0:00:02 > 0:00:03Hiya! Welcome to my house.
0:00:03 > 0:00:05Well, one of my houses.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08And before you ask, no, we didn't win the lottery.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14Now, my mum and dad split up. I know, boo-hoo, poor me.
0:00:14 > 0:00:19So we - that's me and my sister - stay half here and half at Dad's.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21It's parent ping pong!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Here's the problem with two houses.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25I've left my toothbrush behind!
0:00:25 > 0:00:28That's the third one this month. They'll start breeding soon.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Right, where's my gym kit?
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Ha! Found it. Good.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Oh!
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Oh, no! That's very bad.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42They're not mine!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Rule number one of surviving your parents' split-up -
0:00:45 > 0:00:48never let Dad do the packing! Ugh!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21This is for my sister's birthday.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22How generous am I?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Considering the only thing she's ever given me was chicken pox.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Hm, speak of the devil.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Why does my hair smell like bacon?!
0:01:29 > 0:01:30I don't know. Is this a quiz?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Maybe these will joggle your memory...
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Nope, sorry. No joggling.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41Oh, no. You cooked bacon with my hair straighteners?!
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Put it this way.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44The grease gives your hair a lovely shine.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Ha-ha!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48You're quite funny - for a dead person!
0:01:48 > 0:01:52Don't do anything hasty. Or, even better, don't do anything at all!
0:01:52 > 0:01:56When you least expect it - I will be there.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Your worst nightmare!
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Did you ask Lauren what she wants for her birthday? Tights?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- She needs school tights? - Mum, that's cheating!- Why?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Cos you're going to have to buy it anyway.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20No-one wants things they need for their birthday.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Well, find out what she wants, but don't let on who's asking.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Mum's the word.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30Well, obviously not "Mum," that would be a bit of a giveaway.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35In fact, why don't we have a code, so we can talk in front of her.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Lauren can be "lampshade".
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I'll be "sailor", for Sharon.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43And for Millie, "munchkin".
0:02:43 > 0:02:48A code based on the first letters of our names.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50A two-year-old would guess that, Mum.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52It should be fine for Lauren.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56And "bath time" for birthday.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- And "parrot" for party? - No, that would be silly.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Go on, then! Go and ask!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Don't let on who's asking! Go on!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Mum wants to know what you want for your birthday.
0:03:12 > 0:03:18What about a diary to write about all your non-existent boyfriends?
0:03:18 > 0:03:23- What I really want? - Yep. My money is on eyelash perm.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- I want Mum and Dad back together. - Urgh!
0:03:27 > 0:03:28You're joking, right?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31No, I only joke about funny things - like your haircut.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33- It's not going to happen. - OK, clever clogs.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Why have neither one of them found anyone else yet, eh?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Because it was such a disaster they don't want to go there ever again?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42No! Because they still have feelings for each other.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Yeah - not good ones.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Don't you remember what it was like before?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Cos I do. Like this...
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Come on, clean the bathroom!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56What if I put my back out and walk round like a chimp?!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Well, that would make sense.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- You're already the furry one that clogs up the drain!- Oh, gross.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03That is so chimp-ist! And I am not...
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Oh, yeah, what is this?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07SHE SCREAMS
0:04:08 > 0:04:12But Lauren only remembers what she wants to remember.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Uh, sailor's just wondering
0:04:14 > 0:04:19if munchkin's found out what lampshade wants for bath time.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Yeah, and trust me, you don't want to know.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Can anyone else smell bacon?
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Dead sister walking.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34If I can get Mum and Dad back together - for your birthday -
0:04:34 > 0:04:37will that make it up to you?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- Yeah, OK! - And can that be my present?
0:04:40 > 0:04:41I thought you got me something.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I have, but it's really cool and I want it for me.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46I'm letting you live. Don't push it.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Oh, and be sure to remind your dad about bath time.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Mum, Dad's washing is not your problem any more.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- I'm sure Dad wouldn't forget something like that.- Hm...
0:04:57 > 0:05:02Forget? Me? Of course not! What do you take me for?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04I didn't forget. No...
0:05:04 > 0:05:07I'm taking her on a surprise outing. It's all planned.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Oh, really? Where to?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Well, I would tell you,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14but then I'd have to kill you cos it's top secret. Eyes only.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18What's going on over there? Sounds like you're under attack.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Yeah, I've bought a mega sound system off Dave the chippy.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25The subwoofer rocks - especially if you sit on it! Oh!
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Look out! Incoming!
0:05:27 > 0:05:29GUNFIRE
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Dad, you play far too many video games.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35And when you hear that from a 12-year-old, it's time to worry.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38What's that, love?
0:05:38 > 0:05:39He did forget!
0:05:39 > 0:05:43He'd better not forget mine, or I'll put a nettle in his bed.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47"Revenge. Getting your own back."
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Honestly, he loves us to bits, but he's so scatty.
0:05:52 > 0:05:57"Regress. To go back to childhood."
0:05:57 > 0:05:59My parents split up nearly a year ago.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Lauren was gutted, but I'm completely fine.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08"Repress. To bottle things up inside."
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I don't do that.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12The way I see it, I get two of everything.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Like - two rooms!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Two holidays!
0:06:19 > 0:06:20And...
0:06:20 > 0:06:22two birthdays!
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Well, that's if Dad remembers. And he'd better!
0:06:27 > 0:06:30I'd like to book a paintballing session for my daughter, please.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Yep, it's her 15th birthday. Oh!
0:06:33 > 0:06:37You've got special rates for 15-year-olds? Great!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40What? Special high rates? Aw, how much?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Eh, no, I'll call back later. Bye.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54MUSIC BLARES
0:06:54 > 0:06:55Lights!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58No, I need the money.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02MUSIC STOPS
0:07:02 > 0:07:04So, you're off to Cash Changers.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Mum! Millie's been at my make-up again!
0:07:07 > 0:07:10No, sorry. Ah, that was me!
0:07:10 > 0:07:12You? What do you need make-up for?
0:07:16 > 0:07:20That came out wrong. I mean, you're...
0:07:20 > 0:07:21You're...
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Hm?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Some help here?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- Mum, you're perfect as you are. - Yeah, that's it.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I see.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Well, I'm off to the gym to get the perfect body
0:07:34 > 0:07:36to go with my perfect face.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Failing that, a slightly smaller bum.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40BOTH: Oh, Mum!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Called Dad by the way - he did forget.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52What did I tell you? See? Typical!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- "Only ever thinks of himself." - Very true.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Who put these on the door?! I'm not a child!
0:07:58 > 0:08:03Ooh, making my cake. Thanks, Mum! Awesome! Can I decorate it?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Mum said I could. - You both can. But no licking.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Mum, can you iron this for me?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- Yes.- Now?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Give it here.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23BOTH: Mmm.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26You're not coming anywhere near my party in that dippy dress,
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- you know that? - Aw, no, it's OK. I want a power cut.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Does that have anything to do with what I just said?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Well, the last three times the fuse box blew, Mum was ironing, see?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- You really are a freak, you know that?- Thanks.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41No, seriously. Seek help.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43If the fuse box goes, I can call Dad round to fix it.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47In three...two...one...
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Oh.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- We could turn some other things on? - Don't be ridiculo...
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Actually, that's quite a good idea.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Go, go, go!
0:08:57 > 0:08:58- Radio.- Check.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- Juicer.- Check.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01- Toaster.- Check.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Oh!
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Why can't I ever do any ironing without the house exploding?!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Stage one complete. Now for stage two.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20PHONE RINGS
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- Hello. - Hi, Dad. How's the mega stereo?
0:09:25 > 0:09:26I sold it.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29The surround sound was making me a feel a bit...
0:09:29 > 0:09:32surrounded. How's the birthday?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Oh, fine. I mean, I'm sure Mum will muddle by somehow.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37- Why, what's wrong? - She made me swear not to tell you.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- OK, well, we'll respect that decision...- But if you insist.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44We're in the dark eating cold baked beans and shivering.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46The fuse box blew.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Ah! Ha-ha. My old enemy.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Well, there's a knack to it, love.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- What you've got to do is... - Can you come round and fix it?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Please? For Lauren?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56I don't want to step on your mum's toes.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Oh, she won't mind. She has toes of steel.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Well, OK, then.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03- Great! See you.- Bye.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Sorted. I really am that good.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- Ah! Who's that?- It's me! Don't panic. I'm fixing the fuse.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- You? No, no! You can't do that. - Why can't I?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I mean, are you sure you know what you're doing?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- Maybe we should wait. - For what? The cavalry?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Superman? Your dad?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Ah! Who's that?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- Me! Who else? I need to wash my hair. - In the dark?- Excuse me.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Teenagers. They're obsessive about hair washing.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39No, we're obsessive about not smelling like a fry-up.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40- Ow!- No time.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43We have to stop Mum - she's going to mend the fuse!
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Mum, wait. What if the house floods?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49I can't believe you two, you're so spineless.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- Are you women or sea-sponges? - Mum, we're girls.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55So? Can't you handle your problems the intelligent way?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- Yeah! Get someone else to do it. - Rubbish!
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Leave it to me, jelly babies.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Thank you!
0:11:17 > 0:11:22Icing thieves, consider yourselves busted.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24See? We can get by without your dad!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26DOORBELL RINGS
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Hello, love. You're looking well.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Hi. Tony.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Thought you had power trouble?
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- Oh, we did, but I sorted it.- Hm.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- Dad!- Dad!- Dad!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Hi, lovelies! Happy birthday, Laurs!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Thank you.- Looking good!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Dark? Shivering? Baked beans?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51It was horrible!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53OK, well, I'd better give the old fuse box
0:11:53 > 0:11:55the once-over as I'm here.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58I've done it. Thank you. I've sorted it.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Yeah, can't be too careful though, not on Laur's birthday.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04OK. Let's go see what your mum's done wrong.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Breathe, Mum. In and out.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Having a good birthday, love? - I am now.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15And I know you were probably sitting at home feeling sad
0:12:15 > 0:12:17and tragically alone, so it's all good.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Well, I'm taking you out for your birthday.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24Huh? I had a great idea - what about paintballing?
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- You're funny.- What? I mean it.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Dad! Seriously? Paintballing?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Rolling round in the mud trying to shoot people with paint?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Not people - your friends!
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Oh, wait. You didn't book it, did you?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40No! No, no, no. No, just an idea.
0:12:40 > 0:12:46I've got plenty of other ideas. Oh, cat makeovers. Ah, soap carving.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Fruit snooker.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Dad, I think it's fine now.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54your mum's been at it. It'll probably go again.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58This fuse box and I have got a long history, love.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01There's a knack to it. Watch and learn.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Once on the side, twice underneath before it notices. Done!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Tony!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Good news! You're getting a new fuse box.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15You should've changed it after the cooker died
0:13:15 > 0:13:17right in the middle of Christmas lunch!
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Now that was an unforgettable Christmas...
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Can't you hurry up? The turkey's totally dried up.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- You know what it looks like? - Your mum's face?- Tony!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33"Our Colin would never expose his family to electricals."
0:13:33 > 0:13:34She got a shock off the loo seat.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Yeah, that was the static from her fluffy slippers.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39They could power a small town.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40I'm starving. Is lunch ready yet?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- BOTH:- No!- Fine!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47We wound up eating turkey burgers from the petrol station.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49They were lush.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Aw. It's so great that you guys can come together
0:13:52 > 0:13:56and celebrate the fact that 15 years ago you both had an awesome daughter.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Come on!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Hey! Round 98 to me.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- See! Dad fixed it.- Hooray!
0:14:03 > 0:14:06And, Dad, you'll never guess what? Mum made your favourite cake.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Yeah, Lauren asked for it.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Not chocapocalypse.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14No-one makes that like your mum. Hm?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Smells like...
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Like bacon?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Have you changed the recipe?
0:14:25 > 0:14:27And work? Work is good?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Yes, good, it's fine, at least I've got some.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Weirdly, they're not killing each other, which is good.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37But Lauren's up to something, which isn't.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Here. I wrapped it for you.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I thought I was supposed to give you presents on your birthday?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- This is from you. - Why would I give myself a present?
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- Oh, no! It's from you to me. - Why, what is it?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- You don't need to know. - Well, it's my present!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Just come in a sec and give it to me, OK?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Aw, look at her.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- Our wee girl - a teenager. - I know, isn't she grown-up?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Who would have thought she'd turn out like that?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- Remember when she was born? - She looked like a little alien.- Mum!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Gorgeous now, of course. As is this cake.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- Oh, Millie, you shouldn't have. - I didn't. Ow!
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Oh! A digital photo frame! Filled with pictures of our family.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Selected completely at random.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Oh! Oh, look... There's you two on the beach.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- Aw. Look at Millie's little bot-bot. - Mum!
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Oh, and our camping trip?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Oh, I'd forgotten that. We had a laugh, didn't we?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Yeah, like when you left Mum's wellies outside the tent
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- and a cow did an enormous... - Come on, Millie.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35We'll be back in a minute. Have a good look.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Hm.- Where are we going?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39SOFT MUSIC PLAYS
0:15:42 > 0:15:46I get it now. Photos of all the best bits. Very cunning.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49All they need is a nudge in the right direction. My nudge.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52But it's going to end in tears. Your tears.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56Oh, Millie, Millie. Isn't it time that you stopped kidding yourself?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Me? Kidding myself?- Look.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Them splitting up was a mistake, and deep down you know it.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06No. It had to happen. Either that or call in the UN.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08They were always fighting...
0:16:08 > 0:16:09LAUGHTER
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Maybe that could just be how you remember it.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16To help ease the pain?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18No, that's what you do!
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Oh, I'm so confused.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22It's OK. I'll take it from here.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Aw, Lauren at the roller disco.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31I didn't know she could do the splits.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Neither did she.- Ow!
0:16:34 > 0:16:36That's up in the Highlands, isn't it?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Oh, yeah, I can almost smell pine trees.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Am I really the one who's kidding myself?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46What about their last anniversary?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Aren't you forgetting something?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Oh, no!
0:16:55 > 0:16:57I'm sorry, love.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Boots off in the hall, isn't it?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I remember that all right.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Oh, we can show the wedding highlights next.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Oh, don't show the bit where Dad says, "I do,"
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- and Granny starts weeping. - Oh, yeah, tears of joy?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Not exactly.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- Are they snogging yet?- No.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24My tummy's going bananas.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Relax. That's called "hope".
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Lauren, what are you doing?
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Didn't do too badly, did we?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- Wait!- No, we didn't.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36They're great girls. They never put a foot wrong.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38And they're best pals as well.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- It's all down to you, you know. - Rubbish. They love their dad.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45They're always on about you. How much fun you are.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- Bet that's annoying. - Too right. Drives me mad.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Shaz, can I ask you something?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Promise me you'll think about it before you answer.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Yeah, all right then. What?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Will you take the girls Thursday? My five-a-side night's changed.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Oh, no way, Jose. We had a deal.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08I can't let 'em down. It'd be four-a-side.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09But my book group's on a Thursday.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13- Oh, that bunch of nosey old gossips. Just cancel.- You cancel.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15You shouldn't be wearing shorts at your age anyway.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- What do you mean, my age? - Who's for tea?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20What on earth are you two doing back there?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22You scared me something silly!
0:18:22 > 0:18:23Cheers for the cake. Best be off.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26No, no wait! I've not opened Mum's present yet.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27Oh. OK, then.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Oh, Mum! A sound system! Wicked!
0:18:36 > 0:18:40It was an absolute bargain. Yeah, I found it at Cash Changers.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Ah, that's funny, I took one of those in there...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45That's my sound system!
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Right, that's my present to you!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48No, it's not. You sold it.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Yes, so I could pay for her to go paintballing.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- Lauren wants to go paintballing? - No, I don't.- See? She doesn't...
0:18:53 > 0:18:54DOORBELL RINGS
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- Yeah, well, I know that now. - OK. Can everyone just relax.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58I'll go and make tea, shall I?
0:19:02 > 0:19:07I had a wobble for a minute there and forgot I'm always right.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10It doesn't take long for Mum and Dad to go off on one though.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Good parents. Bad together.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Hiya. Hiya!
0:19:19 > 0:19:21You must be Millie.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23That's right. And you are?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Mike.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Mike.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28Mike?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30You don't sound too sure.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- I'm your mum's trainer. She must've mentioned me?- No...
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Right, um, well, is she in?
0:19:40 > 0:19:43It was my favourite jacket, and you chucked it out!
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Because it smelled of cheese!
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Hello!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49This is Mike, he thinks.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- Hiya! - Mike, what are you doing here?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55I was just passing. Ooh! Candles - nice.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58We had loads of them at my nan's funeral. It really made it.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Tony, this is Mike. My trainer from the gym...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07The gym that I go to.
0:20:07 > 0:20:13This is, uh, Tony, my old husband. I don't mean old. I mean, my ex.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Great game, huh?
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Don't say anything, I'm...
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- You must be gutted! - I'm recording it.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Uh, Tony was just heading off.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26What's that?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- This?- Yeah, that.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Just a little something for the birthday girl.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31Uh-huh. And those?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33These? These are flowers.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- Who for?- Um...
0:20:42 > 0:20:44"Just passing by," eh?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Oh, no. Where's Lauren?
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Hey. Look, I think we can still turn this thing around.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55No, we really can't. Lauren, listen to me.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56You have to walk away now.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Don't be silly. Move it.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01OK. I tried...
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Who's he?
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- Maybe it'd be best if you go. - Yeah, great. Good idea.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Hang on, this is my house and I'll say when you leave.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15That's OK. I'll show myself out.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Next time, you can get Mr Muscles to mend your fuse box!
0:21:18 > 0:21:21You didn't fix it, you broke it!
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- You do know she dyes her hair. - Tony!
0:21:30 > 0:21:31I dyed my hair once.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Well, my mates did when I was asleep.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Oh, wait, I get it.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Sorry about that.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Dad must've just thought the two of you were...
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I mean, he's got totally the wrong idea.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49It's just that you know Mum from the gym - it's not like you're together.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52No?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Well, how come he came to our house, knew our names,
0:21:55 > 0:21:57and even brought you a present?
0:21:58 > 0:22:03OK. This isn't how I wanted you two to find out,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05but...
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Mike and I have been...
0:22:07 > 0:22:10going out.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15And I know you can accept that like the big, grown-up girls you are.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17NO!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21She'll be fine.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Maybe showing up like that wasn't such a good idea.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25No, you think?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Sorry if I spoiled the party.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30It's OK, but it's not me who you should be saying sorry to.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I reckon this is one bath time lampshade won't forget in a hurry.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44What are you doing?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Practising my teenage death stare.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Go on, then. Let me see.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Oooh! Mind you don't burn holes in your duvet.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Well, that's what you might call a surprise party.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58How could she? Poor old Dad.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02- It's not his fault he's so useless. - No, he's not. He'll be OK.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Suppose you want me to say that you were right.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09So were you. About me. I was kidding myself.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12The first ray of hope and I was like a giraffe on ice.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Yeah.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16The two most tragic words in the English language.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17"Parents and dancing."
0:23:17 > 0:23:19No - "what if?"
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Here. Happy birthday.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Thanks. It's actually well cool.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Don't get all soppy and hug me now.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37I wasn't going to.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40So, can I, um... Can I borrow it sometime?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43It's too big for you. And no.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Amazing. I can still smell the bacon.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01PHONE RINGS
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Hi.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07Hi, Dad. How are you?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Never better. You?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12I don't know. I just feel kind of weird.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Yeah, well, me too.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- Sorry if I was a bit shirty. - That's OK. It wasn't your fault.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Hey, how do you like your new sound system?
0:24:21 > 0:24:23It's got disco lights, you know.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- Dad, I want you to have it. - No, love! It's yours.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28OK. But I want to keep it at your flat, then.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Well, if you're sure...
0:24:31 > 0:24:33And can we still go paintballing?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Sure, you bet. What made you change your mind?
0:24:36 > 0:24:37For some reason,
0:24:37 > 0:24:41the idea of blasting people with paint seems strangely appealing.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49I'm sorry about how you found out about Mike. He's sorry too.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51So he said.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55I wanted to break it to you gently. On your own.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57When I was sure.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Pretty much epic fail on all counts.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06- You do like him though, don't you? - Yeah. I do.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I wondered why you were off to the gym so much,
0:25:08 > 0:25:10and in Lauren's make-up!
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I can't fool you for long, can I, Millie?
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Still, I do feel really bad.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19If there's any way I can make it up to you...
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Well, we haven't had Hawaiian pizzas in a while.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- Good idea. Let's have them tomorrow. - With shakes?- With shakes.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26- And choccy sprinkles?- OK.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29And there's this leopard-skin onesie I've had my eye on...
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Yeah, don't push it.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Right, I'm off to have a wee chat with Lauren.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- Wish me luck.- Good luck.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40You're going to need it.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43So - bombshell! Mum has a secret boyfriend! Who knew?
0:25:43 > 0:25:47But I wouldn't like to be in Mike's trainers next time Lauren sees him -
0:25:47 > 0:25:49not with her teenage death stare...
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Heya! Hiya! Remember me?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02It's a good thing teenagers can't really do that.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06So, that's my family.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10And I know what you're thinking - "How did I wind up with them?"
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Just lucky, I guess!