0:00:04 > 0:00:08Hello, Little Howard, what would you like for breakfast.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11I don't know, surprise me.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Mmm?
0:00:13 > 0:00:15SUGAR FLAKES!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Sorry, I couldn't resist.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21I meant I want to try a new breakfast sensation.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24OK, well there's high-fibre bum flakes.
0:00:24 > 0:00:29I think that shock has had the affect on me as several bowls of bran fibre.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Well, what about Coconut Crunchers?
0:00:32 > 0:00:38Run away, they'll get you, the coconuts will beat you up. Ah!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40I wasn't expecting that.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Little Howard?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Little Howard?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Little Howard?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Are they gone?
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Are what gone?
0:00:53 > 0:00:56The deadly man-eating coconuts.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57What those?
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Run, fool, They'll cream you, ice you, put a bounty on your head,
0:01:03 > 0:01:07they'll back you into a corner, they'll desiccate you.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Enough with the coconut puns.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13I'm sure there's more dangerous foods in the world than coconuts.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Little Howard?
0:01:21 > 0:01:25I, Little Howard, have come up with another of my big questions.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28What is the most dangerous food in the world?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31How about a knuckle sandwich.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34'Thousands of coconuts are waking up in prison today after being arrested
0:01:34 > 0:01:38'for murder. A cartoon boy is helping police with enquiries.'
0:01:40 > 0:01:44# I love monkeys I love monkeys
0:01:44 > 0:01:47# All those happy little chappy little monkeys
0:01:47 > 0:01:50# With their tails and their bananas
0:01:50 > 0:01:54# I think that if we all love monkeys we'll have happier mananas
0:01:54 > 0:01:56# Give me monkeys, lots of monkeys
0:01:56 > 0:02:00# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore
0:02:00 > 0:02:03# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys
0:02:03 > 0:02:05# I wouldn't love her any more. #
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Thank you very much!
0:02:09 > 0:02:14In certain parts of the world they eat monkey brains.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Don't worry, boys, there wouldn't be enough of you lot to cover one nacho.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Oh, I've found my watch.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32Why do you want to know what the dangerous food in the world is?
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Because you said there are more dangerous foods in the world
0:02:36 > 0:02:39than coconuts and I don't believe you.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Why are you scared of coconuts?
0:02:41 > 0:02:45It's a well-known scientific fact that coconuts kill more
0:02:45 > 0:02:49people every year than sharks do.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Where did you hear that?
0:02:50 > 0:02:55I heard it from a very reliable source - a boy said down the swings.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57And where had he heard it from?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00He'd heard it from another boy by different swings,
0:03:00 > 0:03:02or was it the same swings, anyway,
0:03:02 > 0:03:06he'd heard it from a girl in a Wendy house, and she'd heard it
0:03:06 > 0:03:09from her mum who'd heard from her hairdresser, so, it must be true.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Even if it is true there's no reason to be scared of coconut cereal.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Anything that's harder than a shark should not be allowed to sneak into
0:03:16 > 0:03:18people's houses in cereal boxes.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Right, I've had enough of this, Mother.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Hello, boys.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Don't ask what she's doing, it never makes any sense.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29What are you doing?
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Baking.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Barking more like, don't ask her what she's baking.
0:03:32 > 0:03:33What are you baking?
0:03:33 > 0:03:35I don't know ask the oven.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37OK.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37No.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39How can I help?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42What's the most dangerous food in the world?
0:03:42 > 0:03:47- He thinks it is coconuts.- You shouldn't be scared of coconuts.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Thank you.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51You should be scared of potatoes.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Exactly, should be scared... What!
0:03:53 > 0:03:57And tapioca, both of which can be deadly poisonous.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58That's not true.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Tis, tis, tis.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Wild potatoes and ordinary potatoes that have gone green
0:04:03 > 0:04:07contain a toxin that can cause cramps, diarrhoea and even worse.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11It is entirely removed when you cook it, but it is there.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13There's nothing to be scared of.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16I'm sure people only think tapioca's poisonous.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18What - lovely tapioca?
0:04:19 > 0:04:24The tapioca you buy from shops is safe but it is made from cassava
0:04:24 > 0:04:29which, before it is processed, contains the poison cyanide.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Lucky it tastes like warmed up sick or someone might eat it.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Oh, yes, and there's also chocolate.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Please don't tell me chocolate is poisonous.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41You'll tell me TV is bad for my eyes next.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45In sensible amounts, chocolate benefits the circulation
0:04:45 > 0:04:48and can release the chemical serotonin into the body.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51It does, contain a small amount of a poison
0:04:51 > 0:04:54called theobromine which in large amounts can make you
0:04:54 > 0:04:59very ill and even in small amounts can be fatal to dogs and birds.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02None of those foods are as scary as coconuts.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07- I'm going to cure you of this ridiculous phobia of coconuts.- How?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17You're not going to surround me with coconuts and force me
0:05:17 > 0:05:22- to make friends with them, are you?- What like aversion therapy? No.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24You tried to cure Mother
0:05:24 > 0:05:26of her fear of water by throwing her in the sea.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Yeah, who'd have thought a computer could swim.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34There's someone I want you to meet, they should be here somewhere.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35No.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Hello.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Oh, get them away from me. Ah!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Are you all right, Little Howard?
0:05:42 > 0:05:47Sorry, I thought you were a gang of marauding coconuts trying to jump us.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49This is Kevin Palmer an expert in bush craft.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Thanks for agreeing to help us. As a survival expert
0:05:52 > 0:05:55could you tell Little Howard that coconuts are our friends.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Yeah, they are our friends. Like anything out here,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00there's friends and enemies and we need to know the difference.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02If you follow me, I'll show you how.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05I don't know why you're so scared of coconuts,
0:06:05 > 0:06:06coconuts are so useful.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10You can use them for water, food,
0:06:10 > 0:06:13fire, shelter, all the four principles of bush craft.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16If you've got those four, you're gonna survive.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23- These are pretty, what are they called?- Good find, Little Howard.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Sulphur tufts but I wouldn't touch them, they are poisonous
0:06:27 > 0:06:30and they'll make you quite sick. They are called sulphur tufts
0:06:30 > 0:06:32because they've got bright yellow stems -
0:06:32 > 0:06:34the same colour as the compound sulphur.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36They've also got quite a nasty smell.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40And sulphur can be smelly at times, so that's where they get their name.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54What's this Kevin?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56That would be a tree.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Oh, a tree.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- If I ate that whole tree, Kevin, would I die?- Yeah.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04He's very good, isn't he, Big Howard?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06This is a classic toadstool what everyone
0:07:06 > 0:07:10imagines a toadstool to look like bright red with white spots on.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13This is a type of fungus called Fly Agaric
0:07:13 > 0:07:17and it is one of our poisonous ones, it's not the most poisonous
0:07:17 > 0:07:19but wouldn't do you much good, if you eat it.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23You'll be very, very sick and suffer from dreadful hallucinations.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26That looks like it's been eaten by something.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Yeah, some animals, rabbits and slugs and even deer and things.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34For some reason the poisons don't affect them. You have to be careful.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37If you eat slugs, they could have been feeding on these mushrooms
0:07:37 > 0:07:40and they can actually concentrate some of the poisons inside them.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Little Howard, what have I told you about eating slugs?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46You said, "Not even the French do that."
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Some of the old shaman and witch doctors in some tribes
0:07:49 > 0:07:53use this to induce hallucinations and dreams to predict the future.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57They wouldn't eat the mushroom as it is, they get a reindeer to eat it
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- and then drink the reindeer's wee. - Rudolph widdle?- Awful, isn't it?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03That gets rid of the stuff that makes you sick
0:08:03 > 0:08:07but still leaves the chemical in there that gives the hallucinations
0:08:07 > 0:08:10and so they'd have these dreams and predict the future.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14I wouldn't recommend it, it is a nasty one and if you eat too much
0:08:14 > 0:08:16it could kill you and it'd make you ill.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20And there's a very closely related one which is called the death cap
0:08:20 > 0:08:21and just one cap of that
0:08:21 > 0:08:25would be enough to kill you and it's a slow, painful death.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29It's not good, so this group of mushrooms is one to be avoided.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37So there are more dangerous and scary things than coconuts.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I know where you can get hold of the hottest chilli.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45I guess you'll find it deep in the middle of the Amazon rainforest
0:08:45 > 0:08:47surrounded by savage coconuts.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50No, Sea Spring Farm, deep in darkest Dorset.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Wow.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53If you need me, just give me a call.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56What do a bird call or shout like Tarzan or something.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Just ring on the mobile that's much easier.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Thanks very much, Kevin...
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Kevin? He's gone.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Where's Dorset, Big Howard?
0:09:07 > 0:09:08I don't know.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10For goodness' sake, there's a map.
0:09:15 > 0:09:20Wow, he was like a "ginja" wasn't he, Big Howard?
0:09:20 > 0:09:21A ninja.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23A "ginja" ninja.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25No, just a ninja.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Just a "ginja" ninja.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Get in the car.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Come on.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Are we nearly there yet?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45We're slightly closer than the last time you asked half a minute ago.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49I wish I'd had breakfast, I'm starving.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52There might be something to eat in the glove compartment.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Oh, stop the car.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09You did that on purpose, didn't you?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Don't know what you're talking about.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29Hello, this is Joy and Michael, they run Sea Spring Farm.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Hello, Joy, hello Michael.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Hello, why on earth are you dressed as an Eskimo?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Because I'm at a chilli farm.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Well, someone gave you the wrong idea, Howard.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41We're going into some polytunnels.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45It's really hot in there, so you'd better lose that thing.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Why don't we go up now before it gets too hot?- Yeah, great.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Come on.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14OK, guys, here we are the big enchilada.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17This is the Dorset Naga, which has been selected from
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Bangladeshi Naga Morich.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22This is one of the hottest chillies in the world.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24So how hot is this thing?
0:11:24 > 0:11:25I don't know.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Well, it measures about a million Scoville heat units.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33This is the unit that we use to measure pungency in chillies.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34OK, that's a million.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36No.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Then if we go to a supermarket and sometimes you find these
0:11:39 > 0:11:44jalapenos, this measures about 8,000 Scoville heat units.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47I use those in curries and those are quite hot.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Exactly, so that means if I've got
0:11:50 > 0:11:51a powder of that
0:11:51 > 0:11:55and some powder of this and I measured the heat in both of them,
0:11:55 > 0:12:01this is going to be 125 times hotter than this one is.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02How hot is that?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05This is 125 jalapenos
0:12:05 > 0:12:10and that gives you an idea of just how much hotter that is than this.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13125 times!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Right, OK, so does anybody want to have a go?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Well, as the responsible adult
0:12:19 > 0:12:23I think that Little Howard should go first.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Hurray.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Little Howard, are you sure? We normally don't let kids eat this
0:12:28 > 0:12:33- but since you are a cartoon we can do that.- No, it's OK, I'll do it.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Oh, make up your mind, you big gibber!
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- Are you sure you're up for it?- I think so.- Right, well have a go.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42I don't think you have to hold it that way
0:12:42 > 0:12:45but if you feel more comfortable doing it go ahead.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I'm scared of it.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- You guys ready to go?- I think so.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51What? No, no, no!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53No, that's not the way you test the chilli.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56You break it in half first. You do it like that.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Now when you break it open,
0:12:58 > 0:13:00make sure you don't touch your fingers.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Those chemicals that cause the heat get on your fingers
0:13:03 > 0:13:06and if you pick your nose, or rub your eye,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08or stick it in your mouth, you are going to get really hot again.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11So, you break it open
0:13:11 > 0:13:14and then you have a whiff, just like a wine and then you gently,
0:13:14 > 0:13:16gently touch it to your tongue.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Now, listen, gently. You got that Little Howard?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- OK.- Make sure he does it right. Go ahead.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24OK. Now have a go.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28It smells quite nice, like orangeade sort of thing.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Yeah, could be. OK, it does have a nice smell.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32And then...
0:13:32 > 0:13:35This isn't going to be bad. This is going to be fine.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Are you going to have a go?
0:13:36 > 0:13:40'What effect will the chillies have on Big and Little Howard?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43'Will they be able to speak for the next 15 minutes?
0:13:43 > 0:13:47'Will I have to narrate the rest of the episode? Because I can -
0:13:47 > 0:13:51'I don't have so much on this afternoon. Find out after these ads.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57'Do your school dinners look dangerous?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59'Don't leave it to chance,
0:13:59 > 0:14:02'ring the Regal Association of Tasters
0:14:02 > 0:14:07'and we'll send round a personal food taster to try it for you.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10'Just like kings and queens have.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12'From rancid kippers to hot dogs laced with the toxin
0:14:12 > 0:14:16'of the Columbian golden poison frog. Whatever the dodgy nosebag
0:14:16 > 0:14:20'ring the RAT, get straight through to us
0:14:20 > 0:14:22'or it might go straight through you.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24'Oh, dear!
0:14:24 > 0:14:25'Oh, dear.'
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Come on. That's it.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37That's fiery, that's not mucking about that. That's quite hot.
0:14:37 > 0:14:42- What's it feel like?- Like someone's put a hot coal on my tongue.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45It's not so much a taste as almost a physical feeling.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48It feels like someone's sticking hot needles through my tongue.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50That's what we like to hear.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Now it's getting peppery.
0:14:52 > 0:14:57Oh, yeah. I feel like I can't close my lips. It feels like...
0:14:57 > 0:15:00the air in my mouth will expand.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02That's pretty peppery.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04That's quite hot. Ow.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05I want to swallow now.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Oh, swallowing's a bad idea.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Give us a go, I mean, how bad can it be?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I wouldn't do that.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Seriously don't, it is really quite...
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- Oh, no.- See, nothing to it.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19He did it.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Silly boy.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I'm all h...
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Where's he going?
0:15:29 > 0:15:30I don't know.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35LITTLE HOWARD YELLS
0:15:35 > 0:15:36A-h-h..!
0:15:36 > 0:15:41HE YELLS
0:15:42 > 0:15:44You all right, you need anything?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47What makes it stop?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Some yoghurt or some milk will take care of it.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53There's chemicals called capsaicinoids,
0:15:53 > 0:15:55that's what's causing it.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Milk and yoghurt dissolves it down a bit.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Come back for the yoghurt.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Call the fire brigade!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03My tongue's getting quite...
0:16:03 > 0:16:05I think the best thing to do
0:16:05 > 0:16:07is just wait and then it'll go away.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16- HUSKILY:- Thank you for having us, that was very informative.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Are you going to make it?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I'll be OK if I eat a lot of yoghurt.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Hello Big Howard, how are the chillies?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Lovely, thanks very much.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29Yeah, next time I want that sensation I'll come back.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I'm afraid you'll be thinking of us in 12 hours, Little Howard.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Oh, dear.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34I don't know what you mean.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Well, it usually hurts as much coming out as it does going in.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Oh, heck.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42MUSIC: "Ring Of Fire" by Johnny Cash
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Big Howard, what did Michael mean
0:16:48 > 0:16:52when he said it would be as hot on the way out, as it was...?
0:16:52 > 0:16:53O-h-h...
0:16:53 > 0:16:55PARP Oh, dear. Stop the car.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Oh...
0:16:57 > 0:16:58- RUMBLING - Good idea.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I might be about to have an accident.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02PARP
0:17:08 > 0:17:10LONG WATERY PARP
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Oh, that stings!
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Oh, dear...
0:17:15 > 0:17:17PARPING AND YELLING
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Oh, that's a new sensation.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25# And it burns burns burns the ring of fire
0:17:25 > 0:17:27# The ring of fire. #
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Big Howard, I'm starving.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Are you going to eat that?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- Eat what?- That.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38The steering wheel?
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Yeah, got any ketchup?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Blimey, you are hungry, aren't you?
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Oh, I know. We'll stop here.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55All right, lads.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Take a seat, mind the puddle. What can I get you?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Firstly, do you have coconuts?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03No, it's the way I'm standing.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Oh, coconuts. No, most of the stuff I serve here is fried.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Well, quite a lot of it's deep fried.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I bet you've got more dangerous food on your menu than coconuts.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Oh, yeah, I've got wasps.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17You serve wasps?!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Well, I use the menu to swat the wasps
0:18:19 > 0:18:21and I can't be bothered to scrape them off.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26I'll have 20 wasps please, I'm starving.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29If you're hungry and it's dangerous food you're after,
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I've got the most fattening burger in the world on my menu.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- Brilliant!- It sounds a bit dangerous, Howard.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Double brilliant!
0:18:37 > 0:18:40It's called a quadruple bypass burger. I nicked the idea
0:18:40 > 0:18:44from a diner in Arizona, USA, called the Heart Attack Grill.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Why is it called a quad bike biplane?
0:18:46 > 0:18:50A quadruple bypass, it refers to a heart operation.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51It's got 8,000 calories.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54It means it's very, very dangerous, Little Howard.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56I'll have two.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Oh. I've never actually made one before.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01It was a gimmick to get me in the papers.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04That's going to take ages, isn't it?
0:19:04 > 0:19:09- Oh, look at the time. It's cook-it-yourself hour.- What?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Yes, between the hours of four and whenever I close
0:19:11 > 0:19:15I can't be bothered cooking. Most customers usually prefer it.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16PARP
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Give me the apron.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22LOUD BURP
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Right, one quadruple bypass burger coming up. What do I do?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Firstly, you've got to fry...
0:19:33 > 0:19:34..everything.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Bacon going on now.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58That's perfectly normal, don't worry.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02Bert's Cafe is in the Book of Britain's Best Eats, you know.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03It never is!
0:20:03 > 0:20:04It's in this one.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07He's scribbled it in, in crayon.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15There are 8,000 calories in this burger,
0:20:15 > 0:20:19three times more than the average man is supposed to have every day.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Wow.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Voila, the highest calorie beef burger in the world.
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Brilliant!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Are you going to make yours now?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08I've always been interested in extreme food.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I tried to start a chain of fugu restaurants.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12What restaurants?
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- Fugu.- Well, same to you.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17No, fugu. It's Japanese for puffer fish.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Have a look at my advert.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Hey, kids. I'm Lulu McFugu, the tasty puffer fish and I'm a chirpy,
0:21:24 > 0:21:28friendly mascot for a new chain of fish restaurants, Lulu McFugu's.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32If we're not properly prepared
0:21:32 > 0:21:35there's enough poison in one of us to kill 30 people,
0:21:35 > 0:21:38but never mind, because with every kiddie's fugu puffy meal
0:21:38 > 0:21:40we give a cute little toy version of me.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46So, go on, live dangerously and fill up on fugu.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50They say it's the most dangerous food in the world, fugu.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Apart from coconuts, obviously.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Lulu McFugu never got off the ground though.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57people were getting ill.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00What happened, did you not prepare the fugu properly?
0:22:00 > 0:22:03How dare you? I prepared it perfectly.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I used only the safest, most delicious parts of the fish.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11The trouble is, I never bothered washing my hands.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Personal hygiene isn't my strong point.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15PARP
0:22:15 > 0:22:17I can't be bothered to clean the kitchen.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21Filthy. I'm surprised more people don't get food poisoning here.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24It's only about 90%.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Um, please may I be excused?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Oh, dear!
0:22:30 > 0:22:31HE VOMITS
0:22:32 > 0:22:34I think I'm empty now.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Do you still think coconuts are the most dangerous food
0:22:40 > 0:22:41in the world?
0:22:41 > 0:22:45I think coconuts cooked in Bert's kitchen would be more dangerous.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Little Howard, why are you scared of coconuts?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52'Well, it was like this...
0:22:53 > 0:22:55'We was at the funfare.
0:22:55 > 0:23:00'It was a hot June afternoon, you were on the waltzer.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07'I went to the coconut shy. Why not throw some balls at some nuts?
0:23:07 > 0:23:10'There was nothing shy about these coconuts.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17'I had three direct hits on those hairy devils
0:23:17 > 0:23:20'but they wouldn't budge. So I was cross.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22'I jumped over the barrier to take a look.'
0:23:22 > 0:23:26OK, you coconut jokers, where's the double-sided sticky tape?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29'I went up to see if they were stuck down
0:23:29 > 0:23:32'and one of them jumped me.'
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Oh!
0:23:35 > 0:23:39A coconut jumped you?!
0:23:39 > 0:23:40You see, evil.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42It sounds like you got hit by a ball
0:23:42 > 0:23:44that someone had thrown at the coconuts.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Yeah, but I bet one of the coconuts put him up to it.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50For goodness' sake.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Might I butt in here?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54And would you like some chicken soup?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56No, and no.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I think you are referring to a statistic
0:23:59 > 0:24:01put forward by a UK travel insurance company
0:24:01 > 0:24:04that 150 people are killed every year
0:24:04 > 0:24:08by coconuts falling on their heads from trees.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12They claim that this made coconuts twice as dangerous as sharks
0:24:12 > 0:24:15who only kill an average of 65 people a year worldwide.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19You see, Mother said some numbers so it must be true.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24I'm afraid not, Little Howard. It has since proved to be false.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27There are almost no reported cases of deaths caused by coconuts
0:24:27 > 0:24:29dropping on people's heads.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33People die while picking coconuts, falling out of coconut trees
0:24:33 > 0:24:35or riding motorbikes into coconut trees,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38but no more than any other sort of tree.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Oh, so what IS the most dangerous food in the world then?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Well, probably fugu.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Oops.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49I'm not sure about that.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52I think it might be anything cooked in Bert's greasy cafe.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54THEY VOMIT
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Oh, dear. Who moved that bucket?
0:24:58 > 0:25:01LATINO MUSIC PLAYS
0:25:08 > 0:25:11# I'd like to give you the best there is
0:25:11 > 0:25:13# But I don't have the staff
0:25:13 > 0:25:15# So if a dog is sick on my vest
0:25:15 > 0:25:17# I wipe it off with my scarf
0:25:17 > 0:25:19# It's a teatime for toilets
0:25:19 > 0:25:22# It's a dinner for dunnies
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- BOTH:- # It's a lunch that your loo will like
0:25:24 > 0:25:26# But it's not good for tummies
0:25:30 > 0:25:35# I want to give you the very best That's what no-one understands
0:25:35 > 0:25:39# So when I go to the gentlemen's I don't have time to wash my hands
0:25:39 > 0:25:41# It's a dinner for dodos
0:25:41 > 0:25:43# It's not good for your doo-doos
0:25:43 > 0:25:46# Please try one of my doughnuts
0:25:46 > 0:25:48# It will just go straight through you
0:25:52 > 0:25:55# I, I, I, I, I
0:25:55 > 0:25:58# I, I, I, I
0:25:58 > 0:25:59# I, I, I, I
0:25:59 > 0:26:01# I, I, I, I, I
0:26:01 > 0:26:03# I, I, I, I, I
0:26:03 > 0:26:05# I, I, I, I, I
0:26:05 > 0:26:08# I, I, I, I, I... #
0:26:08 > 0:26:09..feel sick!
0:26:18 > 0:26:22# My food is very greasy but you'll lose weight through diarrhoea
0:26:23 > 0:26:27# If you try my dysentery you'll practically disappear
0:26:27 > 0:26:29# It's a teatime to die for
0:26:29 > 0:26:32# It's a supper for suckers
0:26:32 > 0:26:34# It's a dinner to do you in
0:26:34 > 0:26:36# But it's a breakfast for truckers
0:26:36 > 0:26:39# It's a supper to die for
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# It's a dinner to do you in
0:26:41 > 0:26:44# It's a lunch that your loo will like
0:26:44 > 0:26:46# At Bert's greasy cafe
0:26:46 > 0:26:48# At Bert's greasy cafe
0:26:48 > 0:26:52# At Bert's greasy cafe. #
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Some of you might be wondering why during the interval you couldn't buy
0:27:00 > 0:27:05chocolate, sweets and ice cream like you normally can in the theatre.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Well, it's Big Howard's fault.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11That's right. Like Jamie Oliver I'm very concerned
0:27:11 > 0:27:14about the safety of food and the health of our children
0:27:14 > 0:27:17and all the really good publicity it gets me.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20So I have asked the theatre to not sell any junk food or sweets
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- but sell fruit and veg instead. - AUDIENCE BOOS
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Now, I'm aware that some of you would rather buy a choc ice
0:27:26 > 0:27:28than a bag of raw carrots, and...
0:27:28 > 0:27:30For goodness' sake, I...
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Ow, ow, wait!
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Do any of you know how bad crisps and sweets are for you?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37There are over 200 calories in...
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Don't throw good lettuce!
0:27:39 > 0:27:42There are vegetarians out there starving!
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Goodness me!
0:27:44 > 0:27:48Um, Big Howard, I think that on this occasion the most dangerous food
0:27:48 > 0:27:51is fruit and veg, especially pineapples.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Who threw that?