0:00:02 > 0:00:07Welcome to The 71st Little Howard Awards for excellence
0:00:07 > 0:00:12in the field of making Little Howard based television, radio and theatre.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14But mainly television.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18This is the first Little Howard Award Ceremony out of all 71
0:00:18 > 0:00:22not to take place solely in the imagination of Little Howard.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24So without further ado...
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Ladies and gentlemen,
0:00:27 > 0:00:31please, welcome your host for the first and last
0:00:31 > 0:00:35annual Little Howard awards, Little Howard!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37APPLAUSE
0:00:42 > 0:00:43BIG HOWARD COUGHS
0:00:43 > 0:00:44Oh, yes. And Big Howard.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- Hello. Good aft... - SCREECH OF FEEDBACK
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Sorry. Sorry.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Good afternoon and welcome to the Little Howard Awards!
0:00:56 > 0:00:57APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Or as some people call them, the Howies!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03People who have called them that have been removed from the theatre
0:01:03 > 0:01:04and pushed in a puddle.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06SCATTERED LAUGHTER
0:01:06 > 0:01:10Ooh! Apparently, we're already overrunning!
0:01:10 > 0:01:14OK, without further ado-do, here is the Golden Klaxon Award
0:01:14 > 0:01:18for Best Klaxon Moment in Series Three.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20And the nominations are...
0:01:20 > 0:01:24'Little Howard for Why Do I Have To Share?'
0:01:24 > 0:01:27It's a highly successful sprout cordial making facility,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30which is surprisingly volatile when disturbed.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32BELLOWING KLAXON
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Oh! I think I can see the green!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39FORE! Golf balls!
0:01:39 > 0:01:43'Little Howard for How Can I Read Someone's Mind?'
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Ooh! On second thoughts,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48I'll just open the window and leave it for a couple more days.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49BELLOWING KLAXON
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I, Little Howard, have come up with
0:01:52 > 0:01:56another one of my Bi-i-ig Questions!
0:01:56 > 0:01:59How can I read someone's mind?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05'Surprise, surprise - Little Howard for Why Am I Afraid?'
0:02:05 > 0:02:06BELLOWING KLAXON
0:02:06 > 0:02:11I, Little Howard, have come up with another of my Bi-i-ig Questions!
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Why am I afraid?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16A-a-argh!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Argh!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24'And... Oh, for goodness sake!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26'Little Howard, for Can I Catch A Mermaid?'
0:02:26 > 0:02:29BELLOWING KLAXON
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I do wish you wouldn't...
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Ow! Ow!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39APPLAUSE
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Some classic Klaxon Moments there... from me.
0:02:43 > 0:02:48- Yeah, right(!)- Obviously the quality of entry was very high this year,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51but there can only be one winner.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53And the winner is...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55BELLOWING KLAXON
0:02:55 > 0:02:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:56 > 0:02:58We'll never know.
0:02:58 > 0:03:03I'll keep it anyway. Next up is the Golden Monkey...
0:03:03 > 0:03:04That's never gold!
0:03:04 > 0:03:08The Brass Monkey Award for best monkey song.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11- And the... - SCREECH OF FEEDBACK
0:03:11 > 0:03:13And the nominations are...
0:03:16 > 0:03:19'Me, in Can I Catch A Mermaid?'
0:03:19 > 0:03:22# I love mer-monkeys Lots of mer-monkeys
0:03:22 > 0:03:25# All those flippy little flappy little mer-monkeys... #
0:03:25 > 0:03:27'The lovely me, in Am I Art?'
0:03:29 > 0:03:30# I think that if we all were monkeys
0:03:30 > 0:03:32# We'd have happier mananas... #
0:03:32 > 0:03:36'Me, in How Can I Change Someone's Mind?'
0:03:36 > 0:03:38# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore... #
0:03:38 > 0:03:42'And, last but not least, me, in Can I be In Two Places At Once?'
0:03:42 > 0:03:46# I wouldn't love her any more. # Thank you very much!
0:03:46 > 0:03:49What happened to the monkeys, Little Howard?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51The Monkeys are on tour in Japan.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54They sent this dance via satellite hologram.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56And I'm still in bed!
0:04:00 > 0:04:05Some fabulous monkey songs by me there but which is the winner?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07And the win..
0:04:07 > 0:04:09And the winner is...
0:04:10 > 0:04:15"Dear Big Howard, you've been entered for a prize draw!" Ooh!
0:04:15 > 0:04:19That's not the right envelope, Big Howard!
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Oh, here it is.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22And the winner is...
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Oh... The monkey dance from today's show?!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Roger what's going on?
0:04:27 > 0:04:31It's OK. I rigged it so today's song would win.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- But we haven't got one. - But you will.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37We are going to put on the best version of the Monkey Song ever!
0:04:37 > 0:04:41With 100 fire-breathing monkeys in top hat and tails!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Brilliant!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I've won a holiday in Spain!
0:04:45 > 0:04:47All I have to do is send my bank details to...
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Put it in the shredder and read the next award.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56You never let me send my bank details to anyone.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:04:57 > 0:05:02The next award is The Golden Goose Award for Best Supporting Character.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Without supporting characters, the show would just be me and him,
0:05:05 > 0:05:06and how rubbish would that be?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08As rubbish as this?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Just read the nominations.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13'Bob The Postman, as himself.'
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- Who are you?- It's OK, Big Howard,
0:05:15 > 0:05:19you just fainted like a big, wet lettuce.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20This is Bob The Postman.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Be careful shouting about mermaids, son.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Some people might think you're one envelope short of a postbag.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Sorry, did nobody mention? I work in the post office.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I mean they'll think you're a bit soft in the head.
0:05:31 > 0:05:36'Some kid as the human version of me, only uglier and more annoying.'
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Big Howard, isn't it brilliant?
0:05:39 > 0:05:40I'm Little Howard!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42What? Ow!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Honestly, he's very nice!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Joshua, stop kicking him!
0:05:49 > 0:05:53What?! Argh! Ow!
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Ere, are you kicking my client?!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59'Jetman UK, as himself.'
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- I reckon you two have got vertigo. - No, vertigo just means dizziness.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05I think you'll find we've got acrophobia.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09No, only idiots think that's called vertigo. No offence.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12'And Lady Gaga as Lady Gaga, but a bit less weird than the real one
0:06:12 > 0:06:15'in Where is Big Howard?'
0:06:15 > 0:06:18# I think that you might miss him
0:06:18 > 0:06:21# He's a bit too wide, too thick, and too long
0:06:21 > 0:06:25# But you don't know what you've got till it's gone... #
0:06:27 > 0:06:29APPLAUSE
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Unfortunately, only three of the nominees
0:06:33 > 0:06:35could make it tonight, so let's hope one of them wins.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- And the winner is... - DRUM ROLL
0:06:40 > 0:06:44..Roger T Pigeon?! He wasn't even nominated!
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Ah, yes! I'm here, everybody. It's Roger time! Hi, fans.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I'd like to thank my...self really.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Fair's fair, I was the best.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57But I'd like to say a word to all the other nominees,
0:06:57 > 0:06:59and that word is...
0:06:59 > 0:07:01losers!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03BOOING
0:07:03 > 0:07:04I'm so sorry.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08The next award is the Awokup Anitwaz-Alladream Award
0:07:08 > 0:07:09for Most Plausible Story.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14This award was named in memory of Awokup Anitwaz-Alladream,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17one of our oldest and wisest monkey script writers,
0:07:17 > 0:07:21who died earlier this year when he was crushed under the weight
0:07:21 > 0:07:25of an infinite number of typewriters that fell on his head
0:07:25 > 0:07:28when he was trying to put them away in the cupboard.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31The Awokup Anitwaz-Alladream Award is for the most plausible
0:07:31 > 0:07:33and believable storyline in the series.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Oh, dear!
0:07:35 > 0:07:38'The nominations for the most plausible storyline are...
0:07:38 > 0:07:41'Little Howard growing massive in Why Can't I Be Bigger?'
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Look at me, Big Howard, I'm enormous!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I warn you, you'll bang your head on something.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Stupid tiny giant! Ow!
0:07:52 > 0:07:56'The parallel universe bit in Can I Be In Two Places At Once?'
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Yeah, I bet if he was in your show you'd have to do
0:07:58 > 0:08:01another cheap best-of episode at the end of the series, huh?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05But I'm worth it, baby. Look at the individual hairs.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09'It turning out to be Bob The Postman all along,
0:08:09 > 0:08:10'in Can I Catch A Mermaid?'
0:08:12 > 0:08:14And the idiots fell for that?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Well, I tell you for definite,
0:08:15 > 0:08:18this is not a hoax, this is the real deal. Oh, yes, sir.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22'Erm, Big Howard, the mermaid... it's Bob The Postman!
0:08:22 > 0:08:25'Don't be so silly, Little Howard. It's clearly a beautiful...
0:08:25 > 0:08:27'What the...?! Ooh!'
0:08:28 > 0:08:30LAUGHTER
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Oh, that's priceless! It really is!
0:08:33 > 0:08:37'And finally, the house blowing up, in Why do I Have To Share?'
0:08:37 > 0:08:41- I hope you boys have learned your lesson!- Yes, we have, Angel Mother.
0:08:41 > 0:08:46Because we couldn't share, we killed you and blew up our house.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Good. Then my work here is done.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Oh, flippin' heck, the winch mechanism's jammed!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01APPLAUSE
0:09:01 > 0:09:03And the winner is...
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Oi! Flappy legs! Bit of a problem with the monkey dance.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08The monkeys want paying more.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Fair enough. We do pay them peanuts.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Yes, and they want MORE peanuts.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19But don't worry, they'll get more peanuts over my dead body!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21That's very generous of you.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24We can give them Roger's dead body! They'll like that.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27No, you've misunderstood.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30We can't give in to monkey labour intimidation!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Don't worry, I will crush them like a frog.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35A frog?!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38You haven't seen Roger's pet frog, have you?
0:09:39 > 0:09:44The next category is The Golden Shot Award for best stunt man.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Now, I'm yet to win an award so far,
0:09:46 > 0:09:49but I'm quietly confident about this one.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51And the knobbly knees are...
0:09:51 > 0:09:55'Big Howard for the food fight, in Why Do I Have To Share?'
0:09:55 > 0:09:58# ..Dresses with blue satin sashes
0:09:58 > 0:10:01# Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
0:10:01 > 0:10:05# Silver white winters that melt into springs... #
0:10:05 > 0:10:08'Big Howard for the parachute jump, in Why Am I Afraid?'
0:10:08 > 0:10:09# ..My favourite things
0:10:09 > 0:10:12# When the dog bites
0:10:12 > 0:10:16# When the bee stings When I'm feeling sad... #
0:10:16 > 0:10:19'Big Howard for the rolling down the hill bit,
0:10:19 > 0:10:21'in How Can I Read Your Mind?'
0:10:21 > 0:10:25# ..And then I don't feel So bad... #
0:10:25 > 0:10:29'And Big Howard for the awesome bicycle stunt at the start
0:10:29 > 0:10:31'of Why Can't I Be In Charge?'
0:10:31 > 0:10:33OW!
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I do wish you wouldn't do that!
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Ow!
0:10:38 > 0:10:40APPLAUSE
0:10:40 > 0:10:43And the winner is, if I do say so myself...
0:10:44 > 0:10:48..Har...?! Harrison Johnson?!
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Who the...?!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Harrison Johnson is my on-set stand-in,
0:10:52 > 0:10:56without whom this show would not be possible.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59He's a bit of flippin' wood!
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Here are some examples of his very fine work,
0:11:02 > 0:11:06- followed by an in-depth interview with me.- What?!
0:11:06 > 0:11:07# Hello
0:11:09 > 0:11:11# Hello
0:11:13 > 0:11:14# Hello
0:11:17 > 0:11:20# Hello Oh, oh, oh, oh... #
0:11:21 > 0:11:23# It's all right I'm getting busy
0:11:23 > 0:11:25# Just enjoy a pop
0:11:25 > 0:11:28# It's OK with me if you don't have that much to say, hey!
0:11:28 > 0:11:33# Kinda like this goon But there's something you should know
0:11:33 > 0:11:36# I just came to say hello... #
0:11:43 > 0:11:45APPLAUSE
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Harrison Johnson, thank you very much for talking to us tonight,
0:11:49 > 0:11:51and congratulations on your award.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Thank you. It is very nice to be honoured in this way.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59I am not having my award given to a bit of flippin' wood!
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Who are you calling wooden? I'm a better actor than you!
0:12:03 > 0:12:06How dare you! I have never been so insulted,
0:12:06 > 0:12:09specifically by a bit of wood, in all my entire life!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Roll the adverts!
0:12:12 > 0:12:13FEEBLE FANFARE
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Coming up: The best ad from the Mermaids episode.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20If you're still waiting for the DVD box-set, don't hold your breath.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Unless, of course, you're under water.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25All 4,000 episodes of the cult TV classic
0:12:25 > 0:12:28The Underwater Crime-Fighting Mermaid From The Sea!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30HORNPIPE PLAYS
0:12:32 > 0:12:34WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: Hello!
0:12:34 > 0:12:39Hello, I'm a mermaid, but I also solves underwater crimes.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Hello.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48My name is Big Howard and I went to the launderette
0:12:48 > 0:12:52and I took out my bag of pants and everyone ran away
0:12:52 > 0:12:55because I smell of eggy guffs. But now I use this...
0:12:55 > 0:12:58'Roger, please don't show that one!'
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Argh!
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Coming soon, the Tiny Classics Season -
0:13:02 > 0:13:06a series of films specially for the teensy weensy.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09This Sunday, Microscopic Sherlock Holmes,
0:13:09 > 0:13:14the first ever costume drama entirely performed by germs on a slide.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Starring the Ebola virus as the great detective.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19So we're in the digestive tract.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Is there a name for this canal, Holmes?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Alimentary, my dear Watson, alimentary.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29It's here at last. The Panoonis Sticker Book of Phobias.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Untold thousands of stickers to collect,
0:13:32 > 0:13:35each depicting a genuine fear.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Genuphobia - fear of knees. Lutraphobia - fear of otters.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Defecaloesiophobia - fear of pooing.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Advertophobia - fear of adverts.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49What?! Nobody's afraid of adverts!
0:13:51 > 0:13:52APPLAUSE
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I hope you enjoyed those adverts.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59I know I certainly did. And the next award is... Here!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Get off! Ar-r-rgh!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04BOOING
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy competition, Big Howard.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Shut up. The next award...
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Oh, no...
0:14:14 > 0:14:18The next award is Lifetime of Irritation Award.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21This prestigious award goes to a person who's been a constant pain
0:14:21 > 0:14:23in the backside throughout the series.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28It goes to our inappropriately maternal computer, Mother.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Morning, Mother!
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Lovely day for a cycle ride, dear! - Isn't it just?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Wait a minute.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- Let's do it!- Oh, 'eck!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Yippee-ki-yay!
0:14:47 > 0:14:53# Give it all away Give me one last try... # Whoo!
0:14:55 > 0:15:00My circuits are buzzing like a hornet's nest, yo! Let's do it again!
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- Oh, dear.- Whooo!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Where's the flumping plane, dude!
0:15:11 > 0:15:15# The things you had to share
0:15:15 > 0:15:17# Are now no longer there
0:15:17 > 0:15:20# You could not get along
0:15:20 > 0:15:23# Now all your love is gone!
0:15:23 > 0:15:25# What have we done?
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- # How did this all evolve? - How did it get this far?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- # From playing indoor golf? - Now that she's gone
0:15:31 > 0:15:33# How could pea cordial
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- # We've blown up our com-pu-ter! - Put us through this ordeal?
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- # What have we done? - The things you had to share
0:15:38 > 0:15:42- # Tell me how did this start? - Are now no longer there!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- # Can't believe that she's gone - How did it get this far?
0:15:45 > 0:15:49- # Her monitor blown apart - I was three under par
0:15:49 > 0:15:54- # What have we? - What have we?- What have you done? #
0:15:54 > 0:15:56APPLAUSE
0:15:58 > 0:16:02I can't believe Mother got her own award.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Oh, come on, Big Howard, you've won a couple... Oh, no.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07No, you haven't, have you?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09'Ere, whatever your names are.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Just to let you know I've broken the monkey strike.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Oh, great. How?
0:16:15 > 0:16:19I was firm but... Well, not fair, exactly.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23I was firm, but rude, and ultimately they respect my authority.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25You won't have any more trouble from those monk...
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Can you smell burning? Has someone lit a...? Oh, 'eck!
0:16:31 > 0:16:36Oi! Mind me feathers! Get off, you silly simians!
0:16:37 > 0:16:42Wow! That should make it into the Best Action Sequence category.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46'The first and last flight of Jetman UK.'
0:16:55 > 0:16:56THUD!
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Oh, dear.
0:16:57 > 0:17:03'Me, rampaging around Purley like King Godzilla.'
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Where are you, Gordon? Gordon!
0:17:05 > 0:17:08THUNDERING FOOTSTEPS
0:17:08 > 0:17:11That can't be him, he's tiny!
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Oops, silly me. Come here you!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19'Us scooba-dee-doo diving.'
0:17:37 > 0:17:39'And finally, us blowing up our house.'
0:17:39 > 0:17:41It looks as if it's about to explode.
0:17:41 > 0:17:47# And then I don't feel so bad. #
0:18:03 > 0:18:05APPLAUSE
0:18:07 > 0:18:10And the next award is the Geoff Coward Award for brilliant direct...
0:18:10 > 0:18:12PHONE RINGS
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Sorry.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Hello?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Hello. Er, I'm up a tree.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Turns out the monkeys won't be doing the monkey song, but...
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I've arranged something else.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28You'll get your monkey song, just not the monkeys.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Did you say you're up a tree?
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Oh, yes. Pretty good place to hide from monkeys, eh?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35One thing monkeys can't do is fly.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Except in The Wizard of Oz.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42I'm pretty sure monkeys are quite good at climbing trees.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Oh, dear.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46MONKEY'S SCREECH
0:18:46 > 0:18:48'Argh! Me wing...'
0:18:48 > 0:18:51APPLAUSE
0:18:51 > 0:18:54The final category this year is The Best Little Howard Award,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57rewarding the best Little Howard in all of the series.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- What?!- And the nominees are...
0:19:00 > 0:19:03No, no! You don't...!
0:19:05 > 0:19:10'Me. Oh, not me. H9 in How Can I Be In Two Places At Once?'
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Ow! Little Howard, you're on fire!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15My pleasure!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Oh. You are actually on fire.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Oh, must get that fixed before the invasion.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23The what?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- Erm, nothing!- Ow!
0:19:25 > 0:19:29'Massive me in Why Can't I Be Bigger?'
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Little Howard, you come down here this instant, young man,
0:19:32 > 0:19:34before you get shot down by biplanes.
0:19:34 > 0:19:40- Biplanes?! Ha! I eat biplanes for breakfast!- Right!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I'm telling Mother. You just wait.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44DIALS NUMBER
0:19:45 > 0:19:49'CGI me in How Can I Be In Two Places At Once again.'
0:19:49 > 0:19:52You will all obey me!
0:19:52 > 0:19:57Obey! Obey! Obey!
0:19:57 > 0:20:00'Tiny me, in Why Can't I Be Bigger?'
0:20:03 > 0:20:06You've got to help! I'm shrinking! Do you know the way to the hospital?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Thank you, madam.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12'And the cardboard cut-out of me, in How Can I Be In Two Places At Once?'
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- You're grounded, young man. - I'm very sorry, Big Howard.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17I shan't take my eyes off you for a minute!
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Trying to sneak out of the house without me noticing.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24I'm not an idiot, you know! Eyes like a hawk!
0:20:24 > 0:20:26APPLAUSE
0:20:28 > 0:20:33And the winner is, with over 90% of the vote... What?!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Harrison Johnson, who played the photo-copied Little Howard
0:20:36 > 0:20:39in Two Places At Once?! Oh, I'm furious!
0:20:39 > 0:20:41CHUCKLING >
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Listen, Little Howard, there are a load of ants back here
0:20:44 > 0:20:46in tiny monkey costumes.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48They say they're here for the Monkey Song.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53But we told everybody we were going to do a song and dance
0:20:53 > 0:20:58- with 100 monkeys. Not ants!- Yeah. It will be a bit of an anti-climax!
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Anty-climax! Hee-hee-hee! Ants!
0:21:03 > 0:21:05I said anty-climax!
0:21:05 > 0:21:06I heard what you said.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Ha-ha-ha. Huh...
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Cos it's the end of the show and it'll be a damp squib.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14An anty-climax! Anty. They're ants. Anty-climax!
0:21:14 > 0:21:17There's no chance we're ending this series on THAT joke.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Cue the Monkey Song!
0:21:20 > 0:21:22CHEERING
0:21:22 > 0:21:26# I love monkeys I love monkeys All those
0:21:26 > 0:21:29# Happy, little chirpy, little monkeys
0:21:29 > 0:21:30# With their tails that they used to have
0:21:30 > 0:21:32# And their bananas that they used to have
0:21:32 > 0:21:36# I think that now that we are monkeys we have happier mananas
0:21:36 > 0:21:38# Gave me monkeys lots of monkeys
0:21:38 > 0:21:42# For you knew that it's the monkeys I adore
0:21:42 > 0:21:45# If my love said that she did not gave me monkeys
0:21:45 > 0:21:48# I would not gave... oh... more. #
0:21:48 > 0:21:49SQUELCH!
0:21:49 > 0:21:51What the...?!
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- Bleurgh!- Oh, the humanity!
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Oh, come off it. They're only ants!
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Very talented ants.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Bye!
0:22:02 > 0:22:04ONE PERSON CLAPS