0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Can you keep a secret? Sneaky and a treat
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# A dash of something tasty Just you wait and see
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# The magic in my story turned you upside down indeed
0:00:10 > 0:00:14# No matter what the trouble is I've got a recipe
0:00:14 > 0:00:16# Mixing up the flavour
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# With a trick right up my sleeve
0:00:18 > 0:00:22# Stir it up a little more and then we're going to see
0:00:22 > 0:00:25# Cooking up a story that is good for magazines
0:00:25 > 0:00:29# Sprinkle this, sprinkle that Stir it up and see. #
0:00:29 > 0:00:34Please? Please! Go on!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Just one, please!
0:00:36 > 0:00:39No! Your mum says if you have too much sugar you get hyperactive -
0:00:39 > 0:00:40a terrifying thought.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Why are you eating them? You hate doughnuts!
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Mm. Mm.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48But I love how you react when I eat them.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Hey! Look over there - it's that guy from the band you like!
0:00:51 > 0:00:56Do you really think she's stupid enough to fall for that? Again?
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Every time.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Argh!
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- Oh!- I've got another client on line two. I'll call you back.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Lisa? Chemistry? Sure.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Well, H2O could be hot water, but CO2 isn't cold water.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23OK. Bye.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25OK, rewind. What was this?
0:01:25 > 0:01:29- Nothing. I've just started my own small business, that's all.- What?
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Homework troubleshooting for the bimbo set in year 11.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- Wow!- I know, pretty impressive, huh?
0:01:34 > 0:01:37No, it sounds like Dullsville. Why would you do that?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40You're right. There are no benefits whatsoever.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43How do you like my new shoes?
0:01:43 > 0:01:46What you got to say to that, then?
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Daddy? I want a job.
0:01:48 > 0:01:53"Dad, how are you doing? Looking good. Mm, I love the aftershave."
0:01:53 > 0:01:57- "Is that new, you say?" - Dad! I mean it! I'm 14!
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- I should have a job.- If you're that keen, you can start now.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03When I said a job, I didn't mean...
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- I thought not. Got to start at the bottom, right, Frenchy?- Sure.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10My business is just a small start-up,
0:02:10 > 0:02:13but we're already making a sizeable net profit.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Er...yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19You see, not all girls have got business savvy, Frenchy.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23- Remember when you washed my car, Lulu?- It was spotless.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25You left the keys in the door -
0:02:25 > 0:02:28it was spotless for the bloke that nicked it.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- I've changed now. I'm responsible. - < I'm home!
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Afternoon, troops.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Now...
0:02:45 > 0:02:47where's the ironing?
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Minty, you think I'm responsible, don't you?
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Hi, honey. How was skydiving?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Oh, you know. Tame.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Responsible for what now, trouble?
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- What? No, guys, all I want is a job! - I'll give you a job.- Thank you.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I accept.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Hang on, doing what?- Babysitting. - I've told her...
0:03:06 > 0:03:09If she can manage Torquil for a night,
0:03:09 > 0:03:11perhaps she IS ready for a real job.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13And if I'm wrong...
0:03:16 > 0:03:18..arrest me, officer.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Ew!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26In at the deep end, eh? Bad luck.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30It's cool. Home alone, guarding a sleeping boy-shaped monster?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32No wrinklies to bother us. What could go wrong?
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Home alone? Sounds like a perfect time to watch this.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Zombie And Son?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Oh, no, I hate scary movies!
0:03:40 > 0:03:43OK, I'll watch it with Warren.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I LOVE scary movies.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Listen carefully - homework, teeth, bed.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00You do everything your step-sister says. Yes?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02And deffo no doughnuts.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Too much sugar, he goes hyperactive and he'll be up till dawn.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08We hid them in your shoes in your wardrobe.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Great.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Mintola, that costs five pound a squirt.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Oh, take this upstairs for me, Lulu?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23And don't have too much fun without me.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Oh, Lulu, whatever you do...
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- I'll be fine, Dad, you'll see. - That's my girl.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Bye. Yeah, have fun, see you later. Bye.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36SHE SCREAMS IN DELIGHT
0:04:36 > 0:04:37I'm in charge!
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I'm in charge!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Lu's in charge! Lu's in charge!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Whoa! Whoa!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Ready for a night of thrills...boss(?)
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Thrills for me, sure.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54You may have pulled the wool over my eyes once before today,
0:04:54 > 0:04:57but it won't be so easy next time. You're my slave now, remember?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Homework, teeth, bed.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00And no doughnuts.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Cinch-o. Oh, and what was that other thing?
0:05:03 > 0:05:04KNOCK ON DOOR
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Don't answer the door to strangers!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12It's not a stranger, silly.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13HE SCREAMS
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Looking good, French.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19This mask is crucial to the success
0:05:19 > 0:05:22of Operation Show Chip How Much We've Got In Common.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27What is it with all these operations?
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Where are they?
0:05:38 > 0:05:42I need those doughnuts! Without them, my blood sugar levels will fall
0:05:42 > 0:05:46and my sparkling and effervescent personality will be diminished.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Oh, Torquil! I didn't realise.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52In that case...no.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- I'm telling your dad you watched a horror movie.- I'm babysitting one!
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Bed!
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Mark my words.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Before midnight, I swear I'll taste the sweet...
0:06:10 > 0:06:14sweet frosting of a doughnut. I will!
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Bring it on, Smeagol!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22HORROR MOVIE ON TV
0:06:26 > 0:06:32Chip...will this be ALL scary and nasty and involve us huddling...
0:06:32 > 0:06:34really close together?
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Nah.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39DOORBELL CHIMES
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Delivery of 30 jam doughnuts for a...Torquil Le Bone?
0:06:54 > 0:06:59Right. This means war.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Nice.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09The question is, how do I get him?
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Oh! I've got it! Dead and butter pudding - very scary.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Sounds perfect.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28Ahh!
0:07:34 > 0:07:39- Ho-hoo!- How will this pudding scare Torquil when he eats it?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41He doesn't. You do.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Then you turn into a zombie and YOU scare HIM.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Sorry, it sounded a bit like you were turning me into a zombie.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50Yep! It's good, innit?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- Is there a problem?- Yes! I'm not doing that!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Oh! You never let me have any fun!
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Torquil's not in bed. He's gone crazy!
0:08:01 > 0:08:04He's trashed the room! He's spoiling everything!
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Leave it to me.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07OVEN ALARM DINGS
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Where's Torquil?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Hey, Lulu!
0:08:27 > 0:08:29What are you doing?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- Just came down to watch the film. - It'll scare you.- Don't think so.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34I've seen you without make-up on.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37How'd you like to see me without a step-brother?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Keep looking for doughnuts and you will.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Help me clean up this mess so Dad will give me that job.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Make me.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54That's better. Where were we?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58The zombie king was just about to eat the cheerleaders.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00BURP ON TV Oh!
0:09:02 > 0:09:06What a plan - while Lulu tidies, Torquil hunts doughnuts.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Mm.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21No...wait...stop.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29No-one ever listens to me.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- Oh!- Ahh!
0:09:34 > 0:09:38That bit was quite scary, wasn't it, Chip?
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- What?- Nothing.
0:09:42 > 0:09:43PANS RATTLE >
0:09:46 > 0:09:47I'll be right back.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50CRUNCHING ON TV
0:09:50 > 0:09:51- Oh!- Oh!
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Lu! Funny thing...
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Please, please, please, please say he didn't
0:10:04 > 0:10:06eat the dead and butter pudding.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08ZIP
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Why've you gone quiet?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11ZIP
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- You told me not to tell you that. - Oh, no.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22Chip, I'm getting really scared.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23I need you to protect me.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26No, you don't. It's only a movie.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30The special effects aren't even that good. Zombies aren't that scary.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36MUSIC: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Brains!
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Problem?
0:10:45 > 0:10:50Lu...what's happening to your step-brother?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Probably just trying to impress you.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56His face is falling off.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Torquil! Stop showing off, OK?
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Whoa! Looks like he's a zombie! That's not possible unless...
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Totally! Zombies don't exist.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09But if they did...how would you stop one?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Have you been cooking?
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Need...brains!
0:11:14 > 0:11:15THEY SCREAM
0:11:19 > 0:11:21He is a zombie! Look at his eyes!
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Possibly.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24THEY SCREAM
0:11:29 > 0:11:32- I guess it must have been, er... - Something he ate?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Of course, he must have eaten...
0:11:34 > 0:11:35a radioactive virus.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36THUNDERCLAPS
0:11:36 > 0:11:40- There's a zombie in the next room! How do we escape?- Escape?
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Are you guys mad?
0:11:41 > 0:11:42THEY YELL
0:11:42 > 0:11:45There's a zombie in the next room! Wait until the boys at
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Everything You Wanted To Know About Zombies
0:11:47 > 0:11:49But Were Too Afraid To Ask.com hear about THIS!
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Chip! What do zombies do? - Eat brains?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Oh, yeah, I see, that IS a problem.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Ugh! And - key question - how do you stop them?
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- Chop off their heads - it always works.- Are you crazy?!
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Dad will never let me have a job if,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06the first time I baby-sit my step-brother, I chop off his head!
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Minty'll never speak to you again.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10So it's not ALL bad.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15Look, I need a way to stop a zombie without severing its head.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Cookie must have a recipe for anti-zombie. Antipasto or something.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21SILENCE
0:12:21 > 0:12:25OK, Chip. I can't hear that little monster any more.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Get up.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Stay here, keep the lights off.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Frenchy, come with me. Back in a sec.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Wait! Even in the dark, he can still...
0:12:35 > 0:12:36SCREAMS
0:12:36 > 0:12:37..smell you.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39MUSIC: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson
0:12:39 > 0:12:40LULU SCREAMS
0:12:43 > 0:12:45BONES CRUNCH OW!
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Cookie, help!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Chill out, Lu, it'll wear off.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- When?- Couple of hours.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02OK, worst case scenario, 18 months.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- THUNDERCLAPS - 18 months?!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Dad can't have a zombie in the cafe for 18 months!
0:13:06 > 0:13:09It breaks every health and safety rule!
0:13:09 > 0:13:13That's what I love about you, Lu, always seeing the bigger picture!
0:13:14 > 0:13:15Wait, listen.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16SILENCE
0:13:16 > 0:13:18I don't hear anything.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Exactly. Torquil's gone.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- BANG <- Ahh!
0:13:22 > 0:13:23BOTH: Chip!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25COOKIE LAUGHS
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Chip...
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Chip, you're alive!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Course I'm alive, and I've stopped your zombie.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41You cut off Torquil's head?
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Cutting off its head stops its brain speaking to its body
0:13:44 > 0:13:47so I tried freezing his brain by dropping ice cream on his head.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- What flavour?- And it worked?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Yeah. He's unconscious.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54THUNDERCLAPS
0:13:54 > 0:13:55THEY SCREAM
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- Eugh!- I should have used raspberry ripple.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Need...brains.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Chip! Don't hurt him - I'll never get that job!
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Forget the job! What about Chip?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Create a diversion!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18I've been thinking. We've got SO much in common.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20I'm a girl, you're a boy.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I'm the living, you're the living...dead.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27We were made for each other. Fancy a bite some time?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Not me!
0:14:28 > 0:14:32That wasn't really what I meant. Sorry.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36- Careful, he's coming for you!- Who knew staying in could be so much fun?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Do something, Cookie!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Do something Cooking? It's a long shot, but...
0:14:49 > 0:14:51HE SINGS
0:14:51 > 0:14:53COOKIE LAUGHS
0:14:53 > 0:14:54I know, get her to scream.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Frenchy, scream!
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I can do that!
0:14:57 > 0:14:58SHE SCREAMS
0:15:01 > 0:15:03What was that?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05A recipe that makes people fail their exams.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Replaces their brain with sand.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10No brain, no zombie appetite. See?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Phew. Just in time. Good recipe.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18- Frenchy, come on! - # Yeah, yeah, yeah! #
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Take Frenchy.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25BONES CRUNCH
0:15:27 > 0:15:30At least he won't be getting through the front door.
0:15:32 > 0:15:38Whoa, this is from an X File I haven't read.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39THEY SCREAM
0:15:39 > 0:15:41More zombies!
0:15:41 > 0:15:45No, Chip, it's worse than that.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47It's Dad!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Somebody let us in, please!
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Any time this century would be nice.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- We are in SO much trouble! - Technically, you're in charge.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Stall them.- What?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Improvise. And get that human egg timer to shut up!
0:16:02 > 0:16:04I have to find Torquil and hide him.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- He's not outside.- Well, where is he?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11CRASHING Did that come from your room?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14He must have gone up the fire escape!
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Sorry. Door's jammed. What's the weather like out there?
0:16:18 > 0:16:22It's awful. The barbie was rained off.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25It's brightened up now. I'd go back if I were you.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Chip! Let us in!
0:16:27 > 0:16:33I can't... Urrrgh! This stuff's got wedged behind the door, and...
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Arrrrgh! ..I can't seem to be able to move it. Ooorghh!
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Chip. I'm looking straight at you.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41You're not moving.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- LAUGHS NERVOUSLY - Yeah, well, I'm, er...
0:16:45 > 0:16:47I'm thinking about moving.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Right. You've got two minutes before he works out he can break glass.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- What's the plan?- No time to explain,
0:16:59 > 0:17:02but I need a skydiving suit and a ski mask.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Open the door, this minute.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06All right, all right.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Oooh!
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Chip, what are you doing?
0:17:17 > 0:17:22It's a sort of modified body-pop with a bit of moonwalking thrown in.
0:17:23 > 0:17:29- I wouldn't be seen dead in that. - Zombies can smell human flesh,
0:17:29 > 0:17:32so to sneak up on him, I need to smell non-human.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- The only person I know who doesn't smell human is...- BOTH: Minty!
0:17:39 > 0:17:41They love me!
0:17:41 > 0:17:44All right, enough. Out of the way, Chipolata.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46HE WHIMPERS
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Can I just point out that I'm not technically in charge here?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Wha... What...what?!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Have you guys been having a party?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Without me?!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Here, zombie, zombie...
0:18:26 > 0:18:30Oh! It's working! Now...in for the kill.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33You're gonna kill him? Cool!
0:18:33 > 0:18:37It might affect your chances of that job with Mike, but it's worth it!
0:18:37 > 0:18:42- No! I'm just keeping him at bay till the recipe wears off.- Aarrgh!
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- What do zombies love more than a human brain?- Bucket of brains?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I'm talking zombie Torquil here.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54- Ahhhh!- Doughnuts!- Doughnuts.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57HE SNARLS
0:18:57 > 0:19:01We haven't had a party. But there's a logical explanation for this.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Torquil's turned into a zombie.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06- What?- Where's Lulu?
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- Getting her brains eaten out(?) - Probably.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14You try stopping a zombie. It's not as easy as it says on the internet.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Go on, Torquie, get 'em in!
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Go on! Go on, get them!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Ohh! Hi, Dad...
0:19:23 > 0:19:24This probably looks a bit wrong.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27The one thing we told you not to give him. Doughnuts.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Look, he's hyperactive already!
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Look at that sugar rush. You know what happens after a sugar rush...
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Ohh! Sugar crash!
0:19:39 > 0:19:43And, er, technically, he did taste the sweet frosting of a doughnut
0:19:43 > 0:19:46before midnight so...round one, Torqu!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Hey! Responsible enough for a job, eh?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51And...what are you wearing?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Ohh, Lulu!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59It's totally dope that you wanna look like me.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Let me show you how to compose an outfit.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05You can't throw everything on at once. Aww...
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Hang on.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13That's not my...
0:20:16 > 0:20:18BOTH: Lulu!
0:20:18 > 0:20:20SHE TUTS
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oops!
0:20:32 > 0:20:33You missed a bit.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38What?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Well, you wanted a job, didn't you?
0:20:40 > 0:20:46Only, um...six more years till you've paid off the damage.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48Mmmm!
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Hey. You do know that mop's magic?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57You mean it can do the work for me?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00No, it's got a built-in squeegee and absorbent fibres!
0:21:00 > 0:21:03SHE CACKLES
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Oh, hey. You feeling, um...OK?
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Fine. It's like my brain had a holiday.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16A beach holiday.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20So...got my wish. Great job, huh(?)
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Well, most Saturday jobs are brain-rot boring.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Be easier to do if you were a zombie.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Don't even think about it!
0:21:36 > 0:21:39HE GROANS LIKE A ZOMBIE
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:21:56 > 0:21:59E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk