0:00:02 > 0:00:05- Hot dogs for everyone! - One ketchup packet!
0:00:05 > 0:00:08May I trouble you for a ketchup packet?
0:00:08 > 0:00:09HE CACKLES
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Can I have a ketchup packet too, please?
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Gimme a ketchup now!
0:00:17 > 0:00:18HE LAUGHS
0:00:21 > 0:00:22THEY CACKLE
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Argh!
0:00:59 > 0:01:01It's like they sell everything here!
0:01:01 > 0:01:06Toenail clipper sharpeners, used aluminium foil flatteners, ah!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Even a clown nose polishing department!
0:01:09 > 0:01:14But do they have a revenge on noisy neighbourhood kids department? No!
0:01:14 > 0:01:18HEAVY METAL BLARES
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Argh!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21HE SHOUTS: I...can't...even...
0:01:21 > 0:01:25hear...myself...mua-ha-ha-ha... any more.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Yep! You've found it, savvy shoppers -
0:01:31 > 0:01:35the accordion department's end-of-the-week clearance sale!
0:01:35 > 0:01:38OK, you twisted my arm!
0:01:39 > 0:01:4190% off!
0:01:41 > 0:01:45Go ahead, take this snappy new Squeezemaster 3,000
0:01:45 > 0:01:47out for a test polka.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48HE GIGGLES
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Oh! Accordions are for dweebs! We're looking...
0:01:52 > 0:01:54for revenge!
0:01:54 > 0:01:55< ACCORDION PLAYS
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Red Menace, since when do you play the accordion?
0:02:02 > 0:02:03I don't know...
0:02:03 > 0:02:08It's like I'm squeezing my soul out!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11SCREAMING
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Your soul stinks!
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Nah, it's just no-one likes accordion music.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Uh...I mean, I'm sure somebody...does.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:02:26 > 0:02:28We'll take it!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30I have a plan...
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Muahaha...
0:02:31 > 0:02:32ACCORDION PLAYS
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Hey! Take five!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37HEAVY METAL BLARES
0:02:39 > 0:02:44ACCORDION PLAYS
0:02:44 > 0:02:46THEY SHRIEK IN PAIN
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Dude! Make it stop!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51HE LAUGHS
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Accordion - 1, Future Hearing-Impaired Teens - 0.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56DING!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Ah! That's it!
0:02:59 > 0:03:04With my just thought-up design for a mega-hybrid, squeeze-box doom
0:03:04 > 0:03:06complete with satellite link,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10we can annoy the world into submission
0:03:10 > 0:03:12using POLKA POWER!
0:03:12 > 0:03:13HE CACKLES
0:03:13 > 0:03:18Er...heh, sure, sure, knock yourself out, Frog.
0:03:18 > 0:03:23But I'VE got a truly diabolical plan to use Red's talent!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35ACCORDION PLAYS
0:03:35 > 0:03:37PEOPLE SCREAM
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Muahahaha!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Argh!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Eugh!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53CHILD LAUGHS IN GLEE
0:03:55 > 0:03:56ACCORDION PLAYS
0:03:56 > 0:03:59PEOPLE SCREAM
0:03:59 > 0:04:01HE GIGGLES
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Huh?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Ack! Ow! Ah!
0:04:04 > 0:04:06CRASH!
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Ta-da!
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Argh!
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Phew!
0:04:14 > 0:04:19Boy, using music for evil can really fill up an afternoon.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Behold! The Apolkalypse 3,000!
0:04:23 > 0:04:27World domination is but a folk tune away.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Okie-doka, here comes a polka!
0:04:31 > 0:04:32HE GIGGLES
0:04:32 > 0:04:36HE PLAYS "Morning" by Edvard Grieg
0:04:36 > 0:04:37BIRD CHIRP
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I just need to...
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Argh!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43..make a few minor adjustments.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45CRASH! BANG!
0:04:46 > 0:04:50PARTS CRASH AND CACOPHONY OF NOTES
0:04:53 > 0:04:55HE CACKLES
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Soon, the checkerboard will be ours!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Maestro!
0:05:01 > 0:05:04One park-clearing polka coming up!
0:05:04 > 0:05:05But it sure would be nice
0:05:05 > 0:05:10if just once my music didn't make the audience run away screaming.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14HE PLAYS AN UPBEAT POLKA
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Hey, they're moving, but not away from me.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27HE GASPS
0:05:27 > 0:05:29They must like my music!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32And I just remembered something...
0:05:32 > 0:05:34I don't!
0:05:39 > 0:05:41You've got star quality, kid!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Either that, or my hearing aid's on the fritz again.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Me? A star?
0:05:46 > 0:05:51Howard Geisler, ex-agent to yesterday's has-beens. Stick with me
0:05:51 > 0:05:55and you'll be playing bigger stages than the checker table.
0:05:55 > 0:06:00- Like the bowling alley and the bus station?- Slow down, big dreamer.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04First we got to make a few minor changes.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08POLKA MUSIC
0:06:19 > 0:06:21I'm proud of you, kid!
0:06:21 > 0:06:25You've come a long way since we first met way back when.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27You mean last Tuesday?
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Uh, if you say so.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31I came up with a new name for you, too.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Well, what's wrong with Red Menace?
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Red Menace, peh!
0:06:35 > 0:06:37It's not as va-va-voom as...
0:06:37 > 0:06:38TYRES SCREECH
0:06:38 > 0:06:41..Red Minacci!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Hi, everybody, I'm home.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52It's about time.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53And - action!
0:06:53 > 0:06:59Red...Minacci here, asking all my fans to buy my official t-shirt
0:06:59 > 0:07:02from the fine folks at Voltar Co?
0:07:02 > 0:07:03And cut!
0:07:04 > 0:07:06HE CACKLES
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Anyway, I'm real sorry I haven't been around the lair much lately,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14but I want you guys to know I'm still part of the team.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18The bigger star you become, the better for us!
0:07:18 > 0:07:22And how else am I going to move all this Voltar Co junk!
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I mean, quality merchandise.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Like this official Red Minacci bobblehead.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32And I can complete my grand plan for world domination.
0:07:32 > 0:07:38My Apolkalypse 3,000 is perfected.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39AIR COMPRESSES
0:07:39 > 0:07:40DING! DING! DING!
0:07:40 > 0:07:44POLKA MUSIC
0:07:46 > 0:07:49THEY SCREAM IN PAIN
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Get your official Red Minacci memorabilia right here!
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Eh, take it up with our complaint department.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04ROARING
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Muahahaha!
0:08:06 > 0:08:09I'm really glad my stardom is helping LOSE do...
0:08:09 > 0:08:11whatever it is we're doing.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Anything for the team, right?
0:08:15 > 0:08:20Look, just play your normal achy-breaky headache-makey show
0:08:20 > 0:08:24and the Apolkalypse 3,000 will do the rest!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Roadie person, clear out Red's dressing room!
0:08:27 > 0:08:29His groupies are eating the shrimp!
0:08:29 > 0:08:30HE GASPS
0:08:30 > 0:08:33I happen to be a mad but brilliant scientist,
0:08:33 > 0:08:36not just some showbiz lackey.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Do you want to be invited to the after party?
0:08:39 > 0:08:43The things I do for free cheese squares and pickled herring.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Kid, if this gig goes buffo,
0:08:45 > 0:08:49you're a slam-dunk to headline the Polkapalooza tour.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54That's the dream of a lifetime! Well, at least the last two weeks.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58With all that time on the road, you'll have to give up your day job.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Wha...
0:09:00 > 0:09:04You mean, leave the League Of Super Evil?
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Those two clowns and that weird pet you hang out with?
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Boohoo, I cry. You're on in five minutes!
0:09:12 > 0:09:17Old ladies and gentlemen, get ready to give it up...
0:09:17 > 0:09:21er, at least sit up, for the one, the only,
0:09:21 > 0:09:25the Pied Piper of Polka, the Liberace of Karachi,
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Red Minacci!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32HE SIGHS
0:09:32 > 0:09:34CROWD CHEERS WEAKLY
0:09:38 > 0:09:43I'm sorry but I think I've lost the will to squeeze.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44- What?!- What?!
0:09:44 > 0:09:46BOOING
0:09:46 > 0:09:51I still love making music, but, if it's a choice between polka stardom
0:09:51 > 0:09:56and leaving my best friends behind, well...
0:10:02 > 0:10:05ACCORDION BELLOWS
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Arrivederci, accordioni.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12So close!
0:10:12 > 0:10:15So much unsold junk...
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I mean, quality collectables, 90% off!
0:10:18 > 0:10:19HE GIGGLES
0:10:19 > 0:10:20DING! Argh!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24HEAVY METAL BLARES
0:10:24 > 0:10:29This is all your fault, Red! Goodbye, world domination!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32And hello, noisy neighbours!
0:10:32 > 0:10:35How could you make such an idiotic choice?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38I realised friendship is more important
0:10:38 > 0:10:42than playing the accordion. But I think that I can express myself
0:10:42 > 0:10:46even better with my latest musical passion.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50The pipes, they are a-calling!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52BAGPIPES PLAY
0:10:55 > 0:10:56THEY SCREAM
0:10:57 > 0:10:58HE HOWLS
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:11:04 > 0:11:07E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk