The Big Bling

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0:00:03 > 0:00:05The Purple Star...

0:00:05 > 0:00:11Don't you just want to feel it, smell it, taste it?

0:00:11 > 0:00:16- It'd make a good paperweight.- Nigel! Thanks to my criminal mastermind,

0:00:16 > 0:00:20we have seven of the eight biggest diamonds in Britain.

0:00:20 > 0:00:23The only one left? The Koh-i-Noor diamond!

0:00:23 > 0:00:27We're to steal the Koh-i-Noor diamond from the Tower Of London?

0:00:27 > 0:00:31And then...for every insult, every put-down,

0:00:31 > 0:00:34every time I've been made to look an idiot,

0:00:34 > 0:00:38every time I've been ignored... It'll be zap!

0:00:38 > 0:00:42Zap! Zappety zap-zap-zap-zap-zap-zap!

0:00:44 > 0:00:47- It will go "zap", won't it?- Mm.

0:00:49 > 0:00:51The 21st century faces a new threat.

0:00:51 > 0:00:54The old-school spies have had their day.

0:00:54 > 0:00:57MI9 needs a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

0:01:07 > 0:01:11Hidden in a place no villain would think to look...

0:01:11 > 0:01:15Welcome to M.I. High.

0:01:19 > 0:01:22Why do all footballers insist on being models?

0:01:22 > 0:01:25That guy wears more jewellery than my mum.

0:01:25 > 0:01:30Lift your leg over OVER 90 degrees. It's all about angles.

0:01:30 > 0:01:34Poor Stewart, getting football lessons from a girl!

0:01:34 > 0:01:39Nice football boots, Rose. Oh, sorry, they're your normal shoes.

0:01:39 > 0:01:41Good shoe insult.

0:01:41 > 0:01:45- I'd give it...six out of ten? - Hmm, I'd give it a five.

0:01:50 > 0:01:52Well, what do you think?

0:01:52 > 0:01:56Hmm...yeah.

0:01:56 > 0:02:01You don't think it's a little too... subtle, maybe? As laser cannons go.

0:02:01 > 0:02:05Mr B, we're running out of the smaller diamonds. You see...

0:02:05 > 0:02:11Hold on! Is this going to get technical? Continue.

0:02:11 > 0:02:15For the eight big diamonds to unleash maximum power,

0:02:15 > 0:02:18we need to channel sunlight into them.

0:02:18 > 0:02:22And the more small diamonds we have the better?

0:02:22 > 0:02:27Yes. But even then we need the Koh-i-Noor diamond to go there.

0:02:27 > 0:02:30- But we'll never break into the Tower of London.- Yes!

0:02:30 > 0:02:32But we might not have to.

0:02:32 > 0:02:36ELECTRONIC BLEEPING

0:02:36 > 0:02:40- 'Hello, it's the Queen here.' - You've bugged Buckingham Palace?!

0:02:40 > 0:02:42'These ghastly diamond thefts...

0:02:42 > 0:02:46'Everyone knows one's crown jewels are at the Tower,

0:02:46 > 0:02:52'so for security I want them moved immediately to St Hope's School.'

0:02:52 > 0:02:53A school?

0:02:53 > 0:02:57- Why would the Queen send her diamonds there?!- Who cares?

0:02:57 > 0:03:02We'll go to this St Hope's, steal the diamond, and then...

0:03:02 > 0:03:08Kaboom! Kaboom or zap, I haven't decided yet.

0:03:08 > 0:03:12Before you got to know me, I bet you thought I was a dork.

0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Er, still do. - It's the same with Stewart.

0:03:15 > 0:03:17If you get to know him, he's cool.

0:03:18 > 0:03:22Now I have got a DVD for you to watch.

0:03:22 > 0:03:24THEY GROAN

0:03:24 > 0:03:28Yes, I know, but this is a very important campaign.

0:03:28 > 0:03:30Play!

0:03:33 > 0:03:35Hi. I'm Ben Lacey.

0:03:35 > 0:03:37GIRLS SCREAM

0:03:37 > 0:03:40Being England Captain, I get to wear a lot of bling.

0:03:40 > 0:03:43But more bling means more crime.

0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Hey!- (Let go!)

0:03:50 > 0:03:53That's why I'm travelling to schools everywhere

0:03:53 > 0:03:58- for my Sling Your Bling campaign. - Please just stick to football.

0:03:58 > 0:04:01A Bling Bin. Sling your bling in one of these,

0:04:01 > 0:04:07and don't be a target for thieves. So come on, do the right thing...

0:04:07 > 0:04:09Sling Your Bling!

0:04:12 > 0:04:15And that is exactly what I hope you'll all be doing

0:04:15 > 0:04:19when Ben Lacey visits St Hope's tomorrow.

0:04:19 > 0:04:20GIRLS SCREAM

0:04:22 > 0:04:24Sling my bling?

0:04:24 > 0:04:25He can sling his hook.

0:04:25 > 0:04:27Just keep breathing.

0:04:27 > 0:04:30BUZZING

0:04:33 > 0:04:34BLEEPING

0:04:40 > 0:04:43WHIRRING AND RINGING

0:04:56 > 0:05:02Woh! Is that a di...a di...? Sorry, I can't speak.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05- We need more of these.- Ahem.

0:05:05 > 0:05:09Seven of the eight biggest diamonds in Britain have been stolen,

0:05:09 > 0:05:16- including the Purple Star of Edinburgh.- That's serious bling!

0:05:16 > 0:05:20This is the only famous diamond left, the Koh-i-Noor diamond

0:05:20 > 0:05:25of the crown jewels. The Queen has sent it here for safe keeping.

0:05:25 > 0:05:30The number one suspect for the thefts is England captain

0:05:30 > 0:05:34- and diamond collector, Ben Lacey. - No way! Lacey's like Mr Charity.

0:05:34 > 0:05:38And there's his Sling Your Bling campaign.

0:05:38 > 0:05:42So why are the schools in his campaign all near the thefts?

0:05:42 > 0:05:45And he "just happens" to be visiting St Hope's?

0:05:45 > 0:05:48- He must've known the diamond was here.- Gadgets.

0:05:48 > 0:05:54Here. The very latest in vehicle surveillance,

0:05:54 > 0:05:57and a stressometer to use on Lacey when he arrives.

0:05:57 > 0:06:02Great. The one time I get to meet the hottest guy on the planet...

0:06:04 > 0:06:06CHEERING AND SCREAMING

0:06:11 > 0:06:15When we do catch him, you can be first to put the handcuffs on.

0:06:15 > 0:06:21- Critchley, what ARE you wearing? - My England strip.

0:06:21 > 0:06:25Looks more like the over-80s England knitting team!

0:06:25 > 0:06:29My Gran would be gutted if I didn't wear them.

0:06:29 > 0:06:31CHANTING: We want Ben! We want Ben!

0:06:39 > 0:06:44- Kaboom! Zappety zap-zap-zap! - Hellooo? Ben?

0:06:46 > 0:06:49- We're at St Hope's!- Ere, catch.

0:06:49 > 0:06:53Relax, little bruv! I'm going to sign it for the kids.

0:07:08 > 0:07:12My brother doesn't want any panic, so just form a nice, orderly...

0:07:12 > 0:07:14SCREAMING

0:07:16 > 0:07:21- Sorry, do you mind?- Excuse me... Mr Lacey!

0:07:21 > 0:07:23Kenneth Flatley, head teacher.

0:07:23 > 0:07:27Can you sign this for me, please?

0:07:27 > 0:07:34"To Mrs Lacey..." Oh, no, I mean, Ms Templeman.

0:07:34 > 0:07:36Aw, this pen don't even work.

0:07:36 > 0:07:39Maybe if you took the top off?

0:07:39 > 0:07:45Clever. Turns up, acts dumb, no-one suspects he's a diamond thief.

0:07:49 > 0:07:54Well, all right, children. If you can all go back into school, please.

0:07:54 > 0:08:00I'm sure Mr Lacey will come and visit you all. Let him through.

0:08:03 > 0:08:05How ARE those two brothers?

0:08:05 > 0:08:09Remember - wait till Lacey makes a move, then strike.

0:08:16 > 0:08:18CAMERA CLICKS

0:08:29 > 0:08:33The bus is clean. No gadgets, no diamonds.

0:08:37 > 0:08:42- Here you are.- I'll hand those out if you like.- What's your name? Dizzy.

0:08:42 > 0:08:44ALL LAUGH

0:08:44 > 0:08:48Dizzy! Dizzy! Dizzy!

0:08:48 > 0:08:52I'll do it. I'm ambidextrous so I'll do it twice as fast.

0:08:52 > 0:08:55GROANS

0:08:56 > 0:08:58Thought that would shut 'em up.

0:09:03 > 0:09:05If he turns red, he's stressed.

0:09:05 > 0:09:09Ask him something only the thief would know about.

0:09:10 > 0:09:14- Yes, Dizzy?- I know you don't wear diamonds any more,

0:09:14 > 0:09:19but did you ever have one as big as, say, the Purple Star?

0:09:20 > 0:09:28Dunno! I had a purple car once. Or was it green? Yellow?

0:09:28 > 0:09:33- He's not stressed. Maybe he's just a good liar, that's all.- Now Ben,

0:09:33 > 0:09:37I wanted to be the first to kick things off and sling my bling.

0:09:37 > 0:09:43Anyway, maybe it's a little bit fancy for a single woman...

0:09:43 > 0:09:45I'm going to nip to the toilet.

0:09:48 > 0:09:53- Or look for a diamond?- Julian? You going to sling your Bling?

0:09:53 > 0:09:58ALL CHANT: Sling it! Sling it! Sling it!

0:09:59 > 0:10:01Erm...!

0:10:03 > 0:10:05Leave Ben alone, you two.

0:10:05 > 0:10:07'Inside, now!'

0:10:08 > 0:10:13Rose, we've lost Lacey and can't get away. But he's on the move.

0:10:14 > 0:10:16Great! We've got a camera down.

0:10:16 > 0:10:19Lacey knows the diamond's here.

0:10:19 > 0:10:23- First thing I'd do is take out the cameras.- How? I can't even see him.

0:10:40 > 0:10:42He's jamming them somehow.

0:10:48 > 0:10:51- He's closer to the storeroom. - Unlock the door.

0:10:51 > 0:10:55If he finds this place we can catch him red-handed.

0:11:08 > 0:11:14Nigel, I found a storage room and a shedload of surveillance cameras.

0:11:14 > 0:11:16I wonder...

0:11:41 > 0:11:45He can't have found it. He's not coming down.

0:11:45 > 0:11:46Nothing but junk!

0:11:47 > 0:11:50I need to catch him using that camera jammer.

0:12:22 > 0:12:25Hello...Ben? Time to go.

0:12:25 > 0:12:30We have another school to visit at 12, photo shoot at three,

0:12:30 > 0:12:33choosing your latest hairstyle at four...

0:12:33 > 0:12:37I was going to suggest bald with a little green tuft.

0:12:37 > 0:12:41We'll go when I'm ready. 'Ere, boys, give my brother a go!

0:12:41 > 0:12:43But you know I can't... No!

0:12:44 > 0:12:47Sorry, bruv, I couldn't resist.

0:12:47 > 0:12:49I'll tell 'em we're leaving.

0:12:51 > 0:12:56A remote-surveillance jammer. No wonder he got all those diamonds.

0:12:56 > 0:13:00With the cameras down we've no proof it's Lacey's.

0:13:00 > 0:13:04We scared him off, or he doesn't think the diamond's here.

0:13:05 > 0:13:06He's leaving!

0:13:11 > 0:13:17One small step for man, one giant leap for the posse.

0:13:21 > 0:13:27- I'm sorry, Ben really has to go. - Oh, Reginald the spoilsport. Boo!

0:13:29 > 0:13:32Being a football megastar, he's really busy.

0:13:34 > 0:13:37Ever wondered what you'll be like when you grow up?!

0:13:39 > 0:13:44- I hate how Lacey treats his brother. - Just like you treat Stewart?

0:13:49 > 0:13:54What now? We need proof Lacey was here to steal the diamond, or fail.

0:13:54 > 0:13:56Daisy, you're always thinking.

0:13:56 > 0:13:59All you've done is swoon over him.

0:14:01 > 0:14:05- Mr Lacey! Mr Lacey! You can't go yet.- Why not?

0:14:05 > 0:14:10Because... Because you haven't seen Stewart play football.

0:14:10 > 0:14:13He's a genius. He could play for England one day.

0:14:13 > 0:14:16You mean there's some talent at St Hope's?

0:14:16 > 0:14:20Please don't go! I mean, for Stewart.

0:14:20 > 0:14:23Hello?! Clock's ticking, people!

0:14:23 > 0:14:27Come on, bruv, I was spotted playing footie at school.

0:14:27 > 0:14:28Excellent.

0:14:28 > 0:14:32I'll organise a football match right away.

0:14:32 > 0:14:34Stewart...some good news...

0:14:34 > 0:14:39You'll make Stewart look like an idiot in front of the whole school!

0:14:39 > 0:14:41I didn't mean to.

0:14:41 > 0:14:43Daisy said WHAT?!

0:15:25 > 0:15:26Does no-one respect me?

0:15:26 > 0:15:30I've searched the school. There's no secret storage!

0:15:30 > 0:15:33But the diamonds were coming here!

0:15:33 > 0:15:37She must have known about us and sent me here on a wild-goose chase.

0:15:37 > 0:15:42I lined the bus with a sub-particle rayon deflector for nothing?

0:15:42 > 0:15:46If anyone scanned us, it'd look just like a normal bus.

0:15:46 > 0:15:50My idiot brother will think this is just a stop on his campaign.

0:15:50 > 0:15:53He was going to leave cos he couldn't find HQ?

0:15:53 > 0:15:57So how do we not make it obvious we're on to him?

0:15:57 > 0:16:01Somehow Lacey knew the Queen's diamond was coming here.

0:16:01 > 0:16:05If he's clever enough to make this, maybe he tapped her phone.

0:16:05 > 0:16:08Sorry, but I need to help Stewart.

0:16:08 > 0:16:09Don't worry, I'm onto it.

0:16:09 > 0:16:13If Lacey sees how bad Stewart is, he'll be gone in no time.

0:16:13 > 0:16:16Just get a visual on Lacey.

0:16:18 > 0:16:20OK, I've hooked you to Buckingham Palace.

0:16:20 > 0:16:22Now to give Lacey something!

0:16:22 > 0:16:25At least the Bling Bin's full.

0:16:25 > 0:16:27Of sweet wrappers.

0:16:27 > 0:16:31Eugh! It says bling, not ming!

0:16:31 > 0:16:33I found some real diamonds.

0:16:33 > 0:16:37With these on the laser, it'll be even more powerful.

0:16:37 > 0:16:42- Powerful enough to... destroy a mansion?- No, not quite...

0:16:42 > 0:16:44Isn't that your brother's house?

0:16:44 > 0:16:48Yes, Nigel. If I hadn't rung that football scout when he was 12,

0:16:48 > 0:16:51he would've been nowhere.

0:16:51 > 0:16:55I get him to football on time, I make him look good on the videos.

0:16:55 > 0:16:59- He can't even sign his own NAME without me!- Never mind,

0:16:59 > 0:17:02soon we'll have the ultimate power.

0:17:02 > 0:17:07Yes, Nigel! Then the legend that I created, I'M going to destroy!

0:17:07 > 0:17:13Or...we could use the laser on something less...weird.

0:17:13 > 0:17:17We had a deal. You keep the diamonds, I choose what we zap.

0:17:17 > 0:17:23My genius paid for Ben's mansion. And he won't even let me live there.

0:17:24 > 0:17:26Hello? Hello?

0:17:26 > 0:17:28'It's the Queen here.

0:17:28 > 0:17:32'Could one put one through to Leonard Bicknall?'

0:17:32 > 0:17:36- Lickety-split.- Just putting you on hold, Your Majesty.

0:17:36 > 0:17:39Someone's listening all right!

0:17:43 > 0:17:49Oh, Ben, I was just thinking, if Stewart really is amazing

0:17:49 > 0:17:52maybe Nice'll do a feature on it.

0:17:52 > 0:17:55Me and you on the front cover, obviously.

0:17:57 > 0:18:00It can't be Lacey tapping the Queen.

0:18:00 > 0:18:05- 'He's here with Templeman.' - Ha! I knew it! He IS innocent.

0:18:05 > 0:18:09- Must be working with someone. - Ben's brother, Reginald?

0:18:09 > 0:18:13He's not tapping the phone from the bus. It would show.

0:18:13 > 0:18:19- Unless he's jammed the scanner too. - MI9 here, Your Majesty.

0:18:19 > 0:18:23- Sorry to keep you waiting. - 'Yes. Don't do it again.'

0:18:23 > 0:18:26'So how can I help you?'

0:18:26 > 0:18:31This secret facility, at St Hope's, where my diamond's being kept.

0:18:31 > 0:18:37- It IS safe?- Of course. It's in an old World War One bunker, Ma'am.

0:18:37 > 0:18:39'230 feet below the school.'

0:18:39 > 0:18:45'230 feet? That sounds marvellous. DO carry on!'

0:18:45 > 0:18:49- The diamond's under the school! Under the school!- Mr B...

0:18:49 > 0:18:53How do we break into a place 230 feet below ground?

0:19:00 > 0:19:02Kaboom!

0:19:04 > 0:19:06Rose, wait for Reginald here.

0:19:06 > 0:19:08Daisy, check out the campaign bus.

0:19:08 > 0:19:12What about Ben Lacey? Can you keep him busy?

0:19:12 > 0:19:17If he thinks Stewart can play. These shin pads have incapacitators

0:19:17 > 0:19:22and inside this whistle is a high-pitched sonic oscillator.

0:19:22 > 0:19:26Just high enough not to burst any eardrums.

0:19:26 > 0:19:28And put THAT behind the goal.

0:19:35 > 0:19:37There you are, boys. Shin pads...

0:19:39 > 0:19:41Play for England?!

0:19:41 > 0:19:44This'll be the most embarrassing day of my life!

0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Julian, you call.- Heads, please.

0:19:46 > 0:19:50- It's tails. Kick-off or ends, James?- Kick-off.

0:19:50 > 0:19:51All right.

0:19:51 > 0:19:53Julian?

0:19:53 > 0:19:55Here, present from Rose.

0:19:57 > 0:20:03- Ear plugs?- All the best players wear them for concentration.

0:20:08 > 0:20:12Yellow team to kick off. So, if everybody's ready...?

0:20:12 > 0:20:14Bicknall?! What ARE you...?

0:20:14 > 0:20:16My old Granddad refereed with it.

0:20:16 > 0:20:20- Might bring Stewart some luck. - Right.

0:20:22 > 0:20:25So, if everybody's ready?

0:20:25 > 0:20:26WHISTLE BLOWS

0:20:26 > 0:20:29HIGH-PITCHED SCREECH

0:20:29 > 0:20:31What you waiting for?

0:21:11 > 0:21:16Reginald's not here. But he's been tapping phones all right.

0:21:16 > 0:21:18And there's drawings of jewellery.

0:21:23 > 0:21:26Actually, might not be jewellery.

0:21:26 > 0:21:31Whatever Lacey and his brother have built, we have to keep them apart.

0:21:32 > 0:21:34- Huh! Too easy!

0:21:34 > 0:21:39- Please don't go!- Rose, Lacey's on the move. Do something, quick!

0:21:39 > 0:21:41Activating the shin pads.

0:21:41 > 0:21:43Not sure what they'll do...

0:21:45 > 0:21:49Aw, what...?! I can't move!

0:21:49 > 0:21:50Nice tackle.

0:21:52 > 0:21:53< Free kick!

0:21:53 > 0:21:55I warned you, Julian.

0:21:55 > 0:21:58Are they allowed to do that?

0:22:01 > 0:22:03I can't find Reginald.

0:22:03 > 0:22:05Either he's looking for HQ or...

0:22:12 > 0:22:16Mr B, there's a huge gap in the rock about 230 feet below us.

0:22:16 > 0:22:21- The secret MI9 facility.- And what must be the Koh-i-Noor diamond.

0:22:21 > 0:22:25We need to harness as much sunlight as possible.

0:22:25 > 0:22:28But I don't know if it's got enough power yet, Mr B.

0:22:48 > 0:22:49Laser primed.

0:22:54 > 0:22:57Stu's taking the free kick. He'll never score!

0:23:09 > 0:23:12I lined the ball with an ultra-magnetic mesh.

0:23:12 > 0:23:17- And the sports bag I put behind the goal?- A big electromagnet.

0:23:31 > 0:23:35Yes! YES! He did it! It's a goal! It's a goal!

0:23:42 > 0:23:44Wasn't it brilliant?!

0:23:47 > 0:23:50Forget the Big Bang. Try the Big Bling!

0:24:00 > 0:24:02Hey, you!

0:24:02 > 0:24:09- No-one points a big...laser thingy at my school!- Hm. Fair do's.

0:24:29 > 0:24:32Guess organic fruit does go off quicker.

0:24:39 > 0:24:42So how about a place on my youth training camp?

0:24:42 > 0:24:47- You're kidding?- Bend it like Beckham? They wanna curve it like Critchley.

0:24:50 > 0:24:53Youth training camp? For stealing diamonds?

0:24:53 > 0:24:56'Ere... Isn't that my brother?

0:24:57 > 0:25:00What's he doing with that big freaky zappy thingy?

0:25:00 > 0:25:03You really don't know, do you?

0:25:08 > 0:25:10Wait! You ARE Ben's brother?

0:25:10 > 0:25:12Reginald?

0:25:12 > 0:25:17The name's Mr B! B for bling, B for you better believe it, baby!

0:25:17 > 0:25:21OK. Issues. And these are about your brother?

0:25:21 > 0:25:24All my life I've lived in the shadow of Mr Perfect.

0:25:24 > 0:25:27He doesn't treat you THAT great.

0:25:27 > 0:25:29It's time the world met a new me,

0:25:29 > 0:25:34who'll soon have the power to blast everything Ben has into smithereens!

0:25:34 > 0:25:36And you'll get respect?

0:25:36 > 0:25:39- You get respect by being a nice person.- Hm...

0:25:39 > 0:25:44Kind of prefer the whole blasting-everything-he-owns thing.

0:25:44 > 0:25:48- Reggie, wait!- DON'T call me Reggie!

0:25:48 > 0:25:51You DO do everything for me.

0:25:51 > 0:25:54So come and live with me, at the mansion.

0:25:54 > 0:25:58- Really? You really want me there? - Yeah, I was gonna show you...

0:25:58 > 0:26:04Look, I've got you your own motor-home.

0:26:05 > 0:26:10You can live on the driveway. What d'you say, Reggie?

0:26:10 > 0:26:15- The name's MR B!- Rose, activate muscle incapacitators!

0:26:17 > 0:26:24What?! Woh! What's happening?!

0:26:26 > 0:26:29No! No! It's all your fault!

0:26:37 > 0:26:39Remember you have a haircut at four.

0:26:44 > 0:26:48Uh... YOU look like a boy who likes diamonds.

0:26:48 > 0:26:49Oogh!

0:26:49 > 0:26:54So Sling Your Bling was Reginald collecting diamonds for his laser?

0:26:54 > 0:26:58I feel sorry for Reggie. He just needed his brother.

0:26:58 > 0:27:01Ah, the wasted talents of the master criminal.

0:27:01 > 0:27:04And I guess that goes back to the Queen, huh?

0:27:04 > 0:27:09One wants one to sling one's bling?

0:27:09 > 0:27:12All RIGHT, she can have it back.

0:27:15 > 0:27:20SHE SOBS Yes, but I wanted to be a WAG!

0:27:20 > 0:27:25What, all the money, showbiz parties, fancy clothes?

0:27:25 > 0:27:28No, you're much better off here at St Hope's.

0:27:28 > 0:27:33No way. You gave your place on Ben Lacey's training camp to Blane?

0:27:33 > 0:27:38I don't even like football. And Blane deserves it way more.

0:27:38 > 0:27:44- Wow. I wish I had a best friend like you.- Yeah, me too.

0:27:45 > 0:27:48OK, I admit it, he is quite cool.

0:27:48 > 0:27:52If I did go, I wouldn't have time for chess club.

0:27:52 > 0:27:55In a geeky kind of way.