0:00:02 > 0:00:06'Brad and Angelina, spotted asking Barry Chuckle for his autograph.'
0:00:07 > 0:00:09KLAXON BLARES
0:00:09 > 0:00:13# I love monkeys, I love monkeys
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# All those happy little chirpy little monkeys
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# With their tails and their bananas
0:00:19 > 0:00:23# I think that if we all were monkeys, we'd have happier mananas
0:00:23 > 0:00:25# Give me monkeys, lots of monkeys
0:00:25 > 0:00:29# Oi, you doughnut, it's the monkeys I adore
0:00:29 > 0:00:32# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys
0:00:32 > 0:00:36# I wouldn't love her any more! # Thank you very much!
0:00:37 > 0:00:41As it's the last of the series, we'd like to thank the monkeys
0:00:41 > 0:00:45that have been involved in these titles over the last few months.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49I have been assured that the peanuts are in the post.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53Yes. Their names are scrolling across the bottom of the screen.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55And without every single one of them,
0:00:55 > 0:00:58the show would be pretty much exactly the same
0:00:58 > 0:01:02but with different dancing monkeys. So thanks, guys, thanks, guys.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07Whoo, yeah! Whoo! Monkeys!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Hello. Welcome to Little Howard's Big Question.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13It's going to be different this week,
0:01:13 > 0:01:15I'm coming to you from my cartoon cupboard.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19We've received literally fictional letters from boys and girls
0:01:19 > 0:01:24and students and embarrassed parents in their mid-30s, from all over,
0:01:24 > 0:01:27who want to see the best bits from my show again.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31So, this week, I went up to my dopey sidekick Big Howard and I went...
0:01:31 > 0:01:33KLAXON BLARES
0:01:34 > 0:01:35Oi, Little Howard,
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I've come up with another one of my big questions!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Can we do a clip show, please?
0:01:40 > 0:01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Unfortunately, he was in the greenhouse at the time
0:01:46 > 0:01:49and he was so surprised that he flew through the wall,
0:01:49 > 0:01:51and next door's greenhouse,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54and landed in the next door neighbour but one's greenhouse.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58He slightly squished one of my tomato plants. Just my luck.
0:01:58 > 0:02:05Actually, come to think of it, something bad happens to Big Howard
0:02:05 > 0:02:09every time I use my big question klaxon.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Oh, no...
0:02:12 > 0:02:14KLAXON BLARES
0:02:15 > 0:02:17KLAXON BLARES
0:02:19 > 0:02:23KLAXON BLARES REPEATEDLY
0:02:26 > 0:02:29I didn't realise that happened
0:02:29 > 0:02:32every single time I use my big question klaxon.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35That must be really annoying.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Still, I think it's worth it.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Little Howard, can you come out of there, please?
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Leave me alone. I need my animated space.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- You're not doing a clip show in there, are you?- No...
0:02:47 > 0:02:49I'm playing...
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Philip Schofields and nurses...
0:02:51 > 0:02:55without any nurses, because he isn't ill.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Sounds plausible.
0:02:57 > 0:03:03I've invited loads of celebrities to celebri-tate the end of the series.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05They're arriving now. You've got to come out.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Zac Efron really wants to meet you and we're nearly out of squash.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Who's Zac Efron?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Don't you know who Zac Efron is?
0:03:13 > 0:03:18OMG, LOL! He's from High School The Musical.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21No. I think that's more of a grown-up thing.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Kids don't really like that sort of thing at all.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I think I've met enough celebrities in the last 12 weeks...
0:03:27 > 0:03:32or longer, if you're watching on iPlayer.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35So where's Big Howard then?
0:03:35 > 0:03:40- He's been laid off because we can't afford to pay him.- Oh, that's awful.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- Blah-de-blurgh! - Oucho says that's terrible.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Kirsten O'Brien off of SMart. What on earth are you doing here?!
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- Well, Little Howard invited me up to help get you ab...- Ahem!
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Your chosen subject.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57Who stole all the money from our TV programme's budget in two minutes,
0:03:57 > 0:04:02starting now. Who stole all the money from your TV programme's budget?
0:04:02 > 0:04:06I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me. Yes.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Can we switch places? This is quite scary.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Can we call security, please?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Hello, Mr Jonathan Ross.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Hello, Little Howard. How can I help?
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Well, a lot of money's gone missing from our programme's budget
0:04:23 > 0:04:27and someone said they thought you might have it.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Who said that? It was that cactus!
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Jorrr-than Blogh!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34You watch your mouth, cactus. I'm fed up with you
0:04:34 > 0:04:37bad-mouthing me all over the BBC. This ends now.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41How day? How day, doose-a flong allowarggghh!
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- What did he say, Petrie?- He said he likes your suit and your...hair.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48He didn't say that. Come here!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Oh, dear.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Come on out, Little Howard.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Beyonce really wants to meet you.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Beyonce's not really there.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- You're not tricking me. - No, honestly!
0:05:07 > 0:05:10She's invited us to stay with her and her husband Jay-Zed.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13They live in a Beyonce castle.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15You're always trying to trick me,
0:05:15 > 0:05:19like when you tried to trick me into driving all the way to Scotland.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20What?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- Where does he live then? - It's just up here.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Just along here?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Just around the corner.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36It's just along the road, and up the next one.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Scotland?! We're in Scotland!
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Um... That's the name of the village he lives in.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48It's a very big sign for a village.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Well, they must be very proud of it.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Sounds plausible.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58This is Bonnybridge.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Bonnybridge is in Scotland. I read a magazine article about this.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04This is where they've had all those UFO sightings.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Is it? Oh, that's a stroke of luck.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11My mistake. That was me tricking you, wasn't it?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Yes, it was. Wait a minute!
0:06:14 > 0:06:16I heard a trilling harp.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Was that a flashback? Cos you know how I feel about dream sequences,
0:06:20 > 0:06:23dream sequences, dream sequences...
0:06:39 > 0:06:43Muriel, we've just got a letter from a young lad from Earth
0:06:43 > 0:06:46who would like us to alien abduct a friend of his.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Do you think we could fit it in?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Well, we've got Mr and Mrs Grainger coming around
0:06:51 > 0:06:54for a Venutian fondue tonight. You know the Graingers.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58He's one of the deadly fish people from Cyrius B and she's a whelk.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Well, they could come along, too.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- I think they'd enjoy it.- Righto. How about 8pm for 8:30?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08# Hope the bedbugs don't have talons and great teeth to bite your legs
0:07:08 > 0:07:09# Drain your marrow to the dregs
0:07:09 > 0:07:13# But I'm sure they won't attack you if you lie here very still
0:07:13 > 0:07:17# I checked the bed for monsters There are several underneath
0:07:17 > 0:07:19# And they're sharpening their teeth
0:07:19 > 0:07:22# After gorging on the carcass of a boy who bothered grown-ups
0:07:22 > 0:07:25# He went like a lamb to slaughter All for just one glass of water
0:07:25 > 0:07:29# But you're safer now because there's still a quarter of him left
0:07:29 > 0:07:32# See that shadow hanging by the door
0:07:32 > 0:07:36# It could be a dressing gown or nothing more
0:07:36 > 0:07:39# But it's the rotting corpse of Zombie Jim
0:07:39 > 0:07:42# And I pity any little child who tries to get past him. #
0:07:42 > 0:07:45That's the scariest song I've ever heard.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50Ding dong. The first way people met at the time was by using the sun.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54At first, people just looked up to tell what time of day it was,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57and then they invented sundials.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Days were divided up into 24 hours
0:08:00 > 0:08:05and hours into 60 minutes by the Babylonians, 5,000 years ago.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Oh, are those the monkeys with the blue bottoms?
0:08:09 > 0:08:11No. Those were baboons.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Oh. What colour bottoms did the Babylonians have?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19And you know that the doctor said that going into flashbacks
0:08:19 > 0:08:22about dream sequences can cause dizziness
0:08:22 > 0:08:26and dropsy in cartoon boys under ten.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- MUFFLED TALKING OUTSIDE - Oh, OK.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Little Howard, I've got to go
0:08:30 > 0:08:33and get some more toilet paper for Girls Aloud.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38But just remember everything I've been saying in the last minute, OK?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Yeah, yeah, right... Sorry about that.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43We haven't had a chance to show a single clip
0:08:43 > 0:08:45cos of all these dream sequences and flashbacks.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Our first clip is from episode one.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Now, this wasn't a very good time for me.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I'd just come out of a very bad dream sequence about bed bugs.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I don't want to talk about it,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59although we did just show it in the last montage. Anyway,
0:08:59 > 0:09:04this is what happened when I try to stay awake for the rest of my life.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- BIG BROTHER THEME PLAYS - Day seven without sleep.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12As well as the hallucinations, Little Howard is irritable.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Pass me the cornflakes.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18Why won't that dolphin pass me the flippin' cornflakes?
0:09:21 > 0:09:26Hello, Mr Unicorn. Now, tell me, have we met?
0:09:26 > 0:09:30I really think you should go to bed, Little Howard.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Don't you start.
0:09:36 > 0:09:43You just caught me there, chomping on...a tiny green apple...?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Part of my five fruit and veg a day
0:09:46 > 0:09:49that I and you are supposed to eat lots of.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Sorry about that. I thought that clip was longer.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57Well, let's get on with another request, which says,
0:09:57 > 0:09:59"Dearest Little Howard.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03"Please please please play the clip when you fell in love?!" Ohhh!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05"I'd be forever grateful.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08"Lots of love, Little Susan." But I'm afraid we don't...
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Little Susan...!
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Hello.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16# Love...
0:10:16 > 0:10:20# Love's a little like a crush
0:10:22 > 0:10:25# But that's a nudge and love's a push... #
0:10:25 > 0:10:30Yeah. Thanks very much for your brilliant request. It was amazing.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Really clever and pretty.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Yeah. Shame to let those two big gibbons split us up like that.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Yeah. OK, Little Susan, I'll pick you up at six on my tricycle.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Yeah. It's like a bicycle but it's got three wheels.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Oh...I'm back now.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49See you later.
0:10:50 > 0:10:56Now then, we have received 65 billion flowery smelling emails
0:10:56 > 0:10:58from a computer called Mother,
0:10:58 > 0:11:02and she demands that we play the best bits featuring our computer,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04who is called Mother.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Now, Mother's not actually our mother, although she might be.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10I'm not entirely sure, to be honest.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Big Howard promised to tell me about it one day,
0:11:12 > 0:11:15if we get a second series.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- I know. Let's boot up Mother. She'll know what to do.- No! No!
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Hello! Just going to run some diagnostics. Won't take a jiffy.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Disc present, one two three, yeah.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Common sense chip. No. It's not there.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Doesn't matter! Never liked it.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- Oh, hello, lovely! - She hasn't got a common sense chip.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43She'll have no idea what's logical! I think we should leave.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Date... MOTHER SCREAMS
0:11:47 > 0:11:48It's Friday 13th!
0:11:48 > 0:11:52You mustn't go out. It's the unluckiest day of the year.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Get a horseshoe! Rabbit foot! Four-leaf clover!
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Get a lucky Irishman! Get a four-leafed Irishman with horseshoes!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Oh, for goodness sake.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Oh, yes. Dinosaurs are extinct,
0:12:03 > 0:12:07but how they got that way is over to scientific speculation.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10One theory says there was a very severe ice age
0:12:10 > 0:12:12and they couldn't survive in such a cold climate.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Another theory suggests that a giant asteroid smashed into the Earth
0:12:18 > 0:12:20and wiped them all out instantly.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- I think it was probably because they left the tap on.- What?!
0:12:23 > 0:12:26They left the tap on and they all drowned.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Not a lot of scientists agree with me. Meeeep!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Definitely asteroids.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Little Howard can't sleep, he's had a nightmare about bed bugs
0:12:34 > 0:12:38and I can't because Little Howard's had a nightmare about bed bugs.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40You know what helps me sleep?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Extremely loud rock music.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44- Brilliant!- No! - Thrash metal, anyone?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46That sounds lovely.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- HEAVY METAL PLAYS - Stop it!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Stop it. Turn it off. Turn it off.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54What a life for a killer death robot from space, eh?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Just being a head on a shelf, surrounded by tat.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Ahhh. Well, perhaps you'll get your own series.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Sarah Jane Smith spent 20 years in a cupboard, you know.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Oh, I don't think so. I'll just have to get used to it.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12- It's not so bad now, though. - No, it isn't, is it? Oh, Simon!
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Oh, Mother! When we get out of this blessed cupboard,
0:13:14 > 0:13:17do you think you and I might hire a gondola
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- and punt around Venus?- Venus?! - Venice! Venice.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Ah, Big and Little Howard.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27I foresaw your coming here when you said you'd be back later.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- Oh, no.- What's going on?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I am Mystic Mother.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Look deep into my webcam and I shall tell your fortune.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39MOTHER COUGHS PATHETICALLY
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- I'm fine, thanks for asking. - I didn't.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Mother, why have you asked Doris to be our cleaning lady?
0:13:45 > 0:13:50I went to the doctor's and he said I can't do the housework any more
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- because of my condition. - What condition?
0:13:53 > 0:13:59Apparently, according to his expert medical opinion, I'm a computer!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Never(!)
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- Little Howard, have you got the bongos?- No.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07It always smells like that in here.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11No! The bongo drums. You see, Mel B's a bit upset about something
0:14:11 > 0:14:13and she's just sitting on the stairs, all sad,
0:14:13 > 0:14:18so Justin Timberlake and Bill Oddie want to cheer her up with a rumba.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21We've got the trumpets but we need the bongos.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22No. I have not got the bongos.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Go away! Right.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Let's crack straight on with another exciting montage,
0:14:28 > 0:14:31featuring many of the weird and wonderful...
0:14:31 > 0:14:32but mainly weird people
0:14:32 > 0:14:37that Big Howard and I have met over the entire course of all the series.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- Oh, it's OK. I've found them! - BONGOS PLAY RUMBA
0:14:41 > 0:14:42Oh, for goodness sake!
0:15:03 > 0:15:07I don't know if you've noticed but I had to use some household objects.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Don't worry, though. The principle is as sound as a pound.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12As much as a pound?
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Maybe Jetman shouldn't have had all those bacon sandwiches.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24He's sick every time. Every time he's here, they clean the fan.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Very impressive, isn't it? He's almost as good as the experts,
0:15:30 > 0:15:34the way he's flying up there, Jetman? No. He's rubbish, isn't he?
0:15:34 > 0:15:38I'm flying! I'm flying, look at me!
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Oooooh! I'm flying!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- Could you tell me your name, please? - Enzo.- And you in the middle.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- Tom.- And you at the end?- Charlie.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50What is your favourite type of monkey? Enzo?
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- A chimpanzee.- Chimpanzee. That's nice. And Tom?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57- Chimpanzee.- What do you think, Charlie?- Gorilla.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Gorilla. That is a large monkey.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02I like the way you think. Mine is a pygmy marmoset,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05the world's smallest monkey.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08What I'd like you to do is go on this rollercoaster, several times,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10please, if that's all right.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Tell me how long you think it is, we will tell you
0:16:12 > 0:16:14how long it actually is to find out
0:16:14 > 0:16:17whether time does fly when you're having fun.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22I'm going to be sick!
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Bleugh! Sorry, madam. Whoooo!
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Whoooooo!
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Now, don't worry, this won't hurt a bit.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42When are we going to answer my big question?
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- I'm a little bit busy at the moment.- What are you doing?
0:16:46 > 0:16:51This one will hurt quite a lot.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Is she giving you botox in your botox?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56No. She's giving me nine injections
0:16:56 > 0:17:00just in case that lizard gave me some sort of a tropical disease.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05- How many injections is the lizard getting?- One big one, hopefully.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Is one of them to stop you turning into a dinosaur?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10It's not a dinosaur. It's a lizard.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13I don't think lizard bites work like werewolf or vampire bites.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17- I'm sure I'll be fine.- Nurse,
0:17:17 > 0:17:21could you leave the needles in so his bum looks like a hedgehog?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Well, that's a little bit unorthodox,
0:17:24 > 0:17:27but also sounds like a laugh, so yes, I think we'll do that.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28What? No! No! You cannot!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30No, she can't do that.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32This is a quiet respectable area!
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- DOORBELL RINGS - Look what you've done!
0:17:35 > 0:17:37- You've torn it now.- Big Howard?
0:17:37 > 0:17:41- Hello?! - What do you think you're doing,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44shouting at the top of your voice in the middle of the night?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46- I'm sorry!- You're still doing it!
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- I see what you mean! - NORMAL VOICE:- Sorry.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52You'll wake the whole street up with that stupid mouth of yours.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55It's my computer. She was playing really loud rock music.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57I don't mind really loud rock music.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00It's not everyone's cup of tea but it helps me sleep.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02But your shouting doesn't!
0:18:02 > 0:18:04All I can do is apologise.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Either you belt up or I'll give you a punch
0:18:06 > 0:18:08up the bracket. You hear me?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- I've got to be on my forklift at 6am.- Goodnight.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- Honestly...- Thank you. Goodnight.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Oi! If you want to buy or sell
0:18:16 > 0:18:19a vast quantity of useless superstitious tat,
0:18:19 > 0:18:23then do we have a field full of herberts for you!
0:18:23 > 0:18:29Get down to the jumbo mumbo jumbo jumble sale, starting Tuesday week.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Getting married? Need something old?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Need something new?
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Something borrowed? Something blue? We've got plenty of each.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Or why not come down and throw your money away
0:18:43 > 0:18:48down our ever so good luck wishing well?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Each wish just costs £2.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Or why not make three dreams come true for a fiver?
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Can I keep this?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02So what are you waiting for?
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Come and have a mooch around the jumbo mumbo jumble sale,
0:19:06 > 0:19:10in a big field near you. All products are guaranteed
0:19:10 > 0:19:13to bring you good luck. Oi!
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Welcome back to the LHBQHQ barbecue.
0:19:23 > 0:19:28If you've just joined us, I'm in my cartoon cupboard
0:19:28 > 0:19:29and where have you been?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Think you can just tune in halfway through the show, do you?
0:19:32 > 0:19:36You people make me sick. Would you like a sausage?
0:19:37 > 0:19:43- I said, would you like a sausage? - Lindsay Lohan, I have warned you.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Do not set off party poppers next to Barack Obama.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51Roger the pigeon, what are you doing here?
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Sorry. I didn't know you were in here. I was going to the loo.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Oh. The toilet's at the top of the stairs.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Oh, don't worry. I don't need a toilet.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01- PRRRRPPPT! - Ohhh!
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Wait a minute. I thought you were in prison
0:20:04 > 0:20:06cos you stole all our money.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Oh no, I don't do bird. I flew free on a technicality.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11What technicality?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Well, I'm a pigeon.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16What are you doing in here?
0:20:16 > 0:20:20I'm doing an all expenses spared end of series spectacular.
0:20:20 > 0:20:25- Brilliant. Are you going on safari in Africa?- Um... No.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28- Are you doing a massive celebrity panto?- Um...
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- You're doing a clip show, aren't you? - Yes.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Play some clips of Big Howard being hit round the head with stuff!
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Cor, blimey, I hope the FBI never have to investigate our toilet.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41- What are you up to?- Nothing.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47That hit me in the face, you little swine!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Oh, dear.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53THEY GIGGLE
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Chuck it back, Big Susan! We want to do it again!
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Sergei, eyes right.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Hit him in the mush!
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Oh, no, I can't wake him up! It's dangerous!
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Ou-u-u-u-u-u-u-ch.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17One more time, Sergei. In the mush, Ivan. Hit him.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23You'll keep on this until you get it right.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Sergei and Ivan are trained ladder thwacking experts.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29They could do this all day.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30And again! Oh, come on.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Hit him, Ivan. And again!
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Little Howard, have you got Roger the pigeon in there
0:21:36 > 0:21:40playing a montage of all the bad things that have happened to me?
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- No.- Well, McFly say you have.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Oh, you've got McFly checking up on me now, have you?
0:21:48 > 0:21:51No. They came up here looking for Gwyneth Paltrow's cat.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Agh! A cat?! Oh, I'm off!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Not now! Oh, dearie me.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01I'm sure this hole's got smaller. Fiddlesticks.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Two can play at that game, sonny. I'm going to have a flashback
0:22:04 > 0:22:06about bad things happening to you.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- What? No! You can't!- Oh, yes, I can.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Hadn't you better be careful with that, Big Howard?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Course I'll be careful with that.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry. You OK?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22If I had a nose, that'd be broken.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Here, chuck it here. See if you can get this one.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32So, got to go the speed of...
0:22:32 > 0:22:35That looks simple enough.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39OK. Here we go. Here I come!
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Oh, dear. It's going a bit quick!
0:22:43 > 0:22:47I don't like the speed of light. Why can't it be the speed of dark?!
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- Mayday!- The whole series is flashing before my eyes!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Argh! Ow. Oh... Ow...
0:23:01 > 0:23:04That's a big one. Ow! Oh! Ow!
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Are you all right, Little Howard?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11There are 198 sheep.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13You counted them from down there?
0:23:13 > 0:23:17I counted the number of hooves that trod on my head and divided by four.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Oh, you're back.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26Little Howard, I've had to abandon the flashbacks.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Shakira's got a nosebleed.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Hold it right back, love, or is it right forward? I can never remember.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36How did it happen? ..What?! Lily Allen,
0:23:36 > 0:23:41I told you not to let David Cameron anywhere near those Haribo.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44It's no good, lad. You're going to have to
0:23:44 > 0:23:49- smear some butter round me guts.- I am not smearing butter around anywhere.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Oh, all right then. Margarine'll do.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54You've gone a bit quiet down there.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Have you gone to fetch the lard?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58- Ow!- Right.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Well, that's just about it for the last in the current series
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- of Little Howard's Big... - Argh! Oh no!
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Gwyneth Paltrow's cat's in the attic! Aaaargh!
0:24:08 > 0:24:13Ow! Get off! No, honestly, I really like Sliding Doors. Get off!
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- Oh, me feathers.- Oh, dear.- Little Howard, come out here at once.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- You ARE doing a clip show.- I'm not.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23I know you are. U2 wanted to watch Newsround.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- Who two?- U2.- Which two?
0:24:26 > 0:24:30The Edge and Larry Mullen Jr, if you must know. Anyway, the Edge
0:24:30 > 0:24:33and Larry Mullen Jr off of U2 wanted to watch Newsround
0:24:33 > 0:24:38and we turned on children's BBC and you're on it doing a clip show!
0:24:38 > 0:24:42- Well, if you don't come out, I'm coming in.- No. You can't!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44This is MY cartoon cupboard!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46You just watch me!
0:24:46 > 0:24:49What have I told you about doing a clip show
0:24:49 > 0:24:52without an adult presenter present...ing...
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Arrrgh! I'm a cartoon!
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Well, it's a cartoon cupboard. What did you expect?
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Well, I was expecting a big song to end the episode with
0:25:03 > 0:25:04like we normally do.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Oh, yeah. Well, it's the end of the show, isn't it?
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Oh, look. There's Coldplay. Hello, Coldplay!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Well, we'd better play one of our favourite songs.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Thanks for watching. Bye!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17That was good, wasn't it?
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Very successful, I think. Better than the ones that you're in.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Ow!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34# Is there anybody out there
0:25:34 > 0:25:38# If there is, could you please come and take Big Howard
0:25:38 > 0:25:40# Cos he's never really been to space
0:25:40 > 0:25:44# He is big but he's easily overpowered
0:25:44 > 0:25:46# If there's anybody out there
0:25:46 > 0:25:49# I'd be grateful if you stayed out there at home
0:25:49 > 0:25:51# I don't want to go on holiday
0:25:51 > 0:25:55# I'd be happy with a fortnight out in Rome
0:25:55 > 0:25:57# If there's anybody out there
0:25:57 > 0:26:00# Could you please come here and take my friend
0:26:00 > 0:26:03# Show him all of the universe
0:26:03 > 0:26:07# Buy him dinner at the restaurant at the end
0:26:07 > 0:26:09# If there's anybody out there
0:26:09 > 0:26:12# I'd like to tell you that I'm happy where I am
0:26:12 > 0:26:15# And you wouldn't really like me much
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# I'm a rotter I'd be better off in Rotterdam
0:26:19 > 0:26:22# Ahhh-ahhh
0:26:25 > 0:26:28# Ahhh-ahhh
0:26:29 > 0:26:32# If there's anybody out there
0:26:32 > 0:26:35# Take him to your leader just for me
0:26:35 > 0:26:38# Cos he's never really been to space
0:26:38 > 0:26:41# And he doesn't let me watch enough TV
0:26:41 > 0:26:44# If there's anybody out there
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# I'd be grateful if you stayed right where you are
0:26:47 > 0:26:49# Cos I get a little travel sick
0:26:49 > 0:26:53# I'd be very sick if I travelled that far
0:26:53 > 0:26:55# If there's anybody out there
0:26:55 > 0:26:58# Show him all the stars and a black hole
0:26:58 > 0:27:01# Cos he's never really been to space
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# And he always hogs the remote control... #
0:27:04 > 0:27:06RECORD SCRATCHES
0:27:06 > 0:27:08What?! Is that what this is about?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10I wouldn't let you watch that film last night?
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Well, yes, it looked brilliant and it had aliens in it.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15I recorded it. I forget to tell you.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19- You can watch it when we get home. - Oh. Um...
0:27:22 > 0:27:24BOTH: # If there's anybody out there
0:27:24 > 0:27:27# We are very sorry to have bothered you
0:27:27 > 0:27:30# Carry on invading stars
0:27:30 > 0:27:33# Going shopping or whatever it is you do
0:27:33 > 0:27:36# If there's anybody out there
0:27:36 > 0:27:39# Please ignore all the things that we just said
0:27:39 > 0:27:42# Carry on assimilating Mars
0:27:42 > 0:27:47# Tumble drying or perhaps just stay in bed
0:27:47 > 0:27:57# Stay in bed! #
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd