0:00:02 > 0:00:03PHONE RINGS
0:00:05 > 0:00:08Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,
0:00:08 > 0:00:12we seek to answer any question you may ask.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14No question is too ridiculous.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18On call are our highly curious researchers - Lovett,
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Wannamaker, Frazernagle, Teaparty,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24and of course, Captain Length-Width.
0:00:24 > 0:00:30The Ministry is a thinking facility that helps us to find you an answer.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34- TANNOY:- The working day will commence in ten seconds.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Don't be late.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Attention. Mr Reeves is entering the building.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54Welcome to The Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59- Morning, everybody!- Good morning, Mr Reeves.- Good morning, Mr Reeves.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03- Good morning, Mr Reeves.- Good morning! How are we today? Good.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Length Width, what are you doing?
0:01:06 > 0:01:11Yes, I'm just sorting this dust out. Filing it into light and dark.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16I've been here all night doing it, and I think I've nearly finished.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- Yeah? Very good. Oh, sorry. - Thank you.- Look at these hands!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- They're filthy!- Yes, I know, I've been sorting out the dust.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27You can't work at the Ministry of Curious Stuff with filthy hands!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Come with me to wash them. Follow me.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32There's a washing machine over here. It's in one of these drawers.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36This one here, I think. OK. Now get your hands in there.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- Put it on an medium cycle. - All right.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46- How's it going?- Pretty good. - Done?- I'm done.- Good.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Right. All clean?
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Er, well, yes.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53- Oh, dear.- Show me.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58THEY LAUGH
0:02:02 > 0:02:04- Will they go back?- No.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06THEY LAUGH
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- They won't go back! - You had them on the hot cycle.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Yes, I seem to have put them on a bit too warm.- Yes. Very well done.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- Monkey's hands!- Yes. Captain Length Width.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20You've had a wonderful time at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- Tell me what you've learnt. - I've had the time of my life.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28But some of the things I've learned include this. A...
0:02:28 > 0:02:34- No, it's an extraordinary thing. I've learnt...- Yes?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- You can't remember, can you? - I can't.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- You can't remember.- No. - Do you know why?- Why?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42The hot cycle. It's washed away all your thoughts.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- I see! I didn't know that.- Yes.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- Let me remind you.- No.- Look at this.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52I'm incredible!
0:02:52 > 0:02:55You're amazing, Mr Reeves.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04There.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Here at the Ministry, we answer all of your burning questions,
0:03:10 > 0:03:15no matter how bizarre or ridiculous. And a visit always unearths
0:03:15 > 0:03:19some of the most extraordinarily curious facts.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23Sometimes, they're disgusting and curious.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25What?!
0:03:25 > 0:03:30Like the fact that baby elephants eat their mum's poo.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Hope you're hungry. I've been slaving over a hot toilet all day.
0:03:34 > 0:03:39Finished! That was a wonderful poo, Mum. Well done. Ten out of ten.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44- My compliments to the chef's bum. - Would you like a second helping?
0:03:44 > 0:03:48- I wouldn't say no.- Eat it all, and you can have dessert.
0:03:48 > 0:03:53- What's for dessert?- Have a guess. - And get your ears around this fact.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57On average, humans spend a whopping three years sat on the loo!
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- Get off! - And did you know about this?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03There's a note so low and deep it's thought it could
0:04:03 > 0:04:06make you mess your pants if you hear it.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08It's called the brown noise.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10But if you want a tommy-squeaker of a fact,
0:04:10 > 0:04:15look no further than this man - Le Petomane.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18He was a French performer in the 19th century,
0:04:18 > 0:04:21who became famous for entertaining people with his trumps.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Even the Prince of Wales loved to hear him let one go.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I love that trumping Frenchman, I really do.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32But who would win in a pop-off - Le Petomane, that famous trumper,
0:04:32 > 0:04:33or me, Mr Vic Reeves?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Ready?- Ready.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44HE FARTS
0:04:53 > 0:04:56HE FARTS
0:04:56 > 0:04:58HE FARTS MORE LOUDLY
0:05:04 > 0:05:06HE FARTS
0:05:08 > 0:05:14LONG BUBBLY FART
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- HE LAUGHS - Yes!
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Get in there, my son!
0:05:25 > 0:05:30- I take it all back, monsieur. You are a brilliant trumper.- Thank you.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34I am in awe. I could kiss your pert little bum-bum.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Oi, oi, oi! Whoa! Maybe later on, OK?- Au revoir,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- my grunting brother.- Au revoir.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44And if you think that stinks, what about Stinkytown?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46A town in the South of France
0:05:46 > 0:05:50that produces rancid-smelling stinky cheese.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55# Stinkytown is a place in the South of France
0:05:59 > 0:06:02# Stinkytown smells of rancid old underpants
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- # I'll take you there- Where?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11# I just told you - Stinkytown
0:06:11 > 0:06:14# Stinkytown, Stinkytown
0:06:14 > 0:06:21The smell of cheese is always on the air, yeah
0:06:22 > 0:06:29# I smell like a bag of unwashed sportswear
0:06:29 > 0:06:34- # I'll take you there- Where? - Stinkytown, Stinkytown
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- # You love it there- Where? - Stinkytown, Stinkytown
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- # Stinkytown- Yeah! - Stinkytown, Stinkytown
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- # Stinkytown- Where?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45# Stinkytown. #
0:06:46 > 0:06:50The Ministry isn't just home to curious facts, no!
0:06:50 > 0:06:53You can find out about some very curious characters.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Like Wang, the Human Unicorn.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58There really was a man from China called Wang,
0:06:58 > 0:07:02and he had a 14-inch horn growing out of his head.
0:07:02 > 0:07:08Wow! I had no idea that my horn had so many uses.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12And have you ever heard of a lady with a beard? Well, hello.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- Are you who I think you are?- Well, of course I'm who you think I am.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22Annie Jones, America's favourite bearded lady. You're beautiful.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Mr Reeves!
0:07:23 > 0:07:27It's interesting that you should think she's beautiful,
0:07:27 > 0:07:32because there is an Italian phrase, "Donna barbuta, sempre piaciuta,"
0:07:32 > 0:07:35which means, "everyone loves a woman with a beard."
0:07:35 > 0:07:41What a coincidence! That's the title of my new hit single.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51# Oh pretty baby My bearded lady
0:07:51 > 0:07:53# The hairs on your chin drive me crazy
0:07:53 > 0:07:58# For me nothing can replace That lovely bush on your face
0:07:58 > 0:08:03# And it's growing longer each day
0:08:03 > 0:08:07# Pretty baby My bearded lady
0:08:07 > 0:08:10# Your whiskers are covered in gravy
0:08:10 > 0:08:14# Porridge, ice cream and bits of margarine
0:08:14 > 0:08:19# And I love you more each day
0:08:19 > 0:08:22# Bearded lady
0:08:22 > 0:08:25# My bearded lady
0:08:26 > 0:08:30# My bearded lady. #
0:08:35 > 0:08:36SMOOCHES
0:08:38 > 0:08:42- You're a man.- Pardon me? What was that? I was distracted.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- Yeah. I said, you're a man. - Yeah, I'm a man. What of it?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Yeah. I knew you was a man!
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Oh, did you now? What gave it away, the whiskers?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Something like that. Where's the real Annie Jones?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- She couldn't make it.- Why?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Had to go hospital.- What for?
0:08:58 > 0:08:59- She cut herself.- How?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Shaving.- I was sure looking forward to meeting her.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- Get out of here.- My pleasure.- Yeah.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Get out of here, Mr Whoever-you-are.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12'Not a lot of people know this, but hobbits are real -
0:09:12 > 0:09:15'yes, like the Lord of the Rings creatures.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19'They were an ancient species of humans called Homo floresiensis.'
0:09:19 > 0:09:23A hobbit! 'Who lived over 20,000 years ago.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27'They were tiny, with tiny heads, and tiny brains.'
0:09:27 > 0:09:30So, what do I call you? The hobbit?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- Wee Bobby Hobnob? The Hobster?- My name's Mike.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36OK, Mike, what's Gandalf really like?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39There's no such person as Gandalf.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44Lord of the Rings was just a film. I'm a Homo floresiensis.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46What does Gandalf smell of?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49I imagine it's probably a combination of mint imperials,
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- talcum powder and cabbage! - I wouldn't know what he smells like.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I'm not in Lord of the Rings!
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I'm from the year 20,000 BC!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Do you know what? I don't believe you're a hobbit.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05I believe that you are a cheeky little impostor!
0:10:05 > 0:10:10How dare you! I've never been so insulted in my tiny little life.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14I come in here, you bang on about Lord Of The Rings,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17then you call me a liar. It's cos I'm little, isn't it?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Well, I'm not taking this any longer.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, Mike the Hobbit.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Shut up!
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I think you wasted that opportunity.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- You think?- He was from 20,000 BC
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- and you asked if his name was Hobnob. - You might have a point.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42Deeper into the Ministry, there's even more curious stuff to find out.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Like a creature with only one eye.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47It's called a Cyclops and it's a monster.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48But mythical and not real.
0:10:48 > 0:10:53But there's an insect with 1,600 eyes - a fruit fly!
0:10:53 > 0:10:55They really do exist.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59You got one eye, I got loads, you are going down, my friend!
0:10:59 > 0:11:00SPLAT!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Did you know this curious fact?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06When astronauts visited the moon they played golf on it
0:11:06 > 0:11:09and there are still golf balls hidden there in the craters.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Ooooh!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Here's an interesting titbit - Victorians thought
0:11:14 > 0:11:19having a unibrow was a sign that you were a vicious criminal.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Aaaah, don't hurt me!
0:11:21 > 0:11:24It's me, look!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Oh!
0:11:27 > 0:11:31So, as you can see, the ministry is packed with curious facts but it's
0:11:31 > 0:11:35not all fun and games - not when there's serious work to be done.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41How's that report coming on, Length-Width?
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Yes, five more minutes and I should have it completed. Nearly done.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Good.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50SIZZLING Oh!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Phew.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56SIZZLING
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Ohhhhh!
0:12:01 > 0:12:04FIZZING Oh!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- Is that you?- Nothing to do with me.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08What's going on here?
0:12:13 > 0:12:17SIZZLING OHHHH! That was you!
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Right, that's enough. Stop it!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Nothing to do with me. - I'm trying to finish this report
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- you asked me to do.- Carry on! - I'm going to.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28PROLONGED ZAPPING
0:12:33 > 0:12:35FARTING
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Yes! Right, watch this.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43It's curiously true that the Ministry of Curious Stuff is
0:12:43 > 0:12:46full of curious creature facts.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Like Turritopsis Nutricula.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51A type of jellyfish which can regenerate like Dr Who
0:12:51 > 0:12:52and live forever.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56And the female preying mantis.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57An insect who actually bites her boyfriend's head
0:12:57 > 0:12:59clean off after mating.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Where's the head?
0:13:01 > 0:13:02How about dugongs?
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Dugongs are big ugly sea cows who were often mistaken for mermaids
0:13:06 > 0:13:07by old sea mariners.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11She's gorgeous!
0:13:11 > 0:13:16Did you know that some birds are incredibly attractive creatures?
0:13:16 > 0:13:20"The male peacock is much more attractive than the female.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23"This is because the males have to compete for a female
0:13:23 > 0:13:25"and the girl will often choose the best looking."
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Imagine if it worked the same way for humans.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29# Boys boys boys...
0:13:32 > 0:13:35# Boys boys boys...
0:13:35 > 0:13:37# Boys boys boys...
0:13:37 > 0:13:41# Boys, sometimes a girl just needs one, yeah
0:13:41 > 0:13:45# I need you, boys, to love her and to hold
0:13:45 > 0:13:48# I just want you to touch me, boys
0:13:48 > 0:13:51# When a girl is with one...
0:13:51 > 0:13:54# Boys, then she is in control...
0:13:54 > 0:13:57# ..So macho! He's gotta be...
0:13:57 > 0:13:59# so macho
0:13:59 > 0:14:02# He's gotta be big and strong
0:14:02 > 0:14:04# Enough to turn...
0:14:04 > 0:14:06MUSIC SCREECHES TO A HALT
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Dolphins have the amazing ability to let one half of their brain
0:14:19 > 0:14:22sleep whilst the other half is wide awake.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25I wonder what he's dreaming about?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28I'm dreaming you'll keep the flaming noise down, mate.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30It's the middle of the night!
0:14:30 > 0:14:33They can also sing higher than any other animal -
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- even higher than Mariah Carey! - SCREECHING
0:14:36 > 0:14:41And cats have been considered clever enough to become spies.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46Declassified documents have revealed that during the 1960s,
0:14:46 > 0:14:51the CIA were hand-picking cats for a Top Secret experiment.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55Miaow!
0:14:55 > 0:15:00America's Cold War with Russia was a busy time for Top Secret spies.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02America's CIA were surgically altering cats to become
0:15:02 > 0:15:07sophisticated bugging devices.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10They put batteries in the cat and wired him up.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Once released, this unique bugging device would send back
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Top Secret information to American agents.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20But Kitty would get hungry!
0:15:20 > 0:15:25So they put another mechanism in the cat to override
0:15:25 > 0:15:30the feeling of hunger. After several operations, 5 years' training
0:15:30 > 0:15:35and £15 million spent, the bionic cat was ready.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38The CIA drove the cat to a test area and released him.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42The cat was struck by a taxi and died!
0:15:42 > 0:15:46Did you know that cockroaches are one of the toughest
0:15:46 > 0:15:47insects in the world?
0:15:47 > 0:15:49They can survive for four weeks without a head.
0:15:49 > 0:15:55Take my wallet, it's got nearly £7 in it, just don't hit my face!
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Cockroaches aren't the only amazing insect.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01There's a type of wasp in Costa Rica who can control
0:16:01 > 0:16:04the minds of spiders. Imagine that! An hypnotic wasp!
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Hello, little fellow, what's it like being a mind-control wasp?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Look into my eyes.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I'd rather not. I just want to ask the question.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I said look into my eyes.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18All right then.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19You are feeling sleepy.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24I am the master and you are completely under my control. Say it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- I am the master and you are completely under my control.- No!
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- You're under MY control. - All right, what you said.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35You will do everything I say. When you hear this piece of music...
0:16:35 > 0:16:37LATIN MUSIC PLAYS
0:16:37 > 0:16:40You will do a mystical little dance.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- Yes.- And when I click my fingers
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- you will completely forget this conversation took place.- Yes.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- Good.- So what's it like being a mind-control wasp?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57LAUGHS MADLY
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Wait till you hear about the brilliance of the humble ant.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05An ant can lift twenty times its own body weight.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09That's the same as you being able to lift a car with five people in it.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Yeah, looks like a problem with your exhaust, mate.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14It'll take a week to get the parts.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18If the same size as a man, it could run as fast as a race horse.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Good afternoon, lovely day for it.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24And the ant has the biggest brain of all insects, in fact
0:17:24 > 0:17:29a colony of ants has collectively the same size brain as a human.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34Here in the Ministry there's lots of monkeying around.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Did you know that in India there's a monkey prison?
0:17:37 > 0:17:42It was set up in 1996 for primates who are pests.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Flippin' 'eck, we've been rumbled.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Would you believe it? A chimp's even been into space.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Ham the chimp flew into space in 1961.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53He even learnt how to work the levers in the space
0:17:53 > 0:17:56rocket in return for banana treats.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58# Space ape, space ape
0:18:00 > 0:18:03# Guardian of the future
0:18:03 > 0:18:08# Astral primate, primate primate
0:18:08 > 0:18:10# Monkey style space cruiser
0:18:11 > 0:18:15# Flying so high that your air supply
0:18:15 > 0:18:18# Into manana with a bag of bananas
0:18:18 > 0:18:20# Space ape, space ape, space ape
0:18:22 > 0:18:25# Guardian of the future
0:18:25 > 0:18:29# Astral primate, primate primate
0:18:29 > 0:18:31# Monkey style space cruiser
0:18:33 > 0:18:37# Flying so high with your air supply
0:18:37 > 0:18:39# Into manana with a bag of bananas
0:18:39 > 0:18:42# Space ape, space ape, space ape...
0:18:43 > 0:18:46# Don't let us down
0:18:46 > 0:18:50# Humanity depends...
0:18:50 > 0:18:52# on you, on you. #
0:18:54 > 0:18:56SHOUTING
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Wonderful animal facts, all brought to you by our super brainy
0:18:59 > 0:19:01and highly-paid researchers.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Now, Mr Reeves, I need a word with you, d'you understand me?
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Now, look here! D'you understand me?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I've been working here at the Ministry for I don't kn...
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Now, look here!
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- Now, you look here!- No, you look here!- Look here!- Look here!
0:19:17 > 0:19:19I've been working at the Ministry for three months now
0:19:19 > 0:19:22and I have not been paid for three months! Look here!
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Look here! I need to buy food, I need to buy petrol,
0:19:25 > 0:19:26I need to pay my rent.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Now, look here, I want you to sort this problem out.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Look here! I have been sorting this out. I've had a word with Accounts.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Look here. When you get paid, you give me a ring.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41I'd like a nice gold one with a ruby stone in it.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44After all you've done for me that's the least I could do.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Look here!- You look here!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49And you! Look here! Look at this!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52You lot, out there! Look here!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Here in the Ministry,
0:19:55 > 0:19:59we're very brainy, so it goes without saying,
0:19:59 > 0:20:02we know loads about science and stuff like that,
0:20:02 > 0:20:06like the fact that scientists in America have created a frozen zoo
0:20:06 > 0:20:08so they can freeze the DNA of endangered animals
0:20:08 > 0:20:12and they can clone them and bring them back to life in the future.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16You've defrosted my rare and extinct bumfluff owl!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19'Scientists have even invented a robot
0:20:19 > 0:20:21'to help you look after your home.'
0:20:21 > 0:20:23'Do you need help around the home?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26'Then what you need is the Home Assistant Robot.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29'Made to Japanese design specifications,
0:20:29 > 0:20:32'it will deal with all your chores.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36'Using five cameras, six lasers and three fingers on each hand,
0:20:36 > 0:20:39'it can do your laundry, wash your dishes and put them away.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42'It can open and close doors and mop the floors.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45'It really can do everything.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49'Oh, yeah - batteries not included.'
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Hark unto this -
0:20:50 > 0:20:53top physicists think that time travel might be possible
0:20:53 > 0:20:56if you can find something called a wormhole.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Hop in, you Muppet!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00We're going back in time!
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Right, hold on - what is that?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06That's my wormhole! Come on!
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I'm not getting in there! No way!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Of course, as well as a wormhole,
0:21:11 > 0:21:13you'd need a time machine.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24# We wish we had a time machine
0:21:24 > 0:21:27# But we don't know where to begin
0:21:27 > 0:21:32# Maybe make it out of shoe boxes
0:21:32 > 0:21:36# Sellotape and some pigskin
0:21:36 > 0:21:40# A coat hanger for an aerial
0:21:40 > 0:21:44# And a Transit steering wheel
0:21:44 > 0:21:46# Some egg boxes
0:21:46 > 0:21:48# A peacock's feather
0:21:48 > 0:21:53# And a bag of orange peel
0:21:54 > 0:21:58# We get into our time machine
0:21:58 > 0:22:02# And we travel to the past
0:22:02 > 0:22:06# I'd harness the power of dinosaurs
0:22:06 > 0:22:10# I'd make friends with some cowboys
0:22:10 > 0:22:14# I'd marry Queen Victoria
0:22:14 > 0:22:18# I'd turn the pyramids whoop-side down
0:22:18 > 0:22:22# We wish we had a time machine
0:22:22 > 0:22:25# But we don't know where to begin
0:22:25 > 0:22:27# No way. #
0:22:27 > 0:22:31But there is a way you can kind of time travel without a time machine.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35When one side of the world is in daytime, the other is in night.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38This creates different time zones around the world,
0:22:38 > 0:22:42so all you need to travel through time is one of these!
0:22:42 > 0:22:46Oooh!
0:22:46 > 0:22:49So, if you've celebrated your birthday in Australia...
0:22:49 > 0:22:50- AUSTRALIAN VOICE:- Happy birthday!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53..then got on a plane and flew to Hawaii,
0:22:53 > 0:22:55it would be your birthday all over again,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58as Hawaii's time zone is a day behind Australia.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Happy birthday...again.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04We also know a thing or two about spooky-dooky mind stuff.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Like the fact that certain people think they can predict the future
0:23:07 > 0:23:10by looking at sheep poo.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Hurry up, mate, it stinks!
0:23:11 > 0:23:14And have you ever heard of uromancy? No?
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Well, it's a way to predict someone's future by looking at
0:23:18 > 0:23:20the bubbles in their wee.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23GUSHING Lovely! Oh, yes, that's the ticket!
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Bang on! Right there, right there.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- GUSHING STOPS Lovely.- Finished?
0:23:28 > 0:23:31GUSHING Hang on. Hold your horses.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35'Some people believe you can predict the future
0:23:35 > 0:23:39'listening to tummy rumbles and I am an expert in it.'
0:23:41 > 0:23:43# In the middle of the night
0:23:43 > 0:23:45# When your guts they are a-rumbling
0:23:45 > 0:23:49# I can predict your future by your belly's g-g-grumbling
0:23:49 > 0:23:52# Just lay down on this gurney with your belly to the sky
0:23:52 > 0:23:55# And I'll listen with me trumpet
0:23:55 > 0:23:57# Oh, my gosh! You're gonna die! #
0:23:57 > 0:23:59What?!
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Just a joke. - Well, that's not funny.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05# Sorry, my friend Let me listen once again... #
0:24:05 > 0:24:07RUMBLING, SQUELCHING
0:24:13 > 0:24:17# I heard a double thundrel and a partial chuntra too
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# And my prediction Captain Length-Width
0:24:20 > 0:24:22# Is that you will visit the loo!
0:24:22 > 0:24:26# That ain't no prediction, I could have told you just what that is
0:24:26 > 0:24:30# For lunch this afternoon I had a dozen Jamaican patties... #
0:24:30 > 0:24:33RUMBLING, SQUELCHING
0:24:33 > 0:24:36PFFFRRRRRRT!
0:24:40 > 0:24:41- VIC SNIFFS - Spicy!
0:24:41 > 0:24:44But delicious.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Captain Length-Width, we've had a lot of fun
0:24:48 > 0:24:50at the Ministry of Curious Stuff, haven't we?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53It's just been fun, fun, fun, Mr Reeves. In fact...
0:24:53 > 0:24:56# We've had a laugh We've had some fun
0:24:56 > 0:24:57# I've sung some songs
0:24:57 > 0:24:59# I've chewed some gum
0:24:59 > 0:25:00# I ate a cake
0:25:00 > 0:25:02# A lemon puff
0:25:02 > 0:25:06# Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff. #
0:25:06 > 0:25:10ATONAL FANFARE
0:25:11 > 0:25:13HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I can't breathe!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- I can't half dance well. - Look that that.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Aarrrgh!
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Get out of my canteen!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27CAT YOWLS
0:25:29 > 0:25:34I shall now attempt to saw through Captain Length-Width. There we are!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37THEY LAUGH EVILLY
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Oh, lovely!
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- BANG! - Ha-ha!
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- Anyway, moving on...- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What about my legs?!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49I don't think they'll grow back.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52SCREAMING
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- I'm really sorry, I didn't really mean it.- That's OK.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Mr Reeves!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01It's horrible! Oh, look!
0:26:01 > 0:26:04It's my wife, Constance Length-Width! VIC LAUGHS
0:26:04 > 0:26:09You look different, Mr Reeves. Have you done something to your hair?
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- Shut up!- Shut up, you!
0:26:11 > 0:26:13LOUD FANFARE
0:26:13 > 0:26:16- You look here!- Look here!- Look here!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18You're right, she's AWFUL!
0:26:20 > 0:26:21HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- We can work through this.- I know.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31You will let me know when my legs grow back, won't you?
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- I promise you, you'll be the first to know.- Thanks, Vic.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36You're a real friend.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Good times, good ti... D'you remember the good times?
0:26:44 > 0:26:45No.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48D'you remember the good times, boys?
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- BOTH: Nope. - Yeah.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Remember the good times, Miss Teaparty?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55No, not really.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57You remember the good times?
0:26:57 > 0:26:59No!
0:26:59 > 0:27:05Well, anyway...Length-Width, Miss Teaparty,
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Ministry,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08as well as being my employees,
0:27:08 > 0:27:12you've all become my very good friends and there's something
0:27:12 > 0:27:16that I've got to tell you now and I don't quite know how to say it,
0:27:16 > 0:27:20but I'm just going to come out and say it.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22I'm going home for me tea. Good night.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25'Transportation ready for Mr Reeves.'
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- Goodbye, Mr Reeves! - Goodbye, Mr Reeves!
0:27:28 > 0:27:32- Goodbye, Mr Reeves! - Goodbye, Mr Reeves!
0:27:32 > 0:27:33Goodbye, everyone!
0:27:35 > 0:27:39From the Ministry of Curious Stuff!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd