is hard work, so my tip is...
0:23:30 > 0:23:32..keep a sense of humour.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36My favourite joke is to pull my trousers down at parties
0:23:36 > 0:23:38and pretend I'm going to the toilet.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42- Oh, no. He's going to do it again. - Ugh.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43FARTING NOISES
0:23:43 > 0:23:44Look at me!
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Go, go.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Everybody thinks this is hilarious.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49FARTING NOISE
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Everybody?
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Hello?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56I'm here in Boston, USA,
0:23:56 > 0:23:59where fans have camped overnight to see their hero.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01He's not a pop singer or a movie star.
0:24:01 > 0:24:02He's the author of classic novels
0:24:02 > 0:24:05like Oliver Twist and A Christmas Carol.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Charles Dickens!
0:24:06 > 0:24:10SCREAMING Oh!
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Dickens! Dickens!
0:24:19 > 0:24:20I'm cosplaying Nancy.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I'm his biggest fan!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25I haven't washed since the last time he was here.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Wasn't that 20 years ago?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Don't be ridiculous, it was 25!
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Whoo!
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Oh, that's ripe.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35I love him so much,
0:24:35 > 0:24:36I made my own Dickens beard.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38And I've changed my name!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40That's not even how you spell...
0:24:40 > 0:24:41It doesn't matter.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44No. Mr Dickens!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45I love you.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Mr Dickens, you must love America.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Ha! Hardly.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54When I first arrived, there was tobacco spit everywhere.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56And I didn't get a penny from the book sales.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Well, I'm doing it right this time. 19 large.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Oh, ha. And you must love the fans!
0:25:01 > 0:25:02CHEERING
0:25:02 > 0:25:03You're joking, aren't you?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I can't drink a glass of water
0:25:05 > 0:25:07without 100 people watching me.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Oh, my, here they come.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I love you SO MUCH.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15SHE SNIFFS
0:25:15 > 0:25:18It looks like Dickens' visit has been a big success.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22His popularity here in the US isn't going to wane any time soon.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Oh, please let it wane.
0:25:24 > 0:25:25I really want it to wane.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- We're getting married!- We're not.
0:25:28 > 0:25:29We're getting married!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31We're not!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Ugh. Americans!
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Oh, hello, I'm Charles Dickens
0:25:35 > 0:25:38and I have written a very special question for you.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42What was the name of my favourite cat?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51The answer is C.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52He didn't have a name.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53He was so deaf,
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I didn't see any point in naming him.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Isn't that right?
0:25:57 > 0:26:00What do you want, you want to go out?
0:26:00 > 0:26:01Do you want to go out?
0:26:02 > 0:26:04DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT?
0:26:05 > 0:26:06OUT?
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Yeah, I'm more of a dog person myself.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13I told you I wanted the dog blow-dried. You're fired!
0:26:13 > 0:26:15- 'Wait, no...'- Oh!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17The Brontes! What a treat.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20A whole family of writers. From Yorkshire!
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Ee by gum, Emmerdale.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Do you want a black puddin'? With a wassock butty?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Love your work, love your work, love your work,
0:26:27 > 0:26:28don't know who you are.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30I'm their brother. I'm a poet. My name's Branwell.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Of course you are, they always let one slip by reception. Terence!
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Fire Amanda in reception.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39So, super excited to be publishing your books. Super excited.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Let me tell you, Anne, I... YOU are going to make lots of money.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I'm Charlotte. I'm the eldest.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48I LOVED Wuthering Heights.
0:26:48 > 0:26:49That were me.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- So you're Charlotte? - No, I'm Emily. Middle sister.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54- So, you wrote Tenant Of Wildfell Hall?- Ugh.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56That were me. I'm Anne, the youngest.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Which one of you's Jane Eyre?
0:26:58 > 0:26:59That's a book I wrote.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02How wonderfully confusing, darlings.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04Mm, OK, have to work on this.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Treat you all like a girl band.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Scary Bronte, definitely Scary Bronte. Scary Bronte, ha.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Let's keep it simple.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14You are...The Bronte sisters.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16But...I'm a Bronte brother.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Are you still here?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I thought, as part of the marketing campaign,
0:27:20 > 0:27:21we could use this picture...
0:27:21 > 0:27:23that I painted of us all.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Ugh. I much prefer the other version. Terence.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32Three sisters, alone, facing a world of men.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36- And will it work?- You'll sell millions, darlings, millions.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39That's great news! We're going to be famous.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Less of the "we", Branflakes.
0:27:41 > 0:27:42You ladies are legends.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Which one of you wrote Pride And Prejudice?
0:27:44 > 0:27:45That's my favourite.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48That were Jane Austen, and it were rubbish!
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Pride And Predictable, more like.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Never read it. Never will.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55- Terence, you're fired.- Every day.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Poor old Terence.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02You know what? This story business can be hard work.
0:28:02 > 0:28:07What with writers, characters and meanings and all that...
0:28:07 > 0:28:08But it's finally done.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11My masterpiece is complete.
0:28:13 > 0:28:14Look!
0:28:14 > 0:28:16"THE END."
0:28:16 > 0:28:17What?
0:28:20 > 0:28:21- Action!- Nish nobblers...
0:28:21 > 0:28:23LAUGHTER
0:28:24 > 0:28:26- Do you have any biographies?- No.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28- Thrillers?- No. - Teen vampire fiction?- No.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Aww...
0:28:30 > 0:28:31LAUGHTER
0:28:31 > 0:28:33# The past is no longer a mystery
0:28:33 > 0:28:34# Hope you enjoyed
0:28:34 > 0:28:38# Horrible Histories. #