0:00:02 > 0:00:03Welcome to Hotel Trubble.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Meet Sally, our receptionist...
0:00:06 > 0:00:08People! Trying to have a conversation here!
0:00:08 > 0:00:12And this is Lenny, he's a man of many talents.
0:00:12 > 0:00:17This is Dolly. She's Mr Trubble's...fiancee.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20And this is Mrs Poshington, the new cleaner.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Which just leaves me, Jamie.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24I'm the bellboy.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26# Hotel Trubble forever
0:00:26 > 0:00:28# It's the pits and we know it
0:00:28 > 0:00:32# We're stuck but we love it
0:00:32 > 0:00:34# Hotel Trubble forever
0:00:34 > 0:00:37# We're a team staying calm on and on
0:00:37 > 0:00:39# So the hotel survives
0:00:39 > 0:00:43# Trubble, Trubble keep the hotel alive. #
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Sally, I need to talk to you about something. It's about the big game
0:00:49 > 0:00:51tonight, England versus Germany.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Well, not that you'd know anything about football and all,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56being a girl.
0:00:56 > 0:01:01- Hang on, what on earth are you wearing?- What?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- You appear to be dressed as a Mexican bandit.- And?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07And that's a bit weird.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Mr Trubble took Dolly to see a cowboy film last night.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Right, right,
0:01:11 > 0:01:16and now she's decided to give the hotel a Wild West theme? Great!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19She's been giving the hotel different themes!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22On Monday she made us dress up like pirates...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Yarr, me hearties!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Can I take your bags for you, please?
0:01:27 > 0:01:30- PARROT:- Who's a pretty boy now?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- Bird brain!- Yarr!
0:01:34 > 0:01:38And then she thought it would give the hotel a unique appeal
0:01:38 > 0:01:40if you guys pretended to be statues.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Excuse me?
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Excuse me? - BELL TOLLS
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Excuse me?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I'm so sick of Dolly acting like she runs the place.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54These ridiculous themes will drive customers away.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57She'll run this hotel into the ground! That woman is...
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- Yes, Jamie? - ..helpful person I've ever met.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Oh, I'm glad you think so, my angel.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- You can be Sheriff. - 'Yee-haa!'
0:02:06 > 0:02:07SHE LAUGHS
0:02:07 > 0:02:10PHONE RINGS
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Hello, Hotel Trubble?
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Don't forget the script.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Oh, yes.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19MEXICAN ACCENT: Ole! Hotel Trubblay!
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Lah-lah-lah! How can I help you, Senor?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26PHONE PUT DOWN Bye.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Jamie, from now on I want you all to wear those, um, wheelie shoes.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- Wheelie shoes?- Yeah, the ones with the little wheels in?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35- Why?- You lot are so slow,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38it's like the hotel is run by a family of tortoises.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40These will speed you up.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Dolly, I bet you £5 you'll never get any of the staff wearing these.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46HE YELLS
0:02:46 > 0:02:48THUD! SMASH!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53About this whole changing the hotel thing.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Can you please stop doing it?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Listen, sweethearts, Mr Trubble told me that I can
0:02:58 > 0:03:00do whatever I like with this place.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03If either of you two have a problem
0:03:03 > 0:03:05you can take it up with Mr Hotel Trubble himself.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Is Hotel really his first name?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Yeah, weird, innit? - Yeah.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- So, are we clear, then? - Yes.- Yes, Dolly.- Lovely.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Now, where has Mrs Posh got to?
0:03:18 > 0:03:24- I've had enough of this!- Oh! - Lenny!- Sorry.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Lenny and I are going to be in the TV room tonight
0:03:32 > 0:03:36- watching the big, important... - Football match. I know.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38England in the World Cup. I can't wait!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Well, how do you know about it? You're a girl.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Girls can like football to you know, Jamie.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46But not as much as me and Lenny, right, Lenny?
0:03:46 > 0:03:50Yeah, I know football like the back of my hand. Oh!
0:03:50 > 0:03:52What's that?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- The back of your hand.- Oh, right.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58You're going to have to look after the hotel while we watch the game.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Wow, Jamie, you never let anyone but you look after the hotel.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I know, and I'm trusting you to keep an eye on her, Sally.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09Don't let me down. It's OK, my darling.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I'll be with you soon.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13OK...
0:04:13 > 0:04:15But, Jamie, what if I want to watch the match?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I get it, you just want to watch the match so you can
0:04:18 > 0:04:21drool over all the players.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Who is it you fancy again? Dwayne Looney?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Well, to be fair, he is dreamy.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Yeah, Jamie, I do fancy Dwayne Looney.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I fancy him for top scorer this season.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33His movement in the box is second to none.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37You wouldn't recognise Dwayne Looney if he walked in now and wanted
0:04:37 > 0:04:38to book a room.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Can I book a room?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Just one moment. We're discussing Dwayne Looney.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44He is Dwayne Looney!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Agh! Agh!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Mr Looney, can I help you? That's Jamie and he's having a breakdown.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I'm OK! I'm OK.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Just doing some filing.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01How did you know I was Dwayne Looney?
0:05:01 > 0:05:05- I'm supposed to be in disguise. - Oh, really? What's your disguise?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Oh! This!
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Oh, yeah. How did I ever recognise you?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Well, that was a waste of £10,000.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Can I book a room for the night?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17All the nice hotels are down the road and to the right.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Yeah, if you just come out of here and cross the road...
0:05:20 > 0:05:22I'd like to book a room here.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26- Here? Why?- You're famous!
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Massively famous!
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- Because of the advert. - ALL: Advert?
0:05:32 > 0:05:37Tired of the strain of being an internationally famous superstar?
0:05:37 > 0:05:41All that money and fame getting you down?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Then come to Hotel Trubble.
0:05:45 > 0:05:50Whisk your troubles away in our luxurious spa.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Get fit in our state-of-the-art gymnasium.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Dolly...
0:05:55 > 0:06:00- But Hotel Trubble is absolutely nothing like that.- Lenny!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02This is Dwayne Looney.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04We want him to stay here.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08I mean, Hotel Trubble is exactly like that. It's brilliant.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11SMASH!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14SHE LAUGHS
0:06:14 > 0:06:18- Please excuse Lenny, he's a bit of a joker!- You like jokes do you?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20I'm good at telling jokes.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24I make all the team laugh with them. Here's one for you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26There's a chicken, and he wants to get to the other
0:06:26 > 0:06:29side of the road, right?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31So, he crosses it.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Oh, yeah!
0:06:36 > 0:06:41- Funny, isn't it?- That is hilarious, Mr Looney.- Call me Dwayne.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- Shouldn't you be preparing for the match?- I'm not playing.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46THEY GASP
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- What? - But if you don't play in the match,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51then England will probably lose.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Which means we won't qualify for the World Cup.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Everyone would just give up, so there'll be
0:06:57 > 0:06:59no police or army, and there'll be a plague
0:06:59 > 0:07:01of zombie squirrels taking over.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06It's bound to happen eventually. There'll be no-one to stop them,
0:07:06 > 0:07:07so they'll rule the world!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I think you might be going a bit over the top there, mate.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16You won't be saying that the giant zombie squirrels come.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Look, I'm not playing, and that's the end of it.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Oh, if a man comes looking for me he says my
0:07:26 > 0:07:31m...m...m...m...m...manager, then I'm not here.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36Why are you hiding from your m...m...m...m...m...manager?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Cos he's always shouting at me!
0:07:38 > 0:07:42People think I'm going to be tough, but I'm not!
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I hate it when people shout at me, and he shouts at me all the time.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47No-one likes being shouted at, Dwayne.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49But if you don't play...
0:07:49 > 0:07:51England will lose!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Now you're shouting at me!- No, Dwayne, we're not shouting at you!
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Yes you are! You're shouting at me now!
0:07:57 > 0:08:00All right! All right! Maybe now I'm shouting at you!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03HE BAWLS
0:08:04 > 0:08:08All right, Dwayne. Look, please stop crying, OK? Stop crying.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12OK. I tell you what, I'll make a deal with you.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16You keep it secret that I'm here, and I promise I'll tell the whole
0:08:16 > 0:08:19world that this is the best hotel I've ever stayed in...
0:08:19 > 0:08:24If Dwayne Looney says he likes the hotel, then people will come
0:08:24 > 0:08:26from miles around
0:08:26 > 0:08:28and finally,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Hotel Trubble will be the greatest hotel in the world.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Muha-ha-ha!
0:08:34 > 0:08:38HE LAUGHS EVILLY
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- Jamie?- Yes?- You're not seriously considering this?
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Yeah, what about the football match?
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- Mr Looney, you've got yourself a deal.- Ah!
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- Sorry.- Well, that's great.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Now, I'm going to have a look around this hotel.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58I'm really excited about your state-of-the-art gym.
0:08:58 > 0:09:03Yeah, yeah. Lenny, why don't you show Mr Looney to his room
0:09:03 > 0:09:06and then to our state-of-the-art gym.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08OK. But we haven't got a state-of-the-art gym.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- Then make something up! - Right, right.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Just this way, Mr Looney.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Oh my goodness, I can't believe it!
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Yes, Dolly, its Mr Dwayne Looney.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Shh! - Oh, I thought it was David Beckham.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Well, never mind. Close enough. Welcome to the hotel, Mr Looney.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- I trust that you will enjoy your stay.- Looks all right.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Yeah, well, I'm sure you're really impressed by my cowboy theme.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Not really.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Oh, I don't know! No one appreciates my creativity around here.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Anyway, Mr Looney, your room is just here.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40HOOVES RUNNING
0:09:40 > 0:09:44Oh, maybe that's where she put the stables. We'll find another room.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Bound to be one, somewhere.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49WILD WEST THEME
0:09:49 > 0:09:51SHE SNORES
0:09:51 > 0:09:56SCOTTISH ACCENT: Excuse me. Hey! Speedy Gonzales, wake up!
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I said, wake up!
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Can I get some service here? Don't you know who I am?
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Yeah, you're Sir Alex Farteson, England manager!
0:10:08 > 0:10:13- And?- And the most respected and feared football coach in the world.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14And?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17The inventor of the electric whisk.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20'Only 9.9999.'
0:10:20 > 0:10:23But that's no' important right now.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25SMASH!
0:10:25 > 0:10:30I've got a wee question for you, little missy.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Have you seen this man?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Louis Walsh?
0:10:36 > 0:10:40That's the wrong picture. I dinnae know how he got in there.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Let's start again.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Have you seen this man?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49- Oh, Dwayne, yes... - No, no, no, no, no!
0:10:49 > 0:10:51No, we haven't seen him, not us.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Why would he stay here?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- What kind of music do you like? - What kind of music do I like?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59What's that got to do with it?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01It's Leona Lewis.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03She has the voice of an angel.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06# Light up, Light up... #
0:11:06 > 0:11:08But that's no' important right now.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Do you know to whom you're speaking to whom?
0:11:11 > 0:11:16Jamie, this is Sir Alex Farteson, England manager.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Oh yes, of course it is.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22I knew that. I know more about football than you, so...
0:11:22 > 0:11:26He needs Dwayne Looney to play in the game tonight.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Dwayne Looney, well of course he does.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31But I haven't seen him.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I mean, on the telly, I've seen him, but not here.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38He's a massive football star. What would he be doing here?
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- Are you sure you've no' seen him? - Positive.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Are you taking me seriously, Little Boy Blue?
0:11:45 > 0:11:51I've had a tip-off Looney is staying at a top hotel in this area.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55- Well, all the top hotels are down the road on the right.- Oh!
0:11:55 > 0:12:00..Sorry, my darling, I didn't mean that.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04I suppose I'd better start there, then.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Here's my business card.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09If you see him, phone me.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13If you don't see him, phone me.
0:12:13 > 0:12:18No-one ever phones me. I get lonely sometimes.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24And if I find you've been hiding him here I'm going to flatten you so
0:12:24 > 0:12:27hard you'll think every day is Pancake Day with you as the pancakes!
0:12:27 > 0:12:30You know what happens to pancakes, don't you?
0:12:30 > 0:12:34They get covered in lemon juice and sugar,
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and then they get eaten!
0:12:42 > 0:12:45And, if he's been hiding in this hotel,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48I'm going to burn the place to be ground!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Under controlled and safe conditions, of course.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54Rargh!
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Rargh!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03And fix this door!
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- That was the scariest man I've ever met.- Yep.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- Is this it?- Yep.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Full state-of-the-art gymnasium.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Looks like an office to me.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23Dwayne, your jokes are so funny, you know.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Look, come and look at our brand new weightlifting machine.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29That's a lamp, isn't it?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32No, it's definitely a weightlifting machine. Come and have a go.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Hey, this is great.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- Oh, the light's come on.- Yeah!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- That means you're the strongest. - I'm the strongest!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Oh...
0:13:49 > 0:13:51I'll probably have to pay for that,
0:13:51 > 0:13:53but it's all right. It doesn't matter.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55HE LAUGHS
0:13:55 > 0:13:57What are we going to do about Dwayne Looney?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00We're going to have to tell Farteson he's here.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02But Dwayne won't tell everyone to stay here.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05In fact, he'll probably tell people not to stay here.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Hotel, hotel, hotel... Jamie, do you know what?
0:14:09 > 0:14:14If you love the hotel so much, why don't you just marry it?
0:14:14 > 0:14:18I tried, OK? They wouldn't let me.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23England will lose the game without Dwayne's goal-scoring ability.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Will you please stop pretending to know about football? You're a girl.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29It's not possible.
0:14:29 > 0:14:35I think England winning the World Cup is a little more important than this
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- poxy hotel.- Oh-oh!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Don't listen to the nasty woman, my darling.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45OK, let's think.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50If we can find out what's stopping him and help him get over it,
0:14:50 > 0:14:55then he can win the match and he'll big up the hotel. Easy as pie.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- Hello?- Hello?- Hello?- Hello?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- Hello?- Hello?
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- This gym is great.- I know, I never even knew it existed.- Hello?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- Hello?- Hello? - Hello, Mr Looney.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- Feeling any better? - Yeah, I am actually.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15A lot fitter too. Your gym's ace.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Especially the rowing machine.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Look at that. Rowing machine.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Right, we've been talking,
0:15:23 > 0:15:26and we think you should play in the match tonight, yeah?
0:15:26 > 0:15:29No. I've told you, I don't want to.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30But you've got to, Dwayne.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33The hopes of a nation are resting on your shoulders.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Plus our hotel will be history if you don't.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40But the pressure and the shouting.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42HE BAWLS
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Don't cry. You just need a pep talk. Right, Lenny?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Yeah, yeah.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50This is a pepper.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Peppers come in a variety of sizes and colours.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56Pepper's go nice in sandwiches, chillies and salads.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- Lenny, not a "pepper talk", a pep talk.- Oh, right. Yeah.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02What's one of those?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Doesn't make any difference whether you talk about
0:16:05 > 0:16:07peppers or courgettes or whatever.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- Avocados?- Whatever! I'm not playing.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I can't play and that's the end of it.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15What do you mean, you can't play?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17I've got a condition.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I'm sure we can help you out with it.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22What is it, dodgy knees, bad back?
0:16:22 > 0:16:26You're turning into a giant zombie squirrel.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28- No, no, the doctor cured that.- Oooh.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32No, the condition I've got, it's... HE GULPS
0:16:32 > 0:16:33footie fright.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35THEY GASP
0:16:36 > 0:16:40- What's that?- Yeah, what is that? I've never even heard of it.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41- Yeah, me neither.- Oh, right.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45You know stage fright which is where actors get too frightened to go
0:16:45 > 0:16:48on stage? Footie fright's like that, but with football.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52And no actors. And no stage. And no tubs of ice cream which is a shame,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- because I really like those. - Dwayne, focus!
0:16:55 > 0:16:58How long have you been feeling like this?
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Well, it all started about three weeks ago.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05We were playing a game and I was really enjoying myself.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09I was having so much fun that I started to think about other things
0:17:09 > 0:17:13that make me happy. Legoland, crab sandwiches, embroidery.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17I was daydreaming so much that I got distracted and I forgot which way we
0:17:17 > 0:17:21were playing, what colour my team was wearing and what my name was.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24It's Dwayne Looney.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Anyway, before I knew it, I'd scored a hat-trick.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- But that's good, Dwayne. - A hat-trick of own-goals!
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- Sorry.- Now I'm so scared it's going to happen again,
0:17:38 > 0:17:42I've got footie fright, I've got it bad, see. Real bad.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46I can't even look at a football without bursting into tears.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51HE BAWLS
0:17:52 > 0:17:55You do cry a lot.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59I tried telling Farteson, but he's not a very understanding person.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02He got so mad when I told him I couldn't play.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Did he...
0:18:04 > 0:18:09- give you the hairdryer?- Not just the hairdryer, I got that first.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11FARTESON ROARS
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Then I got the shower.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16FARTESON ROARS
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Then I got the barber.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21FARTESON ROARS
0:18:21 > 0:18:26I know I'm letting everyone down, but I just can't play any more.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- FARTESON:- Looney! - Oh, no, he's here.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Farteson's here. If he catches me, he'll make me play again.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35I know you're here.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Calm down. Action stations, everyone.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Lenny, you go and distract Mr Farteson.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Sally, you help Looney get over his footie fright.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- And what are you going to do? - I never thought I'd say this,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50but I think we need Dolly's help.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Where are you, Looney?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55I know you're here, Looney.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- Hello, can I help you?- Where is he?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Who?- Listen, Mr Play-Doh Head.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03That's not very nice.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Oh, is there something wrong with you? Have you got a wee cold?
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Did you sneeze so hard that your brain fell through your nose?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13No, I don't think so.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16I'm talking about Dwayne Looney!
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I know he's here.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20No, he's not here, honest.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Don't you lie to me, sonny.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23I know he's here.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27I've done a wee bit of investigating.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29That's his car outside.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33This is a checking-in form that you sign when you check in to a hotel.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Signed by Mr Dwayne Looney.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40And these...
0:19:40 > 0:19:42are his fingerprints.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- Wow, that was impressive with the car and the...- I know.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48As well as being manager and coach to the England team,
0:19:48 > 0:19:52inventor of the electric whisk and head of the Leona Lewis Fan Club,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- I'm also a keen amateur sleuth. - Busy you.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- But that's no' important right now. - SMASH!
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- Where is he?- Oh, Dwayne Looney.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06You see, because I thought you meant...Shane Looney.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08You know, Shane Looney?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10The famous sheep farmer.
0:20:10 > 0:20:15Cos Dwayne Looney was staying here. I mean, no, he was. No, he is.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18It's just that he's in...
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Are you try to think of something to say?- No!
0:20:21 > 0:20:24You're about to make something up, aren't you?
0:20:24 > 0:20:28- No, I'm not.- It's too late now. You're taking far too long.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32- Just wait a minute and then... - < CRASHING!
0:20:32 > 0:20:33That's it, he's in the kitchen.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Yeah, he's in the kitchen helping chef with the...
0:20:37 > 0:20:38with all the cooking and...
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Thank you for being honest with me.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49You've been a great help.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12Mmm. This is very strange. I think what we need to do
0:21:12 > 0:21:16is start with something that's like a football, but smaller.
0:21:21 > 0:21:26Don't panic, it's OK, it's just shaped like a you-know-what.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28HE WHIMPERS
0:21:30 > 0:21:35- I'm really not sure about this, Dolly.- Oh, don't you worry, Mrs P,
0:21:35 > 0:21:39we're just using the new jet packs instead of the wheelies.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42More futuristic, you know. You'll be fine.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Dolly, I've had a idea.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49- Hang on, what's going on?- Oh, don't worry about this, Mrs P's just
0:21:49 > 0:21:52trying out the new jetpacks. Right.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Off you go, Mrs P.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Wahh-ah!
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Mrs P?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Mrs P?
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Don't worry, she should have enough fuel.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18I want you to help me with the new theme for the hotel.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21I thought you thought my themes were rubbish.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26No, no, it just took me a while to appreciate them. I need you
0:22:26 > 0:22:30- to help me remind Dwayne Looney what a great footballer he is.- Oh, right.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32- What do you have in mind?- Well...
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Now, you've done the egg,
0:22:35 > 0:22:39the golf ball, the rugby ball, the elephant poo, the papier mache head
0:22:39 > 0:22:44of Russell Brand, and you've just about managed the grapefruit.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Now it's time for the you-know-what.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Now, don't worry. A football is just like a grapefruit or a
0:22:51 > 0:22:55papier mache head of Russell Brand, the only difference is you kick it.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58OK, we'll try the grapefruit again.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Now close your eyes.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06Now open them.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07HE SCREAMS
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Oh. Oh, it's all right.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14See? It's not so bad.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20You're not fit to lick Gordon Ramsay's gravy.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24Well, your head is shaped like a bagpipe and it is being squeezed
0:23:24 > 0:23:27by your mother's hairy arms.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29This is great, I've never met a man
0:23:29 > 0:23:33who likes to shout as much as me, it's the best day of my life.
0:23:33 > 0:23:38- You smell like something that has gone off.- That's him occupied.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42Come on, Lenny. I need you to help me and Dolly with something.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- I'm not going to get fired from a cannon again, am I?- No. No.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Oh, I quite enjoyed that.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- Surprise!- What's all this?
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Dwayne Looney, we've created a special theme in your honour.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01For tonight, this isn't Hotel Trubble, it's called Hotel Looney.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04What? You named the hotel after me?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Why would you do something like that? I'm just a big crybaby.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09No, no, you're not, Dwayne.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11You're a hero.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14We're begging you to play tonight.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- The whole nation is depending on you.- Yeah, even the pets.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19MIAOW!
0:24:21 > 0:24:23You're right. You're right!
0:24:23 > 0:24:28I don't need to be scared any more, I'm the best footballer in the world.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31And it's about time I showed it.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33I won't let the nation down,
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- I'm going to play tonight and we're going to win.- Yes!
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Go get 'em!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41WHIZZING! Hang on, what's that sound?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43- Whee! - THUD!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47That was the greatest ride of my life.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49ALL: Mrs P!
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Oh, did I do something wrong?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Ow!
0:24:58 > 0:25:05- Oh!- This is the worst Christmas ever. - Lenny, it's not Christmas.- Oh, well,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- things aren't so bad then. - Not so bad?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Not so bad? Farteson's going to finish fighting the chef.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15And when he finds out what's happened to his star player
0:25:15 > 0:25:17and that it was our fault,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20he'll scream us all bald and smash this hotel to dust.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25That chef is a good man, I've never
0:25:25 > 0:25:29known anyone to stand up to Sir Alex Farteson in a shouting match.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Blow my bagpipes, only ten minutes to the game.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Now look, sonny. I'm not messing.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Where is Dwayne Looney?
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Here I am, boss.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Oh, there you are.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44I'm afraid he had a little accident
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- with a jet pack and a geriatric. - What?
0:25:47 > 0:25:52I'm going to tear this hotel to pieces!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Rargh! Rargh!
0:25:55 > 0:25:59Would you like a sarnie, boys? Eat my cheese, McNumpty.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09TV SPORTS THEME
0:26:12 > 0:26:13I don't get it, she's a girl!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20You...
0:26:20 > 0:26:25are the most gifted natural footballer I've ever seen.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28See, I told you I could play, Jamie.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30There's only one thing for it,
0:26:30 > 0:26:35the game begins in four-and-a-half minutes.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37And you, missy, are playing.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39SHE LAUGHS
0:26:39 > 0:26:43TV: And that's it, the final whistle,
0:26:43 > 0:26:471-0, England are in the World Cup and that's all thanks to last-minute
0:26:47 > 0:26:51surprise replacement, I'm sorry, I don't actually know her name.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53- ALL:- Sally!
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Oh, apparently, it's Sally.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58THEY CHEER
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- Who wants nibbles?- Jamie, Jamie, it's all worked out brilliant.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Looney's agreed to do an advert for the hotel.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08- Everybody's going to want to stay! - It's all thanks to Hotel Trubble.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11No, it's all thanks to Sally.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14I feel so bad for not believing in her. She was amazing.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- Now do you believe girls can like football?- Yeah, I'm sorry, Sally.
0:27:18 > 0:27:24And as a thank-you, Mr Farteson has got us tickets to Wrestlemania.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- Wrestlemania!- Oh, brilliant.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- Great. You won't want to come, will you, Sally?- Why not?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Because girls don't like wrestling, it's obvious.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37THUMP! JAMIE GROANS
0:27:37 > 0:27:38PHONE RINGS
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Hello, Hotel... Stay down. ..Trubble?
0:27:42 > 0:27:46# Hotel Trubble forever
0:27:46 > 0:27:48# It's the pits and we know we're stuck
0:27:48 > 0:27:50# But we love it
0:27:50 > 0:27:53# Hotel Trubble forever
0:27:53 > 0:27:56# We're a team staying calm on and on
0:27:56 > 0:27:57# So the hotel survives
0:27:57 > 0:28:01# Trubble, Trubble Keep the hotel alive. #