0:00:09 > 0:00:13- Hello!- Ssh! Don't make any sudden loud noises.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16This could all come tumbling down like a house of cards.
0:00:16 > 0:00:21- It IS a house of cards.- Oh, yeah. Well, exactly like a house of cards.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22The glue hasn't set yet.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24(OK.)
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Oh, wow, that's amazing!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Ssh! ..What?!
0:00:32 > 0:00:37I've found a breakfast brioche with my face on it.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39I suppose it does look a bit like you, yes.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41This must be some sort of sign.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Perhaps I'm destined to...to...
0:00:45 > 0:00:49EAT this slice of breakfast brioche.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51It's a miracle!
0:00:51 > 0:00:55It's not a miracle. It's just a quirk of the baking process.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58It's not actually your face. It just looks like it.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59It is! It's me, look!
0:00:59 > 0:01:03It's an exact representation of all my facial features...
0:01:03 > 0:01:07- of BOTH my facial features.- It is not.
0:01:07 > 0:01:12You thought you saw the face of Wayne Rooney in a corned-beef sandwich.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14That was very life-like.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18- It was just a piece of corned beef. - Like I say, it was very life-like.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Well, you can't always believe your eyes, Little Howard.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Don't make any sudden loud movements
0:01:23 > 0:01:26and don't let off that blooming klaxon...
0:01:26 > 0:01:27KLAXON BLARES
0:01:27 > 0:01:33Ah, Little Howard has come up with another of my BI-I-IG questions!
0:01:33 > 0:01:37- Can I believe my eyes? - I do wish you wouldn't do that.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41KLAXON BLARES
0:01:45 > 0:01:48'Coming next on Radio 4, The Archers.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50'This week in 3D...'
0:01:50 > 0:01:53KLAXON BLARES
0:01:54 > 0:01:57# I love monkeys, I love monkeys
0:01:57 > 0:02:01# All those happy, little, chirpy, little monkeys
0:02:01 > 0:02:04# With their tails and their bananas
0:02:04 > 0:02:07# I think that if we all were monkeys, we'd have happier mananas
0:02:07 > 0:02:10# Give me monkeys, lots of monkeys
0:02:10 > 0:02:13# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore
0:02:13 > 0:02:17# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys
0:02:17 > 0:02:20# I wouldn't love her any more. #
0:02:22 > 0:02:26The interesting thing is, we can only afford one dancing monkey,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28but thanks to the magic of telly,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32you can see loads of them doing several different monkey dances.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36But there is only one monkey in real life.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38- I'm not one monkey!- Yes, you are.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42It's such a convincing illusion, you think you're separate monkeys.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46- It's a load of rubbish. - Shut up, you're all one monkey!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Why can't you just tinkle on a little bell?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56It would go rusty.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I can answer your big question pretty quickly, Little Howard.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01You can't always believe your eyes.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04For example, that is not your face on that breakfast brioche,
0:03:04 > 0:03:06and also...look!
0:03:06 > 0:03:08DRUM ROLL
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Wow! You pulled a pound out of my ear!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I can believe my eyes!
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- Just a little trick my funny Uncle Roy showed me.- That is amazing.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- How did you do it?- Oh, I couldn't possibly tell you that.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25That's strictly against the code of the League of the Funny Uncles.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26My Uncle Roy told me about them.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29They're the keepers of the secrets of uncle magic.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31What's uncle magic?
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Well, uncle magic is the magic tricks that people's uncles play on them.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Some people call it rubbish magic but I think that's unfair.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42I'm thinking of working some uncle magic into our theatre show.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- Here we go. ..Ow! - What are you doing?!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Stop!
0:03:47 > 0:03:52- Give me that back. My head is obviously full of money.- It isn't.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I didn't pull a coin out of your ear. It's a trick.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58You're saying that cos you want the treasure for yourself.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00I'll tell you how I did it, then.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04You said you couldn't break the code of the League of Funny Uncles.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09Uncle Roy made that up. What's the worst that can happen? ..There we go.
0:04:13 > 0:04:19Right. So, there's a reserve of pound coins in the elbow of the false arm,
0:04:19 > 0:04:23and when I want to eject a coin, I simply press the index finger
0:04:23 > 0:04:27and a jet of compressed air fires the coin up the forearm
0:04:27 > 0:04:30at approximately 64mph. It comes out of a slot in the wrist
0:04:30 > 0:04:34and into the fingers of the hand, thus.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I'm sure there's a much simpler way of doing it than that.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40It didn't come out of your ear. It just looked like it did.
0:04:40 > 0:04:46- So I can't believe my eyes OR my ears?- Not always, no.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49DOORBELL RINGS Who can that be?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Uncle Roy!- Hello, young Big Howard. - BUZZING
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- Argh! ..Hand buzzer! Brilliant! - Thank goodness you're safe.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Why wouldn't I be safe?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06And why are you in our bin?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I'm in your bin because you're in...grave danger.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12And this belongs in the recycling. Come on, get inside!
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Stop that!
0:05:21 > 0:05:25- Who's this?- This is my Uncle Roy.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- Argh!- He was my favourite uncle when I was a kid.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31I told you about him. Always full of jokes and tricks.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33PHWRRRRRT! See?
0:05:33 > 0:05:34HE LAUGHS Hilarious!
0:05:34 > 0:05:37He's the one that taught me the coin-out-the-ear trick.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I'm sure there's an easier way of doing it than that.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44You haven't told him how it's done, have you?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Er...well...
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Shuddering turnips!
0:05:48 > 0:05:50No wonder he's after you.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Who's after us?
0:05:53 > 0:05:57The Uncle With No Name.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Who?
0:06:00 > 0:06:04He's a renegade magician from the League of Funny Uncles.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06I thought you said they were made up!
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Oh, no, they're very real.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11And they take it very seriously
0:06:11 > 0:06:15when someone gives away the secrets of uncle magic.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19The Uncle With No Name takes it ridiculously seriously...
0:06:19 > 0:06:24VERY ridiculously seriously indeed.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26What does he do?
0:06:26 > 0:06:30I can't tell you that. Are you trying to get us all killed?
0:06:30 > 0:06:34If he hears of anyone explaining the secrets of uncle magic,
0:06:34 > 0:06:38he rains down a terrible vengeance.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Are they the ants that built Stonehenge?
0:06:41 > 0:06:45No, boy, the ants that built Stonehenge are henge ants.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Right! Vengeance means revenge and, for the record,
0:06:49 > 0:06:54- Stonehenge was not built by ants. - Wasn't it?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56No, it was probably built by Druids.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- Oh!- How do you know it wasn't built
0:06:58 > 0:07:01by millions of ants dressed like Druids?
0:07:01 > 0:07:05You are quickly becoming my SECOND favourite uncle after Uncle Pete,
0:07:05 > 0:07:08and he ran over my dog. PHWRRRRT!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Third favourite.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14- HOWARD CHUCKLES - We haven't got time for this.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16The Uncle With No Name is after you.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20- What are we going to do?! - For a start, don't panic,
0:07:20 > 0:07:26cos if you panic, he'll catch you and do something beastly to you.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- Nya-a-a-ah! Nya-a-a-ah! - I said, "DON'T panic."
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I'm actually not panicking. I'm becoming hysterical. Nya-a-a-ah!
0:07:34 > 0:07:37As long as you don't panic.
0:07:37 > 0:07:42I'd better be going, otherwise I'll be in grave, grave danger...
0:07:42 > 0:07:44not as grave danger as you, of course,
0:07:44 > 0:07:48but I don't think that's possible. You really are in BIG trouble.
0:07:48 > 0:07:49Ta-ra.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52No buzzer, I promise.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Ah-ha-ha! Gets you every time.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Ha-dee-ha-dee-ha(!)
0:07:58 > 0:08:00What are we going to do?!
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Nothing. Uncle Roy's always been a bit of a wind-up merchant.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06He's trying to spook us out a bit.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09When I was a kid, he painted all the windows of my bedroom yellow
0:08:09 > 0:08:12and told me there was a custard flood.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15I tried to dig my way through the wall with a dessert spoon.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- OK, so the Uncle With No Name does not exist?- Of course not.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23So that's definitely not him standing at the window?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Aggh!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Who's that smearing up my windows? Clear off, you!- Argh!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31That's the Uncle With No Name!
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I wonder what he puts on his Christmas cards.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37We're in dangerous gravy, Mother.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Grave danger.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40I hope you've got clean pants on.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Well...I did.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46What's that he's got up his sleeve?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Nothing to worry about. Just a bunch of flowers.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53He must know about my hay fever.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Argh!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57What are we going to do?!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- Camouflage.- Camouflage?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Mother's actually had a good idea.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- What's camouflage?- Camouflage is when animals and plants adapt
0:09:07 > 0:09:09to fit in with their background.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14We're not in! ..Can we make this quick, please, Mother?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16What's this a picture of?
0:09:16 > 0:09:21Wow, that's amazing! It's an octopus but it changed colour.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Yes. Imagine being his mother. If you asked him to tidy his room,
0:09:25 > 0:09:27he'd pretend to be the washing machine,
0:09:27 > 0:09:30and if he didn't wipe his feet when he came into the house...
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- Speaking of which, have YOU wiped your feet?- No!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37THEY SCREAM
0:09:37 > 0:09:40HE CACKLES
0:09:41 > 0:09:43HOWARD CONTINUES TO SCREAM
0:09:51 > 0:09:56- What are we gonna do?- We need to camouflage ourselves!
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Right, we need to find a forest full of tall blond men and cartoon boys.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Oh, look over there!
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- Has he gone yet?- Yeah.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Camouflage is brilliant!
0:10:14 > 0:10:19I wonder if the breakfast brioche is camouflaging itself as me...
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- For the last time, that is not a picture of your face.- Oh!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25I don't remember seeing this before.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34That's a stroke of luck.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- Let's have a look.- Yeah. Come on.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Let's find some more camouflage... or not find it.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01What's "Escher" mean, Big Howard,
0:11:01 > 0:11:04and what are those funny pictures meant to be?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07I think you mean Esher. It's a town in Surrey, Little Howard,
0:11:07 > 0:11:11and these are probably pictures of its railway station.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13- WHISTLE BLOWS - I think you'll find
0:11:13 > 0:11:17that these are pictures by the Dutch graphic artist MC Escher.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19That's Escher spelt with a C,
0:11:19 > 0:11:23whereas this is a picture of Esher railway station.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26That's Esher spelt without a C.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30MC Escher specialised in pictures of impossible realities
0:11:30 > 0:11:33that deceive the eye and defy the laws of physics,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36whereas Esher railway station does not defy the laws of physics.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40- If it did, the people would spill their coffee.- Is it your museum?
0:11:40 > 0:11:45No, I'm Mr Allardyce. I am the train guard at Esher railway station.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Blimey! For a train guard, you know a lot about optical illusions.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52I've just been reading the captions on the pictures.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56You must just excuse me. I've a quick phone call to make.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58The train...
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- LOUD SPEAKER: - 'now approaching platform 2
0:12:01 > 0:12:06'is the 3.48 service to Woking, calling at Hersham...'
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Castrovalva and West Byfleet.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12But first, a man called Big Howard has an apology for you.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Do I? Ooh, um...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Um...h-hello.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20I'm sorry I said...
0:12:20 > 0:12:25LOUD SPEAKER '..you defied the laws of physics,
0:12:25 > 0:12:29'Esher railway station. I confused you with the artwork of MC Escher.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30'Very sorry. Bye-bye.'
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- Bye-bye.- All right.- Bye-bye. - OK, that'll do.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36- We'll say no more about it.- Thanks for your help, Mr Allardyce.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Don't mention it. I was just... Ooh! Oh, is that the time?
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Sorry, I must dash. These trains won't cancel themselves, you know.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Bye-bye.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Look! It's a dragon!
0:12:59 > 0:13:04It's just a cardboard cut-out whose eyes...follow you...around the room.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08It's alive! Split up, we'll try and confuse it!
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Good idea. I'll run away and you look tasty.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Its eyes are following me!
0:13:18 > 0:13:20They can't be cos they're following me as well!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23THEY SCREAM
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Aggh!
0:13:38 > 0:13:44Will Little Howard escape the sinister Uncle With No Name?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Is that Little Howard's face in a brioche?
0:13:46 > 0:13:49And who won the FA Cup Final in 1998?
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Find out the answer to all but one of these questions
0:13:53 > 0:13:56after this company tries to sell you something.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Fed up with the sight of your breakfast cereal?
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Well, why not try a breakfast cereal that you can't see?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09New Camouflage Crunchies are the breakfast cereal
0:14:09 > 0:14:13fortified with vitamins, iron and cloaking mechanism.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17They're completely invisible, no matter what bowl you put them in.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19And they can aid weight loss
0:14:19 > 0:14:22if eaten as part of a camouflage-controlled diet.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Honestly, we're not trying to sell you an empty box.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Argh!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Big Howard, he-e-elp!
0:14:37 > 0:14:38A-a-a-argh!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03BELL TOLLS
0:15:21 > 0:15:24You haven't seen a great big sinister man
0:15:24 > 0:15:28- with a black cloak?- Yeah. The bloke who runs this place looks like that.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- Thought it was odd. Never caught his name.- The Uncle With No Name!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- That explains it. - He's chasing my friend.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37I need to find some way of distracting him.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40If only I worked for a 3D holographics company
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- that made images appear from nowhere.- That would be brilliant.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46You don't, do you? Ohh!
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- Luckily, I'm being sarcastic. Come with me.- Ooh!
0:15:49 > 0:15:52No! Argh!
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Get away from me, you fiend!
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Oi! You leave him alone or I'll give you a punch up the bracket!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01You and whose army?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Him and this army. Let's get him.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Oh, no! There are two Big Howards.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Hang on, I've seen this film.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14One of them must be an evil twin.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18I need a simple test to work out which one is which.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Ow! What are you playing at? HOLOGRAM BIG HOWARD LAUGHS
0:16:21 > 0:16:26- It's for your own good, Big Howard. One of you is an evil twin.- Ow!
0:16:26 > 0:16:30No, we're not. Look, it's a hologram.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34It's an illusion created by a company called Musion.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Oh!
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Ow!
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Will you stop doing that?!
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Sorry, I just got into a rhythm.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Ow! LAUGHING
0:16:45 > 0:16:47And you can shut up as well!
0:16:48 > 0:16:53What are you doing? I'm a hologram that you just recorded, you idiot.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Sorry, clean went out of my head. I'm sorry. Duh brain.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00This whole place is a trap. It's set up by the Uncle With No Name.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01We've got to get out of here!
0:17:01 > 0:17:05Thank you very much, hologram Big Howard. Nice working with you.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Pleasure. See you later.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Well, it seems I CAN'T believe my eyes.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12I couldn't tell what was real
0:17:12 > 0:17:16or whether to hit my best friend in the face with a folding chair.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Yeah, best avoided, as a general rule.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23I can't trust my eyes at all. They're useless!
0:17:23 > 0:17:26So I'm not going to look at the world any more.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30I am going to be a hermit crab for the rest of my life.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Hermit. You don't have to be a hermit crab.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I want to be a hermit crab.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Fine.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Goodbye, world of lies.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I reject you forever.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- What time's tea?- About six.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- Yummy! - HE SNORES
0:17:54 > 0:17:59- Hello, Little Howard.- Hello? Um...who are you?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I'm just a dream, Little Howard.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05I look like David Penn, the winner of the British Magical Championships,
0:18:05 > 0:18:07but that's just a coincidence.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11I'm a magician. I can do things that absolutely defy logic.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13They're impossible.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Are you here to reassure me that I CAN believe my eyes
0:18:17 > 0:18:19and that the world isn't full of lies and deceit?
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Nothing is as it seems, in dreams OR in magic.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26In fact, I can show you right now how magic works
0:18:26 > 0:18:29by using these three coins.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31I'm not going to hide the coins in my hand.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34I'm going to keep them at my fingertips.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Now, if you watch, that's the first one to jump across.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41That was misdirection. You were watching here,
0:18:41 > 0:18:44you should've been watching there. That's misdirection.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46The next one, that's sleight of hand.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48You see, it jumped across.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Sleight of hand's very good because you can use it any time.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52You see, it jumps back.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56And the last one, that's that special little bit of something
0:18:56 > 0:19:00you can't put your finger on and that's the way magic works.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02How did you do that?!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I did it very, very well, thank you.
0:19:04 > 0:19:10This isn't exactly reassuring me that I CAN believe my eyes.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Sometimes it's good NOT to be reassured.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Just sit back and enjoy the magic and enjoy the illusions,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19like this classic illusion - sawing the lady in half.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23There's the lady inside and we're going to lock her in place.
0:19:23 > 0:19:29There's her head at that side, locked in, and these are her feet.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Wait a minute. I know how you do this. Those aren't her real feet.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36No, they are real. She can wiggle her toes. ..Wiggle your toes.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Yeah, actually I can smell them from here.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44This bit ensures a clean cut with this piece of equipment right here.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- SAW WHIRRS - It's lucky this is a dream
0:19:47 > 0:19:51and not a TV show, or we'd have to tell people not try this at home.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- SAW WHIRRS - Oh, no, don't saw her in half!
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Oh, poor woman! Oh, that's appalling!
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Oh! Oh, mercy!
0:20:01 > 0:20:05And, as you can see, the saw is completely undamaged.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07But what about the lady inside the box?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09You sawed her in half, you monster!
0:20:09 > 0:20:13If you want to press charges, madam, I'll be a witness.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Let's have a look inside,
0:20:15 > 0:20:19and you will see that we have sawn the lady in half.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Wow!- You can see straight through.
0:20:22 > 0:20:27There's her head, and these are her feet. ..Wiggle your toes.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30We've got to put her back together very, very quickly indeed,
0:20:30 > 0:20:33so we're going to lock up the box and then do the click,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35because it's the click that does the trick.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39And hopefully now...there is the lady back in one piece.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42We'll release the head, we'll open up the legs,
0:20:42 > 0:20:47and she should be able to step out, and she's all back together!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49CHEERING
0:20:49 > 0:20:52All right, love, no need to milk it.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Here, you couldn't show me how to do one those, could you?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Sure. If you get yourself a banknote,
0:21:00 > 0:21:04as long as it's got a picture of Her Majesty The Queen on the front.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09If you fold it at the side of the Queen's mouth right there,
0:21:09 > 0:21:15and put another fold at the side of the Queen's mouth on the other side,
0:21:15 > 0:21:20and then right in the middle, make a fold that goes downwards
0:21:20 > 0:21:22so you've got kind of like a little V.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25If you hold it up, The Queen looks normal.
0:21:25 > 0:21:30If I bend it back towards me, you can see that she smiles.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32And if I bend her forward, she frowns.
0:21:32 > 0:21:37- Brilliant!- Perhaps you could try that on the Uncle With No Name.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40I'll do something a bit more spectacular than that.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- Oh, so you're a professional magician now, are you?- No, but I am a cartoon.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Oh, right. So it takes me years of practice but you're a cartoon,
0:21:48 > 0:21:50so you can do it straightaway. Great.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Argh, help, Little Howard, he's got me!- A nose!
0:21:57 > 0:22:00At last I get a nose!
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Oi, cloth-face, look over here!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Blimey!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12That's the best trick I've ever seen in my life!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Piff, paff, poof!
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- BOTH: Mr Allardyce! - It's you!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Well, actually it's not.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Oh, that is disgusting!
0:22:30 > 0:22:33BOTH: Uncle Roy!
0:22:33 > 0:22:38- So it was a wind-up all along. - You know me. I like a laugh, I do.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42No wonder Auntie Jill got in that cabinet and never came out.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Oh, no, that was another magic trick, Big Howard!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49No idea where she went, mind you.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Well, why did you do it, Uncle Roy?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Your computer email said you've been saying my magic tricks are rubbish,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58so I thought I'd teach you a lesson.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Mother!- All those things we saw - were they all you?
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Yup.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Wow, that's amazing!
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Those tricks were almost as good as David Penn's magic.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- TOGETHER: Who's David Penn?- Ah, he's a magician who lives in my head.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Right. I think you may have hit yourself
0:23:14 > 0:23:18a bit too hard over the head with a cricket bat earlier.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20He told me that you CAN'T believe your eyes,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22but that sometimes that's fun,
0:23:22 > 0:23:25like the miracle of my face in the breakfast brioche.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29Haven't you heard of a pareidolia?
0:23:30 > 0:23:34The human tendency to see faces in everyday objects,
0:23:34 > 0:23:39like the man in the moon or faces in flames or flowery wallpaper.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44- See? What did I tell you? - Mind you, that doesn't explain this.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46What?! I...ee...!
0:23:48 > 0:23:49You've got one too?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- How?- This is a limited-edition brioche
0:23:52 > 0:23:55made by the Breakfast Brioche Company. They sell well,
0:23:55 > 0:24:00- even overtaken the sales of hot cakes!- I was right!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03I have a little trick for you, Uncle Roy.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Hold a finger, any finger.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08- THWRRT! - Oops, too late.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14Wait a minute. Who gave that Breakfast Brioche Company
0:24:14 > 0:24:17permission to use your face? That's illegal.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19- Poor eagle.- No, illegal means... - Hello there!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22You missed a call from your agent, Roger the pigeon.
0:24:22 > 0:24:27- Here it is.- 'Hiya, Howie babies, just letting you know
0:24:27 > 0:24:30'I flogged Little Howard's face to a breakfast brioche company
0:24:30 > 0:24:34'for shed-loads of pigeon feed. I didn't let you know before because...
0:24:34 > 0:24:36'well, I'm quite unprofessional
0:24:36 > 0:24:40'and I've spent the money on ladders and bells for my cage. Ta-ta.'
0:24:40 > 0:24:42That explains it, then.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Shall we get him arrested again?
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I know. Let's wait until after the song.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Believing your eyes is not always wise
0:24:51 > 0:24:54It sometimes defies belief
0:24:56 > 0:25:01So next time your eyes tries telling you lies
0:25:01 > 0:25:06Be brutal, be frank and be brief.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS
0:25:11 > 0:25:15# Your eyes can play tricks on you You can't always believe them
0:25:15 > 0:25:17# If they pop out, you have to retrieve them
0:25:17 > 0:25:20# If they fall in dog poo, you have to leave them
0:25:20 > 0:25:24# Your eyes can play tricks on you Things are not always what they seem
0:25:24 > 0:25:26# Like a rainbow is just a wet sunbeam
0:25:26 > 0:25:28# And the thing about the dog poo was actually a bad dream
0:25:38 > 0:25:42# Your eyes can play tricks on you It's all about perspective
0:25:42 > 0:25:44# Or your mind being selective
0:25:44 > 0:25:47# Or your eyes are wonky so your glasses are correct
0:25:47 > 0:25:51# Your eyes can play tricks on you You've got to keep them in focus
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- # Please focus on this crocus - That's not a crocus
0:25:54 > 0:25:56# It's a camouflaged locust
0:26:06 > 0:26:09# Your eyes can play tricks on you Is it real or just a drawing?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- # Which one should we be ignoring? - If everything was real
0:26:12 > 0:26:14# Then life would be boring
0:26:14 > 0:26:16MUSIC INTENSIFIES
0:26:16 > 0:26:21# But sometimes your eyes They try to deceive
0:26:21 > 0:26:27# You just have to ignore them And simply believe
0:26:27 > 0:26:30# I believe I'm a man
0:26:30 > 0:26:32# I believe I'm a boy
0:26:32 > 0:26:38- # And this is an illegal use of my image!- And that I'm Uncle Roy!
0:26:38 > 0:26:43# Cos sometimes belief It is all that we've got
0:26:43 > 0:26:50# You must believe in yourself Believe it or not
0:26:50 > 0:26:53# Believe it or not
0:26:53 > 0:27:00# Ah-a-a-a-a-a-ah a-a-a-a-ah! #
0:27:03 > 0:27:08Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be amazed, prepare to be amused,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11prepare to send your eyes back to the eye shop
0:27:11 > 0:27:13because you don't believe them any more.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Please give a big round of applause for the amazing
0:27:16 > 0:27:21and completely real magic of Big Howard!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23CHEERING
0:27:23 > 0:27:26I, Big Howard, can make coins appear from...
0:27:28 > 0:27:30..thin air.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45Only one of my arms was fake!
0:27:45 > 0:27:47THEY SCREAM
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd