0:00:04 > 0:00:08- You caught anything yet? - Just a couple of stickle bricks.
0:00:08 > 0:00:09Stickle bricks...
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Great! That's the last wire!
0:00:13 > 0:00:16This should fetch me a few quid at the boot sale.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Oh, dear.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19Um...
0:00:19 > 0:00:21We would like to apologise
0:00:21 > 0:00:25for the loss of this week's episode of Little Howard's Big Question.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27This was due to...erm...
0:00:27 > 0:00:30you not having a good enough telly.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32It was not because Roger T Pigeon was removing
0:00:32 > 0:00:35broadcast equipment so he could flog it at a car boot sale
0:00:35 > 0:00:36in Cheam tomorrow morning.
0:00:36 > 0:00:41£200, or nearest offer. So don't anyone go calling the police.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Bye!
0:00:45 > 0:00:49# I love money I love dummies...
0:00:52 > 0:00:53# With their tails
0:00:53 > 0:00:55# And their bananas
0:00:55 > 0:00:58# I think that if we all were monkeys We'd have happier mananas
0:00:58 > 0:01:00- # Give us porridge - We love porridge
0:01:00 > 0:01:02# Lots of porridge... #
0:01:02 > 0:01:05# You know that's it's the monkeys I despise
0:01:05 > 0:01:08# If my love said that she did not love koalas
0:01:08 > 0:01:11# I'd call her a great galah... #
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Oh, flipping heck...
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Nothing to see here.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Run along and watch these... What does that button say?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21"Klaxon moments."
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Argh!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28KLAXON BLARES
0:01:28 > 0:01:32I, Little Howard, have come up with another of my bi-i-ig questions.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37KLAXON BLARES
0:01:37 > 0:01:38KLAXON BLARES
0:01:38 > 0:01:41KLAXON BLARES
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Nothing bad happened to me!
0:01:42 > 0:01:43RIPPING
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Oh, dear.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47KLAXON BLARES
0:01:48 > 0:01:50KLAXON BLARES
0:01:50 > 0:01:52KLAXON BLARES
0:01:52 > 0:01:56How can I get Father Christmas to star in our nativity play?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58No-one's supposed to put their head
0:01:58 > 0:02:00through the stable door until Act Two!
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Ah! Oh!
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Priceless.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10I can't get enough of watching Big Howard get grievously injured.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Oh, well, better get back to the pilfering.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15This office equipment won't nick itself, you know.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Oh, maybe I'll watch one more.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Hooray!
0:02:24 > 0:02:30You might feel a slight tingling sensation when I press this button.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Argh!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- Wow!- What are you doing?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Just testing the principals of Luigi Galvani.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Oh, OK, then. Argh...
0:02:41 > 0:02:44How's the digging going, Little Howard? Argh!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47SMACK! SMACK!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50I'm sorry, Big Howard, but you were becoming hysterical.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- I'm not invisible, am I?- No.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Mum?!
0:03:06 > 0:03:08PIGEON LAUGHS
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Priceless.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Oh... Ow!
0:03:13 > 0:03:14Wagh!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17We need to extract...
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Sorry, I can't hear you say, "I don't want to do this,"
0:03:27 > 0:03:29because you're in a wind tunnel.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34No!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I've got it!
0:03:37 > 0:03:40HE SCREAMS
0:03:40 > 0:03:42KLAXON BLARES I, Little Howard, have come...
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Argh!
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Oh! I could watch that again and again.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52In fact... Oi! What's happening here?!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Something's playing all by itself!
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Hello, and welcome to my deleted scenes show reel,
0:03:59 > 0:04:02bits of the show that didn't get on telly
0:04:02 > 0:04:06because our producer Kez accidentally baked the keys to the tape cupboard
0:04:06 > 0:04:08into a tofu risotto.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10It happened several times.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I really don't know why we kept giving them back to her.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16This first previously unseen obscene scene
0:04:16 > 0:04:21is from the episode when Big Howard had a secret government organisation
0:04:21 > 0:04:24after him, trying to harness the smell of his bum
0:04:24 > 0:04:25for queen and country.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28# Because when the sun shines We'll shine together
0:04:28 > 0:04:31# Told you I'll be here forever
0:04:31 > 0:04:33# Said I'll always be your friend
0:04:33 > 0:04:36# I'm going to stick it out to the end
0:04:36 > 0:04:37# Now it's raining more than ever
0:04:37 > 0:04:40# Know that we'll still have each other
0:04:40 > 0:04:45# You can stand under my umbrella You can stand under my umbrella
0:04:47 > 0:04:50# You can stand under my umbrella... #
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- What do we do?- Disguise ourselves as hot dog sellers.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Of course... What?!
0:04:57 > 0:05:02- What?!- Hot dogs, hot dogs, come and get your hot dogs!
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Free onions with every hot dog.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Johnson.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14I...I really...
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- I really fancy a hot dog, do you want one?- Erm, sir,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20oughtn't we try and track down that nasty smell? We almost caught them.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Johnson, an army marches on its stomach,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26or is that a snail? I can never remember.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- Two hot dogs, please. - Certainly, guv'nor.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- That will be £64, please. - A bit steep, isn't it, sonny?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34These are made from real dogs, sir.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Ooh, lovely.
0:05:36 > 0:05:42- Oh, and both sorts of mustard. Marvellous.- Sir...
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Yes, yes, yes, yes... Sorry. Thanks. Must be off.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47I can't believe that act...
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Agh!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Blooming good hot dog.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Well done!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I can't believe that actually worked.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Why wouldn't it have worked?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00It always works. It's a classic.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I suppose the smell of the onions disguised your honk.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Oh, that is lovely.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- Is that Ribena?- Oh, no.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Is that any of the other blackcurrant cordials
0:06:19 > 0:06:21that are available on the market?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23It's a cheeky little red from a cheeky little redhead boy.
0:06:23 > 0:06:29It is blood! I find it most excellent for writing letters!
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Some things use their smell to scare off attackers,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36like the striped polecat, skunk and bombardier beetle.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Excuse me, have you got change for the parking meter?
0:06:39 > 0:06:41AARGH!!!
0:06:41 > 0:06:46The Corpse plant uses its horrible smell to advertise!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Yummy! All you can eat rotting flesh buffet!
0:06:49 > 0:06:53It smells of rotting meat to attract meat-eating beetles and flies
0:06:53 > 0:06:54so they pollinate.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58By the glimmer of the half-extinguished light,
0:06:58 > 0:07:02I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open.
0:07:02 > 0:07:08It breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13It's ali-i-ive!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16# A super-visor!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19# It's the only thing that will get me through
0:07:19 > 0:07:21# A super-visor
0:07:21 > 0:07:25# Put them on and they'll show me what to do
0:07:25 > 0:07:27# A super-visor
0:07:27 > 0:07:30# It will blow their evil plan open wide
0:07:31 > 0:07:33# A super-visor
0:07:33 > 0:07:38# When you're wearing your underpants outside. #
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Oh!
0:07:40 > 0:07:44Oh! I just had the weirdest dream sequence!
0:07:44 > 0:07:49It was like loads of different dream sequences all edited together,
0:07:49 > 0:07:52in a bit of a hurry by someone who hasn't slept for eight days.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Reminds me of a dream I had once about
0:07:54 > 0:07:58getting banned from Madame Tussauds for making a nest in Amy Winehouse.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00No, that actually happened, didn't it?
0:08:00 > 0:08:05Speaking of which... What is an Everyday Ridiculousness Montage?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Aarrrgh! It's a monster!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Oh, no!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Big Howard's turned into a monster!
0:08:14 > 0:08:17It can't have been anything to do with me poisoning him,
0:08:17 > 0:08:19dying his skin orange and zapping him, can it!?!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24# I've created a monster
0:08:24 > 0:08:26# I've created a thing that I detest.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28# In the beginning it was beautiful
0:08:28 > 0:08:31# In the beginning it was better than the best
0:08:31 > 0:08:33## I've created a monster
0:08:33 > 0:08:36# I've created a thing that I despise
0:08:36 > 0:08:38# All I wanted was to save the day
0:08:38 > 0:08:41# Not create a hairy thing with scary eyes. #
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Amuse your friends and complete strangers
0:08:44 > 0:08:46with the new Big Howard-endorsed
0:08:46 > 0:08:51remote-controlled self-dropping trousers!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Big Howard-endorsed remote-controlled
0:08:53 > 0:08:54self-dropping trousers!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Swanee whistle sound effect sold separately.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02CROWD ROARS AND CLAPS
0:09:11 > 0:09:12All around me in the Earth,
0:09:12 > 0:09:15there must be loads of pipes and wires and tunnels,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18but there's also buried treasure
0:09:18 > 0:09:23and ruined houses and castles, and even bits of diplodocusaur.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Snails! Hundreds!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Well...tens of them!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I'm rich! Come here, my beauties!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Ah! What's happening?!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I've got a bowl of garlic butter with your name on it.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Argh! Cave in!
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Little Howard! NO-O-O!
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Oi! Pip squeak bum squirt, give us your 'nanas!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Are you constantly getting the bananas
0:09:54 > 0:09:57you bought for your troupe of dancing monkeys stolen by wayward gorillas?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Then you need little fingers of fury
0:10:00 > 0:10:04by studying Private Johnson's Pinky Fu.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07With Pinky Fu, all you need is a little finger
0:10:07 > 0:10:09to bring down any assailant.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Please note this martial art only works
0:10:11 > 0:10:12if you are fighting cartoon gorillas.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19Hello again. And welcome back to some more additional footage,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22although I'm not calling it that, because that sounds like
0:10:22 > 0:10:25it's about people who have got more than two feet.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29This scene, which has started playing all on its own, is from our episode
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Can Big Howard Live Without His Mobile Phone?
0:10:31 > 0:10:35when we were flying with an aerial display team.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38We didn't show this bit, though, because I was sick on the camera.
0:10:38 > 0:10:43Well, Little Howard, what G is, we are flying straight and level
0:10:43 > 0:10:47flying along and we are weighing our normal body weight.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Now if we pull 2G, we will weigh twice our body weight, and 3G,
0:10:51 > 0:10:53we weigh three times our body weight.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56So it's really as the aircraft pulls into a turn,
0:10:56 > 0:10:58we get forced into our seat.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02And normal gravity is increased.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06This machine seems to be playing stuff I didn't ask it to.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10Oh, well, I liked that. Bit of action. Bit of sick.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Hey?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Trapped, like a mouse!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27A plastic mouse.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Funny. I haven't seen much from my favourite episode,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Why Do Things Have To Die?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01It was a favourite because I wasn't in it,
0:12:01 > 0:12:03but due to a mix-up, I got paid anyway!
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Never watched the episode.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I'm a grown-up, y'see.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Oh, El Pipi Ninjio Gonzalez the Third,
0:12:12 > 0:12:17you were the best goldfish ever! Oh, why! Why!
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I think we had a really good service today.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21I felt sorry, obviously, for Little Howard.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25I don't think anybody noticed that I actually dropped the coffin.
0:12:27 > 0:12:32There was a lot of tears, some smiles, some more tears.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36I mean, I haven't cried so much since my own hamster died,
0:12:36 > 0:12:39but I don't really want to talk about that.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Are you Howard Oliver Drinkwater Read?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Erm, yes, I am.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48I am arresting you on the very strong suspicion of murder!
0:12:51 > 0:12:54'I don't actually know what Big Howard is doing,'
0:12:54 > 0:12:58because I think he believes that the show is real.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00You know we were reading the script?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03All the different bits, and it says Barney Harwood there. That's me.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Why doesn't it say DCI Barney Harwood? That's disrespectful.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Because that's me again. The DCI bit
0:13:07 > 0:13:09is when I'm playing a police officer
0:13:09 > 0:13:10and the Barney bit is when it's just me.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14- I get it, you're undercover? - You see what I mean, I...
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I... Right, you're under arrest.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- He's not moving at all.- Stand back!
0:13:20 > 0:13:22I'm going to give it mouth to mouth!
0:13:22 > 0:13:25No, Little Howard! No, that won't work! Fish don't breath air!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27I'll give him a heart massage then!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30No!
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Oh, dear.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I think we've lost him.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38As an undertaker, you get to see a lot of things.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Now, I'd like to take you through what services
0:13:42 > 0:13:46we undertakers provide for the deceased.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49When El...when El Pip..in..yo...
0:13:49 > 0:13:52When the goldfish arrived, erm...
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I wasn't quite sure what it was...
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- He was a goldfish?! - Yes. Of course he was a goldfish!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Ah...
0:14:00 > 0:14:05First of all I thought it might be, well, marmalade. And then, no.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06What have you done?
0:14:06 > 0:14:10'Then I thought what else could it be, I thought...'
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Why would we use an undertaker to bury a satsuma?!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17'So I made a mistake there.'
0:14:17 > 0:14:22But I made the best of it. I mean... It's the thought that counts.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Because, after an extensive search of his fish tank,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32DI Beaker has found the murder weapon.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34A massive toffee apple?!
0:14:34 > 0:14:38Who'd give a goldfish a massi... Oh, dear.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Oh, Big Howard!
0:14:43 > 0:14:44I can't bear it!
0:14:44 > 0:14:49# Remember the goldfish, and don't be sad
0:14:49 > 0:14:52# He made the most of what he had
0:14:52 > 0:14:57# Remember the goldfish and what he'd say
0:14:57 > 0:15:01# Make the most of every day. #
0:15:02 > 0:15:05It was, I dunno... one of those things that I hope
0:15:05 > 0:15:09he will remember with affection for the rest of his life.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Oh, Big Howie. How did you know I was here?
0:15:12 > 0:15:17Because I'm being broadcast on national television?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I was doing no such thing!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22All that equipment was just resting in my van!
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Don't take that attitude with me, young man! Right!
0:15:25 > 0:15:29I'm playing a Big Howard Being Really Unprofessional montage!
0:15:40 > 0:15:47Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an oily bum...
0:15:47 > 0:15:51Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an...
0:15:51 > 0:15:54But Mr Franks was a...
0:15:54 > 0:15:59Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an...
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Come on, it's not that funny!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Look, I can say it!
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Oily bum chin! How hard can it be?
0:16:06 > 0:16:12Oily bum chin, oily bum chin, oily bum chin, oily bum chin, come on! Oh, just appalling.
0:16:12 > 0:16:18Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an oily bum chin.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Oh! What a prize flappy nerk!
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Little Howard would never mess everything up like that.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27He's a consomme professional.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Hello, what's this?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32And he's built a Sue poo fence, Big Howard. Sorry?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Oh, super fence, what did I say?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Sounded like Sue poo fence, didn't it?
0:16:37 > 0:16:42Like a fence made of poo, from someone called Sue. Hahaha... Eurgh.
0:16:43 > 0:16:49Oww! It's OK, I'm fine, cancel the air ambulance, I'll be OK.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Seriously, I'm fine.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Come back.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54MOBILE RINGS Who's left their phone on?
0:16:54 > 0:17:00That is... Sorry, it's me and I've got to take this, it's my agent.
0:17:00 > 0:17:05What... How much??! Sorry about that.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08That is the most beautiful woman you've seen in your life?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10I think you need to get... PHRRT!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Sorry! I did a little guff... Sorry, everybody.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17So this is definitely perfectly safe, is it? There's no chance that I'll...
0:17:17 > 0:17:20A-a-agh!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22MOBILE RINGS Oh, it's me again, so sorry.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I should have put it on silent.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Where is it again?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Has anyone seen my phone?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Chuck it to me, chuck it to me... Ow!
0:17:32 > 0:17:36That's not funny, that really hurts! Shut up!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38MOBILE RINGS Whose phone is that?
0:17:38 > 0:17:39I've warned you before.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Oh, it's me...sorry.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Ow!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Ow!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51No, it's not funny. It's funny when it hits him.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53When it hits me, it is not funny.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Hello, Dolly, how are you?
0:17:55 > 0:17:57I'm very well, thank you very much.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59And what are you doing for lunch?
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Well, I'm not going to the canteen. I had a prawn sandwich there
0:18:03 > 0:18:05the other day and it made my legs fall off.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08What? Like this?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Will you stop breaking the props, Little Howard!
0:18:10 > 0:18:12ALARM RINGS
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Hello, everybody.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17This is an emergency broadcast.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21If you see this, it is because Roger The Pigeon has holed himself up
0:18:21 > 0:18:25in the edit suite and is trying to nick all the expensive equipment.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28He's probably also showing clips of me and Big Howard
0:18:28 > 0:18:29trying to make us look bad.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Oh, heck.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33We were pretty sure this was going to happen, so I've put
0:18:33 > 0:18:37this tape together of people saying what they really think about Roger.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41It also puts in an automatic call to the police.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Cry...go on, cry buckets!
0:18:47 > 0:18:48Ow!
0:18:48 > 0:18:51I don't know if Roger The Pigeon has a problem.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53I'm sure he's good in ways, but he didn't help at all
0:18:53 > 0:18:55when we said, "Can we have some silence?"
0:18:55 > 0:18:58It was always Roger going on and on, going "yak-yak-yak"
0:18:58 > 0:19:01and whether he was trying to deliberately upset...
0:19:01 > 0:19:03He did it during Little Howard's speeches.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06"Hold it, please. We're hearing something."
0:19:06 > 0:19:09And he would pretend he hadn't said anything at all.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Oh, feathers.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Hiya, flappy legs.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Hiya, bloke in a dress who's with flappy legs.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17This is Margaret!
0:19:17 > 0:19:20That's a funny name for a bloke.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Little Howard will make you a tea. Roger will spit in it, you know?
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Or nick your sandwiches. I had a cheese butty that I was saving
0:19:27 > 0:19:30for after the scene, and I got there and it had a beak bite out of it.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Play the game - you're either part of the team or you're not.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35He doesn't really play his part and I'm hungry.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Shut it, Harwood.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41I think he might have heard that. Erm...
0:19:41 > 0:19:45THEY SHOUT
0:19:45 > 0:19:48ROGER LAUGHS
0:19:50 > 0:19:53It's nice not being with Roger cos I don't feel sick all the time.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Oi! Shorty, why the face like a slapped pig?
0:19:56 > 0:20:01Even just thinking about Roger, ooh... I just get that feeling again.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Oh, when he does that thing with his neck.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Well, get a load of this.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Oohhhh...he's disgusting.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Is that all right, Roger? Could you stop pecking the eyes out of Donna?
0:20:14 > 0:20:15He doesn't like it.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22He is definitely on the naughty list.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26He will not be receiving anything on Christmas Eve for quite a while.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Oh, come on! I'm not that bad.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32No, you're worse, and you're coming with us, you horrible pigeon.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- What have I done?!- Have a look at this, for starters.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Oh, come on! That's not fair! You're taking that out of context!
0:20:38 > 0:20:42That's the idea of a clip show, sonny.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Get off! It's a wind up, it's a fit up, it's a stitch up!
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- Shut up!- Agh! Get off!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51# It's amazing how quickly it all turns to smoke
0:20:51 > 0:20:54# One day you are famous The next you're a joke.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57# One minute you're someone The next you're that bloke
0:20:57 > 0:20:59# This is your moment Hold onto your moment
0:20:59 > 0:21:02# You must woo the public You have to convince her
0:21:02 > 0:21:04# If you don't then he will She'll not be a spinster
0:21:04 > 0:21:06There's plenty more people To put through the mincer
0:21:06 > 0:21:09# Is this your moment? You can't miss your moment!
0:21:09 > 0:21:10# Fa-a-amous!
0:21:10 > 0:21:13# We are fa-a-amous!
0:21:13 > 0:21:15# You can na-a-ame us
0:21:15 > 0:21:19# But could you name us this time tomorrow?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21# This is your moment before they shout "next"
0:21:21 > 0:21:24# Before you're evicted by phone or by text.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27# Before you're at home and alone and perplexed
0:21:27 > 0:21:29# Thinking "Was that my moment? Did I miss my moment?"
0:21:29 > 0:21:30# Famous
0:21:30 > 0:21:33# We think we're famous
0:21:33 > 0:21:35# But you're nameless
0:21:35 > 0:21:39# Puppet-master is getting all your money
0:21:39 > 0:21:43# Famous We're so famous
0:21:43 > 0:21:46# And I'm shameless
0:21:46 > 0:21:49# About chewing you up To stay on the top
0:21:49 > 0:21:52# It wasn't your moment In fact it was mine!
0:21:52 > 0:21:57# I have been in charge all of the time!
0:21:57 > 0:22:00# Famous We're so famous
0:22:00 > 0:22:03# A-a-ah. #
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Have I said too much?
0:22:05 > 0:22:09I never could resist a catchy tune and a soliloquy.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14Has he been arrested yet? I'll just look down the camera.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Is this one of those cameras you can see through the telly?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Oh, yes, it is... Oi!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22You in Dundee, stop picking your nose!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24That's revolting.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26That's not how you do it, you do it with this finger.