Stupid Cupid

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0:00:15 > 0:00:19A horse. A horse to get me to Florence.

0:00:19 > 0:00:21I'll pay well for the fastest one.

0:00:54 > 0:00:55I'll kill you, you little sneak.

0:00:55 > 0:00:58I've got every officer in Florence after me because of you.

0:00:58 > 0:01:02- What? What?- Don't play the innocent with me. I know you snitched on me.

0:01:03 > 0:01:05You'll pay for this with your life!

0:01:05 > 0:01:07Come back here, Mac!

0:01:07 > 0:01:09Machiavelli, you're not going to get very far.

0:01:09 > 0:01:11I'm going to get you!

0:01:21 > 0:01:23GORGONI LAUGHS

0:01:23 > 0:01:25Nowhere to run, eh?

0:01:31 > 0:01:34Help! He's trying to kill me.

0:01:38 > 0:01:41Grazie, officers. He's a wanted man - Gorgoni the smuggler.

0:01:41 > 0:01:43I'm going to get you for this, Machiavelli.

0:01:43 > 0:01:45I'm going to get you. I'll tear you limb from limb.

0:01:45 > 0:01:46Dream on, fat boy.

0:01:46 > 0:01:49The only thing you'll be tearing is stale bread in prison.

0:01:54 > 0:01:56Today is the day, Placidi.

0:01:57 > 0:01:59All that we have worked for.

0:02:01 > 0:02:04Now, nothing stands in our way.

0:02:04 > 0:02:06For today is the day

0:02:06 > 0:02:09I will be crowned Duke.

0:02:14 > 0:02:16Fantastico!

0:02:16 > 0:02:19Maestro, my dad's getting married.

0:02:19 > 0:02:23Francesca and I have finally decided on a date. 17th.

0:02:23 > 0:02:25Congratulations.

0:02:25 > 0:02:27Does she know about me? Have you told her yet?

0:02:27 > 0:02:29Not yet. But I will.

0:02:29 > 0:02:32I'll tell her today. Then you can come to the wedding.

0:02:32 > 0:02:35I cannot wait to meet her.

0:02:35 > 0:02:39In the meantime, how do you feel about designing our invitations?

0:02:44 > 0:02:46I'd love to.

0:02:46 > 0:02:48Right, where's my sketchbook?

0:02:52 > 0:02:57Ah, Lorenzo, Angelica - good news!

0:02:57 > 0:03:02Good news? You mean great news, my beloved.

0:03:02 > 0:03:05For today is a momentous day for the Medicis.

0:03:06 > 0:03:11- Your father is to be made Duke of Florence.- Papa!

0:03:11 > 0:03:15Imagine that! The Duke of Florence!

0:03:15 > 0:03:18And I will be the Duchess.

0:03:18 > 0:03:20- And if we go to war...? - Which we will.

0:03:20 > 0:03:22I will fight by your side.

0:03:22 > 0:03:25Piccolo Tortellini, you will not be fighting!

0:03:25 > 0:03:30Your job is to look after your pretty little fiancee,

0:03:30 > 0:03:31isn't it, dear?

0:03:34 > 0:03:39The buds of young love. So tender, so precious.

0:03:39 > 0:03:42They must be fed and watered.

0:03:42 > 0:03:43Indeed.

0:03:45 > 0:03:48I stayed cool, of course, kept him pinned down.

0:03:48 > 0:03:50Of course.

0:03:50 > 0:03:51Why was he after you?

0:03:53 > 0:03:56I just happened to mention his criminal activities to the police.

0:03:56 > 0:03:58Oh, so you snitched?

0:03:58 > 0:04:00He's a rat.

0:04:00 > 0:04:03Pretends to be in the silk trade, but really he's a smuggler.

0:04:03 > 0:04:06I was just doing my duty. As a law-abiding citizen.

0:04:06 > 0:04:08Fat slug won't bother me again.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10The Mac is back!

0:04:12 > 0:04:13WHACK!

0:04:13 > 0:04:14SMACK!

0:04:14 > 0:04:16 SMACK!

0:04:28 > 0:04:31THEY GROAN

0:04:31 > 0:04:36Lovely weather we're having, my little...chipmunk.

0:04:36 > 0:04:38Hmm.

0:04:38 > 0:04:39Very blue sky.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42Mm-hmm.

0:04:42 > 0:04:44Very hot.

0:04:44 > 0:04:46Very sticky.

0:04:46 > 0:04:49- Grazie. - Mi scusi. Momento.

0:04:51 > 0:04:52Thanks, Mac.

0:04:53 > 0:04:54Having fun?

0:04:54 > 0:04:57She's so dim. She doesn't even like fencing.

0:04:57 > 0:04:58Talk about stuck-up.

0:04:58 > 0:05:01Yeah, she doesn't look like a bundle of laughs.

0:05:01 > 0:05:02Beautiful though.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05Can't see it myself. Girls are frightful.

0:05:05 > 0:05:07You just have to know how to handle them.

0:05:07 > 0:05:09Well, OK, if you're so good with girls,

0:05:09 > 0:05:10you can take her off my hands.

0:05:10 > 0:05:12- No thanks, mate, she's all yours. - I'll pay you.

0:05:12 > 0:05:15Now that is a whole different kettle of pesci. How much?

0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Five florins.- 15.- Six. - 14.- Seven- 13.- Eight.

0:05:17 > 0:05:19- 12.- Nine.- 11.- Ten.- Ten.

0:05:19 > 0:05:21Oh, all right.

0:05:21 > 0:05:24Bring her back to the Palace gate - three, prompt. Don't be late.

0:05:28 > 0:05:33Va bene, Benito. He's with me. Benito is Angelica's security.

0:05:33 > 0:05:36This is my cousin.

0:05:36 > 0:05:39Count Gianlucca di Modena di Batista di Lampedusa.

0:05:39 > 0:05:41At your service, bella signorina.

0:05:41 > 0:05:43I've asked him to be your escort today, chicklet.

0:05:43 > 0:05:46- It's just that with Papa being made Duke...- Whatever.

0:05:49 > 0:05:51So what's it to be, bella signorina?

0:05:52 > 0:05:56Stroll or an ice cream? On me, naturally.

0:05:56 > 0:05:57Capello's.

0:05:57 > 0:05:59Capello's?

0:05:59 > 0:06:02The finest, most expensive restaurant in all of Florence.

0:06:07 > 0:06:11Good, but here it's too flat, here...

0:06:13 > 0:06:15Meet our latest life model.

0:06:15 > 0:06:17Dino.

0:06:17 > 0:06:19Where did you get him?

0:06:19 > 0:06:21From the seamstress up the road. I said we'd look after him.

0:06:21 > 0:06:25Oh, he's gorgeous!

0:06:25 > 0:06:28- I mean, just like my little brother. - He's going to pose for Cupid.

0:06:28 > 0:06:31The baby angel whose magical dart makes people fall in love.

0:06:31 > 0:06:33Pose? Are you mad?

0:06:33 > 0:06:36Painting a real baby is impossible - they keep moving.

0:06:36 > 0:06:39- It'll be fine. - He's good as gold, aren't you?

0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Why not copy one of mine? - It has to be perfect.

0:06:42 > 0:06:45Sorry, I mean...different.

0:06:45 > 0:06:48I want the invitations to be special. It's my dad's wedding.

0:06:48 > 0:06:51When he shows them to Francesca, I want him to be proud of me.

0:06:52 > 0:06:56May I say, bella signorina, what a lucky boy Lorenzo is

0:06:56 > 0:06:58to have a fiancee so beautiful,

0:06:58 > 0:07:00so elegant,

0:07:00 > 0:07:04so graceful, so refined.

0:07:05 > 0:07:09And so cheerful too, such a charming smile, such a sunny disposition.

0:07:10 > 0:07:12And you too are lucky.

0:07:12 > 0:07:16Lorenzo is a fine, fine fellow - a little immature,

0:07:16 > 0:07:18a little naive, possibly.

0:07:18 > 0:07:21Whereas I'm more a man of the world.

0:07:21 > 0:07:22Ciao, Mac!

0:07:22 > 0:07:25It would seem so - for even the beggars know you.

0:07:25 > 0:07:27I give a lot of money to charity.

0:07:28 > 0:07:31Then by all means, give him some.

0:07:32 > 0:07:35I would, but I have nothing smaller than a florin.

0:07:38 > 0:07:41He wouldn't know what to do with one.

0:07:41 > 0:07:43You're so right. Give him two.

0:07:54 > 0:07:57MUSIC: "Hey Ya" by OutKast # One, two, three, uh

0:07:57 > 0:08:00# My baby don't mess around Because she loves me so

0:08:00 > 0:08:02# And this I know for sho... #

0:08:02 > 0:08:05Dino! No.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07# But does she really want to

0:08:07 > 0:08:12# But can't stand to see me walk out the door

0:08:14 > 0:08:16# Don't try to fight the feeling

0:08:16 > 0:08:20# Because the thought alone is killing me right now

0:08:21 > 0:08:25# Thank God for Mom and Dad for sticking two together

0:08:25 > 0:08:28# Cos we don't know how... #

0:08:28 > 0:08:30Please, please stop.

0:08:30 > 0:08:32# Hey ya

0:08:34 > 0:08:36# Hey ya

0:08:38 > 0:08:41# Hey ya

0:08:41 > 0:08:44# Hey ya... #

0:08:44 > 0:08:45This is hopeless!

0:08:45 > 0:08:47Yes, but we can't give up, it's for my dad's wedding.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50- It has to be right! - SMASH

0:08:50 > 0:08:52Dino, please. Give them back.

0:08:53 > 0:08:55Maybe he wants more to play with.

0:09:10 > 0:09:12MAN CLEARS THROAT

0:09:31 > 0:09:33Hmm.

0:09:33 > 0:09:37I think I'll have the full 14-course menu.

0:09:38 > 0:09:41Don't you think that might be a teensy bit

0:09:41 > 0:09:43much for the stomach of such a delicate signorina?

0:09:44 > 0:09:49Oh. Were you expecting me to have the appetite of a bird?

0:09:49 > 0:09:52No, I just wasn't expecting the appetite of a giant troll.

0:09:54 > 0:09:55I'll take that as a compliment.

0:09:57 > 0:09:59What about you?

0:09:59 > 0:10:01I'm not hungry.

0:10:01 > 0:10:03Not at these prices.

0:10:07 > 0:10:12I'll have the soup, the salad, the spaghetti, the crab,

0:10:12 > 0:10:16the lobster, the oysters, the pheasant, the peacock,

0:10:16 > 0:10:21the baked turtledove, the pigeon pie and the liver wrapped in membrane.

0:10:21 > 0:10:26Count Gianlucca di Modena di Batista di Lampedusa will just have

0:10:26 > 0:10:28some water.

0:10:34 > 0:10:37OK. OK. That should do it.

0:10:37 > 0:10:40Dino, let the carnival begin.

0:10:40 > 0:10:42Start pedalling, please.

0:11:13 > 0:11:15Mmm.

0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Delizioso. How's your water? - Watery.

0:11:22 > 0:11:27Well, I would offer you some, but seeing as you're not hungry...

0:11:28 > 0:11:31Clear this away and bring Count Lampedusa the bill.

0:11:41 > 0:11:43OK, I get it.

0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Get what? - You know, don't you?

0:11:46 > 0:11:47Know what?

0:11:47 > 0:11:49That I'm not really Lorenzo's cousin.

0:11:49 > 0:11:50- Or a Count.- Or a Count.

0:11:50 > 0:11:53Lorenzo paid you, didn't he?

0:11:55 > 0:11:59I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am.

0:11:59 > 0:12:02No. Quite the opposite.

0:12:03 > 0:12:05I'm sorry.

0:12:05 > 0:12:07I'm really sorry.

0:12:07 > 0:12:10Don't worry about it. I'm used to it.

0:12:10 > 0:12:14Being passed around like a parcel from person to person.

0:12:14 > 0:12:18As long as I just smile and nod and embroider nicely in the corner

0:12:18 > 0:12:20and curtsy prettily and eat daintily...

0:12:20 > 0:12:22I didn't see much evidence of that.

0:12:26 > 0:12:27Everybody's happy.

0:12:29 > 0:12:31Now I feel really bad.

0:12:32 > 0:12:33It's not your fault.

0:12:34 > 0:12:36It's just the way it is.

0:12:39 > 0:12:43But just once, I'd like to be free.

0:12:43 > 0:12:46Free to laugh and shout

0:12:46 > 0:12:48and run all over the palace with no shoes on if I feel like it.

0:12:48 > 0:12:51Free to do what I want

0:12:51 > 0:12:54without being watched and judged all the time.

0:13:05 > 0:13:07How much did Lorenzo give you?

0:13:07 > 0:13:08Enough.

0:13:10 > 0:13:11Just.

0:13:11 > 0:13:16- You don't have to pay. I'll charge it to the Medicis.- No.

0:13:17 > 0:13:19I want to.

0:13:24 > 0:13:27Let's get out of here. How about a stroll?

0:13:27 > 0:13:30And an ice cream? On me.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32Yeah, I'd like that.

0:13:39 > 0:13:43I remember you, you know. From the Medici ball.

0:13:43 > 0:13:44Oh. That.

0:13:46 > 0:13:47I bet it was a girl.

0:13:48 > 0:13:50- Was it a girl? - It was a girl.

0:13:51 > 0:13:53The one with the same dress as me?

0:13:53 > 0:13:54What makes you say that?

0:13:57 > 0:13:58Lisa. Yes.

0:14:00 > 0:14:02- But I'm over her. - Are you?

0:14:04 > 0:14:05I'm getting there.

0:14:09 > 0:14:11What you were saying about being free...?

0:14:12 > 0:14:15If you could go anywhere, do anything you wanted,

0:14:15 > 0:14:17without being watched, what would it be?

0:14:18 > 0:14:23I'd go to the river. Take off my shoes.

0:14:23 > 0:14:25Paddle in the water. I did it once, as a little girl.

0:14:25 > 0:14:27Come on, then.

0:14:27 > 0:14:29- What about Benito? - You said you wanted to be free.

0:14:29 > 0:14:31- I do. - Well, come on, then!

0:15:02 > 0:15:05- I think we lost him. - Gotcha!- Oh!- I wouldn't say that.

0:15:05 > 0:15:08I wouldn't say that at all. Thought you'd got away with it, eh?

0:15:08 > 0:15:10Let go of him. How dare you, you horrible man!

0:15:10 > 0:15:13- Shut up, lady. - Do you have any idea who I am?

0:15:13 > 0:15:16MACHIAVELLI MUMBLES: Don't tell him.

0:15:16 > 0:15:19I am Angelica Visconti of Pisa.

0:15:19 > 0:15:20Are you, now?

0:15:20 > 0:15:22Get rid of him.

0:15:24 > 0:15:25Let's go for a walk.

0:15:27 > 0:15:28BELL RINGS

0:15:57 > 0:15:58So much for Benito.

0:15:58 > 0:16:00So much for being free.

0:16:00 > 0:16:02I told you not to tell him your name.

0:16:02 > 0:16:04No, you didn't.

0:16:04 > 0:16:07You said, "Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm."

0:16:08 > 0:16:10Who is this horrid man, anyway?

0:16:10 > 0:16:12He's a smuggler.

0:16:12 > 0:16:14What does he smuggle?

0:16:17 > 0:16:19I've a nasty feeling it might be you.

0:16:29 > 0:16:31Benito? What's happened?

0:16:37 > 0:16:39- It's too heavy. - Shhh. Listen.

0:16:39 > 0:16:42We'll just take what we can. Hurry!

0:16:42 > 0:16:44They're loading up. Getting ready to leave.

0:16:46 > 0:16:50- Aw! What are you doing? - Look! Over there on the table.

0:16:50 > 0:16:53- Push, with your feet. - Are you telling me what to do?- Yes!

0:16:53 > 0:16:56Come on! On three. One, two...

0:16:56 > 0:16:59- One, two... You're pulling, not pushing.- I'm not.

0:16:59 > 0:17:02- You are.- I'm not. - We'll only do this together.

0:17:02 > 0:17:06- I know. That's why I'm pushing. - Move it! Come on!

0:17:08 > 0:17:11On three. One, two...

0:17:11 > 0:17:12One, two...

0:17:12 > 0:17:17- One, two... Keep your feet on the ground.- I am.- You're not.- I am.

0:17:17 > 0:17:19One, two...

0:17:19 > 0:17:20One, two...

0:17:20 > 0:17:22Ah!

0:17:26 > 0:17:27Nice try, lovebirds.

0:17:30 > 0:17:33You really thought it was a good idea to palm her off on Mac?

0:17:33 > 0:17:35All right, I know. But you've got to help me.

0:17:35 > 0:17:38If something happens to her, my dad'll kill me. It's not just her,

0:17:38 > 0:17:41it's the alliance with Pisa! Without it we'll lose the war,

0:17:41 > 0:17:43- and I'll be a traitor! - Where did it happen?- I don't know!

0:17:43 > 0:17:45Mac snitched on someone - a silk trader.

0:17:45 > 0:17:47Said he was a smuggler. A...

0:17:48 > 0:17:51- ..Gorgoni?- Silk trader? Let's start with the silk district.

0:17:53 > 0:17:54Leonardo?

0:18:04 > 0:18:05We're in real trouble.

0:18:06 > 0:18:08- Aren't we? - I'll think of something.

0:18:10 > 0:18:11Will you?

0:18:12 > 0:18:13Just try and be positive.

0:18:15 > 0:18:18You'll be all right. I'm stuffed, whatever happens.

0:18:18 > 0:18:20If Gorgoni doesn't get me, then I'm sure Piero will.

0:18:20 > 0:18:22Piero?

0:18:22 > 0:18:25For running off with his son's fiancee. A beheading, probably.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27Oh.

0:18:27 > 0:18:30Don't worry, Gorgoni will have slit my throat before then.

0:18:32 > 0:18:34We just need to get you back to Lorenzo, somehow.

0:18:34 > 0:18:36Safe and sound.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40It'll be OK.

0:18:44 > 0:18:45I don't want to go back.

0:18:47 > 0:18:50I don't want to marry Lorenzo.

0:18:52 > 0:18:54I hate it at the Medicis.

0:18:54 > 0:18:56I miss my dad.

0:18:57 > 0:18:59I just want to go home.

0:19:01 > 0:19:03Lorenzo isn't interested in me.

0:19:03 > 0:19:06He talks to me like I'm some kind of weird animal.

0:19:11 > 0:19:12I'd never have chosen him.

0:19:13 > 0:19:15But it's not my decision.

0:19:17 > 0:19:19- It never is. - Don't cry.

0:19:21 > 0:19:23I'm sure it'll be all right. Somehow.

0:19:26 > 0:19:30Look, if my arms weren't tied, I'd put them round you.

0:19:32 > 0:19:35Oh, Mac... why can't Lorenzo be more like you?

0:19:35 > 0:19:37What did you say?

0:19:38 > 0:19:40Show time.

0:19:44 > 0:19:46Hey. This way!

0:19:55 > 0:19:57Here's the deal. I need to get out of this town.

0:19:57 > 0:19:59And you're going to help me.

0:19:59 > 0:20:01No-one's going to stop a lady like you -

0:20:01 > 0:20:03the guards will wave you through.

0:20:03 > 0:20:07And I'm your uncle. Do anything to make the guards suspicious

0:20:07 > 0:20:10and your boyfriend...

0:20:11 > 0:20:14Got it? Good. Let's go!

0:20:43 > 0:20:45- It's empty. - BELL RINGS

0:20:45 > 0:20:47Quarter to! The Coronation starts at four!

0:20:47 > 0:20:50- You should go.- What if you don't find them?- We will.

0:20:52 > 0:20:56Everything's gone. So where's he off to?

0:21:43 > 0:21:46Travelling with my household.

0:21:47 > 0:21:49My uncle.

0:21:50 > 0:21:52Tom!

0:21:52 > 0:21:53Tom.

0:21:53 > 0:21:55There they are! What are you waiting for?

0:21:55 > 0:21:58They're hostages. He's using them to get through the gates.

0:21:58 > 0:22:01Look how Mac's standing, I think he might have a gun to his back.

0:22:01 > 0:22:03What do we do?

0:22:03 > 0:22:05It's taking too long, they're getting through.

0:22:05 > 0:22:07Hold it there, exactly there.

0:22:11 > 0:22:14Ciao! Angelica, Ciao!

0:22:14 > 0:22:19You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?

0:22:19 > 0:22:23And Mac! Ciao...Mac!

0:22:24 > 0:22:26Your full name, please?

0:22:28 > 0:22:31My name is...

0:22:31 > 0:22:32My name is Angelica...

0:22:35 > 0:22:40- I can't...I can't...I don't... - Fire! Look! Fire!

0:22:45 > 0:22:48- GUNSHOT - That's Gorgoni! He's wanted!

0:22:49 > 0:22:52After him! Don't let him get away. Come on, after him.

0:22:59 > 0:23:02- You all right? - I'm all right. You?

0:23:03 > 0:23:06It's late. You should get back to the Palace. Your father-in-law...

0:23:06 > 0:23:10Oh. Yes. The beheading. I mean, the Coronation.

0:23:10 > 0:23:13- Yes, of course. - I'll escort you.

0:23:13 > 0:23:15Better not.

0:23:18 > 0:23:19Will I see you again?

0:23:27 > 0:23:29Please, come on.

0:23:32 > 0:23:33Please, please, come on.

0:24:06 > 0:24:08Mama?

0:24:08 > 0:24:11Mama. Come.

0:24:16 > 0:24:19Lorenzo, what on earth are you doing?

0:24:19 > 0:24:21Come inside and sit down immediately. They're about to start.

0:24:21 > 0:24:22And where's Angelica?

0:24:22 > 0:24:26Yes, you see, that's the thing, about that, about Angelica...

0:24:26 > 0:24:28What about Angelica? Where is she?

0:24:28 > 0:24:30This is not the kind of sloppy tardiness

0:24:30 > 0:24:32I expect from my future daughter-in-law.

0:24:32 > 0:24:36I know, the thing is... what actually happened...

0:24:36 > 0:24:38I can't exactly say what happened.

0:24:38 > 0:24:42But the long and the short of it is...I don't know,

0:24:42 > 0:24:44I don't know where she is, I've lost her.

0:24:44 > 0:24:48For goodness sake! There you are! What's the meaning of this lateness?

0:24:48 > 0:24:51- I'm sorry. - And look at the state of you.

0:24:51 > 0:24:53I'll go and tidy up.

0:24:53 > 0:24:57Not now. Get inside, the pair of you.

0:25:12 > 0:25:15Leonardo!

0:25:25 > 0:25:27Cupid! Appropriate.

0:25:31 > 0:25:32Eccellente!

0:25:32 > 0:25:38So one last thing to do with an invitation - that's to give it.

0:25:38 > 0:25:43So, signore, I'd be delighted if you were able to attend.

0:25:44 > 0:25:46Represent the workshop.

0:25:51 > 0:25:52I'm honoured.

0:25:59 > 0:26:04I know I said I'd tell her today, but...it's complicated.

0:26:04 > 0:26:07You know what women are like.

0:26:07 > 0:26:09Better that you meet her after the wedding.

0:26:09 > 0:26:11When things have calmed down a bit.

0:26:14 > 0:26:15You understand, don't you?

0:26:29 > 0:26:32I, Piero de' Medici...

0:26:34 > 0:26:36..on behalf of the city of Florence

0:26:36 > 0:26:38and all its people...

0:26:39 > 0:26:41..do swear to serve and protect...

0:26:41 > 0:26:42Stop!

0:26:45 > 0:26:46Behold...

0:26:47 > 0:26:50..it is I, Rocco, son of the Duke of Florence.

0:26:50 > 0:26:54Here to avenge the death of my father and claim my crown.

0:27:15 > 0:27:17Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd