0:00:16 > 0:00:19Help me, William! Help me, please!
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Help me, William, save me!
0:00:21 > 0:00:26'William had recently had a change of heart about girls.'
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Help me, William!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31'Or about one girl, anyway.'
0:00:36 > 0:00:37DOG GROWLS
0:00:38 > 0:00:41- Oh, William!- Ha-ha!
0:00:54 > 0:00:57'A distaste for girls had been one of William's many foibles.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01'Shyness, however, had never been a problem.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04'Nor was lack of energy.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06'Or appetite.'
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Elbows off the table.
0:01:08 > 0:01:15- I was just finishing a poem about how false and bland our suburban lives are.- Were you, dear?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- Super.- Bye.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20'Nor was William good at sitting still for long periods.'
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Who was that?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25'Above all, William wasn't lacking in confidence.'
0:01:37 > 0:01:39They just make me want to cry.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Oh, that's perfectly normal.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45I look at William Brown and think
0:01:45 > 0:01:48you're not bad, or dim,
0:01:48 > 0:01:54so how can you manage to be so infuriating?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- Headmaster!- Ah.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- I've had an idea.- How exciting.
0:01:59 > 0:02:04Mr Attwater, this is Mr Wellbecker, school governor, Shakespeare expert.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06And all-round clever-clogs.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10An annual prize for the class who stages the best Shakespeare scene.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Children love Shakespeare.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15That's a terrific idea.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16Terrific.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Isn't it? I have a clever theory about teaching,
0:02:19 > 0:02:21it shouldn't be left to teachers.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23And I have a theory about children.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28Well, don't waste it on us. Let's try it out on a class right now.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Fight, fight, fight, fight!
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Headmaster!
0:02:39 > 0:02:44Boys, this is Mr Wellbecker,
0:02:44 > 0:02:48who has come to talk to you about Shakespeare.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Whom you love.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Mr Attwater and I will leave you to it.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Whilst we get on with important... - Educational...
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Planning. Exactly.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Carry on.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Thank you.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09William Shakespeare.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Get back!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Get back!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Last thing we need,
0:03:17 > 0:03:22some hair-brained Shakespeare competition every year.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- Tiny pre-luncheon sherry? - Oh yes, please, Headmaster.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Fight, fight, fight!
0:03:28 > 0:03:32I'm going to count to ten... Then...
0:03:34 > 0:03:37QUIET!
0:03:49 > 0:03:55Hello. Yes, I am an expert on the Bard,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- indeed I've written a book about him.- I've written a book.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Perhaps, but you've not had it published, have you?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03No, I've not tried.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- And it wasn't about Shakespeare, was it?- No.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08It was about someone a jolly sight more interesting.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- The greatest writer of plays who has ever lived?- I wrote a play once.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Yes, well.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- It was about a pirate.- Shh.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21My book has a clever theory that Shakespeare's plays
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- were in fact written by Bacon.- Sounds more like a stupid theory to me.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27A man called Francis Bacon,
0:04:27 > 0:04:30who lived at the same time as Shakespeare.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Why's Shakespeare got his name on all the books?
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- Stop interrupting. - Yes, let Mr Wellbecker speak.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- So did this Ham...?- Bacon.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Well, it's nearly the same.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47I am instituting a prize for the class
0:04:47 > 0:04:50that stages the best scene from Shakespeare.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Now, the play you'll be performing.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54A man called Hamlet.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56When I called him Ham you said it was Bacon,
0:04:56 > 0:04:58and now you're calling him Ham.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01That was a different man. Listen!
0:05:05 > 0:05:09This man was called Hamlet and his uncle had killed his father
0:05:09 > 0:05:11because he wanted to marry his mother.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Why did he want to marry his mother?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16It was Hamlet's mother he wanted to marry.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20- Oh, that man who you think wrote the plays.- No that was Bacon.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22But you just said it was Ham!
0:05:22 > 0:05:27Look, so we're not muddled, let's call them both Eggs. All right?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Hello, William!
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Hello, Dorinda.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Frog.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Good frog.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43I'm going to be in a play at school.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- Who are you going to be?- The most important person in it.- Are you?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Yes.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53I was the only person that knew anything about plays so they've given me the biggest part.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57It's by... Eggs.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Oh, William. I think you're wonderful!
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Yeah.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10No, Stanley I'm afraid I don't love you.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Your sticking-out teeth don't help, no.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Is William reading a proper book?
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Mm.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20That's never happened before.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22He's suddenly keen on Hamlet.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Yes, you can still buy me a present.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Bye!
0:06:32 > 0:06:34DOOR OPENS
0:06:34 > 0:06:38I hate this house. It's so damn tidy and "nice".
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I know, dear, it's hateful.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Bye!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Why are his lips moving?
0:06:47 > 0:06:51To be or not to be, that's...
0:06:51 > 0:06:53nonsense.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57It's actually the most famous speech in the English language.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Good to see you showing an interest in literature, William.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- So this Hamlet wants to kill someone.- Yes.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Himself.- Well, that's a bit daft.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Or his uncle, who killed his father by pouring poison
0:07:11 > 0:07:13in his ear and turned him into a ghost.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Because he loved Hamlet's mother.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Interesting parents.
0:07:20 > 0:07:25So, did any of that ever happen to you?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34To be or not to be.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50With a bare bodkin how do these fardels bear?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- What is that rubbish?- Shakespeare.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58It's actually the most famous speech in the English language.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Do you want to hear real poetry which I wrote?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03No.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06See the tight people in their suits, their uniforms.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Howl at the moon.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13Howl at the lawnmowers which are so self-congratulatory.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Now it doesn't rhyme or anything, but that is deliberate.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Yeah, nice.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29To grunt and sweat under a weary life.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34Soft you now! Fair Opp-heliya!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38It's a play, Jumble. I'm Hamlet.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40That's the best part.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45The part of Hamlet
0:08:45 > 0:08:47will be played
0:08:47 > 0:08:51by Dalrymple.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52What?!
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- William Brown, Attendant.- Eh?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Douglas, the Queen.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00LAUGHTER
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- Please don't make me a woman, sir. - Don't whine!
0:09:02 > 0:09:06I'm sure Dalrymple will make a great Queen.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09No, no, no, you've made a mistake.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10The Attendant doesn't speak.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Doesn't he? Oh, dear.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Percy, Polonius.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I want to say something.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18I've no doubt you do.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23It's not fair! I just stand there while horrible Dalpimple is Hamlet.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Why are you so upset about this?
0:09:25 > 0:09:26I'm not.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29But I told Dorinda I'd have the biggest part.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Greenfly. Work of Beelzebub.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Everyone can't be Hamlet, William.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41I know. But it should be me. I've learnt the speech and everything.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Hamlet was on recently in town and the main actor
0:09:44 > 0:09:48- fell ill so another one stepped into the breach.- Why did he do that?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Do what?
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Step into the thing you said. - What thing?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56You said an actor stepped in something.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Let's start again.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02The sick actor's part was played by another actor.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10At least you're not playing a queen, and have to wear a dress.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I'd rather that than an attendant who just stands there.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14I'd rather just stand there.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Me too.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18But I am going to play Hamlet
0:10:18 > 0:10:22because Dalrymple's going to fall ill and I'll step onto the...
0:10:22 > 0:10:24beach.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27And what if he doesn't fall ill?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31- We could pour poison in his ear, like in the play.- Not to kill him.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34No, killing gets you into all sorts of trouble.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- What would make him ill but not kill him?- A rotten fish?
0:10:38 > 0:10:42How are we going to get a rotten fish in Dalrymple's ear?
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Wait till he's asleep?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Tell him it's good for hearing.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54I know. We could pour gin in his ear.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Why?
0:10:55 > 0:11:00Well, I accidentally drank some once and I felt like I was going to die.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I can get some gin. My dad drinks it.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06It's got to be bad, it did make him fall into the cellar.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Do I smell of greenfly repellent?
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- Yes.- Sorry.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17I prefer it to that cologne you bought in Torquay.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Is there a problem, Robert?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- Girls. - Been turned down again?- I hate them.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29I'm going to throw myself into my poetry.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35DOOR SLAMS UPSTAIRS
0:11:35 > 0:11:37I think William's keen on that girl Dorinda.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40William likes a girl?
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I thought he wanted to send them all to an island.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45She is quite a tomboy. It's very sweet.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Maybe girls will tame him.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53- DOOR SLAMS AGAIN - Will you stop slamming your stupid door!
0:11:53 > 0:11:55What do you mean, "Turned down again"?!
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Perhaps not.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- Hello, Dorinda. - How's your school play?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Very good. How's your frog?
0:12:13 > 0:12:15- Not very well.- Oh.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Are you really going to be the hero in the play?
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Yes. I have a speech that goes on for hours and hours and hours,
0:12:22 > 0:12:24the longest there's ever been in a play.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- I talk for hours. - I'm coming to see it.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28No, you don't want to do that.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32- I do.- No, you don't.- It might be the last chance I have to see you.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Why? Are you going blind?
0:12:35 > 0:12:36No, we're moving house.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39This one's rented, and we're buying one miles away.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Oh.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48- I'll look after your sick frog if there's no room for it in your new house.- Thank you, William.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54To be or not to be, that is the question.
0:12:54 > 0:12:59Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows...
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Oh, and, Douglas, I want you to bring out the Queen's burgeoning sense of parental malaise.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- I could bring that out if you like. - Shut up.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12On you go.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I shall obey you and for your part...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Stop! Monstrous!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22You sound like you're trying to shout an old aunt to death.
0:13:22 > 0:13:27- You said be loud.- Yes, loud and good, not loud and bad.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35Everyone have a break and try to feel your way into your characters.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I have a clever theory that...
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- I'll tell you another time. Ophelia. - Hello, Dalrymple.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- Hello.- How are you feeling?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Fine.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Do you, by any chance, have any diseases in your family?
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- None of your business. - I've got goat flu in my family.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- Have you got the gin?- Yes. - Ready?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Goat flu makes you turn purple, and you lose your voice
0:13:58 > 0:13:59so you can't be in plays.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Do you perhaps have anything like that?
0:14:02 > 0:14:05No, because my family eat well and I have a big clean house.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10- Look, the Headmaster with a bucket on his head!- Aghh! It stings.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Hold him still!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Put the Prince of Denmark down!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19They've squirted something wet in my ear.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Yes!
0:14:23 > 0:14:26He still looked awfully healthy at the end of the day.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Ah, come on. It's not so bad, not saying anything in the play.- No!
0:14:29 > 0:14:31We can't let Dalrymple play Hamlet.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34I've learnt all the lines, I've made promises to people.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39- Who?- It can't be that hard to make someone ill. How do people get sick?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41By getting sneezed over.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I'm not wasting a good sneeze on Dalrymple.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45You're not ill anyway.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47My cat's got a cold.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48He keeps sneezing.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53I can't bring my cat into school, it's not allowed.
0:14:53 > 0:14:58Tell Mr Attwater you're bringing him in because he's a magic talking cat.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01But he talks really quietly -
0:15:01 > 0:15:05more of a magic murmuring cat than a magic talking cat.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08So Dalrymple leans in to hear what he's murmuring about,
0:15:08 > 0:15:14the cat sneezes on him, he catches a bad cold, and I play Hamlet.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31MUSIC PLAYS: SHAKE RATTLE AND ROLL
0:15:31 > 0:15:34To grunt and sweat under a hairy wife.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Soft you now, fair Opp-helia.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Turn that down!
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- What, Daddy?!- This conscience does make custard of us all.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Turn that blasted music down or find something with a tune!
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Sorry, Daddy, can't hear you!
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Girls, girls,
0:16:01 > 0:16:08don't think you know everything when you know nothing
0:16:08 > 0:16:12except how to look nice and
0:16:12 > 0:16:15not always even that, in some cases.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Trees...
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Trees...
0:16:29 > 0:16:31You make me...
0:16:32 > 0:16:34..so...
0:16:34 > 0:16:38angry because, because...
0:16:38 > 0:16:43because your bark is worse...
0:16:46 > 0:16:50..than your bite.
0:17:05 > 0:17:11- Quiet.- I took the plug off Ethel's gramophone.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I ran into little Dorinda.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21- She seems to think William has a huge part in this school play competition.- Mm?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Rather than his actual role of non-speaking Attendant.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- What is he playing at? - You know what he's like.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- He gets carried away. I'm sure you were the same as a boy. - Don't be absurd.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38No, there's a sound missing.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- Robert slamming something?- No.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Ethel on the phone to some poor sobbing youth?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46No.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51The grandfather clock isn't ticking.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I'll fix it in the morning.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Henry, don't throw paper,
0:18:30 > 0:18:33unless you want me to confiscate your so-called mumbling cat.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Murmuring cat, sir.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38A mumbling cat would be ridiculous, sir.
0:18:38 > 0:18:44Right, break in a minute or two, and afterwards I want you to... No, no!
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Dalrymple, come and listen to the cat.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50He can't talk, you idiot.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Well, you'll never know, will you?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54BELL RINGS
0:18:59 > 0:19:03- Talk, then. - He's thinking of something to say.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Come on Spangle, sneeze.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I mean speak.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Pepper.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Pepper makes him chatty.
0:19:15 > 0:19:20You have to put your head in, or you might not hear what he's murmuring.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Yes! Did we say "magic talking cat"?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30We meant "magic sneezing cat".
0:19:33 > 0:19:34To be or not to be...
0:19:34 > 0:19:37...that is the question.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41Whether 'tis nobler in the slings to suffer the mind and arrows.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- That's not quite right.- It's as sensible as what's in the book.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47- But is the boy playing Hamlet ill? - No.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51We thought he was going to be, but by some miracle he isn't.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54So we'll be coming along later.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57You will go straight to school, won't you, or they'll be anxious?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- Coming to the play? - I'd rather die. I'm a modernist.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18I'm not interested in conventional theatre. And I'll tell you why.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- William.- Evening.- Evening.
0:20:21 > 0:20:28This is a gate. It's an intriguing device most of us use for getting in and out of the garden.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40'William disliked arriving early for anything.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45'Especially when he had a humiliating evening ahead,
0:20:45 > 0:20:50'and a present to make for the only girl he'd ever met whom he liked.'
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Thank you, Sir.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00- Can't I do it like this, sir?- No, Shakespeare's queens did not wear trousers, even at weekends.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Come on, quickly.- Thank you, sir.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05- Ophelia...- Thank you, sir.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09Um, Headmaster, Mr Wellbecker's a little over-stretched. should we be helping?
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I'm not sure we should be, really.
0:21:12 > 0:21:18We have to ask ourselves what will we achieve by helping a rather pompous big-head who, if this goes well,
0:21:18 > 0:21:24will pop up every year offering his confounded shield and disrupting the smooth running of the school.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Bad day?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Again?
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Why don't you come and watch William in his play? It might cheer you up.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- Would you like to read me your latest poem?- No.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56There might be some girls there tonight.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03All right, I'll come.
0:22:08 > 0:22:14Round the rock the rugged rascal ran. Round the rock the rugged...
0:22:14 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Good.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Where is William Brown?
0:22:29 > 0:22:34'William had inadvertently set fire to the Outlaws' Den,
0:22:34 > 0:22:38'which made him even later than he'd intended.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40'It could have happened to anyone.'
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Good evening, Headmaster.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Sit down, Robert.
0:22:48 > 0:22:54Everyone here is either under 12 or over 35.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Well, you can concentrate on the Shakespeare, dear.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Good old Shakespeare.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Never less than thought-provoking.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Do nudge me if I nod off.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Where on earth have you been?!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Oh, am I a bit late? - Quickly, get this on!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Dalrymple, help him with his trousers.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Hat, Douglas. Come on, quickly.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Out, come on, quickly, quickly.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32APPLAUSE
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Good evening, everyone. Thank you for coming.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39I'm sure there are other things you could be doing.
0:23:39 > 0:23:46So tonight, what a joy, sees the awarding of the Wellbecker Shield for Shakespearian acting.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I hope you can read that.
0:23:51 > 0:23:57To start the proceedings, Mr Attwater's class, who rarely disappoint.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01Act Three, Scene One
0:24:01 > 0:24:03from Hamlet.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08You. Go on first and stand by the throne, as I told you.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10The others will follow you on. Quickly! Come on.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14'William had never been hugely good at obeying orders
0:24:14 > 0:24:16'and, now, faced with the girl he wanted to impress,
0:24:16 > 0:24:20'and a captive audience, he couldn't help himself.'
0:24:22 > 0:24:23To be or not to be,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25that is the question.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30- Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, you know, slings and arrows...- Stop!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Or to take arms in a sea of bubbles.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Get off!- And, by opposing, end there, dying to sleep.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41The heartache and national shock of the fleshy hair-do.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44To dine two sheep. Two sheep. Purchase a dream!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Brown!
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Aye, here's the rub! A-har!
0:24:48 > 0:24:53The undiscovered country from whose bum no traveller ever returns.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- Lower the curtain!- There isn't a curtain.- There isn't a curtain.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58More! He's breaking down the fourth wall.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02So, to be or not to be, as I think I've already mentioned...
0:25:02 > 0:25:03It's terribly innovative.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Sorry. Left the gas on at home.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10For in that sheep of death what dreams may come
0:25:10 > 0:25:15when we have shuffled off this immortal doily, that is so soft.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- Fair Dorinda.- Thank you.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22This is an outrage!
0:25:22 > 0:25:27I wouldn't dream of presenting my shield to a school of this kind.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Judas! I shall be having words with the school governors...
0:25:31 > 0:25:33angry words!
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- Er, should I carry on?- No.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Well, I may have muddled up one or two words,
0:25:45 > 0:25:48but I think it went pretty well.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- Shame we didn't see Douglas being the Queen.- Yeah!
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Let's go to the den.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- Yeah.- No, I'm sick of that den.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Let's build another one, a long way away.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- Got to rush.- Night.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Hello, Dorinda.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17William, you were wonderful.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21- Thank you very much.- Why didn't you say it was the funniest ever comedy?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Yes, I should've mentioned that.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Oh, and there's marvellous news.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28We're only moving across the village.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31But I've got a going away present for you anyway.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46The dead frog. That's the nicest present anyone's ever got for me.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49I've stuffed it, but not very well.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53- Thank you.- Bye.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Bye.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59'Although William now had more time for girls, if they were the kind of
0:26:59 > 0:27:02'girl who'd have a go at stuffing a frog,
0:27:02 > 0:27:05'the long, glorious summer stretched ahead
0:27:05 > 0:27:10'and William planned to spend it with his friends, the Outlaws.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13'And, as far as possible, to avoid his family.'
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Joyce, it's Robert.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22We just met at the play.
0:27:22 > 0:27:23DIALLING TONE Joyce?
0:27:23 > 0:27:24HANGS PHONE UP
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Evening.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38What have I done wrong?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:47 > 0:27:49E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk