0:00:09 > 0:00:12THEY START TO GIBBER AND SING
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Ring-a-ring-a-roses
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# A pocketful of posies
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# A-tishoo! A-tishoo! We all fall down. #
0:00:26 > 0:00:29MANIACAL LAUGHTER
0:00:32 > 0:00:35The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.
0:00:35 > 0:00:41The old-school spies have had their day. MI9 needs new agents...
0:00:50 > 0:00:54..hidden in a place no villain will think to look.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Welcome to MI High.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09B+. Your lowest mark ever.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Don't you want to get on in life? - Course I do.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16It's no good, Rose. I've decided to put you into another school.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18I don't want to leave St Hope's.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- You told me you had no friends here. - That was before.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24You're too good for this place.
0:01:28 > 0:01:33- Monsignor's Academy?- It's expensive, but it'll be worth every penny.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I'm seeing your headmaster at 1pm.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39I'll be discussing your transfer to Monsignor's.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Oooh, Daisy's got an invite!
0:01:43 > 0:01:48Yeah, to the youth club under-12's disco! Wish we could come(!)
0:01:48 > 0:01:51But...I don't really look 12, do I?
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Do I?
0:01:58 > 0:02:05Well, GM, it seems my new product was successful.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Yes, Britain's scientists have been reduced to giggling toddlers
0:02:09 > 0:02:12and we can move on to target B.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Is the next batch ready?
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Just as soon as I have your payment in my account, GM.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Now the next stage of our plan should prove...
0:02:22 > 0:02:25child's play!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY
0:02:34 > 0:02:36INEXPERT BEATBOXING >
0:02:36 > 0:02:43"Yeah, you, chix, big up respect Cos I has got the biggest pecs."
0:02:50 > 0:02:54"If you don't think I'm class, then..."
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Er...
0:02:57 > 0:02:59"..you need specs."
0:03:00 > 0:03:05Nice. Metal coinage is so in this summer(!)
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- It is?- Mmm, yeah.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- It must be designer, right? - No, I done it myself.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Really? Wow! You have to market this stuff.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Well, my nan does work at the market.- Hmm...
0:03:52 > 0:03:57- Welcome, team. NOSE is in trouble. - We're gonna get a nose job?
0:03:57 > 0:04:02NOSE is the National Organisation for Scientific Experimentation.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I'd love to work there one day.
0:04:06 > 0:04:11NOSE HQ. These are some of the country's top scientists.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15It seems their mental ages have been reduced to that of three-year-olds.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20Vital scientific developments have ground to a halt
0:04:20 > 0:04:23while our top minds play ring-a-ring-a-roses.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Find out what happened and who was behind it.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- Some gadgets might help. - Not on this mission.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32But I do have something for each of you.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40Daisy. The footage you've just been watching. Check it for clues.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Rose, you have the entire contents of the NOSE HQ to analyse.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50- What? Everything? - I thought you'd be thrilled.- I am.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Sure. Only... Nothing.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58Whatever affected them could've been in that lab. We need an antidote.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- On it.- Blane, there's someone I'd like you to meet.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05It's your responsibility to look after them.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09I'm going to be a bodyguard. This is so cool!
0:05:09 > 0:05:15Meet Dr Simon Grabworst, chief scientist at NOSE.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- HE SNIGGERS - Poo-poo.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24Are you joking? I'm a ninja, not a baby-sitter.
0:05:24 > 0:05:29- See if you can get any clues out of him.- I know nothing about kids!
0:05:29 > 0:05:33One tip - never let them out of your sight.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- Hey! Where'd he go? - RUSTLING
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Fifty Pence, you are the man.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47That Daisy is going...
0:05:47 > 0:05:53- crazy for your bling. - Nice earring, macho man(!)
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Yeah. Mind you don't get ear droop.
0:05:56 > 0:06:01- "Ear droop"?- You've gotta watch that heavy jewellery.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03THEY LAUGH
0:06:06 > 0:06:11Mr Gupta is a most important parent. His daughter actually passes exams.
0:06:11 > 0:06:17I've no idea why he's coming, but everything needs to look its best!
0:06:17 > 0:06:20That's one o'clock, meet Mr Gupta.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Everything will be ship-shape, Mr F, no problem.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30Er...I'll get that fixed right away.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Yes, and the paper-clips need tidying,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36and the chipped mugs need replacing,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39and don't forget the blocked drain in the yard.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42You've got to step up to the mark, Bicknall.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46No problem, Mr F. That's what I'm here for, innit?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Oh, Bicknall!
0:06:53 > 0:06:58Maybe it's some kind of hysteria, like the January sales in Topgirl.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02The scientific name is group behavioural psychosis.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08I hate science. Maybe if it could make you look older...
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Older? Who'd want to be older?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Who doesn't?
0:07:13 > 0:07:18Let me think. People who don't get invited to any REAL parties.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23- Not all boys worry about how you look.- Oh, no, course not.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27Everyone loves a girl in a lab coat and goofy glasses.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- I might be wearing them somewhere else soon.- What are you doing?
0:07:31 > 0:07:35When I said, "Do some drawing," I didn't mean on the walls!
0:07:35 > 0:07:39This stupid kid's not gonna be any help at all!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43HE WAILS
0:07:46 > 0:07:48How's the Formula 66 doing?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Tchk, tchk, tchk. Always so impatient, GM.
0:07:51 > 0:07:58Don't stress. Your precious formula will be ready in a few hours.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Our target this time is the media.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04With no-one to report on our activities,
0:08:04 > 0:08:07SKUL will be totally free to pursue our evil agenda.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12I will call you as soon as I have received my next payment.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- Wow!- Applying for a transfer?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Monsignor's? Who'd want to go there?
0:08:19 > 0:08:25Frumpy uniforms, exams every day, no-one interesting like us around.
0:08:25 > 0:08:30- You can't leave. You're one of the team.- In your own funny way.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Well, it's not definite.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Not until this afternoon, anyway, when my dad comes in.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41- We'll have to make him see what a great school St Hope's is.- Burp!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44OK, I admit that won't be so easy.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47BLEEPING
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- Bicknall.- 'Ah, Leonard.'
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- Yes, ma'am. - 'What's happening about NOSE?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00'We need results fast.'
0:09:00 > 0:09:04Don't worry, Operation Nostril is under way.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Operation? What operation?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Er...my hip, sir.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Booked in next week.- Oh.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Oops!
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- Sorry, guv.- Thank you, Bicknall(!)
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I can't find anything!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26It's like looking for a DNA helix in a gene pool!
0:09:26 > 0:09:30I want you to try and tell me what happened to you in the laboratory.
0:09:30 > 0:09:36Do any of these pictures remind you of anything?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Awter!- "Ought to" what?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Awter!
0:09:42 > 0:09:46- You mean water?- Yeah.- Rose, was there any water at the NOSE lab?
0:09:46 > 0:09:50Of course, there's a water cooler.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Good boy. Who's a good boy?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59I can't believe I missed checking it.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07That's more like it! The molecular structure looks weird.
0:10:07 > 0:10:12It must have been altered to produce a regressive response.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16- Huh?- Regression - makes you act how you were as a kid.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20That's what the water's doing. If anyone drank this, they...
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - My water sample!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Stop! That water's dangerous!
0:10:28 > 0:10:33Stop! Don't be frightened. Just put the cup down.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Custard's off! It's lumpy and horrible!
0:10:44 > 0:10:46What are you doing?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Mrs Oliver's food is tasty and nutritious.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51She's sweated over these meals.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Just because you don't like school dinners, that's no reason
0:10:56 > 0:11:01- to stop others enjoying them. Now, out you go!- But...- Uh-uh.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03No buts. Outside, now. Go.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- Sorry about that, Kylie... - Maybe whatever's in the water
0:11:10 > 0:11:13won't work in custard.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20It works in custard.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25Oh, no! My dad! He's going to freak out.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30- I'm dead.- You tell me, how could anyone work in such an atmosphere?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Mr Gupta?
0:11:37 > 0:11:42Steve Squires, school governor. Delighted to meet you.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46It'll be my pleasure to show you round. Shall we?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49I'm taking my daughter out of this school.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54I hope this tour changes your preconceptions about St Hope's.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55WHOOPING
0:11:55 > 0:12:00Our charity bounce-a-thon has raised thousands.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04You didn't think we'd let you go that easily, did you?
0:12:08 > 0:12:13- The oxygen levels in that NOSE water were way too high.- Oxygen?
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Yes, the saturated dissolved O2 concentrations were off the scale.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20My mum was at this beauty parlour and the woman there was obsessed
0:12:20 > 0:12:23with oxygen keeping you young.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26They even had their own brand of oxygen masks.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32We've won a vast array of silverware.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37- Leapfrog, tiddlywinks... - Can't do shoe!
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Can that boy really not do up his own shoelaces?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46He's in year nine.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Meet young Julian Hamlin,
0:12:49 > 0:12:52our Drama Society's finest actor.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56He's rehearsing for his role as the fool in King Lear.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00We're beating off Hollywood agents with a stick,
0:13:00 > 0:13:03but theatre remains his first love.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- Was this the place?- Yeah. Shangri-La.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13- A kingdom where people were said to live for ever.- Worth checking out?
0:13:13 > 0:13:19Yes. If we can find the formula of that water, I can make an antidote.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24We've got two hours before school ends and 1,000 toddlers hit town!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I have the perfect legend.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34How does Milan Radisson, spoiled heiress and party girl sound?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37So, this is a disguise, is it?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40It's a tough job but someone has to do it.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Take these retractable bionic earrings.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- They can pick up a conversation through two feet of concrete.- Cute!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I mean, they'll be really useful.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59KNOCK AT DOOR
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Can I help?
0:14:07 > 0:14:13AMERICAN: Milan Radisson. Daddy's in property. I love your aura.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17What can we do for you, Miss Radisson?
0:14:17 > 0:14:22- Well...uh, I have this line on my forehead when I frown.- Oh, yes.
0:14:22 > 0:14:28- I can see it.- Yeah. So I want to, like, take action.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33- Prevention is so much better than a cure, right?- How true.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38You're never too young to combat the ravages of time, my dear.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Slip your cloak off and make yourself comfortable.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51But don't touch anything!
0:14:51 > 0:14:55I have something I have to attend to first.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- YELLING - Now, our art...
0:15:07 > 0:15:12Not for us, tired old still lifes and weary portraiture.
0:15:12 > 0:15:17Conceptualism. Bold abstracts.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20That's today's art world,
0:15:20 > 0:15:24and our kids are leading the way.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34DOOR OPENS
0:15:37 > 0:15:39What are you doing?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Just trying to find the right yogic position, darling.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I like your thinking.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Now...
0:15:49 > 0:15:56..how about a nice walnut, kumquat and builder's sand face mask?
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Perfect for opening those little pores.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04So, like, how long have you been in the beauty biz?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Oh, I've always been into looking good.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11I won my first pageant aged six.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Miss Baby Curls, Colwyn Bay.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20Then it was fashion shoots, parties, my own perfume range.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25And then, aged 21, on the scrapheap, can you imagine?
0:16:25 > 0:16:30But...you still look...fabulous.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I know,
0:16:32 > 0:16:35but people didn't see it.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Still, I've proved them wrong.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42I've made looking young my life's work.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46I hope Daisy's got that formula.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50Because without it, I'm getting nowhere.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I'll see how she's doing.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Turning back the tides of time is what Shangri-La is all about.
0:16:57 > 0:17:03I have lotions and potions that will nip those crow's feet in the bud.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Actually, I have a revolutionary new product
0:17:17 > 0:17:19that might be just what you need.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Back in a mo.
0:17:28 > 0:17:33Right, time to tune in and see what old Botox Face is really up to.
0:17:33 > 0:17:39- Bossy!- This is my room!- Shut up!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Waaaaah!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Anger management.
0:17:47 > 0:17:54A healthy exchange of views... and food, really clears the air.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- I think I've seen enough!- No, wait!
0:17:56 > 0:18:00I've been saving the best till last.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03There's something I really must show you.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12- MAN:- 'Two bags of chips and one sausage sandwich, darlin'.'- Nope.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16Too far away. Must be that greasy spoon across the road.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- That's better.- 'Once media figures all over the UK are behaving
0:18:20 > 0:18:25'like they're in nursery, we'll regress the police and judges.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27'Goodbye, law and order!'
0:18:27 > 0:18:31- 'You are a naughty man, GM.'- GM?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33The Grand Master?
0:18:39 > 0:18:41BEEPING
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Rose, there's someone coming!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Dad! What are you doing here?
0:18:54 > 0:19:00As you can see, our new science and technology lab is state of the art.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Amazing! I can't believe Rose never mentioned any of this.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09Such fantastic computers! What is my Rose up to over there?
0:19:09 > 0:19:16Um, since an advanced particle physics tutorial is in progress,
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- we really should...- Of course. Let the work continue.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Monsignor's could never match this.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Mr Squires, thank you for helping me reach a most important decision.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34I'm really looking forward to going in that space-age lift again!
0:19:41 > 0:19:44'Thanks to SKUL's funding, I can continue
0:19:44 > 0:19:47'my quest for eternal beauty.
0:19:47 > 0:19:52'Goodbye, my hunky nectarine.'
0:19:58 > 0:20:04Try this. It's our latest product, Formula 66.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Oh, my favourite colour. What's in it?
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Just water, with a few extras.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15But people are finding it takes years off them.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- How's that?- Mmm.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Who are you? Where's my mom? You're not pretty like my mom.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34And you won't be pretty either,
0:20:34 > 0:20:39when I'm finished with you, whoever you are.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47CAR STARTS
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Bang! Bang, bang, bang!
0:20:53 > 0:20:58So...who are you, Miss Radisson?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01And who do you work for?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Right! Liposuction.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08A Shangri-La speciality.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Maybe this will loosen your tongue!
0:21:13 > 0:21:15- Impossible! - Not if you know the ancient
0:21:15 > 0:21:20Chinese art of self-dislocation, and you're not some creaky OAP!
0:21:20 > 0:21:22How dare you?!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31What do you know about OAPs?
0:21:31 > 0:21:37- You look about ten!- 13, actually! Anyway, looks aren't everything.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13You can only look young once.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19I need to know the exact formula that you used.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- Or what?- Or...
0:22:23 > 0:22:26you get an all-over orange tan.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30But that's against the Geneva Convention!
0:22:30 > 0:22:35- What are you doing?- My orders are to destroy all supplies of this stuff.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39But without SKUL's funding, how will I pay for my beauty treatment?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43What will happen? How will I stay young?
0:22:43 > 0:22:48- Young? You must be at least 60! - How did you guess?
0:22:48 > 0:22:52I have the face and body of a 25-year-old Californian!
0:22:52 > 0:22:58- I'm afraid not. Take a look.- You can't buy bone structure like that.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Well, you can, but...
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Take a good, hard look.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08SHE GASPS
0:23:08 > 0:23:12All those years of surgery,
0:23:12 > 0:23:17- implants, chemical peels, and anti-ageing formulae...- Wasted.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19You can't fight nature.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26- That was me, once. - Wow, you were hot!
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I was an icon, world-famous!
0:23:29 > 0:23:33But who would want to photograph me now?
0:23:33 > 0:23:38You can still be the same person on the inside.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45You're right.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50The world only ever saw my image, never the real me.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53The Grand Master fed on my vanity.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55They all did.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58What a fool I've been!
0:23:58 > 0:24:02So, you'll give us the formula?
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Rose, great news!
0:24:18 > 0:24:22School ends in ten minutes and everyone's still three years old!
0:24:22 > 0:24:24I'm going as fast as I can!
0:24:24 > 0:24:28I've inverted the formula, but I'm missing the catalyst.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I can't work it out.
0:24:33 > 0:24:38- His drawings have improved. Looks like an H, C...- And a nice big L.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40HCL.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Hydrogen chloride.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Dr Grabworst's been trying to tell us something all along!
0:24:45 > 0:24:49These numbers are the last part of the antidote!
0:24:52 > 0:24:56Vanessa's original formula, combined with my inversion of it,
0:24:56 > 0:25:01plus the catalyst agent known only to Dr Grabworst equals...
0:25:01 > 0:25:06the antidote! Now we need a quick way of getting it to everyone.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09How about the ventilation system?
0:25:09 > 0:25:14- Perfect. You're an expert in hot air.- It'll be dangerous.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16We don't have any choice.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19What are his chances?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Of placing the antidote and returning in three minutes?
0:25:22 > 0:25:26At a guess, 9.356% recurring.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04We're out of time!
0:26:08 > 0:26:12BELL RINGS
0:26:21 > 0:26:23W...What am I doing?
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Right.
0:26:25 > 0:26:30Everyone, home time, please.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- GIGGLING - Nice handbag!
0:26:34 > 0:26:37This ain't no Fifty Pence piece.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42- I'd get heat on the street. - Mind you don't smudge your lippy.
0:26:47 > 0:26:53Well, the head of MI9 is delighted. The antidote is being distributed
0:26:53 > 0:26:58and soon, our finest scientific minds will be back to normal. And...
0:26:58 > 0:27:02- AS "SQUIRES":- Am I right in thinking we've all learned something today?
0:27:02 > 0:27:08Old people are desperate to be young. It's really quite flattering.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12I'm sure there's some logical explanation for all this,
0:27:12 > 0:27:15but I can't think what it is.
0:27:15 > 0:27:20Ah, Rose Gupta, you're clearly a very clever young lady.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24If you want a job once you've completed your studies,
0:27:24 > 0:27:26then give me a call.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29And Blane,
0:27:29 > 0:27:34if ever I need a baby-sitter, I know where to come.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Thanks, but my baby-sitting days are over.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46BLEEP Ugh! Where's my beautiful Vanessa?
0:27:46 > 0:27:51- I am Vanessa. - You? But you look like my granny!
0:27:51 > 0:27:54What happened to your "beauty regime"?
0:27:54 > 0:27:58- I'm over all that, bunny boy. - And what about General Flopsy?
0:27:58 > 0:28:04He drank a sample of your formula, and now he isn't even house trained.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Oh, General!