0:00:01 > 0:00:06Could I speak to big-time Hollywood film producer Kenny Bigtime, please?
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Oh, are you his secretary?
0:00:08 > 0:00:12You're his secretary's secretary's secretary?
0:00:12 > 0:00:15Blimey, he IS important!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18I'm calling to confirm his meeting with Little Howard and Big Howard.
0:00:18 > 0:00:24Yes, he is coming too. Well, someone's got to drive.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26I hope he doesn't wear that horrible suit.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Hello, Mr Bigtime.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Thank you for agreeing to meet...
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Big Howard, I've come up with a great new sketch for our comedy show.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Why are you dressed like that?
0:00:37 > 0:00:41- We've got that big meeting today. - What meeting?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43The most important meeting of our lives
0:00:43 > 0:00:47with the film producer. The one I've been going on about for months.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51No, drawn a complete blank on that one.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53I know. I could show him my sketch.
0:00:53 > 0:00:59- You're on stage and I run on and I hit you with a mattress.- A mattress?
0:00:59 > 0:01:04Or a massive pillow or a stick. I'm still working on the finer details.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Then you get pelted with fish
0:01:05 > 0:01:09and then this massive custard pie falls out of the ceiling
0:01:09 > 0:01:12and splats you completely. Isn't it brilliant?
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Little Howard, that is just not funny and not the sort of thing
0:01:16 > 0:01:19you should show a big-time Hollywood film producer.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23People aren't going to laugh at things falling on my...
0:01:23 > 0:01:25PARP!
0:01:25 > 0:01:29I, Little Howard, have come up with another one of my big questions.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32What is funny?
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I don't believe it!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37You set that klaxon off and nothing bad happened to me.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41This is a complete turning point in my...
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Argh!
0:01:42 > 0:01:46'Custard pies flew in Purley after dancing monkeys invaded a bakery.
0:01:46 > 0:01:51'Police think a cartoon boy may have given them the idea.'
0:01:52 > 0:01:55# I love monkeys, I love monkeys
0:01:55 > 0:01:58# All those happy little chirpy little monkeys
0:01:58 > 0:02:02# With their tails and their bananas
0:02:02 > 0:02:05# I think that if we all were monkeys we'd have happier mananas
0:02:05 > 0:02:08# Give me monkeys, lots of monkeys
0:02:08 > 0:02:12# Buy a doughnut next to monkeys I adore
0:02:12 > 0:02:15# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys
0:02:15 > 0:02:18# I wouldn't love any more. # Thank you very much!
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- Oo-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! - Who was that? Who laughed?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Oh, it's you, Monkey Six.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Why did you laugh?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Well, it's because you're funny, Little Howard.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Funny how? Funny like a clown?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I amuse you? I make you laugh, do I? I'm here to amuse you?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Well, yes.- Oh, yes.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Well, thank you very much for your positive feedback, Monkey Six.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I am promoting you to Monkey Three.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I really wish I hadn't said that.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:02:58 > 0:03:03I think I just answered my own question. That is very funny.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Where did that come from?
0:03:05 > 0:03:10- Where did what come from, Big Howard? - The massive custard pie.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12I built a few props in preparation
0:03:12 > 0:03:17for you saying you thought my sketch was brilliant.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20I'm not sure "brilliant" is the word I'd use.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32All clean.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Can we answer my big question, please, Big Howard?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38How do we answer a question like "what is funny"?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Surely it's completely subjective.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Subjective? What's that?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Is it an ejector seat in a submarine?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51No. Subjective means it's different for everybody.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53What one person might think is hilarious
0:03:53 > 0:03:57someone else might think is rubbish. Some people might not find US funny.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Oh, the very idea!
0:04:06 > 0:04:07You're crazy!
0:04:07 > 0:04:12We haven't got time to answer your big question cos we've got our big
0:04:12 > 0:04:15meeting with Kenny Bigtime from Bigtime Films in Hollywood.
0:04:18 > 0:04:23- How do I look?- You look like a million dollars...in the bath.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Gentlemen, this is Kenny Bigtime from Bigtime Films.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Roger, shouldn't you be sitting over here?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- Don't you work for us?- Not any more.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43This guy's got loads more wonga than you.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Hello, Mr Bigtime.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Mr Bigtime says that he's very pleased to meet you, Little Howard,
0:04:49 > 0:04:53but that he's far too rich and important to speak.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Blimey!
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Mr Bigtime has asked me to tell you he attended your show last night
0:04:59 > 0:05:01and thought that Little Howard was brilliant.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06A comic genius on a par with Barry Chuck.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08High praise indeed.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Big Howard, on the other hand, is not funny.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14"Rubbish."
0:05:14 > 0:05:18"I've had more laughs on my last trip to the dentist."
0:05:20 > 0:05:24"When he forgot to give me an anaesthetic
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- "and I ended up with an infection... - Yes, all right!
0:05:27 > 0:05:31In short, Big Howard should be dropped from the act completely.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33If you'd sign this contract, Little Howard,
0:05:33 > 0:05:35you can start your career in Hollywood.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40- And Big Howard, please leave the building and never come back.- What?!
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Mr Bigtime realises that this will be difficult for you, Little Howard,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46and he has found a tall man with blond hair
0:05:46 > 0:05:49who is prepared to change his name to Big Howard.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Blimey, you can write quick.
0:05:51 > 0:05:57Hi, I'm Big Howard. Little Howard, I do wish you wouldn't do that.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59No!
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Little Howard, this is a really big opportunity for you.
0:06:05 > 0:06:10I think I'm holding you back and I think you should go on without me.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13No! Mr Bigtime, we all know Big Howard's not funny.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- What?! - Shut up. I'm sticking up for you.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19But I can make him funny.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Give me 24 hours.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36HE TRUMPS
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Mr Bigtime says you're on.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44On second thoughts, could we make it 48?
0:06:46 > 0:06:51Mr Bigtime has asked me to shake my head solemnly to indicate...
0:06:51 > 0:06:53You could have done that yourself!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- What are we doing here? - We're going to make you
0:07:02 > 0:07:05the funniest tall, blond man in all of this part of Surrey.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07How?
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Two monkeys fall out of a tree.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Faster!- Two nuns go into a bar.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Run faster! Tell more jokes!
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Two ostriches put their heads in...
0:07:23 > 0:07:26That wasn't funny enough. Faster!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Right, hit him.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Hi. Hi there.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42OK, so there was a sandwich...
0:07:42 > 0:07:47Rubbish! Tell us a joke we know!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Make me laugh. Get your knees up!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53The funniest thing about you is your shorts at the moment.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Be funnier!- I can't go on!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I haven't got any more jokes in me!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02I've had maths tests funnier than you.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Who are these two?
0:08:09 > 0:08:13They're the Tomichio brothers from the Moscow Institute of Slapstick.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- What are they doing here? - Sergei, eyes right.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Hit him in the mush!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- Aargh! Aargh!- One more time, Sergei.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- In the mush, Ivan. Hit him.- Ow!
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- Ow!- Big Howard, we are going to keep on doing this until you get it right.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32Sergei and Ivan are trained ladder thwacking experts.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34They could do this all day. And again!
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Come on, hit him, Ivan! And again!
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- Hey...- Get off! Your rubbish.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Hit the banana. Well done.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Get off!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Oh, well done.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Boo!
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Oh, good shot. Get your knees up!
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Be funny! Be funny and get your knees up!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Faster!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Leave me alone!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Get up, you miserable worm!
0:09:04 > 0:09:06If you're like this, you'll never make it through panto.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18I'm getting pretty good at punching fruit.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Yeah, but the idea is to stop people throwing it at you.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26Oh, yeah. I'm never gonna be funny, am I?
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Don't be sad, Big Howard.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I mean, what is "funny" anyway?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34What's the point of laughter?
0:09:34 > 0:09:39Good morning! Laughter is an instinctive, contagious, stereotype,
0:09:39 > 0:09:43unconsciously controlled, social play vocalisation.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45I can see you're both fascinated.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Humans are the only animals that truly laugh.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Our laughter possibly evolved
0:09:50 > 0:09:53from the way animals breathe while they're playing.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Chimpanzees make laughter-like panting noises when they're
0:09:57 > 0:10:00gadding about. Likewise, rats make
0:10:00 > 0:10:04a very distinctive squeak when they're playing the billy goat.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Billy goats don't laugh at all, strangely.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09What about hyenas? They laugh all the time.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12The noise hyenas make that sounds like laughter
0:10:12 > 0:10:14actually means they're frightened.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17And horses can't be sick.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19What's that got to do with anything?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21I just thought it was interesting.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22But why do we laugh?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Laughter helps society work.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28It's a way humans can show that they like each other.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39See? You're looking at complete strangers laughing and it's already
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- made you two chuckle.- Oh, yeah!
0:10:42 > 0:10:46But sometimes laughter can be bad for society.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Laughing at people who are different from you can divide society in two.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Anyone who's ever been bullied will know that there's a big difference
0:10:53 > 0:10:56between people laughing with you and people laughing at you.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58But why aren't I funny?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00I'm sure some people find you funny.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05I can't think who at the moment, but then I'm only a supercomputer
0:11:05 > 0:11:07with access to the entire internet.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10What we need is a load of people,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13maybe at a comedy show, who could tell us what they think.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15We don't have time for that.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18We've got to prove that I'm funny to Kenny Bigtime, and before that
0:11:18 > 0:11:23we've got to do one of our shows to an audience...full of people! Ahh!
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Yeah. Let's see if we can make a horse be sick.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33No, let's go and ask the audience at one of our shows.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Can the horse come too?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Shut up.
0:11:41 > 0:11:46- Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome onto the stage Little Howard! - CHILDREN: LITTLE HOWARD!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Oh, for heaven's sake!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53What?
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- You've got...- Oh, have I got chocolate around my face?
0:11:57 > 0:12:00I don't know. You've got a Thomas the Tank Engine mask on.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Oh, sorry about that. I'll take it off.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- For heaven's sake!- What now?
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- What?- You've got chocolate all round your face. I'm so sorry about this.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Thank you, Big Howard. - It's fine. OK, we're now...
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Where did you get the Thomas the Tank Engine mask from?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25I got it from Thomas the Tank Engine magazine.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Right. Where did you get that from?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29You didn't cross the road to go to the shop, did you?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32You know you're not allowed to cross the road on your own.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36- Um... I found it.- Right. Where did you get the chocolate bar from?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- I found that as well.- OK, so long as you didn't cross the road.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42We're going to tell you some of my favourite jokes from my childhood.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Oh, do we have to? Your jokes are rubbish.- Yes, we do have to.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- These jokes are rubbish. - They're brilliant.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52They're fantastic. OK, what's black and white and red all over?
0:12:52 > 0:12:56- I don't know, what's black and white and red all over?- A newspaper!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03I don't get it.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05A newspaper is black and white,
0:13:05 > 0:13:09or at least they used to be, and now you read them all over.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12- So it's read all over. It's the past tense of read.- But I don't.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14I just look at the cartoons.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- I like Calvin and Hobbs. - I don't care.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Let's try another one.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21What's green, furry and goes up and down and up and down?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Um, a budgie on a see-saw?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25No, it's a gooseberry in a lift.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Oh, I prefer mine. I think it's more realistic.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Why is a budgie on a see-saw
0:13:30 > 0:13:32more realistic than a gooseberry in a lift?
0:13:32 > 0:13:36When have you ever seen a budgie on any sort playground equipment?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41That doesn't prove anything.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44A gooseberry wouldn't be able to reach all the buttons in the lift.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47It can probably only press up to floor seven
0:13:47 > 0:13:49and then it's got to get out and walk.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- Look, it doesn't matter. - It matters to me.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Let's try another one. Why did the chicken cross the road?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57How old is the chicken?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59I don't know, Howard.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01The joke doesn't specify how old the chicken is.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- Is the chicken six?- I don't know.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Cos if he was six, he wouldn't be allowed to cross the road.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09And if he got found out, he'd get in big trouble.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Look, the joke isn't about you.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15I want some jokes that ARE about me, not about grown-ups or chickens
0:14:15 > 0:14:17or people who can read.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Fine. I'm sorry about this. We'll do some jokes about Little Howard.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24OK, how many Little Howards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
0:14:24 > 0:14:25I don't know. How many?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28One. He holds the light bulb up in the air
0:14:28 > 0:14:31and apparently the entire world revolves around him!
0:14:31 > 0:14:33That's mean. OK, fine.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38- How many Big Howards does it take to screw in a light bulb?- I don't know.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- 20.- Why 20?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Cos he can't do it on his own because he's stupid!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Doctor, doctor, I've got a fly in my soup.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Why are you telling me about your soup? I'm a doctor.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50I'm sorry, I'm a stupid durr-brain
0:14:50 > 0:14:52and I don't even know what a doctor is!
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- Finished?- No, I haven't finished.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Why did Big Howard cross the road?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01No-one knows, because he's such an idiot!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- Why did Little Howard cross the road?- I crossed the road to buy
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- a Thomas the Tank Engine magazine and a chocolate bar.- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:15:09 > 0:15:10That was a mean trick.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- It wasn't a big, stupid, durr-brain, trick though, was it?- No.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16So do you owe someone an apology?
0:15:16 > 0:15:21- I'm sorry I called to a big, fat, stupid idiot, Big Howard.- Thank you.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- Fat? You didn't call me fat.- Oops!
0:15:26 > 0:15:32- Well, that seemed to go well. - Yeah, but did they like me, though?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Let's go and ask them.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Who do you think's funnier, me or Little Howard?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- Little Howard. - Little Howard.- Little Howard.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41You think Little Howard's funnier.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Why do you think he's funnier than me?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45He tells much better jokes than you.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Could you please tell Big Howard he's funnier than me? 50p?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51OK, if you say so. Big Howard.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54As loud as you can. "Big Howard is very funny."
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Big Howard is funnier than Little Howard.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Oh, this is never going to work.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- Didn't really mean it though, did he?- Can we make Big Howard funnier?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- I don't know.- Get some new jokes?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- OK.- Make him wear a chicken suit.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- A chicken suit?- Yeah.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- Make Howard not funny.- There's no way of me ever being funny?
0:16:14 > 0:16:15No, not really.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Hello, Big Howard and Little Howard.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Can you ask me those questions?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Certainly, little boy.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Second thoughts, don't bother. I thought you were rubbish.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29You should be dropped from the act. You're a loser.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Oh, even the audience don't think I'm funny!
0:16:32 > 0:16:37Will our dynamic duo be split up by Kenny Bigtime from Bigtime Films?
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Will the audience notice how tragically unfunny Big Howard is?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Oi! Leave it out!- I'm just saying what everyone's thinking.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- Well, don't! - Look, you've ruined my bit now.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50You're really dragging everyone down, you are.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Are you down in the dumps? Mum or dad stressing you out?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Life just getting you down?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Then you need canned laughter.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Turn your life into one big sitcom
0:17:05 > 0:17:08with your very own tinned studio audience!
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Canned laughter. It's packed with meaty chuckles and contains more
0:17:12 > 0:17:14juicy titters than ever before.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16So get a tin of canned laughter
0:17:16 > 0:17:18and make your family funnier than My Family.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Which shouldn't be too hard!
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Hello, children of Britain.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26The government of this country has decided that,
0:17:26 > 0:17:30in order to bring us further in line with European flatulent simulations,
0:17:30 > 0:17:35as of 6 o'clock this evening, farts are officially no longer funny.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40You may also know farts by the name trumps, grunts,
0:17:40 > 0:17:45pup-pups, trouser thunderclaps or gusset frighteners.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48In particular, we at the Guff Office have decided
0:17:48 > 0:17:52that laughing at the following noises is right out. This one. THHRPP
0:17:52 > 0:17:53This one as well... TTHHHRRRPP
0:17:53 > 0:17:56And especially... THHRAPP
0:17:56 > 0:17:57LAUGHTER Oi, you! Stop that!
0:17:57 > 0:18:00The cameraman is laughing. You are not allowed to laugh at farts.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04- Oh, come on, it's not six o'clock yet. - THRRRP
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Um, that wasn't me. I must have leant on one of the buttons.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09He done a guff!
0:18:14 > 0:18:16They hated me.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Especially the little boy with the sailor suit and the feathers.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24And it's only two hours before we've got to perform.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Little Howard, I think I'm holding you back.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32I think I should resign and leave you to go on and make it without me.
0:18:35 > 0:18:41And the winner of the award for best animated six-year-old comedian
0:18:41 > 0:18:43not lumbered with a real human man is...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Little Howard!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Wow, I wasn't expecting this at all.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54I'd like to thank, um..
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Well, no-one, cos I done it all by myself! Ha-ha!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02OK, bye then.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- I knew you'd say that, Little Howard. What?- Not really.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07I'm joking.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I need you, Big Howard.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13I don't think I'd be as funny without you up there on stage with me.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15That's very nice of you, Little Howard.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18I must say I really appreciate your support.
0:19:18 > 0:19:23Having someone as unfunny as you makes me look like a comedy genius.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- What?!- Come on, there's someone I want you to meet.
0:19:25 > 0:19:30His job is making university students funny.
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Blimey, he must be good!
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Hello, this is Big Howard. We need you to make him funny, please.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Hello, I'm Oliver Double,
0:19:44 > 0:19:48I'm a lecturer in stand-up comedy at Kent University.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Er, normally,
0:19:50 > 0:19:53somebody would be making a joke about my name about now.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56I can't think of one.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Right, OK, I think perhaps you do need a bit of help.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Why do people make jokes about Oliver Oliver?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04No, it's Oliver Double.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- That's what I said. - You said Oliver Twice.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10No, I said Oliver Oliver, but it's Oliver Twice, is it?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11OK, OK, OK.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15So, what makes you think you're not very funny, then, Big Howard?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Well, Kenny Bigtime said I wasn't.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22You don't want to listen to him. Comedy's completely subjective -
0:20:22 > 0:20:24what you find funny I might not find funny at all.
0:20:24 > 0:20:29On stage, he always gets all the laughs and I never get anything.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32That's not true. That thing you did with my name -
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- Little Howard was saying all the funny stuff...- Was I?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Yes, but it wouldn't have been the same without you there.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41The thing is, you're a classic double act.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43You mean, like the Chuckle Brothers,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45the best comedy duo in the whole wide world?
0:20:45 > 0:20:50Yeah, or Laurel and Hardy or Morecambe and Wise.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54One of them's more important, and that's the straight man.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58The straight man feeds lines to the funny man so he can make them funny.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Because he's more important, he's really sort of bossy
0:21:01 > 0:21:04and that's why it's funny when the funnyman says something
0:21:04 > 0:21:06cheeky about him cos it brings him down a peg or two.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10But even though they argue, you can tell they like each other.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14But how are we gonna get Kenny Bigtime to like me?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16There are lots of ways of being funny.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19You've just got to find one that works for you.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23There's observational comedy, where your observe something about
0:21:23 > 0:21:25everyday life, a little detail that people don't normally notice.
0:21:25 > 0:21:30Like, hey, you know when you share a flat with the cartoon boy...
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Well, that might be a little bit particular to you.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Then there's surreal comedy, where you create amazing, bizarre images.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44That's not very surreal, he does that all the time.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Then there's slapstick, physical comedy,
0:21:47 > 0:21:48getting hit with custard pies
0:21:48 > 0:21:51and bashed around the head with a funny object.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54No, I don't really think... Ow! Ow!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Sorry, just illustrating the point.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Grumpy.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Do you think you could teach me all of those things in...
0:22:02 > 0:22:04just under half an hour?
0:22:04 > 0:22:08I don't know about that. Most of it is about finding out about yourself,
0:22:08 > 0:22:11bits of your personality that you can make bigger
0:22:11 > 0:22:12and share with an audience.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15You should stop worrying about what's
0:22:15 > 0:22:17going to make Kenny Bigtime laugh
0:22:17 > 0:22:20and just think about what's going to make YOU laugh.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- Mmm. Thank you very much, Oliver Oliver.- No, it's Oliver Double.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- Double Oliver Double Double? - Yeah, stop that now.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45On the fortnight I booked a holiday there.
0:22:45 > 0:22:50Mickey the monkey made a mess in the manager's mug.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Are you ready for the biggest performance of your life?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- No pressure. - I'm doing my vocal warm-ups.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Kenny kicked a kipper and got clobbered by the cobbler.
0:22:59 > 0:23:04Hiya, lads! I just popped backstage to wish you good luck, Big Howard,
0:23:04 > 0:23:07with your final performance ever.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Don't listen to him, Big Howard!
0:23:08 > 0:23:13Bertie biffed a big baguette and bought a bag of biscuits!
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Big Howard is going to be hilarious.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Well, there's a first time for everything.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Oh, it's time for you to go on.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- Don't worry, I'll introduce you! - No!- No!
0:23:23 > 0:23:26No, in the name of...!
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Ladies and gentlemen, and nasty little kids.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Please welcome a sensation
0:23:37 > 0:23:40that's about to take the world of comedy by storm,
0:23:40 > 0:23:43and the big fat worthless loser who always hangs around with him.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Please clap your hands and share your breakfast for Little Howard!
0:23:47 > 0:23:48And some bloke.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Er, hello, everybody.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59Erm, my name's Big Howard, and this is, erm...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Oh, erm, what's your name?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- Little Howard!- I knew that.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06And we are the world's first human...
0:24:06 > 0:24:10- Oh, I know this!- Human cartoon double act, what are you doing?!
0:24:10 > 0:24:12I'm sorry, I'm just really nervous!
0:24:12 > 0:24:16Snap out of it, Big Howard, don't lose it now.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18That'll sort 'em.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Oh!
0:24:20 > 0:24:24Keep it together, Big Howard, last time they threw pineapples.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26BOOING
0:24:26 > 0:24:28OK...
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Two monkeys walk into a restaurant.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Er... And the service is really bad...
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Little Howard, where are you doing, Little Howard?
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Little Howard, get down! What are you doing?!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Don't hit me with a mattress, this is a really important show!
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I'm just trusting my comedy instincts, Big Howard.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Do not pelt me with fish, I will not be pelted with fish
0:25:09 > 0:25:13in front of paying members of the public.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17Stop that. Ow! Do not pelt me with fish!
0:25:17 > 0:25:19If you insist...
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Ha-ha-ha-ha! Right on the pecker!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32LAUGHTER
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Thank you very much, a round of applause for Big Howard!
0:25:36 > 0:25:40We are Big Howard and Little Howard!
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Thank you. Thank you...Oh, dear!
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Hey, that were right funny, that. You're a proper belter, you.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Who, me?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Well, both of you. I get it now.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02He gets on your nerves and you lose your temper. Hilarious!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04And then he hits you with stuff.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06That's called slapstick. That is brilliant.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Big Howard doesn't have to leave?!
0:26:08 > 0:26:12- Course not, he can stay - on one condition.- What?
0:26:12 > 0:26:15You let me have a go at hitting you with stuff.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Get me a great big mallet. And cue the music!
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Oh, for heaven's sake. Blimmin' Americans.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25# There are many things that you could do in this old world
0:26:25 > 0:26:28# Every life must find its own true path
0:26:28 > 0:26:31# But please do take a moment as your fortunes are unfurled
0:26:31 > 0:26:33# You could try to make somebody laugh!
0:26:33 > 0:26:36# Slapstick, slapstick You may not approve
0:26:36 > 0:26:39# But it can make me laugh so hard that I can hardly move
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# Slapstick, slapstick, You may not agree
0:26:41 > 0:26:45# But you haven't seen a cartoon monkey fall out of a tree
0:26:49 > 0:26:52# You can try some witty banter, you can hit them with a pun
0:26:52 > 0:26:55# You can shock them with the truth or with a lie
0:26:55 > 0:26:58# You can double your entendre, cos doing it is fun
0:26:58 > 0:27:01# But if in doubt, just hit them with a pie!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# Slapstick, slapstick You may think it's coarse
0:27:04 > 0:27:07# But you haven't seen a fat man falling off a horse
0:27:07 > 0:27:09# Slapstick, slapstick You may think it's base
0:27:09 > 0:27:13# But you will not be laughing when this pie goes in your face!
0:27:16 > 0:27:20# You can give a man a fish, he will eat for a day
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# Teach him how to fish, he'll eat for life
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# But if you hit him with a fish he will not know what to say
0:27:26 > 0:27:29# But you will really entertain his wife!
0:27:29 > 0:27:31# Slapstick, slapstick, you may think it's base
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# But you will not be laughing when this pie goes in your face
0:27:34 > 0:27:37# Slapstick, slapstick, you may not approve
0:27:37 > 0:27:40# But it can make me laugh so hard that I can hardly move!
0:27:40 > 0:27:43# Slapstick, slapstick, you may think it's coarse
0:27:43 > 0:27:45# But you haven't seen a fat man falling off a horse
0:27:45 > 0:27:48# Slapstick, slapstick, you may not agree
0:27:48 > 0:27:52# But it can make me laugh so hard I do a bit of wee! #
0:27:55 > 0:27:58LOUD LAUGHTER
0:28:03 > 0:28:05So, where do we sign?
0:28:07 > 0:28:10I can say that, this is kids' telly. OK, if you insist.
0:28:10 > 0:28:15You are without reservation the greatest biggest pile of...
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:19 > 0:28:21E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk