0:00:02 > 0:00:03PHONE RINGS
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,
0:00:08 > 0:00:12we seek to answer any question you may ask.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14No question is too ridiculous.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17On call are our highly curious researchers -
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Lovett, Wannamaker,
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Frazernagle, Teaparty and, of course,
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Captain Length-Width.
0:00:24 > 0:00:30- The ministry is a thinking facility that helps US to find YOU an answer. - PHONE RINGS
0:00:30 > 0:00:34- ANNOUNCER:- 'The working day will commence in ten seconds.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38'Don't be late.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49'Attention! Mr Reeves is entering the building.'
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Welcome to the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Morning, everybody!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59ALL: Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Good morning, good morning, what a lovely day, my bunch of beauties.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- Morning, Mr Reeves.- Ah, Length-Width.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- Come here, I've got something I'd like to show you.- Really?- Yeah.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I'd like to see it, what is it?
0:01:12 > 0:01:15I think this might go down quite well on Britain's Got Talent.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Right, well, fire away, let's see.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21- Are you ready?- I'm ready.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24HE IMITATES OWL
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- That's extraordinary.- It is extraordinary.- Let me try.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Go on, you have a go.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31HE EXHALES NOISILY
0:01:31 > 0:01:35- That's rubbish.- I can't do it. Show me again, I'm a first-timer.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38IMITATES OWL
0:01:38 > 0:01:42It's good, isn't it? You could be out in the forest.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- EXHALES NOISILY - Terrible. Rubbish.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Are you doing it on your own? - Of course I do.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- Show me again!- I do it with my hand. - Show me again.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52IMITATES OWL
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Really.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Wait a minute.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- What's this? - What are you doing?- What's this?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- What? I can't see anything. - What is it?- What?- That.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04- I don't know what you're looking at. - There.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- Right there in front of me. - It's an owl.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09BLAST OFF SOUND EFFECT
0:02:09 > 0:02:12AMERICAN ACCENT: Take care up there, you're a brave guy.
0:02:12 > 0:02:17- MAN:- To infinity, and a little bit further than that.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21- Good luck on that mission. - Conquistadors of space.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24But you, you are a fraud.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28You're an owl-hooting, to-wit-to-woo fake
0:02:28 > 0:02:33and I hold you entirely responsible for my downfall.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37- That's a bit harsh, isn't it? - Yes, I suppose it was.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38- Back to work.- Right.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Any questions, please, Mr Frazernagle?
0:02:43 > 0:02:47Yes, of course. Someone on line four, I'll put you straight through.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50PHONE RINGS
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55How may I be of INSISTENCE?
0:02:55 > 0:03:01Hello, my name's Apollo and my question is, can animals have jobs?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Very good question. Cheers, bonny lass. Ta-ta, like.
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Can animals have jobs?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Well, here's a curious fact, Mr Reeves.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Cats used to work in the Post Office.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Cats! Working in the Post Office? That's ridiculous.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- I've never heard any more ludicrous in my life!- It's true.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- It's not true. It's absolute codswallop.- Post for you, Mr Reeves.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- COCKNEY ACCENT:- Cheers, Roy, See ya.
0:03:32 > 0:03:38- See ya, mate.- All right. Absolute crazy madness.- I get it!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41It says here that cats were appointed by the Post Office
0:03:41 > 0:03:43to catch mice in 1868
0:03:43 > 0:03:45and were paid a food allowance of one shilling a week.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49One shilling. Curiously, that's how much I pay Captain Length-Width
0:03:49 > 0:03:51for catching mice for me.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- Shush.- What? - They can smell your fear.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- Is it obvious?- It is this morning, it's a little warm in here.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Right. Come on, what have we got? Animals with jobs.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08There is the story of the turnspit dog.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09- Turn what?- Spit.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11HE SPITS
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- CLANG! - The turnspit dog?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- The turnspit dog.- Tell me more, tell me more.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Like, does he have a car?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Uh-huh, uh-huh.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- NARRATOR:- Back in the 18th and 19th century,
0:04:23 > 0:04:26turnspit dogs, also known as kitchen dogs,
0:04:26 > 0:04:30were made to run in a big-wheel contraption to turn cooking meat.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32DOG: I hate this job!
0:04:33 > 0:04:38Turnspits were a breed of dog with short, little legs and long bodies.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Unfortunately, as technology improved,
0:04:40 > 0:04:43the dogs were replaced with machines
0:04:43 > 0:04:46and the turnspit breed became extinct.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48DOG HOWLS
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- HE SOBS - Poor little dog.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Come on, what more intriguing info have we got
0:04:57 > 0:04:59on animals with jobs?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Mr Reeves, here's a curious fact.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Victorians who couldn't afford chimney sweeps
0:05:05 > 0:05:09would drop a goose down the chimney to clean it with its wings.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- Get outta here!- Well, fine,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14I was the only doing my job. Some people.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15No, no, no.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18No, stay where you are, it's just a turn of phrase.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22There's something really feathery in Y15, Mr Reeves.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25'Something feathery loading in Y15.'
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Well, cor blimey, guv'nor, as I live and breathe,
0:05:29 > 0:05:32if it ain't Mary Poppins from Old London Town.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36It ain't Mary Poppins from Old London Town, it's Vic Reeves
0:05:36 > 0:05:38from the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Oh, sorry guv'nor,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I've only gone and got the wrong bloomin' chimney!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45You couldn't give me a shove back up, could ya?
0:05:45 > 0:05:51Course I could. 'Ere, get up there, you cheeky goosey gander.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55With that information, we can conclude that animals
0:05:55 > 0:05:57have had plenty of jobs throughout history,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00from the postal-working cat to the chimney-sweeping goose.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04But never, never, never
0:06:04 > 0:06:07employ a horse to do your accounts.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10AMERICAN ACCENT: Why is that? Is it cos they ain't got the calculators?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Ooh, they got the calculators.- Can they do the maths?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- They can do the math. - Then what the problem?
0:06:16 > 0:06:20They don't got fingers 'pon their hooves.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- NORMAL VOICE:- Sean, with regret, you're fired.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27SEAN NEIGHS
0:06:27 > 0:06:32Miss Teaparty, get that information off with gusto. Thank you.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Right away, Mr Reeves.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- BING BONG - 'Attention. Attention.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39'Flying Postal Services entering the Ministry.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43'Please have your post prepared for the postal personnel
0:06:43 > 0:06:45'upon arrival.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52'Postal person descending. Postal person descending.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53'Please stand back.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58'Postal service reaching its destination in three, two, one.'
0:07:00 > 0:07:04MUSIC: "Rule Britannia"
0:07:05 > 0:07:08'Postal Services departing. Stand clear.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11'Post will be delivered
0:07:11 > 0:07:15'in approximately 2 minutes and 32 seconds.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services.'
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Farewell, Postie, farewell.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Right, that's that done.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Mr Frazernagle, who else have we got on the lines?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Putting you through, Mr Reeves.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38PHONE RINGS
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Hello. This is Vic Reeves at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44How may I help you?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Hello, my name is Mila.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I was wondering, are twins magic?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Thank you, Mila, for a very good question.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Thank you, goodbye, goodbye.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Well, Mila wants to know - are twins magic?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Well, what we need is a pair of twins. Oh!
0:08:07 > 0:08:10- It's the Von Twinkle twins! - BOTH: Hello, Mr Reeves.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Hello.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15The amazing, magical Von Twinkle twins are going to show us
0:08:15 > 0:08:17an incredible magic trick. Is that right?
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- Can we have a volunteer? - Hello!
0:08:20 > 0:08:25- Hello!- Hello, sir, what's your name and where are you from?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29My name is Vic Reeves and I'm from the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Have you got a pocket watch we can borrow for a trick?
0:08:31 > 0:08:35- I have. Look at that. - Thank you very much.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Now, we will place the watch in the hanky.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47We will then destroy the pocket watch with these two hammers.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52TINKLING
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Let us see.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Ooh!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09BOTH: Ta-da!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Thank you very much. - APPLAUSE
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Aren't you going to magic it back together again?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Why should we do that?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Because that's how the trick ends.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- HE SOBS - My beautiful pocket watch!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30It was an heirloom. Who showed you this trick?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- BOTH:- Him! - Well done, girls.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Captain Length-Width! I might have guessed.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38I might have guessed. You messed that up.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40They're supposed to put it back together at the end.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44That's what you'd expect, but this is magic,
0:09:44 > 0:09:46you must expect the unexpected.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47- Woo-hoo.- Oh, yeah!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Like that trick you did on me when you tied my legs in knots.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- I couldn't walk for a year.- That wasn't magic, was it?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54It was yoga.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Whatever you call it, I couldn't do the marathon.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02- I was the laughing stock.- There is no pleasing you.- No, there isn't.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05BOTH BLOW RASPBERRIES
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Well, up to now, it seems twins aren't magic.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13But where have they gone? What have you done with them?
0:10:13 > 0:10:18- Mr Reeves, have you heard about the balloon buddies?- No, I haven't.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Ah, well, in 2001, Laura Buxton released a helium balloon
0:10:23 > 0:10:27with her name and address attached, asking someone to write back.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- Ooh.- Something like this.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Mon Dieu, la ballon rouge!
0:10:34 > 0:10:41Ten days later, she got a reply from another Laura Buxton 140 miles away.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Both Lauras were aged ten and had the same colour hair.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51And both had a three-year-old black Labrador, a guinea pig,
0:10:51 > 0:10:54and a rabbit. How sweet(!)
0:10:54 > 0:10:57BALLOON POPS
0:10:57 > 0:11:02Very spooky and a little bit magical, but they're not twins.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05We need to answer Mila's question - are twins magic?
0:11:05 > 0:11:10Ah, Mr Reeves, here's the curious story of the identical twins,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13separated at birth, who led next-to identical lives.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Now, I'm interested.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20NARRATOR: 'Two twin boys were separated at birth.'
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Do you mind, we were having a private conversation?
0:11:22 > 0:11:27'They didn't meet up again until there were 39 years old.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31'When they did, they discovered they'd lived nearly identical lives.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33'Unknown to each other,
0:11:33 > 0:11:37'both their adopted families had named the boys Jim.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41'Both had law-enforcement training,
0:11:41 > 0:11:45'and each married a woman named Linda.'
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Do you, Jim, take Linda to be your lawful wedded wife?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51BOTH: I do.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55'They both had sons and named them James Alan.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57'The twin brothers also divorced their Lindas
0:11:57 > 0:12:02'and married other women, both named Betty.'
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- I think this is your one. - 'And that's not all.'
0:12:05 > 0:12:07'They both owned dogs named Toy
0:12:07 > 0:12:09'and they both had the strange habit
0:12:09 > 0:12:12'of flushing the toilet before they used it.'
0:12:16 > 0:12:18How is that possible?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- I don't know.- Maybe it's magic.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Possibly.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28Mr Reeves, the oldest identical twins ever are Gin, who reach 108,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30and Kin, who reached 107.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Mind your back, Mr Reeves,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35there's a strong smell of biscuits coming through E11.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39'Oldest twins loading in E11.'
0:12:39 > 0:12:42You must be Gin and Kin, the oldest twins ever.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44What's it like being the oldest twins ever?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- BOTH: What?- I said, what's it's like being the oldest twins ever?
0:12:48 > 0:12:50BOTH: What?
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- HE SHOUTS:- What's it like being the oldest twins ever?
0:12:54 > 0:12:55What did he say?
0:12:58 > 0:13:03What's it like being the oldest twins ever?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06He said you've got the mouldiest bins, Trevor.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- Who's clever?- What?
0:13:09 > 0:13:15Goodbye, Gin and Kin, the oldest twins ever. Clear off.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Who was that?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- I tell you what, son, they're hard work.- It is hard work, innit, babes?
0:13:20 > 0:13:25- Right hard work. Cor!- Come on, give us some more magic-twin facts.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Have you heard the fact about mirror twins, Mr Reeves?
0:13:28 > 0:13:33- Maybe. Depends who's asking. - Well, I am.- Well, no, then.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34Right.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37About a quarter of identical twins are mirror twins.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40So one might be right-handed and the other left.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42In theory, if they faced each other,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45they would look like exact reflections of themselves.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- Mr Lovett, if you please. - Yes, she's right.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Some even mirror each other on the inside,
0:13:51 > 0:13:54if you'd care to take a look.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Sounds 'orrible.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Now, in this case, we can see the heart,
0:14:00 > 0:14:05liver and all internal organs are all mirror images of each other.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09That's nothing special. The Von Twinkle twins have mirror organs.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:19 > 0:14:24So we've compiled all the information, what are the results?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Are twins magic?
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Well, Mr Reeves, although twins are certainly fascinating,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32they're not magical, unless they're magicians.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Yes, which these two most certainly are not.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39That reminds me, I need to find a watch-repair shop.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41BOTH BLOW RASPBERRIES
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Can you get the information off to Mila as quickly as possible?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Consider it done, Mr Reeves.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Thank you.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51THEY BLOW RASPBERRIES
0:14:51 > 0:14:56'Flying Postal Services has arrived.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58'Post prepared for postal personnel.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services,
0:15:03 > 0:15:07'your number one aerial courier.'
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Zoom on, zoom on.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Bull's-eye! Wake up.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21What a beautiful tasty morsel.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Right, I'm off to the canteen. Anybody want anything?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Teaparty? No? Want anything, Length-Width?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Yes, um...
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Er...
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- Nothing.- Right, OK.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Hello, Mr Reeves.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41- Hello, Mrs Dollop.- It's Mrs Doll-OPE.- Yes. Well.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43What's delicious grub have you got?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I've got a lovely egg for you.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47It's a century egg from China.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Go on, darling, try it.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- You try it.- No, try it!- Mm-hm.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56It looks so weird and stinks so bad because it's been left in clay
0:15:56 > 0:15:58and ash for months and months and months.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02The yolk turns green
0:16:02 > 0:16:04and the white turns black. Delish!
0:16:04 > 0:16:06SHE CACKLES
0:16:06 > 0:16:08No! It's horrible.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10It's horrible!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13It's beautiful! Don't diss it.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Do you know what can do, cos you're starting to smell,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20get out of my canteen!
0:16:20 > 0:16:23I think I'll leave it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Ah, lovely. Hm.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28HE GROANS
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Frazernagle, have we got anyone else on the line
0:16:30 > 0:16:32for a final question?
0:16:32 > 0:16:36We certainly do, Mr Reeves. Putting you through to Ella
0:16:36 > 0:16:38on line two.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43- PHONE RINGS - Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45How can I, ah-ha, er, help you?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Hello, my name is Ella I ask you a question, please?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Can you marry a house?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Thank you very much, very good question.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Goodbye and good luck.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Very good question. Can you marry a house?
0:17:02 > 0:17:07- Can you marry a house? Can you marry a car?- A-hooch a-hatch a-hoocha.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09And a high cha-cha.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- Good. Can you marry a house? - This is very curious, Mr Reeves.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17It says here that, in 2007, a Chinese man married himself.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- Married himself?! - He also wore a suit
0:17:20 > 0:17:23and brought along a cardboard cut-out of himself
0:17:23 > 0:17:25wearing a wedding dress.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26A wedding dress?!
0:17:26 > 0:17:29How intriguing. And curious.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Brace yourself!
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Stations, everyone!
0:17:48 > 0:17:49MUSIC: "Bridal Chorus"
0:17:49 > 0:17:54- HE LAUGHS - What's it like being married to a cardboard cut-out of yourself?
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Oh, it's bliss.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58It's absolute bliss.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00We never argue, we never fight
0:18:00 > 0:18:02and, er, I'm a very good listener.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Are you? - Sorry, what?- Never mind.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Where have you been all my life? Hello, beautiful.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Oh, the silent type. Come on, it's only Captain Length-Width.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Length-Width, leave the cardboard cut-out alone.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19You be quiet. You're just jealous because I get all the girls.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- (Call me.)- Sorry about this.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Don't worry about it. It's fine.
0:18:24 > 0:18:29It's not like I'm going to run off with another man, is it?
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Oh, I don't believe it. I've left myself.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Oh. Oh, that's awful.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42HE SOBS
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- So you called me. You did the right thing.- Oi! Oi, oi, oi!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- Oi, oi, oi, oi! - What?
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- What?! - What do you think you're playing at?
0:18:57 > 0:19:02I am trying very hard, if you don't mind, to go out with that person.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07That poor man back there is absolutely beside himself.
0:19:07 > 0:19:12And now you, YOU, are beside himself there.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- It's very confusing. - I know it's confusing!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- Let me just work.- It's all confusing.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22So how about you and I go and see Matt Cardle?
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Just... Just say something! Just give me a sign.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Ooh! Well, that's marrying yourself,
0:19:31 > 0:19:33but what we want to know is, can you marry a house?
0:19:33 > 0:19:38We haven't quite found a house, Mr Reeves, but listen to this.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Andy Park is a man who's been celebrating Christmas every day
0:19:42 > 0:19:44since 1993.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48In 2010, he revealed he is planning to marry his Christmas tree.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Christmas tree! Don't get any ideas, Length-Width.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Here comes something Chrismassy.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57'Andy Park loading in G1.'
0:19:57 > 0:20:00# Last Christmas I gave you my heart... #
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Well, you look like a couple who are really in love.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05How did you get together?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Actually, Vic, what happened were...
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Oh, do want me to tell it, or do you? OK, I will.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12All right. I will. What happened were,
0:20:12 > 0:20:15we were walking in a forest
0:20:15 > 0:20:18and our eyes met across a crowded glade.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Across a crowded glade! - And that were it.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23We were in love. That were it.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- Marvellous.- What?
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Stop it, you!
0:20:28 > 0:20:32The relationship is really going well.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Actually, if you don't mind,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- I'd like to take this opportunity...- No! You're not?!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39I am.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Christmas tree, would you do me the honour?
0:20:45 > 0:20:46HE SOBS
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- Ah!- Lovely.- Nice.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Aww!
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Do you know, I think those crazy kids might just make it.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Bonkers. Absolute madness.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Mad.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07(Has she got a sister?)
0:21:07 > 0:21:09It's a tree.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Er, I know.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- It's a tree.- Is it?- Yeah.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Andy Park and his tree fiancee.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21So we've had a man who's married himself,
0:21:21 > 0:21:23a man who's married a tree,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25but the question is,
0:21:25 > 0:21:28can you marry a house?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Well, nothing about houses as yet, Mr Reeves,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33but have you heard about dog weddings?
0:21:35 > 0:21:38'Are your dogs in love?
0:21:38 > 0:21:41'Then surely a dog wedding is the only logical step.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45'They'll be dressed in designer bride-and-groom outfits.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47'They'll enjoy exchanging collars.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49'A dog friendly wedding cake.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53'And a delightful marriage certificate.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57'Dog weddings - they won't have a clue what's going on.'
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Well, that was very informative.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06Mr Reeves, did you know that a woman married the Berlin Wall?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08The Berlin Wall? That huge wall, 87 miles long,
0:22:08 > 0:22:12that separated East and West Germany until 1989?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- So you've heard of it, then? - No, just a wild guess!
0:22:15 > 0:22:17HE LAUGHS
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Yes, that was the Berlin Wall.
0:22:22 > 0:22:27Mrs Berlin Wall was married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years,
0:22:27 > 0:22:29but, sadly, they split up.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33- Oh, no. Why?- She fell in love with a garden fence.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Oh, no, that poor, poor concrete partition,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40losing the love of his life over a fence.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42I'd like to speak to that cold-hearted woman.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Here she comes, Mr Reeves!
0:22:44 > 0:22:48'Mrs Berlin Wall loading in X1.'
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Ah, Mrs Berlin Wall.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56Ooh, you... So what's this fence got that the Berlin Wall hasn't?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Well, he's strong and reliable.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01He has a firm partition and smooth finish.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05And look at the paint job, it's water resistant.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- What's not to love?- It looks like a bit of old fence to me.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- That's offensive.- No!
0:23:10 > 0:23:11That's a fence...
0:23:11 > 0:23:13..ive. Ha!
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Come along, Fence, we don't have to listen to this, let's go.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I couldn't marry a wall, nor could I marry a fence,
0:23:24 > 0:23:26but I'm very partial to my front door.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28In fact, we get on like a house on fire,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31and I'm thinking of popping the question.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35- Really?- Everybody, I'm going to get married to me front door!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37No!
0:23:37 > 0:23:41- APPLAUSE - Congratulations, sir.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:49 > 0:23:52# You're the one that I adore
0:23:52 > 0:23:56# Even though you are a door
0:23:56 > 0:23:58# I love you from afar
0:24:01 > 0:24:03# Even when you are ajar
0:24:03 > 0:24:06# Want to make you mine
0:24:06 > 0:24:09# Your hinges are divine
0:24:10 > 0:24:13# I have your key
0:24:15 > 0:24:17# Please marry me
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# I love your panelling
0:24:21 > 0:24:24# I love your cat flap
0:24:25 > 0:24:29# I love your keyhole
0:24:29 > 0:24:32# I love your door knob
0:24:33 > 0:24:36# If you marry me
0:24:36 > 0:24:40# We'll be as happy as can be
0:24:40 > 0:24:44# Your door knob will shine
0:24:44 > 0:24:47# And the door bells
0:24:47 > 0:24:52# They will chime... #
0:24:53 > 0:24:55DOOR BELLS CHIME
0:24:58 > 0:25:03So, do we have an answer to this frankly perplexing question?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Can you marry a house?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Well, the law says that marriage has to be
0:25:07 > 0:25:11between two consenting adults, so, if you marry a house,
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- it won't be legally recognised. - But, Mr Reeves, having said that,
0:25:15 > 0:25:17you can hold a celebratory ceremony
0:25:17 > 0:25:19to say you're married to anything you like,
0:25:19 > 0:25:23so, yes, you can marry house.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Good. You can marry a house.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29OK, can you get those findings off instantly, please, Miss Tea Garden.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- Party.- Yes.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Right-oh, Mr Reeves.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40- BING BONG - 'Attention, Ministry, the working day is over.'
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Before I go off on my honeymoon, what have we learned?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46'Reassessing curious stuff.
0:25:46 > 0:25:50'Apollo wanted to know if animals can have jobs.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52'We found out that cats worked for the Post Office.'
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Cheers, Roy, see ya.
0:25:54 > 0:25:59'Turnspit dogs worked in Victorian kitchens.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01'And geese were used to clean chimneys.'
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Get up there, get up there, you cheeky goosey gander.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07'So, yes, animals do have jobs.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10'Mila asked - are twins magic?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12'We met the world's oldest twins, Gin and Kin.'
0:26:12 > 0:26:16What's it like being the oldest twins ever?!
0:26:16 > 0:26:17What did he say?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20'And discovered identical twins with identical lives.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24'So, Mila, twins are pretty impressive, but they're not magic.'
0:26:24 > 0:26:26BOTH: Ta-da!
0:26:26 > 0:26:29'Ella asked, can you marry a house?
0:26:29 > 0:26:31'We met the man who married himself,
0:26:31 > 0:26:33'the guy who married his Christmas tree...'
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Would you do me the honour?
0:26:35 > 0:26:36HE SOBS
0:26:36 > 0:26:39'..and the lady who married a wall.'
0:26:39 > 0:26:40Ooh! You...
0:26:40 > 0:26:45'It turns out you can marry what you like, so I married my front door.'
0:26:46 > 0:26:51OK, people, I'm off on my honeymoon with my front door.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55- Goodbye, everyone.- 'Transportation ready for Mr Reeves.'
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- Goodbye, Mr Reeves. - Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Goodbye, Mr Reeves.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Stand by, everyone.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08I'm going up for me tea.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd