Smash in the Attic

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0:00:02 > 0:00:03Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

0:00:03 > 0:00:05Meet Sally, our receptionist.

0:00:05 > 0:00:08People! Trying to have a conversation here.

0:00:08 > 0:00:10And this is Lenny.

0:00:10 > 0:00:16He's a man of many talents. This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's fiancee.

0:00:16 > 0:00:20And this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.

0:00:20 > 0:00:24Which just leaves me, Jamie. I'm the bellboy.

0:00:57 > 0:01:02- Lenny, how can one man make so much mess?- I did a course.

0:01:02 > 0:01:03Every year you do this.

0:01:03 > 0:01:07Yeah, well, it's a family tradition to do the new football sticker album.

0:01:07 > 0:01:13We've been doing it every year. My dad has been doing it since the '70s.

0:01:16 > 0:01:21Oh, hello. Only one more sticker to go here, Lenny, lad.

0:01:22 > 0:01:25Oh, look at, that eh? Champion.

0:01:25 > 0:01:26Get in there.

0:01:26 > 0:01:28# Do the hustle! #

0:01:32 > 0:01:34He taught me everything I know.

0:01:34 > 0:01:36# Do the hustle!

0:01:36 > 0:01:37# Do the hustle! #

0:01:39 > 0:01:43I've got every football album going back to the 1960s.

0:01:43 > 0:01:45Did they even have football back then?

0:01:45 > 0:01:48Oh, yeah, but it was in black and white then.

0:01:48 > 0:01:51Look, I've nearly finished this year's album.

0:01:55 > 0:01:57I wonder why they call them stickers?

0:01:57 > 0:02:00Lenny, just because your dad was an idiot,

0:02:00 > 0:02:05- doesn't mean you have to be one, too.- I think you'll find it does.

0:02:05 > 0:02:13Oh, Lenny, no more. I've spent all day cleaning up sticker backs.

0:02:13 > 0:02:17Oh, Jamie, while you're here, the hotel's run out of toilet paper.

0:02:17 > 0:02:20Well, take some money from the safe.

0:02:20 > 0:02:23I think the guests would prefer to use toilet paper.

0:02:23 > 0:02:27No, no, I meant take some money from the safe and go and buy some.

0:02:27 > 0:02:32Ah. This calls for an expert safe cracker.

0:02:32 > 0:02:35MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE THEME PLAYS

0:02:45 > 0:02:47Um, it's already open.

0:02:53 > 0:02:57I owe you lots of money, signed Lenny.

0:02:57 > 0:03:00That's not how you spell Lenny, Lenny.

0:03:00 > 0:03:02- What have you done?- I need to find the golden cup sticker.

0:03:02 > 0:03:05It's the last one in the book and I can't find in anywhere.

0:03:05 > 0:03:09I bought every packet that newsagents had. They're 99p each, you know.

0:03:09 > 0:03:13So you've spent all of Hotel Trubble's money on stickers.

0:03:13 > 0:03:16- No. Not all of it. - Oh, thank goodness.

0:03:16 > 0:03:20- I got a penny change. - This is a disaster!

0:03:20 > 0:03:22Hotel Trubble is broke.

0:03:22 > 0:03:26No money means no hotel, and no hotel means no job.

0:03:26 > 0:03:28What are we going to do?

0:03:28 > 0:03:31We could always rob a bank. I've got a few contacts.

0:03:31 > 0:03:33Nobody is robbing anything.

0:03:33 > 0:03:37We'll be fine as long as we don't get any bills for a couple of days.

0:03:37 > 0:03:38Morning.

0:03:38 > 0:03:42- # Oh, yes, wait a minute, Mr Postman. - Wait!

0:03:42 > 0:03:46- # Wai-ai-ai-ait, Mr Postman. - Wait, Mr Postman... #

0:03:46 > 0:03:48We're doomed.

0:03:52 > 0:03:54Is he on yet?

0:03:54 > 0:03:56How should I know?

0:03:56 > 0:03:59Oh, I love David Dickiedoodle.

0:03:59 > 0:04:04Sell My Tat is my mid-morning treat. That and plucking my nose hair.

0:04:10 > 0:04:12Ergh!

0:04:12 > 0:04:15I don't know why you get so excited.

0:04:15 > 0:04:18It's just a boring old antiques show.

0:04:18 > 0:04:20Not just a boring old antiques show.

0:04:20 > 0:04:23It's a boring antiques show starring David Dickiedoodle,

0:04:23 > 0:04:26the hunkiest man on telly.

0:04:26 > 0:04:29Hunky. Old walnut face.

0:04:29 > 0:04:31I've seen hunkier hamsters.

0:04:31 > 0:04:34- IN ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VOICE: - For my next movie

0:04:34 > 0:04:38- I'll be playing one of the great composers.- Which one - Mozart?

0:04:38 > 0:04:40No, I'll be Bach.

0:04:40 > 0:04:43Well, if that's what you think,

0:04:43 > 0:04:47maybe I can enjoy Sell My Tat on my own while you go back to work.

0:04:47 > 0:04:50I think the beans need demoulding.

0:04:50 > 0:04:53Oh, you mean THAT David Dickiedoodle?

0:04:53 > 0:04:59I love his hunky...eyebrows.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02More tea, Dolly?

0:05:05 > 0:05:06- How do I look?- Argh!

0:05:09 > 0:05:14Oh, I mean, you look very... striking.

0:05:16 > 0:05:20I don't know why we have to use this rubbish old teapot, it's useless.

0:05:20 > 0:05:24Because that was the fist thing that Mr Trubble ever gave me.

0:05:24 > 0:05:27That is worth a fortune, he says.

0:05:27 > 0:05:30Well, after him calling me a bossy boots last night

0:05:30 > 0:05:32I don't know why I hang on to it.

0:05:32 > 0:05:34- I mean, I'm not a bossy boots, am I? - Bu...

0:05:34 > 0:05:38Of course I'm not. Just hurry up and pour me that tea.

0:05:38 > 0:05:40Be quiet, it's starting.

0:05:42 > 0:05:45I have to look my best for David...

0:05:47 > 0:05:49You do realise he can't see you?

0:05:49 > 0:05:52Although he can probably smell you.

0:05:52 > 0:05:56Hush. Here he comes.

0:05:56 > 0:05:57Hello.

0:05:57 > 0:06:04Now this, Marjorie, is a vase.

0:06:04 > 0:06:09Something you would use to display flowers.

0:06:09 > 0:06:13It's not difficult. You fill it with water from a tap

0:06:13 > 0:06:16and it helps to keep the flowers alive.

0:06:16 > 0:06:20Now, I would say this is, what, three or four years' old,

0:06:20 > 0:06:24that you bought it in a petrol station

0:06:24 > 0:06:27and it's not worth more than a bag of peanuts.

0:06:27 > 0:06:29SMASH!

0:06:29 > 0:06:34All in all, I think we can call that a smashing buy.

0:06:35 > 0:06:37What a hunk.

0:06:37 > 0:06:41He is clever, handsome and rich.

0:06:41 > 0:06:42- Did you say rich?- Oh, yes.

0:06:42 > 0:06:47He makes loads of money from buying and selling antiques.

0:06:47 > 0:06:52Oh, really? Well maybe he's not such a wally after all.

0:06:52 > 0:06:55I wonder if he needs an assistant.

0:06:57 > 0:07:00Sally, can I have a word?

0:07:00 > 0:07:02Yes, sure. Here's one - scram!

0:07:02 > 0:07:04No, listen, listen.

0:07:04 > 0:07:09Lenny has spent all of Hotel Trubble's money on football stickers

0:07:09 > 0:07:13and now the hotel's skint. We have to do something.

0:07:13 > 0:07:16Will you two be quiet, I can't hear David.

0:07:16 > 0:07:21'That's all for today but tune in tomorrow when I'll be in Chesterham.

0:07:21 > 0:07:24'So if you have any odds and sods which you think

0:07:24 > 0:07:26'might be worth a bob or two,

0:07:26 > 0:07:29'why not bring them along and sell your tat.'

0:07:29 > 0:07:32Chesterham is just down the road.

0:07:32 > 0:07:35There's loads of old tat in Hotel Trubble.

0:07:35 > 0:07:38Some of it's got to be worth something.

0:07:38 > 0:07:44If we can get David Dickiedoodle in here, maybe he can buy something.

0:07:44 > 0:07:48That's such a good idea. With David Dickiedoodle in the hotel

0:07:48 > 0:07:50I'll be in the perfect place to convince him

0:07:50 > 0:07:53to take me on as his new assistant.

0:07:53 > 0:07:57What? You hate antiques.

0:07:57 > 0:08:00How dare you? I love them.

0:08:00 > 0:08:03They're all old and dirty and...

0:08:03 > 0:08:07Well they're going to get me on the TV and I'll be filthy rich.

0:08:07 > 0:08:12But how are we going to get David Dickiedoodle into Hotel Trubble?

0:08:12 > 0:08:18OK, I'll tell him that Hotel Trubble is full of priceless antiques and he

0:08:18 > 0:08:21can have first dibs on anything he wants to buy.

0:08:21 > 0:08:25There's got to be something in this hotel that's worth a packet.

0:08:25 > 0:08:28And I'll be on the telly in no time.

0:08:28 > 0:08:30I've just got to create the right impression

0:08:30 > 0:08:33for when David Dickiedoodle gets here.

0:08:33 > 0:08:36David Dickiedoodle in this hotel!

0:08:36 > 0:08:40What a great idea.

0:08:40 > 0:08:44I'll show Mr Trubble. When he hears I'm having tea with David

0:08:44 > 0:08:48he'll be so jealous he won't care how bossy I am.

0:08:48 > 0:08:51I'd better go and make myself irresistible.

0:08:51 > 0:08:57Oh, take your time - you'll need it - and I'll start hunting.

0:08:57 > 0:09:01Oh, the stickers! A little help here, please, Sally.

0:09:01 > 0:09:02Sure.

0:09:06 > 0:09:09Ow. What was that?

0:09:09 > 0:09:11That's not helping.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16Welcome to Hotel Trubble.

0:09:16 > 0:09:17Oh, this is oak.

0:09:17 > 0:09:21It's 1950s, it's covered in paint and it's worth about 50p.

0:09:21 > 0:09:26And I tell you one thing, if you were to sell this at auction,

0:09:26 > 0:09:30you wouldn't be opening the door to riches.

0:09:30 > 0:09:32- Who is he talking to?- I don't know.

0:09:32 > 0:09:36But it's taken us 20 minutes to get from the car. It's really weird.

0:09:36 > 0:09:39Now this is a carpet. It's a fine example.

0:09:39 > 0:09:44It is a pre-1984 era, machine manufactured in cotton and polyester.

0:09:44 > 0:09:46And if I told you what it was worth,

0:09:46 > 0:09:50it would really pull the rug out from under you.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55Oh, he's here, he's here.

0:09:55 > 0:09:57Oh, he's...

0:10:02 > 0:10:06Oh, that's a poor example of a mid-20th century older lady.

0:10:06 > 0:10:07A bit rough round the edges,

0:10:07 > 0:10:12showing signs of wear and tear, probably best left on the shelf.

0:10:12 > 0:10:16It is wonderful to have you here, Mr Dickiedoodle.

0:10:16 > 0:10:23Perhaps you would join me for tea later. Just the two of us.

0:10:23 > 0:10:27I'm only here for the antiques and you don't count.

0:10:27 > 0:10:33You little tease. Until later.

0:10:33 > 0:10:36So, where are these hundreds of antiques you promised?

0:10:36 > 0:10:38You'd better not be lying to me.

0:10:38 > 0:10:42Mr Dickiedoodle, is there any chance you can lend us a quid?

0:10:42 > 0:10:46Not now, Lenny. Of course I haven't been lying to you, David.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49We've got so many antiques here at Hotel Trubble,

0:10:49 > 0:10:51it'll take you ages to see them all.

0:10:51 > 0:10:56I tell you what, why don't you stay the night for free

0:10:56 > 0:11:00and I'll bring the best of Hotel Trubble's tat...

0:11:00 > 0:11:07tat-ally brilliant antiques collection straight to your door.

0:11:07 > 0:11:10A free night's stay? You're on.

0:11:10 > 0:11:12I can never resist a bargain.

0:11:12 > 0:11:14Sally.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17Good afternoon, Mr Dickiedoodle.

0:11:17 > 0:11:20May I say you are looking incredibly hunky today.

0:11:20 > 0:11:24Please, call me David.

0:11:26 > 0:11:30What's wrong with Sally? Has she become a librarian?

0:11:30 > 0:11:32Shut up, Lenny.

0:11:32 > 0:11:35As I was saying, I absolutely love antiques

0:11:35 > 0:11:39and I'd do anything to be on your show Mr Dicki... David.

0:11:39 > 0:11:42Really? Well, let's give you a little test.

0:11:42 > 0:11:45Starting now. What is the Mona Lisa?

0:11:45 > 0:11:48- It's a pizza shop up the high street.- What is a gramophone?

0:11:48 > 0:11:51- Something you use to call your grandma.- Time.

0:11:51 > 0:11:56Very good. I mean, you obviously know nothing at all about antiques,

0:11:56 > 0:11:59but you have a very pretty voice, and that's what counts.

0:11:59 > 0:12:04And if you can learn about antiques before I leave,

0:12:04 > 0:12:07I could be persuaded to take you on.

0:12:07 > 0:12:13In the meantime, you can start by memorising this.

0:12:13 > 0:12:19It's a book written by me, full of facts which will help you learn.

0:12:19 > 0:12:211,001 Things.

0:12:21 > 0:12:25Available from all good bookshops now.

0:12:25 > 0:12:29- It looks rubbish.- Shut up, Lenny.

0:12:29 > 0:12:32So, could someone show me to my room?

0:12:32 > 0:12:35Yes, Lenny, come on.

0:12:35 > 0:12:37Right this way.

0:12:40 > 0:12:44Right. Now Dave's checked in, I've go the all afternoon

0:12:44 > 0:12:46to find some valuable old tat,

0:12:46 > 0:12:50sell it to him and make enough money to save Hotel Trubble.

0:13:33 > 0:13:35Well, let me see, Mrs Gullible.

0:13:35 > 0:13:39This is a teddy bear, it's stuffed and covered in fur.

0:13:39 > 0:13:43It's worth about £2.50. That is, if you can bear to part with it.

0:13:43 > 0:13:49If you can bear to... I'm funny.

0:13:49 > 0:13:52Ha, ha, ha(!) Well, that's everything.

0:13:52 > 0:13:55I've showed him every single old thing in the hotel,

0:13:55 > 0:13:57and none of it is worth a penny.

0:13:57 > 0:13:59There must be something else old I can find.

0:13:59 > 0:14:02What about my socks? They're really old.

0:14:02 > 0:14:04I was wondering what that smell was.

0:14:04 > 0:14:07I thought someone had left cheese in a drawer and forgotten about it.

0:14:07 > 0:14:12Thanks for reminding me, Sally.

0:14:12 > 0:14:16Isn't there anything else in that book that can help us?

0:14:16 > 0:14:20Well, it says the most valuable antiques are usually found

0:14:20 > 0:14:24in posh, stylish places that have been lovingly looked after.

0:14:27 > 0:14:31Does it say anything about what you might find in a place like this?

0:14:31 > 0:14:35Well, I can look in the index. Shall I look under "mouldy" or "fleapit"?

0:14:35 > 0:14:39Don't be such a tease, Mr Dickiedoodle.

0:14:39 > 0:14:43- Come on, it's time for tea. - Right, that's it. I'm leaving.

0:14:43 > 0:14:46There's obviously nothing valuable in this hotel

0:14:46 > 0:14:47and that woman is a menace.

0:14:47 > 0:14:51No, Mr Dickiedoodle. I've been saving the best until last.

0:14:51 > 0:14:53The most valuable thing in the hotel is...

0:14:53 > 0:14:59- This.- Really?- Yeah. Mr Trubble said it was worth loads.

0:14:59 > 0:15:03Oh, right, well, let's see. Oh, my.

0:15:03 > 0:15:04Oh, just as I thought.

0:15:04 > 0:15:07Well, it's very distinctive.

0:15:07 > 0:15:10- What is it? Victorian?- Tudor?

0:15:10 > 0:15:12Pound Universe.

0:15:12 > 0:15:15What? That is priceless.

0:15:15 > 0:15:17I think you mean worthless.

0:15:17 > 0:15:20It's a piece of junk, my dear, deluded dunderhead,

0:15:20 > 0:15:23and if you think this is valuable

0:15:23 > 0:15:26then you must be completely tea potty.

0:15:27 > 0:15:30Mr Trubble said it was worth a fortune.

0:15:30 > 0:15:37Not only does he call me a bossy boots, he lied to me as well.

0:15:37 > 0:15:41As for you Sally, if that's all you've learned about antiques

0:15:41 > 0:15:43you can forget about being my assistant.

0:15:43 > 0:15:46We're doomed. The hotel is skint,

0:15:46 > 0:15:51it's going to close and we'll all be forced to sleep on the streets.

0:15:51 > 0:15:54I'll never get on the telly.

0:15:54 > 0:15:57- I don't believe it. Look what I've found.- Is it a priceless antique?

0:15:57 > 0:16:01- A route to stardom?- Even better than that - a pound in my pocket.

0:16:01 > 0:16:03I'll be able to buy a pack of stickers now.

0:16:03 > 0:16:08I might even be able to finish this year's football sticker album.

0:16:08 > 0:16:12My 50-year collection will be complete.

0:16:12 > 0:16:1550 years of football sticker albums, did you say?

0:16:15 > 0:16:18Do you think I could come and have a look see?

0:16:21 > 0:16:24Well, this certainly shows what you can achieve

0:16:24 > 0:16:27if you stick to your guns.

0:16:27 > 0:16:30Who are you talking to, Mr Dickiedoodle?

0:16:30 > 0:16:33Sorry, force of habit. There's usually a camera there.

0:16:39 > 0:16:43So, this is every football album since 1960.

0:16:43 > 0:16:47Yep. All except one last sticker.

0:16:47 > 0:16:50Well, tell me all about them.

0:16:50 > 0:16:56Oh, OK. Well, this is the first sticker that my dad ever collected.

0:16:56 > 0:17:00He found this stuck to the bottom of his shoe one day in 1960.

0:17:00 > 0:17:03And this, this is the second sticker.

0:17:03 > 0:17:06He found this while he was helping a toad cross the road

0:17:06 > 0:17:08early one morning, or was it...

0:17:08 > 0:17:12No, it was definitely a toad. Or was it a frog? I can't remember.

0:17:16 > 0:17:19I swapped with my mate Billy for two stinkbombs, and this

0:17:19 > 0:17:24is the empty space where the golden cup sticker will go

0:17:24 > 0:17:27once I find it, Mr Dickiedoodle.

0:17:27 > 0:17:30Mr Dickiedoodle. Hello.

0:17:30 > 0:17:36Gosh, is it morning already?

0:17:36 > 0:17:40Let's get this straight. Apart from the missing sticker,

0:17:40 > 0:17:44you have every complete football album since 1960?

0:17:44 > 0:17:47- Yep.- Bingo!

0:17:47 > 0:17:50No, football. Why, do you think they are worth much?

0:17:50 > 0:17:56Ah, well, talking of value, what you have to take into account, Lenny, is

0:17:56 > 0:18:03that every one of these stickers has been used. Do you look at them much?

0:18:03 > 0:18:07- Yeah, every day.- Lenny, Lenny, you shouldn't do that. It wears them out.

0:18:07 > 0:18:11Yes, I can see where your eyes have dented them.

0:18:11 > 0:18:13I don't think you'd expect to get much for that.

0:18:13 > 0:18:18But I tell you what, if you like, I could just take them off your hands.

0:18:18 > 0:18:22Oh, no, Mr Dickiedoodle. My sticker albums are not for sale, I'm afraid.

0:18:22 > 0:18:24They're worth more to me than money.

0:18:24 > 0:18:29- Toffees?- Deal.

0:18:29 > 0:18:31Shake.

0:18:31 > 0:18:32Close enough.

0:18:37 > 0:18:41Lenny! You'll never guess what? I found your sticker albums

0:18:41 > 0:18:45in Mr Dickiedoodle's book, and they're worth a fortune.

0:18:45 > 0:18:48Oh, bless, he's speechless.

0:18:48 > 0:18:51- There's no need to thank me.- We can sell them to David Dickiedoodle.

0:18:51 > 0:18:55And he'll make me his new assistant for being so clever.

0:18:55 > 0:18:58I'm already way ahead of you.

0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Me and Mr Dickiedoodle have already made a deal.- Fantastic.

0:19:01 > 0:19:03What did you get for them?

0:19:03 > 0:19:05- Oh, 15, 20.- What, thousand?

0:19:05 > 0:19:07No, toffees. Do you want one?

0:19:07 > 0:19:09That swindling swine.

0:19:09 > 0:19:12Wait until I get my hands on him. Where is he?

0:19:12 > 0:19:13Oh, he went out the window.

0:19:13 > 0:19:15He went out saying,

0:19:15 > 0:19:20"Mwah-ha-ha-ha! I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm out of here."

0:19:20 > 0:19:21What? What about my job?

0:19:21 > 0:19:25Oh, no, he did have a message for you, actually, Sally.

0:19:25 > 0:19:30- Really?- He said, "Tell Sally there's more chance of me laying an egg

0:19:30 > 0:19:33"than her ever getting on TV. Mwah-ha!"

0:19:33 > 0:19:37So you're telling me I've read this boring book

0:19:37 > 0:19:39from cover to cover for nothing?

0:19:39 > 0:19:42Never mind that, he's taken Lenny's sticker books with him.

0:19:42 > 0:19:44We have to get them back.

0:19:44 > 0:19:47- They're Hotel Trubble's only chance.- Stuff that.

0:19:47 > 0:19:49I'm only interested in one thing.

0:19:49 > 0:19:53Toffees?

0:19:53 > 0:19:56No, revenge.

0:20:06 > 0:20:09- We need to lure him back. - I know, but how?

0:20:09 > 0:20:12Ah, not a clue.

0:20:12 > 0:20:15You could always tempt him with a priceless antique.

0:20:15 > 0:20:19We tried that, Mrs P. There's nothing valuable in the whole hotel.

0:20:19 > 0:20:23No one said it had to be a genuine priceless antique.

0:20:23 > 0:20:26You mean trick him with a fake?

0:20:26 > 0:20:31Well, let's just say this - I've had some experience in that area.

0:20:31 > 0:20:35Now, what you need is something irresistible,

0:20:35 > 0:20:39something like...

0:20:39 > 0:20:41Oh, the Golden Emperor's teapot.

0:20:41 > 0:20:45It says it's worth millions.

0:20:45 > 0:20:48But it went missing years ago and nobody knows where it is.

0:20:48 > 0:20:50So it could be here then, couldn't it?

0:20:50 > 0:20:55Mrs P! If you think I'm going to say yes to that dastardly,

0:20:55 > 0:20:59devious plan, you're absolutely right.

0:20:59 > 0:21:04We take a tatty old teapot, a bit of gold paint, and bish, bash, bosh.

0:21:04 > 0:21:07We swap it for the sticker albums and the hotel is saved.

0:21:07 > 0:21:12Yeah, and I'll get my revenge on that day-glow, butt-faced buffoon.

0:21:12 > 0:21:15Well, if you need a helping hand,

0:21:15 > 0:21:20remember, Fingers McCafferty taught me everything I know.

0:21:20 > 0:21:23All we need is a tatty old teapot to make into our fake.

0:21:23 > 0:21:29And I think we both know where we can find one of those. Aah!

0:21:31 > 0:21:33Ha-ha-ha!

0:21:33 > 0:21:35Ah-ha-ha-ha!

0:21:38 > 0:21:40Ha-ha!

0:21:44 > 0:21:48Ha-ha, ah-ha-ha!

0:21:48 > 0:21:50- Jamie.- Sorry.

0:21:50 > 0:21:54- Please.- Please.

0:21:54 > 0:21:57Get up, the pair of you.

0:21:57 > 0:21:58Of course you can have it.

0:21:58 > 0:22:01It's not like it's worth anything anyway, is it?

0:22:01 > 0:22:04Mr Trubble lied to me. And to think I trusted him.

0:22:04 > 0:22:06As for that Dickie do-do,

0:22:06 > 0:22:09he didn't have the courtesy to have a single cup of tea.

0:22:09 > 0:22:15I've gone right off him. Men!

0:22:15 > 0:22:18- Right, Sally.- On it.

0:22:18 > 0:22:21Let's get crafty.

0:22:21 > 0:22:23Ha-ha-ha!

0:22:23 > 0:22:27Ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:22:29 > 0:22:31- Jamie.- Yeah, we should... Yeah.

0:22:35 > 0:22:37PHONE RINGS

0:22:38 > 0:22:39Hello, who is this?

0:22:39 > 0:22:43Hello, Mr Dickiedoodle, this is Sally from Hotel Trubble.

0:22:43 > 0:22:44Didn't you get my message?

0:22:44 > 0:22:47I said there's more chance of me laying an egg...

0:22:47 > 0:22:50Than me ever being on the telly. Mwah-ha-ha...

0:22:50 > 0:22:52Yeah, I know, Mr Dickiedoodle.

0:22:52 > 0:22:55It's just, I've found this teapot.

0:22:55 > 0:22:57I've had it up to here with your teapots.

0:22:57 > 0:23:01Yeah, but it's just this one looks a bit like one from your book,

0:23:01 > 0:23:04the Golden Emperor's teapot or something.

0:23:04 > 0:23:07What? Is it solid gold?

0:23:07 > 0:23:10- Yep.- And is it covered in little silver discs?

0:23:10 > 0:23:13All the silver discs you could ever want.

0:23:13 > 0:23:18Sally, this is very important. Is it signed on the bottom?

0:23:18 > 0:23:19Well it will be in a minute

0:23:19 > 0:23:23- I mean, yeah, and it looks sort of Chinese or something.

0:23:23 > 0:23:27The Emperor's Golden teapot! It must be.

0:23:27 > 0:23:29Sally, I'm coming straight back.

0:23:29 > 0:23:34Now, don't show that teapot to anyone and take good care of it.

0:23:34 > 0:23:36Oh, of course we'll take good care of it.

0:23:36 > 0:23:40What sort of people do you take us for?

0:23:54 > 0:23:58Not a bad likeness if I say so myself.

0:23:58 > 0:24:00Hands off that teapot.

0:24:00 > 0:24:04- I call first dibs.- We were hoping to make a deal, Mr Dickiedoodle.

0:24:04 > 0:24:10See, we think this golden teapot might be quite valuable.

0:24:10 > 0:24:13Quite valuable. Let me see the bottom.

0:24:15 > 0:24:16Of the teapot.

0:24:21 > 0:24:25This is your big chance, David, son.

0:24:25 > 0:24:27It's not bad, I suppose.

0:24:27 > 0:24:29This is our deal.

0:24:29 > 0:24:34You can have this teapot if we can have Lenny's sticker books back.

0:24:39 > 0:24:41Is he turning into a werewolf?

0:24:41 > 0:24:44It sounds like he is turning into a werewolf.

0:24:44 > 0:24:46All right, I'll do it.

0:24:49 > 0:24:51The sticker books are yours.

0:24:56 > 0:25:01You idiots! The sticker books may be worth thousands,

0:25:01 > 0:25:03but this is the emperor's golden teapot,

0:25:03 > 0:25:05and it's worth millions.

0:25:05 > 0:25:10I tricked you again, just like I trick every dimwit bumble-brain

0:25:10 > 0:25:13who lets me anywhere near their antiques.

0:25:18 > 0:25:23Hang on, I've either got the golden touch or this paint is still wet.

0:25:27 > 0:25:28Pound Universe?

0:25:28 > 0:25:32You devious little swines!

0:25:32 > 0:25:35All in all, it was a very tricky situation,

0:25:35 > 0:25:37but I hope you like your teapot.

0:25:37 > 0:25:39He must do. He's boiling already.

0:25:39 > 0:25:42I'll show you what I think of this worthless teapot.

0:25:44 > 0:25:49And as for you, you'll never make it as a TV expert

0:25:49 > 0:25:52because you haven't got what it takes.

0:25:52 > 0:25:56What's that? A bright orange face?!

0:25:56 > 0:26:01Brilliant. Now we've got the albums back we can save the hotel.

0:26:01 > 0:26:03What do you mean, save the hotel?

0:26:03 > 0:26:06The hotel's broke because I used all the money in the safe

0:26:06 > 0:26:08to buy some football stickers.

0:26:08 > 0:26:13But don't worry, I can sell my albums.

0:26:13 > 0:26:16It is my fault.

0:26:16 > 0:26:21Oh, look at this, guys. I think that teapot is worth something after all.

0:26:21 > 0:26:22It's full of cash!

0:26:22 > 0:26:25Well, so that's what Mr Trubble meant

0:26:25 > 0:26:28when he told you it was worth a fortune.

0:26:28 > 0:26:31This must have been stuffed down the spout all along.

0:26:31 > 0:26:34No wonder it never poured properly.

0:26:34 > 0:26:41I should have known he wouldn't lie to me! Oh, Trubbie! He loves me!

0:26:41 > 0:26:47There's enough here to cover all our bills. Hotel Trubble is saved.

0:26:47 > 0:26:52- Well, that is unless... - Take it. Take it.

0:26:52 > 0:26:57Mr Trubble loved this hotel and I love him. It's the least I can do.

0:26:57 > 0:27:03- Oh, thanks, Dolly.- Is there any chance I can borrow a quid?

0:27:03 > 0:27:06- I still need to get that final sticker.- Lenny!

0:27:06 > 0:27:09Is this what you're looking for?

0:27:09 > 0:27:11Oh, the last sticker in my book!

0:27:11 > 0:27:13Oh, thanks, Mrs Poshington.

0:27:13 > 0:27:16Where did you find it?

0:27:16 > 0:27:20I had some gold paint and some silver tinfoil

0:27:20 > 0:27:24- and a bit of time to kill. - So it's... (a fake.)

0:27:24 > 0:27:27- That's very thoughtful, Mrs P. - Oh, nothing at all.

0:27:27 > 0:27:30I was just tired of cleaning up all these sticker backs.

0:27:30 > 0:27:34PHONE RINGS Fair enough. Now we won't have to put up with any more stickers.

0:27:34 > 0:27:36Until next year, maybe.

0:27:39 > 0:27:40Hello, Hotel Trub...

0:27:42 > 0:27:43I can't...

0:27:51 > 0:27:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd