0:00:02 > 0:00:04Practising ping pong is paying off, Big Howard!
0:00:04 > 0:00:07You actually hit the ball... twice!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09If swallowing it once counts...
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Well, my belt keeps undoing itself... I need to get a new one.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15OMG! It's Little Howard!
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Can I have your autograph please!?
0:00:17 > 0:00:21- What name should I put? - Put your name.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24I can't believe it! Little Howard off Big Howard Little Howard!
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- Would you like me to sign that as well?- Who are you?
0:00:27 > 0:00:30I'm Big Howard off Big Howard Little Howard.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Never heard of ya. Thanks Little Howard off Big Howard Little Howard!
0:00:37 > 0:00:43I'm sure she did know who you are, she was probably just star-struck.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45I'm just not as famous as you Little Howard.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49You got some fan mail this morning written in big red letters.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51That was a gas bill...
0:00:51 > 0:00:54I don't want to be mobbed all the time by mad fans.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56HORN BLARES
0:00:56 > 0:01:02I! Little Howard have come up with another of my Bi-i-i-ig Questions!
0:01:02 > 0:01:08- How Can I Make Big Howard Famous?! - Nothing bad happened to me...
0:01:08 > 0:01:10ZIPPING
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Oh, dear...
0:01:11 > 0:01:17No, please, this better not end up on the internet, you little scamp.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Oh, dear...
0:01:19 > 0:01:20HORN BLARES
0:01:20 > 0:01:22# I love monkeys, I love monkeys
0:01:22 > 0:01:26# All those happy little chirpy little monkeys
0:01:26 > 0:01:30# With their tails and their bananas
0:01:30 > 0:01:33# I think that if we all were monkeys
0:01:33 > 0:01:34# We'd have happier mananas
0:01:34 > 0:01:37# Give me monkeys, lots of monkeys
0:01:37 > 0:01:40# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore
0:01:40 > 0:01:43# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys
0:01:43 > 0:01:48# I wouldn't love her any more! # Thank you very much!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51MAN: Cut! Can we send the body doubles in, please.
0:01:54 > 0:01:59That's my body double?! He doesn't look anything like me!
0:01:59 > 0:02:03We thought as no-one ever recognizes you anyway it wouldn't matter.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Well, that's just nons...
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Big Howard, I need to have a word with you.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11That doesn't prove anything.
0:02:11 > 0:02:16Yes! I know it's not appropriate behaviour for a CBBC personality.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Oh, dear, is fat-legs getting a rollocking?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20No, he's being told off.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Someone put a film of his trousers falling down on the internet,
0:02:24 > 0:02:27and the head of CBBC is foaming at the mouth.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28I'm so sorry, Mr Brush.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32I won't do it again, and I hope the foaming clears up...
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- BUZZING - Oh, he's gone.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Where is he?!
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Where's my little gold mine!?
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Roger? What are you doing here?
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- I'm your agent, I'm always dropping by.- You never "drop by".
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I do. Usually when you're out, or, when you're asleep.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Come 'ere, ya PR genius!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Ow... Who? Me?- PR?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Pr? Mother, what's 'pr'?
0:02:57 > 0:02:59PR stands for Public Relations -
0:02:59 > 0:03:03it helps famous people get even more fame and approval!
0:03:03 > 0:03:07- Why's the microwave making a noise? - That's our computer, Roger.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Famous? Big Howard is...famous?
0:03:10 > 0:03:15He is, since about half an hour ago! The world's gone Big Howard crazy!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18The phone hasn't stopped! It rang for so long I answered it,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20which isn't like me at all!
0:03:20 > 0:03:21But...how?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Your trouser antics are now officially
0:03:24 > 0:03:27the most sensational internet sensation on the internet!
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I'm afraid the pigeon is right.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31It seems your slacks-down panty flash
0:03:31 > 0:03:36has already got five million hits on the home video site YouBend.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Five million?!- Six million. - You said five million.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41That was five seconds ago.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- Seven million now. - I don't believe it!
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Brilliant! We answered my Big Question a lot quicker than usual!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51That's how I can make you famous! Humiliating you in public!
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Take my advice... You need to get yourself an agent, Big Howard!
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Roger, you are my agent, you haven't got me work for eight years.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Oh. Well, good! Cuts down on paperwork. Stick with me, Biggy...
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Can I call you Biggy?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- No.- Stick with me, Biggy!
0:04:07 > 0:04:09There's a lot of unscrupulous people
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- who'll exploit you.- Arrgh!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I don't want you to get exploded by a poo-louse, Big Howard!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Unscrupulous means, without morals.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20And "exploit" means taking advantage of someone.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Yeah, like ya fat calculator says, But I won't let them exploit you!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Aw, thanks, Roger, please don't call me...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Because I'm going to exploit you so unscrupulously
0:04:29 > 0:04:31no-one else will get a look in!
0:04:31 > 0:04:37This is your moment, you're going to be a megasta-ar!
0:04:37 > 0:04:43'So if you want to avoid a Big Howard style Big Trouser Trauma,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46'belt up... with a belt from Bob's Belts.'
0:04:54 > 0:04:57APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:05:07 > 0:05:12'Amuse your friends and complete strangers with the new,
0:05:12 > 0:05:14'Big Howard's endorsed
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- 'Self-Dropping Trousers! - WHISTLE
0:05:16 > 0:05:20'Big Howard endorsed self-dropping trousers!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23'Swanee whistle sound effects sold separately.'
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Fancy a game of table tennis?
0:05:42 > 0:05:46I can't. TV's Holly Willoughby is coming to interview me.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50- Fetch me a glass of purified water, would you?- OK.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Make sure it's in a cut-glass tumbler at 21 degrees centigrade.
0:05:54 > 0:06:00- Right-o.- And two slices of lemon, cut lengthways, please!- Erm...
0:06:00 > 0:06:03And a bowl of M'n'Ms, Smarties and Skittles
0:06:03 > 0:06:06with all the colouring licked off...
0:06:06 > 0:06:08by a baby seal I think.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13- I've had enough of this... Get it yourself.- I can't possibly!
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- My feet are killing me. - Good, they'll save me the bother.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19I can always adopt a cartoon boy from Malawi, you know!
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Argh!
0:06:20 > 0:06:25What's up with you, Sulky Simon? Bat poo in your casserole?
0:06:25 > 0:06:29I can't believe you're putting me through this!
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Ever since I made Big Howard famous, I've hardly seen him.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36And when I do he acts like a twonk.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Oh, no! Everyone! Help me!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I've snagged my kimono!
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Well, he's got a lot to cope with now he's famous.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I apprehended a stalker this morning.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48She's tied up in the back garden!
0:06:48 > 0:06:52It's OK, it's OK I've un-snagged my kimono!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Big Howard's got a stalker?!
0:06:55 > 0:07:00Ah... that's not a stalker that's TV's Holly Willoughby.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03You tied up Holly Willoughby! Argh!
0:07:03 > 0:07:07'Get less big with Big Howard's trouser-drop workout,
0:07:07 > 0:07:11'drop a trouser size by dropping your trousers. It might work!'
0:07:11 > 0:07:14'Please note that product will not work.'
0:07:17 > 0:07:22- MAN:- Boo! Did your mum make you those pants? Rubbish.. Get off...
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- Put them back on!- Get off the stage.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Seriously, mate, is that all you do?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Bad news, Biggy.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Your video has dropped in popularity.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45The latest internet sensation is a duck that quacks along
0:07:45 > 0:07:47to Miley Cyrus songs.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51I think that's actually Miley Cyrus.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53- Stupid quacking duck!- Language.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Any untalented looser can become famous!
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Don't knock it.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01All it means is we have to think up new ways to keep you famous!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Ummm... I could. Mm...
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- Quicker than that.- Erm...
0:08:06 > 0:08:11- Chop chop.- I... I... - It's your own time you're wasting.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Ooh! I could write a no holds barred, reveal-all,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- kiss and tell life story! - Could you though?
0:08:17 > 0:08:23Mrs Slough was my favourite teacher, but Mr Franks was an oily bumchin.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26He said my handwriting was too scruffy,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29but now I'm famous, so ner-ner-ne-ner-ner.
0:08:29 > 0:08:34Ner... My geography teacher...
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Oi! Is this just about your teachers?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39No. In the next chapter I move on to my aunties.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Give me strength!
0:08:41 > 0:08:45OK, so the book didn't work...at all.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50How about doing a musical pop single downloadable pop-cast download?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53# Faaaaamous
0:08:53 > 0:08:56# We're so Faaaaamous...
0:08:56 > 0:08:59# And we're shameless... #
0:09:02 > 0:09:04MUSIC STOPS OK, Biggy.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Can we go back to the chorus, and this time,
0:09:07 > 0:09:08can you just sing it better?
0:09:08 > 0:09:13I... I can't work under these conditions!
0:09:13 > 0:09:16That's it, I'm having a showbiz strop!
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Oi, shorthouse. Why the face like a slapped pig?
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Big Howard hardly even talks to me any more!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Aww, well that's only because you're not as famous as him,
0:09:27 > 0:09:30and you're dragging him down like a sack of cold poo
0:09:30 > 0:09:32hanging off a hot-air balloon!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Aww, thanks, Roger. I hadn't thought of it like... Hey!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Well, with a bit of Roger magic,
0:09:39 > 0:09:44I might be able to get your friend back by making you as famous as him!
0:09:44 > 0:09:46That would be great...
0:09:46 > 0:09:48But how?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I know, Reality TV!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52With these guys, look!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54'The artist Andy Warhol said,
0:09:54 > 0:09:56'One day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes."
0:09:56 > 0:10:00'He was being facetious, but here on the Endless Reality Channel.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02'we think it's a great idea!'
0:10:02 > 0:10:06They've pledged everyone will have a 15-minute Reality show
0:10:06 > 0:10:08by the end of the decade!
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Brilliant!
0:10:09 > 0:10:13- If you get enough viewers they - give you your own spin-off series!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15We'll need a nicer house,
0:10:15 > 0:10:17and something for them to get their teeth into, like...
0:10:17 > 0:10:20celebrity girlfriends!
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Hello, madam, this is internet sensation
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Big 'Whoops There Go My Trousers' Howard.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Would you like to be my celebrity girlfriend?
0:10:28 > 0:10:32Oh, go on. OK, well if doesn't work out with Brad...
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Well, there's no need for language like that, dear!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38And she calls herself Posh...
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Marilyn Monroe's dead?!
0:10:40 > 0:10:45But I saw her on telly the other day... Oh, I see...
0:10:45 > 0:10:49What do you mean Thelma off of Scooby Doo isn't real?!
0:10:49 > 0:10:53So who solves all the mysteries, cos I know it isn't the dog?!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Oh, I'm never going to find an eternal soul mate
0:10:56 > 0:10:59who can get me guaranteed publicity!
0:10:59 > 0:11:01There is one person we haven't tried.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06- Who? Who is it?!- Oh, no it'll never work. She's your ex-girlfriend.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Don't leave me hanging?! Who is it?!
0:11:08 > 0:11:11You don't have many ex-girlfriends, Big Howard...
0:11:11 > 0:11:15And last time her and Little Susan tried to nick your act!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Give us a clue at least!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- Unbelievable.- Who is it?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Animal, mineral or vegetable, come on!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24'That was "Maureen Does The Ironing!"
0:11:24 > 0:11:27'Now on "Endless Reality", some more losers.'
0:11:30 > 0:11:35- Morning, poo face.- Please don... Oh, you could have made an effort!
0:11:35 > 0:11:39It's a reality show, and this is what I look like in the morning,
0:11:39 > 0:11:43- in reality.- Hi, guys!- Hey!
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Little Howard! - Hurrah! Little Susan!
0:11:46 > 0:11:49I thought we'd pop round to your house for breakfast,
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- cos we're really good friends!- Yeah!
0:11:52 > 0:11:57- Hey, guys, who'd like a bowl of new Fibo Clumps?- What?
0:11:57 > 0:12:01New delicious, juicy lumps fibre of goodness?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- Like roughage flakes? - They give me the squits.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07This is going to be great fun!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- Let's play Lob-Veg! - What's lob v...? Ouch!
0:12:10 > 0:12:14I've signed a contract saying we'll eat a bowl of new Fibo Clumps twice.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I knew this was a bad idea... You can stick your...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- Asparagus coming through!- Oh!
0:12:19 > 0:12:26You little... THEY ARGUE
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Oh, no! They're arguing!
0:12:28 > 0:12:32We'll never get our own spin-off reality show at this rate!
0:12:32 > 0:12:35People will be turning off in their droves!
0:12:35 > 0:12:38People are turning on in their droves!
0:12:38 > 0:12:41The viewing figures are going through the roof!
0:12:41 > 0:12:45It turns out people like watching other people arguing!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Your 15-minute show was a smash hit,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- and the channel wants to commission a series!- Oh, Brilliant.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57- But, we just argue all the time! - No we don't.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Don't eat those, they're plastic.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01But...this bit isn't on telly.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04It's reality TV! Everything's fake, duckling.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05Darling.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Fallen for the old Pigeon charm, have we?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Well, get a load of this!
0:13:11 > 0:13:14So what is it the public like about us so much, Roger?!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Oh, don't you worry about that, just enjoy your new show!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Oh, and, Biggy, a word please.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Please don't call me Biggy.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Listen, Biggy, it's a shame you and Tall Susan aren't getting along.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- OK, I will try to be nice to her. - Oh, good.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Because she went into the diary room and said your mum
0:13:37 > 0:13:39was a sour-faced old trout who smells of eggs.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42My mum is not a...
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Well she doesn't smell of eggs!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46So that's the way she wants to play, is it? Right!
0:13:49 > 0:13:54Right. Who's next? Tall Susan, can you pop in here a sec.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Heh-heh-heh-heh!
0:13:57 > 0:14:02BIG BROTHER STYLE MUSIC
0:14:12 > 0:14:15GEORDIE ACCENT: 'Day 1 At Home With Big Howard And Tall Susan
0:14:15 > 0:14:17'In Their Real Home, Honestly. And the housemates
0:14:17 > 0:14:20'are starting to really get on each other's nerves! Brilliant!'
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Arghhh! Little Howard!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Did you just throw a box...
0:14:24 > 0:14:28of new nutritious and delicious Fibo Clumps at my head?!
0:14:28 > 0:14:33No! I'm upstairs having another poo!
0:14:33 > 0:14:36It could be any one of the 20 crew members that are pretending
0:14:36 > 0:14:38- not to be in our pretend living room!- Ssh!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Well, it must have been Little Susan! Little Susan!
0:14:41 > 0:14:43You do not blame Little Susan!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46It's your cartoon child who lobs marrows at people! It's your...
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Don't poke me, don't poke me. I will not be poked. Ow!
0:14:49 > 0:14:53TOILET FLUSHES Ha ha ha ha haaaaa!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01'Day 3 - Little Howard is talking candidly to Little Susan.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02'I hope one of them cries!'
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Isn't being famous brilliant?
0:15:05 > 0:15:09No. Big Howard just spends all his time with Tall Susan.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12They just shout and make pixellated hand gestures at each other.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15That's the price we have to pay for being famous. Everyone's
0:15:15 > 0:15:19talking about us and we're in all the...cheapest newspapers.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I'd rather just have a game of ping pong with my best friend.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25But you know the TV people won't let us have a ping pong table
0:15:25 > 0:15:28in the house for health and safety reasons.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31He's too busy trying to stay a 'celebrity' anyway.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33I've had enough of this.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34I'm going home.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37But won't you be lonely without Big Howard?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I shouldn't think so, I'll have MOTHER and...
0:15:40 > 0:15:43yes, it will be rubbish.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46But it's better than this fake house with fake food
0:15:46 > 0:15:49and a big fake Big Howard.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53I'll see you later, Little Susan. Give him this for me, will you?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Fantastic! A walkout! This is going to send
0:15:58 > 0:16:01viewing figures stratospheric! I'm rich!
0:16:01 > 0:16:04I'm LEGALLY rich!
0:16:08 > 0:16:13- Big Howard, there's a letter on the table for you.- Ah!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14More fan mail!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- LITTLE HOWARD'S VOICE: - 'Dear Big Howard,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22'by the time you read this, I will be at the bus stop.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25'Or I'll be on the bus.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29'Or I'll have got off the bus.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32'It really depends on what time you read this.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35'Big Howard, you are my best friend in the whole world,
0:16:35 > 0:16:40'but recently you have been acting like a great big twonk.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43'I know that being famous is important to you,
0:16:43 > 0:16:47'and it seems to make you happy, in a miserable sort of way.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50'So good luck with your new mega-star life.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53'There's a game of ping pong with your name on it
0:16:53 > 0:16:55'waiting for you in Purley, if you ever want it.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57'Your best friend,
0:16:57 > 0:16:58'Little Howard.'
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- Oh, who's that from?- Didn't you hear?
0:17:02 > 0:17:07It's from Little Howard, he recorded the voiceover before he left.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11He's gone!
0:17:11 > 0:17:12This is dynamite!
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Under no circumstances should anyone interrupt it... Oh, feathers.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18He's gone!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20What am I going to do?
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Milk it, love. This is your big emotional moment!
0:17:23 > 0:17:27Cry. Go on! Cry buckets! Then design another cartoon sidekick,
0:17:27 > 0:17:30one who's better looking, more trendy
0:17:30 > 0:17:32and who can dance like an American.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35'But...Little Howard is my best friend!'
0:17:35 > 0:17:38'Was, Biggy, was. What's more important,'
0:17:38 > 0:17:44eh? "Friendship" or faaaaame?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I'm sorry, Little Howard...
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Oh, Big Howard!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56CHANGES CHANNEL
0:17:57 > 0:18:02'Reality Television star Big Howard has sensationally walked off the set
0:18:02 > 0:18:06'of "At Home With Big Howard And Tall Susan In Their Real Home Honestly"
0:18:06 > 0:18:08'in a "dramatic and emotional" scene.'
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Oh, brilliant(!)
0:18:09 > 0:18:11I've lost my best friend,
0:18:11 > 0:18:14and now the news can't even get my size right.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I'm Little Howard not Big Howard.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18- <- Big Howard walked out as well.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Oh, fantastic! Now I'm going mad!
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- The TV's talking to me with Big Howard's voice?- No, it isn't.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29- I'm here.- And now I can see him! I must be going clean out...
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Big Howard! What are you doing here?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Roger edited what I said at the end.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37What I really said was...
0:18:37 > 0:18:41"Sorry, Little Howard, for acting like such a twonk."
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I then went on to give a very emotional,
0:18:43 > 0:18:46but admittedly rather long speech
0:18:46 > 0:18:50about how friendship is much more important than fame.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53He edited it down to just, "Sorry, Little Howard,"
0:18:53 > 0:18:55in the edit, and then tried to convince me to stay
0:18:57 > 0:18:59but I finally worked out what's important.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Come here.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15I've been thinking, this might come as a bit of a shock,
0:19:15 > 0:19:20but I reckon Roger might have been trying to exploit us!
0:19:20 > 0:19:25The clues were there, Big Howard. Remember when he started singing
0:19:25 > 0:19:28his own version of the song while we were shooting our pop video?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Oh, yeah... - 'Hello! Welcome to The Best
0:19:31 > 0:19:35'Of At Home With Big Howard And Tall Susan In Their Real Home Honestly,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38'which we'll have to do for the rest of the series,
0:19:38 > 0:19:41'because they've both naffed off. So here's a song they did ages ago,
0:19:41 > 0:19:45'if I'm honest, but frankly I don't care. Just play it. Play it!'
0:19:49 > 0:19:51- ALL:- # Famous!
0:19:51 > 0:19:56# We are famous! You can name us!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59# But could you name us This time tomorrow?
0:19:59 > 0:20:00# Famous!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03# We're so famous!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05# And we're shameless
0:20:05 > 0:20:09# About bleeding it dry Cos there's no tomorrow
0:20:09 > 0:20:11# This is your moment Your 15 minutes
0:20:11 > 0:20:14# Grab it with both your hands
0:20:14 > 0:20:18# Do everything That your fame demands
0:20:18 > 0:20:22# Yes, this is your moment Your slice of the pie
0:20:22 > 0:20:24# Give it all that you've got
0:20:24 > 0:20:28# They will only want it When it's hot!
0:20:28 > 0:20:31# It's amazing how quickly It all turns to smoke
0:20:31 > 0:20:34# One day you are famous The next you're a joke
0:20:34 > 0:20:37# One minute you're someone The next you're that bloke
0:20:37 > 0:20:39# This is your moment! Hold on to your moment!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42# You must woo your public You have to convince her
0:20:42 > 0:20:44# If you don't then he will She'll not be a spinster
0:20:44 > 0:20:47# There's plenty more people To put through the mincer
0:20:47 > 0:20:49# Is this your moment? You can't miss your moment!
0:20:49 > 0:20:53# Famous! We are famous!
0:20:53 > 0:20:55# You can name us!
0:20:55 > 0:20:59# But could you name us This time tomorrow?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01# This is your moment Before they shout "next!"
0:21:01 > 0:21:04# Before you're evicted By phone or by text
0:21:04 > 0:21:07# Before you're at home And alone and perplexed
0:21:07 > 0:21:09# Thinking, "Was that my moment?" "Did I miss my moment?"
0:21:09 > 0:21:10# Famous!
0:21:10 > 0:21:13# We think we're famous
0:21:13 > 0:21:15# But you're nameless
0:21:16 > 0:21:19# Puppet master Is getting all your money!
0:21:19 > 0:21:21# Famous
0:21:21 > 0:21:23# We're so famous
0:21:23 > 0:21:27# And I'm shameless About chewing you up
0:21:27 > 0:21:29# To stay on the top!
0:21:29 > 0:21:32# It wasn't your moment In fact it was mine
0:21:32 > 0:21:35# I have been in charge
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- # All of the time!- Famous
0:21:37 > 0:21:40# We're so famous aa-aa
0:21:40 > 0:21:44# Aaaah! #
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Have I said too much?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48I never could resist a catchy tune and a soliloquy.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52I'm really quite surprised that we didn't notice that at the time.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- He really is a bit of a... - Un-screwed
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- poo-louse.- No, you...
0:21:57 > 0:21:59No, actually no, fair enough.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd.