0:00:02 > 0:00:03# Worlds away from anyone
0:00:03 > 0:00:06# They were burning themselves out in the sun
0:00:06 > 0:00:08# Worlds away from anyone
0:00:08 > 0:00:12# They were burning themselves out in the sun
0:00:12 > 0:00:18# There was just enough to get that far away
0:00:19 > 0:00:22# Ooh... #
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Oh! Well, um...
0:00:38 > 0:00:44Well, I first met Joy when I was forced to arrest her father, Pop.
0:00:44 > 0:00:49So, it was hardly the ideal circumstance, I'm sure you'll agree.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52'OK, here's my question. When people say they're, "in love,"
0:00:52 > 0:00:55'what do they mean? And how do you really know?'
0:00:55 > 0:01:00Joy and I started to talk, and I suppose the old, um...
0:01:01 > 0:01:04..Leonard charm kicked in there. Eh?
0:01:04 > 0:01:07'How come the other person feels exactly the same thing,
0:01:07 > 0:01:09'at the same time? How does this stuff work?'
0:01:09 > 0:01:12And you know how you do, I suppose,
0:01:12 > 0:01:14I just started seeing Sarge everywhere I went.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17You pulled me over for having a defective brake light.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Then he called me into the station,
0:01:19 > 0:01:23it was questioning for... It was armed robbery wasn't it?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Yep, armed rob.
0:01:25 > 0:01:31And all the while, we were just... tumbling head over heels in love.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Absolutely and completely.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42'So why am I asking these questions about love?
0:01:42 > 0:01:44'Because I was on fire!
0:01:44 > 0:01:46'Lockie Leonard was all fired up.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49'I was holding a flaming Olympic torch for Vicki Streeton.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51'We were hot as!
0:01:51 > 0:01:54'Of course, this is how it should have been weeks ago.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57'Until I stuffed it up.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58'Whatever was wrong back then
0:01:58 > 0:02:01'was feeling better than right, right now.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07'I was back in the game.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11'Vicki and I were on together, I guess that meant it was game on.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15'Not only that, we were drawing a crowd
0:02:15 > 0:02:18'and the weird thing was, the more the word got around,
0:02:18 > 0:02:21'the more popular we became.'
0:02:23 > 0:02:26'OK, so that's what I was, I was Vicki's new boyfriend.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28'Well, that's something.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30'Hey! It's everything!'
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- What?- I don't want to ask you this.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Oh, what is it?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40We're mates, OK?
0:02:40 > 0:02:44And because we're mates, people want me to ask about you and Vicki,
0:02:44 > 0:02:46and...the ladder.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50What ladder? I don't know what you're talking about.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Yes, you do! The ladder of love!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Step one - holding hands.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Step ten - getting arrested!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Which step are you guys on?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I don't know - who's counting?
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Who would even care?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Look, the whole school's counting.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07You're front page news.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Well, you don't have to be a part of it too.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Mate, I've had people coming up to me all week.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Look, I'm almost popular!
0:03:16 > 0:03:20I don't know what step on the ladder we've got to.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23- What's step two?- I don't know. You're the one getting the action!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26That doesn't make me an expert.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28I'm just making it up as I go along.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Talk to somebody who knows.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Step one is holding hands.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Step two is a kiss on the lips.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42Steps three through to ten are available to approved members only.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50OK, so it was becoming clear that once you're a somebody,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53your every move attracts attention.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56This was gonna take some getting used to.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I didn't know if I was "in love" with Vicki or not.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05I still didn't know what that meant yet. All I was thinking was,
0:04:05 > 0:04:12"There's this awesome girl, and she likes me." Over and over.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Lockie! Lockie! Lockie! Lockie!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Lockie, I've been thinking.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21It might be time I had a squiz at Mum's little green book.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I'm worried my relationship with Lisa is running on the spot.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26You haven't got a relationship.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Relationships have to change, they just can't stay the same.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33As soon as you start taking things for granted,
0:04:33 > 0:04:37the romance dies, things get boring and then it's over.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40That's why things have cooled off between Lisa and me.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44It's like there's a ladder that we'd been climbing together.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46I know, the ladder of love.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50And we'd climbed so high, then Lisa paused to to admire the view...
0:04:50 > 0:04:55- And John East hopped in? - I still can't believe it's true.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- What's John East got that I haven't? - A pay cheque. A car. A beard.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02They're just decorations.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Lockie, if I had one piece of advice from my experience,
0:05:05 > 0:05:09in your relationship, you can never, ever relax.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14I'm bored.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22And just on the off-chance, do you know if John East wets the bed?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25'Suddenly, there was a lot to think about.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28'But at least I knew Mum and Dad were thrilled for me.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29'Mum especially.'
0:05:29 > 0:05:32This is the beginning of the end, isn't it?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Our little family.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39This is the first hint
0:05:39 > 0:05:41that one day
0:05:41 > 0:05:46there'll be someone in Lockie's life that he loves more than us.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51He'll move out of home and visit us on Sundays.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57Then he'll decide we all lead such busy lives,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00a phone call's as good as a visit.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Only we won't be busy.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07We'll still be sitting here.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Well, you'll be reading poetry,
0:06:09 > 0:06:13and I'll have found something new to stress about.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Is that what it means, Sarge?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- Sarge?- Yes?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Is that what it means?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Our work here is done.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Hey...
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Hey.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Take it easy, don't go throwing yourself on the scrapheap just yet.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44I wish I'd never given him
0:06:44 > 0:06:47that little green book in the first place.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Maybe I should get it back.
0:06:50 > 0:06:56- Maybe.- Hmm, you know... Just to see what page he's up to.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Make sure he's not getting ahead of himself, stepwise.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Look, whatever we do,
0:07:03 > 0:07:05wherever we go,
0:07:05 > 0:07:06we draw a crowd.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15So, how do we get some time on our own to advance our relationship?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18To keep it fresh and interesting?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21I don't know. Go on a date, I suppose.
0:07:30 > 0:07:36'So here we were, finally on our own,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38at a place suggested by Vicki.'
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Hi.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42You look pretty.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46- Thank you.- No problem, I'm a natural born suck!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51So, this is interesting.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Trees!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56And more trees! Hmm, and over there too!
0:07:56 > 0:08:00There's something I want to show you, it's a bit of a trek though.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01No, cool, let's do it.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Follow me.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Just here.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15What's this?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19The old fort, I used to play here as a kid, they built them in the war.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Come on!
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Are you coming?
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Is it safe?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38'Was this step three on the ladder of love?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41'Going to dark scary places alone with a girl
0:08:41 > 0:08:44'and having no idea what you're meant to do next?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46'I didn't know.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50'But suddenly I felt like it would be good to have a crowd.'
0:09:02 > 0:09:05You wouldn't find this in the city, would you?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07You wouldn't need to.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10City people always think they're better.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Hey, Vicki, here's an idea,
0:09:16 > 0:09:21let's get out of here before we slip on something and break our necks.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Yep, fine. Whatever his lordship wants.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Hang on!
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Vicki! Wait!
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Vicki!
0:09:34 > 0:09:35Vicki! Wait!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Don't run off! What's wrong?
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Nothing.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47'That's it. Game over. She's gonna drop me like a hot potato.'
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I'm sorry.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52This was my favourite place as a kid. All right?
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I was gonna show you. I thought you might like it.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57All right!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00- It's just...- It doesn't matter.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03Maybe I should go.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08Oh, that's just great! Now you're gonna dump me a second time?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I don't even know what I did the first time round!
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- You dumped me!- That's because you lost interest in me.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18No, it wasn't! It's because I'm stupid.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25Cos I'm so totally stupid. Just ask anyone in the whole world.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28'OK, then. This is making sense.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30'Yeah, totally expected this.'
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Gee, Lock, you've gotta learn how to relax.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42You just kissed me, like you really meant it.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Yeah, well maybe I do...really mean it.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Don't go thinking you're a real spunk.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53You're still Lockie Leonard, who can't get out of his wetsuit
0:10:53 > 0:10:56and has obviously kissed no-one but his mum before.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07I can do better.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09I promise.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12I just need time
0:11:12 > 0:11:14and practice.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Come on, let's get out of here. Did you want to come back to my place?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26'OK, what do I feel like?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28'I feel sensational...yet confused.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32'I didn't realise you could be sliding down the ladder of love
0:11:32 > 0:11:36'as well as climbing back up again both at the same time.'
0:11:38 > 0:11:41'As opposed to Philip, who was in total freefall.'
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Do it, Philip. You have to know the truth
0:11:44 > 0:11:47however terrible that may be.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Philip! How are you?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Er...frantic, it's the Blue Light disco next week.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Major event. Months of planning.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Er...were you thinking of coming...possibly?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Philip, it was my idea! I'm running it.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- I'll be there all night, supervising. - Of course you will, yes.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- I was just checking the numbers for the punch.- You're making the punch?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Family tradition!
0:12:13 > 0:12:18So, just so I can get the numbers down...for the punch.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Were you thinking of coming...alone?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- Yeah, yeah I'll be going to the disco alone.- That's excellent!
0:12:24 > 0:12:29That's...OK. Er... Just so it's totally clear,
0:12:29 > 0:12:34were you thinking of leaving any spare boyfriends at home?
0:12:34 > 0:12:38If you have one! Do you have one...in fact?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Um...no.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Well...
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Not really, no.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48That's excellent. I'll make a note of that.
0:12:48 > 0:12:53No new boyfriends on the horizon.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Where are your oldies?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- At the yacht club. - So they're not here?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- Just us? - Dad's showing off his new boat.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05- It's pretty gross, hey? - I wouldn't say no to a new yacht.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08What's gross is the kind of people they are. All money and no taste.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12'That was a bit heavy! I don't think there's been a day in my life
0:13:12 > 0:13:14'where I hadn't thought Sarge and Mum were ace.'
0:13:14 > 0:13:17What are you thinking, Mr Tick Tick Tick?
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Are your mum and dad happy?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21With each other? No. They fight like politicians.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24It's only the money that's keeping them together.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26'I was hearing all this stuff from Vicki's head
0:13:26 > 0:13:29'that no-one else had ever heard before.'
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Sorry, don't get mad at me.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35- I don't think I was going to. - Oh, that's OK then.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40'In fact, the more Vicki let on, the more I wanted to take care of her.'
0:13:40 > 0:13:45Mum always said that having us kids made her and Sarge really happy.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- I bet. - You have any brothers or sisters?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51A brother, but he's much older. That's him there.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Come on.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Sometimes you don't sound like
0:14:07 > 0:14:12- you're the happiest person in the world.- No, but I'm the nicest.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17What am I thinking?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Oh, you know.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Global warming...
0:14:21 > 0:14:23..how much I'd like to kiss you.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Are we serious?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34We're popular. Why does everyone in the world
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- want to know what step we're up to? - Oh, I don't know.
0:14:37 > 0:14:42Lockie, do you like me, even though I'm stuffed up and totally crazed?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45No, it makes it even better.
0:14:46 > 0:14:51- You'll watch me in class for weeks, won't you?- I'm always watching you.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I mean, in a good way.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Vicki looked gorgeous,
0:14:57 > 0:15:01and I think she was asking me if I was in love with her,
0:15:01 > 0:15:05which was a tough question to answer because I had no idea what it meant.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10So what do you reckon the rest of the world thinks we've been up to?
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Oh...
0:15:12 > 0:15:14You know...
0:15:14 > 0:15:17I reckon everybody thinks we're up to step three.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Do you know what step four is?
0:15:19 > 0:15:24Why? So you can run back and tell all your friends?
0:15:29 > 0:15:30DISTANT VOICES
0:15:30 > 0:15:32My mum and dad!
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- Well, I need to take it, I'm sorry! - You don't need it!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39You two behaving yourselves?
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Er, this is Lockie.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I know you - Dad's a cop. Clapped out Volvo.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Hurry up, people are waiting for us at the club.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Yeah, yeah, I just need to get my PalmPilot.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Here it is!
0:15:55 > 0:15:58You see this, Larry? Two gigabytes of memory,
0:15:58 > 0:16:04- 500 bucks - I get it for four. - Well done, you, can we get going?
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Oh, and Lenny?
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Tell your dad I'm an honest man, will you do that for me?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Barry, we're leaving now. Thank you.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21I need a kiss!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I need an ambulance.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31The important thing about being in love, certainly with Barry and me,
0:16:31 > 0:16:34well, you have to keep an eye on the big picture.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36You have to ask the hard questions.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37What's the story?
0:16:37 > 0:16:41What is it that really keeps us together?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- Is it the kids?- Is it the business?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Is it the house? The property ladder?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48What's the cement here?
0:16:48 > 0:16:52- Because everything else... - Love, your children...
0:16:52 > 0:16:57They all come and go, but bricks and mortar, that lasts forever.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00That's money in the bank.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04'Our first date had been amazing.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06'But at the same time I felt as though
0:17:06 > 0:17:11'I'd just been through boot camp with Vicki's stuffed up family.'
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Lockie, you all right? You look a bit feverish.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I'm fine, Mum.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23You know I have always trusted you.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27That's why I know you would never do anything or take any steps...
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Mum! Please!
0:17:29 > 0:17:30Everything's OK.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37You're better than all the other mums in the world.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Sit down.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Now, Sarge and I have been talking,
0:17:43 > 0:17:46and given your special friendship with Vicki, we think
0:17:46 > 0:17:49it would be lovely if she could bring her parents around for tea.
0:17:53 > 0:17:58- I guess they call you Sarge, mostly. - Yeah, Sarge.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- Sarge and Mum, clearly. - Yeah, Mum, too.- But you're Sarge.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05I'm mainly Sarge, yeah, Sarge. Um...
0:18:05 > 0:18:08"Hey, you," occasionally, that comes into it.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- "Hey, you." Mmmm.- Yeah.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14What about you?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Oh, well...
0:18:16 > 0:18:20We've always been very comfortable with Christian names,
0:18:20 > 0:18:23we encourage Vicki to call us Barry and Sally.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27That way we're all on the same page!
0:18:27 > 0:18:31I hate them wanting me to call them by their first names.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34It's as if they never actually wanted to become parents.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37'I'm thinking there's this awesome girl
0:18:37 > 0:18:39'and she really needs me.'
0:18:47 > 0:18:49'The ladder of love?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52'I reckon there's two of them actually.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56'One's about how far you can get, kissing a girl and stuff.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59'But the other one's about falling in love.'
0:19:02 > 0:19:05'So I didn't go back to that smelly fort
0:19:05 > 0:19:07'because I wanted to kiss Vicki especially.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09'I went back because I figured out
0:19:09 > 0:19:12'this was something that Vicki really needed.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15'This must have been Vicki's safe place.'
0:19:19 > 0:19:21You spend your whole life
0:19:21 > 0:19:25thinking how great it would be to have a girlfriend.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28But...you never think what you're gonna do once you get one.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34'You never think there's a real person there
0:19:34 > 0:19:38'who you should try and get to know, try and make them happy.'
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Lockie...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I love you.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09'I still didn't know what love meant.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12'But whatever I was feeling felt right.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15'Better than anything I'd ever felt before.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17'And that was something!'
0:20:18 > 0:20:20BOTH: # A boo boo boo-boo
0:20:20 > 0:20:22# A boo boo boo-boo
0:20:22 > 0:20:24# A boo boo boo boo-boo... #
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:20:47 > 0:20:49E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk