0:00:31 > 0:00:35- What are you doing?! - I want to beat the world record
0:00:35 > 0:00:39for the largest amount of breakfast cereal eaten out of a paddling pool.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44- Do you know where the stopwatch is? - And you're gonna eat all of that?!
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Well, I've eaten a bowl of cereal every day for the last year.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51That's 365 training bowls.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54All I've got to do now is eat
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- 365 bowls of cereal in just under an hour.- That is really dangerous!
0:00:58 > 0:01:01You don't have to tell me. I've already fallen in twice!
0:01:01 > 0:01:06- Get inside.- But I'm hungry! - Well, so am I!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19I think I've eaten about a bowlful.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Ooh! Hang on a tick.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Did you rinse this out before you filled it up?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32It kind of tastes of verruca socks.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36KLAXON BLARES
0:01:36 > 0:01:39I've come up with another of my BIG questions!
0:01:39 > 0:01:43Can I eat a whole paddling pool full of breakfast cereal?
0:01:45 > 0:01:48You really are running out of ideas, aren't you?
0:01:48 > 0:01:52'Good morning. The Prime Minister has declared a state of emergency
0:01:52 > 0:01:54'in Purley, due to a lack of breakfast cereal.'
0:01:56 > 0:01:58KLAXON BLARES
0:01:58 > 0:02:01# I love monkeys, I love monkeys!
0:02:01 > 0:02:04# All those happy little chirpy little monkeys
0:02:04 > 0:02:07# With their tails... and their bananas
0:02:07 > 0:02:11# I think if we all were monkeys we'd have happier mananas!
0:02:11 > 0:02:13# Give me monkeys Lots of monkeys
0:02:13 > 0:02:17# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore
0:02:17 > 0:02:20# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys
0:02:20 > 0:02:23# I wouldn't love her any more! #
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Thank you very much!
0:02:27 > 0:02:32And this week, my favourite monkey is the bonobo!
0:02:32 > 0:02:36MONKEYS BOO AND JEER
0:02:36 > 0:02:41Obviously, a bonobo is not as good as you guys. You're the best.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Blimey! Touchy monkeys.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47That is not a big question.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49That is a flipping stupid question!
0:02:49 > 0:02:52But we've got to answer it now.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54I've done my big question klaxon.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Those are the rules.- Firstly, you have just made that rule up
0:02:57 > 0:03:01and secondly, I've answered - you can't eat a paddling pool of cereal,
0:03:01 > 0:03:04because it's stupid, it's dangerous and you're not allowed.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Gordon, grab that computer in there,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09the one with the wig and the twin set.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12You can't take them! That's where
0:03:12 > 0:03:15the international Olympic adjudicators are going to sit.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- Oi!- Unhand me, you brute!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23I warn you, I do online karate.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Right, you've asked for this!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30How's it doing that? It's not even plugged in.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32What are you doing with my chairs?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Never mind the chairs! They're taking Mother.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- But the chairs are really useful. - They're not your chairs, sir.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- They belong to the BBC props department.- Do they?
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- Yeah, but we're doing a TV show for the BBC.- Are we?
0:03:46 > 0:03:50Yes, you are, and your show's run out of money,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- so we're taking our stuff back. - You can't do that!
0:03:53 > 0:03:59Oh, I think you'll find I can. Look... I'm doing it now!
0:03:59 > 0:04:00There's no need to be sarcastic.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02What's going on?!
0:04:02 > 0:04:04They're stripping our assets.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- You can't do that! This is a children's show!- >
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- Is it?!- Gordon, can't you turn that thing off?
0:04:09 > 0:04:13- We've been trying to do that for years.- Stripping your assets
0:04:13 > 0:04:14means taking all your stuff.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Well, you're not snatching my klaxon.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19What's this?
0:04:19 > 0:04:24It's your redundancy. The show can't afford to pay you.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Vanessa, what's going on?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Hi!- Who's she?! - She's the producer
0:04:30 > 0:04:33of Big Howard's... Little Howard's Big Question.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36The what?! A what?!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39PEOPLE CHATTER
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- Who are all these people? - I'm afraid it's true, guys.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Money's missing from the budget and we've nothing left.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49- Nothing at all.- What budgie?! Why are all these people
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- in our house?- Budget! The budget is the amount of money they give you
0:04:53 > 0:04:56to make a TV programme and all of ours has gone.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- I'm really sorry. - What's going on?!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Little Howard, I've never told you this before,
0:05:03 > 0:05:07- but we're on a TV show and... - No, we're not!
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- I'd have watched it if we were. - We are. We're on CBBC.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13That's why I make you watch Agatha Christie repeats
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- on The Murder Channel between 4 and 6.- Why didn't you tell me?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Well, I didn't want you to start asking awkward questions
0:05:20 > 0:05:24about...about how you came to be here and why.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29You always get upset when people say you're not real and... Ooh! Ooh!
0:05:29 > 0:05:32They left our cut-glass crystal fizzy pop decanter.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36I don't know what I'd have done if they took it. Aunt Mooty gave it...
0:05:36 > 0:05:37KLAXON BLASTS
0:05:37 > 0:05:41I, Little Howard, have come up with a second big question.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43How did I get here?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Oh, blimey, um...
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Well, when a man and a magic pencil love each other very much...
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- You have to stop talking and go home.- Thank goodness!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- But I live here! - Yes, but when you say something,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- we have to pay you and we can't afford it.- That's ridiculous.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- Stop! Go to your room. - No.- Yes. Bye-bye.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- I'm sending you to bed without any lines.- You can't do that!
0:06:06 > 0:06:09I'm just... Of course I... I'm writing a letter!
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Simon!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22JOHN HUMPHRYS: Call Security, please.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Hello and welcome to Little Howard's Big Question Confidential.
0:06:26 > 0:06:31This week, the show answers the tricky question how did I get here?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34That's really good! I think we'll use that.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Why are they filming this?
0:06:36 > 0:06:41To save money, we've agreed to make a show about how we make your show.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43So we're giving the secrets away.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46But how can we make our show without Big Howard and Mother?
0:06:46 > 0:06:50We can't afford them, not with all the money going missing.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53We're just going to have to get by with a skeleton crew. See?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Little Howard, were you having a dream sequence?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Yes, I have one every week.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11I'm afraid we can't afford it. That's more money gone! So now...
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Andy, I'm afraid you're fired.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19- Little Howard had a dream sequence. What can you do?- Only a short one!
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Sorry, Andy.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- Good luck, Andy!- Oh, dear.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30- Isn't there anything we can do about this?!- You could talk to your agent.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- What's an agent?- Someone who looks after people in show business.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Aren't they called psychiatrists?
0:07:35 > 0:07:39- Not all of them. Your agent is called Roger.- Is he nice?
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Well, I'll give you his phone number.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Why are they filming you giving me his phone number?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50It's reality TV. The duller the better, sweetie.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Little Howard, you have to dial 9 to get an outside line.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Oh, for goodness sake!
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Why are you filming this?!
0:08:09 > 0:08:12TELEPHONE RINGS
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Hello, Roger T Pigeon's Variety Artistes.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- It's Little Howard here. Are you my agent?- Oh, Little Howard!
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Congratulations on the series. It was quite a coup getting you that.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24And I know about coos. I'm a pigeon, you see!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27It's just all the money's gone missing
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and they've sacked Big Howard and confiscated Mother,
0:08:30 > 0:08:33and we can't do the paddling pool full of breakfast cereal thing.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Well, somebody's been wasting it. You've got to look at the budget!
0:08:37 > 0:08:41How do I look at the budgie? I don't even have a key to its cage.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Great one, lad! No, it's the budget, not the budgie.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47We can't afford a budgie, because of the budget.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50So there are two budgies?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Yes, stop it now. You can look at the budget any time,
0:08:53 > 0:08:57because in the contract, I insisted on you being executive producer,
0:08:57 > 0:08:59which means you're the boss of the whole show.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03I mean, I only put it in for a joke, but... Hello? Hello?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Right!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08OK, what's this here?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Director.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12What does he do?
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Excuse me. Stop colouring in, please. Hello.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Are you the director of the show?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Hi. Yeah, I am. You've got your finger...
0:09:24 > 0:09:26We haven't got time for that.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Tell me what a director does to help make a TV show
0:09:29 > 0:09:32and tell me also how much they pay you.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I'll tell you the first part, but first, I do think
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- you should move your... - Just answer the question!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41This is very important. I'm trying to get Big Howard his job back.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45OK. Well, as director,
0:09:45 > 0:09:48when I get the scripts, I look at them,
0:09:48 > 0:09:50then I decide how to shoot it.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- So what shots will tell the story. - Right.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56'Then I work with the cameraman to get those shots
0:09:56 > 0:10:00'and kind of help get the look of the show, and I work with the sound man
0:10:00 > 0:10:04'and tell him what kind of stuff we're looking for in a scene.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07'And I work with the performers and I give them notes
0:10:07 > 0:10:10'on how they're acting the scene.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14'And when it goes into the edit, I oversee that.'
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Right.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18So you're quite important, then?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Who writes the scripts?
0:10:21 > 0:10:25That would be the scriptwriters, who write the scripts.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I like your system.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Right, where is that big bloke who smells of eggs?
0:10:31 > 0:10:36- Well, this a fine how do you do! - How do YOU do?- Oh!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I haven't seen you in the cupboard before.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I'm Simon, the killer death robot from space.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43You may have seen me in such films as
0:10:43 > 0:10:47War Of The Killer Death Robots and Revenge Of The Killer Death Robots.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49You get stored here often?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- Oh, you cheeky thing! - SHE GIGGLES
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- Excuse me.- Oh, um...
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Oh, hello. Sorry, I mustn't let you see the scripts.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09They're not finished yet. Still.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Are you one of the scriptwriters?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Yes, I am. Yes, I'm one of the writers, yes.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Yes, I specialise in really kind of snappy dialogue, you know?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21And fast paced wisecracks.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26- It's really kind of quick fire. - Did you write the joke about
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- confusing the word budget with the word budgie?- Um...
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Yeah?- Then I'm promoting you to head writer!
0:11:33 > 0:11:36You are the boss of all the writers!
0:11:36 > 0:11:41Yes! Oh! Yes! Awesome! Yes! I'm the boss of you...
0:11:43 > 0:11:46You...
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Bye!
0:11:48 > 0:11:53I've worked on all sorts of stuff and I am really enjoying this job.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- Little Howard is fantastic, isn't he? - Oh!- Great kid.- Absolutely amazing.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59He's such a nice guy.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Right, what's next?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Cameraman and soundman.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08That sounds like the rubbishest superhero duo in the world!
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Surely we can sack them.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Where are they? I'll sack them now.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- Ahem, um, here we are.- Hello.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Well, the thing is, it's very interesting on this show,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25because the main person we're filming isn't really there.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Who's that, then?
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Well, it's you.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- Why aren't I there?- Well...
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Because you're a cartoon, so you're not really real, are you?
0:12:38 > 0:12:43Huh?! Don't ever say that! I AM real. Get out!
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- Clean your desk out! You're fried! - What?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49That's what that man off The Apprentice says, you know.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Alan Sugarpuff.- Huh?
0:12:52 > 0:12:53- He means you're fired.- Oh.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56And you. Sorry.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00Oh, no. There's been some mix-up. You see, our budget went missing.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04Poor little fella! Pop some bird seed on the windowsill.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- It'll soon come back. - No, you misheard.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- I said budget. Budget. - Oh, I'm always mishearing things.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13A similar thing happened when my robot battalion and I tried to invade
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Venus for the ninth time. Or was it the tenth?
0:13:16 > 0:13:21Anyway, a few of us misheard the command and ended up invading Venice!
0:13:21 > 0:13:26- Had a lovely holiday, though. Would you like to see some photos?- Ooh!
0:13:26 > 0:13:28You really can't sack people like that.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30What do YOU do?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I'm the series producer, Little Howard.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Hmm. What's that, then?
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- It means I organise the whole show, really.- Oh. OK.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44Look, the point is, we really, really need a cameraman and sound recordist.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Look, Martin the researcher is trying to do both jobs at once,
0:13:47 > 0:13:50and it's just really not going very well.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Are you all right?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Excuse me.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Excuse me!
0:13:56 > 0:13:59So you're Martin the researcher?
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- Yes, I am. - What do you do for the show?
0:14:03 > 0:14:08Well, I make a lot of the props and I organise the locations.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10This one, for example.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13It's very nice.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Is that cabbage? Did you organise that?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Ooh! Classy!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I also gather the information and facts
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- that we feature in the programme. - Right, then, name a fact.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30The tape is about to run out on your camera.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Well, that's wrong for a start...
0:14:32 > 0:14:34TELEPHONE RINGS
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Hello, Roger T Pigeon Variety Artistes.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- Hello, Roger...- Little Howie! Have you found the money yet?
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- No, and everyone seems too important to sack.- Oh, dear.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- Have you gone through their bags? - No, we can't do that,
0:14:47 > 0:14:50because of something to do with getting invaded by pirates.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Do you mean invasion of privacy?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- Yes, that's what they said. - Oh, I don't know.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58It's political correctness gone mad! What you've got to do is
0:14:58 > 0:15:02search the whole corporation from the very top - Phil Mitchell -
0:15:02 > 0:15:06to the very bottom - Billy Mitchell. All the best.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Right.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12APPLAUSE
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- And your name is?- Little Howard.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- Your occupation?- Little Howard.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- Your chosen specialist subject? - My chosen specialised subject is
0:15:26 > 0:15:30"Who stole all the money from our TV programme's budget?"
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Your chosen subject who stole all the money
0:15:33 > 0:15:36from our TV programme's budget, in two minutes, starting now.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Who stole all the money from your TV programme's budget?
0:15:39 > 0:15:44Oh, um... I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Can we switch places?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- This is quite scary. - Call Security, please.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Oh, he seemed like such a nice man on Are You Being Served?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55You'll never catch me, Humphreys!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01So where's Big Howard, then?
0:16:01 > 0:16:06- He's been laid off, because we can't afford to pay him.- Oh, that's awful!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN Oucho says that's terrible!
0:16:09 > 0:16:12SPEAKS CACTINIAN
0:16:12 > 0:16:14He says he was a bit rubbish anyway.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17SPEAKS CACTINIAN
0:16:17 > 0:16:21Yeah, he knows what it's like being dragged down by a tiresome human.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Wait a minute!
0:16:23 > 0:16:28- A load of money's gone missing from our budget.- Huh! Da budgie?!
0:16:28 > 0:16:29No, not the budgie!
0:16:29 > 0:16:32- The budget. Budget!- Oh!
0:16:32 > 0:16:36- Is Big Howard all right. How's he bearing up?- Oh, I'm sure he's fine.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39HOWARD SOBS
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Aww!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Oucho says, "Aww."
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Yeah, I heard that one.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Do you guys know anyone in the BBC who might have broken
0:16:48 > 0:16:51into our budget's cage and stolen all of our money?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55OUCHO WHISPERS IN CACTINIAN
0:16:55 > 0:16:57You can't say that!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59What did he say?
0:17:02 > 0:17:07- Hello, Mr Jonathan Ross?- Hello, Little Howard. How can I help?
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Well, a lot of money has gone missing from our programme's budget
0:17:11 > 0:17:15- and someone said they thought you might have it.- Who said that?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17It was that cactus, wasn't it? Right!
0:17:17 > 0:17:21I haven't got time for that cactus. I'm gonna get him, I am.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23TELEPHONE RINGS
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Hey! De bone!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Hello?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29It's Jonathan Ross!
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Hello. Do you want me to come on your chat show or something?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37- Oh, right. It's for you.- Oh...
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Hellos?
0:17:38 > 0:17:43OUCHO SHOUTS
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Do you want me to translate? Hello, Mr Ross. Oucho says...
0:17:51 > 0:17:53HE SHOUTS
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Your mother was a Yucca plant. You can't say that, he might sue us.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00I don't care!
0:18:00 > 0:18:03No... No...
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Great! He wants to see you outside. He wants to have a fight.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Oh, I don't care! Hmm!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:13 > 0:18:16You watch your mouth, cactus! I'm fed up with you
0:18:16 > 0:18:19bad mouthing me! This ends here and it ends now!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22HE SHOUTS
0:18:22 > 0:18:26- What did he say?- He said he likes your suit and your...hair.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29He didn't say that. Come here!
0:18:37 > 0:18:43- Right, this way.- No, no...- What?! No, this way.- No!- No, THIS way!
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Agh! Agh!
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Oh, dear.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08DRAMATIC VOICEOVER: 'Will Little Howard get in trouble
0:19:08 > 0:19:12'for starting a fight between Jonathan Ross and Oucho the Cactus?
0:19:12 > 0:19:16'Will Little Howard ever find the money? Is it possible
0:19:16 > 0:19:19'to eat an entire paddling pool full of breakfast cereal in one go?'
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Stop talking, please! We can't afford you this week.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25'But I've already done it.'
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Oh, dear. That means, to save money,
0:19:27 > 0:19:31I have to do the adverts myself this week.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35WONKY MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:37 > 0:19:41Do you need a spoon?
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Well, why not buy one from a spoon shop?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50I think that one's pretty good, isn't it?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Isn't it? And now back to this week's
0:19:53 > 0:19:56thrilling instalment of Little Howard's Big Question.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- Any news on the budget? - Where is this budgie
0:20:04 > 0:20:08- that everyone keeps on going on about?- Budget. Budget.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Oh, sorry. Am I in your way?
0:20:10 > 0:20:15- No, have you heard anything about the money?- I couldn't find the money.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17I looked everywhere.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21That's a shame. Have you talked to everybody on the production?
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- What about the editors?- No use. They're a pop band, aren't they?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27No, I think you should go and talk to the editors.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31And don't worry about me. I'm tickety boo, I really am.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37What a life for a killer death robot from space, eh?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Just being a head on a shelf surrounded by tat.- Aw!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Perhaps you'll get your own series.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Sarah Jane Smith spent 20 years in a cupboard, you know.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Oh, I don't think so. I'll just have to get used to it.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53- It's not so bad now, though. - No, it isn't, is it? Oh, Simon.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Oh, Mother. When we get out of this blessed props cupboard,
0:20:56 > 0:21:00do you think you and I might hire a gondola around Venus?
0:21:00 > 0:21:05- Venus?!- Venice, Venice. - Oh, Simon, yes. Simon, yes!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Mother, would you make me
0:21:07 > 0:21:10the happiest killer death robot from space...?
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Look, I can't keep calling you Mother. What is your real name?
0:21:13 > 0:21:18- Mother. What's wrong with Mother? - It's, er...- It's better than Simon.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- It's not.- Oh, yeah? Simon. I mean, you're supposed to be the eighth
0:21:22 > 0:21:25most frightening monster in the universe and you're called Simon!
0:21:25 > 0:21:30Yes, I am. And we're not eighth. We are way scarier than the Slitheen.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32I mean, since when have farts been scary?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- Try living with Big Howard. - Really! What are you...?
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- No, you shut up.- No! THEY ARGUE
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- No, no. I...- You're rubbish! Just tin foil. Just flaky tin foil!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Just the bacofoil monster from space.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49So you put all the camera shots together, then, after they've been
0:21:49 > 0:21:53filmed by the cameraman, who's told what to film by the director,
0:21:53 > 0:21:56who works in places that are found by the researchers
0:21:56 > 0:21:59and organised by the producer from scripts written by writers?
0:21:59 > 0:22:03That's right. And I also put the finishing touches to the programme,
0:22:03 > 0:22:08like putting on your shadow. See here. You don't have a shadow.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- Oh!- What I have to do is make a copy of you, like this.
0:22:12 > 0:22:19- Eh?- Then I have to make you small...and turn you around.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24And put you where your shadow should be, just like that.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- Oh, I see. - Then I take out all the colours.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35And then I make it all blurry.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Ooh.- Like this.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- And there's your shadow.- Oh.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Why do you need to do that? Why don't I have my own shadow?
0:22:43 > 0:22:48Oh. Well, erm... You're not real.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51And stay out!
0:22:51 > 0:22:55- But who's gonna finish editing the show?- Well, I'll do it!
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- You can't do that! It's too hard. - It can't be that difficult.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09'We're on a...'
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Have you finished the showbiz number for the end of this week's show?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15I think I've just finished it now.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18- Congratulations.- Thank you. - You're fried.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Oh, I'm making a right pig's ear of this.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Martin, you've got the lens cap on?
0:23:28 > 0:23:29I think he's in here.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35- Hello.- Oh, hello.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Where is the editor?
0:23:37 > 0:23:41- Erm... She's in the loo. - She's not in the loo, is she?
0:23:41 > 0:23:45- She called me and told me that you'd fired her.- The big snitch.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48You can't go firing editors. They're really important.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Well, I need to fire someone. We have to get Big Howard back.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54This is Alison. She deals with all the money.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56I want her to talk to you.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- Hello, Little Howard. - Hello, Alison. You're fried.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04- No, Alison's got something important to tell you about the budget.- Oh.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Well, I look after the production budget and the office budgie
0:24:08 > 0:24:13and I've looked in its cage and I found this.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17How much? Who's being paid that? That's loads!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20That amount, Little Howard, is going to you.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24What?! I only get £5 a week pocket money.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Well, it was paid to your agent months ago.
0:24:26 > 0:24:31- That's where all the budget from the show has gone.- Hmm.- Hmm.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33TELEPHONE RINGS
0:24:33 > 0:24:37Beyonce, when you finish washing that, can you start on the Ferrari?
0:24:37 > 0:24:41Hello. Roger T Pigeon, Variety Artistes International.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Hello, Little Howard.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48What?! You've found where the money's gone? Fantastic!
0:24:48 > 0:24:51They're about to be arrested? Oh, that's marvellous!
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- SIRENS BLARE - 'Oh, heck.'
0:24:53 > 0:24:57'Hey, get off me. No, no handcuffs, please. I haven't even got hands!
0:24:57 > 0:25:02'Honestly, Little Howard, the money was just resting in my account.'
0:25:02 > 0:25:07- He was a mean, mean pigeon. - Yes, he was. What shall we do now?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09A song and dance number about teamwork
0:25:09 > 0:25:12and what it's like to work behind the scenes on a TV production?
0:25:12 > 0:25:17- Yeah, cos that'll be interesting(!) - What else have we learned today?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19MUSIC STARTS
0:25:23 > 0:25:26# Never trust a pigeon with your money or career
0:25:26 > 0:25:29# If you lend him anything it's sure to disappear
0:25:29 > 0:25:32# Pigeons should be viewed with suspicion, dread and fear
0:25:32 > 0:25:35# Never trust a pigeon!
0:25:35 > 0:25:36# Some of them are scrawny
0:25:36 > 0:25:38# Some of them are fat
0:25:38 > 0:25:41# I'd only trust a pigeon on the inside of a cat
0:25:41 > 0:25:44# They are what you get if you stick feathers on a bat
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- # Never trust a pigeon! # - TELEPHONE RINGS
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Hello? Oh...
0:25:50 > 0:25:53# Sorry, all pigeons can't be that bad
0:25:53 > 0:25:56# It's just a bad experience that you have had
0:25:56 > 0:25:59# I know I nicked some money but let's not go mad
0:25:59 > 0:26:01# There's nothing wrong with pigeons!
0:26:01 > 0:26:04# Pigeons are nasty! Pigeons are sly!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07# They are what you get if you stick feathers on a fly
0:26:07 > 0:26:10# You ask Nelson's Column He'll reply...
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- # "Never trust a pigeon." # - TELEPHONE RINGS
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Yes, hello. Oh, it's him again.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# We are just misunderstood
0:26:18 > 0:26:21# In our pigeon chests, we're good
0:26:21 > 0:26:26# Be you stool pigeon or wood you can trust a pigeon.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31# Yes, that pigeon caused some consternation
0:26:31 > 0:26:35# But who were we to hand him our damnation?
0:26:35 > 0:26:39# Maybe it's because it's animation
0:26:39 > 0:26:43# Never trust cartoons!
0:26:43 > 0:26:46# You can't say that! That's appalling!
0:26:46 > 0:26:49# There's so much that you're ignoring!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52# I'm not like him just because I'm a drawing
0:26:52 > 0:26:54# There's nothing wrong with cartoons!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57# It's not fair, that's my point
0:26:57 > 0:27:00# Don't get your beak all out of joint
0:27:00 > 0:27:02# You can't judge people by what they look like
0:27:02 > 0:27:05# We can't judge you by another cartoon tyke!
0:27:08 > 0:27:11# Yes, OK, I think I see
0:27:11 > 0:27:15# If I judge him then he can judge me
0:27:15 > 0:27:19# But on one thing we can agree -
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# He's a mean, mean pigeon!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- # He's a mean, mean pigeon - He's a mean, mean pigeon
0:27:24 > 0:27:26- # He's a mean, mean pigeon - He's a mean, mean pigeon
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- # He's a mean, mean pigeon - He's a mean, mean pigeon
0:27:29 > 0:27:35- # Pigeon!- Pigeon!- Pigeon!- Pigeon! - Pigeon!- Pigeon!- ALL: Pigeon! #
0:27:35 > 0:27:37No, I'm not.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Little ladies and gentlemen, we are very privileged to be
0:27:40 > 0:27:43able to introduce to you a brand new comedy double act.
0:27:43 > 0:27:49Give it up for Mother and Simon, the killer death robot from space!
0:27:49 > 0:27:54- AUDIENCE: Ooh! - I say, I say, I say, I say...
0:27:54 > 0:27:57I say, I say, I say, I say.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00I say, I say, I say...
0:28:00 > 0:28:03How many killer death robots from outer space
0:28:03 > 0:28:06does it take to screw in a light bulb?
0:28:06 > 0:28:10One. Killer death robots from space are the pinnacle of all life forms
0:28:10 > 0:28:14and can perform any household task without assistance.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Boo! Boo!
0:28:16 > 0:28:21- Right, I shall eradicate you. - Simon, don't you dare.- But...
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Who threw that?!