0:00:06 > 0:00:10Happy birthday to me! Quick! Give me all my presents!
0:00:10 > 0:00:11HE TOOTS
0:00:11 > 0:00:13It's not your birthday.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Don't tell me you've all forgotten my birthday?!
0:00:17 > 0:00:22No, we haven't forgotten it. Your birthday is tomorrow, Little Howard.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Oh, no! That's my actual birthday.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28I have an official birthday as well, like the Queen.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31No, we're fine to talk. Little Howard will be fast asleep,
0:00:31 > 0:00:35unless he's trying to convince Mother it's his birthday.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39- Big Howard!- So no-one's to tell Little Howard he's getting a...
0:00:39 > 0:00:42What?! I'm getting a what? A dog? A samurai sword?
0:00:42 > 0:00:45An all-you-can-eat trolley-dash in a toffee shop? What?!
0:00:45 > 0:00:49- Nothing! Erm, it's a wrong number! - That wasn't a wrong number!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52You were talking about me!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55No, we were talking about a different Little Howard
0:00:55 > 0:00:59- that neither of us know. - I wasn't born yesterday you know!
0:00:59 > 0:01:04- I was born tomorrow! What are you hiding from me?- Nothing!
0:01:04 > 0:01:10I am not hiding anything. Erm, oh, look!
0:01:11 > 0:01:16Err, this washing up won't do itself, you know. It turns out.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23Ohh! Oh. Second thoughts, I'll just open the window
0:01:23 > 0:01:26and leave it for a couple more days.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28KLAXON HONKS
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- HE SHOUTS:- I, Little Howard,
0:01:30 > 0:01:34have come up with another one of my Big Questions!
0:01:34 > 0:01:38How can I read someone's mind?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41I do wish... Aah! Oh!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I'd cut back this holly bush!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49THUMP
0:01:49 > 0:01:52This week I am going to project the monkey song
0:01:52 > 0:01:55into the consciousness of the audience,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58using only the power of my mind!
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Remember, we will not be playing the monkey song.
0:02:01 > 0:02:06If you hear it, that means we have made telepathic contact!
0:02:06 > 0:02:09KLAXON HONKS
0:02:09 > 0:02:12# I love monkeys I love monkeys
0:02:12 > 0:02:15# All those happy little chirpy little monkeys
0:02:15 > 0:02:17# With their tails and their bananas
0:02:17 > 0:02:21# I think that if we all were monkeys we'd have happier mananas
0:02:21 > 0:02:24# Give me monkeys Lots of monkeys
0:02:24 > 0:02:28# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore
0:02:28 > 0:02:31# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys
0:02:31 > 0:02:35# I wouldn't love her any more. # Thankyouverymuch!
0:02:35 > 0:02:39I don't believe it, it worked!
0:02:39 > 0:02:44You actually made telepathic contact! That's amazing!
0:02:45 > 0:02:49What a gullible numpty! He doesn't even realise I had the song
0:02:49 > 0:02:53playing secretly on my iPod while the...
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Hang on, I'm thinking this out loud, aren't I?
0:03:01 > 0:03:07- Ow!- You look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- It was forwards, actually. - Come on! What's the secret!?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13If there was a secret, which there isn't,
0:03:13 > 0:03:17I wouldn't be able to tell you because it would be a secret.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20I know how you could make me talk! You could stick pins into me!
0:03:20 > 0:03:25- That is a brilliant idea. - My mistake, you've done that already.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28I am going to find a way to extract the truth from you
0:03:28 > 0:03:30if it's the last thing I do!
0:03:30 > 0:03:34If you could promise it was the last thing you'd do, I might tell you.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39He's a little bit prickly today, isn't he?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41It's the strain of keeping a secret from me.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44He said I was "getting" something.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47A horse? A swimming pool full of sausages?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49It might not be a present, Little Howard.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Yeah! It could be that I'm "getting" suspicious
0:03:52 > 0:03:54cos he's broken some of my stuff.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Or I'm "getting" the house to myself
0:03:56 > 0:04:00because he's emigrating to Spain to become a matador! Aah!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I've got to learn how to read his mind!
0:04:03 > 0:04:07You don't need to read his mind, you need to read his body!
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- It's called "non-verbal communication."- Brilliant!
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Mother, teach me about nun-gerbil excommunication!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Non-verbal communication.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22It's what someone's body or tone of voice tells you without words.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26For example, when your average person is lying, they tend not
0:04:26 > 0:04:30to move their hands around much and they avoid eye contact with you.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34They're likely to touch a hand to their face, neck or lips,
0:04:34 > 0:04:36but not to their heart or chest.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41Wow! This is solid, gold-plated, gold dust! What else?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43And then there's his eyes.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47If you ask Big Howard what that phone conversation was about
0:04:47 > 0:04:51and he moves his eyes to the left, what he says is probably true,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54and if he moves them to the right, he's probably lying!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57What?! Why?!
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Because when most people are trying to remember something they've heard
0:05:01 > 0:05:03they usually move their eyes to the left.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06When they're trying to make up something,
0:05:06 > 0:05:08they usually move their eyes to the right.
0:05:08 > 0:05:14- Right! This is all the animation I need...- Ammunition.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17..to read Big Howard's mind. Now, where is he?
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Tell me your secret or I will be forced to examine
0:05:25 > 0:05:27your non-virile communion!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30What!? Little Howard! I'm in the bath!
0:05:30 > 0:05:34And that book was water soluble!
0:05:34 > 0:05:37And you're putting your hands on your chest!
0:05:37 > 0:05:41Which means you're telling the truth! You ARE in the bath!
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Or you're covering up your tiny, weird nipples.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46What are you doing in here?!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Or you could be folding your arms which implies
0:05:49 > 0:05:51you feel defensive and tense!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Of course I feel defensive and tense!
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Is this what you call reading my mind?!
0:05:55 > 0:05:58That's like punching my face and telling me my nose hurts!
0:05:58 > 0:06:01And you just looked up and to the left!
0:06:01 > 0:06:04That's means he's remembering thing's he's seen!
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Ah-ha! So you're thinking about when I've might have
0:06:07 > 0:06:10disturbed you in the bath before!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I was, actually, it was series one, episode two,
0:06:13 > 0:06:14you were on a trampoline...
0:06:14 > 0:06:19Gah! Get out of my head! And get out of the bathroom!
0:06:22 > 0:06:26He was definitely hiding something in there. But what is it, though?!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Why would he keep a secret from me!
0:06:28 > 0:06:31The day before my birthday, of all days!
0:06:31 > 0:06:36It could be what he's getting you for your birthday?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Oh, Mother, you poor, simple, boring, naive fool.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42He's probably got to assassinate someone and
0:06:42 > 0:06:46doesn't want me to know, so I'm not a Claire's Accessory to his crimes!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- The word is "accessory."- Or maybe
0:06:48 > 0:06:52he can't talk for reasons of national security!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54DOOR SLAMS
0:06:54 > 0:06:57I've got him rattled! He's on the run!
0:06:57 > 0:07:02MUSIC: "Stop Following Me" by Damien DeBoos
0:07:14 > 0:07:16DOG BARKS
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Frankly, I'm not impressed, Mr Cox.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57For starters you look like an under-fed stick insect
0:07:57 > 0:08:01with girl's hair and you tell me you can't sing or dance.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06So before I chuck you out, can you tell me, what is the point of you?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- I'm a mentalist. - At least you're honest.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12No, a mentalist is someone who does magic with people's minds.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17OK, then, Wizardora, tell me what I'm thinking now.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Ow!
0:08:20 > 0:08:25Blimey! You're good! OK. How many fingers am I holding up?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- Three, and one of them's up your nose.- Wow!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Oh, don't eat it, that's disgusting. Come in!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36What're you talking about, there's no-one...
0:08:36 > 0:08:39KNOCK ON DOOR Come in!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Sorry I'm late, Roger, Little Howard was following me.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Either that or I'm being haunted by Danny DeVito-LaRue.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Oh, I never thought I'd be pleased to see you! Do it to him!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Stop looking at me and read HIS mind. If you read any deeper in mine
0:08:53 > 0:08:56I'll have to start paying you hush money.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00OK, sit down but grab five objects from around the office.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Good. Bird feed, of course, obviously.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Remote control. Very nice.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Michael Monkey-tyre poster. Classic choice. Two more, we need.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Anything you want. Something from your pocket, which is a...
0:09:12 > 0:09:16- ..girl's hairbrush. - It's nice and soft on my hair.
0:09:16 > 0:09:22Take that with you everywhere? Great. Er, one more. Phone. Lovely.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24OK. Sit down. This is a game of elimination.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28You've got your poster, the phone, the nuts, your girly hairbrush
0:09:28 > 0:09:30and remote control.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34We need to eliminate some. Number them to start with. One to five.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- One, two, three, four, five. - OK, what do you want to keep?
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Odds or evens?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- Erm, evens?- OK, so keep the evens, so that's two and four.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46So it's the hairbrush and the phone. OK, you can keep them.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50Out of those two, you're going to give me just one. Any one you want.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Your hairbrush? You sure? Put it down.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Completely free choice. You gave me your pink hairbrush.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I had one thing written on my piece of paper.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Want to read what it was?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Pink hairbrush. Wow!
0:10:03 > 0:10:06If a cartoon boy approaches you dressed as a lady,
0:10:06 > 0:10:09and asks you how you do that, please don't tell him.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- How did you do that?- Well, it's easy. This was your pink hairbrush.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Course you'd give it to me. I had to hope you would.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20When you were selecting items, I wrote it down.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I put it there. It was all I wrote.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24If you hadn't given me the hairbrush.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28It'd still have been written down and I'd have looked like an idiot!
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- I've definitely got a gig for you. How do I get in contact?- Easy.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36- Look, here's my number. Come in! - No-one's knocked at the door.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- KNOCK ON DOOR - Roger? Can I come in?
0:10:39 > 0:10:43It's Little Howard! He's going to try to read my mind!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52And they say I'm a mentalist!
0:10:54 > 0:11:01- Do you like monkeys?- Me? Why...yes! - Thought so.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- How could he possibly know that?! - Whaddaya want, kid?
0:11:07 > 0:11:10I'm getting de-loused in half an hour.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12I need to find out what Big Howard is thinking!
0:11:12 > 0:11:15I think you'll find that 80% of the time
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Big Howard isn't thinking anything at all.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19But he's hiding something from me!
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- I need to find out by hook or by crook.- Crook? Now you're talking.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- I think I might be able to help. - You're looking to your left!
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Is that because you're remembering what someone said?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34No, it's because he's in the cupboard.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Roger! Did I hear duct tape? What are you doing?
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Right, I've got to get back to the office
0:11:40 > 0:11:42and make these lice into lice-crispies.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45All you have to do is get him out of the cupboard
0:11:45 > 0:11:49- and put him in the downhill bouncy castle.- The what?
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Ah, Mr Big Howard, I've been expecting you.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00What am I doing in here?
0:12:00 > 0:12:07We have ways of making you talk, Mr Big Howard, many ways.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- Now?- Oh! Oooh!
0:12:11 > 0:12:15What's going on? I didn't agree to...
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Ooh, aaaargh!
0:12:40 > 0:12:45- That was great fun! - Oh, it is...the first time!
0:12:45 > 0:12:50- Henchmen, take him back to the top! - No, well I say it was fun...
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Oh, oh, ooooh!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Want to get ooout!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Please, I want to get out!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03BIG HOWARD SOBS
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Surely you don't expect me to talk, Little Howard?!
0:13:09 > 0:13:10No, Mr Big Howard!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I expect you to roll down the hill
0:13:12 > 0:13:16in the downhill bouncy castle again and again for ages!
0:13:16 > 0:13:17And then talk!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Wooaah!
0:13:28 > 0:13:32Ow! I can taste what I had for breakfast now! Aaaah!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Oh, my goodness!
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Is Big Howard's secret that he's on a "mental list?".
0:13:42 > 0:13:48Wooo! Stop! There's been a terrible mistake!
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- OK, OK! I'll tell you anything! - Ha-haa!
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Roger told me this would work!
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Roger told you to do this to me?! - Erm.- Right!
0:13:58 > 0:14:04- I'll tell you this. Roger knows the secret too!- You what?!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Henchmen! Take him back to the top.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09BIG HOWARD SOBS
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Not again. Oh, no. Aaaah!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Oh, no, he doesn't suspect a thing.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20I threw him off the scent by telling him how to torture Big Howard
0:14:20 > 0:14:23in a way not yet recognised by the Geneva Convention.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27If everything goes to plan I am going to make a mint...
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Oh, 'eck!
0:14:37 > 0:14:42- Do you know what a polygraph is, Roger?- Of course I do.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44It's a newspaper for parrots.
0:14:44 > 0:14:51- My ex-wife used to line the cage with it.- No. It's a lie detector.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Fine! I have nothing to fear from a lie detector.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- DETECTOR HONKS - Are you sure?
0:14:57 > 0:15:01A polygraph is a device that measures the signs of stress.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Your heart-rate, breathing, blood pressure and sweat.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10And usually people feel stressed when they're lying!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Lying! Me!?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I've never told a lie in my life! DETECTOR HONKS
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Well, I've not told a lie today. DETECTOR HONKS
0:15:19 > 0:15:23I've not lied in this sentence? DETECTOR HONKS
0:15:23 > 0:15:27I think he's ready for you now, Little Howard.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Oh, feathers! I don't deserve this! DETECTOR HONKS
0:15:31 > 0:15:37Right! Have you ever stolen any money off me or Big Howard?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Of course not! DETECTOR HONKS
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Well, not much. DETECTOR HONKS
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Yes, all right, I've ripped you off for thousands of pounds.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- DETECTOR BINGS - This thing's brilliant!
0:15:48 > 0:15:50It can actually read his mind!
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Well, no, it just reads some of the signs the mind gives off
0:15:54 > 0:15:55when it's stressed.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58They say some spies have trained themselves to fool it!
0:15:58 > 0:16:03Does training yourself to fool it take long?
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- Longer than you've got, wonky-beak. - Right. Here we go!
0:16:07 > 0:16:11What is the secret that Big Howard is keeping from me?!
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Erm... I...don't know? DETECTOR HONKS
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Well, he hasn't told me all of it. DETECTOR HONKS
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I've forgotten the exact det... DETECTOR HONKS
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Oh, flap it! Mother knows about it too!
0:16:24 > 0:16:26DETECTOR BINGS
0:16:26 > 0:16:30Erm... honk! There, it honked. He's lying.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32You're all lying.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36- Stool pigeon!- I don't know about that, but I might have just done
0:16:36 > 0:16:38a pigeon stool. DETECTOR BINGS
0:16:40 > 0:16:42No, I won't forgive you! You all lied
0:16:42 > 0:16:44and you're all keeping secrets from me!
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I don't know about the others,
0:16:46 > 0:16:49but I only did it out of love. DETECTOR HONKS
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I wasn't 100% motivated by greed. DETECTOR HONKS
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Will someone please detach this flippin' thing from me?!
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Tell Big Howard, I'm staying at Little Susan's house tonight,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03and I don't want to talk to him.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07I will definitely pass that on. DETECTOR HONKS
0:17:07 > 0:17:12Life as I know it is over. DETECTOR BINGS
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Bye, Little Howard. Please don't be too cross with Big Howard.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20It might be for the best.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23When is telling lies and keeping secrets from your friends
0:17:23 > 0:17:27ever "for the best"? See you later.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35# How can I read your mind? How can I tell if you're lying?
0:17:35 > 0:17:41# How can I tell what you're buying me for my birthday tomorrow?
0:17:41 > 0:17:47# Tell me how do I find All of the things you're concealing?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49# Is there a way of revealing
0:17:49 > 0:17:52# All the things you don't want me to know?
0:17:52 > 0:17:58# How can I read your mind? How can I tell what you're thinking?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00# If I stare at your head without blinking
0:18:00 > 0:18:03# Could I read you like a scroll?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06# If I come at you from behind
0:18:06 > 0:18:09# And cover your head with wiring
0:18:09 > 0:18:11# Can I see all the things you're desiring?
0:18:11 > 0:18:15# Can I see your very soul?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17# How can I see inside your head?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20# Tell me how do I find ways
0:18:20 > 0:18:23# To hear all the words you have not said?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26# I'm going to read your mind waves. #
0:18:29 > 0:18:34'Chris Cox. Mentalist and Mind Reader.' Brilliant!
0:18:34 > 0:18:38I'll get him to read Big Howard's mind for me!
0:18:38 > 0:18:41# He's going to close his eyes
0:18:41 > 0:18:43# And face in the right direction
0:18:43 > 0:18:49# Look at your brain's reflection And see through you like a window
0:18:49 > 0:18:51# He's going to see your lies
0:18:51 > 0:18:54# And all of the things you are planning
0:18:54 > 0:19:00# He has a way of scanning all the things you don't want me to know
0:19:00 > 0:19:06# He's going to see inside your head with magical and insane ways
0:19:06 > 0:19:08# He's going to read what can't be read
0:19:08 > 0:19:11# He's going to touch your brainwaves!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14# That's how can I read your mind
0:19:14 > 0:19:17# I'm going to tell if you're lying
0:19:17 > 0:19:23# I'm going to know what you're buying me for my birthday tomorrow
0:19:23 > 0:19:29# I'm going to finally find All of the things you're concealing
0:19:29 > 0:19:30# This is the way of revealing
0:19:30 > 0:19:35# All the things you don't want me to know. #
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- HE DIALS THE PHONE - It's ringing...
0:19:42 > 0:19:44ANOTHER PHONE RINGS
0:19:44 > 0:19:48And something else is ringing too.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- ALL: Surprise!- Aaarrgh!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01ALL: Happy birthday, Little Howard!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03What the... I...
0:20:05 > 0:20:08MUSIC: "Happy Birthday" by Stevie Wonder
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Wow! What a massive surprise!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19I was so cross you were all keeping a secret from me
0:20:19 > 0:20:23I'd completely forgotten it was my eighth, sixth birthday today!
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Good. Cos your still thinking it was tomorrow helped the song rhyme.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- So all this time you were planning a surprise party!- Yeah!
0:20:31 > 0:20:36- So we had to keep it a secret or it wouldn't have been a surprise!- Yes!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39But if you didn't want me to know, why did you tell me Roger knew?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Well, firstly cos there's a £100 fine for throwing up
0:20:42 > 0:20:44in a downhill bouncy castle.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47And secondly I knew Roger would never give it away.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Cos I'm such a nice Pigeon. DETECTOR HONKS
0:20:50 > 0:20:52No, it's because we invited all your clients
0:20:52 > 0:20:55and I knew that they'd sack you if you ruined it.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Even Luke Harris and his Unnecessarily Vast Guitar?
0:20:59 > 0:21:03Oh, yeah, Luke's here. Unfortunately his guitar didn't fit on the bus.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Got another surprise for you, though.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Chris Cox, the mind reader who can't read minds, is here!
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Happy birthday!
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Big Howard, quick bit of mind reading.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- Do you know what I've got written down here?- No.- Wow!
0:21:15 > 0:21:19- How'd you do it?- Wow!
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Well done, lad. That was even better than Derren Brown.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26- Thanks.- But if you don't do more later, you're not getting a penny.
0:21:26 > 0:21:31But listen. I've got another show to go to, so can you pay me now?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34I have, the cheque's in the post. DETECTOR HONKS
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Oh dear. That's to say,
0:21:36 > 0:21:37I would pay you in cash,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40but my wallet's in me other pants. DETECTOR HONKS
0:21:40 > 0:21:44OK! The reason I agreed to this whole surprise party thing
0:21:44 > 0:21:47was everyone chipped in some money to pay Chris to do a show
0:21:47 > 0:21:49and I was going to nick it all and
0:21:49 > 0:21:53buy a Jacuzzi bird bath for me nest. DETECTOR BINGS
0:21:53 > 0:21:58- So sorry.- If someone doesn't detach this machine right now,
0:21:58 > 0:22:03I am going to fly into a window. DETECTOR BINGS
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd