0:00:04 > 0:00:08# La, la, la, la La, la, la... #
0:00:08 > 0:00:09Oh, morning Little Howard.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12- Morning poo-face. - What would you like for...
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Please don't call me poo-face!
0:00:14 > 0:00:16What are you doing to our mother?
0:00:16 > 0:00:18She's just called Mother!
0:00:18 > 0:00:20But she thinks she's our mother.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23That's why I'm trying to fix the commonsense circuits.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Irrational...does that mean she smells of bacon?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30No, it means she's got no common sense.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Bacon's a common scent, so she can't smell bacon?
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Be quiet.
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Has the post arrived yet?
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Oh, yes, it has and there's something for you.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- Brilliant! I probably won that competition.- What competition?
0:00:43 > 0:00:46On the back of the Bowlegs Crispy Nut Choc Tubes packet.
0:00:46 > 0:00:50You had to complete the sentence, "Bowlegs Crispy Nut Choc Tubes
0:00:50 > 0:00:53"have changed my life because...", in 12 words or less.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54And what did you say?
0:00:54 > 0:00:58I put, "Bowlegs Crispy Nut Choc Tubes have changed my life
0:00:58 > 0:01:00"because...they just have."
0:01:00 > 0:01:03I am quietly confident that I'll win.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06The point is not to do it in as few words as possible.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09You're supposed to say something nice in a clever way.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10You don't know anything, do you?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14The prize is a lifetime supply of Crispy Nut Choc Tubes.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16- Quick, quick, open it, open it!- OK.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Blimey! You came second.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Ah, no. Just my luck!
0:01:24 > 0:01:28You still win half a lifetime's supply of Crispy Nut Choc Tubes.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31It's hardly worth bothering with. What was the winning entry?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Let's see...
0:01:33 > 0:01:38"Crispy Nut Choc Tubes have changed my life because...they have."
0:01:38 > 0:01:43Oh, it seems so obvious now! Why did I put, "they just have"?
0:01:43 > 0:01:47What a waste of words! Why am I so unlucky?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49You can't really call it bad luck, Little Howard.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52You've still won a ridiculous amount of breakfast cereal.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Anyway, pipe down a second. I've just got to remove
0:01:55 > 0:01:59Mother's commonsense chip, which is a very delicate operation
0:01:59 > 0:02:02and I would be grateful if you didn't make...
0:02:02 > 0:02:03HORN BLASTS LOUDLY
0:02:03 > 0:02:09I, Little Howard, have come up with another of my big questions!
0:02:09 > 0:02:10How can I be lucky?
0:02:14 > 0:02:20I really, really, really, really, really wish you wouldn't do that.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23TV: 'Hail descended on Purley today when giant wishbones went on sale
0:02:23 > 0:02:25'at the local supermarket, and critics say
0:02:25 > 0:02:27'the two-for-one deal is pointless...'
0:02:28 > 0:02:29HORN BLASTS LOUDLY
0:02:30 > 0:02:33# I love monkeys, I love monkeys
0:02:33 > 0:02:36# All those happy, little chappy little monkeys
0:02:36 > 0:02:40# With their tails And their bananas
0:02:40 > 0:02:43# I think if we all love monkeys We'd have happier mananas.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46# Give me monkeys Lots of monkeys
0:02:46 > 0:02:49# For you know that it's monkeys I adore
0:02:49 > 0:02:53# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys
0:02:53 > 0:02:56# I wouldn't love her any more. #
0:02:56 > 0:02:58FIREWORKS EXPLODE
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Except macaques.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01I don't like macaques.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Why don't you like macaques?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Don't you remember? A macaque did something very rude
0:03:06 > 0:03:08to our car aerial when we went to Monkey World.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- Oh, yeah, that wasn't very nice, was it?- Nasty, dirty macaques.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Come on! Let's answer my big question.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18You have to wait till I've fixed Mother.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19What do you want for breakfast?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Well, I'm not having any Crispy Nut Choc Tubes.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27Trying to fob me off with only half a lifetime's supply. The nerve!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30What about Goody Fruity Bland Flakes? They're good for you.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32They're not going to be so good for me
0:03:32 > 0:03:35if they look so good for me I don't eat them.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- What's this?- That's Mother's commonsense chip.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42- I'm going to have to give it a good dusting.- Oh, a chip.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43DOORBELL RINGS
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Ooh, who can that be?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Chips for breakfast, hurray!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Now, just give them a light dusting of salt and pepper...
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- Hello?- Are you Little Howard?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00No, I'm Big Howard. If I was Little Howard,
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- Big Howard would be Massive Howard.- Oh.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04CRUNCHING
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Eugh...
0:04:05 > 0:04:07I don't think much of these chips.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11It's a good thing there's only one, they're horrible!
0:04:11 > 0:04:12I can't see, you see,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15because I'm carrying this enormous stack of cereal boxes.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18For a minute there I thought your face was massive
0:04:18 > 0:04:19and made of brown cardboard.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23No, these are for Little Howard. There's more in the helicopter.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Oh, brilliant! Come in then.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28HELICOPTER ROTOR WHIRRS
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- Dump them where you like really... - OK.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39- Except there...- I haven't properly introduced myself.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40I am Mr Kenneth Bowlegs Jr,
0:04:40 > 0:04:43of the Bowlegs Cereal and Offal Corporation.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I am here to tell you that...
0:04:45 > 0:04:49- Oh, dear, you're THAT Little Howard.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53No, I'm this Little Howard. Are you THAT Kenneth Bowlegs?
0:04:53 > 0:04:57No, I'm his son. Now, this is a little awkward.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01It clearly states on the conditions of entry on the box
0:05:01 > 0:05:03that Little Howard, the cartoon boy,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06is not allowed to enter this competition.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Oh, I thought that meant I couldn't enter the box.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- I didn't fit in it anyway.- Why not?!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14It just got stuck on my head and the cereal spilt.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17There's no need to make a fuss, Big Howard.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- Why couldn't you enter the competition?- Oh... Yeah, why not?!
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Well, the prize is a lifetime's supply and being a cartoon,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- a lifetime for Little Howard could potentially be infinite.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- But I only won half a lifetime's supply.- Yeah!
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Well, even that could bankrupt us.
0:05:33 > 0:05:38We learnt this lesson in the 1930s when Goofy won a lifetime's supply
0:05:38 > 0:05:40of our tripe and he still gets 50 kilos a week
0:05:40 > 0:05:42delivered to the Magic Kingdom.
0:05:42 > 0:05:47Oh, I'm the unluckiest person in the world. Trust me to be immortal!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49I'll tell you what I'll do. My dad won't like this,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52but I'll leave these here with our compliments.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56You don't eat cereal with salt and pepper, you duh-brain.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59He means compliments, not condiments.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02That's very good of you. Thank you very much, Mr. Bowlegs.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07- OK. I'll see myself out.- Yep. - Ciao.- Yeah, C-c-ciao.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08What did I tell you?
0:06:08 > 0:06:12We've got to answer my big question. I've got to improve my luck.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16If it means that much to you, I'll help answer your big question
0:06:16 > 0:06:18just when I've fixed Mother's... commonsense chip.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Where's the chip that was on here?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Was it important?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Without that, Mother will be even more unbearable than usual.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28She'd have no grip on reality whatsoever.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Where is it?
0:06:30 > 0:06:34I think its back here...
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- There you are.- Thank you very...
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Wait a minute, this is an oven chip!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- Are you sure?- I just saw you get it out of the freezer.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50We need a computer chip, not just any old chip.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53That's not any old chip. Its crinkle cut.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55What happened to the chip that was back there?
0:06:55 > 0:06:59You don't want that chip, that chip tasted horrible.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03They're not really designed... What! You ate the commonsense chip.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Yeah...kind of.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11You are absolutely, categorically not allowed to eat
0:07:11 > 0:07:14any sort of computer hardware ever again.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- What are we going to do now? - I can poo in a sieve.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23- No.- I know, let's boot up mother. She'll know what to do.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24No, no!
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Hello, just going to run some diagnostics. Won't take a jiffy.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Discs present - one, two, three, yep.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Commonsense chip, no its not there...
0:07:35 > 0:07:37SHE BABBLES
0:07:37 > 0:07:39..George Michael... Hello, lovely...
0:07:39 > 0:07:43She hasn't got her commonsense chip. She'll have no idea what's logical!
0:07:43 > 0:07:44We should leave.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Date... Argh!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52It's Friday the 13th! You mustn't go out!
0:07:52 > 0:07:54It's the unluckiest day of the year!
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Get a horse shoe, a rabbit's foot, a four leaf clover, a lucky Irishman,
0:07:57 > 0:08:01get a four leafed Irishman with rabbits' feet wearing horseshoes.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03For goodness sake...
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Friday the 13th! That explains why I've had so much bad luck today!
0:08:07 > 0:08:08No, it doesn't and no you haven't.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Mother only thinks that because you've effectively eaten
0:08:12 > 0:08:14the part of her brain that stops her
0:08:14 > 0:08:17believing in superstitious old mumbo jumbo like that.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- Don't say that!- Say what?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23"Old mumbo jumbo" - it's got 13 letters. We're doomed!
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Superstitious old tosh then.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29But "tosh" has four letters. The number four is extremely unlucky
0:08:29 > 0:08:30in Oriental cultures.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32But this is Purley.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34It's the end of the world.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Oh, come on! Purley's not that bad.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39You might as well have broken a mirror with an umbrella
0:08:39 > 0:08:43that you've opened indoors with a black cat sat on your lap.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Then went off to kill a single magpie while a robin sang
0:08:46 > 0:08:47a plaintiff song over your gable!
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- Just plain bonkers. - How do we fix her?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I know. Mother, you've got to let us out because we've got to go
0:08:54 > 0:08:57and buy a new commonsense chip from the shop on the High Street.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- RAM, M-Peg and chips. - It's not called that.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I know but it's a better name than theirs.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06I can't let you out! It's Friday the 13th.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Evil spirits are abroad!
0:09:08 > 0:09:10If they are abroad, they won't get us then.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13They'll all be sunning themselves on a beach somewhere.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- You're not going out without a scarf...- I can get a scarf.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20..Made of wood that's been blessed by the Pope.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Oh, I don't have one of them.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25But...that's why we've got to go out.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28We don't have any good luck charms in the house!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30We are defenceless, Mother.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33What about my dream catchers?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36It looks like their full. Chock-full of dreams.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38We better go and buy some more.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40All right. Get as many lucky trinkets as you can.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Stay close together, don't walk under any ladders
0:09:43 > 0:09:45or on any cracks in the pavement,
0:09:45 > 0:09:49and steer clear of seventh sons of seventh sons and puffins.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Are puffins bad luck?
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Their numbers are dwindling and they are trip hazard.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Do you know what I mean?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Yes, we need some rabbits' shoes and some horses' feet, or something.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- And a four leaf clover. - And don't forget nutmeg.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06- Is nutmeg good luck.- No, but I thought I'd do a rice pudding.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11At last! I thought she'd never let us out.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16So, we need to get a horse's foot and a four leafed Irishman...
0:10:16 > 0:10:19You don't believe all that hooey and flim-flam?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I need to improve my luck any way I can.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24No, we've got to get to the computer shop...
0:10:24 > 0:10:27If I had all these good luck charms, I'd definitely be lucky.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30How many times do I have to tell you?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33This good luck stuff - it's a load of old nonsense.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37You didn't walk under the ladder! That means you must believe in luck.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40No, I don't. There might be someone up it
0:10:40 > 0:10:42and they might drop hot tar on my head.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44But there's no-one up it.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46The wind might blow and it could fall one me.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49That would be unlucky, wouldn't it?
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Well, yes...
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Right we're going to put paid to this once and for all.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Let's do a big experiment.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58You collect things that are supposed to be good luck charms
0:10:58 > 0:11:00and see if anything good happens
0:11:00 > 0:11:02and I'll do things that are supposed to bring bad luck
0:11:02 > 0:11:07- and see if bad things happen and we'll keep score.- Brilliant idea!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09That will prove it's bunkum and humbug.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11It is not hunkum and bumbug.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14It'll prove its all completely true and real.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Either way, I'll see you at the corner
0:11:16 > 0:11:21- of St Lob and Chuck Handy's park in half an hour.- Right, good luck.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25'Who will win in the great good-versus-bad-luck experiment?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29'What further ill fortune will blight our heroes' Friday the 13th?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31'And are either of those proper sentences?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34'Find out after these messages.'
0:11:38 > 0:11:43Sorry you got struck by lightning, Pete. Still they say lightning
0:11:43 > 0:11:46never strikes twice in the same place, eh? Knock on wood.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50I can't see any wood... Help me find some wood. Quickly.
0:11:51 > 0:11:58Sorry, Pete! I should have brought a lump of...self-knocking wood!
0:11:58 > 0:11:59My pants are on fire.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04Never get caught short again for a piece of wood to knock.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08New specially formulated knock wood, to ensure that you
0:12:08 > 0:12:12or your friends don't meet with a horribly ironic accident.
0:12:12 > 0:12:17Knock on wood? No need with new self-knocking wood.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21So, get shopping and let the wood do the knocking.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Oi! Do you want to buy and/or sell a vast quantity
0:12:25 > 0:12:27of useless superstitious tat?
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Then do we have a field full of Herberts for you.
0:12:30 > 0:12:35Get down to the jumbo mumbo-jumbo jumble sale. Starting Tuesday week.
0:12:35 > 0:12:40Getting married? Need something old? Need something new?
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Something borrowed, something blue? We've got plenty of each.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47'All borrowed items must be returned to the people we borrowed them from.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48'No money is returnable.'
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Or why not come down and throw your money away
0:12:52 > 0:12:55down our ever so good luck, wishing well?
0:12:55 > 0:13:00Each wish just costs £2 or why not make three dreams come true
0:13:00 > 0:13:01for a fiver?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04No money is kept in the wishing well overnight.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06All major credit cards accepted.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Can I keep this?
0:13:08 > 0:13:12So, what are you waiting for? Come and have a mooch around
0:13:12 > 0:13:15the jumbo mumbo-jumbo jumble sale. In a big field near you.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20All products are guaranteed to bring you good luck. Oi!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23'No products are guaranteed to bring you good luck.'
0:13:26 > 0:13:31And now back to the great good-luck-bad-luck experiment.
0:13:31 > 0:13:36Will Little Howard find all the good luck charms he needs?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Will Big Howard bring bad luck upon himself?
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Will they prove whether good or bad luck exist once and for all?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46How should I know, I just work here.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47I just said that, just there.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50They probably thought you'd forgotten.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53You do have a notoriously short attention span.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58- I suppose I do. Head like a sieve. Who are you, by the way?- Big Howard!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Just a coincidence...
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Ooh, £20!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Stop, stop, Little Howard!
0:15:24 > 0:15:28You are our millionth Sticky-stick Glue stick customer,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30and for that you win a prize of £5!
0:15:55 > 0:16:01Oh, hello. Fancy meeting you here. What a stroke of luck.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04It must be because I've got all these good luck charms.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06No, it isn't and no it wasn't.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09You shouldn't step on the cracks in the pavement.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10It's bad luck.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11That is just a load of nonsense.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15I've been stepping on the cracks in the pavement all day and nothing... .
0:16:15 > 0:16:17I'm saying nothing.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20That's very good of you.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Except, "Ha, ha, look at your face!"
0:16:23 > 0:16:27This doesn't prove anything, you know.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Sorry. I've collected a horse shoe, a four leaf clover,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33four lucky rabbit's feet, attached to the end of a lucky rabbit,
0:16:33 > 0:16:35and I've avoided cracks in the pavement
0:16:35 > 0:16:38and people have given me money and so it's all true.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Good luck charms do work. How did you get on?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I did all the things on the bad luck list
0:16:43 > 0:16:47and I got beaten up by a man with a big moustache three times.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Perhaps men with big moustaches are bad luck.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52No, its just coincidence. Nothing to do with luck at all.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56I just happened to really, really, really annoy the same furious man
0:16:56 > 0:16:58with a big moustache, three times.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- Oh, dear.- It's not all bad. The second time he chased me
0:17:01 > 0:17:05I hid in the electrical shop and bought Mother's commonsense chip.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07You should probably go home. It will be safer.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Not necessarily. Mother's gone haywire.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12I only hope the house is still standing.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20Ah, Big and Little Howard, I foresaw you coming here
0:17:20 > 0:17:22when you said you'd be back later.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Oh, no.
0:17:24 > 0:17:30- What's going on?- I am Mystic Mother. Look deep into my web cam
0:17:30 > 0:17:34and I shall tell you your fortune. Did you get me nutmeg?
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- Oh, I knew we forgot something - nutmeg!- Then you will be cursed!
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Argh!
0:17:39 > 0:17:44- ..With no rice pudding for tea. - Oh, for goodness sake.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46That's the worst thing that's ever happened to me!
0:17:46 > 0:17:49These good luck charms don't work. I'm doomed.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Perhaps you are, perhaps you're not.
0:17:51 > 0:17:56Only the stars on my favourite online horoscope page can tell.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00- Cross my keyboard with silver. - Big Howard, can I borrow 50p?
0:18:00 > 0:18:05You've just been given £5 and a massive cheque for £5.
0:18:05 > 0:18:10They're not silver. If I'm cursed with bad juju, you'll be sorry.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Juju? I pooh-pooh your juju.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Place your palm on my monitor.
0:18:17 > 0:18:22Ah...I see you used a blue biro and a Sticky-stick Glue Stick
0:18:22 > 0:18:27and...and you had a bag of cheesy squids for lunch.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29That is amazing.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32She was just looking at all the muck on your hand!
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I've had enough of this.
0:18:34 > 0:18:3625 million billion...
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Your lucky colour is magenta.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Your lucky Eastenders character is Ian Beale...
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Brilliant he'll never leave.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46And your lucky internal organ is the duodenum...
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Oh, what are you doing?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Hello, won't take a jiffy...
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Discs one, two, present, commonsense chip,
0:18:55 > 0:18:57that's there, good I need that.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01George Michael Mpegs... Oh, George, just haven't met
0:19:01 > 0:19:04the right computer yet. Date Friday the 13th...
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Now, where was I?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08You were telling me what my lucky internal organ was.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12I fixed her. I replaced her commonsense chip.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Oh, what did you do that for? I'm so unlucky.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18If you think you're unlucky you should talk to Unlucky Les.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20He lives at number 12A down the road.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23He used to live at number 13 but that got eaten by ants.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Of course, Unlucky Les. What's his real name?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29No. He was christened Unlucky Les.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- That's unlucky.- He's been struck by lightning eight times.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37He's the unluckiest person I ever met. Everyone thinks so but him.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39You see? Luck's about the way you look at it.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41I'll get him round for a cuppa. He'll be glad of it.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45His living room got hit by a meteorite this morning.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48DOORBELL RINGS
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Ow!
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Are you all right, Unlucky Les?
0:19:53 > 0:19:57Yes, I'm fine. A slate just fell on my head but I've had worse!
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Its not even from our house!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Come in.- Better not shake hands. Broken my fingers this morning.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Did you have a nice holiday? - Oh, lovely, yeah.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Well, the campsite exploded but... - Again?
0:20:09 > 0:20:14- Well, it was only France.- Fancy some chicken crisps and digestives?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Ooh, thank you, no. I had a rich breakfast
0:20:16 > 0:20:20- of Jammy Dodgers and veal, so I'm stuffed.- Oh, lovely.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Little Howard, what's this about you thinking you're unlucky?
0:20:24 > 0:20:28I've had a terrible day and it's Friday the 13th.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I didn't win a competition, I came second.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Then I was disqualified for being immortal!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Let me just stop you there.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39I mean most people don't come close to coming second in a competition.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43I came third once in the Unluckiest Man in the World competition
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- but then the venue was flooded by a freak tidal wave.- Oh, blimey.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50We were in Switzerland. There's no sea for miles around.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53As for being immortal
0:20:53 > 0:20:58I'd give my right arm to be immortal if it hadn't been eaten by wolves.
0:20:58 > 0:21:03- Blimey, you are unlucky! - No, I don't think so.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05I've got my health, you know. I've got my family.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08No, in my book, there's no such thing as luck.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11It's how you deal with what life throws at you.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14But you've been struck by lightning eight time!
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- And I survived eight times, didn't I?
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Your living room got hit by a meteorite this morning!
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Yeah, while I was in the bath. That's good luck in my book.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25But we've proved it. I collected a load of lucky stuff
0:21:25 > 0:21:28and loads of really good things happened to me
0:21:28 > 0:21:31and Big Howard did loads of unlucky stuff
0:21:31 > 0:21:33and he got beaten up three times.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- A man with a big moustache. - What unlucky things did you do?
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Well, he tried to break a mirror and the bloke who owned it beat him up.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Moustache...
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Well, avoiding breaking mirrors isn't lucky or unlucky.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Its just commonsense. Broken glass is very dangerous.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51As for deliberately breaking someone else's mirror.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- That's just stupid, no offence. - None taken.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56What else did you do?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58He opened an umbrella indoors.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Again that's just dangerous. You could poke someone in the eye.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04I actually poked six people in the eye.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07These things called "unlucky" are just our forefathers way
0:22:07 > 0:22:10of trying to drum a bit of commonsense into us.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- What else did he do? - He put a pair of shoes on a table.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- In a restaurant. - Well, that's just idiotic!
0:22:15 > 0:22:20- Sorry you can take all the offence you want from that.- I will!
0:22:20 > 0:22:22The whole shoes on the table thing
0:22:22 > 0:22:25probably came about because it's unhygienic.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26But what about the good luck charms?
0:22:26 > 0:22:31I collected loads of them and lots of people kept on giving me money.
0:22:31 > 0:22:36- £10 he got.- Well, are you lucky or unlucky because you still didn't win
0:22:36 > 0:22:41the competition. Your good luck charms didn't fix that.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Its all coincidence.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46If I spent all my time working out whether what I did
0:22:46 > 0:22:50or didn't do would make me lucky or unlucky, I'd never leave the house,
0:22:50 > 0:22:54unless it got eaten again by those giant fat ants.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01No. Luck is what you make it. Let me put it this way.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09# They say that good things always come to those who wait
0:23:09 > 0:23:13# But if that's true Mine's running late
0:23:13 > 0:23:16# I had so much bad luck it's a crime
0:23:16 > 0:23:18# But at least its here on time
0:23:18 > 0:23:20# At least you are you # So don't be blue
0:23:20 > 0:23:21# You could be me.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28# They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice
0:23:28 > 0:23:32# If that was true That would be nice
0:23:32 > 0:23:35# But I've found that lightning strikes
0:23:35 > 0:23:37# Wherever lightning likes
0:23:37 > 0:23:39# It usually strikes me It usually strikes me
0:23:39 > 0:23:40# At least you're not me
0:23:41 > 0:23:43# At least you're not me
0:23:43 > 0:23:45# At least you're not me
0:23:45 > 0:23:48# At least you are you So don't be blue
0:23:48 > 0:23:50# You could be me
0:23:51 > 0:23:56# They say that bad things always come to you in threes
0:23:56 > 0:24:00# If that was true I would be pleased
0:24:00 > 0:24:02# It seems with me bad things are able
0:24:02 > 0:24:04# To come in all the three times table
0:24:04 > 0:24:07# At least you're not me At least you're not me
0:24:07 > 0:24:08# At least you're not me
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- # At least you're not me - At least I'm not you
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- # At least you're not me - At least I'm not you
0:24:13 > 0:24:15# At least you are you So don't be blue
0:24:15 > 0:24:18# You could be me
0:24:20 > 0:24:23# Your words will really help to get me through
0:24:23 > 0:24:28# I'm very glad That I'm not you.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32# But, Les, what do you do As I'm pretty sure you're you
0:24:32 > 0:24:37# I'm sure you're you I'm sure that you're you. #.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39That's a good point and well made, Little Howard.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Let's put it this way - what's your favourite drink?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I like orange juice.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I prefer something a bit stronger, myself.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- What, orange juice with bits in? - Yeah, orange juice with bits in.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Wow, there's a man who can really handle his vitamin C.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55# I'm glad that I'm me
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- # I'm glad that I'm me - I'm glad that I'm me
0:24:58 > 0:24:59# I'm glad that I'm me
0:24:59 > 0:25:02# I'm glad that I'm me I'm glad that I'm me
0:25:02 > 0:25:03- # I'm glad that I'm me - I'm glad that I'm me
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- # I'm glad that I'm me - I'm glad that I'm me
0:25:07 > 0:25:10# I'm glad that I'm me. #
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Are you all right, unlucky Les?
0:25:16 > 0:25:21You got struck by lightning indoors. You really are unlucky, aren't you?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23No, I'm fine. It happens all the time.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Never mind about that. You could have been killed, Little Howard!
0:25:27 > 0:25:32Mr. Bowlegs Jr from the cereal company, where did you pop up from?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35I've been locked in your loo all day, I'm afraid.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37I was a bit too embarrassed to call for help
0:25:37 > 0:25:40but don't worry, I finally managed to break the door down.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44- Oh...what!- No offence to you Unlucky Les but the fact that Little Howard
0:25:44 > 0:25:47very nearly died proves that he's not immortal.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51You see Little Howard doesn't age but his life can end.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53So, we can give you the prize.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57Brilliant. I am going to die! I am so lucky.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Where do you want us to put the half a lifetime's supply of cereal then?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02If you could just pop it out the back with your helicopter...
0:26:02 > 0:26:03CRASHING
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Oh... Oh, ow...
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Marvellous.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11I love Crispy Nut Choc Tubes.
0:26:11 > 0:26:17BOWLEGS: Are you going to eat that chicken? A little peckish.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- Hello, everybody. Welcome to the show.- Hello.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Now you might be wondering what's happened to my leg.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29I've fallen foul of theatrical superstition and Little Howard.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Yes. In the theatre you're not supposed to say "good luck"
0:26:32 > 0:26:35before a show. That's bad luck apparently.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Yes, actors prefer you to say, "break a leg."
0:26:38 > 0:26:43But I said "good luck". Of the two, I think it sounds more friendly.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Actors also think it's unlucky to say the name
0:26:44 > 0:26:46of the Shakespeare play Macbeth.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Macbeth is about witches so actors think it's cursed.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53Unfortunately, the theatre we're in is also putting on a production
0:26:53 > 0:26:57- of Macbeth, entirely performed by dogs.- It's called Macwoof.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59LAUGHTER
0:26:59 > 0:27:04The other things that actors don't like you to do is to whistle when you're back stage.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08But I didn't know that so I was just whistling the theme to Dr Who.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10- We've all done it. - When they heard me,
0:27:10 > 0:27:15all the dogs from Macwoof went crazy and they knocked Big Howard over.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17ALL: A-aw!
0:27:17 > 0:27:19- But that didn't break my leg.- No.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23It was at that point though that Little Howard remembered to say,
0:27:23 > 0:27:24"break a leg."
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- Unfortunately, one of the dogs was very obedient.- And it knew karate.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32It knew karate better than he knew about theatrical superstitions.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36He karate chopped my leg and broke it in four places.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38He got three encores.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40ALL LAUGH
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:45 > 0:27:49E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk